You were made for Him

Joy and freedom

“…all things were created by him, and for him Colossians 1:16(KJV). All of us, both men and women were made for the glory of God. As a woman, you were also made for another “him”, for your current or future husband, unless you are one of the few women God has called to life of celibacy in his service.

Just as mankind was made for the glory of God, so to you as a woman were made for the glory of man.

“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.”

I Corinthians 11:7(KJV)

“Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”

I Corinthians 11:9(KJV)

The fact that you were made for you husband answers all these “why” questions:

Why do I have to submit to him? Because you were made for him.

“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

Ephesians 5:22(KJV)

Why do I need to follow him if his job moves him to a new city? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to follow his rules for discipline with our kids, whether they are stricter or more lenient than I would like them to be? Because you were made for him.

Why do I not get an equal say in all decisions of the family? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to have sex with him even when I don’t feel in the mood? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to wear the clothes he likes me to wear, or keep my hair the way he likes it? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to stay home and care for our children? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to obey him? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to respect him? Because you were made for him.

Conclusion

Whether you are engaged, a newly wed, or have been married for many years, this principle, that you were made for your husband can and will change the way you approach your marriage. You won’t find yourself fighting for control, or your fair share in the decision making processes of your home, you will instead find peace.

Please don’t misunderstand me, this is not to say a wife should never tell her husband what she thinks, because she should.  Proverbs 31:26 tells us the virtuous wife openeth her mouth with wisdom, and a husband should be able to listen to his wife’s wisdom.  But on the other hand, we all know that there are many instances in the Bible where husband should NOT have listened to his wife.  A Godly man will judge his wife’s advice by God’s Word, and by his own judgement and exercise proper leadership.

Happiness is found when we live the way God designed us to. If you go throughout your marriage and you follow the principle that you were made for the glory of God, and God made specifically made you for your husband, I can promise you that you will have a wonderful marriage. This comes straight from our owner’s manual – the Bible.

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Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands

MenYelledAtByWoman

““Should a wife obey her husband? Be in subjection to him? Should she submit to him
as if he were God? Should a husband have authority over his wife as a master does
over a servant? Should women even reverence their husbands, obeying them, and
calling them Lord? The Bible does command a woman to do all of this, as we will show
from many scriptures! But the modern woman says, “NO!” The feminist movement has
insisted on woman’s equality with man in every respect. Women have invaded fields of
endeavor once given over entirely to men. Women, aided by preachers and reformers,
sought and secured the right to vote and hold office. Many religious denominations
have women preachers. Church work from singing in the choir to financing the church
and doing the Bible teaching is done principally by women. Men sit passively in an
occasional service, help pay the bills, and are politely indifferent as to whether the world
goes to hell or not!”

-Dr. John R. Rice,  Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands

I grew up in Baptist Churches hearing preaching exactly like that of Dr. John R. Rice.

RiceJohnR

Dr. John R. Rice(1895 – 1980)

He saw the softening of gender roles and he called it out for what is it – sin, pure and simple.

He published a book in 1971, called “Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands” and its words could not be more needed today.  I don’t agree with everything he taught as I am sure some people agree with some things I teach and disagree with other things I teach.  I would not even necessarily agree with everything he wrote in this book.  But where he is preaching God’s Word, clear an plain – I say AMEN.

These are some other notable statements Dr. Rice made in this book:

“If women knew and cared about what God expects their attitude to be toward their
husbands they would be much more careful in accepting him, and marriage would last
longer and be happier. God’s word uses stronger language than any man would dare
use of his own choice on the same subject. In fact, God’s language is so strong that
most preachers, in their cowardly submission to modern tendencies, ignore it or explain
it away as fit only for other times or only under ideal circumstances. We preachers must
answer to God for the way we preach his word, so I give you what he says about a
wife’s duty toward her husband.

1. Wives, Submit ‘As Unto the Lord’
Study and scriptures given carefully and remember that the words are God’s words, not
mine, nor any man’s. Ephesians 5:22-25,28, 33 is one of the clearest passages on the
duty of a wife:

‘22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23. For the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the
savior of the body. 24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in everything. 25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ
also loved the church, and gave himself for it;…..28. So ought men to love their wives
as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself……33. Nevertheless let
every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she
reverence her husband.’

Wives should submit themselves to their own husbands ‘as unto the Lord’ (vs. 22). A
woman should obey her husband as if it were the Lord she were obeying, for in truth it
is. That means a cheerful obedience which comes from a loving and an obedient heart.
To obey her husband should be a part of a Christian wife’s religion. She submits to him
‘as unto the Lord.’

2. Wives to ‘Be Subject…in Everything’

Verse 24 quoted above says that ‘as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands IN EVERYTHING.’ It is true that every man, woman and
child, every servant and citizen are to put God first and obey him first. But here the
scripture seems to take for granted that there will never be a case where God will call
upon a wife to disobey her husband. Women are to be subject to their husbands just as
the church is subject to Christ even in everything! A woman is to be subject to her husband even in church and in religious knowledge, as we learn in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.
Wives sometimes think they please God by spending time in routine church work
when their husbands want them to attend to duties at home. I have known numerous
cases where wives sought to give money to the Lord’s cause without the husband’s
consent, sometimes stealing the money from his clothes to tithe. This was wrong
according to Numbers 30:13-15.
If the husband forbids it, he is responsible, not she.
Wives are to be subject to their own husbands in everything, says the word of God. In
her body the wife is to be subject to her husband, even as she is to have the freedom of
his body (1 Cor 7:35).
A wife is to be subject to her husband in the way she directs the
house, spends the money committed to her, controls the children, the way she dresses,
the company she keeps in everything.”

This message needs to be read by every Preacher and Priest in this country and our churches need to once again start preaching the Word of God in regarding one his most important teaches, the doctrines of Biblical manhood and Biblical womanhood.

Every husband and wife need to read God’s Word, and accept it and live by it.  Only by following God’s design for men and women can we truly find peace.

A larger excerpt of his book can be found at this here

 

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 2

MasculineWomenFeminineMen2

In the previous post, we established the fact that there are masculine women and feminine men. But does God care if a man acts more feminine and woman acts more masculine? Does God care if a man is passive and would rather his wife lead his family? Does God care if a woman is more aggressive and assertive, or if she would rather be fighting on the battlefield then cooking for her family in the kitchen?

The answer is YES. God talks about gender issues all over the Bible. The genders are not made by accident, they were made by design.

The reality is no matter how feminine a man you may be, you are still a MAN.

No matter how masculine you may be as a woman, you are still a WOMAN.

God cares about how men and women dress

The Bible addresses the issue of women and men wearing different clothes:

“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.”

Deuteronomy 22:5(KJV)

It is interesting that God did not take cross dressing lightly, God calls it an “abomination” for a man to dress like a woman, or for a woman to dress like a man. The churches would do well to take this more seriously than we do in our modern unisex society.

God does condemns men dressing or acting as women or being homosexuals

I am not in any way saying that just because a woman has some masculine qualities or a man has some feminine qualities that they will automatically be drawn to cross gender behavior or homosexuality. But in extreme cases where a man is extremely feminine or a woman is extremely masculine this is often a much greater temptation.

“9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”

I Corinthians 6:9-11(NASB)

Let me also be clear after quoting I Corinthians 6 that being effeminate or a homosexual is one of many sins Christians may be tempted to do. It does not make you any less of a sinner if you are tempted to commit fornication or adultery, than to dress feminine or commit homosexual acts. We have a choice to fight our sinful nature or not fight it.

God wants men to lead, protect and provide for their wives and children

Whether a man feels assertive, or like a leader, God calls him to lead, protect and provide for his home.

“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”

I Corinthians 16:13

“…fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.”

Nehemiah 4:14 (NASB)

“For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church…”

Ephesians 5:23(NASB)

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4(NASB)

“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

I Timothy 5:8(NASB)

“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children…”

Proverbs 13:22(NASB)

“House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers…”

Proverbs 19:14(NASB)

God calls women to help their husbands, bare children and keep the home

Whether you as a woman feel like being Betty Crocker or not, God has called you to the most sacred duty of being a help meet to your husband, the barer of his children and the keeper of his home.

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

I Timothy 5:13-15(KJV)

“…teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:4-5(KJV)

“She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.”

Proverbs 31:27(NASB)

Women are to be respectful of the authority of men, and are not to be in dominate positions over men

Some women have a more dominate spirit about them, but that spirit by be channeled and conformed to God’s design for them as women. Women can lead and teach other women, and they can lead and teach their children. So if a woman is opinionated and strong-willed, this is where her abilities must be channeled to.

My daughter loves to write, and I hope she will use that someday perhaps in writing a Christian woman’s blog. There are many ways women can use their talents and abilities, but they must always make sure they are conforming to design God has made for them.

But the Bible is clear, that no matter how masculine a woman may be, she is never allowed to dominate men, and especially not her husband. Her spirit around men and her husband should be one of gentleness, quietness and respectfulness.

“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.”

I Corinthians 11:3(NASB)

“But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.”

I Timothy 2:12(NASB)

“…the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33(NASB)

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands… Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

I Peter 3:1 & 3-4(NASB)

But why did God make me this way?

This is the inevitable question I have heard many times on many forums when the discussion of gender roles and femininity in men or masculinity in women is raised.

God originally designed man with a certain kind of nature. He designed him with a mind and body to lead, protect and provide. Anything that is in a man that is contrary to these traits is a corruption of our original God given design, the Bible tells us we are corrupted because of sin.

This does not mean that all sensitivity in man is a bad thing. Kind David was one of the manliest men in the Bible, yet he wrote and played some of the most beautiful music and poetry ever written. But this same sensitive musician, went out and killed the Giant Goliath for insulting his God and then cut his head off.

A man being more sensitive may help in a role as counselor or jobs that require a lot of creativity. So some feminine qualities in a man are not necessarily a bad thing. But the same qualities that make a man good at his job, make present him with challenges in his marriage and home life if he becomes passive and unambitious. A Christian man needs to recognize this and ask God for help in being the man in his home that he needs to be.

In the same way, the qualities of being ambitious and assertive may help a woman in teaching Sunday school or heading up a ladies group at church, or even writing a book or blog,. These qualities may even help her in teaching and disciplining her children, but being ambitious and assertive where she attempts to usurp her husband’s authority would be a misuse of these tendencies.

There is nothing wrong with a woman being competitive as she plays for the church ladies softball team, but her competitiveness may become a problem if she begins to compete with her husband for authority or control in her marriage. Such a woman needs to pray for God to channel her ambitiousness, assertiveness and competiveness in areas that do not violate God’s boundaries and God’s design.

Conclusion of Masculine women and Feminine Men Part 2

In this final part of my two part series on Masculine women and Feminine men we established that God does indeed care about there be a difference between the sexes, both in clothing and behavior.

Women are to be quite and gentle with men, and to have a submissive spirit about them. This gentleness, quietness and submissiveness is essence of femininity according to the Bible. While the statement is often derided in our modern culture, the Bible is clear that woman’s place is in the home. This does not mean she never leaves the home to do shopping or even perhaps run a business out of her home as the Proverbs 31 wife did. But everything she does, focuses back on the fact that God created her for her husband, her children and her home.

Men need to be assertive and ambitious, they need to lead and “act like men” as the Bible calls them to. In his home a man needs to take charge, and set the tone of his family. His leadership is to be firm, but loving just as God’s leadership is firm but loving to us. The father should instruct his wife and children in the ways of God’s Word. He is to provide for his wife the things she needs to make a home for him and his children. He should leave his children and inheritance. Everything he does should focus on how God would have him to lead, protect, provide for and ultimately love his wife and children.

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 1

 

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 1

MasculineWomenFeminineMen

To deny that there are masculine women and feminine men would be like denying there are ever cool days in the summer and warm days in the winter. We do not generally associate coolness with summer, or warmness with winter, but these things happen regardless.

But It would also be a mistake to say there are no such things a masculine and feminine qualities, this is something many feminists and egalitarians are trying to do today. That would be the same as saying that most winter days are not cold and most summers are days are not hot.  Genders do have normal behaviors.

It is a biological lie to deny the existence of masculine and feminine traits.

Masculinity and Femininity Defined

There are some traits that have been identified with masculinity and femininity since the dawn of civilization.

Masculine physical traits – taller and larger body builds, more muscular, deeper voices, thicker and more body hair, tougher skin, thicker eyebrows and facial hair.

Masculine behavioral traits – Aggressive, assertive, ambitious, courageous, competitive, logical and analytical. More prone to acting, then talking.

Female physical traits – shorter and smaller body builds, little muscle, higher voices, thinner and less body hair, softer skin, thinner eyebrows and no facial hair.

Female behavioral traits – Passive, submissive, cautious, cooperative, emotional and more empathetic. More prone to talking, then acting.

Masculine and Feminine Clothing– While clothing styles have changed over the last few thousand years, the concept of men and women wearing clothing that would distinguish their gender is as old as creation.

Whether it was in ancient Egypt, or the Assyrian Empire, or even among the Greeks and the Romans there was always “masculine” clothing and “feminine” clothing. Sometimes the differences were very pronounced and other times they were more subtle, but the differences were always there.

There was a time after Western civilization moved from tunics and robes to pants and dresses that men wore only pants (except for clergy and governing officials’ still wearing robes) and women wore only dresses. In the last century it has become socially acceptable for women to wear pants, but women’s pants are still cut and made different than men’s.

Women actually have a much broader range of acceptable clothing than men in Western culture where they can wear a dress one day, and the next day they can wear pants. It is not generally accepted in Western culture for men to wear dresses or skirts, or women’s pants and shirts. One notable exception to the “no skirts” rule for men would be the Scottish Kilt. But the Scotsmen still get teased about that to this very day.

As far as colors go, women also have a broader range of acceptable colors. While a woman can wear darker colors and softer pastels, men who wear lighter and softer pastel colors are generally perceived as wearing more feminine clothing(especially by other men). The feminist movement over the last 50 years has tried to make it more acceptable for men to wear soft pastel colors in a broader attempt to feminize society.

So with masculinity and femininity defined lets delve into how this impacts masculine women and feminine men.

Degrees of Masculinity and Femininity

Once we acknowledge the fact that there are masculine women and feminine men we must then recognize that there are varying degrees of masculinity and varying degrees of femininity. For instance a man may be very manly in 90% of his physical and behavioral traits, but there may be a small amount of feminine behavior or physical traits in one area of his life.

The same could be said of a woman, where for the most part she is extremely feminine, but there may be some small part of her that is more masculine (whether it is in behavior or physical attributes). Let me give some examples to illustrate what I am saying:

There are some beautiful and extremely feminine women who are extremely competitive. Maybe they like to play sports, it would be mistake to call that type of woman a masculine woman just because she gets a little competitive on the softball field.

There are some men that look very manly, big muscular and hairy, but the minute they open their mouth you hear a high, soft sounding voice. Just because a man’s voice sounds more feminine, does not make him a feminine man.

What does a Masculine woman look like?

A masculine woman is a woman that has several masculine traits, not just some minor masculine issues. For instance maybe a woman is built more like a man. Perhaps she has boxy hips (as opposed to round) and she has big broad shoulders like a man and she is more naturally muscular. At least from a physical perspective, this type of woman would be considered more masculine.

Then there are women who are more masculine in their behavior. Masculine women are generally more aggressive, assertive, competitive and less emotional and empathetic than the average woman.

Masculine women may or may not care about their appearance as a woman. I have worked with many woman in business and I can honestly say I have seen both. I have seen some masculine women, that dress beautifully and in a very feminine way, but the moment they open their mouth and when they get with a group of men they might as well be a man.

Then you have the masculine women who are not only masculine in their behavior, but they even try to dress like men and they don’t care about their looks or try to distinguish themselves cosmetically as a woman.

You will notice I put a picture of female combat soldier on the picture introducing this post. Might this woman be feminine in many ways? Certainly. But I have yet to meet or see a female solider on TV that you would say is a very feminine woman. At best female soldiers are only moderately feminine in their behavior.

What does a feminine man look like?

I know I put a man dancing on the picture introducing this post, but it was not meant to say all men who can dance are feminine men. I have watched enough dancing shows with my wife to know there are some manly men who dance.  However many male dancers are in fact feminine men, this is just a reality.

Just like with women, there are men that may be more feminine in physical traits like being shorter, smaller, softer and less muscular.

But there are also men that may look very manly from a physical perspective, but behaviorally they are very feminine in that they are cooperative as opposed to competitive, they are more emotional and empathetic and they are generally more passive.

Sources of Feminine behavior in men and Masculine behavior in women

Obviously if a man has physically feminine features or a woman has masculine physical features this is purely genetic (unless they had sex change surgery of course).

Even feminine behavior in men and masculine behavior in women may completely come from genetics.

But we must also acknowledge that parents, and environment can definitely play a part in shaping feminine behavior in men and masculine behavior in women. Some girls may have been raised as tom boys by their Dads because he never had a son. Other girls may have been the only girl surrounded by brothers and that helped them to become more masculine in their behavior.

Still some men may have been emasculated by their mothers, or had their masculinity ridiculed.

The point is – feminine behavior in men and masculine behavior in women can come from genetics or environment or a combination of both.

Conclusion of Masculine women and Feminine Men Part 1

In this first part of this series, I just wanted to lay the ground work for a discussion about this issue. I wanted first and foremost to acknowledge that there are in fact feminine men and masculine women. There are many varying degrees of masculinity and femininity as well.

We also discussed that the sources of feminine behavior in men or masculine behavior in women may be purely genetic or they may be as a result of environmental conditioning.

I know you are asking the question – so what? Our modern world says if a man wants to act (or even dress like a woman) that is perfectly fine. It also tells women if they want to act and dress as men that is fine too. But how does God feel about this? Has he addressed this in his Word?

In the next post in this series I will answer these questions from a Biblical Christian perspective.

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 2

Feminism will come to an end one way or the other

Woman_suffrage_headquarters_Cleveland

On August 18th 1920, the ratification of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution forever changed the course of the American nation. This amendment giving women the right to vote, began the process of the feminization of America. America was not the first nation to give women the right to vote, but it was one of the most influential world powers to do so. The system of patriarchy that had served the world since the beginning of creation, was now being taken down in favor of a grand new experiment.

It was not something that happened overnight. It took over forty years from the time Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton drafted the amendment in 1878 for it to be finally ratified in 1920. It was passed under immense pressure from women’s groups and the pressuring of men to give women “fair” and “just” treatment.

I believe if you could go back and show the men who voted to give women the right to vote how their vote affected our nation over the next century, the amendment would have been massively defeated.

Feminism will eventually end in of one of two ways

Previously I wrote a post about how Fathers can save our families from feminism. I believe this is one of two ways feminism in America and Western Civilization will end. Fathers teaching their daughters to reject feminist ideals and to embrace their God given roles as wives and mothers would certainly be the less painful way that feminism will end. But if Fathers do not step in and lead, and teach their daughters what is right, a more painful end to feminism will occur.

Emotion verses Logic

While there are more emotional men, and more logical women, the reality is most men are more logical and most women are more emotional. Most men tend to think with their heads first, and their hearts second. On the other hand, most women tend to think with their hearts first and their heads second.

But in the end logic always beats emotion. Emotion may seem to triumph over logic for a period, perhaps even for decades or centuries. But eventually logic prevails.

Emotion says if, we as a nation are nice to our enemies, and we lower our defenses, or withdraw, they will leave us alone.

Logic says an enemy does not want to fight with a nation they cannot beat. So having a larger military, and more advanced weapons actually promotes peace.

Emotion says if we as a nation deal gently and proportionally with our enemies, then they will appreciate the merciful treatment and stop seeing us as enemies.

Logic says if you crush your enemies with overwhelming force, they will think twice before opposing your interests.

Emotion says if you have a more diverse culture (with different languages, religious beliefs and value systems), you will have a better culture.

Logic says if you have a more diverse culture, you will have a more divided culture and a weaker nation. Logic does not say everyone must think exactly the same on all issues, but the more similar the people are to one another in their religious beliefs, their language and value systems, the more unified the nation will be.

Emotion says if you are softer and gentler toward criminals, you will have less crime.

Logic says if you are harder on crime, and give harsher punishments then you will deter crime.

Emotion says you should not have a gun in your home, because you might use it in the wrong circumstance or hurt your spouse. Your child might find it and get hurt, or you might react wrongly and kill someone with it.

Logic says when criminals know that every home in a neighborhood is armed, with citizens who are willing to use these weapons, crime goes down because these criminals don’t want to be shot in the face as they try to enter someone’s home.

Emotion says we as a nation cannot let anyone starve.

Logic says if a man does not work, he does not eat. If we as a nation continue to give people unending government assistance we will create a larger and larger segment of the population that is dependent on the other segment. Eventually the boat will tip over.

Emotion says every person, man, woman or child should be able to choose to do whatever makes them happy.

Logic says each person should do what they are biologically designed to do. If they are a man, they are designed to lead, protect and provide for women and children. If they are a woman, they are designed to bear children, feed those children and nurture those children into healthy adults.

Emotion says men and women should not have to marry, but should be able to have casual sex and just live together.

Logic says the best relationship is a committed relationship within the institution of marriage, where both the man and woman have clearly defined roles. The security of marriage provides security to a nation and a civilization.

Emotion says women don’t have to have children, it is their choice.

Logic says the most critical and important role women play in civilization is the bearing and raising of children. If women don’t have children (at least 3 children per woman to make up for women who cannot have children) then eventually the human race will become extinct. If those children are not given the nurturing care of a loving mother they are more likely to get into crime, or be less productive and more dependent citizens that will way down on the resources of the nation.

Conclusion

If we as a nation, and as Western civilization, keep following emotion eventually Western civilization will fall. The reason our civilization will fall is because of the feminization of the West. It is because we think more with our hearts, than with our heads.

It is because we won’t protect our language, borders and culture, for fear of offending others.

It is because we won’t protect marriage from easy divorce because we don’t want to make two people live together who don’t have feelings for each other anymore.

It is because we won’t make women stay home, bear and raise the next generation of young people for fear we are being unfair to women.

It is because we won’t be tough on crime.

It is because we won’t be tough on government corruption.

It is because we are unwilling to crush our enemies with overwhelming force and fight to protect our interests.

It is because we are unwilling to let lazy people starve and go homeless.

It is because we continually take what people have earned, and it give it to people who have not earned it all in a futile attempt to eliminate differences in income and economic classes (which will never happen).

It is because we continue to spend more than we have, both as individuals and families, and as a nation.

It is because we are willing to kill the innocent (the unborn), but unwilling to kill the guilty.

In the end though, Feminism will not survive. If we cannot turn around our society the easier way through the influence of fathers teaching their daughters what is right, and teaching our young men to reject feminist women when they look for wives, then eventually western civilization will collapse, and with it feminism.

Then a new society will form, built on the ashes of the old, and mankind will have learned that the greatest mistake it ever made was giving women the right to vote and by extension allowing the feminization of society.

The 10 actions of the sexually intelligent wife

EmotionallyIntelligentWife2

Photo by thephotographymuse at Flickr.com

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To all you engaged women, newlywed wives or women that have been married for many years. If you will just follow some simple principles, and accept some simple truths about men, I promise that in 99% of cases the passion in your marriage will never die.

I believe as Christians we must speak bluntly about sexuality and I hope you will bear with me as some of the statements I make here might be offensive to some Christian readers, although that is not my intention. I don’t mean to be crude either, but there are some things that must be said.

If sex is so important to having a passionate relationship in marriage then how do Christian couples have passion before they are married?

Many Christian women ask this question, since as Christians we believe sex is reserved for marriage. The answer is that a Christian man’s passion for his girlfriend and then his fiancé is still fueled by his sexuality even before marriage. I do not mean to say a man marries his wife only for sex. Hopefully he is marrying her for what they share in common, that he believes she will make a good wife and a good mother to his children. But make no mistake, his passion for his wife to be is no less fueled by his sexual feelings toward her before marriage, then it will be after marriage.

The three attitudes of Wives toward to their husband’s sexuality

The first wife, is a religious woman who sees sexuality as “base” and a necessary biological function of marriage and reproduction. She will do her “duty”, and give her husband what he needs, what the Bible requires of her, no more, no less. Another name for this type of woman is a “prude”.

The second type of wife is a feminist, who believes that the way a woman gives and receives love, through emotional and verbal connection is a superior form of love. She looks down on her husband’s need for sexual variety, or the fact that he may want to have sex the moment he comes in the door without saying a word. This to her is the very definition of shallowness.

The third type of wife, may be religious or not. But she knows something about men that many women have known since the beginning of creation.

She understands the way to a man’s heart is through his penis.

This third type of wife also knows this truth about men, can be abused. Women have manipulated and controlled men through this powerful knowledge. Women have turned empires against one another through the power of sex. So when it comes to men this power can be used for good, or for evil.

I see some books say men need to be more “emotionally intelligent” toward their wives. But I would argue that women need to be more “sexually intelligent” toward their husbands.

It is easier to be “sexually intelligent” than “emotionally intelligent”

Sexual intelligence requires a certain attitude, and certain actions that follow that attitude. It does not require feelings. This is a foreign concept to most women, because women are typically much more emotional than men. God designed women with a more emotional nature, but he did not intend for every action a woman takes to governed by her feelings.

God wants women to do the right thing in spite of their feelings. God wants a woman to channel the beautiful gift of empathy he has given her into caring for her children, her husband and those around her in need. He wants her to weep with those weep, mourn with those who mourn and laugh with those who laugh. But God does not want a woman saying – “Since I don’t feel like doing this or that for my husband, whether it is in the sexual arena or otherwise, then I should not have to do it.”

Women do things all the time they don’t feel like doing. It is part of being an adult. Women go to work when they don’t feel like it. Women cook dinner for their husbands and families when they don’t feel like it. Women get up in the middle of the night to rock a crying baby to sleep when they don’t feel like it. The point is, women are capable of doing things when their feelings are not in it, because they know it is the right thing to do.

So what does it mean for a wife to be “sexually intelligent” toward her husband?

When I say the way to a man’s heart is through his penis I don’t literally mean a wife just needs to have her hands on her husband’s penis whenever she is not otherwise occupied. In fact I agree with what some have said that the brain is the most important sex organ, as opposed to the penis. However, a man’s penis is the symbol of his sexuality. So another way to phrase this truth is “the way to a man’s heart is through his sexuality”.

Here are a list of actions (and attitudes) a wife should have toward her husband’s sexuality (OK it turned out to be 20 and not 10 because of formatting issues):

  1. Don’t make your husband feel shallow because of his sexual nature.  As a wife you need to erase this type of thinking from your mind.  His sexuality is a gift from God, and you should treat it as such.
  2. Recognize your husband’s need to be visually aroused. Men are visual creatures, it is how God designed us. This does not mean you have to dress like a whore or a prostitute. But you can dress in a more sexy way that extenuates the body that God gave you that was part of what drew your husband to you in the first place. Here are some practical ways you can meet this need of your husband to be visually aroused:
  3. Wear shirts that show some cleavage. This does not mean you have your breasts hanging completely out. It just means not wearing shirts all the time that go all the way up to your neckline.
  4. Baggy clothes are a big no-no. You don’t have to wear skin tight jeans and daisy duke shorts, but you should wear clothes that show your figure and your beauty. Obviously there is also age appropriate clothing. I am not saying a 40 year old woman needs to dress like a 20 year old woman, but a 40 year old woman can still dress in a sexy, yet age appropriate way for her husband.
  5. Show some leg. Women may disagree on where the line is, but most men like to see some leg on their wife. Wear dresses and shorts that show your legs.
  6. If the barn needs painting, then paint it. This is an old expression a pastor of my church from many years ago used to say. Not all women need makeup, but some do. If makeup enhances your beauty, then use it.
  7. Listen to your husband’s opinion about your appearance. Especially when it comes to how you keep your hair and how you dress. Maybe he like’s your hair shorter, maybe he likes it longer, or maybe he likes it a different color. Maybe he likes a certain dress on you, or certain shirts. Unless what he is asking you to do something with your appearance that feels blatantly immoral, then you should do it. Learn to break out of your comfort zone.
  8. Use what your God gave you! Once you are wearing more attractive clothing for your husband, come over by him sometimes and give him a good angle on that cleavage. If you look good in those jeans, bend over nice and slow to pick up that pen you dropped in front him. Tease him with your beauty.
  9. Lingerie. One of the nicest ways to please your husband is with lingerie and it is a great surprise to him when he comes into the room thinking you are just going to sleep and he sees you there in some sexy lingerie, this is a huge thing to most men.
  10. Nudity is good too! Make sure to let your husband see you getting undressed for bed or changing to go someplace for dinner. Invite your husband to take a shower with you from time to time. I remember years back reading a book on romance from Dennis and Barbara Rainy (don’t remember the title). In it they mention the story of a young Pastor’s wife who asked her husband what she could do to help him be a more a spiritual man. He said “surprise me some time by meeting me at the door naked when I come home”. What he was saying is –if you meet my sexual needs to be visually aroused by your body, I will be less likely to be tempted by other women and it will help make me a more spiritual man. Women need to understand this vital truth!
  11. Don’t get mad at your husband when he looks at other women. As long as your husband is not gawking or acting perverted about it, when your husband sees a nice woman walking by don’t shame him. God has made men as creatures of variety, and by “variety” I mean that men are naturally wired to appreciate a variety of different women. Realize that just because he looks at other women this does not mean he does not think you are beautiful too, it is just his wiring. If you really want to be courageous and show your security with your husband’s visual wiring, ask him from time to time if he thinks a certain woman is pretty, or who his favorite actresses are. I wrote a whole series on this important topic – click here to read it.
  12. Moans and Groans. Yep as husbands we like to hear that we are pleasing our wives. Obviously anything can be overdone, but most women don’t error on the side of overdoing this.
  13. Initiate sex. I completely recognize the fact that most women like to be pursued when it comes to sex and this normal. I agree that 80 percent of the time men need to be doing the initiating and the pursing (this actually is part of the process that turns women on). But if you as a wife rarely initiate sex, you need to change that.
  14. Rain checks. A rain check when it comes to sex is when you as a wife have to gently turn your husband down when he tries to initiate foreplay. Perhaps you are sick to your stomach, or maybe your period is extra heavy at that particular time. While he needs to show patience and understanding during these times, you also need to make good on your sexual “rain check”. That means it now becomes your responsibility to initiate the next sexual encounter with your husband, to let him know you are re-opened for “business”.
  15. Oral sex. Yep I said it. It’s the truth. Learn it, do it. There are few sexual acts that make a man feel more loved by his wife, or evoke more passion in a man toward his wife than when she performs oral sex on him.
  16. Groping is usually OK for most men. This is one where a few rare men would disagree. But unlike most women, most guys do not mind at all having being groped by their wives. This can be a great type of foreplay when a couple is out on a romantic date, or when they are driving home from some place, letting him know what is soon to follow.
  17. Legs spread. A lot of women think this kind of thing is un-lady like. In marriage nothing could be further from the truth. There are few things sexier to a man than when his wife pulls up her skirt to reveal no underwear and invites her husband into his favorite garden to enjoy his choice fruits (there is a reference to this in the Song of Solomon).
  18. Variety of positions and places. Try to make sure you have variety in your sexual positions, don’t get dogged down in one position, many couples get stuck on the missionary style. Try having sex in different rooms of your house.
  19. Recognize when sex is not happening. If your husband has not initiated sex in some time, or you seem to have to be initiating all the time, talk to him about it. Ask him if there any problems. Sometimes men take work stress or other stresses home with them when they should not. Gently and respectfully talk to him.
  20. Fake it till you make it! This old saying (not original to me) applies to many areas of life and it certainly applies to being a sexually intelligent wife. Realize that sometimes your feelings will match your sexual actions towards your husband, and sometimes they will not. But what many women come to realize is, once they break out of their sexual comfort zone and start doing these things with their husbands, they soon come to like it! They love the passion it creates in their husband toward them outside of the bedroom and clearly see the rewards of adding these actions and attitudes to their marriage.

Are you saying wives don’t care about sex?

I am sure there are some women reading this that are taking away from this that I believe all women care nothing for sex. That could not be further from the truth. Most women want sex too. They may not want it as often or in the same ways, but they definitely want it.  In some rare instances, some wives want sex more than their husbands do.

But for the vast majority of women, even those with higher libidos, their passion comes from being emotionally and verbally connected with first, and from tender touch. For men their passion starts from and is fueled by their sexuality, and then their emotional connection can come as a result of that passion.

Conclusion

So as a wife you have a choice. Do you want a more passionate marriage? Perhaps if you are a newlywed wife you are wondering how you can keep the passion you are currently experiencing. Then follow these 10 actions (attitudes) and principles, regardless of how you feel at different times and I promise that in 99% of cases the passion in your marriage will never die.

If however you as a wife come to reject most of what I have said here, be sure that sooner or later the passion in your marriage will die. If you say as I have seen some Christian women in Christian forums say, “this makes a Christian wife no more than a glorified prostitute” then you have completely missed what I have said, and again, eventually the passion in your marriage will fade.

Yes if you are married to a Christian man, he may remain faithful to you (as he should), but don’t be surprised when the romantic things he used to do towards you dry up and go away. Don’t be surprised when he gets more involved in his hobbies and his job and does not seem to want to spend as much time with you as he once did. Be prepared for little to no emotional attachment on his part toward you.

Wives – the choice is yours.

Is attraction required for marriage?

Just_a_touch_is_all_I_need

There are typically three things that most people in the western world would believe are required for marriage:

  1. Physical attraction
  2. Love(feelings of love)
  3. A willingness to make a serious commitment

From a Christian perspective (as well as many other non-western and non-Christian perspectives) only a commitment to the institution of marriage is required.

For thousands of years, and even today there are many outside of western nations that have marriages arranged by their parents. Often times they meet their spouse only a week or two ahead of when they are married. In western culture many despise these types of marriages as dull or unemotional. But if you talk to these couples, they often have much stronger marriages than we do in the west, and they have a tiny fraction of our divorce rates here in the United States.

I am not saying that looking to be attracted to a person is wrong. I wanted to be attracted to my wife before I married her and I definitely was. I also had feelings of love and attachment to her before I proposed. But in God’s eyes, the only thing that was required of her and I was a commitment before God to the covenant of marriage, anything more than that was simply icing on the marriage cake.

The reason I say this is, for many marriages the attraction, as well as the feelings of love may fade over time. God never expects us to keep our physical attraction to our spouse, or to keep our feelings of love to our spouse.

But someone might say – “Wait a minute! The Bible commands in many places that husbands and wives are to love one another”. That is absolutely a true statement. But the love the Bible is describing is love that is made up of actions, not feelings.

I am not commanded to feel an emotional attachment to my wife, I am commanded to take actions of love toward my wife. I wrote about the 12 attributes of Biblical marital love and you can read them here.

I am not commanded to feel attracted to my wife either, only to love her with the actions of love God has defined for a husband and wife.

Let me explain more of what I am saying by defining the sources of love.

The three sources of Love

Family, or instinctual love(Storge) – Most human beings have an instinctual love toward their parents and their children. There are some exceptions as in the case where a parent abuses a child and that child may have no love left for their parent, but in most cases love happens instinctually between parents and children.

Emotional, or Friendship love(Philia) – This is love based on either romantic feelings between a man and woman, feelings of infatuation, or love that is based on common interests. This kind of love is almost 100% based on how much each person puts into the relationship, whether it is a same sex friendship, a dating relationship, or a marriage.

Unconditional love(Agape) – This is a love that is based on a choice, a commitment to love someone no matter what they do. This is the kind of love we are told that God has toward his children (those who trust in his Son). This is highest form of love, because it not based on feelings, or anything that the recipient of this love has done.

God commands husbands and wives to have an unconditional love(Agape) toward one another in the covenant of marriage.

What this means on a practical level is, I am supposed to be patient and kind to my wife no matter what she does. My wife is supposed to protect my reputation and honor me, and I her, regardless of whether we feel an emotional attachment to one another, or attraction to one another.

Marital love is not earned, but emotional love(philia) and attraction are earned

I say everything I have said up to this point to present this extremely important principle for those who are engaged, newlyweds or couples that have been married for a long time.

Many people, both men and women, think that part of unconditional love is the fact that their mate is required to unconditionally feel an emotional attachment to them and also be attracted to them no matter what they do.

You cannot control your emotional attachments, or you whom you are attracted to, you can only control what you do with those feelings and attractions.

But I want my spouse to feel an emotional attachment to me and be attracted to me!

You want your spouse to be attracted to you? You want your spouse to miss you when you are gone and truly want to be around you, not just out of a sense of duty, but also because of how they feel about you?

Make yourself attractive, give them a reason to feel love for you, not just show love out of duty. Make them miss you because of how wonderful you are to be around.

Things that erode attraction and emotional attachment between a husband and wife

Criticism is perhaps the greatest killer of attraction. Every critical word that comes out of your mouth toward your spouse erodes at their attraction to you. Any time your correct your spouse, or tell them they are wrong, or doing something wrong you erode the attraction they have to you.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are times we need to speak the truth in love to our spouses about wrong things they have done. But we should be extremely choosy about when we do this.

Moodiness is another killer of attraction and emotional love as well. Maybe you don’t criticize your spouse much, but you have a frown on your face half of the time. Happiness and contentment are attractive, moodiness and negativity are very unattractive.

Complaining never builds attraction. Yes we all complain at times, but if we have a constantly complaining spirit, this is not an attractive quality. You may not be criticizing or complaining about your spouse, but simply the act of complaining all the time is very unattractive.

Physical appearance – yes physical appearance still matters after you get married, not just before you get married.

Guys – are you shaving and showering on a regular basis? Did you forget where your deodorant or cologne are? If you are not caring for your physical appearance, this can erode attraction and emotional attachment.

Ladies – do you spend most of your time in sweats and tea shirts? Do you ever wear sexy clothes and care about your appearance the way you did when you were dating? Did you forget where your perfume was? If you are not caring for your physical appearance, this can erode attraction and emotional attachment.

But I have tried all these things, but still my spouse is unresponsive!

This is a topic that requires its own post which hopefully I will have something on shortly. For now I will just say it is possible to be married to a spouse that is emotionally stinted (and yes this applies to both men and women). It is also possible to be married to a person that is so self-absorbed, or so overwhelmed by their own emotional issues(such as anger, depression, moodiness, health issues, job issues) that no matter what you do to cultivate attraction and emotional love they will never or rarely respond in a meaningful way. I will address this situation in a separate post.

Conclusion

Each man and woman are different in what they consider to be attractive and what builds emotional attachment for them. You don’t have to earn your spouse’s love in the unconditional, commitment sense of the word. God expects that no matter what, and that keeps marriages together.

But the conditional love, the emotional love,the attraction love, the love that is based on actions and appearance makes marriage much more than a duty, it makes marriage fun and enjoyable.

So you if you want your spouse to love you in the emotional sense, to be attracted to you and to miss you when you are not together – it is all up to you! Ask yourself what you have done and what you are doing to build that attraction and emotional connection. It won’t just happen, it requires intentional action.