Biblical Sexology

Three Biblical Approaches to Sex in Marriage

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Is the romantic approach to sex the only Biblical approach to sex in marriage?

The vast majority of church pastors and Christian teachers today would have Christians believe that a romantic and feminine centric approach to sex is the only approach to sex which God approves of. 

Teachings like “Let’s get rid of duty of sex” and “Intercourse is not automatically intimacy” and “Real intimacy requires selflessness” are common teachings on some Christian Masculinity and Femininity Instagram pages.   

The common thread in many of these teachings is if men seek sex with their wives in way that is more pleasing for themselves and not as pleasing to their wives that they are being “selfish” and “childish”.  

And then we have other Christian Masculinity teachers making the following statements and encouraging their male followers to believe and emulate these statements:

“I don’t need sex from my wife, I don’t care about it, I don’t do anything for it…except be the most attractive version of me, and so therefore she is all over me like white on rice, because this is the standard.”

“You don’t NEED to have sex with your wife, you don’t NEED her to do anything for you…”

I am not arguing that the romantic approach to sex is bad or wrong.  In fact, I see in the Scriptures that the romantic approach to sex is actually commanded of husbands.

However, the romantic approach to sex is not the only approach to sex that God commands of husbands toward their wives or of wives toward their husbands.  And this is the truth that engaged couples as well as married couples need to understand and accept.

The truth is that the Bible teaches that there are two other approaches to sex in marriage besides the romantic approach and one of these other approaches to sex is actually commanded just like the romantic approach to sex is commanded. 

A marriage which only incorporates the romantic feminine centric approach to sex is not honoring God because it does not fulfill all his commands and purposes for sex in marriage.

In my new two-part podcast series entitled “Three Biblical Approaches to Sex In Marriage” I answer these questions and more using Biblical principles, commands and sexual euphemisms:

What are the differences between the masculine and feminine sexual natures?

Do men and women need or just desire sex?

Is there a difference between intercourse and intimacy?

How is sexual selfishness defined?

Is it wrong for a man to see his wife as a sex object?

Is it wrong for a man to grope his wife?

Does a man always have to make sure his wife is in the mood before they have sex?

Is it wrong for a man to ask his wife do sexual things she is not comfortable with?

Is it wrong for a man to have dominant or rough sex with his wife in marriage?

How can husbands determine a proper balance between the three approaches as they seek to lead their wives sexually in marriage?

You click on the link below to go to my podcast site, BGRLearning.com and listen to this two part podcast and hundreds of other podcasts about sex, gender roles and marriage all from a Biblical perspective.

Three Biblical Approaches to Sex in Marriage

What Does the Bible Say About Anal Sex?

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What does the Bible say about anal sex? Is there a difference between Sodomy and anal sex in the Bible or are they one and the same? Is anal sex allowed between a husband and wife in marriage? What are the health risks of anal sex? What if a husband and wife disagree about anal sex? All of these questions are answered in my latest podcast that you can find on BGRLearning.com.

This podcast is designed for engaged, newlywed or even couples who have been together for many years but have never explored this topic of anal sex. The answers to some of these questions above might just surprise you.

A Biblical Guide To Implementing Sexual Role Play In Christian Marriage

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In this new 3 part series from BGRLearning.com I discuss why sexual role play is not only acceptable, but also beneficial in Christian marriage in addition to discussing Biblical boundaries on sexual role play as well as giving ideas husbands can try out with their wives.

In Part 1 of this series, I lay the Biblical foundation for sexual role play in marriage and show how it can strengthen a woman’s appreciation and respect for her husband’s masculine sexual nature which is very different from her own.

In Part 2 of this series, I give Biblically based boundaries for husbands when they are designing role play scenarios for themselves and their wives.

In Part 3 of this series, I give 9 Biblically based role playing scenario ideas for husbands which can lay the groundwork for unlimited variations on these scenarios to be enjoyed in Christian marriage.

Go to BGRLearning.com and subscribe today to listen to this series.

A Biblical Guide To Implementing Sexual Role Play In Christian Marriage

Why Women Should Eat The Fruit of Their Husband’s Apple Tree

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In Song of Solomon 2:3 the Bible says “As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste”.  These euphemisms in Song of Solomon 2:3 refer to a woman performing fellatio (oral sex) on her husband.

The Bible refers to sex as “the natural use of the woman” in Romans 1:27.   And while many Christians throughout the centuries have claimed that fellatio is an “unnatural act” for a woman to do on her husband – both the Bible and biology show it not an unnatural act.  In fact, God has specially designed woman to reap direct health benefits as a result of performing oral sex on her husband.

In my latest podcast for BGRLearning.com, I not only explain from the Bible why God wants women to perform fellatio on their husbands, but I also explain the relational and biological benefits of this for women as well as detailed techniques for doing this (and yes there are many ways this can be done).

Whether you are engaged, a newlywed or have been married many years this podcast will help women to better understand the significance of fellatio in marriage and the benefits not only to their husbands, but to them as well.

And if you already perform oral sex on your husband, but your struggle with feelings of shame while doing it this podcast can help you with that as well.

Go to BGRLearning.com to listen to this podcast as well as hundreds of other podcasts on gender roles, courtship, marriage and sex in marriage.

Why Women Should Eat the Fruit of Their Husband’s Apple Tree – BGRLearning

Are Strapless Wedding Dresses Immodest for Christian Women?

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Many Christian women are told that it is immodest for them to consider any type of strapless wedding dress.  The primary reason they are told strapless wedding dresses are immodest is because they expose a woman’s shoulders and draw more attention to her cleavage which in turn will cause the men at the wedding and reception to lust.

The problem with this condemnation of Christian brides wearing strapless wedding dresses is that it is based on a faulty understanding of how the Bible defines modesty and lust.

In my new article for BiblicalSexology.com entitled “Are Strapless Wedding Dresses Immodest for Christian Women” I answer this question from the Bible and show how some traditional teachings about lust and modesty are not actually in line with the Biblical definitions of lust and modesty.

Click here to go that article.

The War on Masculine Sexuality

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The church’s war against masculine sexuality began around 50 A.D. when some post apostolic church fathers began to follow false doctrines of asceticism. Clement of Alexandria taught that sex was a desire of the flesh and that men should only have sex for “begetting children” and not because of “desire he feels for his wife”.  Later in 400 A.D., Augustine would call the sexual desire of a husband toward his wife a “venial fault”.

“Men should not sexually objectify women” , “Men are dogs”, “Men should only be sexually attracted to one woman and that is their wife”. It is these narratives and others that men are bombarded with every day of their lives. And make no mistake, these narratives represent a visceral hatred for male sexuality as God designed it. And at the same time that the church and feminists denigrate the visual and physical aspects of male sexuality – they exalt the feminine relational and emotional sexual nature as the ideal that men should strive for.

In my new article on BiblicalSexology.com I address this war on masculine sexuality and prove from the Scriptures why this war on male sexuality that began 2000 years ago was wrong from its very inception. Click here to go directly this article.

To listen to hundreds of podcasts on Biblical masculinity, marriage and sex click on the link below and subscribe to my podcast site.

https://bgrlearning.com/

Why Sadomasochism Is Unbiblical

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Sadomasochism is a word used to represent two corruptions of the human nature by sin, sadism and masochism. In this article I wrote for Biblicalsexology.com, I show how sadism and masochism are actually a perversion of the God given desires of man to dominate his wife and the woman to be dominated by her husband.

The sad truth is that there are many Christian marriages, marriages built on the principles of Biblical patriarchy as well as the Biblical principles of Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD), that have fallen prey to this perversion of sadomasochism.

I have read articles elsewhere online about sadomasochism from a Christian perspective, but none of them compare and contrast the biblical practices of CDD and dominant sex with sadomasochism. In my article I clearly articulate the two styles of sex which God allows in marriage which are affectionate sex (i.e. making love) as well as dominant sex with the sinful practice of sadomasochistic sex.

You can read the full article here on Biblicalsexology.com.

Does 1 Corinthians 7:2 Make Husbands and Wives Sexual Equals?

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In this new article I wrote for BiblicalSexology.com, I tackle the common but false interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7:2 which states “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband”. For decades, to appease our post-feminist culture, this passage has been used to teach the false doctrine of the sexual equality of husbands and wives in marriage.

In this article I prove from the original Greek language of 1 Corinthians 7:2 as well as other Scripture passages on the relationship of the husband toward his wife, that the husband and wife do NOT exclusively own one another sexually. The husband has exclusive sexual ownership over his wife, the wife does not have this over her husband. I show that this passage does not prohibit polygamy, but rather it allows it.

And I also show why the common false interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7:2 is part of a larger effort to elevate a woman’s power over her husband, something God never gave her.

You can read the full article here at BiblicalSexology.com.

Christian Wives Will You Take the Sexual Submission Challenge?

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Below is an excerpt from a comment that I recently received from a woman calling herself Elyse.

“I work full time, have two young kids so I totally get the “I’m so tired” shtick. But hear me out. I’ve recently decided to conscientiously submit to my husband better in all of life and that includes sexually. I let him know that I’m ready to submit to him in all ways including the bed and that my body is his. Surprisingly, this has had an amazing impact on our marriage as a whole…”

To read the rest of her story as well as my take on it and my challenge to Christian wives see my full article on BiblicalSexology.com.

10 Rules of Sex For Wives

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I recently had a woman named Monica write me about 10 rules for sex that her husband gave her at the beginning their marriage. These rules are very good applications of what the Bible says about submission and sex in marriage. I asked how many years Monica and her husband have been married in a followup email and she responded that they have been married for 13 years. So ladies listen up. These rules have made for both a holy and happy marriage for Monica and her husband and they will for you as well if you follow them.

You can read the full article on BiblicalSexology.com with Monica’s Husband’s 10 Rules for sex.