Career Women Are Failures in the Sight of God

When I make the bold claim, which I will support with the Bible, that career women are a failures in the sight of God I am not talking about women who are forced to work to feed their families. I am not talking about the women who tried for years without success to find a husband and simply needed to support themselves. I am not talking about women whose husband’s became disabled, died or abandoned them. In other words, I am not talking about women who did not choose to have to have a career outside the home.

I am talking about women who planned on it from the time they were teenagers.

For these women their dream was their career. And they may or may not have wanted a husband and some kids to go on the side with that career. These are the women that are utter and colossal failures in the sight of their creator whether they realize it now or not. And one day they will stand before God ashamed of the fact that they did not fulfill the purpose for which he created them.

In Galatians 1:10 the Bible says “For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ”. This Biblical principle should be at the forefront of our minds as Christians each and every day in the decisions we make.

Recently a young woman calling herself Shary wrote me about her concerns about being seen as a failure in the eyes of her family:

“Can’t God use certain women through their careers for His will. For example I’m going to be a freshman college student starting this fall (with the intention of becoming a doctor) after taking a gap year to work. I feel conflicted because over the past several months I have been reading your blog and you write a lot that women should strive to be keepers at home. I would like to get married and have children, but at the same time I feel like I need to go to school or else I’ll just be a huge disappointment to my family. I don’t know if this is because I’ve been conditioned to think this way all my life or for some other reason, I just feel that if I don’t go to school and become a doctor I’d be a failure.”

My Response to Shary And Other Women Facing this Conflict

Shary, you asked if God can use women through their careers for “his will”? The last part of that question is the key to finding the answer to your question. So how do we know God’s will for women? For that we need to look to the Bible.

The Bible tells us for what purpose he created women in Genesis 2:18 when it states “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him”. So, we learn from Genesis 2 that God created woman as companion and helper suitable for man. The only way she could be suitable to be man’s life companion and helper was for her to have a human nature as he had. That is why God took the woman from the man.

But what kind of companion and helper did God intend for woman to be for man? Was she intended to be his equal partner and for both of them to do the same things and go and pursue their own missions?

The answer is found in Titus 2:4-5 where the Bible states “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed”.

God created woman not as an equal partner with man to have equal rights and to pursue a career outside the home as he does. But rather, the Scriptures are explicit on this that God intended for a woman’s life focus to be on serving the needs of her husband, her children and her home.

What About the Proverbs 31 Wife?

Some Christians who want to try and get around God’s explicit command for women to be keepers at home will attempt to skirt it by pointing to passages like Proverbs 31:16 which states “She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard”. They say “See – there is a career woman in the Bible! She is a land developer”.

As Bible believing Christians, we know that the Scriptures never contradict. So, we know that there is no conflict between the Bible saying in Titus 2:5 that women are to be keepers at home and Proverbs 31:16 showing a woman buying a piece of land and farming it for food. Those who say Proverbs 31 shows a career woman are reading something into the text that is not there and also ignoring the overall theme in the passage that the focus of her life is serving her husband and his home. Does it say she spends 50 or 60 hours a week buying and farming fields? No, it does not. It says she buys “a field”. Does it say she does not bring her children to help farm the field with her? No, it does not. Does it say she leaves her children with her maidens to watch them while she pursues her career in farming? Again, no it does not.

Those who read a career woman into Proverbs 31, a woman who spends upwards of 50 hours a week pouring her energy into things outside her home, are in error. They are ignoring not only the clear command of Titus 2:5 for women to be keepers at home, but also other parts of the same passage in Proverbs 31, like verse 27 which states “She looketh well to the ways of her household…”.

It is Impossible to be a Keeper at Home and a Keeper at a Career

It is impossible, utterly impossible, for a woman to be a keeper at home and at the same time spend 50 hours a week or more giving her energy to things outside her home.

Feminism sells women this lie. And sadly, even most of our modern churches today have bought this lie. They tell women they can spend 50 hours a week outside their home “following their dreams” while having a husband and kids on the side at home. What they don’t tell them is what really happens.

They don’t tell them about the anguish many of these women feel when they have to leave their young infants with others when they know an infant needs its mother. They don’t tell them about the anguish they will feel when their home is in utter disarray because they have such little energy to keep up with it. They don’t tell them about the fights they will have with their husband over who does what. They don’t tell them about when her career moves conflict with his career. And then after handling the job, the house and the kids many career women have little energy left for their husbands. And then marriages die.

Of course, there are the women who are “without natural affection” as 2 Timothy 3:3 alludes to. These women actually care more about themselves than their children or husbands. These are the women that murder their children by aborting them for the sake of their career ambitions. If these women do have children, they have absolutely no problem dropping off their crying infants with others to pursue their selfish ambitions. They have no problem donating the vast majority of their waking hours to endeavors outside their home and giving only the scraps left of their time to their children and their husbands.

And these women are a “success” in the view of our modern humanist and feminist culture.

Conclusion

So, we just described two types of women. The first group are women who after believing the lies of feminism later come to feel remorse for the decisions that they made. But now they are trapped because they have made their economic situation dependent on their income. Then we have the second group of more sinister women who lack natural affection and have absolutely no remorse for the impact that there career takes on their husbands, their children or their homes.

Are you one of these women that lacks natural affection? Could you drop your two-month-old infant off without it bothering you a bit? Could you see the stress your career places on your home, your children and your husband and be happy with giving them only the scraps left of your time and energy each day?

But there is something even more important to consider than just the impacts of a career on your future husband, children and home.

The Scriptures tell us in 1 Corinthians 11:9 “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man”.

The following statement I make to women who are not keepers at home by their own choice and design, and not because of circumstances outside of their control.

If you as a woman are not a keeper at home (and you have no desire to be so), if the majority of your time and energy are not spent supporting your husband in his career, meeting his needs sexual and otherwise, bearing his children, caring for his children and caring for the needs of his home then your life will be a failure in the sight of the one who created you.

So, are you as a woman more concerned with being seen as a failure in the eyes of our humanist culture, your parents and friends or are you more concerned with being a failure in the eyes of God?

The last subject I want to briefly touch on is celibacy.

God’s rule for men and women is marriage and having children. His exception his celibacy. And God only calls us to celibacy “that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction” (I Corinthians 7:35). Celibacy is to be used for service to the kingdom of God, not for selfish ambitions or to avoid the risks or responsibilities of marriage and having children.

So, could a woman decide to dedicate her life to God by helping on mission fields or by being a doctor, a nurse, a school teacher or other such profession? Yes. But she needs to make sure that she is doing this for the right reasons.

See these two articles I previously wrote for more these subjects:

For what reasons does God allow celibacy?

Why does God make some women with a genius level IQ if he wants all women to be homemakers?

The Greatest Loss Is Not Human Lives From the Corona Virus

I can tell you almost first hand that the Corona virus is real.  My son works in a major Detroit Hospital and he has seen the body bags being loaded into cooling trucks.  Yes, the Corona virus is killing people. In one of the highest death toll days the Corona virus killed over 2000 people in the United States.  But what we have lost as Western civilization is far greater than the lives lost in this current Corona virus crisis.   What we have lost as Western Civilization is something we began losing long before the emergence of COVID-19.    We have lost perspective.  And as a result of losing perspective we have lost many God given freedoms in the process.

As I just said, on one of our worst days in the United States we lost over 2000 people to the Corona virus.  But are most Americans aware that around 8000 people died every day in the United States from all kinds of causes before the Corona virus?  And they continued dying from these other causes during this Corona virus crisis?

Worldwide, each year, over 2 million people die from work related accidents. Roughly 1 million people die in car accidents.  Around 500,000 are murdered.  Between 300,000 to 600,000 people die each year from flu related symptoms. And to date, about 228,000 people worldwide have died from symptoms brought on by the Corona virus.

Each day when we go to our jobs, we risk being killed in a car accident or even being killed on the job. Whenever we go out shopping or about our daily routine we risk being murdered.  When we get our lunch or dinner at a restaurant, we risk dying from food poisoning.

And yes it is the job of civil government to try and reduce or mitigate the loss of the lives of its citizens from things like car accidents, murder, work place accidents and viruses.   That is why we have stop lights, speed limits, local police forces, safety inspectors and federal agencies like the National Health Institute and Centers for Disease Control.

But here is the truth of the matter.   It is the job of civil government to look at things logically and rationally.  Not emotionally.  And throughout the Western world our governments have failed us in this regard.  They told us they were handling the Corona virus from a logical, scientific and “numbers driven” perspective.  But this was all a cover for how they were really handling this crisis.  They were looking at this from an emotional perspective and a political perspective rather than a rational and logical perspective.

Cheryl K. Chumley, wrote an article a couple days ago for the Washington Times where she called out what many have been thinking around this country and around the world.  In her article “Coronavirus hype biggest political hoax in history”:

“The new coronavirus is real.

The response to the coronavirus is hyped. And in time, this hype will be revealed as politically hoaxed.

In fact, COVID-19 will go down as one of the political world’s biggest, most shamefully overblown, overhyped, overly and irrationally inflated and outright deceptively flawed responses to a health matter in American history, one that was carried largely on the lips of medical professionals who have no business running a national economy or government.”

The Emotional Perspective Is the Feminine Perspective

The Bible says in Isaiah 3:12 “As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths”.  When I said earlier that many world governments have reacted to the Corona Virus from an emotional perspective what I was really talking about is the feminine perspective.

From the beginning of the outbreak of this virus, even the worst models showed this virus would not be one that would wipe out 50 percent of the world.  It would not even wipe out 20 percent.  If the projections were that high shutting down the world economy to try and mitigate the deaths would have been justified.  But the absolute worst-case estimates were around 3 percent.

The logical and rational response would be for governments to warn higher risk populations to self-isolate and then prepare the people for a temporary spike in deaths from the new virus.  Instead our governments reacted emotionally and in a feminine manner and shut down our economies, forcing low risk people (then vast majority) to stay in their homes to try and further mitigate this otherwise normal loss of life.  And yes, deaths from COVID 19 this year will turn out to be normal or even below normal in the grand perspective of human history when compared to many other viruses that mankind has had to contend with.

Joseph Curl just wrote an article for the Washington Times entitled “COVID-19 turning out to be huge hoax perpetrated by media”.   In it he stated the following sobering facts:

“When the postmortem is done on the media’s coverage of COVID-19 (and it will be), it will be clear that the virus was no Black Plague — it’s not even the flu on a bad year.

SARS-CoV-2, which causes COVID-19, has killed 56,749 Americans as of Tuesday.

That’s not good. But it’s not as bad as the 2017-2018 flu season, when 80,000 -plus perished. And it’s a long cry from what all the experts were warning about just a few weeks ago: First, they predicted 1.7 million Americans dead; then they redid the models (this time apparently entering a few more “facts”) and said 100,000-240,000 dead…

And for that we shut down the U.S. economy?!”

Conclusion

I can’t tell you how many leftists and humanists I saw on Facebook and on the news saying “The economy is not more important than human lives”.   But these same leftists have no problem with 56 million human lives worldwide being sacrificed each year for the “economic empowerment of women” when women have abortions.   Do you get the irony in that?

I have seen some leftists and feminists attack pro-life conservatives saying “Look at these conservative pro-lifers willing to sacrifice human lives for the economy.  I guess they are not so pro-life after all.”  But this is a horribly faulty comparison.  Comparing COVID 19 deaths to deaths caused by abortion is like comparing normal flu deaths each year to those caused by murder. And that is exactly what abortion is – it is murder. If you die from getting a virus that is a natural cause of death.  If you die from a doctor tearing you apart with medical instruments that is not a natural cause of death. That is murder.

Foolish humanists have said to those protesting the loss of their freedoms in the COVID 19 hype that they are fighting for “the freedom to give and receive the Corona virus”.   So could we as conservative Christians say humanists are fighting for “the freedom to give and receive STDs which can be fatal” when they fight for the freedom of people to engage in casual sex outside of marriage?

The leftists and humanists want us to wear masks and practice social distancing to go buy milk.   But in the coming months they will continue to fight for the right of two strangers to meet at a bar (with masks on of course) and then go home, take off their masks, get naked and engage in casual sex.  The irony and foolishness of their positions are completely lost on them.

Another utterly foolish thing lefttists and Christian humanists fail to realize is that economic collapses can kill people just as much as viruses can.  Think of all the people who did not get routine or elective scans and procedures done during this time that might have found cancers or potential cardiac issues?  I am sure in the next year we will find out that us being so focused only on COVID 19 actually allowed many people to die from all kinds of other medical conditions that might have been caught if the health care system was not on lockdown.

And when lock downs like this occur for too long a period in some nations the economic collapse can lead to a societal collapse where many people die from looting and other problems.  So yes, economic collapses can kill people just as much or even more so than viruses can.

And that is why Government officials cannot just listen to one side of the equation.  They cannot just let Doctors who are solely focused on mitigating and reducing deaths from COVID 19 call all the shots.  They have to take advice from economists and other experts.  And they need to have people from all sides of the debate helping to make informed, logical and rational decisions.

Will it be someone risky to just let the public of all these locked down nations out to go about their normal lives? Yes.  Will there possibly be some more spikes in deaths as a result? Yes.  But risk is necessary for success.  Many great men have risked their lives and fortunes to build businesses and make scientific breakthroughs.  Our founding fathers risked their lives and fortunes to build this country.

But the feminine perspective is not only emotional, it is risk averse.  That is why we now have warning labels on everything.  That is why it is so hard to get new medications out.  And it is this feminine perspective that has come to dominate our culture over the past half century.

Leftists and humanists don’t want to have a real debate about the Corona Virus any more than they want to have a debate about climate change.  YouTube and Facebook are censoring Doctors right now who disagree with the lockdown and believe we have to let people out to build the herd immunity and get this over with.  One example of this censorship is the case of Dr. Dan Erickson and Dr. Artin Massihi.  They posted a video last week on you tube that went viral explaining why the lockdown is bad and we need to let people out and build up the herd immunity.   If you go to that link here you will find YouTube marked it as “violating community standards”.  This was simply two doctors giving their own medical opinions on how to handle the COVID 19 virus.    You can find some of their comments in this local new article.

And yes, more lives will be lost in the process, but this is the natural way that human civilization has always dealt with diseases and viruses.

As I said at the beginning of this article, we have as Western civilization lost something must greater than human lives from natural causes like COVID 19.  We have lost perspective.  We have lost perspective of history.  We have lost the masculine perspective and given dominance to the feminine perspective.  And most importantly we have lost an eternal perspective.

Every person must come to this realization at some point in their life.  Death is a part of life.  In Hebrews 9:27 the Bible says “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment”.

And this judgement is described in great detail in Revelation 20:11-15:

“And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them.  

And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works.

And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death.

And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.”

The humanist clings to their life in the here and now because they believe this is all there is.  But as Christians we know that this life is only the beginning our eternal life.  And it is the decisions we make in this life that determine how we will live for the rest of eternity.  The ever so slight possibility of dying from COVID 19, another flu bug, a car accident or an accident at work is nothing compared to the absolute certainty that we will be tormented for eternity in the lake of fire if we have not placed our faith and trust in Christ as our Lord and Savior.

Are You a “What about him?” Woman?

In the Gospel of John there is an incident where John is leaning on Christ’s chest as Jesus tells his disciples about the future.  In John 21:21-22, we read “Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?  Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.

What was Jesus saying to Peter? He was saying “Don’t be concerned about what I have for him to do in his life, only be concerned about what I have for you to do in your life”.

Is your knee jerk reaction as a Christian woman, when you hear tough Biblical teaching toward women, “What about him?” Or more specifically “What about the men?” This mindset comes not from God, but rather the feminist and humanist culture you have been brought up in.  And more often than not, this response is a cover for your own conviction of sin as a woman. You feel that conviction and want to deflect as quickly as possible to the men.

If this is your reaction as a woman, you have a major spiritual defect in your thinking.    The Bible commands us as Christians And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God in Romans 12:2.

Don’t worry about the men.  Leave the men to other men and to God.  Only be concerned about what God has for you to do in this life as a woman.

God has given men and women different roles to play in this life and thus different races to run.  And one of the critical differences between the roles of men and women is that God has given men spiritual oversight and responsibility for the women in their lives.  So, men must be concerned not only with how they fulfill the role God has given them as men, but they must also be concerned with the instruction and discipline of women under their spiritual authority as well.

This same thing cannot be said for women.  Women should only be concerned with the role God has given them as women and leave the men to other men and ultimately to God.   Heed Christ’s words to Peter “what is that to thee? follow thou me.

Why Compromise in Marriage is Sacred in Humanism and Sinful in the Bible

If you study the Bible and look at Biblical principles of marriage there is one word that is noticeably absent regarding how to have unity in marriage.   And that word is compromise.

In humanism, compromise is a sacred tenet of any relationship, especially in marriage.   The reason it is sacred is because of humanism’s beliefs in individualism and equality.  For individualism and equality to flourish, compromises must constantly be made.  A marriage where one person calls all the shots on moral issues and big decisions of the family is considered “toxic” in the humanist view. This is because they believe marriage is an equal partnership.

But the Bible presents a very different view of marriage.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives”

1 Peter 3:1 (KJV)

The Bible shows in the passage above from 1 Peter 3:1 that God did not design marriage as a partnership, but rather as a patriarchy.  And in the passage below from Ephesians 5:23 we can see that not only is marriage a patriarchy, but it was intended by God to be a direct reflection of the relationship between Christ and his church.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Ephesians 5:23 (KJV)

So the question is does Christ compromise with his church on his will, his plans and his moral decisions? The answer is absolutely not.  And neither should husband’s compromise with their wives in these areas.

The first recorded sin of a male human being, Adam, was when he compromised his moral beliefs and listen to wife.

 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life”

Genesis 3:17 (KJV)

Adam’s compromise of his morality to please his wife brought sin into the world.  Job shows us what Adam should have done when his wife asked him to compromise his morality:

Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.  But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.”

Job 2:9-10 (KJV)

When a man compromises his moral beliefs to please his wife he breaks the picture of Christ and his church and he exposes his family to possible consequences of that decision.

Now don’t get me wrong – when it comes to things that have nothing to do with morality compromise in marriage is a good thing.  Like when we choose where we go to dinner that is not necessarily a moral decision.  How much is spent on dinner is a moral decision, but whether we have a hamburger or pizza is not.

But I think in most cases what we call compromise on these non moral things is just us being selfless and putting the other person first and that is a good thing.

But when it comes to moral decisions, including financial decisions, career decisions, what church is attended, religious beliefs, discipline and teaching of the children, decisions about sex and other things like this there can be no compromise. A husband is always called by God to do what is he believes is right before God.

My Husband Has Left the Faith, What Should I do?

How should a Christian wife handle it when her husband abandons his Christian faith? How should she deal with her children in regard to their father? Recently one of my regular commenters, a woman who goes by the handle livinginblurredlines, wrote the following about her husband who once professed faith in Christ:

“hubby has decided to become a philosophical Odinist….meaning he doesn’t believe Odin and all the other Norse gods actually exist, but that there is an All-Father that encompasses all faiths that believe in a high deity, and he follows modern Odinism philosophies that embrace strength of self, traditional families, helping your fellow, and nationalism. So, he has no desire to find or attend a church, anymore. So, what shall I do concerning this and our children? When I married him 20 years ago I never thought I’d be faced with this issue!”

What follows are answers to several important questions that Christian wives who find themselves in this situation may be asking.

Can I leave My Unbelieving Husband?

The answer to this question is found in 1 Corinthians 7:13-16:
“And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?”

So, as you can see from the Scripture above, if your unbelieving husband wants to stay in the marriage with you, God wants you to stay with him. And the Bible tells us that in staying with him, you may actually win him to Christ.

Regarding the case of a woman whose husband has left the faith he once professed. We must realize that a true believer can never leave the faith as they are kept by the power of God. In 1 John 2:19 we read the following of those who made professions of faith and then abandoned them:
“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.”

So, in this way as a Christian wife, you must forget your husband’s past participation in church or other Christian activities. Do not dwell on it. Wipe the slate clean in your mind and deal with him as you would someone who has never dawned the doorstep of a church.

Does God Still Want to Me to Submit to My Unbelieving Husband?

The answer to this question is found in 1 Peter 3:1-2:
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”

So, the answer to this question is yes, God absolutely wants you as a Christian wife to submit to your husband who is disobedient to the Word. You win a husband, whether he be an unbelieving husband or a Christian husband who has some areas where he is disobedient to God in some way. You win him without a word, without preaching at him, nagging at him or complaining at him. You win him with your actions and your life before him. You win him with your submission, your pure life and your reverent attitude toward him.

My mother is a living example of 1 Peter 3:1-2. My mother became a Christian while married to my father. She completely changed her ways toward him. She submitted to him, lived a different life in front of him and reverenced him. And these actions by my mother brought him to Christ and this enabled me to be raised by both a Christian father and a Christian mother. My father would go on to study the Word of God and become my mother’s teacher. This can work ladies!

Can I still teach my Children the Gospel?

In Acts 5:26-29 we read the following story about the Apostles:
“Then went the captain with the officers, and brought them without violence: for they feared the people, lest they should have been stoned. And when they had brought them, they set them before the council: and the high priest asked them, Saying, Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name? and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man’s blood upon us. Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.”

We can see from the story above that even if your husband forbids you from teaching your children the Gospel you can and should still do that. I would suggest you do this in private settings with your children. But you can show them you love and respect their father, but that this is something that goes beyond your relationship with their father and that having a relationship with God is the most important relationship we can have in this life.

What If My Husband Forbids Me from Taking the Kids to Church?

If your husband forbids you from going to church, you can privately seek the teaching of God. While he is at work, watch sermons from Bible teachers online. And you should privately read your Bible and pray. Let your children watch Bible teaching when Dad is not around. Have them watch Christian movies and shows that teach them about God.

But Isn’t It Wrong to Keep Secrets From My Husband?

A tenant of humanism is “complete transparency in any relationship”. No secrets. None at all. But this is not how God sees things. God keeps secrets from us, and sometimes it is necessary for us to keep secrets from each other.

In Proverbs 28:13 the Bible says He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy”. But then in Proverbs 27:12 we read “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished”.

And then in Matthew 6:1-6 Jesus made the follow statements:
“Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.
And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.”

Jesus reveals that it is not wrong to do good things in secret. Whether it is doing good for others or even good in obedience to God. It is only wrong to do evil things in secret or to try and cover something that is a sin against God.

Conclusion

The humanist atheist and the humanist Christian would both find the advice given here to be absurd because they hold individualism as the highest ideal. Nothing is more important than each individual being able to live their lives out in the open, exactly as they want to live it (as long as that life style does not violate humanist principles in any way of course).

Humanists love the word “transparency” and regularly apply it to relationships. They don’t like secrets. Whether it is the government keeping secrets from its citizens, husbands keeping secrets from wives or wives keeping secrets from husbands.

Of course, humanists always have some exceptions to their rules. For instance, humanists have no problem with women not being transparent with their husbands about murdering their unborn children. But I digress.

So, the humanist would say “If the husband and wife cannot find a way to openly live out their beliefs with one another and tolerate their differences then they should just divorce. But by no means should the wife have to live a secret life as a Christian or keep these kinds of secrets from her husband”.

But for us a Biblicist Christians, we know that there are more important things than our individual wishes and desires. We know that the institution of marriage is more important than the individual happiness of either the husband or wife. We know that marriage is based on a covenant, not total transparency. And we know that we can also find joy in the midst of less than ideal circumstances.

In Matthew 6:1-6, Jesus tells us that being totally transparent in regard to our thoughts or actions is not always the best thing. In fact, he tells us that doing good things toward God, for God or for others in secret can be virtuous. And in Proverbs 27:12 we read that it is “prudent” to sometimes hide ourselves or our actions.

It is utterly disappointing for any Christian wife to hear from her husband that he has left the faith and he is not the believer she thought he was. But God can still greatly use such a Christian wife in the life of her unbelieving husband. And she can still have a vibrant personal faith and have an impact for Christ on her children and on others.

God tells Christian wives in 1 Corinthians 7:13-16 that they must remain with their unbelieving husbands if the husband is willing to stay.

And yes, it will be more challenging in the area of submission. But God makes it clear in 1 Peter 3:1-2 that wives still have to obey unbelieving husbands and he says that wives may win their husbands by their submission, pure lives and reverent behavior.

Christian wives who find themselves married to unbelieving husbands may have to practice their faith in secret. But Jesus shows us in Matthew 6:1-6 that not only is it not a sin to do good toward God and others in secret, but that such actions can be virtuous.

Some Christian wives abuse the Acts 5:29 principle that “We ought to obey God rather man” in order to openly defy their husbands at every turn. But as a Christian wife married to an unbelieving husband, you should make every effort to not have to openly defy your husband.

Wives Forget Your Father’s House

While the Bible tells men to “leave” their father and mother when they enter marriage it uses a different word for women when they enter marriage.  In Psalm 45:10-11 we read “Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father’s house; so shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him”.

Psalm 45:10-11 is widely recognized as a prophecy concerning Christ and his church.  But it is also very practical and applicable to marriage between men and women.  Ephesians 5:23 tells us “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

I can’t tell you how many times I have had haters of the Bible’s teachings on gender roles say “You think men are gods and that is wrong!”.   Each time I hear a variation of that statement I chuckle a bit to myself and remember 1 Corinthians 2:14 which states “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned”.

The Bible does not teach that men are gods.  There is only one God.  Men are not God, but God did create men to represent him in this world.  This is the clear teaching of the Bible found in passages like Ephesians 5:22-33 and 1 Corinthians 11:1-16. So, when we understand this concept as Christians, we understand that women are not to worship their husbands or regard their husbands as their savior.  We have one God and one savior whose name is Jesus Christ.

But after we set aside the last part from Psalm 45:10-11 concerning worship, what comes before that is very applicable to women in marriage.

The call to the young woman to regard her new husband as her lord is mirrored in 1 Peter 3:5-6 where the Bible states “For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement”.

Now we can zero on what is different in the call to women when they enter marriage.  While men, in multiple Bible passages like Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7 and Ephesians 5:31, are commanded to “leave” their father and mother when they enter marriage women are told in Psalm 45:10-11 to “forget” their people and their father’s house.

A woman’s forgetting of her father’s house is a critical part of the process of her becoming one with her husband.  Her father may have taught her differently and conducted his home differently than the way her husband will conduct his home.  And if she clings to the way her father conducted his home and constantly compares that to her how her husband leads his home there will be problems in the marriage.

How many women today refuse to follow this Scriptural admonition to forget their father’s house? How many women today even refuse to give up their father’s last name or hyphenate their last name? How many women respect their fathers more than their husbands?  A woman who refuses to forget her father’s house, to clear the slate and let her husband redefine for her how their home will be conducted will never have the kind of unity in marriage that God calls for.

A final note to fathers.  As Christian fathers, we should want our daughters to marry godly men and it is our God given right according to Exodus 22:17, to “utterly refuse to give” our daughters in marriage to men whom we do not approve of.   But our culture no longer respects the rights of fathers and has given young women freedom to ignore the spiritual authority of their fathers in this regard.   This is why it is so important for us as Christian fathers in this post-feminist culture to cultivate close spiritual relationships with our daughters to the point that they would never want to disappoint us.

My daughter is within 2 years of the time we have agreed she will begin courting, not long after she graduates high school.  I am excited to see what God will do in her life.  She is not perfect and has her flaws like we all do, but I am happy that God has blessed her with a meek and submissive spirit when it comes to the men in her life whether it be me or her grandfathers.  But when it comes to other women, she is a warrior for God and stands on the front lines fighting against abortion and feminism.

I would never bless her marriage to a man who was not a Christian, a Biblicist and a firm believer in Biblical gender roles. However, I realize the man she marries may have many differences with me outside of these areas.  And I have told her as much throughout the years.  I have told her when she marries, she needs to forget my interpretations and applications of the Bible and how I conducted our house and instead fully embrace her husband’s leading in these areas.

3 Ways Wives Try to Control Their Husbands

Sexual denial, threats of divorce and threats of suicide. These are the three primary ways that wives use to manipulate and gain complete power over their husbands and their homes.  The first way which works with the majority of men is sexual denial.  Women use sex as a reward system.  If the husband follows his wife’s wishes in whatever she wants to do in the home she will give him sex as a reward for his submission to her.  At the slightest resistance of the husband to anything the wife wishes, she will turn off the sexual tap.

But for some men, the attempts of their wives to manipulate them with sex does not work.  But rather it reinforces their resolve with their wives.  These men might even engage in disciplinary tactics like taking away credit cards, access to the bank or canceling date nights or other things the wife wants.  So, then the wife moves on to her next method of control.  The threat of divorce. And for many women, it is not just a threat, but indeed it is a promise.

And this willingness of women to so easily divorce their husbands because of their own selfish ambitions should not surprise us.  Millions of women each year murder their unborn children because of their selfish ambitions.    And it is with this same self-centered attitude, that millions of women each year subject their children to disunity, fighting and ultimately the divorce of their parents.   These women only care about one person and one person alone – themselves.

But some women are unwilling to deal with the prospect of their husband marrying another woman or having to share joint custody with him where his new wife raises their children.  They want their husband; they want their children and they also want to retain their power over the decisions of the family.  So, after sexual denial and threats of divorce don’t work to bring their husbands into submission to their will, they turn to the ultimate weapon.  They threaten suicide.

Recently I received an email from a man calling himself Alex.  Alex has gone through all three of these attempts at manipulation that wives use to take power in their homes and bring their husbands into subjection.  Below are excerpts from that email.

Alex’s Story

My wife recently threatened that she may commit suicide if I do not back down from exercising my spiritual authority over her as her husband.  This was her last-ditch effort to get me to retreat.  And that is exactly what I did – I retreated.

I met my wife in a good Bible believing and Bible preaching church.  My church is actually one of those five percent of churches you talk about that still preach gender roles and male headship.  My wife is a stay at home mom who homeschools our children while I am the sole provider for our home.

We have been married about 10 years now.  When we were dating my wife seemed to be a good, submissive and Christian woman.  But after we married her true nature began to reveal itself.  Her stubbornness and her unwillingness to listen to me on even the smallest matters was evident.  And if I mounted even the slightest challenge to what she wanted to do in our home she would deny me sex and that combined with a very cold shoulder for days would get me to bend and apologize to her every time.

In order to maintain the peace in our home and have any chance at sex I completely caved.  I never confronted her about anything anymore.  What she wanted to spend we spent.  What she wanted to teach the kids we taught them.  What she allowed them to do or not do that is what we did.

About 2 months ago, after my Pastor taught a series on the duty of husbands to lead their homes and properly exercise their spiritual authority over their wives God convicted me in my heart that I had been a coward all these years.  I had been a coward for the sake of peace and for the sake of sex.

I came and had a private meeting with my Pastor.   I described what had been going on in my marriage for years.  He told me I was involved in a spiritual battle.  And I need to take back the spiritual leadership in my home and challenge my wife’s sinful rebellion and stubbornness.

So, I implemented his advice.  I opened a new bank account and changed my paycheck to deposit into that new account.  I called all of our credit cards of which I am the primary and she is only secondary and had her name removed from the accounts.  I reported all our cards missing so her cards would be useless.  I shredded my cards and ordered new ones.

She went to use one our credit cards to purchase something online as she does often and it was declined.  She called the credit card company and they told her she was no longer active on the account and then I was the next phone call she made.  I told her we would talk when I got home.

When I got home from work that evening, I sat her down and explained what I was doing and why I was doing it.  That it was because she was in complete rebellion against my spiritual authority as the head of our home.  That she spent money she should not spend.  That she did not listen to me regarding the teaching and discipline of our children.  That she denied her body to me in our marriage bed.

Then she threatened divorce. 

My pastor had prepared me for that threat.  I told her “Go ahead.  If you want to see me married to another woman and raising your children with her and only seeing them every other week go for it.  Because trust me, I will mortgage this house and burn through every savings and investment we have to make sure I get full joint custody of our kids with equal parenting time.”  She stormed out without saying another word.

Days went by and then it turned into weeks.  We basically were in a cold war footing.  I did my thing and she did hers.  I slept in our bed and she slept in our guest room.  Barely any words were spoken except those which were absolutely necessary.

Finally, when sexual denial and threats of divorce did not work, she moved to her final weapon against me which was threats of suicide.  She claimed she would rather die than witness her children being raised by another woman and she would rather die than live under my “tyrannical rule”.  My Pastor had not prepared me for that. And that weapon worked.  I caved.  I retreated.  I gave her back access to our bank and credit cards and ultimately the reigns of our home.

Was my pastor’s advice wrong? It did not seem to work.  If it was not wrong, how do I deal with her threats of suicide?  Can I really start this battle all over again?  Is it worth her possibly losing her life?”

What follows is my response to Alex and other men on how to deal with these kinds of manipulation tactics from wives who resist the authority which God gives to their husbands and commands them to exercise over their wives.

How to Deal with Your Wife Using Suicide as a Weapon to Keep or Seize Power

I agree with your Pastor that you need to break her will, or I would say more accurately, break the stubborn spirit your wife has. But at the same time, you need to speak truth into her life.  Your attempts at exercising your spiritual headship over her in these areas where you see problems is not an act of tyranny.

Today our humanist dominated culture defines tyranny in marriage as a husband trying to exercise any control whatsoever over his wife . But Biblically speaking, tyranny is the cruel, unreasonable, or arbitrary use of power or control, not control itself.

A man exercising control over his wife is one of the greatest sins to a humanist, whether they be a Christian humanist or an atheist humanist.  While a woman exercising control over a man is seen more as a minor transgression in the world of humanism.

For us as Biblicist Christians, a man exercising control over his wife is one of the greatest virtues a man can exhibit in his life.  And likewise a man who allows his woman to “usurp authority” (1 Timothy 2:12) over him sins against God and denies part of the core purpose for which he was created, which was to image God with his life.

A man who does not exercise control over his wife is not a man in God’s eyes.  God created woman to be in subjection to man, to be controlled by man.  He created her to give man someone upon whom he could exercise all the attributes of God that are within his masculine human nature.

So, no this not about you as a husband acting in a tyrannical manner toward your wife.  It is about doing what God has commanded you to do. And it is all about framing the narrative, that is so important.   Constantly refocusing her thoughts and redirecting them toward a proper perspective.

Now to your wife’s threat of suicide.

Make no mistake that is what is going on.  It is a power struggle. And it is not just a power struggle, but it is a spiritual war going on your family.

The Bible says the following in Ephesians 6:12-18:

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.  Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.  Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;  And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;  Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:  Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints”

You need to realize that the real battle you are in is not with your wife, but with the sin that is in your wife’s heart.  Satan is using your wife as an instrument of sin and spiritual oppression against you.  He is using your wife as an instrument to launch his fiery darts at you.

Being firm is not being harsh.  It is being firm.  Being harsh is being cruel.  Sometimes when as men we are firm with our wives it may appear that we are being harsh and they may try and frame it that way saying things like “Why do you have to be so mean and so harsh?” but again that is just the wife trying to twist the narrative.  Remember having the right perspective and constantly re-framing the narrative for both yourself and your wife is critical.

The Bible commands men to be firm when it states in 1 Corinthians 16:13 (NASB) “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong”.  There is a spiritual war going on in your home and this was simply one battle in that war.  You fired the first salvos to begin to wage war on your wife’s lack of submissiveness and her spirit of stubbornness.  She first tried firing the divorce darts at you.  It did not work as you were prepared for that.  So  she opened fire with threats of suicide.  You were not prepared for that and you buckled under her fire and retreated.  You lost your resolve and you are no longer standing firm in the faith, acting like a man and being strong in the face of your wife’s threats and rebellion.

So, the question is will you continue to give way to fear? Will you allow her to continue to manipulate you with fears of suicide or divorce?  Or will you reorganize and get back into this spiritual warfare God has called you to?

Jesus talked about the cost of following him and the cost of obedience to God.  He asked in Luke 14:31 “Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand?”  You must know and fully accept the consequences of waging spiritual warfare in obedience to God.  You must be fully prepared for the onslaught of threats or even the consequences of if your wife carries through with those threats and you must have firm resolve in the face of those threats.

So here is my advice for dealing with your wife’s threats of suicide whenever you attempt to exercise your God given and God commanded authority over her.   You do the same thing as if she had a true mental health disorder and had suicidal tendencies.   You take her to the ER of a hospital in your area where they have a mental ward.  You explain to the nurses that your wife is threatening suicide.

I know of many Christian husbands who have done this with great success. And there is one particular instance that comes to mind that I think will give encouragement to men who find themselves with these kinds of manipulative wives.

I heard this story from a pastor friend of mine. A member of his church took his wife to the local ER after she threatened to commit suicide if he would not surrender to her wishes in the home.   She wanted an egalitarian marriage and he would not give it to her.  He told her they were going to have a patriarchal marriage or no marriage at all.  He showed her the door and said she was free to leave at any time.   At this point she threatened suicide if he would not bow to her wishes and this was when he took her to the ER.  And he made sure the hospital he took her too had a mental ward.

His wife told him how she was going to tell the ER people how horrible of a husband he was.  So, when he got to the ER, she did just that.  She railed on and on to the nurses about horrible of a husband he was.  Then they asked him to leave the room.  This was probably the time they asked her if she was being physically abused by him or if she felt trapped in her home.  Eventually they had a psychiatrist come down from the mental ward of that hospital who interviewed her and then recommend that she be committed.  He even persuaded the wife it would be good for her and she agreed and signed the papers.  He said it would be for just one week.

So, the husband gets a call in the middle of the week to come down for session with the psychiatrist and his wife.  He went over all the discussions he had with his wife.   The psychiatrist told the husband all of his wife’s concerns and asked him if he would be willing to go to marriage counseling and modify their marriage so it would be more pleasing for his wife.  The husband gave the psychiatrist a flat answer of “NO”.  He was unwilling to see any counselor.  His beliefs as to how marriage was to be conducted were firmly based upon his Biblical beliefs and would not change.

The psychiatrist asked him if he was holding her at home against her will or if he had ever physically abused her. The husband’s response was “No sir.  Never laid a finger on her. I have told my wife she is free to leave our home and our marriage at any time.  But if she wants to stay, I will not change my beliefs on how marriage is to be conducted”.

At this point the psychiatrist turned to his wife and said the following.  “You have told me in our private sessions that your husband has never raised a hand to you.  That he has never made you feel trapped in your home.  You just want him to change right?” And her answer was “Yes.”  At this point the psychiatrist turned to the wife and said “You and your husband are clearly incompatible.   He will not change and neither will you.  It is unhealthy for you to continue in this relationship if you cannot agree to a common framework of marriage.  But threats of suicide are never the answer.  Divorce may be an answer, but suicide is not.”

His wife was released from the mental ward a few days later.  She hated being in that mental ward.  And she never threatened suicide again.  So, when his wife saw that threats of sexual denial, divorce and suicide did not work she eventually came to an acceptance of her husband and the way he conducted their marriage.  She did not always agree and still gave him much grief at times.  But she realized her husband was a man who was immune to her tactics of manipulation.

Conclusion

If you are a husband dealing with a situation like this with your wife you need to think on and answer the following questions for yourself.

Are you willing to see that you retreated from a spiritual battle with your wife, but also that the war is not over with? You can reorganize, you can steel your resolve and you can disarm her tactics of trying to manipulate you through fear.

Will you put on the whole armor of God? Will you realize that what you are fighting for is righteous in the sight of God and your wife’s resistance to your authority is an act of sinful rebellion against God?

Will you take the shield of faith and hold it up when she fires darts at you like threats of sexual denial, divorce or suicide? Will you take the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God, and cut through your wife’s evil thought patterns?

Will you use God’s Word to speak truth in your wife’s life?  And will you resolve that obedience to God is more important than temporary peace in your home? That it is so important you are willing to risk losing your marriage or your wife?

The Bible tells us in 1 Timothy 2:12 “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence”.    How long will you continue to allow your wife to usurp authority over you as the man of your house in direct contradiction to God’s commands?

These are the decisions you must face.

Will you be the man God has called you to be?  Or will you cower in fear for the remainder of your days?  The choice is yours.  But I pray you will make the right one.