Will Knowland, a man who runs a Christian masculinity mentoring program at https://www.patriarchyproject.org/ recently made the above post on his Instagram page @knowlandknows.
If you had not see some of Knowland’s other posts and saw this post in isolation, you might get the impression that Knowland is a feminist because he is making the same argument that feminists make about divorce.
Whenever conservative patriarchal Christians bring up the point of women filing for the vast majority divorces feminists will immediately go to point that women have valid reasons for divorcing their husbands in most cases and that real fault of high divorce rates falls mostly at the feet of men, not women. If me would just be better husbands and fathers, divorce would be nearly non-existent in the view of feminists – and apparently Knowland actually agrees with feminists on this point.
To be fair to Knowland, his definition of what would make men better husbands and what feminists say would make men better husbands is very different. But they still arrive at the same conclusion, the divorce epidemic is 99% the fault of men. Knowland actually said that in comment below.
Divorce Doesn’t Happen to Masculine Men?
Knowland asserts that “Divorce doesn’t happen to masculine men”. In other words, he saying good husbands don’t have their wives running out committing adultery or filing for divorce against them.
Try telling that to God about his divorce from his wife Israel.
“for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of DIVORCE”
Jeremiah 3:8 (KJV)
God was the perfect masculine husband, yet his wife committed adultery by running after other gods.
Divorce happens to all ranges of men. Feminine men. Masculine men. Christian men and non-Christian men alike. Women file divorce against men who are excellent providers and have never run around with other women. Women file divorce against men who are strong leaders and men who are weak leaders.
Some of what Knowland is saying in this post aligns with what the Bible teaches.
In Ephesians 5:29, God calls men to provide for the needs of their wives as they do their own bodies and in Titus 2:5 God commands that women are to be “keepers at home”.
And I agree with Knowland and stats show that if a man’s wife has a full-time career outside the home and especially if she makes more than him in her career, they have a HIGH probability of divorce.
Who is Truly Responsible for the High Divorce Rate We Have Today?
Some will argue that men are completely responsible for high rates of divorce because men allowed the laws making divorce easier starting in the 19th century long before men gave women the right to vote in the early 20th century and it was men like Ronald Reagan who pushed for no-fault divorce laws.
And there is some truth to that argument. And it is good to understand how we got in the mess we are today.
But the fact remains – who are the ones primarily responsible for filing divorces today?
The answer is women. Women file for divorce 70 to 80 percent of the time and in most cases, it is not for biblically allowable reasons.
Knowland contends that in “99%” of cases the true responsibility for the divorce is not that of the woman who files for it, but instead the real responsibility is with the man and his behavior that drove her to file for divorce.
Knowland blaming the sins of husbands for their wives divorcing them is like blaming a victim of murder because he must have done something to make murderer want to kill him.
What is the Biblical Way to Approach Our Modern Divorce Epidemic?
Any masculinity teacher who tells you that if you lift weights, make sure your chest and waist size are a certain size, do assertive things like order dinner for your wife, listen to her, spend time with her and the kids, and provide well for her that she will never divorce you is selling you snake oil.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying any of those things are bad things to do and those things can certainly help to strengthen your marriage. However, those things are no guarantee that your wife won’t divorce you.
One way to approach the modern epidemic of divorce is to tell men that if they just act masculine enough, if they lead right, provide right and do everything else right then their wives won’t divorce them.
The problem with this approach is that it is a humanist and naturalist approach to the sin of divorce rather than a biblical approach.
And sadly, this is the primary approach that most Christian teachers take today, including Knowland.
Does the Bible say “Husbands be the best leaders, providers and protectors you can be so your wives won’t divorce you?” No. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:10 “Let not the wife depart from her husband”.
The Biblical approach to the modern epidemic of divorce is to tell women to stop committing the sin of divorcing their husbands and to tell them to win their husbands with their subjection, reverence and good behavior as the Bible commands in 1 Peter 3:1-2.
For more on the subject of the Biblical view of divorce see my article “If We Treated Divorce Like Killing“. In that article I do an exhaustive examination of every verse in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, on the subject of divorce to give a comprehensive biblical view of what are and are not allowable reasons for divorce.
And for Christian men facing the prospect of divorce I recommend you listen to my podcast below where I walk men through my experience with divorce as well as that of other Christian men and I give strategies for men with how to navigate the divorce process.
Biblical Gender Roles 