“…all things were created by him, and for him” Colossians 1:16(KJV). All of us, both men and women were made for the glory of God. As a woman, you were also made for another “him”, for your current or future husband, unless you are one of the few women God has called to life of celibacy in his service.
Just as mankind was made for the glory of God, so to you as a woman were made for the glory of man.
“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.”
I Corinthians 11:7(KJV)
“Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
I Corinthians 11:9(KJV)
The fact that you were made for you husband answers all these “why” questions:
Why do I have to submit to him? Because you were made for him.
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Why do I need to follow him if his job moves him to a new city? Because you were made for him.
Why do I have to follow his rules for discipline with our kids, whether they are stricter or more lenient than I would like them to be? Because you were made for him.
Why do I not get an equal say in all decisions of the family? Because you were made for him.
Why do I have to have sex with him even when I don’t feel in the mood? Because you were made for him.
Why do I have to wear the clothes he likes me to wear, or keep my hair the way he likes it? Because you were made for him.
Why do I have to stay home and care for our children? Because you were made for him.
Why do I have to obey him? Because you were made for him.
Why do I have to respect him? Because you were made for him.
Whether you are engaged, a newly wed, or have been married for many years, this principle, that you were made for your husband can and will change the way you approach your marriage. You won’t find yourself fighting for control, or your fair share in the decision making processes of your home, you will instead find peace.
Please don’t misunderstand me, this is not to say a wife should never tell her husband what she thinks, because she should. Proverbs 31:26 tells us the virtuous wife “openeth her mouth with wisdom“, and a husband should be able to listen to his wife’s wisdom. But on the other hand, we all know that there are many instances in the Bible where husband should NOT have listened to his wife. A Godly man will judge his wife’s advice by God’s Word, and by his own judgement and exercise proper leadership.
Happiness is found when we live the way God designed us to. If you go throughout your marriage and you follow the principle that you were made for the glory of God, and God made specifically made you for your husband, I can promise you that you will have a wonderful marriage. This comes straight from our owner’s manual – the Bible.
““Should a wife obey her husband? Be in subjection to him? Should she submit to him
as if he were God? Should a husband have authority over his wife as a master does
over a servant? Should women even reverence their husbands, obeying them, and
calling them Lord? The Bible does command a woman to do all of this, as we will show
from many scriptures! But the modern woman says, “NO!” The feminist movement has
insisted on woman’s equality with man in every respect. Women have invaded fields of
endeavor once given over entirely to men. Women, aided by preachers and reformers,
sought and secured the right to vote and hold office. Many religious denominations
have women preachers. Church work from singing in the choir to financing the church
and doing the Bible teaching is done principally by women. Men sit passively in an
occasional service, help pay the bills, and are politely indifferent as to whether the world
goes to hell or not!”
-Dr. John R. Rice, Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands
I grew up in Baptist Churches hearing preaching exactly like that of Dr. John R. Rice.
Dr. John R. Rice(1895 – 1980)
He saw the softening of gender roles and he called it out for what is it – sin, pure and simple.
He published a book in 1971, called “Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands” and its words could not be more needed today. I don’t agree with everything he taught as I am sure some people agree with some things I teach and disagree with other things I teach. I would not even necessarily agree with everything he wrote in this book. But where he is preaching God’s Word, clear an plain – I say AMEN.
These are some other notable statements Dr. Rice made in this book:
“If women knew and cared about what God expects their attitude to be toward their
husbands they would be much more careful in accepting him, and marriage would last
longer and be happier. God’s word uses stronger language than any man would dare
use of his own choice on the same subject. In fact, God’s language is so strong that
most preachers, in their cowardly submission to modern tendencies, ignore it or explain
it away as fit only for other times or only under ideal circumstances. We preachers must
answer to God for the way we preach his word, so I give you what he says about a
wife’s duty toward her husband.
1. Wives, Submit ‘As Unto the Lord’
Study and scriptures given carefully and remember that the words are God’s words, not
mine, nor any man’s. Ephesians 5:22-25,28, 33 is one of the clearest passages on the
duty of a wife:
‘22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23. For the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the
savior of the body. 24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in everything. 25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ
also loved the church, and gave himself for it;…..28. So ought men to love their wives
as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself……33. Nevertheless let
every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she
reverence her husband.’
Wives should submit themselves to their own husbands ‘as unto the Lord’ (vs. 22). A
woman should obey her husband as if it were the Lord she were obeying, for in truth it
is. That means a cheerful obedience which comes from a loving and an obedient heart.
To obey her husband should be a part of a Christian wife’s religion. She submits to him
‘as unto the Lord.’
2. Wives to ‘Be Subject…in Everything’
Verse 24 quoted above says that ‘as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands IN EVERYTHING.’ It is true that every man, woman and
child, every servant and citizen are to put God first and obey him first. But here the
scripture seems to take for granted that there will never be a case where God will call
upon a wife to disobey her husband. Women are to be subject to their husbands just as
the church is subject to Christ even in everything! A woman is to be subject to her husband even in church and in religious knowledge, as we learn in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.
Wives sometimes think they please God by spending time in routine church work
when their husbands want them to attend to duties at home. I have known numerous
cases where wives sought to give money to the Lord’s cause without the husband’s
consent, sometimes stealing the money from his clothes to tithe. This was wrong
according to Numbers 30:13-15.
If the husband forbids it, he is responsible, not she.
Wives are to be subject to their own husbands in everything, says the word of God. In
her body the wife is to be subject to her husband, even as she is to have the freedom of
his body (1 Cor 7:35).
A wife is to be subject to her husband in the way she directs the
house, spends the money committed to her, controls the children, the way she dresses,
the company she keeps in everything.”
This message needs to be read by every Preacher and Priest in this country and our churches need to once again start preaching the Word of God in regarding one his most important teaches, the doctrines of Biblical manhood and Biblical womanhood.
Every husband and wife need to read God’s Word, and accept it and live by it. Only by following God’s design for men and women can we truly find peace.
A larger excerpt of his book can be found at this here
In the previous post, we established the fact that there are masculine women and feminine men. But does God care if a man acts more feminine and woman acts more masculine? Does God care if a man is passive and would rather his wife lead his family? Does God care if a woman is more aggressive and assertive, or if she would rather be fighting on the battlefield then cooking for her family in the kitchen?
The answer is YES. God talks about gender issues all over the Bible. The genders are not made by accident, they were made by design.
The reality is no matter how feminine a man you may be, you are still a MAN.
No matter how masculine you may be as a woman, you are still a WOMAN.
God cares about how men and women dress
The Bible addresses the issue of women and men wearing different clothes:
“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.”
It is interesting that God did not take cross dressing lightly, God calls it an “abomination” for a man to dress like a woman, or for a woman to dress like a man. The churches would do well to take this more seriously than we do in our modern unisex society.
God does condemns men dressing or acting as women or being homosexuals
I am not in any way saying that just because a woman has some masculine qualities or a man has some feminine qualities that they will automatically be drawn to cross gender behavior or homosexuality. But in extreme cases where a man is extremely feminine or a woman is extremely masculine this is often a much greater temptation.
“9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”
I Corinthians 6:9-11(NASB)
Let me also be clear after quoting I Corinthians 6 that being effeminate or a homosexual is one of many sins Christians may be tempted to do. It does not make you any less of a sinner if you are tempted to commit fornication or adultery, than to dress feminine or commit homosexual acts. We have a choice to fight our sinful nature or not fight it.
God wants men to lead, protect and provide for their wives and children
Whether a man feels assertive, or like a leader, God calls him to lead, protect and provide for his home.
“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”
I Corinthians 16:13
“…fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.”
Nehemiah 4:14 (NASB)
“For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church…”
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
I Timothy 5:8(NASB)
“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children…”
“House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers…”
God calls women to help their husbands, bare children and keep the home
Whether you as a woman feel like being Betty Crocker or not, God has called you to the most sacred duty of being a help meet to your husband, the barer of his children and the keeper of his home.
“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”
I Timothy 5:13-15(KJV)
“…teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
“She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.”
Women are to be respectful of the authority of men, and are not to be in dominate positions over men
Some women have a more dominate spirit about them, but that spirit by be channeled and conformed to God’s design for them as women. Women can lead and teach other women, and they can lead and teach their children. So if a woman is opinionated and strong-willed, this is where her abilities must be channeled to.
My daughter loves to write, and I hope she will use that someday perhaps in writing a Christian woman’s blog. There are many ways women can use their talents and abilities, but they must always make sure they are conforming to design God has made for them.
But the Bible is clear, that no matter how masculine a woman may be, she is never allowed to dominate men, and especially not her husband. Her spirit around men and her husband should be one of gentleness, quietness and respectfulness.
“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.”
I Corinthians 11:3(NASB)
“But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.”
I Timothy 2:12(NASB)
“…the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands… Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”
I Peter 3:1 & 3-4(NASB)
But why did God make me this way?
This is the inevitable question I have heard many times on many forums when the discussion of gender roles and femininity in men or masculinity in women is raised.
God originally designed man with a certain kind of nature. He designed him with a mind and body to lead, protect and provide. Anything that is in a man that is contrary to these traits is a corruption of our original God given design, the Bible tells us we are corrupted because of sin.
This does not mean that all sensitivity in man is a bad thing. Kind David was one of the manliest men in the Bible, yet he wrote and played some of the most beautiful music and poetry ever written. But this same sensitive musician, went out and killed the Giant Goliath for insulting his God and then cut his head off.
A man being more sensitive may help in a role as counselor or jobs that require a lot of creativity. So some feminine qualities in a man are not necessarily a bad thing. But the same qualities that make a man good at his job, make present him with challenges in his marriage and home life if he becomes passive and unambitious. A Christian man needs to recognize this and ask God for help in being the man in his home that he needs to be.
In the same way, the qualities of being ambitious and assertive may help a woman in teaching Sunday school or heading up a ladies group at church, or even writing a book or blog,. These qualities may even help her in teaching and disciplining her children, but being ambitious and assertive where she attempts to usurp her husband’s authority would be a misuse of these tendencies.
There is nothing wrong with a woman being competitive as she plays for the church ladies softball team, but her competitiveness may become a problem if she begins to compete with her husband for authority or control in her marriage. Such a woman needs to pray for God to channel her ambitiousness, assertiveness and competiveness in areas that do not violate God’s boundaries and God’s design.
Conclusion of Masculine women and Feminine Men Part 2
In this final part of my two part series on Masculine women and Feminine men we established that God does indeed care about there be a difference between the sexes, both in clothing and behavior.
Women are to be quite and gentle with men, and to have a submissive spirit about them. This gentleness, quietness and submissiveness is essence of femininity according to the Bible. While the statement is often derided in our modern culture, the Bible is clear that woman’s place is in the home. This does not mean she never leaves the home to do shopping or even perhaps run a business out of her home as the Proverbs 31 wife did. But everything she does, focuses back on the fact that God created her for her husband, her children and her home.
Men need to be assertive and ambitious, they need to lead and “act like men” as the Bible calls them to. In his home a man needs to take charge, and set the tone of his family. His leadership is to be firm, but loving just as God’s leadership is firm but loving to us. The father should instruct his wife and children in the ways of God’s Word. He is to provide for his wife the things she needs to make a home for him and his children. He should leave his children and inheritance. Everything he does should focus on how God would have him to lead, protect, provide for and ultimately love his wife and children.
To deny that there are masculine women and feminine men would be like denying there are ever cool days in the summer and warm days in the winter. We do not generally associate coolness with summer, or warmness with winter, but these things happen regardless.
But It would also be a mistake to say there are no such things a masculine and feminine qualities, this is something many feminists and egalitarians are trying to do today. That would be the same as saying that most winter days are not cold and most summers are days are not hot. Genders do have normal behaviors.
It is a biological lie to deny the existence of masculine and feminine traits.
Masculinity and Femininity Defined
There are some traits that have been identified with masculinity and femininity since the dawn of civilization.
Masculine physical traits – taller and larger body builds, more muscular, deeper voices, thicker and more body hair, tougher skin, thicker eyebrows and facial hair.
Masculine behavioral traits – Aggressive, assertive, ambitious, courageous, competitive, logical and analytical. More prone to acting, then talking.
Female physical traits – shorter and smaller body builds, little muscle, higher voices, thinner and less body hair, softer skin, thinner eyebrows and no facial hair.
Female behavioral traits – Passive, submissive, cautious, cooperative, emotional and more empathetic. More prone to talking, then acting.
Masculine and Feminine Clothing– While clothing styles have changed over the last few thousand years, the concept of men and women wearing clothing that would distinguish their gender is as old as creation.
Whether it was in ancient Egypt, or the Assyrian Empire, or even among the Greeks and the Romans there was always “masculine” clothing and “feminine” clothing. Sometimes the differences were very pronounced and other times they were more subtle, but the differences were always there.
There was a time after Western civilization moved from tunics and robes to pants and dresses that men wore only pants (except for clergy and governing officials’ still wearing robes) and women wore only dresses. In the last century it has become socially acceptable for women to wear pants, but women’s pants are still cut and made different than men’s.
Women actually have a much broader range of acceptable clothing than men in Western culture where they can wear a dress one day, and the next day they can wear pants. It is not generally accepted in Western culture for men to wear dresses or skirts, or women’s pants and shirts. One notable exception to the “no skirts” rule for men would be the Scottish Kilt. But the Scotsmen still get teased about that to this very day.
As far as colors go, women also have a broader range of acceptable colors. While a woman can wear darker colors and softer pastels, men who wear lighter and softer pastel colors are generally perceived as wearing more feminine clothing(especially by other men). The feminist movement over the last 50 years has tried to make it more acceptable for men to wear soft pastel colors in a broader attempt to feminize society.
So with masculinity and femininity defined lets delve into how this impacts masculine women and feminine men.
Degrees of Masculinity and Femininity
Once we acknowledge the fact that there are masculine women and feminine men we must then recognize that there are varying degrees of masculinity and varying degrees of femininity. For instance a man may be very manly in 90% of his physical and behavioral traits, but there may be a small amount of feminine behavior or physical traits in one area of his life.
The same could be said of a woman, where for the most part she is extremely feminine, but there may be some small part of her that is more masculine (whether it is in behavior or physical attributes). Let me give some examples to illustrate what I am saying:
There are some beautiful and extremely feminine women who are extremely competitive. Maybe they like to play sports, it would be mistake to call that type of woman a masculine woman just because she gets a little competitive on the softball field.
There are some men that look very manly, big muscular and hairy, but the minute they open their mouth you hear a high, soft sounding voice. Just because a man’s voice sounds more feminine, does not make him a feminine man.
What does a Masculine woman look like?
A masculine woman is a woman that has several masculine traits, not just some minor masculine issues. For instance maybe a woman is built more like a man. Perhaps she has boxy hips (as opposed to round) and she has big broad shoulders like a man and she is more naturally muscular. At least from a physical perspective, this type of woman would be considered more masculine.
Then there are women who are more masculine in their behavior. Masculine women are generally more aggressive, assertive, competitive and less emotional and empathetic than the average woman.
Masculine women may or may not care about their appearance as a woman. I have worked with many woman in business and I can honestly say I have seen both. I have seen some masculine women, that dress beautifully and in a very feminine way, but the moment they open their mouth and when they get with a group of men they might as well be a man.
Then you have the masculine women who are not only masculine in their behavior, but they even try to dress like men and they don’t care about their looks or try to distinguish themselves cosmetically as a woman.
You will notice I put a picture of female combat soldier on the picture introducing this post. Might this woman be feminine in many ways? Certainly. But I have yet to meet or see a female solider on TV that you would say is a very feminine woman. At best female soldiers are only moderately feminine in their behavior.
What does a feminine man look like?
I know I put a man dancing on the picture introducing this post, but it was not meant to say all men who can dance are feminine men. I have watched enough dancing shows with my wife to know there are some manly men who dance. However many male dancers are in fact feminine men, this is just a reality.
Just like with women, there are men that may be more feminine in physical traits like being shorter, smaller, softer and less muscular.
But there are also men that may look very manly from a physical perspective, but behaviorally they are very feminine in that they are cooperative as opposed to competitive, they are more emotional and empathetic and they are generally more passive.
Sources of Feminine behavior in men and Masculine behavior in women
Obviously if a man has physically feminine features or a woman has masculine physical features this is purely genetic (unless they had sex change surgery of course).
Even feminine behavior in men and masculine behavior in women may completely come from genetics.
But we must also acknowledge that parents, and environment can definitely play a part in shaping feminine behavior in men and masculine behavior in women. Some girls may have been raised as tom boys by their Dads because he never had a son. Other girls may have been the only girl surrounded by brothers and that helped them to become more masculine in their behavior.
Still some men may have been emasculated by their mothers, or had their masculinity ridiculed.
The point is – feminine behavior in men and masculine behavior in women can come from genetics or environment or a combination of both.
Conclusion of Masculine women and Feminine Men Part 1
In this first part of this series, I just wanted to lay the ground work for a discussion about this issue. I wanted first and foremost to acknowledge that there are in fact feminine men and masculine women. There are many varying degrees of masculinity and femininity as well.
We also discussed that the sources of feminine behavior in men or masculine behavior in women may be purely genetic or they may be as a result of environmental conditioning.
I know you are asking the question – so what? Our modern world says if a man wants to act (or even dress like a woman) that is perfectly fine. It also tells women if they want to act and dress as men that is fine too. But how does God feel about this? Has he addressed this in his Word?
In the next post in this series I will answer these questions from a Biblical Christian perspective.
On August 18th 1920, the ratification of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution forever changed the course of the American nation. This amendment giving women the right to vote, began the process of the feminization of America. America was not the first nation to give women the right to vote, but it was one of the most influential world powers to do so. The system of patriarchy that had served the world since the beginning of creation, was now being taken down in favor of a grand new experiment.
It was not something that happened overnight. It took over forty years from the time Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton drafted the amendment in 1878 for it to be finally ratified in 1920. It was passed under immense pressure from women’s groups and the pressuring of men to give women “fair” and “just” treatment.
I believe if you could go back and show the men who voted to give women the right to vote how their vote affected our nation over the next century, the amendment would have been massively defeated.
Feminism will eventually end in of one of two ways
Previously I wrote a post about how Fathers can save our families from feminism. I believe this is one of two ways feminism in America and Western Civilization will end. Fathers teaching their daughters to reject feminist ideals and to embrace their God given roles as wives and mothers would certainly be the less painful way that feminism will end. But if Fathers do not step in and lead, and teach their daughters what is right, a more painful end to feminism will occur.
Emotion verses Logic
While there are more emotional men, and more logical women, the reality is most men are more logical and most women are more emotional. Most men tend to think with their heads first, and their hearts second. On the other hand, most women tend to think with their hearts first and their heads second.
But in the end logic always beats emotion. Emotion may seem to triumph over logic for a period, perhaps even for decades or centuries. But eventually logic prevails.
Emotion says if, we as a nation are nice to our enemies, and we lower our defenses, or withdraw, they will leave us alone.
Logic says an enemy does not want to fight with a nation they cannot beat. So having a larger military, and more advanced weapons actually promotes peace.
Emotion says if we as a nation deal gently and proportionally with our enemies, then they will appreciate the merciful treatment and stop seeing us as enemies.
Logic says if you crush your enemies with overwhelming force, they will think twice before opposing your interests.
Emotion says if you have a more diverse culture (with different languages, religious beliefs and value systems), you will have a better culture.
Logic says if you have a more diverse culture, you will have a more divided culture and a weaker nation. Logic does not say everyone must think exactly the same on all issues, but the more similar the people are to one another in their religious beliefs, their language and value systems, the more unified the nation will be.
Emotion says if you are softer and gentler toward criminals, you will have less crime.
Logic says if you are harder on crime, and give harsher punishments then you will deter crime.
Emotion says you should not have a gun in your home, because you might use it in the wrong circumstance or hurt your spouse. Your child might find it and get hurt, or you might react wrongly and kill someone with it.
Logic says when criminals know that every home in a neighborhood is armed, with citizens who are willing to use these weapons, crime goes down because these criminals don’t want to be shot in the face as they try to enter someone’s home.
Emotion says we as a nation cannot let anyone starve.
Logic says if a man does not work, he does not eat. If we as a nation continue to give people unending government assistance we will create a larger and larger segment of the population that is dependent on the other segment. Eventually the boat will tip over.
Emotion says every person, man, woman or child should be able to choose to do whatever makes them happy.
Logic says each person should do what they are biologically designed to do. If they are a man, they are designed to lead, protect and provide for women and children. If they are a woman, they are designed to bear children, feed those children and nurture those children into healthy adults.
Emotion says men and women should not have to marry, but should be able to have casual sex and just live together.
Logic says the best relationship is a committed relationship within the institution of marriage, where both the man and woman have clearly defined roles. The security of marriage provides security to a nation and a civilization.
Emotion says women don’t have to have children, it is their choice.
Logic says the most critical and important role women play in civilization is the bearing and raising of children. If women don’t have children (at least 3 children per woman to make up for women who cannot have children) then eventually the human race will become extinct. If those children are not given the nurturing care of a loving mother they are more likely to get into crime, or be less productive and more dependent citizens that will way down on the resources of the nation.
If we as a nation, and as Western civilization, keep following emotion eventually Western civilization will fall. The reason our civilization will fall is because of the feminization of the West. It is because we think more with our hearts, than with our heads.
It is because we won’t protect our language, borders and culture, for fear of offending others.
It is because we won’t protect marriage from easy divorce because we don’t want to make two people live together who don’t have feelings for each other anymore.
It is because we won’t make women stay home, bear and raise the next generation of young people for fear we are being unfair to women.
It is because we won’t be tough on crime.
It is because we won’t be tough on government corruption.
It is because we are unwilling to crush our enemies with overwhelming force and fight to protect our interests.
It is because we are unwilling to let lazy people starve and go homeless.
It is because we continually take what people have earned, and it give it to people who have not earned it all in a futile attempt to eliminate differences in income and economic classes (which will never happen).
It is because we continue to spend more than we have, both as individuals and families, and as a nation.
It is because we are willing to kill the innocent (the unborn), but unwilling to kill the guilty.
In the end though, Feminism will not survive. If we cannot turn around our society the easier way through the influence of fathers teaching their daughters what is right, and teaching our young men to reject feminist women when they look for wives, then eventually western civilization will collapse, and with it feminism.
Then a new society will form, built on the ashes of the old, and mankind will have learned that the greatest mistake it ever made was giving women the right to vote and by extension allowing the feminization of society.
There are typically three things that most people in the western world would believe are required for marriage:
Love(feelings of love)
A willingness to make a serious commitment
From a Christian perspective (as well as many other non-western and non-Christian perspectives) only a commitment to the institution of marriage is required.
For thousands of years, and even today there are many outside of western nations that have marriages arranged by their parents. Often times they meet their spouse only a week or two ahead of when they are married. In western culture many despise these types of marriages as dull or unemotional. But if you talk to these couples, they often have much stronger marriages than we do in the west, and they have a tiny fraction of our divorce rates here in the United States.
I am not saying that looking to be attracted to a person is wrong. I wanted to be attracted to my wife before I married her and I definitely was. I also had feelings of love and attachment to her before I proposed. But in God’s eyes, the only thing that was required of her and I was a commitment before God to the covenant of marriage, anything more than that was simply icing on the marriage cake.
The reason I say this is, for many marriages the attraction, as well as the feelings of love may fade over time. God never expects us to keep our physical attraction to our spouse, or to keep our feelings of love to our spouse.
But someone might say – “Wait a minute! The Bible commands in many places that husbands and wives are to love one another”. That is absolutely a true statement. But the love the Bible is describing is love that is made up of actions, not feelings.
I am not commanded to feel an emotional attachment to my wife, I am commanded to take actions of love toward my wife. I wrote about the 12 attributes of Biblical marital love and you can read them here.
I am not commanded to feel attracted to my wife either, only to love her with the actions of love God has defined for a husband and wife.
Let me explain more of what I am saying by defining the sources of love.
The three sources of Love
Family, or instinctual love(Storge) – Most human beings have an instinctual love toward their parents and their children. There are some exceptions as in the case where a parent abuses a child and that child may have no love left for their parent, but in most cases love happens instinctually between parents and children.
Emotional, or Friendship love(Philia) – This is love based on either romantic feelings between a man and woman, feelings of infatuation, or love that is based on common interests. This kind of love is almost 100% based on how much each person puts into the relationship, whether it is a same sex friendship, a dating relationship, or a marriage.
Unconditional love(Agape) – This is a love that is based on a choice, a commitment to love someone no matter what they do. This is the kind of love we are told that God has toward his children (those who trust in his Son). This is highest form of love, because it not based on feelings, or anything that the recipient of this love has done.
God commands husbands and wives to have an unconditional love(Agape) toward one another in the covenant of marriage.
What this means on a practical level is, I am supposed to be patient and kind to my wife no matter what she does. My wife is supposed to protect my reputation and honor me, and I her, regardless of whether we feel an emotional attachment to one another, or attraction to one another.
Marital love is not earned, but emotional love(philia) and attraction are earned
I say everything I have said up to this point to present this extremely important principle for those who are engaged, newlyweds or couples that have been married for a long time.
Many people, both men and women, think that part of unconditional love is the fact that their mate is required to unconditionally feel an emotional attachment to them and also be attracted to them no matter what they do.
You cannot control your emotional attachments, or you whom you are attracted to, you can only control what you do with those feelings and attractions.
But I want my spouse to feel an emotional attachment to me and be attracted to me!
You want your spouse to be attracted to you? You want your spouse to miss you when you are gone and truly want to be around you, not just out of a sense of duty, but also because of how they feel about you?
Make yourself attractive, give them a reason to feel love for you, not just show love out of duty. Make them miss you because of how wonderful you are to be around.
Things that erode attraction and emotional attachment between a husband and wife
Criticism is perhaps the greatest killer of attraction. Every critical word that comes out of your mouth toward your spouse erodes at their attraction to you. Any time your correct your spouse, or tell them they are wrong, or doing something wrong you erode the attraction they have to you.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are times we need to speak the truth in love to our spouses about wrong things they have done. But we should be extremely choosy about when we do this.
Moodiness is another killer of attraction and emotional love as well. Maybe you don’t criticize your spouse much, but you have a frown on your face half of the time. Happiness and contentment are attractive, moodiness and negativity are very unattractive.
Complaining never builds attraction. Yes we all complain at times, but if we have a constantly complaining spirit, this is not an attractive quality. You may not be criticizing or complaining about your spouse, but simply the act of complaining all the time is very unattractive.
Physical appearance – yes physical appearance still matters after you get married, not just before you get married.
Guys – are you shaving and showering on a regular basis? Did you forget where your deodorant or cologne are? If you are not caring for your physical appearance, this can erode attraction and emotional attachment.
Ladies – do you spend most of your time in sweats and tea shirts? Do you ever wear sexy clothes and care about your appearance the way you did when you were dating? Did you forget where your perfume was? If you are not caring for your physical appearance, this can erode attraction and emotional attachment.
But I have tried all these things, but still my spouse is unresponsive!
This is a topic that requires its own post which hopefully I will have something on shortly. For now I will just say it is possible to be married to a spouse that is emotionally stinted (and yes this applies to both men and women). It is also possible to be married to a person that is so self-absorbed, or so overwhelmed by their own emotional issues(such as anger, depression, moodiness, health issues, job issues) that no matter what you do to cultivate attraction and emotional love they will never or rarely respond in a meaningful way. I will address this situation in a separate post.
Each man and woman are different in what they consider to be attractive and what builds emotional attachment for them. You don’t have to earn your spouse’s love in the unconditional, commitment sense of the word. God expects that no matter what, and that keeps marriages together.
But the conditional love, the emotional love,the attraction love, the love that is based on actions and appearance makes marriage much more than a duty, it makes marriage fun and enjoyable.
So you if you want your spouse to love you in the emotional sense, to be attracted to you and to miss you when you are not together – it is all up to you! Ask yourself what you have done and what you are doing to build that attraction and emotional connection. It won’t just happen, it requires intentional action.
Before I get into the 12 required attributes of marital love, I want to talk about the two types of love which can exist within marriage. Both types of love are good to have in a marriage, but only one can form the lasting foundation for marriage, while the other may come and go.
The Bible speaks of three types of love in the context of marriage:
Sexual love(Eros) – This is a love based on sexual attraction. It is the initial driving force for most men seeking out women for marriage. A woman may be sexually attracted to a man as well before marriage or she may grow to be sexually attracted to him after marriage. The Bible has entire book dedicated to this type of love, the Song of Solomon.
Emotional, or Friendship love(Phileo) – This is love based on either romantic feelings between a man and woman, feelings of infatuation, or love that is based on common interests. This kind of love is almost 100% based on how much each person puts into the relationship, whether it is a same sex friendship, a dating relationship, or a marriage.
Choice love(Agape) – This love is not based on feelings toward one’s spouse, and it is not based on sexual attraction toward one’s spouse. Instead it is based in the choice a person made when they entered into a covenant of marriage with their spouse. In choosing to enter into that covenant, they have committed to performing certain actions toward their spouse regardless of their feelings or sexual attraction at any given future time. This is why in addition to calling Agape a “choice love”, it is also a “commitment love” and an “action love”.
In the context of marriage, when you made your wedding vows and vowed to love your spouse in good times and in bad, in sickness and health, till death do you part – you were vowing to love them with Agape love(choice love, apart from feelings). You probably were motivated to vow Agape love to them out of the Philia love you had which is based on feelings of friendship and romance.
Philia love is not bad, but it can become bad if that is the only foundation for a marriage, for it will not always be there. It comes and goes. But Agape is always there, because it is not based on feelings, but a commitment made to God.
The foundation of marital love is not Philia (friendship or romantic) love
I say all this as to say that the 12 attributes of marital love I am going to talk about are based in Agape love(choice love), and not feelings. We do things whether our spouse makes us feel loved or not. We do these things whether we are fond of our spouse at a given moment or not.
Biblically speaking marriage is defined as the union of a man and woman who make a covenant before God to fulfill their God given duties to one another in marriage. One of the duties God calls them to is to have marital love toward one another. In many ways marital love is not much different than any other love we should have for our friends, family or for the general population of the world around us. After sharing this list though, I will point out some of the features that distinguish marital love from all other types of love.
BIBLICAL MARITAL AGAPE LOVE IS…
GIVING my body to my spouse to meet their sexual needs.
PATIENCE toward my spouse in regard to their faults.
KINDNESS toward my spouse in words and actions. It is kindness in caring for the physical needs of my spouse whether in taking care of them when they are sick, making sure they are feed, or meeting their sexual needs.
SACRIFICING my own well-being for the sake of my spouse’s well-being.
HONORING my spouse’s God given gender role in our marriage.
FORGIVING my spouse for the offenses they commit against me.
TRUTHFUL with my spouse. This does not mean brutal honesty – you know the old line “do I look fat in this dress?”. It does not mean we have to say every thought that comes into our mind, or how we feel about every given situation. But what it does mean is not telling lies to hide our sin from our spouse. It also means that sometimes we have to do as the Bible says and “speak the truth in love” to our spouse when we believe they are acting sinfully, as love does not rejoice in evil.
PROTECTING my spouse’s person and reputation.
TRUSTING that my spouse has my best interests at heart and in the absence of evidence to the contrary believing what my spouse tells me about events that may have occurred.
HOPING in my spouse’s abilities, even when they seem to lack in a certain area. It always keeps hope that they will succeed or that they will improve. This is an encouraging type of hope that encourages our spouse in whatever they set out to do.
ENDURING through arguments or disagreements, health problems and physical changes to mine or my spouse’s body. It endures through job loss, economic status changes or changes in housing.
CONSTANT, because it is based on a conscious life choice, and not upon my feelings towards my spouse at any given moment.
The twelve actions of marital love I have just stated are all clearly supported in the Scriptures I will show below.
Today we have all kinds of marriage books, both Christian and non-Christian alike trying to define what Biblical love is, especially as it relates to marriage. While some of them point to these very same passages I will reference, often times they either leave out parts of the Biblical definition of marital love, or more often than not they add a lot of things the Bible does not.
I think that any of us reading this list, if we are honest with ourselves will see it as very convicting. We will be convicted even more so when we read it from the very Word of God. I can see my own failures to live up to this high standard God has for marital love.
But God understands we are sinful beings and that we are but dust. What he asks of me and you is that we aspire to these principles, to grow and better ourselves according to standard he has set, not the standards of our ungodly world. When we fail to meet these standards, he asks us to humble ourselves, and ask his forgiveness, as well as our spouse if we have failed them in any of these principles.
One other thing I want to mention, I am not saying the above list is an exhaustive list of all the Biblical duties involved in marriage, because it is not. This is the Biblical definition of the love we are required to have, love as a set of attitudes and actions that should flow through all the other duties of marriage that I have not mentioned here.
Biblical references that form the foundation for the twelve actions of marital love
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails…
I Corinthians 13:4-8(NIV)
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time…
I Corinthians 7:3-5(NIV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
I Peter 3:7(KJV)
So what distinguishes marital love from other types of love?
If you were to look at many of the attributes of love I gave – especially the ones based on I Corinthians 13:4-8 you could easily see that many of these attributes apply to other relationships besides marriage. They could apply to friendships or even the parent-child relationship. But here I am trying to apply I Corinthians 13:4-8, a passage not specifically about marital love, to marriage because God calls for agape love in marriage.
“34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
The reason I bring up Matthew 22, is because the concept of a man loving his wife as he loves himself is not new, or even exclusive to marital love. As Christians, we are to love all people around us, as we love ourselves.
The key in understanding the distinctiveness of marital love is found in Ephesians chapter 5.
“29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherishethit, even as the Lord the church”
There are two key words in verse 29 that help us begin to distinguish the love God want’s between a husband and wife, and all other types of love. The Greek word Ektrepho here translated in English as “nourish” here has to do with “feeding to bring to maturity”. The second Greek word Thalpo translated as “cherisheth” originally referred to a mother bird “keeping warm” her eggs as she sat on them. This Greek word later came to mean “foster with tender care”, but it has the same idea.
So in its most literal sense Ephesians 5:29 is saying that just as mother bird warms her eggs and then feeds her babies and brings them to maturity this is like what Christ does for his church in caring for her physical and spiritual needs and bringing her to maturity.
When taken in the complete context of Ephesians 5, just as Christ brings the church to spiritual maturity and tenderly cares for her spiritual and physical needs, so too husbands are to care for the physical and spiritual needs of their wives and bring them to spiritual maturity.
But this is only the first part of the distinctiveness of marital love found in Ephesians 5, the most profound distinctive characteristic of marital love is found in verse 31:
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
The physical union of a man to his wife, the sexual union, is the most distinguishing characteristic of marital love. This is why often times, sex is referred to as the “the act of marriage”.
Think about it – go through all twelve points I list above and you could have all but one of those with a friend who is the same sex. Even the honoring portion, while it would apply differently in marriage, than in friendship, can also apply to friendship.
The one point that exists only within marital love is the giving of the body that takes place between a husband and a wife within marriage.
But just as with loving our neighbor as our self, so too the “one flesh” proposition can occur outside of marriage:
“What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. “
I Corinthians 6:16(KJV)
Right now I realize some of you are scratching your heads. How can “one flesh” occur in marriage and also outside of marriage between a man and a prostitute?
The answer is simple – “one flesh” in it’s most literal sense refers to one thing that both a man and his wife can do, and a man a prostitute can do, and that is have sexual intercourse. Now does the Bible’s “one flesh” principle extend beyond the physical act of sexual relations? I believe the answer is yes according to the words of Christ.
“4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Matthew 19:4-6 (KJV)
The key phrase in Christ’s statement on marriage is “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh”. Once a man and woman marry – God looks at them as single unit that should never be separated by man aside for a few exceptions that God gives.
In marriage a man and woman should be united on all three levels – spiritually, emotionally and physically.
Now all Christians and even many non-Christians would agree with the statement I just said above about the need for a husband and wife to be united on all these levels in marriage. But the disagreement comes in HOW a man and woman are to be united in these three ways.
How can a man and woman truly be one in marriage?
We see it all the time with engaged couples or newly weds. They seem to be so united and so in sync with one another. They often finish each others sentences and they rarely if ever fight. But for anyone who has been married for long length of time we can all tell you that the unity of marriage when the relationship is new is based on one thing and one thing alone folks – good old fashion hormones.
It is kind of humorous to see this with newlyweds. Often times newlyweds are insistent that their unity will never change – and that it will be exactly as it is when their marriage is new for the rest of the marriage. I have to hold back the chuckles every time I hear a newlywed couple say this with such sincerity in their hearts. I said this before and I will say it again – new love between a man and a woman is an emotionally and hormonally driven love which produces a type of temporary insanity especially in men.
After a time whether it be six months or a year this hormonally based love eventually comes to an end and the real mature and lasting love in marriage can begin to be built.
The world and even many Christian teachers today will tell you that unity and oneness in marriage comes down to one word and that word is compromise. They say a husband and wife must talk out each life issue whether it be about what church the couple will attend, their career ambitions, how they will raise their children, finances or other important areas of life and compromise on their differences and come to a consensus. There is no leader and no follower in this type of union, but it is instead a partnership of equals.
The Bible however presents a very different way in which a husband and a wife are to become one in marriage.
“23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Ephesians 5:23-24 (KJV)
In Biblical marriage the way a man and wife become one is the same way the church becomes one with Christ. He leads and she follows. As Church is mold itself around the wishes and leadership of Christ so too a wife is to mold herself to the wishes and leading of her husband.
So while the world and many Christian teachers today teach that compromise is the key to unity and oneness in marriage – the Bible teaches that conformityrather than compromise is the key to oneness in marriage. In Christian marriage – the man conforms his will to God’s will and the wife conforms her will to her husband’s will.
Sadly many Christian marriages today are built on compromise rather than conformity and the truth is that men and women are equally to blame for this sad state of affairs. Women are to blame because they emotionally badger their husbands into compromising with them on important affairs of the home even when he believes God would have their family do things differently. Men on the other hand are to blame for not standing up as men of God and choosing to conform to the will of God rather than compromise what they know to be right for the sake of peace with their wives.
I am not saying that a husband cannot hear advice from his wife and take it. Or that marriage erases a woman’s unique identity because it does not. God made all of us as individuals unique and he even made each one of his local churches unique. No two people or two churches are exactly alike. But when it comes to the important matters of life especially in the areas of faith, child rearing and teaching and finances a wife is to mold herself to the pattern of her husband. I will talk more about the Biblical concept of marital unity in another post.
Summary of what Biblical Marital Love is
Just like other types of Biblical love, the truest form of love is one that is based on choice and actions, not on feelings and instincts.
I don’t just have to be kind to my wife when I feel like it, I should be kind to my wife even when I don’t feel like it. My wife needs to be patient with me and trust me even when she does not feel like being patient with me and trusting me.
The Biblical marital love that husbands and wives are supposed to have, and the love we are to have toward friends, family and even strangers have many common attributes.
But Biblical marital love is distinct from all other loves in that it calls on a husband and wife to model their love for one another after the love between Christ and his church. The wife places her dependence upon her husband for her nourishment and protection in the same way that the Church places her dependence on Christ for her nourishment and protection.
The husband should care for the spiritual and physical needs of his wife, and tenderly care for and protect her the way Christ does the Church.
The husband and wife should have sex regularly and often, not only to meet one another’s physical needs and avoid temptation, but they must also realize that their physical union in sex is the most distinctive and most defining act of marital love.
One last note I want to add here about sexuality in marriage. Just like all of the other points of marital love, sexual relations in marriage should never be dependent on feelings at any given time. The Bible is crystal clear that they are to be regular and often, except for a short time by mutual consent.
While it is nice to do things for our spouse (whether it is husbands for wives, or wives for husbands), sex in marriage should never EVER have to be earned. The moment a husband and wife say “I do” it becomes mandatory.
This is not always a husband wanting from a wife thing either. I know of a newly wed married couple, a young couple, where the husband would rather play video games or do things with his friends than have sex with his wife and this should never be the case. The Bible sees sex as the distinctive symbol of the marriage relationship, and it is to happen regularly and often, whether the husband or wife feels like it.
Some might say this feels like a very dry and unemotional type of love the Bible calls us to, but the reality is God knows something we often forget. When you do the right thing, even when you don’t feel like it, often times the feelings will follow sooner or later. But on the flip side, if you only practice these actions required for marital love when feel like it, the love in your marriage will soon die. Feelings don’t last, commitments and choices can and do last.
And finally while the sexual part of the one flesh relationship is an indispensable part of marriage a husband and wife should be united not only in physical relations but also spiritually and emotionally and we previously mentioned. This unity in marriage is accomplished not by compromise between a husband and wife, but rather by conformity of the husband to the will of God and the conformity of the wife to the will of her husband.
This post was edited and updated with new content(the sections about unity and oneness in marriage) on 8/2/2016.
Bodycrimes made this comment in reply on a post she wrote about Older men and Younger women:
“Except that women aren’t making that sacrifice at all. Women who are university educated are now the most likely to get married and have families. Professional and educated men do not marry uneducated women. The worst thing a woman who aspires to a middle class or above life could do is to fail to get an education and career.”
Are there studies that on the surface would seem to support what she said? Yes.
This study sited at the HuffingtonPost would be one that seems to confirm her opinion:
“According to a new study by NYU sociologists Paula England and Jonathan Bearak, prepared for the Council on Contemporary Families, college-educated women are now as likely to get married as their less-educated peers — even if the weddings happen in a somewhat older age range. These findings contradict the previously prevailing idea that women who pursued higher education were more likely to delay finding a mate past some stereotypical “marriageable age” while studying and building demanding careers.”
However as you dig deeper into the study, you note the disparity between races on this issue.
“In terms of race, the delayed marriage boost that college education produces is far more pronounced for black women than for white women. While “black women have lower odds of ever marrying than white women … getting a college education raises ultimate marriage rates by the 30s and 40s much more substantially for blacks than whites.” Black women who don’t complete high school are far less likely to get married than any other group.”
Because there is a complete breakdown of the nuclear family in the black community of the United States, where almost 70% of black children are born out of wedlock Black women need that extra education to give them that leg up. But in other racial groups, especially with whites, where the out of wedlock birth rate is more around 30%, a woman having a college education does not have as high an impact on her marriageability or getting into the middle class.
This study cited by the Huffington Post also shows that these same college educated women, while having a better chance of getting married (and as I pointed out this is more in the black community than in other racial communities) also marry much later.
What they don’t report is that these women who marry later in life often have a lot more fertility issues and this is one of the contributing factors to declining birth rates in most western nations (including the US).
But is a higher education all positive for women? Not really according to this study cited at Bloomberg.com:
“Women who have come out on top in the job market may not find similar success in the marriage market… Aversion to wives earning more than husbands could be leading to fewer weddings and more divorces, according to a National Bureau of Economic Research working paper… couples where a wife earns more are less satisfied with their marriage and are more likely to divorce”
The higher educated a woman is, and the more she makes directly lessens her chances of getting married and even if she does get married her chances of divorce are much higher.
The study cited in the HuffingtonPost and the one at Bloomberg.com are not contradictory when you look at the racial factor. There is truly a marriage crisis in the Black community, to deny so would be to deny what every government and private study shows us. Does poverty have some affect? Yes. But even in other racial communities where poverty exists marriage rates are much higher than in lower income black areas.
If you remove the racial factor, for whites especially, a woman having a higher education makes her LESS likely to get married, and when she does get married she will have a much higher chance of divorce.
That may not sit well with my feminist and egalitarian friends, but it is the truth.
Anarch[Egalitarian]ism: a political theory holding all forms of governmental authority to be unnecessary and undesirable and advocating a society based on voluntary cooperation and free association of individuals and groups
“Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
I Corinthians 11:9(KJV)
“…teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”
I Timothy 5:14(KJV)
“ Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.
And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.”
I Corinthians 14:24-25(KJV)
What has Egalitarianism given us? In a word anarchy. Since Egalitarianism abandon’s God’s order and design in creation they embrace what Israel saw when “there was no king in Israel, but every man did that which was right in his own eyes.”(Judges 17:6).
What is the result? A complete confusion in our society when it comes to gender roles. Men lead, guide and protect as God designed them to do, and women don’t submit to their husbands or care for their children and their homes as God designed them to.
While divorce peaked around 50% in the 1980’s and has decreased slightly since, marriage rates have dropped and cohabitation rates have skyrocketed. While less and less children are born each year, more and more of these children our born out of wedlock.
Government dependency has skyrocketed and poverty increased due to the decline of the nuclear family. All of this lies at the feet of Egalitarianism and its evil sibling, Feminism.