Is it Fair for A Fat Christian Man to Expect His Wife to Remain Fit?

There are few things that Egalitarians hate more than an old man married to a young woman or a fat man married to a fit woman.  But when it comes to men exercising their power over their wives, complementarians and even some patriarchists will join egalitarians in condemning the fat husband for expecting his wife to remain fit. But what does the Bible say about this situation?

 I have already given principles of what should guide a man’s weight in previous posts in this series on fitism as well as general principles that guide a woman’s weight. In this final post on this topic of fitism, we will apply principles I have previously established to this issue.

And for all my critics of my view of fitism – no my wife is not fit, neither do I expect her to be – she has big breasts and a big rear end just the way I like it.   We are both nearing our 50s and are overweight by government standards (CDC/NIH) standards.   My point is – no I am not the fat guy expecting my wife to remain fit.  My wife has never been fit since I met her and I like her fuller figure just fine.

Also, just for those who are wondering, I am pretty active physically despite having a sedentary job as a software developer.  I take walking breaks during my work day and I also walk at night after work.

So now let’s get to the million-dollar question.  And its actually a pretty quick and easy answer from a biblical perspective.

Is it fair for a fat man to expect his wife to remain fit?

It has always seemed strange to me that many traditional Christians reject egalitarianism in so many areas yet in this area of body fat percentage they lock arms with egalitarians.

A common statement we hear on the matter of weight and body appearance is that “Spouses need to keep their bodies sexually appealing for each other”.

Egalitarians, complementarians and even some patriarchists point to 1 Corinthians 7:4 to support an egalitarian view of sexual appeal – “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.”

The claim is that 1 Corinthians 7:4 gives husbands and wives equal power over each other’s bodily appearance.  But this is false.  1 Corinthians 7:4 is condemning sexual denial in marriage.  It does not give a woman ownership over her husband’s body, it gives her access.

Another egalitarian argument which is also borrowed by complementarians and some patriarchists is “How can a fat man expect his wife to be fit? If he is fat then she should be able to be fat as well”.

All of these arguments show a denial of a crucial Biblical principle taught in 1 Corinthians 11:9 “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man”.

Man was not created to be woman’s companion, to support her in her career goals, to care for her children while she works or keep the house.  But rather, woman was created to do all these things for man.     

Man was not created to be beautiful for woman or to bring her sexual pleasure.  But rather, woman was created to do these things for man.

Some will ask “Why then does the Bible tell men not to deny sex to their wives?” The answer is that woman was created with a desire for sex and the ability to enjoy sex FOR man.   And God expects men to make full use of his design of sex in marriage.

Click here to go back to the beginning of this series on fitism

Biblical Principles Which Determine a Woman’s Weight

Some Christians believe women should “follow the science” and let the government (CDC, NIH) determine their proper weight.  Others believe that women should weigh whatever makes them feel good about themselves. But what does the Bible teach? What biblical principles should guide a Christian woman in her weight loss journey?

The Bible says in Ephesians 5:24 (KJV) “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing”.  And “every thing” includes how much a woman weighs.

Since God has given the husband complete control over his wife, including her body, what considerations then should guide the husband in determining the right weight for his wife? The answer is that her duties should determine her weight.

The three primary duties of a wife are to bear children (1 Timothy 5:14), keep her home (Titus 2:5) and bring sexual pleasure to her husband (Proverbs 5:18-19).  And all of these duties are to be done in complete submission to her husband.

A woman’s fertility can be hindered by a body fat percentage that is too high or too low.  Also, her ability to care for her home and her children may be impacted by a body fat percentage that is too high or too low. These are two important considerations for husbands.

After considering impacts to her fertility as well as her duties to care for their home and their children there is another very important consideration a man must take into account.  What weight on his wife most sexually intoxicates him? (Proverbs 5:18-19)

Some men prefer large breasts, large hips and large rear ends on their wives.  And this combination often requires these women to have a higher body fat percentage.  Other men prefer a smaller fit build with small breasts, small hips and small rear ends on their wives.

All women gain weight as a result of their pregnancies.  The question of them returning to their pre-pregnancy weight is completely up to the husband.  Does he like her post pregnancy body better or does he want her to lose the weight? The choice is his.

The four biblical principles that determine a Christian wife’s proper weight are as follows:

1. God wants wives to submit to their husbands. 

2. God wants wives to have children. 

3. God wants wives to be homemakers.

4. God wants wives to be sexually pleasing to their husbands.

If you as a woman are fulfilling all these tasks which God has given you with the weight you are at, then you have a healthy weight in the eyes of God.

In the final part of this series, we will discuss the scenario of a fat husband expecting his wife to remain fit

Click here to go to the final part of this series

Biblical Principles Which Determine a Man’s Weight

The CDC and NIH have their own definitions of health for men which primarily center around men maintaining a certain BMI and body fat percentage.  But the Bible defines health for a man differently than our world.

This is the 4th part of a larger series I have been doing on the modern view of health and fitness which have infiltrated the church. 

A Biblical Definition of Health for a Man

A man has the spiritual duties to rule over, lead, teach, rebuke and chasten his wife (Gen 3:16, Eph 5:25-27, 1 Cor 14:35 & Rev 3:19) and the physical duties of providing for her, protecting her, having sex with her and impregnating her (Eph 5:28-29, Exod 21:10, Gen 1:28).

A man has the spiritual duties to teach, bring to maturity, and chasten his children (Eph 6:4, Prov 13:40). A father has the physical duties to provide for and protect his children (Prov 13:22, Matt 7:9-11, Neh 4:14). 

A man has the emotional duty to show grace and compassion toward his wife and children just as God does toward his people (Psalm 86:15).  And all a man’s duties, whether they be spiritual, physical or emotional must flow from his love for his wife and children.

If a man sees that he being hindered in any part of his duties to his wife and children, whether that hinderance be spiritual, emotional or physical he should seek help from other qualified men to remove those hinderances from his life.

Traditional Christian fitists would likely agree with all or nearly all the principles I just outlined. The problem is that they go beyond what the Bible says and do what Christ warned about in Matthew 15:9 “teaching for doctrines the commandments of men”.

Rather than simply agreeing with God’s command that men must provide for and protect their wives and children, fitists do what the pharisees did and add a man-made list of standards men must meet to be considered as properly providing for and protecting their families.

Before the modern age, if you lived long enough to “see thy children’s children” (Psalm 128:6), your grandchildren, that was considered a good long life.  Today we say people who don’t live to see their great grandchildren have lived short lives.

This modern obsession with worrying about how long we will live based on body fat percentages goes contrary to what Christ said in Matthew 6:25 “…Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on”.

If your body fat percentage as a man is not hindering you from doing your daily duties as a husband and father then in God’s eyes you are a healthy man.  If your body fat percentage is high enough that it is hindering you from doing your duties, seek help to reduce it.

Conclusion

From a biblical perspective, if a man can fulfill all the duties of a husband and father, he is healthy in the eyes of God.  If he marries, has children and helps those children reach adulthood he has fulfilled the mission God gave to him.

In the next part of this series, we will discuss the Biblical principles which should guide a woman’s weight.

Click here to go to the next part of this series

Is it a Sin for a Christian Not to Live a Healthy Lifestyle?

Is it a sin for a Christian not to have a regimented diet and exercise program with the intended purpose of living as long as they possible can?  Many Christians believe this.   But the Bible had different definition of health than the world does.

This is part of three of my series on fitism.  In the first part of my series, I defined fitism as the belief that a requirement of godliness is that Christians must have regimented diet and exercise programs which should result in having toned bodies and flat stomachs.

Now some fitists reading this series were probably screaming “It’s not just about how you look – its about your heath!”  And in this third part of my series, I will address the health argument that fitists try to make.

Christian Fitists Cling to a Worldly Definition of “Health”

Jesus didn’t tell us to live by “every study that comes from the scientific community”, but rather he told us to live by “every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). 

It is a bit ironic that many traditional Christians have correctly rejected “scientific consensus” about the efficacy of the covid vaccines or the need for “gender affirming” surgeries yet when it comes to what is healthy weight they accept “scientific consensus” as gospel truth.

The “obesity epidemic” was declared by the CDC in the late 1990s.  It followed the fitness movement which started in the late 70s and early 80s.  Scientific studies began to be produced to promote the BMI (Body Mass Index) model as the central focus of human health.

When studies in the 2000’s emerged that began to question the BMI model as the central determining factor of one’s future health many in the scientific and medical community refused to hear this.  In their minds, the science around the effects of weight and obesity were settled.

Some studies in the 2000’s and 2010’s showed that a large percent of people who were classified as overweight or even moderately obese where actually healthier than those who fell in the normal BMI range.

See “Why Scientists Can’t Agree on Whether It’s Unhealthy to Be Overweight” (Is It Unhealthy to Be Overweight? – The Atlantic) from the Atlantic which has a pretty good summary of the debate between Scientists on this issue.

As Christians we must understand that the CDC BMI categories for “Underweight”, “Healthy Weight”, “Overweight”, “Obese” and “Morbidly Obese” (40+) are not the Biblical definition of health. These categories represent the opinions of one side.  And there is another side.

It is absolutely truth that there are some people who have unhealthy weights due to being underweight or weighing too much.  But the definition of what should be considered normal healthy weight is much larger than BMI shows today. 

A General Biblical Definition of Health

In 3 John 1:2 the Bible says the following:

 “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health even as thy soul prospereth”.

What was the Apostle John, writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, wishing for believers when said “be in health”?

Believers in fitism see the phrase “be in health” as meaning “Make sure you eat a balanced diet of only organic foods and that your physical activity and your calorie intake results in a BMI that stays between 18.5 to 24.9 and you maintain a flat stomach with a toned body”.

But when we take 3 John 1:2 as a whole, it is more likely that John is praying that God would grant the believers financial prosperity and God would not allow them to get sick rather than hoping they would follow some regimented dietary and exercise program

If God was prescribing through John that Christians have a regimented diet and exercise plan, he would not have said in 1 Timothy 4:8 “bodily exercise profiteth little” nor would he have said in Romans 14:17 “For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness…”

The Bible says in Proverbs 3:1 & 6 & 8 “My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments… Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding… It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones”.

And in Proverbs 17:22 the Bible says “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones” and Proverbs 14:30 says “A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones”. 

The Biblical prescription for having good health is not a regimented diet and exercise program always aiming to keep a particular weight and aesthetic.  Instead, the Bible teaches us that following God’s law, trusting in God and having a joyful and content heart are the most important factors in keeping one’s health.

Conclusion

As a husband and father, you may choose to base your decision as to what constitutes a healthy body weight for yourself, your wife and your children on CDC BMI guidelines. But what you should not do is judge or teach your family to judge other families who do not accept this.

If you as a husband and father want to add a more regimented diet and exercise program for your wife and children in addition to encouraging them to follow God’s commands, to trust God and have joyful and content hearts there certainly are benefits to this.

But we as husbands and fathers should never lead our wives and children to believe that our health is solely dependent upon diet and exercise.  The Scriptures make clear that maintaining a right mental and spiritual outlook is the foundation for having good health.

In my next part of this series on fitism we will discuss specific principles which will help a Christian man to determine if he is indeed healthy in the eyes of God.

Click here to go the next part of this series

Does Our Bodies Being the Temple of God Mandate That We be Fit?

Some Christians take a true doctrine, that our bodies are the temple of God and use it to teach a false doctrine that our bodies being the temple of God means that all Christians must be fit.

This the second part of my series on the false doctrine of fitism.  

Just a quick recap from part of one this series on fitism.  I am defining fitism as the belief that a requirement of godliness is being fit – meaning that Christians are required to have regimented diet and exercise plans for the purpose of having toned bodies and flat stomachs.

Despite the clear teaching of 1 Timothy 4:8 which separates physical exercise from godliness and the biblical condemnation of judging others based on their diets in Romans 14:2-4 fitists try to undermine these passages with another biblical teaching that our bodies are the temple of God.

Our Bodies Are Indeed the Temple of God

In 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 the Bible states “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?  If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.”

Adherents of Fitism would claim that people who don’t have flat stomachs due to lack of a regimented diet and exercise plan are defiling the temple of God.    But Jesus told us something very different about what defiles our bodies.

In Matthew 15:11 Jesus said “Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man”.  Christ said it is not the food which goes into our mouths which defiles our body, but it is when we use our body for sin – that defiles.

In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 the Bible says “he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? … therefore glorify God in your body…”

Again, we see a common theme in the Scriptures when the principle that our bodies are the temple of God is mentioned.  And that theme is that we defile or sin against our body and against God when we use our body for sinful purposes. 

The Fitist would respond “Well engaging in gluttony is using your body for sinful purposes”.  And I would agree with that statement.  But the Bible would disagree with the fitist definition of a glutton being someone who does not have a flat stomach.

What Does the Bible Say About Gluttony

The Bible says in Proverbs 23:21 “For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags”.  The Hebrew word “Zalal” which is translated as “glutton” in this verse means “to be vile or riotous”.   The same Hebrew word is used in Proverbs 23:20 where it states “Be not among winebibbers; among riotous eaters of flesh”. 

Proverbs 25:16 gives us a clue as to what the Bible is actually condemning when it condemns zalal which we call gluttony.  It states “Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it”.   Gluttony is the sin of eating so much, that you feel like you’re going to vomit or you actually do vomit because of how much you have eaten. 

Gluttony in the Bible is riotous eating.  It is always closely linked with drunkenness.  It has to do with non-stop eating and drinking such as one would do at parties.  A glutton could be a skinny person or a fat person.  But being fat is not equal to being a glutton.

The Bible Shows Some Amount of Fat to Be a Good Thing

When Proverbs 28:25 says “…he that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be made fat” the Bible is not saying that only people who are overweight are trusting in God.  It uses the Hebrew word for fat, “dashen”, as a metaphor for prosperity.  But biblical metaphors matter.

For instance, in Proverbs 5:15 the Bible uses the picture of a man drinking water out of his own well as a metaphor for him having sex with his wife.  The metaphor is important – because it teaches us that sex is a need for a man, much like water is a need for the human body.

Many modern translations replace biblical metaphors with what the metaphors literally mean, thus robbing Christians of the additional truths that metaphors can teach us.  Every word of the Bible matters and every metaphor matters.

So, when the Bible uses the metaphor of someone being made fat to communicate that those who trust in the Lord will be made prosperous, we need to look at the metaphor itself, not just what it points to.  In Biblical times wealthy men and women were often overweight and this was a sign of prosperity.  

Metaphors can be used in positive and negative ways in the Bible.  And when God uses a metaphor to communicate something positive, such as when a man trusts in God he will be made to prosper, the metaphor is also something God approves of.

God is teaching us two truths in the last half of Proverbs 28:25. The most literal truth is that God will make the man who trusts in him to prosper.  The second truth found in the use of the metaphor is that God sees some form of fatness on a person as a good thing.

Now the fatness which God uses in a positive sense is not speaking of morbid obesity.  God does not make people weigh 600 pounds.  The sin of gluttony makes people weigh 600 lbs.  So, if God is not speaking positively of morbid obesity, what fatness on a person could be positive?

There is not an exact answer given in the Scriptures.  This area of body weight, like many other gray areas in the Bible, is left to husbands and fathers to decide as the interpreters and appliers of Scripture for their homes. 

Conclusion

The Bible never connects the principle that our bodies are the temple of God with us needing to meticulously care for our bodily health.   But rather it connects the principle of our bodies being the temple of God with us using our bodies for sin.

The Bible shows us that God sees some level of fatness as positive thing (Prov 28:25) while at the same time God condemns the sin of gluttony (Prov 23:21).  This teaches us the Biblical truth that it is possible to be fat and not be a glutton.

In part three of this series we will address the Biblical definition of health verses the worldly definition of health.

Click here to go to the next part of this series

Is Being Fat the Same as Being a Glutton in the Bible?

The short answer to this question is no – being fat is not synonymous with gluttony in the Bible.   Biblically speaking, sometimes fat people are gluttons and sometimes they are not.  It all depends on how fat they are as well as the reasons that they are fat.  But from a biblical perspective, it is also possible for a fit person to be a glutton as well.

This will be the first in a series of articles I will be doing on the errors of what I am calling “Fitism”.  Fitism is not a term that is original to me, however my use of the term for theological purposes is new (to the best of my knowledge).

Fitism as I am defining it for theological purposes, is the belief that part of being godly is being fit.  “Fitists” believe that God wants all people to have a strictly regimented diet and exercise program with the intended result of producing a toned body with a flat stomach.  Having any excess belly fat, as opposed to a flat stomach is “immoral” in the view of fitists.

William Spencer, of renofmen.com has a large following on Instagram (@renofmen) with traditional Christians.   Recently he wrote a post on Instagram entitled “Obesity, Christianity and Relationships Part 1”.  In this post Spencer wrote the following:

“The Bible doesn’t include specific guidance on physical fitness.  It talks about moral fitness and spiritual fitness, but apparently not physical fitness…

This poses a problem for those of us who care about these things. 

We know in our bones that fitness is moral.

  We also know in our bones that fatness is immoral.”

So, the synopsis of Spencer’s argument is “The Bible never tells Christians to have diet and exercise plans to have toned bodies and flat stomachs – but we fit people just known in our bones that being fit is moral and being fat is immoral.”

I have been meaning to write a series of posts on the Biblical view of health and fitness for a very long time.  And when I saw this post and that statement from William Spencer, it was like God was hanging a neon sign in front of me saying “Larry its time to write that series on a Biblical view of fitness and health”.

I originally did this series as a set of Instagram posts (my Instagram handle is @biblicalgenderroles).  This series for Biblicalgenderroles.com is mostly me porting that series back here with a little extra information in some places.

Not only will I be correcting the error of Spencer in his statements above with the Bible, but I will also in this series cover other arguments that fitists attempt to make in support of their false doctrine of fitism.

And finally, before we dive in deeper into this subject of fitism, I want to say one more thing.  I have friends, both on Instagram, this blog, Facebook and in person who are big time into fitness.  In the same way that I maintain that not all fat people are gluttons, I also believe that not all Christians who live a fit lifestyle are fitists.  But the sad truth is, many Christians who live a fit lifestyle are indeed fitists.

The Bible Actually Does Speak Directly to Fitness

A critical aspect of a fitness is having an exercise routine.  And the Bible speaks specifically to the relationship of bodily exercise to godliness in 1 Timothy 4:8 (KJV):

For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.”

The Bible makes a clear separation between bodily exercise, one of the two pillars of physical fitness, and godliness.  God could have said “bodily exercise is part of godliness, but it is not the whole of godliness” or something like that.  But God completely separates and divorces the concept of Christians having exercise routines from them being godly.

In other words, having an exercise routine is not a requirement of being a godly Christian.

But what about the second pillar of fitness which is diet.  Does the Bible require that Christians have a regimented diet?  The answer is no.

The Bible Does Not Require Christians to Have a Regimented Diet

While there certainly were many dietary restrictions in the Old Testament, the New Testament lifts all dietary restrictions. 

Jesus said the following in Matthew 15:11(KJV):

Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.”

And the Apostle Paul wrote the following in Romans 14:2-4(KJV):

“For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs. Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him. Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.”

The New Testament is clear in the above passages that we as Christians are not to judge one another based on our diets. 

One of the common things I have seen with fitists I have dealt with in traditional Christian circles is that not only do they believe being fit is a requirement of godliness, but they also believe that Christians must eat only organic and foods and nothing artificial or processed.  

Again, there is nothing wrong with a man choosing to have an organic diet for himself or his family.  But it becomes sin when he adds this to the commands of God.

Conclusion

The two pillars of physical fitness which are having a regimented diet and exercise routine – are never prescribed in the Bible.  In fact, as we have shown in the previous Scripture passages, the Bible completely separates godliness from physical exercise and it condemns Christians who judge others based on their diets.

In part two of this series on the false doctrine of fitism, I will cover the fitist argument that our bodies being the temple of God requires that we be fit.

Click here to go to the next part of this series

Modern Polygamy Dating Site

A new dating site, ModernPolygamy.com, recently launched in February of 2022. It is not solely focused on Christian polygamy nor does it promote a Biblical patriarchal view of marriage. However, it could still be useful for Christians who believe that God never ended his Old Testament allowance for polygamy in the New Testament.

An Overview of ModernPolygamy.com

What follows is the overview I was given from one of the founders of ModernPolygamy.com:

“My wife and I started the site because we had been looking for years and feeling like there were no sites where we felt like we really had a realistic possibility of finding what we hoped for. In the end, we decided that if we truly wanted what we said we wanted then we were going to have to make a site to allow that to happen….for us and a lot of other people that were in the same boat.

After feeling that way for years, we finally decided to go ahead in 2021 and spent the next 8 months on development as everything is 100% custom from the ground up, front end and back. We launched the site in February of 2022.

We do our best to run a tight ship. The idea has always been for it to be the site we would want to join. That guided the design and architecture behind the scenes and continues to guide how we run the site.

We are not solely focused on Christian polygamy, and welcome those that come to this decision for their life by whatever path, but the site will remain firmly family focused both because that is what best serves our members and because that is the type of site we would want to join.

Aside from this different starting point, some key points to know about the site are:

Replying to messages is free (you can do this with a free account)
We have a ~50% rejection rate for new profiles. Pictures and actually writing something half decent is required.
If you have a Premium Membership and then cancel, you will still be able to keep talking with those you have messaged previously.

Premium Member benefits are:

Being able to send initial messages.
Appearing at the top of the search results.
Appearing in the “Recently Online” section of each member’s home page.
Being able to upload an introduction video.

We take privacy very seriously. Profiles and images can not be accessed by search engines. Your profile images are also time sensitive and URL’s will become invalid after 5 minutes.

Cancelation takes 2 clicks and is instant (a link is at the bottom of the Edit Profile page). And in case you are wondering, since it seems to be a thing now with a competing site, we don’t use message bots or fake activity. It is what it is, good or bad. Hopefully good.”

The Biblical Position on Polygamy

Before I give my review of ModernPolygamy.com, I want to give my readers a brief primer on polygamy from a Biblical perspective.

But before we can go to the Scriptures, we need to first define some terms. 

Polygamy refers to the practice of a one person having more than one spouse.  Typically, there are two forms of polygamy, one is polygyny where a man has multiple wives and the other is polyandry where a woman has multiple husbands.

The difference between polygamy and polyamory is that polygamy is gender specific with a group of women each being married to the same man (polygyny) or a group of men with each being married to the same woman (polyandry).  With Polyamory, everyone in the household essentially has intimate relations or is married to every one else. It is not gender specific.  So, in a polyamorous situation, you could have 3 men and 4 women being sexually intimate with each other.

Now that we understand the terms – we can look at what the Bible says about polygamy and polyamory.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 11:9 (KJV) that “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man”.  The Bible also states the following in Romans 7:2-3 (KJV) about women in relation to marriage:

“For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”

In God’s design, woman was made for man, not man for woman.  And a woman can never be married to more than one man at time otherwise she is in violation of God’s law.  This makes polyandry (the practice of a woman having more than one husband) a perversion of God’s design for sex and marriage.

The Bible says the following in Romans 1:18-19 & 26-27 (KJV):

“For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;  Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them…

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:  And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.”

In the passage above, the Bible calls sex “the natural use of the woman”.  When men use other men for their sexual pleasure or women abandon their design to be used by men for sexual pleasure and instead give themselves to other women to be used in this way – they violate God’s design for sex. 

Even beyond the sexual element, God meant marriage to picture the relationship between himself and his people.  In the Old Testament God pictures himself as a husband to the nation of Israel and in the New Testament he pictures himself a husband to the church. 

In Isaiah 54:5 (KJV) God said the following to Israel:

“For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.”

And in Ephesians 5:23-24 (KJV) the Bible says:

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

The point here is clear.  This Scripture passages above make it clear that gay marriage and polyamory are both wicked perversions of God’s design for sex within marriage.

So, if polyandry, gay marriage and polyamory are all violations of God’s design for marriage, then what polygyny (a man having more than one wife)?

We will tackle that question next.

God’s Allowance, Regulation and Blessing of Polygamy in The Bible

The following facts based on the Scriptures shown below prove that not only did God allow and regulate polygamy, but that in fact he blessed the practice.

FACT #1 – God rewarded Leah with another child for giving her husband another wife (Genesis 30:18).  Some try to say she just thought God rewarded her but the Scripture does not EVER record God condemning her for this so we take the Scriptures at face value that God did indeed reward her for giving her maid to her husband as another wife.

FACT #2 – God expressly allows polygyny and set rules for its practice. (Exodus 21:10-11, Deuteronomy 21:15-17, Deuteronomy 25:5-7)

FACT #3 – God while allowing polygyny warns against Kings “multiplying wives” meaning they were not to horde wives as Solomon would later do. – (Deuteronomy 17:17)

FACT #4 – God tells tells David through his Prophet Nathan when he sinned and took another man’s wife (Bathsheba) that he had given David the wives of his master and would have given him more wives (II Samuel 12:8)

FACT #5 – Jehoiada the high priest gets TWO wives for the young king Joash (II Chronicles 24:2-3)

FACT #6 – God pictures himself as polygamist husband to Judah and Israel in (Ezekiel 23:1-5)

FACT #7 – God divorces his first wife which was Israel as nation (Jeremiah 3:8) and in his seeking of his second wife (the church) seeks to make his first wife Israel jealous (Romans 10:19) and one day his first wife Israel as a nation will also be restored in the New Kingdom of God.

Historically polygamy was the norm of the ancient world until the Romans passed laws eliminating the practice forcing those in their empire to adhere to their “romantic” view of marriage – meaning a man could only have one wife.  The truth is that Roman men still had multiple mistresses, they just could only have one legal wife.

For more a lot more detail on the subject of polygamy as well as answers to common Christian objections to the practice see my series on Biblical polygamy on Biblicalsexology.com

My point here is that while polyandry, gay marriage and polyamory are all wicked perversions of God’s design for sex and marriage, the Bible shows that God indeed allows and blesses men having marriages to multiple women.

A Word of Warning on Biblical Polygyny

Whenever I have taught on polygamy in the myriad of articles I wrote over the years or in my podcasts I always give this disclaimer.  Just because God created men with polygynous sexual natures and allows and blesses the practice of polygyny does not mean it is always wise for men to seek to pursue polygynous marriage.

The fact that our modern society has made it illegal and is morally opposed to it in most circles makes it very difficult to live this life.  For the most part it must be hidden from those around and this can create great stress on a man’s multiple marriages to multiple women.

It also involves much more responsibility for a man financially, emotionally and spiritually as he must spend time with each of his wives as well as all the children they will produce. 

The truth is there are few men in our modern area that are up to this task financially, emotionally and spiritually.

I myself have chosen to live the monogamous marriage lifestyle and not exercise my right as a Christian man to practice polygyny. 

But for the few Christian men who have the means and mind to be able to do this – that is where a dating site like ModernPolygamy.com may come in handy.

My thoughts on ModernPolygamy.com

ModernPolygamy.com looks like a well-designed dating site with many safe guards and protections for its users.   They also have many useful blog articles which talk about how polygamous relationships work.

But make no mistake ModernPolygamy.com is NOT a Christian site, so you won’t see them condemning polyamory, gay marriage other sexual perversions.  They also do not promote Biblical patriarchy – in fact from many of the articles I read they would seem to promote more of egalitarian marriage model and even in their view of polygynous polygamy the women having equal says in the marriage and actually “date” perspective sister wives both as a couple with their husband and by themselves.

This stands in stark contrast to the Biblical patriarchal view of marriage in which a man has the ultimate choice of if he will take on additional wives and who he will choose.  Yes, there are examples in the Bible of women encouraging their husbands to marry another woman (like Leah did with Jacob) – but this was not a restraint on the man’s ability to marry new wives.  It was just another optional way for him to have new wives.    In other words, under God’s design, a man does not have to involve in his first wife or any other wives in his choice to take on additional wives.

But if we look at ModernPolygamy.com like we would other secular dating sites like Match.com and Eharmony.com – realizing it is just another tool for finding perspective people for marriage while understanding they do not promote a Biblical view of marriage – then it can have value to us as Christians.

A Biblical Perspective on Tomassi vs Tate’s Red Pill

One of my followers going by the handle “verycuriousreader” wrote the following questions:

“Hey BGR, just curious if your thoughts on the red-pill have change with the evolution AWAY from Tomassi’s manifesto? Because of podcasts like Fresh N Fit, men like Andrew Tate, and even long-time speakers such as Rich Cooper; the narrative of the red-pill has changed largely from the Tomassi’s “men need game to get chicks, that’s all that matters.” Instead we now have a red-pill that aligns with the Tate brother’s principles of: Men MUST amass wealth to create power and influence in a 100% status driven society. Just curious if you had any evolving thoughts on it?”

What I have previously written about Rollo Tomassi’s particular flavor of Red Pill still applies to Andrew Tate’s flavor of Red Pill even if they are coming at it from different vantage points.  There is some truth in what Tomassi says about male and female “intersexual dynamics” and in Tate’s view on men working to achieve status and thereby attract high quality women.

It is absolutely true that men are judged, respected and desired by women primarily based on what they can do, what they have achieved and how much power they have in the business, entertainment or political realms.  While women are simply desired by men primarily based on their beauty – (what they are, not who they are).

However, the Bible shines a great light on all of this.   Just because a behavior is natural does not make it right before God.

I have said it many times on this blog, there is nothing wrong with the fact that the first thing men notice about women, the first thing that draws them to them, is their feminine beauty.  A man being drawn to a woman first by her beauty is the very design of God within him.  And that is why it is important for godly women to try and keep themselves as beautiful as a possible out of respect of God’s design in men to desire female beauty.

A man desiring a woman’s beauty images God’s desire for beauty as seen in Psalm 45:10-11 (KJV) which pictures Christ as king desiring the beauty of his bride, the church:

“Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father’s house;  So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.”

But the Bible also tells men they must look deeper at a woman than her superficial beauty, that they should look to see if a woman’s spirit on the inside is as beautiful as her outward body.  The Bible says in Proverbs 31:30 (KJV) “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised”. 

Proverbs 31:30 is not saying that beauty is meaningless as God has designed women to be beautiful for men and for men to desire the beauty of women.  But what God is saying is that a man should value a woman’s godly character, her submissiveness, her quietness, her meekness and her desire to serve God by serving her husband, her children and her home even more than he values her beauty.

Many men have throughout the years have tried Tomassi’s “game” short cuts without actually having any real accomplishments in life.  Maybe they even worked out and buffed themselves up a bit to add to their game, but besides that they have really done nothing with their lives.  And I would agree with those who say just gaming women and having sex with as many random women as possible would be a very empty and meaningless life.

But now let’s zoom in on Tate’s “Men MUST amass wealth to create power and influence” flavor of Red Pill. 

Yes, men absolutely are called to be workers and to be diligent in their life’s work.  The Bible says in Proverbs 10:4 (KJV) “He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich” and in Proverbs 22:29 (KJV) the Bible says “Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men”. 

But there are men who have done great things in this life for God, yet they really never had much for themselves and their families.  For example, George Mueller (1805-1898) helped over 10,000 orphans in his life time and is still remembered to this day.  Yet he and his family lived a very simple life.

And there are many men in ministry fields who have had little to offer women from a financial perspective, but these men were able to attract women who were seeking men based on their godly character and not these things that Tomassi or Tate talk about.

My point is that while there are some truths in Red Pill, both in Tomassi’s teachings and in Tate’s, they are still approaching male/female relationships from a naturalistic world view without the very important spiritual aspect of male/female relationships.

Both Tomassi and Tate miss the fact that if a woman is raised in a godly home, by a godly father and mother who practice Biblical patriarchy before her – that woman is not going to care about the things Tomassi and Tate say women are looking for.

If she is strong in her faith and knows the kind of man she is looking for – no man will be able to game such a woman.  And to this godly woman, all the money and power a man has will not matter.  What will matter to her is if a man has godly character and that he has a clear vision of his mission that God has given him. 

A man that sees his calling from God, whether it be in full time ministry or something in the secular world in business, politics or other areas.  A man who understands that God has given him a multifaceted mission to make his mark on the world outside his home, but also to make his mark in his home as a husband and father.  This is the kind of man that will be very attractive to a godly woman no matter what he looks like, how funny he is or how much money he has in the bank.

A Biblical Guide To Implementing Sexual Role Play In Christian Marriage

In this new 3 part series from BGRLearning.com I discuss why sexual role play is not only acceptable, but also beneficial in Christian marriage in addition to discussing Biblical boundaries on sexual role play as well as giving ideas husbands can try out with their wives.

In Part 1 of this series, I lay the Biblical foundation for sexual role play in marriage and show how it can strengthen a woman’s appreciation and respect for her husband’s masculine sexual nature which is very different from her own.

In Part 2 of this series, I give Biblically based boundaries for husbands when they are designing role play scenarios for themselves and their wives.

In Part 3 of this series, I give 9 Biblically based role playing scenario ideas for husbands which can lay the groundwork for unlimited variations on these scenarios to be enjoyed in Christian marriage.

Go to BGRLearning.com and subscribe today to listen to this series.

Why Women Should Eat The Fruit of Their Husband’s Apple Tree

In Song of Solomon 2:3 the Bible says “As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste”.  These euphemisms in Song of Solomon 2:3 refer to a woman performing fellatio (oral sex) on her husband.

The Bible refers to sex as “the natural use of the woman” in Romans 1:27.   And while many Christians throughout the centuries have claimed that fellatio is an “unnatural act” for a woman to do on her husband – both the Bible and biology show it not an unnatural act.  In fact, God has specially designed woman to reap direct health benefits as a result of performing oral sex on her husband.

In my latest podcast for BGRLearning.com, I not only explain from the Bible why God wants women to perform fellatio on their husbands, but I also explain the relational and biological benefits of this for women as well as detailed techniques for doing this (and yes there are many ways this can be done).

Whether you are engaged, a newlywed or have been married many years this podcast will help women to better understand the significance of fellatio in marriage and the benefits not only to their husbands, but to them as well.

And if you already perform oral sex on your husband, but your struggle with feelings of shame while doing it this podcast can help you with that as well.

Go to BGRLearning.com to listen to this podcast as well as hundreds of other podcasts on gender roles, courtship, marriage and sex in marriage.

Why Women Should Eat the Fruit of Their Husband’s Apple Tree – BGRLearning