Some Christians claim that “The Bible tells believers to avoid abusers and to expel the wicked from among us”. But the does the Bible actually say this?
In response to my article “Why God Wants You to STAY in an Abusive Relationship” one of my readers wrote the following:
“The Bible tells believers to avoid abusers and to expel the wicked from among us.
1 Corinthians 5:13
1 Corinthians 5:9-11
It is false teaching to tell people to take unnecessary and wrongful abuse.
It is enabling sin.”
A quick glance at 1 Corinthians chapter 5 shows us that the entire context of the chapter is speaking to church discipline, not marital or even parent-child relationships.
1 Corinthians 5:1-4 (KJV) starts off as follows:
1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife. 2 And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you.
3 For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, concerning him that hath so done this deed, 4 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, 5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.”
The phrase “when ye are gathered together” is an unmistakable reference to the assembled church. This entire chapter has to do with church discipline – not marriage.
Now can a church expel from their membership a man who has truly abused his wife? Absolutely they can. But they should be careful in defining what kinds of abuse allow for expulsion.
For instance, if a woman came to her pastor and said “My husband calls me a bitch a lot – please expel him for verbally abusing me” – should the pastor expel her husband for that offense? The answer is no.
Instead, the Pastor should ask the wife “Have you ever called your husband a jerk?” To which if she is being honest, she will probably answer “Yes”. And then the Pastor should say “Then I must expel you by the same standard you want me to expel your husband”.
My point is when we understand that abuse means to mistreat someone in one way or another we need to be careful of saying the church should expel people for abusing their spouses. Because the truth is, we all abuse our spouses even if it is calling them a name when we get angry or frustrated from time to time.
This is why the church must be clear that they will only expel men or women for SERIOUS abuse as opposed to common everyday abuses that husbands and wives may commit against one another.
Abuse that rises to the level of causing permanent, serious or life-threatening bodily injury could justify church discipline against the perpetrator. Also abuse that breaks the marriage covenant such as a man failing to provide food and clothing or him withholding sex from his wife could justify church discipline toward such a man. In addition, a church could expel a woman who breaks her marriage covenant by systematically refusing to have sex with her husband or because she has had sex with other men.
The Bible is crystal clear that those under the authority of masters SHOULD tolerate abuse from their masters. And even sometimes we are called to tolerate abuse from our other authorities for the glory of the Gospel.
1 Peter 2:18-22 & 3:1-2 & 5-6 states the following:
“18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.
21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
22 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: 23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously…
1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear…
5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”
The Scriptures are clear that those who are under masters are called by God to tolerate abuse – cruelty and unjust treatment at the hands of those masters. And the Bible is clear that women are to regard their husbands as their masters. Therefore, women MUST tolerate abuse from their husbands and in doing so they emulate Christ.
Is it right for men to abuse their wives in big ways or even in small ways? Of course not!
1 Peter 3:7 (KJV) says the following:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
God does not want men to mistreat their wives in any way. But in the beginning of this same chapter God acknowledges the reality that men, like women are sinners. And that men will mistreat (aka abuse) their wives, sometimes in small ways and sometimes in serious ways.
Must women tolerate all forms of abuse from their husbands? No. Because the Bible also says in Exodus 21:26-27 that those under masters may be freed from their masters if their masters cause them serious and permanent bodily harm.
But there is no Biblical allowance for a woman (or man) to leave their spouse because of verbal or emotional abuse or even non-serious physical abuse such as slapping or leaving bruises.
How Should Wives Respond to Their Husband’s Abuse?
The answer to how wives should respond to their abusive husbands is found in a passage we already cited above from 1 Peter 3:1-2:
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”
First, it must be pointed out that in the old English of the KJV “conversation” meant “behavior”. God calls women to attempt to win their abusive husbands back to God, not with their words, but with their behavior toward their husbands. Wives are called to win their husbands by continuing to submit to and revere (fear) their husbands despite their sinful behavior.
How Should Men Respond to Their Wife’s Abuse?
The Bible is not a gender neutral book no matter how hard some Christians try to make it today. God calls for different duties and different responses from people depending upon their gender.
Just as parents are responsible to discipline their children for their wrong behavior, so too husbands are called to discipline their wives for their sinful behavior – whether that behavior is directed at them personally as the husband or toward others.
Unlike wives who are called to win their husbands without a word, husbands are called to wash their wives with the Word of God in Ephesians 5:25-27 (KJV):
“25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”
The husband’s call to love his wife as Christ loves his church is not limited to him washing her with the Word, but also extends to him rebuking and disciplining his wife as Christ does his churches in Revelation 3:19 (KJV):
“As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.”
To learn more about how the Bible says we should handle abuse and also the historical and biblically based practice of wife discipline see my podcasts below.
Biblical Gender Roles 