Month: October 2022

Modern Polygamy Dating Site

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A new dating site, ModernPolygamy.com, recently launched in February of 2022. It is not solely focused on Christian polygamy nor does it promote a Biblical patriarchal view of marriage. However, it could still be useful for Christians who believe that God never ended his Old Testament allowance for polygamy in the New Testament.

An Overview of ModernPolygamy.com

What follows is the overview I was given from one of the founders of ModernPolygamy.com:

“My wife and I started the site because we had been looking for years and feeling like there were no sites where we felt like we really had a realistic possibility of finding what we hoped for. In the end, we decided that if we truly wanted what we said we wanted then we were going to have to make a site to allow that to happen….for us and a lot of other people that were in the same boat.

After feeling that way for years, we finally decided to go ahead in 2021 and spent the next 8 months on development as everything is 100% custom from the ground up, front end and back. We launched the site in February of 2022.

We do our best to run a tight ship. The idea has always been for it to be the site we would want to join. That guided the design and architecture behind the scenes and continues to guide how we run the site.

We are not solely focused on Christian polygamy, and welcome those that come to this decision for their life by whatever path, but the site will remain firmly family focused both because that is what best serves our members and because that is the type of site we would want to join.

Aside from this different starting point, some key points to know about the site are:

Replying to messages is free (you can do this with a free account)
We have a ~50% rejection rate for new profiles. Pictures and actually writing something half decent is required.
If you have a Premium Membership and then cancel, you will still be able to keep talking with those you have messaged previously.

Premium Member benefits are:

Being able to send initial messages.
Appearing at the top of the search results.
Appearing in the “Recently Online” section of each member’s home page.
Being able to upload an introduction video.

We take privacy very seriously. Profiles and images can not be accessed by search engines. Your profile images are also time sensitive and URL’s will become invalid after 5 minutes.

Cancelation takes 2 clicks and is instant (a link is at the bottom of the Edit Profile page). And in case you are wondering, since it seems to be a thing now with a competing site, we don’t use message bots or fake activity. It is what it is, good or bad. Hopefully good.”

The Biblical Position on Polygamy

Before I give my review of ModernPolygamy.com, I want to give my readers a brief primer on polygamy from a Biblical perspective.

But before we can go to the Scriptures, we need to first define some terms. 

Polygamy refers to the practice of a one person having more than one spouse.  Typically, there are two forms of polygamy, one is polygyny where a man has multiple wives and the other is polyandry where a woman has multiple husbands.

The difference between polygamy and polyamory is that polygamy is gender specific with a group of women each being married to the same man (polygyny) or a group of men with each being married to the same woman (polyandry).  With Polyamory, everyone in the household essentially has intimate relations or is married to every one else. It is not gender specific.  So, in a polyamorous situation, you could have 3 men and 4 women being sexually intimate with each other.

Now that we understand the terms – we can look at what the Bible says about polygamy and polyamory.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 11:9 (KJV) that “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man”.  The Bible also states the following in Romans 7:2-3 (KJV) about women in relation to marriage:

“For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”

In God’s design, woman was made for man, not man for woman.  And a woman can never be married to more than one man at time otherwise she is in violation of God’s law.  This makes polyandry (the practice of a woman having more than one husband) a perversion of God’s design for sex and marriage.

The Bible says the following in Romans 1:18-19 & 26-27 (KJV):

“For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;  Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them…

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:  And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.”

In the passage above, the Bible calls sex “the natural use of the woman”.  When men use other men for their sexual pleasure or women abandon their design to be used by men for sexual pleasure and instead give themselves to other women to be used in this way – they violate God’s design for sex. 

Even beyond the sexual element, God meant marriage to picture the relationship between himself and his people.  In the Old Testament God pictures himself as a husband to the nation of Israel and in the New Testament he pictures himself a husband to the church. 

In Isaiah 54:5 (KJV) God said the following to Israel:

“For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.”

And in Ephesians 5:23-24 (KJV) the Bible says:

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

The point here is clear.  This Scripture passages above make it clear that gay marriage and polyamory are both wicked perversions of God’s design for sex within marriage.

So, if polyandry, gay marriage and polyamory are all violations of God’s design for marriage, then what polygyny (a man having more than one wife)?

We will tackle that question next.

God’s Allowance, Regulation and Blessing of Polygamy in The Bible

The following facts based on the Scriptures shown below prove that not only did God allow and regulate polygamy, but that in fact he blessed the practice.

FACT #1 – God rewarded Leah with another child for giving her husband another wife (Genesis 30:18).  Some try to say she just thought God rewarded her but the Scripture does not EVER record God condemning her for this so we take the Scriptures at face value that God did indeed reward her for giving her maid to her husband as another wife.

FACT #2 – God expressly allows polygyny and set rules for its practice. (Exodus 21:10-11, Deuteronomy 21:15-17, Deuteronomy 25:5-7)

FACT #3 – God while allowing polygyny warns against Kings “multiplying wives” meaning they were not to horde wives as Solomon would later do. – (Deuteronomy 17:17)

FACT #4 – God tells tells David through his Prophet Nathan when he sinned and took another man’s wife (Bathsheba) that he had given David the wives of his master and would have given him more wives (II Samuel 12:8)

FACT #5 – Jehoiada the high priest gets TWO wives for the young king Joash (II Chronicles 24:2-3)

FACT #6 – God pictures himself as polygamist husband to Judah and Israel in (Ezekiel 23:1-5)

FACT #7 – God divorces his first wife which was Israel as nation (Jeremiah 3:8) and in his seeking of his second wife (the church) seeks to make his first wife Israel jealous (Romans 10:19) and one day his first wife Israel as a nation will also be restored in the New Kingdom of God.

Historically polygamy was the norm of the ancient world until the Romans passed laws eliminating the practice forcing those in their empire to adhere to their “romantic” view of marriage – meaning a man could only have one wife.  The truth is that Roman men still had multiple mistresses, they just could only have one legal wife.

For more a lot more detail on the subject of polygamy as well as answers to common Christian objections to the practice see my series on Biblical polygamy on Biblicalsexology.com. 

My point here is that while polyandry, gay marriage and polyamory are all wicked perversions of God’s design for sex and marriage, the Bible shows that God indeed allows and blesses men having marriages to multiple women.

A Word of Warning on Biblical Polygyny

Whenever I have taught on polygamy in the myriad of articles I wrote over the years or in my podcasts I always give this disclaimer.  Just because God created men with polygynous sexual natures and allows and blesses the practice of polygyny does not mean it is always wise for men to seek to pursue polygynous marriage.

The fact that our modern society has made it illegal and is morally opposed to it in most circles makes it very difficult to live this life.  For the most part it must be hidden from those around and this can create great stress on a man’s multiple marriages to multiple women.

It also involves much more responsibility for a man financially, emotionally and spiritually as he must spend time with each of his wives as well as all the children they will produce. 

The truth is there are few men in our modern area that are up to this task financially, emotionally and spiritually.

I myself have chosen to live the monogamous marriage lifestyle and not exercise my right as a Christian man to practice polygyny. 

But for the few Christian men who have the means and mind to be able to do this – that is where a dating site like ModernPolygamy.com may come in handy.

My thoughts on ModernPolygamy.com

ModernPolygamy.com looks like a well-designed dating site with many safe guards and protections for its users.   They also have many useful blog articles which talk about how polygamous relationships work.

But make no mistake ModernPolygamy.com is NOT a Christian site, so you won’t see them condemning polyamory, gay marriage other sexual perversions.  They also do not promote Biblical patriarchy – in fact from many of the articles I read they would seem to promote more of egalitarian marriage model and even in their view of polygynous polygamy the women having equal says in the marriage and actually “date” perspective sister wives both as a couple with their husband and by themselves.

This stands in stark contrast to the Biblical patriarchal view of marriage in which a man has the ultimate choice of if he will take on additional wives and who he will choose.  Yes, there are examples in the Bible of women encouraging their husbands to marry another woman (like Leah did with Jacob) – but this was not a restraint on the man’s ability to marry new wives.  It was just another optional way for him to have new wives.    In other words, under God’s design, a man does not have to involve in his first wife or any other wives in his choice to take on additional wives.

But if we look at ModernPolygamy.com like we would other secular dating sites like Match.com and Eharmony.com – realizing it is just another tool for finding perspective people for marriage while understanding they do not promote a Biblical view of marriage – then it can have value to us as Christians.

A Biblical Perspective on Tomassi vs Tate’s Red Pill

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One of my followers going by the handle “verycuriousreader” wrote the following questions:

“Hey BGR, just curious if your thoughts on the red-pill have change with the evolution AWAY from Tomassi’s manifesto? Because of podcasts like Fresh N Fit, men like Andrew Tate, and even long-time speakers such as Rich Cooper; the narrative of the red-pill has changed largely from the Tomassi’s “men need game to get chicks, that’s all that matters.” Instead we now have a red-pill that aligns with the Tate brother’s principles of: Men MUST amass wealth to create power and influence in a 100% status driven society. Just curious if you had any evolving thoughts on it?”

What I have previously written about Rollo Tomassi’s particular flavor of Red Pill still applies to Andrew Tate’s flavor of Red Pill even if they are coming at it from different vantage points.  There is some truth in what Tomassi says about male and female “intersexual dynamics” and in Tate’s view on men working to achieve status and thereby attract high quality women.

It is absolutely true that men are judged, respected and desired by women primarily based on what they can do, what they have achieved and how much power they have in the business, entertainment or political realms.  While women are simply desired by men primarily based on their beauty – (what they are, not who they are).

However, the Bible shines a great light on all of this.   Just because a behavior is natural does not make it right before God.

I have said it many times on this blog, there is nothing wrong with the fact that the first thing men notice about women, the first thing that draws them to them, is their feminine beauty.  A man being drawn to a woman first by her beauty is the very design of God within him.  And that is why it is important for godly women to try and keep themselves as beautiful as a possible out of respect of God’s design in men to desire female beauty.

A man desiring a woman’s beauty images God’s desire for beauty as seen in Psalm 45:10-11 (KJV) which pictures Christ as king desiring the beauty of his bride, the church:

“Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father’s house;  So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.”

But the Bible also tells men they must look deeper at a woman than her superficial beauty, that they should look to see if a woman’s spirit on the inside is as beautiful as her outward body.  The Bible says in Proverbs 31:30 (KJV) “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised”. 

Proverbs 31:30 is not saying that beauty is meaningless as God has designed women to be beautiful for men and for men to desire the beauty of women.  But what God is saying is that a man should value a woman’s godly character, her submissiveness, her quietness, her meekness and her desire to serve God by serving her husband, her children and her home even more than he values her beauty.

Many men have throughout the years have tried Tomassi’s “game” short cuts without actually having any real accomplishments in life.  Maybe they even worked out and buffed themselves up a bit to add to their game, but besides that they have really done nothing with their lives.  And I would agree with those who say just gaming women and having sex with as many random women as possible would be a very empty and meaningless life.

But now let’s zoom in on Tate’s “Men MUST amass wealth to create power and influence” flavor of Red Pill. 

Yes, men absolutely are called to be workers and to be diligent in their life’s work.  The Bible says in Proverbs 10:4 (KJV) “He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich” and in Proverbs 22:29 (KJV) the Bible says “Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men”. 

But there are men who have done great things in this life for God, yet they really never had much for themselves and their families.  For example, George Mueller (1805-1898) helped over 10,000 orphans in his life time and is still remembered to this day.  Yet he and his family lived a very simple life.

And there are many men in ministry fields who have had little to offer women from a financial perspective, but these men were able to attract women who were seeking men based on their godly character and not these things that Tomassi or Tate talk about.

My point is that while there are some truths in Red Pill, both in Tomassi’s teachings and in Tate’s, they are still approaching male/female relationships from a naturalistic world view without the very important spiritual aspect of male/female relationships.

Both Tomassi and Tate miss the fact that if a woman is raised in a godly home, by a godly father and mother who practice Biblical patriarchy before her – that woman is not going to care about the things Tomassi and Tate say women are looking for.

If she is strong in her faith and knows the kind of man she is looking for – no man will be able to game such a woman.  And to this godly woman, all the money and power a man has will not matter.  What will matter to her is if a man has godly character and that he has a clear vision of his mission that God has given him. 

A man that sees his calling from God, whether it be in full time ministry or something in the secular world in business, politics or other areas.  A man who understands that God has given him a multifaceted mission to make his mark on the world outside his home, but also to make his mark in his home as a husband and father.  This is the kind of man that will be very attractive to a godly woman no matter what he looks like, how funny he is or how much money he has in the bank.

Is Red Pill Biblical?

A Biblical Guide To Implementing Sexual Role Play In Christian Marriage

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In this new 3 part series from BGRLearning.com I discuss why sexual role play is not only acceptable, but also beneficial in Christian marriage in addition to discussing Biblical boundaries on sexual role play as well as giving ideas husbands can try out with their wives.

In Part 1 of this series, I lay the Biblical foundation for sexual role play in marriage and show how it can strengthen a woman’s appreciation and respect for her husband’s masculine sexual nature which is very different from her own.

In Part 2 of this series, I give Biblically based boundaries for husbands when they are designing role play scenarios for themselves and their wives.

In Part 3 of this series, I give 9 Biblically based role playing scenario ideas for husbands which can lay the groundwork for unlimited variations on these scenarios to be enjoyed in Christian marriage.

Go to BGRLearning.com and subscribe today to listen to this series.

A Biblical Guide To Implementing Sexual Role Play In Christian Marriage