Biblical Masculinity

Why you should’nt Always Be Kind To Your Wife

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Most people, including most Christians, would be furious at the very idea that there are times that a man should NOT be kind to his wife. And this is because despite living in the Information Age, people in America and the rest of Western Civilization are woefully ignorant of concepts our ancestors understood well.

What is also sad is how many people will simply read the title of this post and not read past the first paragraph to have their preconceptions about kindness challenged. But if you are a person who is strong enough emotionally and spiritually to have your beliefs challenged, then I encourage you to keep reading.

The Bible commands all Christians to “be ye kind one to another” (Eph 4:32) and it specifically tells husbands to “render unto the wife due benevolence” (1 Cor 7:3) and “benevolence” translates the Greek word for kindness.

Kindness Is Not the Only Duty of a Husband

Men have a God-given duty to be kind to their wives.

However, a man’s duty to be kind to his wife is only one of many duties God has given him. And the Scriptures never present a man’s duty to be kind (pleasing) to his wife as what should be the driving force in his life.

Men also have the God-given duties to rule over (exercise control over) their wives as well as lead, provide for, protect, teach, rebuke and discipline their wives.
(Gen 3:16, Eph 5:23-29, 1 Cor 14:35, Rev 3:19)

Men also have the God-given duties to provide for, protect, teach, rebuke and discipline their children.
(Deut 6:6–7, Prov 13:22, Eph 6:4, Heb 12:7-11)

Men are not just called to work to provide for their wives and children, but they are called to be diligent in their work, increasing their skills and making their mark on the world through their life’s work.
(Psa 104:23, Prov 27:23, Ecc 9:10, Col 3:23)

Men have a God-given duty to “use” (Rom 1:27) their wives to “satisfy” (Prov 5:19) all their sexual desires in order “to avoid fornication” (1 Cor 7:2).

When Should A Man Be Unkind (aka displeasing) to His Wife?

A man’s actions, whether it be what career he chooses, how many hours he works, his rules for the children, his rules for his wife and what he desires from her sexually may not always be pleasing to her.

There are going to be times when a wife will not like her husband’s job or the hours he has to work at his job.  She may even be angry or hurt by the kind of work he is doing.  But each man must choose his own path when it comes to his career.  His wife cannot choose for him.

Should men seek career advice? Absolutely! But men should seek advice in these matters from other elder men with experience in the careers they seek to enter.  Their choice to enter a career should not be based on the emotional whims of their wife.

On the issue of rules and discipline for the children.  Should a man include his wife’s advice? Yes.  Especially when the children are younger as women are gifted with greater insight into how to handle small children.   Does this mean he cannot consult others as well or even his own father and mother as to how to handle things with his children? No. He absolutely can and should consult with other elder wise people.  

In other words, a wife must understand that when it comes to how her husband will make rules and policies for their children, she is but one voice in that discussion.  A very important voice to be sure, but certainly not the only voice.

Should a husband seek to please his wife in the marital bed? The answer is sometimes, but not all time.  If a man seeks to always have sex when and how his wife likes to have sex then he will inevitably be left unsatisfied sexually which will cause him to be far more tempted to commit fornication.  This is why the Bible commands men to use their wives to satisfy all their sexual desires so that they will be less tempted to commit fornication.

In other words, for a man to fully use his wife to satisfy his sexual desires as God commands, he may need to have sex with her at times and in ways which are displeasing (unkind) to her.  And there is no sin in this because God does not require that a man be kind(pleasing) to his wife in all things and at all times, not even in the sexual arena.

And for those who claim that “sex is not a need, it is only a want”.  The Bible shows that sex is a need for both women and men.  The Bible commands both husbands and wives not to deny sex to each other (1 Cor 7:3-4).   The Bible also compares a woman’s need for sex to that of her need for food and clothing (Ex 21:10-11)  and it compares a man’s need for sex to the human need for water (Prov 5:15).  What do humans need more often – food or water?  The answer is water.  And the Bible in using these different comparisons shows that men need sex much more often then women do.

Not only do men need sex more often than women, but they also need to be “ravished” (Prov 5:19) by their wives.  This literally has the idea of a man being sexually intoxicated by his wife.  And what makes a woman sexually intoxicating to a man? It is him knowing he can have her anytime and any way in which he so chooses.  It is her acting desirous to have sex with him in the ways which please him most. 

A woman who only has sex with her husband on her terms (when and how she wants it) will fail to ravish her husband.  This may bring some satisfaction for the husband, but it will never bring sexual intoxication or total satisfaction.

My point here is that whether it is the husband having to correct his wife for something she said or did wrong or him making a family decision she does not agree with or him having sex with her at a time or in a way she does not like – a man will sometimes have to act in an unkind (displeasing) way toward his wife to fulfill his other duties in this life.

When Should A Man Be Kind To His Wife?

Now that I demonstrated that a man’s duty to be kind to his wife is one of just many duties we are left with this question – How can a man fulfill his God-given duty to please his wife without compromising his other duties?

The answer to the question above is found in another question that a man must continually ask himself on a daily basis: “Will this act of pleasing my wife cause me to fail in any of my other duties?”

Often times the answer to this question will be “no” – that it a man pleasing his wife does not conflict with his other duties.  And men should certainly seek out ways in which they can be kind (pleasing) to their wives. 

But in their efforts to be pleasing to their wives, husbands must never loose sight of all the other duties God has given them in this life.   God did not create man to please his wife, but rather God created man to glorify God by imaging him with his life (1 Cor 11:7).

Can a Man’s Duties Sometimes Conflict?

Yes. 

Sometimes one duty a man has will trump another temporarily.

For instance, a man’s duty to be diligent in his work and to use his wife to satisfy his sexual desires may sometimes be trumped by his duty to care for his wife when she has serious health issues.

Still other times a man’s work will take him far away from home for a period causing him to not be able to fulfill his duty to give himself in the marital bed to his wife and to be present for his children.  

This is the balancing act that God has given to each man to perform in his life.

Real Men Do Cry Sometimes

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On the far left we hear “progressive” Christian teachers telling men they need to get more in touch with their feminine sides. They literally encourage men to act more like women, including crying more like women do.

However, on the far right we actually have some masculinity teachers telling men it is unmasculine to cry or shed a tear – ever. Some far right masculinity teachers who claim men should not cry will say if they do cry, it should never ever be in front of women and especially their wives.  They even shame men for crying at the funeral of departed loves ones, their weddings or the birth of their children.

Both sides are wrong.

The far left is wrong in saying that men should allow themselves to express their emotions more as well as their fears and concerns just as women do.

In several passages below, the Bible actually insults men by saying they are acting like women.

“The mighty men of Babylon have forborn to fight, they have remained in their holds: their might hath failed; they became as women: they have burned her dwellingplaces; her bars are broken.”

Jeremiah 51:30 (KJV)

“In that day shall Egypt be like unto women: and it shall be afraid and fear because of the shaking of the hand of the Lord of hosts, which he shaketh over it.”

Isaiah 19:16 (KJV)

“Behold, thy people in the midst of thee are women: the gates of thy land shall be set wide open unto thine enemies: the fire shall devour thy bars.”

Nahum 3:13 (KJV)

Rather than acting more like women, the Bible gives men the following exhortation:

“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”

1 Corinthians 16:13 (NASB)

My point here is that the Bible makes it very clear that men are to have greater control over their emotions than women do. Therefore it would be right to say that men should be far less expressive with their emotions than women are.

But then we come to the other extreme. We have the far right masculinity teachers claiming men should never shed a tear, even at the death of a loved one and certainly not in the presence of women.

The problem with this teaching is that such a teaching would condemn the manliest man that ever lived – Jesus Christ!

In John 11:35 (KJV) the Bible says “Jesus wept“. Jesus did this in the context of the death of his friend Lazarus, the brother of Mary and Martha. He saw their sorrow, and even while knowing he would raise Lazarus, their sorrow evoked great sorrow him which he expressed before these women.

And in Luke 19:41 (KJV) the Bible says “And when he was come near, he beheld the city, and wept over it”. Jesus wept before a crowd of both men and women over the destruction he knew was coming to Jerusalem.

The Bible passages we have just shown prove that both extremes on this issue of men crying are wrong.

Should men cry as often as women? Of course not. The Bible shames men for acting like women in any fashion, and crying a lot is a feminine trait, not a masculine one.

However, the Scriptures do tell us in Ecclesiastes 3:4 that there is “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance”. There is no shame in a man shedding tears of sorrow at the death of a friend or family member and there is no shame in a man shedding tears at his wedding as he exchanges vows with his bride or at the birth of his children.

Real men don’t cry all the time, but they do cry sometimes.

10 Things Every Christian Husband Must Unlearn

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Below are 10 things every Christian husband must “unlearn” that men are taught by our post-feminist culture in order to unleash and fully realize the masculine nature that God designed him with:

  1. You must unlearn thinking that it is impossible for a man to support his family on his own.
  2. You must unlearn thinking that is wrong for a man to exercise complete control over the finances in his home.
  3. You must unlearn thinking that that it is wrong for you to try to control your wife.
  4. You must unlearn thinking that that it is wrong for you to rebuke and discipline your wife.
  5. You must unlearn thinking that you must get permission from your wife for anything.
  6. You must unlearn thinking that is wrong for you to help your wife formulate her worldview, including her view of how the roles of husband and wife play out in marriage.
  7. You must unlearn thinking that it is selfish to want to mold your wife to your preferences, including but not limited to – having her cook the food you like, wearing the clothes you like and keeping her hair the way you like it.
  8. You must unlearn thinking that it is selfish to want to spend time away from your wife whether just in solitude by yourself or with other men.
  9. You must unlearn thinking that it is selfish for you to spend time and money on hobbies you enjoy as a man.
  10. You must unlearn thinking that it is selfish to want sex from your wife whenever and however you so desire it, even when she is not in the mood.

To learn more about how to unleash and fully realize your God given nature as a man go to my podcast site BGRLearning.com. There you can listen podcasts that will teach you straight out of the Bible what it means to be man and you can let God’s Word wash away your post-feminist cultural conditioning.

Dominance, Dialogue and Delegation – Habits Newlywed Husbands Need To Implement in Marriage

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There are three habits that every newlywed Christian husband needs to form in his marriage beginning on his wedding day.  And these are the habits of dominance, dialogue and delegation.  In this new podcast I have produced for BGRLearning.com, I supply newlywed husbands with biblically based, practical ways to help them establish the regular habits of dominance, dialogue and delegation with their new wives.

Click here to go to BGRLearning.com and subscribe to listen to this podcast and hundreds of other podcasts on the topics of masculinity, femininity, marriage, sex and discipline from all from a Biblical perspective.

It Is a Sin for Wives to Be Jealous of Their Husbands

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Many women today believe it is absolutely righteous for them to be jealous of their husbands.  And they are even backed in their jealousy toward their husbands by many modern Christian preachers, teachers and counselors.

But such a teaching, that it is right for women to be jealous over their husbands, is found nowhere in the Scriptures.  In fact, the Scriptures show the very opposite. 

A woman entertaining and acting upon jealous feelings toward her husband is a sin because her jealousy is a complete rejection of God’s design of the masculine sexual nature and God’s allowance for polygamy.

A Husband’s Jealousy Over His Wife Is Righteous

In Ezekiel 16:38 (KJV) we read “And I will judge thee, as women that break wedlock and shed blood are judged; and I will give thee blood in fury and jealousy”.  A husband’s possessive jealousy over his wife images God’s jealousy over his wife Israel and it is a righteous and holy type of jealousy. 

The Husband Exclusively Owns His Wife, the Wife Does Not Own Her Husband

The Bible says the following in Deuteronomy 22:22 (KJV):

“If a man be found lying with a woman married [Hebrew: “baal” as pronoun – “owned”] to an husband [Hebrew: “baal” as noun “Master/Owner”], then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.”

This principle of the husband’s mastery over his wife is reinforced in the New Testament as well in 1 Peter 3:5-6 (KJV):

“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord [Greek “kurios” Master/Owner]: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

In the Scriptures, for a woman to be married means for her to owned by a husband.  He owns her, she does not own him.
This is why the Bible allows husbands to have more than one wife (Polygyny),but forbids wives to have more than one husband (Polyandry).  Regarding men taking second wives the Scriptures state the following:

“If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish”

Exodus 21:10 (KJV)

The Bible uses two different words for ownership.  The Greek Word “heautou” always means exclusive ownership while the Greek word “idios” can mean someone being owned by another or someone having shared access to someone or something. Consider these uses of “idios”:

“For Jesus himself testified, that a prophet hath no honour in his own [idios] country.” 

John 4:44 (KJV)

“Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own [idios] master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.” 

Romans 14:4 (KJV)

Now let’s consider the following New Testament passage which so many Pastors today wrongly teach as husbands and wives mutually owning one another:

“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own [heautou] wife, and let every woman have her own [idios] husband.” 

1 Corinthians 7:2 (KJV)

When we consider the fact that the husband is the master and owner of his wife and the fact that God uses the word for exclusive ownership – “heautou” – when it comes to a man’s ownership over his wife – yet he uses the word idios which when used with masters means the very opposite – “owned” we see a very different picture than what is told to us in many pulpits today. 

But while the husband is his wife’s master, she is not his slave.  She is his wife.  Exodus 21:10 as well as 1 Corinthians7:3-5 show us that a wife is to have shared access to her husband’s provision, protection and his body in the bed. 

Many Christian women today comfort themselves in their possessive jealousy over their husbands by saying “God only made one wife for the first man”.  Yet they ignore the fact that God made the second man marry his sister. 

The fact is in order to understand God’s full design for marriage we must look at the complete revelation of God from Genesis to Revelation.  Only when we do this will we will then understand that a man having one wife as well as a man marrying his sister were temporary. That later in the law of Moses God would take away his temporary allowance for sibling marriage while at the same time expanding on his allowance for polygamy.  And God never removed his allowance for polygamy in the New Testament no matter how much many Christians would like to believe he did.

The evidence is all over the Bible – women do NOT have a right to be possessively jealous over their husbands but husbands absolutely have a right to be possessively jealous over their wives. 

A wife’s jealousy over her husband’s thoughts or glancing at other women or liking certain actresses in movies or TV can cause a lot of problems in marriage.  It is only when a wife’s sinful jealousy is confronted by both herself and her husband that men can be free to exercise their full masculine nature.


And what does a husband fully exercising his masculine polygynous nature look like? Does it mean he runs out and gets another wife? In most cases the answer is no – he is not going to do that.  In 21st century America, it is rare for husbands to act on their right to take additional wives.  It is a difficult life not only for financial reasons but also because of our societal condemnation of polygamy. 

But here is what a man being free to fully exercise his God give masculine polygynous sexual nature will most likely look like.  He won’t go out and get another wife – but he may ask his wife to engage in sexual role play acting like she is another woman.  He might feel free to watch movies and TV shows with actresses he likes where before he would worry about incurring the jealous rage of his wife.  He won’t have to look at the ground when he goes to the mall or especially the beach because he is afraid his wife might see him enjoying the beauty of other women around him.

 
Possessive Jealousy Verses Envious Jealousy

As I have shown throughout this article, possessive jealousy by a woman toward her husband is always wrong because this kind of jealousy reflects a rejection of God’s design of masculinity and marriage.
But there is another type of jealousy, envious jealousy, which God was attempting to provoke in his wife Israel.  In the context of speaking about his first wife Israel (whom he divorced for adultery) God said this about his new bride the Church:

“I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.”
Romans 11:11 (KJV)

God in taking the church (a new spiritual body made up of believing Jews and Gentiles) was seeking to provoke his old wife (ethnic Jews – Israel) to envious jealousy.  His goal is for the Jews who rejected him to see how well he treats the church so that Israel (ethnic Jews collectively) will one day want him back as her husband. And this is a way that wives can totally transform their possessive jealousy into an envious jealousy that drives them to be better wives to their husbands. 

But to explain how women can do this I need to first give a brief review of love in marriage.

A husband’s love for his wife in the form of his leadership, provision, and protection towards her is unconditional.  She does not have to earn that – he committed these things to her on the day he took her as his wife. 

But most women confuse Agape love (committed love) with Phileo love (feelings love) and Eros love (sexual love).   A woman does not have earn her husband’s committed love, but she very much has to earn his Phileo and Eros love by what she does toward him. 

This is why the Bible commands that husbands are to be ravished (sexually intoxicated) by their wives in Proverbs 5:19. And this command requires the participation of both the husband and the wife.  A husband cannot be ravished by a prudish wife and a wife cannot ravish a husband who ignores her attempts to ravish him.

So here is how women can transform their possessive jealousy into an envious jealously which fuels positive change in their marriage.   Instead of being mad at him for checking out that woman in the mall – the ravishing wife takes what she saw and offers to role play being that woman in bed with her husband at home.  Or maybe she sees some sexual acts in a movie her and her husband are watching and sees that he likes it – maybe later than evening or another night she seeks to recreate what they saw that he likes.

My point is that a woman’s jealousy can be used for good or for evil.  And women should redirect and harness their jealousy for the good of their husbands and their marriages.

Why keep speaking on Polygamy?

A lot of my traditional Christian followers write me wishing I would stop talking about Biblical polygamy. It makes them uncomfortable.  

I consider myself a traditional Christian.  But unlike many traditional Christians today, my traditional beliefs are not based in 1950s American values.

My beliefs are based upon traditional values which started with the teachings and law God gave to Moses more than 3500 years ago.

And I fully recognize the progressive revelation of God and the fact that in the New Testament the Civil and Ceremonial laws of Israel are replaced with the new law of Christ.  But the moral law of the Old Testament remains and acceptance of it is crucial for us to understand God’s view of marriage and sexuality.

Go to BGRLearning.com to listen to hundreds of podcasts on topics such as gender roles, marriage and sexuality from a Biblical perspective.

You Don’t Have To Be A Jock To Be A Godly Masculine Man – Nerds Can Be Too 

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You don’t have to be a jock to be a godly masculine man.  Nerds can also be godly masculine men as well.

Jocks are focused on building their physical capabilities and are often physically talented. Nerds are focused on building their mental capabilities and are often highly intelligent and creative.

God created two major variations of masculinity – the Warrior and the Wiseman.
Jocks are the Warrior variant and Nerds are the Wiseman variant.

A man who has the Warrior variant of masculinity will be drawn to things like sports, body building, hunting or the military. And a man who has the Wiseman variant will be drawn to things like history, music, literature, math, science and computers.

Both the Warrior and Wiseman may make great business entrepreneurs, politicians or military leaders but will use different strengths to excel in these areas.

Many men exhibit attributes of both the Warrior and Wiseman as they should. But each man is either more of a Warrior or more of a Wiseman in his strengths and attributes.
 
King David was a Warrior and built his kingdom with his sword.  In Psalms 144:1, David said “Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight”.

David’s son, King Solomon, was a Wiseman who built his kingdom with his mind. The Bible says in 1 Kings 4:29 “And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding exceeding much, and largeness of heart, even as the sand that is on the sea shore.”

For a man to be a truly godly masculine man he needs to cultivate at least some of the qualities of both the Warrior and the Wiseman.

A Warrior cannot lead without gaining some knowledge and wisdom and a Wiseman cannot lead without having some of the firmness and strength of the Warrior.

Which man are you? The Wiseman or the Warrior?

Subscribe to BGRLearning.com to listen to hundreds of podcasts dealing with the Biblical view of what constitutes masculinity.

Virtuous Women Are Rarely Found – They Are Made By Godly Husbands

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3000 years ago, the Bible declared in Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”  In other words, long before feminism infested and poisoned every part of our modern society it was hard for a man to find a woman who thought and acted as God wants wives to.

So why was it hard even 3000 years ago for a man to find a virtuous woman? The answer is one word – sin.  Sin corrupts the perfect masculine and feminine human natures that God created in Eden. 

Sin corrupts us both mentally and physically.  It also corrupts us differently as men and women.   Sin is why we get sick and why we age and it is why we will eventually die.  It is why people have mental illnesses including issues with depression and anxiety. 

Women tend to suffer from some common corruptions of their feminine natures by sin.  Women typically are affected by depression and anxiety issues at a much higher rate then men are. 

God created women as feelings-based beings, rather than duty-based beings as men are.   And sin corrupts the emotions of women causing them to fail in their duties as wives, mothers and keepers of their homes.

This is why the vast majority of women need their husband to love them as Christ loves his church by washing their spots and wrinkles, teaching them, rebuking them and chastening them in order for them to become the glorious wives God wants them to be.

Single Christian men – the Scriptures declare that it is nearly impossible to find a woman who will come to you prepackaged as a good wife. If you are looking for a woman that has everything in her life together, is disciplined and has her emotions completely in control you may find yourself one day being a 40-year-old virgin.

Are there single women who are not yet everything a good wife should be? Women who love God, believe they must live by his Word, believe in male headship, believe in women being keepers at home and aspire to become good wives one day with their help of their husbands and God?  Yes.  And those are the women Christian men should be looking for.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”

Ephesians 5:25-27 (KJV)

Virtuous women are rarely found that way. It is only after years of washing, teaching, rebuking and chastening by their husbands that that most women achieve this noble status.

Would you like to listen to hundreds of podcasts about what the Bible says regarding masculinity, femininity, courtship, marriage, sex in marriage and many other gender related topics?

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Househusbands Are Unbiblical

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While it is not a sin for a man to help his wife out around the house from time to time, it absolutely goes against God’s design for a man’s life ambition to be a househusband while he has a wife that goes out and financially supports him.

God created the man, the male, to image him and thereby bring him glory (1 Cor 11:7).   In Ephesians 5:29 the Bible says men are called to provide for and protect their wives as Christ provides for and protects his church.

He created the woman for the man to be a suitable companion (Gen 2:18), the bearer and caregiver for his children (1 Tim 5:14) and the keeper of his home (Titus 2:5).    He created marriage to be between a man and woman ONLY with the man leading, providing for and protecting the woman (Eph 5:22-33) while the woman submits to the husband serving him as her earthly lord (1 Peter 3:5-6).

Why do certain men desire to be homemakers and care for the children while desiring their wives to be the primary breadwinners? Because of the corruption of sin within them.  Some men may even look masculine on the outside while having very feminine natures on the inside.  The same goes for women looking feminine on the outside but being very masculine on the inside.  But God calls us as men and women to find this corruption of sin.  If we are born into a male body, then we have a certain role to play and we are born into a female body then we have another role to play. 

It is one thing if a man’s wife becomes disabled and he has to step into her role in the home or the husband becomes disabled and the wife has to step in his role as the breadwinner. That is not what we are talking about here. What we are talking about is when a man and woman plan and choose a life where he will be a househusband and she will be the breadwinner they are planning to break model of Christ and the church which they were both created to model in the institution of marriage which God created.

For a man to seek out the role that God specifically gave to woman is a sin against his creator.

Wives, Butt Out Of Your Husband’s Business

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It is very common in post-feminist Christendom to hear pastors and other Christian teachers teach that men should make themselves fully accountable to their wives. Men are told they should share all their passwords for their phones, laptops, other devices, social media accounts and bank accounts. Of course women are told to do the same with their husbands as well.

The rationale for this recommendation is that it helps husbands and wives to to defend their marriage against infidelity and other sins that either the husband or wife may be tempted by. And this is not just about sexual fidelity, it is also about things like diet, finances and parenting issues.

While I have a lot of respect for Dennis and Barbara Rainey from Family Life Ministries, this is one area where he follows the modern Christian crowd which has been poisoned by femininist ideology. On his website under an article entitled “Accountability With Your Spouse” Mr. Rainey writes:

“The wise preacher declared, “Two are better than one because … if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up” (Ecclesiastes. 4:9–10). That Scripture shouts the value of mutual support or accountability in marriage.”

Sorry Mr. Rainey, but no – that Scripture does not “shout .. accountability in marriage”. Ecclesiastes 4:9–10, while being widely read at weddings, is not a Bible passage specifically talking about marriage. It is talking about friendship. Now someone might respond to what I just said with the question “Do you think friendship is not part of marriage?” and I would answer that yes I believe friendship is a part of marriage. But there are different kinds of friendship – there is friendship between equals, like two men or two women being friends. And then there are friendships between authorities and those under them. The Bible speaks of this kind of friendship between those who are not equals in James 2:23 where the Bible says “And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God.”.

God refers to a woman as the companion of her husband (Malachi 2:14), but it never refers to her as his equal. Instead, the Bible makes clear that the husband is head (Ephesians 5:23) and master (1 Peter 3:6) of his wife. Therefore the friendship between a husband and wife will be and should be very different than a friendship between say two men or two women.

The Bible does encourage Christians to keep themselves accountable to other Christians in James 5:16 where the it says “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much”.

So, the question is not whether husbands should keep themselves accountable, because they absolutely should.  The question is whether husbands should keep themselves accountable to their wives.   And the answer to this question is absolutely NOT.

Christian husbands should find other godly Christian men to keep themselves accountable with but certainly not their wives. 

The reason husbands should not allow their wives to be their accountability partners is because such an arrangement breaks the model of marriage that God has designed. God did not design marriage as a partnership, but rather he designed it as a patriarchy.  God designed marriage to model the relationship between God and his people and Christ and his church.  Is Christ subject to his church or his church subject to Christ? We know the answer from the Scriptures (See Ephesians 5:24).

Wives however, are accountable to their husbands as the church is accountable to Christ and it is also good for women to find other godly women to keep themselves accountable with as well (see Titus 2:3-5).

Am I Saying Husbands and Wives Should Not Communicate At All?

Affirming the Biblical the truth that a husband making himself morally accountable to his wife breaks the model of the headship of Christ over his church does not mean that husbands should not communicate with their wives about their daily lives. Husbands should try to communicate their work schedules with their wives so that their wives can plan meals and other family events around the husband’s work. And while a husband does not have to reveal the complete family financial picture to his wife, he should communicate on a regular basis how much money the wife has to work with as she manages the domestic needs of the home. Husbands and wives also need to talk about things going on with their children.

And a husband must remember that while he is not morally accountable to his wife, she is in fact morally accountable to him. And that requires him to communicate with her on a regular basis to hear what she has been doing in her daily life.

Am I Saying Husbands Should Not Ask Their Wives For Forgiveness When They Sin Against Them?

If I had a dime for every time a woman wrote me with the comment “You know husbands are sinners too!” I would be a rich man. Of course husbands are sinners. The Bible says in Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” and that “all” includes both men and women. The only person to ever walk this earth and be sinless was Jesus Christ.

But to you ladies who always write me that husbands are sinners too, do you not realize that God knew that when he told women in Ephesians 5:23-24 “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing”.

God was saying to wives – “I know your husband is sinner just like you, but I want you to submit to him anyway. I want you to model the submission of the Church to Christ toward your husband, even though your husband is not sinless like Christ”.

I say all that to acknowledge the fact that yes husbands will sometimes sin against their wives. And when they sin against their wife, they need to ask God and their wife for forgiveness. A husband does not ask his wife for forgiveness of a sin against her because he is morally accountable to her, but rather he asks her for forgiveness because he is morally accountable to God and God wants him to seek the forgiveness of those he has sinned against.

In 1 Peter 3:7 the Bible says a man’s prayers may be hindered because of his mistreatment his wife and in Luke 17:3-4, Christ encouraged Christians to repent of their sins toward one another and for the offended party to receive that repentance and forgive the person for their offense.

Your Husband Does Not Have To Ask Your Forgiveness For Sins Not Directly Against You

Many Christian wives today see themselves as their husband’s priestess whom he must come to and confess his daily transgressions. Ladies you are not your husband’s confessor! Your husband must confess all his sins to God and only those sins to you which are directly against you. And yes if he has a male accountability partner, he may confess his sins to them, but he is not asking them for forgiveness but rather keeping them informed so they can pray for him and so he can receive encouragement to do better.

Just Because You Think It Is Sin, Does Not Make It Sin

A lot of wives today try to turn everything they think their husband does wrong into a sin against them. Whether it be things he does that they think she shouldn’t do, or things he does not do that they think he should – wives have a bad habit of assembling lists of sins in their minds that they think their husbands are committing.

Ladies listen up and listen good. You are not the spiritual authority of your home. You do not determine what is and is not sin. But rather it is God and the human spiritual head God has appointed over you, your husband, that determine what is sin in your home. Let me clarify that last part so it cannot be twisted. I am not saying that if your husband commands you to murder someone or have a threesome of with one of his guy friends from work that he can say those things are not sin and you must do it. Nor am I saying he may not actually be committing sin when you think he is.

But when I say that your husband does determine what is and is not sin in your home I mean that God has appointed him the spiritual interpreter and applier of the Scriptures for you as his wife. In 1 Corinthians 14:35 the Bible says of wives “And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home”.

That means if the Bible does not directly speak to something, but your husband applies Scriptural principles and determines a rule against or allowance for an activity – his rule for you is law. And if you break the law of your husband, you break the law of God.

Wives the conclusion of the matter is this – butt of his business and leave your husband to God.

Photo Source: Freepik.com

There is no word for “husband” in the original languages of the Bible

/ biblicalgenderroles / 6 Comments

In Hebrew and Greek, the original languages of the Bible, there is no word for husband. Instead, the Bible uses two words to refer to husbands and these words can refer to men that are not husbands as well.

In the Hebrew of the Old Testament husbands are often referred to as “ish” which means “a male human being” and the New Testament also uses the Greek equivalent word for male which is “aner” to refer to husbands. In other words, one of the ways to refer to a woman’s husband in ancient times was simply to refer to him as “her man”.

The second word which the Bible uses to refer to a woman’s husband is very offensive to modern ears. The Hebrew word “baal” is used 15 times in the Old Testament to refer to a woman’s husband. The Hebrew word “baal” means “master/owner”. There is also an adverb use of “baal” which means “owned”. The word is used to refer to masters, home owners, a pagan deity and to husbands.

The following passage from the book of Exodus illustrates the use of baal where it is not a referring to a woman’s husband.

“7 If a man shall deliver unto his neighbour money or stuff to keep, and it be stolen out of the man’s house; if the thief be found, let him pay double. 8 If the thief be not found, then the master [BAAL] of the house shall be brought unto the judges, to see whether he have put his hand unto his neighbour’s goods.

9 For all manner of trespass, whether it be for ox, for ass, for sheep, for raiment, or for any manner of lost thing which another challengeth to be his, the cause of both parties shall come before the judges; and whom the judges shall condemn, he shall pay double unto his neighbour.

10 If a man deliver unto his neighbour an ass, or an ox, or a sheep, or any beast, to keep; and it die, or be hurt, or driven away, no man seeing it: 11 Then shall an oath of the Lord be between them both, that he hath not put his hand unto his neighbour’s goods; and the owner [BAAL] of it shall accept thereof, and he shall not make it good.

12 And if it be stolen from him, he shall make restitution unto the owner [BAAL] thereof.”

Exodus 22:7-12 (KJV)

Notice in the passage above that baal is translated as “master” in verse 8, then as “owner” in verses 11 and 12. The reason for this that baal in the context of a house meant the head of household or literally the master of the house. But in the context of goods being held or exchanged, baal referred to the owner of the goods.

Now let’s look at the following passage refers to a husband’s mastery and ownership over his wife:

“If a man be found lying with a woman married [BAAL used as verb] to an husband [BAAL used as noun], then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.

Deuteronomy 22:22 (KJV)

The phrase “a woman married to an husband” is most literally translated from the Hebrew as “a woman owned by an owner”.

In the Proverbs 31 regarding the virtuous wife, the Bible refers to her husband not as her “ish” (her man), but rather as her “baal” (her master):

“10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband [BAAL – master] doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil…

23 Her husband [BAAL – master] is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land…

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [BAAL – master] also, and he praiseth her.“

Some Christians, unwilling to accept the Biblical teaching that a husband is the master and owner of his wife, have tried to claim that since “ish”(meaning man) is used more often than “baal” to refer to a woman’s husband that this is how God wants a wife to see her husband, as her man and not as her master. These Christian’s see a husband’s mastery over his wife as a result of sin and something God only temporarily allowed.

Some have even tried to point to the following Old Testament passage to say God’s preference is for women to see their husbands as their “man” and not “master”:

“And it shall be at that day, saith the Lord, that thou shalt call me Ishi; and shalt call me no more Baali.”

Hosea 2:16 (KJV)

In the passage above God was not giving up his mastery over his wife, Israel. But rather he saying he wanted her to see him as BOTH her man and her master. Ishi was the tender and affectionate way that women sometimes referred to their husbands. In essence, God wanted his wife Israel to say to him “You are not just my master, but you are my man”.

The passage below from the New Testament, settles once and for all whether or not a husband’s mastery over his wife was a result of sin or his design from the beginning of creation:

“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord [Greek KURIOS – “master”]: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

1 Peter 3:5-6 (KJV)

The fact that the Apostle Peter commands women, Christian women, to follow the examples of Old Testament women like Sarah who called their husband’s “lord” (master) confirms for us that a husband’s mastery over his wife was God’s design from the very beginning of creation.

How Masters of Wives Became Husbands

Many centuries after the New Testament was finished, English, like other languages came up with a new word to refer specifically to the master and owner of a wife.   Originally husband meant “master of the house”. So the early English translations of the Bible translated “baal” as “husband” instead of master as they believed it helped refer to a specific kind of master, the master of a wife.

In no way was the translation of a master of a wife as “husband” meant to weaken a man’s authority over his wife. English common law, following Biblical law, recognized a husband’s full ownership over his wife and children.  When it came to his wife, a man could override any of his wife’s decisions and had complete control over her life, again in keeping with Biblical law (see Numbers 30, Ephesians 5:22-24:).

American Society Rejects the Mastery of Husband Over His Wife

The term “master” in our American society is seen as a very negative term and evokes images of slave masters acting cruelly toward their slaves.   But in the Bible, the term master was not automatically associated with slavery or cruelty.  It recognizes that there were just slave masters and cruel slave masters. 

The Bible also recognizes a concept that we as 21st century Americans cannot understand. That to be owned and master by someone does not automatically make you a slave.  In other words, while a husband is his wife’s master, meaning that he does own her and control her life, that does not make her his slave.

The Bible shows that husbands as masters of their wives have far greater responsibilities toward their wives than masters of slaves.  In Ephesians 5:25-29, the Bible commands that husbands are to be willing to give their lives to protect their wives, they are to lead, teach, provide for and care for their wives as Christ does his church.

Conclusion

The Bible is clear that God wants Christian women to recognize their husband’s as more than their “life partners” or “friends” and even more than their leaders. God wants wives to recognize their husband’s as their earthly masters who have full control over their lives.

Full acceptance of the Biblical teaching of a husband’s mastery over his wife requires both a Christian husband and a Christian wife to reject the belief in the full autonomy of women. This modern belief that women have the same rights and freedom as men is enshrined in our American laws. But these laws giving women the same rights and freedom as men are null and void in the eyes of God and we as Christian husbands and wives must consider these laws null and void as well if we are to have marriages that are faithful to God’s design.

It will require great courage for Christian men to reclaim their birthright and responsibility of mastery over their wives in this post feminist era. And it will require great humility on the part of Christian women to fully embrace their husband’s mastery over them.

Let us pray for a courageous generation of Christian men and a humble generation of Christian women to return our society back to God’s design for marriage.