The Rape Straw Man

A “straw man argument” is when a person does not wish to or cannot refute what a person is arguing for. So instead they add things to what that person has said, and then attack what they themselves have added.  This is what many who attack this site attempt to do.

Rather than trying to refute what I teach(based on the Bible) that it is wrong for wives to sexually deny their husbands or consent but give sex grudgingly some people choose to build a straw man that I am advocating for rape and they fight against their own imagined argument.

I have made this statement before and I stand by it:

Biblically speaking, there is no such thing as “marital rape” – HOWEVER, there is such a thing as physical abuse. While the Bible does not speak specifically to this case of a man forcing himself on his wife, I believe it is a case of physical abuse.

So what others call rape, I call abuse. In the same way that when someone is wrongfully killed it might be first degree murder, second degree murder or man slaughter what we call “physical abuse” and what we call “rape” is dependent on the relationship between the man and woman in question. There is no doubt a wrong has been committed. But what we call it, and how it is punished or dealt with is very different depending on the circumstances.

But make no mistake – I do not condone what I call physical abuse (a man forcing himself upon his wife) and what others call rape in marriage. A husband should NEVER EVER force himself upon his wife.

But should I and  Christian Pastors and Christian teachers stop teaching I Corinthians 7:1-5 which clearly states a husband has power over his wife’s body and the wife has power over her husband’s body because some men may use that to support the idea that they can force themselves on their wives?

Just because the Scriptures talk about something and that teaching can be perverted for wrong does not mean we should stop teaching what the Bible says.

So yes many Christians and non-Christians may disagree with my teaching men to confront sexual denial in their marriage through discipline and correlation.

You might disagree that I teach men they can pull back on dates, and trips and other wants their wives have, not in retaliation, but to discipline and train their wives through correlation when they sexually refuse them or grudgingly consent to sex.

You may think that if a husband tries to gently talk to his wife, and seek counseling that after that if his wife refuses him sexually or grudgingly gives sex that there is nothing he can do about this.  You may believe called calls him to suffer in silence .

You might believe that it is wrong that I advice men that after they have tried for years to deal with their wife’s chronic sexual refusal, sought counseling, the church leadership and used every other Biblical means to get their wife to repent they can divorce her for her unfaithfulness as God divorced his wife Israel for hers.

You may believe that a husband has no authority or power to use discipline and correlation with his wife in regard to her submission in all areas(not just sex).

Those are discussions we can have – but let’s not have imaginary arguments that I am defending rape or physical abuse of women.