Why would my husband marry me, yet still look at other women?

Many married women(especially young married women) wonder how their husbands can be attracted  to other women.   The reason is that most women are naturally monogamous in their sexual nature as God designed them to be, while men are naturally polygynous as God designed them.

I am thankful that God has used this ministry not only to encourage Christian wives about meeting their husband’s sexual needs – but it is also encouraging  to see women learning to respect how God designed man’s sexual nature very differently from their own.

I respond privately to emails like this all the time, but this woman unfortunately sent me a comment with no email address asking for help – so I hope she sees this post (and if she has any private questions – makes sure she includes her email that I can respond to).

She named herself “AdviceMePlease” and she wrote:

“I am glad I stumbled on this website. I learned some good points from your article how to respect my husband. My husband like it mentioned, is a visual creature too. I was unaware of guys being visual and it bothered me for a long time when he looked at other girls, or kept repeatedly watching the YouTube videos of his favorite actresses. I always wondered why he married me if he is into other women. (Silly me!) my question/problem is he keeps talking about the women he is impressed all the time with me and it makes me feel less. An intern at his work- there were days I had to hear first thing in the morning about her after we wake up, or first thing after he comes from work. Our pediatrician is very friendly with us and mostly him, and lately I hear about her atleast once a day. I tried not to get jealous but I am beginning to see that my husband likes girls who are funny, independent. He likes Asians alot :-p.”

This is my response to this Christian wife and other wives who may face this issue:

I am glad that you came to accept the visual and polygynous nature of your husband and the fact that is a natural and normal thing for him to look at and be attracted to other women.

But let me be clear – there is a difference between a man being visually wired and attracted to multiple women, and a man being flirtatious or promiscuous. I am not saying your husband is either of the last things I said – but I want to draw a very clear line there just so you know.  If you think he is being flirtatious, then you have every right as his wife to respectfully talk to him about that.  If you believe he is putting himself in positions with a woman at work(like working late all the time) or spending way too much alone time with her – then as his wife you have a right to be concerned and address that with him.

But if your only issue is that your husband looks at other women and is attracted to other women this is how I would address the issue with him. Tell your hubby how much you love him and respect him. Admit to him that you used to be bothered by the fact that he was attracted to other women and wondered why he married you if he was attracted to other women.

Then you realized that God made him different as man then you as a woman. You now understand how he can be attracted to other women, but still be attracted to you and he gives you something he is not giving any other woman – his love! But while you understand his nature, and understand he might talk about different women with the guys(which is totally normal), you would appreciate it if he did not talk about other women he is attracted to around you. It’s not that you think he is wrong for thinking they are beautiful, it is just that you as a woman don’t need to hear about other women he thinks are pretty.

I have had to have this conversation with some my male relatives when they talked about women around their young wives and the light bulb came on and they realized why they probably should not do that. Now some women are fine with this to a point – my wife is fine with me saying that I like certain actresses, but I would not tell her if I thought a woman at work was beautiful as that might make her worry(when she really has nothing to worry about).

I will close with this admonition to men that I have stated elsewhere on this site.  It is ok for you to look at and be attracted to women other than your wife.  While some women are ok with you talking about other women, many women are not.

Whatisgawking

It is not ok to gawk at women or do things that make your wife/mom/sister or other women around you uncomfortable.  It’s not ok to talk about women you think are hot or beautiful around your wife/mom/sister or other women who might be bothered by this.  Be a gentlemen, be discreet – keep the guy talk with the guys, and keep the looking to discreet glances.

 Picture Sources:

Photo #1 – Young man looking at young woman

Source: Courtney Carmody at https://www.flickr.com/photos/calamity_photography/4696806650/
Used under Creativecommons license 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/

Photo #2 Older man looking at younger woman

Source: Fernando Coelho at https://www.flickr.com/photos/fernando_pc/7475293196/in/photolist-coyQes-638Yew-91fesx-JL9tU-4gNPg5-ccC611-bBVUk9-2dSBge-7CMS2B-dfiwJ-757hu8-81hK5f-deRLgk-5fZ3jt-gBahp-sEkxt-58oiXu-9t2EEB-bcqwBK-89Hsfx-gRHKK5-5fBfZd-5SAcxf-eit8Kp-iuBrUp-598VGv-oppDcJ-emDEJY-79SHWi-dfP72b-6C7qS1-8a3mZ1-qLUSE4-7GwEqC-8aCsdj-7ZRFTU-qX6pSE-qLUSgP-5SRxc5-8FJXCK-2dSCuV-bUUaqf-6neeDc-73NTs6-c9gzi7-c9gyY3-c9gyk9-iGV3Rn-87zscr-c9gAjA

Used under Creativecommons license 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/

Ben Affleck says girls are smarter than boys – REALLY?

Ben_Affleck_2009_2a

There are some well read and intelligent Hollywood actors, both liberal and conservative. Ben Affleck is not one of them.  Don’t get me wrong, I usually love his films, and as an actor he is great. But as a philosopher, historian, or just someone who truly understands the facts of life and the world, lets just say he is not a good source in these areas.

In Ben’s great wisdom he is quoted in a USA today article stating the following:

“Boys, as we now know, are much slower than girls. Boys just take a while. We’re not as smart as women for many, many years. I don’t know if we ever catch up. We catch up in some ways but probably not in all of them,”

Source: http://entertainthis.usatoday.com/2014/10/09/ben-affleck-on-boys-versus-girls-were-just-not-as-smart/

Are girls sometimes smarter than boys? Absolutely. I have sons and a daughter. I know first hand from helping my kids with their school work, seeing their strengths and weaknesses(as well as their report cards) and talking to their teachers that there is definitely a difference in cognitive(intellectual) ability.

Two of my sons are very intelligent when it comes to math and science, while two of my sons struggle in these categories. My daughter comes somewhere in the middle, she still struggles in math, but not as much as two of my sons do. So in my family with 5 children, my daughter’s intelligence comes right in the middle.

But my children have different strengths, one of my son’s who struggles academically is very good with his hands and very mechanically inclined.  He can take about just about anything and put it back together. This is something that his “book smart” brothers would never be able to do.  My daughter while she struggles in math and science, excels in writing, especially creative writing.

I say all that to say this, can I take the small case study in my home, and put that as how all people are – like Ben Affleck did? Of course not!

Mr. Affleck, let’s look at the cold hard facts.

Men are superior to women in STEM fields (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics)

“Psychological tests also reveal patterns of sex difference. On average, males finish faster and score higher than females on a test that requires the taker to visualize an object’s appearance after it is rotated in three dimensions. The same is true for map-reading tests, and for embedded-figures tests, which ask subjects to find a component shape hidden within a larger design. Males are over-represented in the top percentiles on college-level math tests and tend to score higher on mechanics tests than females do.”

“…males on average have a stronger drive to systemize, and females to empathize. Systemizing involves identifying the laws that govern how a system works…”

Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen, Cambridge University

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/08/opinion/08baron-cohen.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

A man’s brain is made to systemize things, to analyze, construct and explore. When we accept that God gave men some superior abilities to women in these areas then it will come as no shock that 73% percent of Computer Scientists are men.

“20 percent of bachelor’s degrees in computer science go to women, even though female graduates hold 60 percent of all bachelor’s degrees.”

Heather R. Huhman, Forbes

http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/06/20/stem-fields-and-the-gender-gap-where-are-the-women/

There are more highly intelligent men than highly intelligent women

While men and women have about the same average IQ (according to intelligence testing), men vary much more than women do. What that means is there are more men at each spectrum of intelligence than women (below average and above average). However after crossing the average intelligence threshold the amount of men who have above average IQs begins to dominate the women bringing us to the point where there are eight genius level IQ men to every one woman genius.

http://www.iqcomparisonsite.com/sexdifferences.aspx

Many people try and explain away the fact that men dominate the STEM fields as simply a cultural thing that can be overcome with time.  We see commercials and books and articles telling us we have to encourage more young girls to get into the STEM fields.  But no one even considers the fact that there simply may not be as many women who are cognitively wired for these fields.

You can’t make someone more intelligent, and you can’t turn someone into a genius, either you are, or you are not.

Girls mature faster than boys

There is a difference between maturity and intelligence.  No one could argue with that fact that generally speaking, girls mature far faster than boys.  Take any 15 year old girl, and compare her to a 15 year old boy, and you will see a huge difference in maturity.

But guess what? If we understand God’s design for women as presented in the Bible, it is no shock to us that girls must mature faster than boys.

Guess why? Because up until the last 100 years or so, for the all of human history women typically became mothers by the time they reached age 15 or sooner. They had to be mature faster, they were parents at a much earlier age than boys typically were.

Since God designed women to be wives and mothers first and foremost, not business leaders, politicians, engineers and scientists, they mature much faster than boys. This also explains why most women are not generally drawn to, nor do they have the natural ability, generally speaking, to go into these fields.

Different kinds of intelligence

When we say someone is “smart” or “smarter”, what do we mean? Generally speaking we are referring to how capable they are at grasping different intellectual topics.  People can be “smart” in different ways.  Some people are creative writing geniuses, but stink at the math and science fields.  While typically the same people who excel at math and science fields are not always good in the creative and artistic fields.  So yes there are definitely different kinds of intelligence.

But are there people, who possess neither creative(or artistic) intelligence, or math and science intelligence? Absolutely. In fact that would probably describe the majority of the world’s population. That is why we pay creative and intelligent people more, and why certain fields pay so much money, because there are so few people who can do certain jobs.

But the reality is, in just about every field, whether it is a creative field, business, political, or STEM, men dominate these fields, world-wide.

Conclusion

Mr. Affleck, yes your daughters might have matured faster than your son, and someday they may be even prove to be smarter than your son, but that would be the exception, not the norm.  The world around you tells a very different story about whether boys are smarter than girls, and the verdict is all around you, intelligent and business savvy men are the norm, super intelligent and business savvy women are the exception.

In lieu of all the hate comments I might get here – no I do not think women are dumb. But I think it is dumb to say girls are smarter than boys, when that simply is not the case, and later in life the world shows otherwise.

 

 

 

 

How to make your husband your best friend

Husband and wife

Do you hear other women talk about how they are best friends with their husbands? Do you desperately want that for your marriage?

The reality is you may never be best friends with your husband, in fact in most marriages spouses are not best friends. I know that is not what you wanted to hear when you opened up this post. You wanted a list of 10 ways you can be best friends with your husband, but there is no magic equation for this.

You can close this post, and go and google other articles that tell you how to be best friends with your husband, but when these fail you, you will find what I have said here to be the truth.

Your husband is not your girlfriend

This is just a plain and simple truth. Your husband is not your girlfriend. We as men do not want to sit and discuss our feelings, but you ladies love to do that, because that is how God made you. We like to solve problems, we listen and come up with plans. You just want to experience your feelings, and as a woman you attach feelings to just about everything that happens in your world.

We as men don’t necessarily attach feelings to each and every action or event that occurs in our life. Yes we have feelings, but we attach feelings to far fewer things in our life than you ladies do.

We as men are creatures of action, you as a woman are a creature of feeling. There is nothing wrong with either, as God has designed us both for different purposes.

This is why women are often so much better at taking care children, sick people or the elderly. These caretaking positions require feelings and empathy. Especially in regard to children since they are so emotional, this is why women connect SO MUCH BETTER with small children then men typically do.

You need girl time!

If you are often finding yourself frustrated with not feeling connected with your husband, sometimes it is because you just need to connect with other women and you may not even realize that. You need to make an intentional effort to find girlfriends at church or work, and connect with other women on a weekly basis. You need that full emotional connection that only other women can give you.

Am I giving husbands a free pass?

No I am not giving your husband a free pass to never talk to you or connect with you. It is good for husbands and wives to communicate on a daily basis, but just realize that for him this is not how he is wired and his communication with you may be short and brief. Your husband may compare notes with your about your day and his day, he may discuss plans for the week. But he may not necessarily ask you how you feel about this or that thing your are discussing, the way your girlfriend would. Don’t be angry with him about this. Be happy that he is at least trying to make an effort.

How should I communicate with my husband?

As I previously said, I am not giving husbands a free pass. Your husband needs to listen to you, and you need to listen to him. If you are upset because your mom died – should your husband be there to hear you cry and hold you? Of course he should! But don’t expect him to say a lot, he is going to do what he can to comfort you in nonverbal ways, he may just listen and say short responses. Don’t be angry about this.

Now maybe one of your girlfriends made an offensive remark to you and you are crying about it. Here he may not be as responsive, because he really does not see it as big of deal as you do. He may have a short response like “I am sorry she said that you” and be ready to move on while you want to really experience your feelings for about hour with him. This might be a time to call another girlfriend, because he might not get it.

Let your husband exercise his natural problem solving abilities

A lot of relationship books say husbands should just listen to their wives and not try to solve problems, even though every fiber of our being is screaming out to solve our wives’ problems. You need to have a rolodex of girlfriends on speed dial. When you need to talk about different problems in your life, you should call your girlfriends first to just allow yourself to “feel” your problems and vent.

But at the end of the day, problems do often need solving. So perhaps after you have vented and “felt” your problems with your girlfriends, then go to your husband, and let him offer you advice. If you are a Christian woman, this is one the reasons God gave you your husband. To lead you, and solve problems for you.

But I am best friends with my husband – you are wrong!

Ok maybe you are a woman reading this and you feel like you are best friends with your husband. You feel that you connect with your husband exactly as you do with your girlfriends. That’s great! But if this is truly the case then you are in a very small minority. I have written other posts on this blog about masculine women and feminine men. There are some more feminine men that are much more emotional than the average man, and they are better able to connect with their wife’s emotions and give her that “girlfriend” connection she needs. But the reality, most men are not even a fraction as emotional as women are, and they are much less verbal than women typically are.

Maybe we can’t be best friends, but can we be friends at all?

Certainly you can cultivate a friendship with your husband. But just realize that all friendships depend upon having at least one thing in common. The more things you have in common, the deeper the friendship can be.

Find something your husband likes to do and try to cultivate an interest in that. For instance in my marriage, my wife cultivated an interest in politics and the news because I am a huge news and politics junkie. This gives us something in common – a way to connect. So occasionally my wife will just bring up something she saw on the news for us to talk about it and she will ask me what I think.

I on the other hand I cultivated an interest in baseball because my wife and her Mom and Dad are huge Detroit Tiger fans. Before I met my wife I knew almost nothing about baseball (or any sports), now years later I can carry on a conversation about baseball and I know all the players on our team.

You and your husband may be very different people

The fact is that men and women fall in love (or infatuation), and only find out after they get married that they have very little in common. I am going to make a statement now that you really need to ponder, and understand the truth of, if you want to have a happy marriage:

A loving and committed marriage is NOT dependent on how much you and your husband have in common. But a deep friendship IS DEPENDENT on how much you have in common with your husband.

Here are some things that might make having a deep friendship with your husband more difficult, if not impossible:

  1. He is an introvert, you are an extrovert
  2. He is a Republican, you are Democrat
  3. He is a Baptist, you are Catholic.
  4. He is a saver, you are a spender.
  5. He loves Science fiction, you detest Science fiction.
  6. You love reality TV, he hates reality TV.
  7. He loves video games and computers, you hate video games and computers(except for Facebook)
  8. He believes in traditional gender roles, and you don’t.
  9. He loves to read theological, philosophical and historical books, you only like to read People magazine or Cosmo.

This list could go on and on. If you have things like this where you and your husband are on opposite sides of the canyon, it will be very difficult to cultivate a deep friendship in these cases. But don’t mistake this as saying you can’t still have a loving and caring marriage, because you can.

Friendship is not the reason for marriage

Friendship is not the reason God made marriage. He made marriage for two reasons, one is physical and one is symbolic. The symbolic reason God made marriage is to represent the relationship between himself and his people. In marriage, Man represents God, and Woman represents the people of God.

In the same way that God leads, protects and provides for his people, God expects a husband to lead, protect and provide for his wife. In the same way that God expects his people submit to and serve him he expects a wife to submit to and serve her husband.

The physical reasons God made marriage was for companionship (as opposed to friendship) – where God said “it is not good for man to be alone” and for having children (“be fruitful and multiply”). Marriage is the mechanism through which God would have the human race expand and survive.

But can you have an intimate relationship with someone who are you are not close friends with?

Absolutely! While it is true that deep friendship requires intimacy and things in common, a companionship can be intimate, without it being a deep friendship. You should be intimate with your husband, and he with you (and I don’t just mean in a sexual way). You should know what your husband’s favorite foods are, what his favorite colors are, his favorite clothes, his world view, his hopes and dreams as well as his greatest fears. He should know these same intimate things about you.

Adjust your expectations about friendship in your marriage and you will be happy

Unmet expectations cause huge friction in marriages. When you as a wife expect your husband to meet the same needs that only another woman can meet, you will continually be angry with him. But when you come to the fact that he is a man, and you are woman and will you never meet all each other’s needs you will be much happier for it.

Does the Bible allow for a woman to be President of the United States?

WomenForPresident

Why were there no female priests in Israel and no female Apostles? Why were there no female queens appointed by God to rule over Israel? Was it just cultural sexism or was the lack of women ruling over men based on the what these people understood and accepted about God’s design of gender roles?

Moving forward to our modern culture, does the Bible allow for a woman to President of the United States?

A brief history of Women seeking America’s highest office

Contrary to popular belief, Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton are not the first women in American history to seek America’s highest office. In 1884, Belva Lockwood, an activist for voting rights for women and for African Americans campaigned for president.

In 1872 and 1892, Victoria Woodhull ran for President of the United States the first time from the Equal Rights Party, and the second time from the Humanitarian Party.

Many other women since then have either run for President from very small parties, or have sought the nominations of the Republican or Democratic parties.

What does the Bible say about a woman being President?

Obviously there was no such thing as a President in Biblical times, so the Bible would not specifically mention it. But the Bible does teach Patriarchy (male leadership over women).

The Bible tells us Man is to lead Woman in the Home:

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.”

Ephesians 5:23(KJV)

The Bible tells us Man is to lead Woman in the Church:

“This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;”

I Timothy 3:1-4(KJV)

The Bible tells us Man is to lead Woman in Society:

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

I Corinthians 11:3(KJV)

Other Biblical facts that go against women in leadership positions over men

Christian Feminists have spent the last century attempting to explain away the clear teachings of God’s Word that I have mentioned above. In addition there are many more facts they cannot overcome.

Never in Israel’s history was there ever a female high priest, or female priest period.

Never in Israel’s history did God appoint a female Queen to rule over Israel.

None of the Apostles were women (you would think if God believed in gender equality, he could have carved out at least one slot out of 12 right?)

There is not one recorded instance of a female Pastor in the New Testament.

While I would agree with my feminist Christian friends that the absence of something does not necessarily forbid that thing, it certainly makes for a stronger case when we have verses that clearly say that man is the head of woman, the husband is the head of the wife, and in the church a Bishop is “a man” who is “the husband of one wife” and one that “ruleth well his own house”.

But what about women leaders in the Bible?

This is the primary weapon that Christian feminists have used to assault the patriarchal system that is clearly taught from Old Testament and into the New Testament. Below I will mention each one of these women who are raised as an objection to the Bible’s teaching on Patriarchy in society, the church and the home. Then I will mention a brief note on each explaining her role.

Miriam – prophet. – It never specifically says she exercised authority over men.

Deborah – prophet; judge; led the army of Israel into battle with Barak, their commander. She was a spiritual and moral leader. She did not seek to lead with Barak, he begged her to. She shamed him by telling him God would hand their enemies into the hands of a “woman”. It is interesting the Bible says she sat under a tree, and not at the city Gates as leaders typically did.

Hulda – prophet during the reign of Josiah. She served at a time when Israel had forsaken God, one of their darkest hours. Josiah sought to restore worship and the Word of God and sent messengers to her to seek the will of God.

Anna – a widow who became a prophet and pronounced Jesus to be the redeemer of Israel

Lydia – business woman in the Philippian Church, but the Bible never refers to her as a leader or a Pastor.

Priscilla – helped Paul while he was establishing churches at Corinth and Ephesus; with her husband Aquila, corrected Apollo’s preaching and helped him to learn of the new way in Christ.

Junias – contrary to feminist teachings, she was not an Apostle, but she was honored by the Apostles for her work in the Lord.

Phoebe – a servant in the Church at Cenchrea, She was not a deacon as feminists assert.

Let’s address the Deborah and the Hulda in the room

Only two of the 8 women mentioned often by Christian feminists truly exercised spiritual leadership over men.

The time periods when Deborah and Hulda were prophets were times of great moral and spiritual decay for Israel. Men were no longer exercising moral or spiritual leadership as we can see in Barak’s refusal to go to war without Deborah by his side.

Let me be blunt – God called women into spiritual leadership roles, as an exception to his design, in order to shame the men into bringing the nation back to God, and into exercising their God given responsibility to lead in the church, the home and in the nation.

In no way does the Bible EVER paint women in leadership roles as a positive thing, but it is something God uses to shame the men into action.

“As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.”

Isaiah 3:12(KJV)

God is allowed to make exceptions to his own rules

God made these exceptions to his own design at limited and specific times:

  1. God allowed a donkey to speak to a Balaam in Numbers chapter 22.
  2. God tells the prophet Isaiah to go and prophesy naked for 3 years in Isaiah chapter 20.
  3. God tells the prophet Hosea to go marry a prostitute (something clearly forbidden for priests) in Hosea chapter 1.
  4. God took Enoch (in Genesis 5) and Elijah (2 Kings 2) directly to heaven without them first experiencing physical death.

My point is – God can and does make exceptions to his design at various times. But unless God actually directly commands an exception to his design, as in the case with Deborah and Hulda, we have no right to deviate from his design of patriarchy in the home, the church or society at large.

What God says women are to do

Christian feminists spend so much time looking for exceptions to God’s design that they stumble and fall over God’s clear direction to women, as to the normal way a Christian woman should live her life.

God says his normal design is for women is to be helpmeets to men and this is how women are commanded to live:

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

I Timothy 5:14(KJV)

“The aged women… That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:3-5(KJV)

The Bible is crystal clear here in regards to God’s design for women. Young women are to marry, have children and manage their homes for their husbands. They are to be obedient to their husbands, to love their husbands and children and to be discreet. When women are older they are then to teach the younger women how to be good Christian wives and mothers.

The Bible does not forbid women from spiritually leading other women, as long as that leadership does not contradict with a churches authority, or a husband’s or father’s authority.

This would allow for Christian women’s conferences, for Christian women to teach ladies Sunday school classes, and for women to write books or blogs as long they are not exercising spiritual or physical authority over men.

I have given all this Biblical evidence, and answered the false arguments of Christian feminists to say this – a Christian woman has no business running for or assuming the office of President of the United States. In fact a Christian woman has no business being in a leadership position over men, whether it is in the home, the church or society at large. God says “the head of the woman is the man” we would do well to follow his design.

But do we need to submit to female leaders in Government as Christians?

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.”

Romans 13:1(KJV)

God tells us that rulers, good or bad, are allowed to come to power by his will. We are commanded to pay taxes and be subject to our rulers. That includes if they are women. If a woman run’s for President, that is something between her husband and her, and between God and her. We can and should teach God’s design, but at the end of the day, we each have a personal responsibility before God.

Would I vote for a female President?

Depending on the situation, yes. The reason is if the female candidate comes closer to Christian positions than the male candidate, I must support the lesser of the two evils. For instance if the female candidate is pro-life and the male candidate is pro-choice, I will most likely vote for the female candidate unless she is way off in some other way.

Update 10/13/2016

The 2016 Election and the choice between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump

I originally wrote this article back in 2014 long before Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton became the candidates representing our two major political parties here in the United States.

As I write this update to this article today our nation is faced with a huge choice coming in less than a month.  This article has spiked on google as Christians search out the truth of how they should vote.

Is the fact that Hillary Clinton is a woman the only reason I as a Christian man am not voting for Hillary Clinton? No.

But in the world of politics we often have to choose the lesser of the two evils.

The prophet Daniel served under Kings that lead sinful and immoral lives and as long as they did not ask him to sin against his God he served them faithfully.  The point is sometimes we don’t get a simple choice between a godly person and an ungodly person in politics.  Sometimes the choice is between two ungodly and sinful people and I believe that is the choice we are being presented with in this 2016 Presidential election.

I would have considered voting for Hillary, despite her being a woman which is a violation of God’s design if she did not have these things on her record:

  1. She is a proponent of abortion and especially the heinous partial birth abortion.
  2. She is for forcing Christian businesses and other faith based organizations to violate their religious beliefs by making them provide contraceptives through their insurance.
  3. She is for forcing Christian businesses and other faith based organizations to violate their religious beliefs by making them accept and participate in gay marriage(bakers, photographers, wedding planners, county clerks and judges).
  4. She is for going after churches that endorse conservative Christian candidates and who call out liberal candidates as unchristian.
  5. She believes in legalized theft of private property through the government seizing the private property of some(money) and simply redistributing it to others.  It is one thing to take taxes to pay for basic government services – that is a Biblical concept.  It is another when you take what one man has rightfully earned and simply give it to another man who has done nothing to earn it.
  6. She does not believe that a nation has the right to defend its borders, language, culture and economy.  One of the first duties of government is to defend it’s nation from all outside threats whether they be military(including terrorists), cultural or economic threats.

Hillary Clinton has many other flaws including being a liar and a corrupt politician. Is Donald Trump a liar too? Yes he has been caught in many lies. So perhaps on this issue of lying they may be equally flawed.

Donald Trump despite his flaws(and they are many) is a candidate whose positions on the issues of our time comes far closer to a Biblical perspective than does Hillary Clinton’s.

These are the reasons I will be voting for Donald Trump in the next month:

  1. He proposes that we strike the IRS provision put in by Lyndon Johnson in 1954(Section 501(c)(3)) that punishes Church leaders for making political endorsements or criticizing political candidates by removing their status as non-profit organizations.  This was a major violation of the first amendment right to free speech as well as freedom of religion and it must be struck down.
  2. While he has been careful on the issue of gay rights and gay marriage in his statements, if he appoints any of the judges on his list of judges these judges will bring a screeching halt to the gay rights movement assault on religious liberty.
  3. Speaking of judges – these same judges that Donald Trump has pledged to appoint to our various levels of Federal courts will uphold private property rights(another Biblical concept) as well.
  4. He has taken a pro-life position and is against partial birth abortions.
  5. He believes one of the most important duties of government is to protect the nation from outside harm whether it be cultural, economic or military threats including terrorism.

I am glad that God has allowed us in this election cycle to be able to vote for a man in keeping with his design that men should rule over women. I am glad that the male candidate is closer to the Bible in his positions than the woman so we will not have to go against God’s design in voting for a female president.

Other related articles:

How a Christian wife should handle a controlling husband

You were made for him

 

Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands

MenYelledAtByWoman

““Should a wife obey her husband? Be in subjection to him? Should she submit to him
as if he were God? Should a husband have authority over his wife as a master does
over a servant? Should women even reverence their husbands, obeying them, and
calling them Lord? The Bible does command a woman to do all of this, as we will show
from many scriptures! But the modern woman says, “NO!” The feminist movement has
insisted on woman’s equality with man in every respect. Women have invaded fields of
endeavor once given over entirely to men. Women, aided by preachers and reformers,
sought and secured the right to vote and hold office. Many religious denominations
have women preachers. Church work from singing in the choir to financing the church
and doing the Bible teaching is done principally by women. Men sit passively in an
occasional service, help pay the bills, and are politely indifferent as to whether the world
goes to hell or not!”

-Dr. John R. Rice,  Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands

I grew up in Baptist Churches hearing preaching exactly like that of Dr. John R. Rice.

RiceJohnR

Dr. John R. Rice(1895 – 1980)

He saw the softening of gender roles and he called it out for what is it – sin, pure and simple.

He published a book in 1971, called “Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands” and its words could not be more needed today.  I don’t agree with everything he taught as I am sure some people agree with some things I teach and disagree with other things I teach.  I would not even necessarily agree with everything he wrote in this book.  But where he is preaching God’s Word, clear an plain – I say AMEN.

These are some other notable statements Dr. Rice made in this book:

“If women knew and cared about what God expects their attitude to be toward their
husbands they would be much more careful in accepting him, and marriage would last
longer and be happier. God’s word uses stronger language than any man would dare
use of his own choice on the same subject. In fact, God’s language is so strong that
most preachers, in their cowardly submission to modern tendencies, ignore it or explain
it away as fit only for other times or only under ideal circumstances. We preachers must
answer to God for the way we preach his word, so I give you what he says about a
wife’s duty toward her husband.

1. Wives, Submit ‘As Unto the Lord’
Study and scriptures given carefully and remember that the words are God’s words, not
mine, nor any man’s. Ephesians 5:22-25,28, 33 is one of the clearest passages on the
duty of a wife:

‘22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23. For the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the
savior of the body. 24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in everything. 25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ
also loved the church, and gave himself for it;…..28. So ought men to love their wives
as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself……33. Nevertheless let
every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she
reverence her husband.’

Wives should submit themselves to their own husbands ‘as unto the Lord’ (vs. 22). A
woman should obey her husband as if it were the Lord she were obeying, for in truth it
is. That means a cheerful obedience which comes from a loving and an obedient heart.
To obey her husband should be a part of a Christian wife’s religion. She submits to him
‘as unto the Lord.’

2. Wives to ‘Be Subject…in Everything’

Verse 24 quoted above says that ‘as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands IN EVERYTHING.’ It is true that every man, woman and
child, every servant and citizen are to put God first and obey him first. But here the
scripture seems to take for granted that there will never be a case where God will call
upon a wife to disobey her husband. Women are to be subject to their husbands just as
the church is subject to Christ even in everything! A woman is to be subject to her husband even in church and in religious knowledge, as we learn in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.
Wives sometimes think they please God by spending time in routine church work
when their husbands want them to attend to duties at home. I have known numerous
cases where wives sought to give money to the Lord’s cause without the husband’s
consent, sometimes stealing the money from his clothes to tithe. This was wrong
according to Numbers 30:13-15.
If the husband forbids it, he is responsible, not she.
Wives are to be subject to their own husbands in everything, says the word of God. In
her body the wife is to be subject to her husband, even as she is to have the freedom of
his body (1 Cor 7:35).
A wife is to be subject to her husband in the way she directs the
house, spends the money committed to her, controls the children, the way she dresses,
the company she keeps in everything.”

This message needs to be read by every Preacher and Priest in this country and our churches need to once again start preaching the Word of God in regarding one his most important teaches, the doctrines of Biblical manhood and Biblical womanhood.

Every husband and wife need to read God’s Word, and accept it and live by it.  Only by following God’s design for men and women can we truly find peace.

A larger excerpt of his book can be found at this here

 

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 2

MasculineWomenFeminineMen2

In the previous post, we established the fact that there are masculine women and feminine men. But does God care if a man acts more feminine and woman acts more masculine? Does God care if a man is passive and would rather his wife lead his family? Does God care if a woman is more aggressive and assertive, or if she would rather be fighting on the battlefield then cooking for her family in the kitchen?

The answer is YES. God talks about gender issues all over the Bible. The genders are not made by accident, they were made by design.

The reality is no matter how feminine a man you may be, you are still a MAN.

No matter how masculine you may be as a woman, you are still a WOMAN.

God cares about how men and women dress

The Bible addresses the issue of women and men wearing different clothes:

“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.”

Deuteronomy 22:5(KJV)

It is interesting that God did not take cross dressing lightly, God calls it an “abomination” for a man to dress like a woman, or for a woman to dress like a man. The churches would do well to take this more seriously than we do in our modern unisex society.

God does condemns men dressing or acting as women or being homosexuals

I am not in any way saying that just because a woman has some masculine qualities or a man has some feminine qualities that they will automatically be drawn to cross gender behavior or homosexuality. But in extreme cases where a man is extremely feminine or a woman is extremely masculine this is often a much greater temptation.

“9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”

I Corinthians 6:9-11(NASB)

Let me also be clear after quoting I Corinthians 6 that being effeminate or a homosexual is one of many sins Christians may be tempted to do. It does not make you any less of a sinner if you are tempted to commit fornication or adultery, than to dress feminine or commit homosexual acts. We have a choice to fight our sinful nature or not fight it.

God wants men to lead, protect and provide for their wives and children

Whether a man feels assertive, or like a leader, God calls him to lead, protect and provide for his home.

“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”

I Corinthians 16:13

“…fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.”

Nehemiah 4:14 (NASB)

“For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church…”

Ephesians 5:23(NASB)

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4(NASB)

“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

I Timothy 5:8(NASB)

“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children…”

Proverbs 13:22(NASB)

“House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers…”

Proverbs 19:14(NASB)

God calls women to help their husbands, bare children and keep the home

Whether you as a woman feel like being Betty Crocker or not, God has called you to the most sacred duty of being a help meet to your husband, the barer of his children and the keeper of his home.

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

I Timothy 5:13-15(KJV)

“…teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:4-5(KJV)

“She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.”

Proverbs 31:27(NASB)

Women are to be respectful of the authority of men, and are not to be in dominate positions over men

Some women have a more dominate spirit about them, but that spirit by be channeled and conformed to God’s design for them as women. Women can lead and teach other women, and they can lead and teach their children. So if a woman is opinionated and strong-willed, this is where her abilities must be channeled to.

My daughter loves to write, and I hope she will use that someday perhaps in writing a Christian woman’s blog. There are many ways women can use their talents and abilities, but they must always make sure they are conforming to design God has made for them.

But the Bible is clear, that no matter how masculine a woman may be, she is never allowed to dominate men, and especially not her husband. Her spirit around men and her husband should be one of gentleness, quietness and respectfulness.

“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.”

I Corinthians 11:3(NASB)

“But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.”

I Timothy 2:12(NASB)

“…the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33(NASB)

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands… Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

I Peter 3:1 & 3-4(NASB)

But why did God make me this way?

This is the inevitable question I have heard many times on many forums when the discussion of gender roles and femininity in men or masculinity in women is raised.

God originally designed man with a certain kind of nature. He designed him with a mind and body to lead, protect and provide. Anything that is in a man that is contrary to these traits is a corruption of our original God given design, the Bible tells us we are corrupted because of sin.

This does not mean that all sensitivity in man is a bad thing. Kind David was one of the manliest men in the Bible, yet he wrote and played some of the most beautiful music and poetry ever written. But this same sensitive musician, went out and killed the Giant Goliath for insulting his God and then cut his head off.

A man being more sensitive may help in a role as counselor or jobs that require a lot of creativity. So some feminine qualities in a man are not necessarily a bad thing. But the same qualities that make a man good at his job, make present him with challenges in his marriage and home life if he becomes passive and unambitious. A Christian man needs to recognize this and ask God for help in being the man in his home that he needs to be.

In the same way, the qualities of being ambitious and assertive may help a woman in teaching Sunday school or heading up a ladies group at church, or even writing a book or blog,. These qualities may even help her in teaching and disciplining her children, but being ambitious and assertive where she attempts to usurp her husband’s authority would be a misuse of these tendencies.

There is nothing wrong with a woman being competitive as she plays for the church ladies softball team, but her competitiveness may become a problem if she begins to compete with her husband for authority or control in her marriage. Such a woman needs to pray for God to channel her ambitiousness, assertiveness and competiveness in areas that do not violate God’s boundaries and God’s design.

Conclusion of Masculine women and Feminine Men Part 2

In this final part of my two part series on Masculine women and Feminine men we established that God does indeed care about there be a difference between the sexes, both in clothing and behavior.

Women are to be quite and gentle with men, and to have a submissive spirit about them. This gentleness, quietness and submissiveness is essence of femininity according to the Bible. While the statement is often derided in our modern culture, the Bible is clear that woman’s place is in the home. This does not mean she never leaves the home to do shopping or even perhaps run a business out of her home as the Proverbs 31 wife did. But everything she does, focuses back on the fact that God created her for her husband, her children and her home.

Men need to be assertive and ambitious, they need to lead and “act like men” as the Bible calls them to. In his home a man needs to take charge, and set the tone of his family. His leadership is to be firm, but loving just as God’s leadership is firm but loving to us. The father should instruct his wife and children in the ways of God’s Word. He is to provide for his wife the things she needs to make a home for him and his children. He should leave his children and inheritance. Everything he does should focus on how God would have him to lead, protect, provide for and ultimately love his wife and children.

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 1

 

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 1

MasculineWomenFeminineMen

To deny that there are masculine women and feminine men would be like denying there are ever cool days in the summer and warm days in the winter. We do not generally associate coolness with summer, or warmness with winter, but these things happen regardless.

But It would also be a mistake to say there are no such things a masculine and feminine qualities, this is something many feminists and egalitarians are trying to do today. That would be the same as saying that most winter days are not cold and most summers are days are not hot.  Genders do have normal behaviors.

It is a biological lie to deny the existence of masculine and feminine traits.

Masculinity and Femininity Defined

There are some traits that have been identified with masculinity and femininity since the dawn of civilization.

Masculine physical traits – taller and larger body builds, more muscular, deeper voices, thicker and more body hair, tougher skin, thicker eyebrows and facial hair.

Masculine behavioral traits – Aggressive, assertive, ambitious, courageous, competitive, logical and analytical. More prone to acting, then talking.

Female physical traits – shorter and smaller body builds, little muscle, higher voices, thinner and less body hair, softer skin, thinner eyebrows and no facial hair.

Female behavioral traits – Passive, submissive, cautious, cooperative, emotional and more empathetic. More prone to talking, then acting.

Masculine and Feminine Clothing– While clothing styles have changed over the last few thousand years, the concept of men and women wearing clothing that would distinguish their gender is as old as creation.

Whether it was in ancient Egypt, or the Assyrian Empire, or even among the Greeks and the Romans there was always “masculine” clothing and “feminine” clothing. Sometimes the differences were very pronounced and other times they were more subtle, but the differences were always there.

There was a time after Western civilization moved from tunics and robes to pants and dresses that men wore only pants (except for clergy and governing officials’ still wearing robes) and women wore only dresses. In the last century it has become socially acceptable for women to wear pants, but women’s pants are still cut and made different than men’s.

Women actually have a much broader range of acceptable clothing than men in Western culture where they can wear a dress one day, and the next day they can wear pants. It is not generally accepted in Western culture for men to wear dresses or skirts, or women’s pants and shirts. One notable exception to the “no skirts” rule for men would be the Scottish Kilt. But the Scotsmen still get teased about that to this very day.

As far as colors go, women also have a broader range of acceptable colors. While a woman can wear darker colors and softer pastels, men who wear lighter and softer pastel colors are generally perceived as wearing more feminine clothing(especially by other men). The feminist movement over the last 50 years has tried to make it more acceptable for men to wear soft pastel colors in a broader attempt to feminize society.

So with masculinity and femininity defined lets delve into how this impacts masculine women and feminine men.

Degrees of Masculinity and Femininity

Once we acknowledge the fact that there are masculine women and feminine men we must then recognize that there are varying degrees of masculinity and varying degrees of femininity. For instance a man may be very manly in 90% of his physical and behavioral traits, but there may be a small amount of feminine behavior or physical traits in one area of his life.

The same could be said of a woman, where for the most part she is extremely feminine, but there may be some small part of her that is more masculine (whether it is in behavior or physical attributes). Let me give some examples to illustrate what I am saying:

There are some beautiful and extremely feminine women who are extremely competitive. Maybe they like to play sports, it would be mistake to call that type of woman a masculine woman just because she gets a little competitive on the softball field.

There are some men that look very manly, big muscular and hairy, but the minute they open their mouth you hear a high, soft sounding voice. Just because a man’s voice sounds more feminine, does not make him a feminine man.

What does a Masculine woman look like?

A masculine woman is a woman that has several masculine traits, not just some minor masculine issues. For instance maybe a woman is built more like a man. Perhaps she has boxy hips (as opposed to round) and she has big broad shoulders like a man and she is more naturally muscular. At least from a physical perspective, this type of woman would be considered more masculine.

Then there are women who are more masculine in their behavior. Masculine women are generally more aggressive, assertive, competitive and less emotional and empathetic than the average woman.

Masculine women may or may not care about their appearance as a woman. I have worked with many woman in business and I can honestly say I have seen both. I have seen some masculine women, that dress beautifully and in a very feminine way, but the moment they open their mouth and when they get with a group of men they might as well be a man.

Then you have the masculine women who are not only masculine in their behavior, but they even try to dress like men and they don’t care about their looks or try to distinguish themselves cosmetically as a woman.

You will notice I put a picture of female combat soldier on the picture introducing this post. Might this woman be feminine in many ways? Certainly. But I have yet to meet or see a female solider on TV that you would say is a very feminine woman. At best female soldiers are only moderately feminine in their behavior.

What does a feminine man look like?

I know I put a man dancing on the picture introducing this post, but it was not meant to say all men who can dance are feminine men. I have watched enough dancing shows with my wife to know there are some manly men who dance.  However many male dancers are in fact feminine men, this is just a reality.

Just like with women, there are men that may be more feminine in physical traits like being shorter, smaller, softer and less muscular.

But there are also men that may look very manly from a physical perspective, but behaviorally they are very feminine in that they are cooperative as opposed to competitive, they are more emotional and empathetic and they are generally more passive.

Sources of Feminine behavior in men and Masculine behavior in women

Obviously if a man has physically feminine features or a woman has masculine physical features this is purely genetic (unless they had sex change surgery of course).

Even feminine behavior in men and masculine behavior in women may completely come from genetics.

But we must also acknowledge that parents, and environment can definitely play a part in shaping feminine behavior in men and masculine behavior in women. Some girls may have been raised as tom boys by their Dads because he never had a son. Other girls may have been the only girl surrounded by brothers and that helped them to become more masculine in their behavior.

Still some men may have been emasculated by their mothers, or had their masculinity ridiculed.

The point is – feminine behavior in men and masculine behavior in women can come from genetics or environment or a combination of both.

Conclusion of Masculine women and Feminine Men Part 1

In this first part of this series, I just wanted to lay the ground work for a discussion about this issue. I wanted first and foremost to acknowledge that there are in fact feminine men and masculine women. There are many varying degrees of masculinity and femininity as well.

We also discussed that the sources of feminine behavior in men or masculine behavior in women may be purely genetic or they may be as a result of environmental conditioning.

I know you are asking the question – so what? Our modern world says if a man wants to act (or even dress like a woman) that is perfectly fine. It also tells women if they want to act and dress as men that is fine too. But how does God feel about this? Has he addressed this in his Word?

In the next post in this series I will answer these questions from a Biblical Christian perspective.

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 2