How to Emotionally Connect with Women (Part 1)

I respectfully disagree with the main idea of this post that men stick to talking about actions and concrete ideas without verbalizing their feelings because of lack effective roles models.

Men do these things because they are men, it is how we as men are designed.
The reality is that most men (not all) simply do not feel the need to attach feelings to most things in life. Men are objective by nature, and women are relational by nature. It is how God designed us.

Objectivity is what makes men better leaders and problem solvers than women often times because most men (not all) are able to separate their emotions from the task at hand which must be done.

I reject the modern concept that men need to change themselves to be more like women and women need to change themselves to more like men where in the end we have this new great unisex being.

God created us distinctively different and instead of fighting the sex differences and trying to change them we should respect and embrace these differences.

Does that mean a man should never listen to his wife’s feelings? Of course not. But does that mean a man needs to try and modify his thought processes to be more like a woman, where they attach relational aspects to each and every event? No.

Do husbands and wives need to communicate? Absolutely. Every successful relationship depends upon good communication, whether it is between a husband and wife, a child and parent, or with coworkers at work.

But good communication does not require a man to be more like a woman, and woman to be more like a man.

For instance anyone who has been in any long term relationship or married for any length of time knows that women sometimes just need to talk out their feelings. They don’t need the “problem” fixed or analyzed, they just want to talk about it. So we as men are told not to try and solve the problem but just to listen.

I believe that advice is good to a certain extent. However, sometimes a problem needs a resolution and it needs to be addressed right away, there is not time to sit around and explore “how we feel”. In this case a man needs to use his objectivity and analytical abilities to cut through the emotional fog and fix the issue.

Other times when an issue is not as urgent or it does not require “fixing” then I agree men just need to listen.

But women need to realize that when we are listening to them vent, and just supporting their venting process this can sometimes (not always) be a painful event for us as men. Our analytical brains have solved your issue 12 times over, and we feel like you may have repeated the same information 40 times. We may not have much emotionally to say except, “I am sorry they did that to you” or “I am sorry that is making you feel so bad”. Women need to accept that may be the best we can give as men.

In the same way that men can’t expect their wives to get into all their hobbies the same as their guy friends do.

With men and women there are varying degrees of emotional openness. I have shed tears in my life much more than I saw my father shed them. But it has to do with my personality. Some men are naturally more emotionally vulnerable than others. In the same way some women are more emotional than others.

I am not saying I don’t believe in personal growth either. As a Christian I believe I am called to grow each and every day. But personal growth does not mean a complete change of personality, or that I can or should make myself more like a woman, any more than a woman should be expected to be more like a man.

I am not saying it is not valuable to read books or blog articles to find out how the opposite sex thinks, and how they process the world around them. I highly encourage that. Men should read about and learn about how a woman’s thought processes work and women should about men as well. But that is not the same as modifying one gender, to be more like the other gender in their actual world outlook and brain processing.

thelovemanifesto

men oneMany of the stereotypes surrounding the male gender do not apply to all men. Yet their widespread acceptance inhibits the way men communicate.  For example, not all men prefer to occupy their Sunday afternoons sitting on the couch, eating potato chips, yelling at the TV over a football game.

Traits such as having a sense of fashion, appreciating art, or knowing how to dance are often perceived as feminine and males who possess these qualities must be homosexual.  Questioning the sexuality of heterosexual men based on these traits is a mentality that much of our society shares.  Sexual preference is not determined by personal interest or personality.

Regardless of your sexual orientation, men tend to be confined by “social norms” or generalized based on gender (often against their will).  For many generations men have been crippled by the effects of these stereotypes.   For example, the belief that men have no…

View original post 444 more words

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s