The Sacrifice God Calls Christian Wives To

Many young Christian women today have been raised their whole lives to believe feminism’s greatest lie – “You can have it all”.  “You can have a career, a husband and children and you should never sacrifice any part of your dreams”.  This is the core of feminism today and it is the primary reason that the family unit has been so decimated over the past century.

Even in Churches today women are taught a corrupt and twisted view of the Scriptures using passages like Psalms 37:4 to tell them God wants them to have all “the desires of thine heart” and it is a male dominated society that has held them back from having everything they want – not God.

Sacrifice is a part of God’s will for both men and women

The Bible tells us in the New Testament letter to the Hebrews that Moses sacrificed his position as a prince of Egypt and all the pleasures and riches that came with that position to follow God’s will for his life even though it would involve suffering and pain and perhaps even the loss of his dreams as a prince.

“24 By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter; 25 Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; 26 Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward.”

Hebrews 11:24-26 (KJV)

Many Christian women today struggle with a similar choice to sacrifice their career ambitions to follow the path God has for them in their home. Recently I received some emails from a woman who is experiencing this very struggle and I thought it might be beneficial for my readers to hear her story.

Courtney was on a successful career path to becoming a doctor later this year and looking forward to having a husband and many children along with that career. As a young Christian woman, Courtney had been raised all her life to believe the greatest lie of feminism – “you can have it all.”

Then she found this site and it has completely rocked her world to say the least.  It has caused a conflict in her where none existed before.  It has caused her to question how she has lead her life up to this point and if it was all a waste.  Why did no one ever show her the Scripture passages she found on this site? Why did no one ever share with her God’s design of Biblical gender roles and what they represent? To say that she is now very frustrated and hurt would be an understatement.

So, with that as an introduction here is Courtney’s story.

Courtney’s Story

“I’ve recently become enthralled with your website but the more I read the more I just wonder what this life is supposed to be. Why give us the capacity to learn so much, dream big and have talents if, we were would later be forced to break our own hearts.

I thought having a happy family was what God wanted but now after reading the Bible passages you present I know it’s more than that. To say a woman can’t have it all is not true if you look at it in the same lens that most of us do. Happy family that never wants for anything great kids that excel in everything they do, a loving husband and happy functional home. To know that “having it all” as I just mentioned and how God wants it, don’t even run parallel just hurts.

I’m in my fourth year of med school and I’m in my ophthalmology rotation, but it means nothing and it’s worth nothing. To be told your ambition is misguided sucks, I’m not doing this for selfish reasons. I genuinely love medicine and helping people. It’s not fair, but hey none of it was meant to be right?

I was taught in church that loving God with my mind consisted of striving for academic success because it would bring honor to my family and God, but why say that if it’s not true. Why did I even go to school? I read about history and I think this would hurt less if we lived in biblical times when women didn’t know they had the capacity to learn how to do things. By June I’ll be a doctor but for what? I’ve interviewed for residencies and dined all this work, was it a waste of time?

As a Christian I know that being a parent is the greatest responsibility you could ever bare, but why does having a career have to diminish that? Honestly it seems easier to be a man because your role is as a provider and a man can have his career goals and his family but women have to choose not because someone will be unhappy but it seems like God expects us to. It just hurts.

One of the doctors that I’ve shadowed is an oculoplastics surgeon and her husband is the head obstetrics in another clinic. They meet for lunch several days out of the week, they even kind of brag on each other, they have 3 kids the youngest is a year old. I’ve asked how she does it and she has said it is hard but she makes time. She sees about 12 to 14 patients in a half day 3 times a week, surgery once a week and a day at the county clinic once a week.

She makes it to every recital and soccer game. When she gets home, she cooks and she typically gets home around 4 or 5 most days.  She and her husband always look like newlyweds even though they are going on 8 years. The kids send videos from home doing cute stuff like coloring or dancing or playing a game. She and her husband are never on call at the same time so when that comes once a month the kids sleep in bed with either parent. Of course, they have conferences to go to on occasion so grandparents may keep the kids if one parent accompanied the other. Her life was my definition of “having it all”.

I believe any child if asked if they could have their mother stay at home would say yes, but I never believed that it was a necessity. I know what the duties of a man are, but when I say it’s easier I’m referring to the fact that he doesn’t have to choose between his passions and curb his ambitions. I’ve never been materialistic, things would not be how I kept my children happy. No one forced me into being a doctor. My mom stayed at home and yes it was great so I know what could come of it I choose to do so, but to find out now that I’m simply not allowed to choose to have both (a career as well as a husband and children) makes me wish that I was born in a time when ignorance was bliss. When women had no rights, no voice, and weren’t allowed to have an education. Women knew what they were allowed to know to keep them in line and didn’t have false hope.

It’s like a carrot has been dangled in front of me my whole life. I’ve always said I wanted 6 kids, 2 boys to protect their 2 younger sisters then adopt two more boys. I have to decide between having a family or being doctor which means a loveless life and eventually dying alone.

Oh, I’m dating an orthopedic surgeon resident too he’s been super supportive, we’ve talked about me staying at home and he said he’d support me no matter what. His mom stayed home too but he also believes that women with carriers are admirable. I never thought that this was part of my salvation, is it really though? As I write this I cry. I cry because I thought I had a plan, I thought that what I was doing was honorable unto God and I’m upset because I thought Psalms 37:4 meant I could have this career as a doctor and also have a family, but I was wrong. Why didn’t God warn me before I took this path, or give me a sign, because now I’m in pain. Does God favor men? Is this a test? Because if it is my body aches with frustration and disappointment.”

My Response to Courtney and other women who face this situation

Courtney – I know the knowledge I have presented from the Scriptures troubles you. You never heard it before.  You want to run from it.  And you could.  You could find 100 different articles on line or Christian books that will tell you that you are perfectly fine to live your life as you planned it before finding out these truths.

But please realize it is not my words that have convicted you, but rather the Word of God. God tells us that the Bible has this spiritual power to convict:

“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”

Hebrews 4:12 (KJV)

As you know from the posts you have read on this site the Scriptures are clear that if a woman is married her top priority, her most important priority is her service to husband, her children and her home.

“4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:4-6 (KJV)

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

I Timothy 5:14 (KJV)

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.”

Proverbs 31:27

 

Proverbs 31 shows us the most detailed example of what God expects from wives and it tell us all the things “she” – the wife does.  Many women have tried to say servant girls could do all these things but the Bible shows her doing these things.  Yes, she may go out of the house to plant a field or buy and sell in the market.  But she never does these things at the expense of her household, but rather she does these things after she makes sure the needs of her household are cared for.

In no way does this picture a woman spending 40 to 50 hours a week away from her home delegating her home duties to others to care for while she was gone.  It also does not even tell us at what point in her life the woman was leaving her house to do these things.  Since we know there is no way a woman can care for her infant and toddler children while at the same time spending many hours and days away from the home each week this tells us her activities outside the home are when her children are older and or perhaps gone and not in need of her care.

In any case, the modern notion of a career woman having a baby and then leaving her infant child with a caretaker (even her husband) while she goes out to pursue a career has no Biblical support whatsoever. Every wife and mother is faced with a choice.  Will she be a full-time career woman and part time wife and mother or will she be a full-time wife and mother as God has called her to be.

Now I want to directly respond to a few statements you made.

Your Statement:

“I never thought that this was part of my salvation, is it really though?”

I wanted to tackle this first as I think it is the most important one to address.

We are not saved based on how we run the different races God has given us to run as men and women. In other words, we are not saved by adhering to Biblical gender roles.  But on that same note, we are not saved by giving to the poor, going to church, giving to our church or obeying God’s moral law in other areas. We are saved by the grace of God.  Many Christians do not run the race “lawfully” as the Bible talks about but instead they make up their own rules of the race and run it the way they want to. Will they lose their salvation? No because if they did then their salvation would be based upon their works and not by God’s grace through faith alone in Christ alone.

But even though it will not cost us our salvation – it will cost us our honor and reward in heaven. So, if you choose the celibate life in service to God as an ophthalmologist you will receive reward and honor from God for the race you ran because you did it lawfully. If you chose to give up your career as an ophthalmologist to marry a man, have six children and serve your family for the rest of your life as a wife and mother you will receive a reward and honor from God at the end of your life.

If, however you chose to change the rules of his race and make your own rules thus trying to have the husband, children and career which will cause you to not be able to fully dedicate yourself to your husband, your children and your home you will as the Scriptures say “shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire”.

 Your Statement:

“I was taught in church that loving God with my mind consisted of striving for academic success because it would bring honor to my family and God, but why say that if it’s not true.”

This false teaching is common in many churches today.  The church has been poisoned by the philosophy of the feminist world around that says a woman’s must have a formal education and a career for her life to have full value. In fact, while you love and respect your mom for staying home to care for you many in this world do not respect stay at home moms anymore.  They are regarded as lazy and ambitious.

But what does the Bible tell us a wife and mother’s greatest ambition was? It was her serving her husband, her children and her home.  It was her service to her family, not her career, that caused her children to bless her and her husband to praise her as the Scriptures tell us:

“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”

Proverbs 31:28 (KJV)

Your Statement:

“One of the doctors that I’ve shadowed is an oculoplastics surgeon and her husband is the head obstetrics in another clinic. They meet for lunch several days out of the week, they even kind of brag on each other, they have 3 kids the youngest is a year old. I’ve asked how she does it and she has said it is hard but she makes time. She sees about 12 to 14 patients in a half day 3 times a week, surgery once a week and a day at the county clinic once a week.

She makes it to every recital and soccer game. When she gets home, she cooks and she typically gets home around 4 or 5 most days.  She and her husband always look like newlyweds even though they are going on 8 years. The kids send videos from home doing cute stuff like coloring or dancing or playing a game. She and her husband are never on call at the same time so when that comes once a month the kids sleep in bed with either parent. Of course, they have conferences to go to on occasion so grandparents may keep the kids if one parent accompanied the other. Her life was my definition of “having it all”.

I realize you may have looked at this couple as the model for the life you want.  But let me break down what is really happening in this dream scenario this couple has painted for you.

Five times a week, sometimes for an entire day and others for half the day or more this woman leaves her most important duties of the home God has given her not because she has to, but because she chose to. Because she wants to.

Also, do you realize that people sometimes paint pictures of their lives for themselves and others that are often not true? I know this to be true with family members I have had that are career women.  They might say they normally cook at home but when you really drill down they may cook once or twice a week at home the vast majority of the time they are ordering carrying out because both they and their husband are too exhausted from their work day to cook.

Often career women are completely zapped for energy when it comes to having sex with their husbands.  When they get home whatever energy they have left is given to the children and their husbands are left with next to nothing. Even what they give to their children is not the best they would have to offer if they did not have a career outside the home.  Do you know how often we find that the couples who appear to have everything in order and are madly in love are just one step away from giving it all up and seeking divorce? It happens all the time.  But they lie to themselves for years telling themselves it is all ok when it is not.

But let’s say that everything this woman has told you is true.  That they truly have this perfect mix of family and career and she gets the best of both worlds working as a doctor and being a wife and mother and there are no real issues in neglecting their marriage or their children.  Even if all this were true it would still be wrong.

While God says “Man goeth forth unto his work and to his labour until the evening.” (Psalm 104:23) he calls on wives to be “keepers at home” (Titus 2:4-6). This paints a stark contrast between the life of a wife and mother and that of her husband and there are more than physical reasons for this.  There is a spiritual reason for this.

This relationship of man going out to work and providing for his wife, leading her and protecting her is a picture of God providing for the needs of his people.

“22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it…

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church

Ephesians 5:22-29 (KJV)

You see it is not just about following the letter of the law, but the spirit of the law. A woman might be able to be like your friend and try and cook meals every day, do laundry and never miss a kids’ soccer game.  She can have sex with her husband regularly and then do her career as well.  But being a husband and wife is not just about checking things off a list so we can go do what we want to do.  It is about modeling the relation of Christ and his Church.

A wife’s dependence on her husband for his leadership, protection and provision creates a beautiful picture for the world to behold. When a wife is less than fully dependent on her husband for his leadership, his protection and his daily provision for her it breaks the model that the Church should be fully dependent on Christ for her spiritual leadership, her protection and her provision.

We live in a sin cursed world that does not always allow us to keep this picture of marriage that God desires for us.  Husbands die, become disabled or take downgrades on their jobs that may force them to have to ask their wife to work for a short period of time or longer. Divorce happens and women have to go and out work.  All of these things break the model of marriage but they may not be the fault of the woman.  She did not choose to have to go and work – this was forced upon her and God understands this.

But for a woman before marriage to purposefully plan that she will not even attempt to keep this model but will go about her own way by making her own model is a direct affront to God’s will and even more so if she knows this is what God’s Word shows.

Your Statement:

“Why didn’t God warn me before I took this path, or give me a sign, because now I’m in pain. Does God favor men? Is this a test? Because if it is my body aches with frustration and disappointment.”

I wonder if Moses had the same thought? God let him live 40 years in ignorance as a Prince of Egypt believing that was the life for him before God put it in his heart that the Israelite slaves were his brethren and he knew the difficult path he had to choose.

I know you are troubled now.  You are hurt by the hard choice you know you must make based upon the Word of God.

But there are other Christians who face heart breaks like yours but for very different reasons.  Below is a fictional story I have written to illustrate such a scenario.

A new Christian learns a painful truth about his life

Robert is a man that was raised by a pair of Lesbian mothers.  They loved him and cared for him his whole life.  While he is a teenager he realizes, he is sexually drawn to men and is a homosexual. As a young man in college he meets a man named Andrew who becomes his lover and eventually Robert marries Andrew.  Robert and Andrew even adopt a baby girl together that they name Anna .

Then he meets a man named John at his work who is a Christian.  Over the next year Robert becomes good friends with John and they often go to lunch together. John talks about his wife and children and Robert talks about his husband Andrew and his daughter Anna. Eventually through various conversations John shares his faith in Christ with Robert.  Robert becomes more and more interested in John’s faith and John begins sharing various Scripture passages about the creation account, how sin entered the world and how God sent Christ to die for the sins of mankind.

Over the course of a few months Robert feels the call of God.  The next day at lunch he is asks his friend at work “I want to become a Christian, I want to be saved.  What must I do to be saved?” and Robert shares with him Romans 10:9 “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”

Robert is so excited as he calls on Christ to save him.  John and Robert embrace and John welcomes him to the body of Christ.  John tells Robert the next step is for him to get baptized, join a local church and engage in his own personal study of the Scriptures to understand God’s moral law and will for his life. John knows that Robert will soon learn a difficult truth about how he is currently living his life.

Robert begins to intensely study the Scriptures as is common for many new Christians. He wants to learn everything he can about God and God’s will for his life. He decides to start out studying the book of Romans, because after all it was Romans 10:9 that taught him how to be saved. So he starts at the beginning with Romans chapter 1 and he comes across this passage:

“24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: 25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;”

Robert cannot believe what he is reading.  He had heard some Christians opposed homosexuality but he thought they were just bigots.  He thought they were just ignorant and prejudiced.  He reasoned to himself “But John never mistreated me because I was a homosexual. He never said anything to me about it. Am I misreading this?” Robert can’t wait for the next day at work during lunch to get the answer to his questions.  He calls his friend Robert and insists they talk.

John agrees and comes over to Roberts house to talk.  Robert shows him the passage from Romans 1 he has just read. Robert says “Is it true? Is my lifestyle a sin against God? Is my relationship with Andrew a sin against God? Was the relationship of the women who raised me a sin against God?”  John replies with a heavy heart to Robert – “Yes”. At this point Robert is overcome with grief and begins to cry. Robert asks John “Do I have to give up Andrew and our family together with Anna to become right with God?” John again answers him – “Yes”.

Robert still weeping asks John “Why did you not tell me this before I came to Christ?” John replies “Because it was not for me to try and clean up your sin before you accepted Christ. Christ died for while were we yet sinners.  He asks us to repent, to acknowledge our sin before him and our need for his salvation.  When you were first saved you asked God to forgive you of the sins you knew – that you had lied or cheated or mistreated others.

But you did not know your homosexual lifestyle was a sin.  After salvation God begins to show us sins in our lives we never knew were there.  His spirit searches us and reveals what is in our hearts.   After we are saved then he does the work of changing our lives and conforming us to his will.  For many Christians, especially those who are saved as adults, this is change can be a painful process.  But God calls us all to progressive sanctification, to daily die to our old sinful natures and to try with the help of the Holy Spirit to be people God called us to be.”

Sometimes God reveals to us some painful truths.  Sometimes he reveals things to us that will cause us to have to make very difficult and painful choices. In the Scriptures God did this with the children of Israel when they sinned by taking foreign wives in Ezra chapter 10. Israelite men literally had to send their foreign wives and children back to the lands they came from.   How heart breaking that must have been.  But it was necessary to make the people right with God in the same way we as Christians must sometimes make painful choices to make ourselves right with God and his will for our lives.

Conclusion

Moses though serves as a model for us in following God’s will for his life by giving up what he thought would be his life in service to a greater purpose that God had for him. Moses wanted to run the race God had for him, not a race of his own making or one based on his own rules. He valued the rewards of heaven over the riches and pleasure of this world. I hope that you will make that same choice.

God only gives you two choices at this point in your life. You can choose to live in celibate service to God as a doctor and as a result give up your dreams of having a husband and children or you can choose to be a wife and mother.  But you cannot do both.

But I believe the passion you have for children and a husband outweighs your passion for medicine and God may have provided you with a man who will allow you to follow God’s will for your life in the home. I believe that if your heart is truly to be the wife and mother God called you to be that one day you will look back over the years you spent loving and serving your husband, your children and your home and the pain of this sacrifice will be forgotten.

A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.

John 16:21 (KJV)

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The Pope calls for Christians to violate God’s first command to mankind

Because of comments that were inappropriately attributed directly to the Pope and not Peter Raven as they should have been I have decided to retract my post as well.

It has been brought my attention that lifesitenews.com has printed this correction of the article I quoted at the begining of this post:
“March 6, 2017 (LifeSiteNews) – On March 3, LifeSite published an article originally titled: “‘Pope Francis has urged us to have fewer children,’ claims Vatican academy member.” That article misquoted botanist and environmentalist Peter Raven, who was reported to have said at a Vatican press conference that, “Pope Francis has urged us to have fewer children to make the world more sustainable.” After reviewing audio recordings of the press conference, LifeSite has amended the story to accurately reflect Raven’s words.

What he actually said was, “We need at some point to have a limited number of people which is why Pope Francis and his three most recent predecessors have always argued that you should not have more children than you can bring up properly.”

https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/correction-vatican-academy-member-misquoted-in-story-on-pope-francis

This however does not change my suspicion of this Pope in regard to his alliance with environmentalism.   It would not surprise me if over time he actually did publicly accept the overpopulation myth.  But to date there is no official evidence it.

I still do not agree that the Pope allowed an avid forced abortion promoter to speak and I do believe the overpopulation ideology had a wide audience at this Vatican summit.  Something the Pope should never have allowed.

Real men DO provide and Real women DO appreciate it

“Real men provide Real women appreciate it” was a simple message posted on a billboard in Forysth County, North Carolina.  60 years ago such a sign would have been lauded by our communities.  But now in our post-feminist culture this message is considered “a sexist comment”.

Molly Grace, a woman who organized opposition to the sign, made this statement:

“The very notion that there should be a man to provide and that no matter what a woman should just plain accept it and appreciate it, is a sexist comment,” said Grace, who is an outspoken critic against the billboard.”

http://myfox8.com/2017/02/28/crowdfunding-to-change-controversial-billboard-in-winston-salem/

She wants the anonymous person who paid for it to be posted to come to a local panel and “explain why they think the way that they do and try to shed some light on it for us”.

Some people thought the anonymous person who posted the sign was targeting men, not women.

“Donald Amos says he likes the sign and said he believes it’s directed toward men who are not fulfilling their promises.

“A lot of times, women have to go on their own and do this and take the role of a man and a women and it’s not right, but it happens and I think men ought to step their game up. Really they ought to and become men again instead of shoulda, coulda, wannabes,” Amos said.”

http://myfox8.com/2017/02/22/real-men-provide-billboard-in-forsyth-county-sparks-controversy/

Perhaps it would have been considered less “sexist” to feminists if the sign had simply read “Real men provide”.  But because the sign implied that real women appreciate men that can provide for them – that cannot be allowed to stand.

Why do some people think that real men should provide and real women should appreciate it?

If you are a person that thinks like Molly let me “shed some light” on this issue for you from the source that some Americans still hold dear and that is the Bible.

The man’s providing role is referenced in multiple passages of the Scriptures.

In Genesis after Adam and Eve sinned God said he would make both Adam and Eve’s primary roles more difficult:

“16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;

19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”

Genesis 3:16-19 (KJV)

Woman would experience great pain now in child birth – one of her most important duties in her help meet role to man. It would not so easy for man to provide for his family, but instead he would have to work hard to get what he needed from the earth.

In addition because of woman’s new sinful nature she would make his other very important role, that of leading the home, much more difficult as she would seek to control him and the home instead of submitting to him as God had designed her to do.

But even though God made the man’s duty of providing and the woman’s duty to give birth more difficult he also provide them both with the gift of joy from the pain they had to endure in their labor:

“A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.”

John 16:21 (KJV)

“There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God.”

Ecclesiastes 2:24 (KJV)

In the Law of Moses a man’s provision for his wife was deemed of such critical importance that if he failed to do so his wife could seek a divorce:

“10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. 11 And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.”

Exodus 21:10-11 (KJV)

The New Testament reaffirms and strengthens the distinct roles of man and woman

The New Testament tells us that a woman’s primary role is to be the bearer of children and the keeper of the home:

 “4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:4-5 (KJV)

God reiterates his call for men to be providers and protectors to their wives in the Epistle to the Ephesians:

“28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:”

Ephesians 5:28-19 (KJV)

Husbands are called by God to provide for the physical needs of their wife as they would the needs of their own body.  They are also called to protect their wife as they would their own body.

Was the Proverbs 31 woman a career woman?

Many Christians have tried to point to Proverbs 31 to show a defense of women having careers outside the home.  There is no doubt that Proverbs 31 shows the woman going out to plant a field or sell in the market.  But here is what people miss.

The Proverbs 31 wife did not leave anything undone in her home so as to go outside the home and provide.  It tells us of her husband “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…” (vs 11) and that she “She looketh well to the ways of her household…”(vs 27).

Proverbs 31 in no way paints the modern career women we see today.  With the schedules that modern career women keep being gone from their home anywhere from 40 to sometimes 50 hours a week there is little to no chance they are also doing 100% of what they should be doing at home.  Their duties to their home will slide or be neglected.

But can’t a woman and her husband just split the roles of provider and the duties of the home?

Well if we want to throw out the duties God has assigned to man and woman as well as then entire picture of marriage with man symbolizing God as the leader, PROVIDER and protector of the woman and woman submitting to her husband and serving him by bearing his children, caring for them and caring for the home then sure – it does not matter and husband and wives can split these roles.

But what if the man can’t work?

Because we live in sin cursed world husbands get sick, get disabled or lose their jobs. Sometimes because we live in sin cursed world unforeseen financial events occur where a man must ask his wife to work to provide additional income for their family to survive.  These are not the kinds of situations we are talking about in this article.  God understands this type of situation.

But what we are talking about here are young couples that marry and PLAN to have the wife be a career woman. We are talking about a man and woman literally agreeing to the fact that she will purposefully not devote herself entirely to her duties to bear children, care for them and care for the home.

These couples actually PLAN to split the duties of husbands and wives between themselves in direct contradiction to God’s design and his commands. There is no excuse for such plans of men and women which go against the very commands of God.

Real men provide

If you are a young man reading this I hope that it will help to show you that our culture has sinned against God in abandoning the gender roles he designed. I hope that you will purpose in your heart that you will not seek marriage to any woman until you can provide for her so that she can dedicate herself fully to the role God has given her as the bearer and nurturer of your future children and the keeper of your future home.

I am not saying you have to be rich when you get married.  Please don’t misunderstand me.  But you should be able to provide a modest life – with food and shelter. You don’t have to provide brand new cars and a big fancy house.  If you can provide for her the basics of life so she can be the homemaker God wants her to be then you are doing what is right before God.

As a young man you should have a plan to further yourself anticipating that as your family grows so too the expenses will grow.  This means that while you may be able to marry based on a certain wage you make – you need to plan on how you will provide more in the future as your family needs it.

And in the future should you ever lose your job – asking your wife to work outside the home should be your last resort. If you have to work two jobs to provide –then you should do so.

Real women appreciate a man who will provide for them

If you are one of these young women that were raised by your parents to be independent and not have to depend on a man you need to throw that thinking out in the trash. Your parents may have felt they were doing right by you and just looking out for you in case you don’t find a husband or in case your husband were to divorce you or die.

Yes because of sin in this world we are not always able to live up to God’s design for men, women and marriage. But we should not plan for the failure of God’s plan in marriage due to sin on our part or that of our spouse or the sinful circumstances of this world.

Instead we should plan for success.

As a young lady your goal should be this very goal given to you directly by God through the Apostle Paul:

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

1 Timothy 5:14 (KJV)

Will you follow the world’s pattern or God’s pattern?

To young men and women.  You must decide before you seek out marriage.  Will you follow the world’s pattern of partnership marriage and gender neutrality when it comes to the roles in your family or will you follow the pattern God has established for men and women?

The Bible tells us not to follow our culture when it conflicts with God’s design:

 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

Romans 12:2 (KJV)

Will you ask God to renew your mind today? To make you the man or woman he has called you to be? To play the role he has called you to? I hope that you will.

And let me tell you something – it will bring peace to your marriage if you follow God’s pattern especially in this area of the man being the provider for the home.

You see God has placed a desire in every man to provide for his woman and his family.  For some men it is buried far beneath years of conditioning by our culture, but make no mistake it is there.  That is why many men cannot marry a woman who makes more than them.  It is not a pride issue, it is a God given man issue.

Its time to blunt about this

Sinful pride and ambition blinds us. When we are ambitious for what God has called us to do as men and women that is a great thing and blessed of God.  So when a young man has career ambitions and ambitions of not only having a family and providing for them but also making his mark on the world that is from God himself and it is good.  When a young woman has ambitions of marrying a godly man that can fully provide for her and her future children and she has ambitions for caring for those children and her home this again is from God and it pleases him.

But what about men that have ambitions to marry a woman who can provide for them as a man so they can care for the home and children? This ambition is a sinful one because it violates God’s design. What about a young man who has ambitions to marry a career woman knowing he will not be able to fully provide and knowing she will not be able to fully dedicate herself to their home as God wills? Again such an ambition is a sinful and selfish ambition.

Let me conclude with this warning to young couples who want to follow the path God has set forth in the Bible.

You have two choices in this life.  You are either called by God to a life of celibacy in his service or you are called to seek out marriage.  There are is no choice in between.  Now notice I said “seek out marriage” because not everyone will find someone to marry. But if we are not given the gift of celibacy, we are called to seek marriage.

To young men:

If you have not been given the call of God to celibacy in his service and you have a desire to seek out marriage then you cannot seek out a career path that will never be able to fully provide for your future family. If your future plans for marriage involve your future wife having to work to help provide then your future plans are WRONG. Perhaps the career path you are thinking about will eventually be able to provide for a family but at first it will not be able to.  Many men pursue apprenticeship jobs in fields that do not make enough to provide for a family but eventually they will. That is ok.  But then you must wait for marriage until your career plans come to fruition and you are able to provide for your wife and future children.

And finally to young men – not only should you be able to provide but you should seek out a Christian woman that wants a man that believes he should be able to provide for her. You want a woman that appreciates this conviction and your desire for yourself and your future wife to follow God’s design for men and women.

In other words – don’t marry a career woman. And you know how to NOT fall in love with and marry a career woman? Don’t date one.

To young women:

If you have not been given the call of God to celibacy in his service and you have a desire to seek out marriage then you must not seek out a career.  It is one thing to work and save money while you are seeking your future husband. In fact this could be a blessing to your future husband. But you must be able to drop whatever work it is you are doing the moment you find the man God has for you so that you can fully dedicate yourself to serving him in the role God has given you as his helper.

There is no sin in you as a young woman going to college while seeking that man that God has for you. But make sure that this will not saddle your husband with great debt.  So that might mean going to a community college where it is more affordable and you can work a part time job and pay off the schooling as you take it. If your parents can pay for a better school while you look than that is fine as well as long as you will not be passing this debt to your future husband.

Your goal whether you go to college or just work a job while looking for him is to come into the marriage with little or no debt or perhaps a small savings from your work that you can bless your husband with as you enter the marriage together.

Seek out a godly man that can also provide for you as God wants every man to do for his wife and children. This is not a matter of “either or” as if you must choose between finding a godly man or a man that can provide for you.  If the man you seek to marry truly understands God’s word and wants to live that out he will not want to marry you until he can provide.

I thank God for whomever anonymously paid for that message board. We will need more of those around our country to stir up this conversation and to help bring people back to the design that God has for men and women.

 

Can we lose our salvation?

There were three men stranded at sea floating with life preservers.  They were all swimming in what they believed was the direction of land. A coast guard helicopter flies over top of them and offers to pull each of the men up to rescue them. A coast guardsman dropped from the helicopter on a strong cable to rescue the first man and while he was down at water level tells all three men of a terrible storm that is coming and warns them that they would all be killed if they do not accept this rescue.

The first man gladly accepted and the coast guardsman tied his strong harness around the man and pulled him to safety without a problem.

The second man also accepted the help but he refused to use the harness of the coast guardsman. He instead insisted on just holding on to the coast guardsman with his own strength as he pulled him up.  Half way up to the chopper the second man lost his grip and let go of the coast guardsmen. But he remained firmly upheld because the coast guardsman had attached his harness to the man without his knowledge.

The coast guardsman then lowered himself down to rescue the third man.  He reaches out to him but the third man refused his help.  He said “I can make it on my own.  I don’t need your help. Look it is sunny – I don’t believe any storm is coming.  I will be fine.” The coast guardsman would not force the man to accept rescue and he left him to the fate he knew was coming.

This is the way it is with our eternal salvation. We must recognize the helpless position we are in and the destruction that awaits us. If we refuse to believe as the third man in this story did and we refuse God’s help we will surely perish.

“16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. 18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” – John 3:16-18 (KJV)

God reaches out to us in love, but he will not force us to accept his salvation. We must freely believe and accept his help. But when we accept his help we must realize that our salvation is 100% dependent on the imputed righteousness of Christ to our account.

“5 But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness. 6 Even as David also describeth the blessedness of the man, unto whom God imputeth righteousness without works,7 Saying, Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered. 8 Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin.” – Romans 4:5-8 (KJV)

We should not be like the second man in this story who believed he needed rescue – but insisted that he had to help with his own rescue.  Even though he thought his rescue was dependent on his own strength in cooperation with that coast guardsman – he found out in his moment of weakness that it was truly the coast guardsman that was holding him the whole time.

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. So, if our salvation was based upon Christ imputing his righteousness to our account and also our own behavior after salvation then what is the “weakest link” in our salvation? It would be our own works! It would make it pointless to have the unbreakable links of Christ’s righteousness if our own behavior could break the chain.

But thanks, be to God that the chain that holds us up is completely 100% made of the perfect righteousness of Christ and not our own imperfect human righteousness which is as “filthy rags”(Isaiah 64:6) compared to God’s righteousness.  Amen!

God will not impute sin to those who have the imputed righteousness of his son therefore we can NEVER lose our salvation.

Why talk about salvation on a gender roles blog?

Even though this blog primarily deals with gender roles and marriage from a Biblical perspective I do get a lot of emails from folks asking about salvation as well and I think it is good from time to time to speak on the most important doctrine that we must believe – otherwise we will not see God.

Some emails are from people who doubt their salvation because of certain sins they continue to struggle with. Others fear losing their salvation if they question any doctrines that their church teaches.

We can be wrong about baptism, communion, church structure and even Biblical gender roles.  We can believe wrong in a lot of areas.  But we must believe the Gospel to be saved! Only through trusting in Christ can we hope to live the life that God wants us all to live.

But doesn’t the doctrine of justification by faith alone encourage sin by Christians?

“8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.” – Ephesians 2:8-9 (KJV)

Some people believe if we teach the scriptural doctrine of salvation by grace through faith alone in Christ alone that we are saying it is ok for Christians to sin with impunity.  Others believe that fear of losing our salvation will help us to live godly lives.  But the Bible tells us it is not fear that should drive us but rather love for Christ:

“14 For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: 15 And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.” 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 (KJV)

We certainly do not believe that a true believer in Christ can live exactly the way he did before his profession of faith. If he saved there will be a change – if there is no change, there is no salvation. The Apostle Paul tells us the mark of a true salvation when he wrote:

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)

Paul also gave these strong admonitions to believers:

“1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? 2 God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?” – Romans 6:1-3 (KJV)

“If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” – Galatians 5:25 (KJV)

Conclusion

I hope that if you have not trusted in Christ today that you will.  Many things I write on this blog about gender roles won’t make sense to you until your trust in Christ and allow him to renew your mind.

But I was really writing this toward some who have recently wrote me emails asking about their eternal security and the relationship of works to salvation.  I hope you will no longer be like the second man in this story who thought he had to help with his own salvation.  Whether you realize it or not you are kept and held by the power of God.

“3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.” 1 Peter 1:3-5 (KJV)