Four Biblical Ways a Christian Wife Can Cope with a Cheating Husband

The world and sadly many churches today tell women to leave their cheating husbands.   But is this what the Bible tells women to do? How can a woman possibly stay with a cheating husband? How could she cope with this on a daily basis and have any kind of a relationship with her husband knowing what he is doing?

In my new podcast series on BGRLearning.com entitled “Four Biblical Ways a Christian Wife Can Cope with a Cheating Husband”, I first start out with an email from a Christian wife named Beth.  She has been married 8 years and has three children.  She recently discovered that her husband has been engaging in sexual sin while he is away on business trips.

I help her and other wives to navigate the range of emotions they are experiencing and point them to the Bible to put their husbands’ sin in a right Biblical perspective.  It is only when a woman sees her husband’s sin from God’s perspective and that she can fully accept how God wants her to cope with her husband’s sin.

Whoremongering husbands are nothing new in the history of the world.   Both men and women have been engaging in sexual sin since the beginning of mankind.  And as with many things in the Bible, his instructions to wives in how to deal with and cope with their husband’s sin is different than his instructions for men. 

It is possible for a Christian wife to have a good relationship, a loving relationship, with her whoremongering husband if she follows the commands and principles of the Word of God that I talk about in this series.

Many Christian women today may find this impossible to believe, but with God all things are possible. 

Even if you are not married or are married and don’t have a whoremongering husband, the Biblical principles in this series will help to strengthen your marriage.

Click here to go to BGRLearning.com today and subscribe to listen to this series as well as hundreds of other podcasts on masculinity, femininity courtship, marriage and sex all from a Biblical perspective.

The Bible Never Calls Women “Daughters of the King”

This “daughter of the king” theology (really heresy) has been taught for many years by both conservative and liberal Christian women.  And this teaching has been extended to men being taught that “Husbands should treat their wives as daughters of the king”.  In other words, husbands should treat their wives as princesses.

In her book “Everyday Princess: Daughter of the King”, Sheila Keckler Butt writes the following:

“Young ladies: Wouldn’t it be awesome to be a real princess… not just for a day… or for a month… but for everyday… forever?! God invites as to be just that, and then gives us the perfect instruction manual for becoming His child and living like a courageous daughter of The King.”

But the truth is that nowhere, not one time in the Scriptures, are Christian women referred to as “Daughters of the King” or as princesses.

Christians Have One Prince and That is Jesus Christ

The Bible calls us “the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:26).  And it also says God “predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself” (Ephesians 1:5).  So, we as believers are adopted children of God through faith in Jesus Christ – Amen.

The Bible calls us as Christians “a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9) and says that we are citizens of heaven (Philippians 3:20).   

But the Bible never ever refers to Christians as princes or princesses.  Only Jesus Christ is called a prince in relation to God:

“The God of our fathers raised up Jesus, whom ye slew and hanged on a tree. Him hath God exalted with his right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins.”

Acts 5:30-31 (KJV)

Does the Bible Tell Husbands to Treat their Wives as Daughters of the King or Princesses?

Nowhere does the Bible say what we see on Instagram, Facebook pages or Christian blogs that husbands should treat their wives as “daughters of king” aka princesses.   But rather, this is how the Bible actually tells husbands to treat their wives:

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)

The Bible teaches us that men are to honor their wives as “the weaker vessel” and if their wife is a Christian, they are to honor her as a fellow heir of eternal life.  Neither this passage, or any other passage of the Bible tells men to honor their wives as “daughters of the king” or “princesses of God”.

But while the Bible never refers to Christians as princes or princesses it does in fact refer to husbands as the earthly lords (masters) of their wives:

“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

1 Peter 3:5-6 (KJV)

Conclusion

God has given women an important part to play in his creation plan.   He has made woman beautiful for man, to bring man pleasure, to bear and care for his children, to keep his home and submit to and serve him (Song of Solomon 4:7, Proverbs 5:18-19, 1 Timothy 5:14, Ephesians 5:22-24).

The modern “daughter of the king” teaching which is popular among Christian women today is just another way of elevating women to a place God never meant them to be in.   

The Bible does not teach that husbands should treat their wives as “daughters of the king” but it does teach women to treat their husbands as their masters (1 Peter 3:5-6).

To listen to hundreds of podcasts about gender roles, masculinity, femininity, courting, marriage and sex all from a Biblical perspective go to BGRLearning.com and subscribe today. 

It Is a Sin for Wives to Be Jealous of Their Husbands


Many women today believe it is absolutely righteous for them to be jealous of their husbands.  And they are even backed in their jealousy toward their husbands by many modern Christian preachers, teachers and counselors.

But such a teaching, that it is right for women to be jealous over their husbands, is found nowhere in the Scriptures.  In fact, the Scriptures show the very opposite. 

A woman entertaining and acting upon jealous feelings toward her husband is a sin because her jealousy is a complete rejection of God’s design of the masculine sexual nature and God’s allowance for polygamy.

A Husband’s Jealousy Over His Wife Is Righteous

In Ezekiel 16:38 (KJV) we read “And I will judge thee, as women that break wedlock and shed blood are judged; and I will give thee blood in fury and jealousy”.  A husband’s possessive jealousy over his wife images God’s jealousy over his wife Israel and it is a righteous and holy type of jealousy. 

The Husband Exclusively Owns His Wife, the Wife Does Not Own Her Husband

The Bible says the following in Deuteronomy 22:22 (KJV):

“If a man be found lying with a woman married [Hebrew: “baal” as pronoun – “owned”] to an husband [Hebrew: “baal” as noun “Master/Owner”], then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.”

This principle of the husband’s mastery over his wife is reinforced in the New Testament as well in 1 Peter 3:5-6 (KJV):

“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord [Greek “kurios” Master/Owner]: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

In the Scriptures, for a woman to be married means for her to owned by a husband.  He owns her, she does not own him.
This is why the Bible allows husbands to have more than one wife (Polygyny),but forbids wives to have more than one husband (Polyandry).  Regarding men taking second wives the Scriptures state the following:

“If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish”

Exodus 21:10 (KJV)

The Bible uses two different words for ownership.  The Greek Word “heautou” always means exclusive ownership while the Greek word “idios” can mean someone being owned by another or someone having shared access to someone or something. Consider these uses of “idios”:

“For Jesus himself testified, that a prophet hath no honour in his own [idios] country.” 

John 4:44 (KJV)

“Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own [idios] master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.” 

Romans 14:4 (KJV)

Now let’s consider the following New Testament passage which so many Pastors today wrongly teach as husbands and wives mutually owning one another:

“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own [heautou] wife, and let every woman have her own [idios] husband.” 

1 Corinthians 7:2 (KJV)

When we consider the fact that the husband is the master and owner of his wife and the fact that God uses the word for exclusive ownership – “heautou” – when it comes to a man’s ownership over his wife – yet he uses the word idios which when used with masters means the very opposite – “owned” we see a very different picture than what is told to us in many pulpits today. 

But while the husband is his wife’s master, she is not his slave.  She is his wife.  Exodus 21:10 as well as 1 Corinthians7:3-5 show us that a wife is to have shared access to her husband’s provision, protection and his body in the bed. 

Many Christian women today comfort themselves in their possessive jealousy over their husbands by saying “God only made one wife for the first man”.  Yet they ignore the fact that God made the second man marry his sister. 

The fact is in order to understand God’s full design for marriage we must look at the complete revelation of God from Genesis to Revelation.  Only when we do this will we will then understand that a man having one wife as well as a man marrying his sister were temporary. That later in the law of Moses God would take away his temporary allowance for sibling marriage while at the same time expanding on his allowance for polygamy.  And God never removed his allowance for polygamy in the New Testament no matter how much many Christians would like to believe he did.

The evidence is all over the Bible – women do NOT have a right to be possessively jealous over their husbands but husbands absolutely have a right to be possessively jealous over their wives. 

A wife’s jealousy over her husband’s thoughts or glancing at other women or liking certain actresses in movies or TV can cause a lot of problems in marriage.  It is only when a wife’s sinful jealousy is confronted by both herself and her husband that men can be free to exercise their full masculine nature.


And what does a husband fully exercising his masculine polygynous nature look like? Does it mean he runs out and gets another wife? In most cases the answer is no – he is not going to do that.  In 21st century America, it is rare for husbands to act on their right to take additional wives.  It is a difficult life not only for financial reasons but also because of our societal condemnation of polygamy. 

But here is what a man being free to fully exercise his God give masculine polygynous sexual nature will most likely look like.  He won’t go out and get another wife – but he may ask his wife to engage in sexual role play acting like she is another woman.  He might feel free to watch movies and TV shows with actresses he likes where before he would worry about incurring the jealous rage of his wife.  He won’t have to look at the ground when he goes to the mall or especially the beach because he is afraid his wife might see him enjoying the beauty of other women around him.

 
Possessive Jealousy Verses Envious Jealousy

As I have shown throughout this article, possessive jealousy by a woman toward her husband is always wrong because this kind of jealousy reflects a rejection of God’s design of masculinity and marriage.
But there is another type of jealousy, envious jealousy, which God was attempting to provoke in his wife Israel.  In the context of speaking about his first wife Israel (whom he divorced for adultery) God said this about his new bride the Church:

“I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.”
Romans 11:11 (KJV)

God in taking the church (a new spiritual body made up of believing Jews and Gentiles) was seeking to provoke his old wife (ethnic Jews – Israel) to envious jealousy.  His goal is for the Jews who rejected him to see how well he treats the church so that Israel (ethnic Jews collectively) will one day want him back as her husband. And this is a way that wives can totally transform their possessive jealousy into an envious jealousy that drives them to be better wives to their husbands. 

But to explain how women can do this I need to first give a brief review of love in marriage.

A husband’s love for his wife in the form of his leadership, provision, and protection towards her is unconditional.  She does not have to earn that – he committed these things to her on the day he took her as his wife. 

But most women confuse Agape love (committed love) with Phileo love (feelings love) and Eros love (sexual love).   A woman does not have earn her husband’s committed love, but she very much has to earn his Phileo and Eros love by what she does toward him. 

This is why the Bible commands that husbands are to be ravished (sexually intoxicated) by their wives in Proverbs 5:19. And this command requires the participation of both the husband and the wife.  A husband cannot be ravished by a prudish wife and a wife cannot ravish a husband who ignores her attempts to ravish him.

So here is how women can transform their possessive jealousy into an envious jealously which fuels positive change in their marriage.   Instead of being mad at him for checking out that woman in the mall – the ravishing wife takes what she saw and offers to role play being that woman in bed with her husband at home.  Or maybe she sees some sexual acts in a movie her and her husband are watching and sees that he likes it – maybe later than evening or another night she seeks to recreate what they saw that he likes.

My point is that a woman’s jealousy can be used for good or for evil.  And women should redirect and harness their jealousy for the good of their husbands and their marriages.

Why keep speaking on Polygamy?

A lot of my traditional Christian followers write me wishing I would stop talking about Biblical polygamy. It makes them uncomfortable.  

I consider myself a traditional Christian.  But unlike many traditional Christians today, my traditional beliefs are not based in 1950s American values.

My beliefs are based upon traditional values which started with the teachings and law God gave to Moses more than 3500 years ago.

And I fully recognize the progressive revelation of God and the fact that in the New Testament the Civil and Ceremonial laws of Israel are replaced with the new law of Christ.  But the moral law of the Old Testament remains and acceptance of it is crucial for us to understand God’s view of marriage and sexuality.

Go to BGRLearning.com to listen to hundreds of podcasts on topics such as gender roles, marriage and sexuality from a Biblical perspective.

Virtuous Women Are Rarely Found – They Are Made By Godly Husbands

3000 years ago, the Bible declared in Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”  In other words, long before feminism infested and poisoned every part of our modern society it was hard for a man to find a woman who thought and acted as God wants wives to.

So why was it hard even 3000 years ago for a man to find a virtuous woman? The answer is one word – sin.  Sin corrupts the perfect masculine and feminine human natures that God created in Eden. 

Sin corrupts us both mentally and physically.  It also corrupts us differently as men and women.   Sin is why we get sick and why we age and it is why we will eventually die.  It is why people have mental illnesses including issues with depression and anxiety. 

Women tend to suffer from some common corruptions of their feminine natures by sin.  Women typically are affected by depression and anxiety issues at a much higher rate then men are. 

God created women as feelings-based beings, rather than duty-based beings as men are.   And sin corrupts the emotions of women causing them to fail in their duties as wives, mothers and keepers of their homes.

This is why the vast majority of women need their husband to love them as Christ loves his church by washing their spots and wrinkles, teaching them, rebuking them and chastening them in order for them to become the glorious wives God wants them to be.

Single Christian men – the Scriptures declare that it is nearly impossible to find a woman who will come to you prepackaged as a good wife. If you are looking for a woman that has everything in her life together, is disciplined and has her emotions completely in control you may find yourself one day being a 40-year-old virgin.

Are there single women who are not yet everything a good wife should be? Women who love God, believe they must live by his Word, believe in male headship, believe in women being keepers at home and aspire to become good wives one day with their help of their husbands and God?  Yes.  And those are the women Christian men should be looking for.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”

Ephesians 5:25-27 (KJV)

Virtuous women are rarely found that way. It is only after years of washing, teaching, rebuking and chastening by their husbands that that most women achieve this noble status.

Would you like to listen to hundreds of podcasts about what the Bible says regarding masculinity, femininity, courtship, marriage, sex in marriage and many other gender related topics?

Go to BGRLearning.com and subscribe today!

Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History, But They Make Great Wives and Mothers

At the height of the second wave feminist movement of the 1970s, the phrase “Well-behaved women seldom make history“ was coined by Harvard professor Laurel Thatcher Ulrich.  She wrote the phrase while writing a little article in 1976 about funeral services and lamenting that the good that women do in society often goes unnoticed.  In that article, she was not meaning to encourage women to misbehave in order to get attention.

But then her newly coined phrase “Well-behaved women seldom make history“ took on a life of its own. Feminists worldwide seized on the phrase and it went viral.  It then became a rallying cry for women to rise up against “the patriarchy”.

It is true that well-behaved women seldom make it into the history books, but sometimes they do.  There is a woman in the Bible whose good behavior, reverence and submission toward her husband earned her the place of being an example for all woman.  And this woman’s name was Sarah.

“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” 1 Peter 3:5-6

Ladies – even if your name is never recorded in a history book, you can make history in the lives of your children, your grandchildren and your great grandchildren.   Your example of submission, service and reverence to your husband and your service to your children can make history in their lives and have a greater impact that you may ever know.

A Godly Wife Is Her Teacher’s Pet

Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines a “teacher’s pet” as “a pupil who has won the teacher’s special favor”.  And this is what every wife should strive for, to be her husband’s pet, his student who has won his special favor.

The Bible teaches that a woman is not only to regard her husband as her head (Eph 5:23) and her master (1 Peter 3:6) but also as her teacher.

The Bible says this of wives in 1 Corinthians 14:35:

“And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.”

And 1 Peter 3:1-2 teaches wives to win their husbands with their subjection, their reverence and overall good behavior.

The husband is to be his wife’s teacher.  Her worldview should be shaped by his teachings. And the wife is to be the teacher’s pet.

This requires a woman to humble herself and rid herself of the pride that this modern post feminist world fills women with.

Does God Allow Women to Make Their Own Decisions?

“It seems to me that people who believe in Biblical Patriarchy as you do think that women are incapable of making any decisions.  Why would God give women the human ability to reason as men do if he never intended them to make any decisions for themselves?” This was a question I recently received from one of my readers.

Obviously, the person who wrote me these questions does not believe in Biblical Patriarchy and like many people they have a negative view of it.  So, what does the Bible say about women making decisions? Does it allow women to make decisions?

The Husband is the Head of the Home but the Wife is the Manager of it

The Bible says the following about a husband’s headship over his wife:

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

Ephesians 5:23-24 (KJV)

God has established three spheres of human authority and they are the family, the church and civil government.   And while no human authority sphere is unlimited its power, the husband’s authority over his wife is the most powerful of all human authorities because his authority over his wife extends into the most personal areas of another person’s life.

But the husband’s very personal authority over his wife’s life does not mean she cannot make any decisions for herself.  In fact, a good wife makes many decisions on a daily basis.

The Bible admonishes women to regard their husbands as their earthly lords in 1 Peter 3:6. But one of the primary ways a wife serves her husband, her master, is by managing the affairs of his home. 

The Bible speaks to the woman’s duty to manage the affairs of the home in the following passage:

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

I Timothy 5:14 (KJV)

The phrase “guide the house” is an English translation of the Greek word “Oikodespoteo”, which comes from two Greek words “oikos” (house) and “despoteo” (to rule). This literally means to occupy one’s self in the management of a household.  A manager is one who must make decisions.  Therefore, we can rightly say that God does in fact want women to make decisions on a daily basis as they manage the affairs of the home.

In the passage below from the book of Proverbs, the Bible gives us an entire list of examples of decisions that good wives could make on a daily basis:

“10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:10-31 (KJV)

So, as we can see from the above passage from Proverbs, women can make many kinds of decisions.  They can decide what dinners to make and what kinds of clothes they would like to make or buy for their family on a daily basis.  They could decide to sell at a market, fair or online – things they make in their home.  They could decide to use their wisdom and years of experience to teach other women how to be godly wives and mothers by teaching a woman’s Sunday school class at church or writing a woman’s blog.  They could choose to make food or clothing to help the poor and needy around them.  They could organize meals with other women to assist people in their church that are sick or otherwise in need of help.

They could decide to ravish their husband sexually as Proverbs 5:19 exhorts them to do and invite their husband to feast on their bodies as the wife does in Song of Solomon 4:16.

There are so many good decisions that women can and should make on a daily basis.

Man Can Override the Decisions of Woman

The Bible actually dedicates an entire chapter to the subject of women making personal decisions.  It is found in the book of Numbers.

“1 And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes concerning the children of Israel, saying, This is the thing which the Lord hath commanded.

2 If a man vow a vow unto the Lord, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth.

3 If a woman also vow a vow unto the Lord, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father’s house in her youth;  4 And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her; then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand.

5 But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the Lord shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her. 6 And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; 7 And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand.

8 But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the Lord shall forgive her.

9 But every vow of a widow, and of her that is divorced, wherewith they have bound their souls, shall stand against her.

10 And if she vowed in her husband’s house, or bound her soul by a bond with an oath; 11 And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her, and disallowed her not: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. 12 But if her husband hath utterly made them void on the day he heard them; then whatsoever proceeded out of her lips concerning her vows, or concerning the bond of her soul, shall not stand: her husband hath made them void; and the Lord shall forgive her.

13 Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void.

14 But if her husband altogether hold his peace at her from day to day; then he establisheth all her vows, or all her bonds, which are upon her: he confirmeth them, because he held his peace at her in the day that he heard them.

15 But if he shall any ways make them void after that he hath heard them; then he shall bear her iniquity.

16 These are the statutes, which the Lord commanded Moses, between a man and his wife, between the father and his daughter, being yet in her youth in her father’s house.”

And now we come to the truth of the matter.    Egalitarians and even many complementarians who hate the doctrines of Patriarchy found in the Bible know that God does in fact allow women to make decisions.  But what they don’t like is that women can and should be held accountable for their decisions by their male heads, whether they be their fathers or their husbands.  They hate that God gives fathers the authority to overrule any decisions their daughters make and especially hate that God gives husbands the authority to overrule or literally void any decisions their wives make. 

Conclusion

While wives can make decisions, they should only make decisions which they do not believe will conflict with their husband’s will in any given matter.

And really, this is a question we should all ask ourselves about each decision we make on a daily basis.  In the book of James, we read the following principle about making decisions:

“13 Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain: 14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

15 For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.”

James 4:13-15 (KJV)

All of us are accountable to the Lord for every decision we make.  As men we can also be held accountable for some decisions by our civil authorities and for other decisions by our church authorities. But in some decisions a man makes, he is accountable only to God.  It is not the same for women. A woman can held accountable for every decision she makes by her father or her husband.   And this is what opponents of the doctrines of Biblical patriarchy hate as it conflicts their humanist ideals of individuality and equality.

The Bible however stands in full opposition to the humanist ideals of individuality and social equality and that is why humanists want to rid it from all areas of our society.

Thankfully though, we have this promise regarding the Word of God:

“For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away: But the word of the Lord endureth for ever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you.”

1 Peter 1:24-25 (KJV)

The Greatest Threat to Feminism is Patriarchy loving SAHMs

The young woman pictured above is Madison, otherwise known as @thereservedwife.  I came across a video she did on Tik Tok and it was awesome! She talked about how she just loves to do all the cooking and cleaning in her home.  She also talked about how feminists by the hundreds come on her videos telling her how she is “wasting her life” and “setting women back decades”.  And I love how at the end of the video she tells her feminist detractors that she was engaged at 18, married at 19, pregnant at 20 and gave birth to her first child at 21.  And then to really stick it to her feminist detractors, she adds that she is pregnant with her second child and barefoot in the kitchen.

I also looked up another video where she talked about her background a bit and she mentioned that she did not go to college, had no plans to go to college, because it would have saddled her future husband with debt and would have been a waste of time because she would not be using it as a stay-at-home mom. 

In many ways this woman sounds just like my 19 year old daughter who just graduated from high school. I showed her Madison’s video and she was very encouraged and blessed by it as she has been by so many other young Christian SAHMs who are now taking a stand for God in this way.

SAHMs like Madison are a grave threat to feminism.  Why? Not just because she is a SAHM, but because she is SAHM by conviction.  She was not forced to be a SAHM, she chose the life and actually promotes the lifestyle to other women.  Not only is she an SAHM, but she also believes patriarchy is good thing.

Feminists can easily dismiss men teaching about the need for women to return to their traditional place in the home as a “self-serving” exercise.  But they cannot dismiss the myriads of young women who are now choosing the SAHM lifestyle and those who have very happy and fulfilling lives as a result.  And that is why godly women like Madison who are Bible believing SAHMs and support patriarchy are such a threat to our post feminist culture.

You can find her video here.

Career Women Are Failures in the Sight of God

When I make the bold claim, which I will support with the Bible, that career women are a failures in the sight of God I am not talking about women who are forced to work to feed their families. I am not talking about the women who tried for years without success to find a husband and simply needed to support themselves. I am not talking about women whose husband’s became disabled, died or abandoned them. In other words, I am not talking about women who did not choose to have to have a career outside the home.

I am talking about women who planned on it from the time they were teenagers.

For these women their dream was their career. And they may or may not have wanted a husband and some kids to go on the side with that career. These are the women that are utter and colossal failures in the sight of their creator whether they realize it now or not. And one day they will stand before God ashamed of the fact that they did not fulfill the purpose for which he created them.

In Galatians 1:10 the Bible says “For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ”. This Biblical principle should be at the forefront of our minds as Christians each and every day in the decisions we make.

Recently a young woman calling herself Shary wrote me about her concerns about being seen as a failure in the eyes of her family:

“Can’t God use certain women through their careers for His will. For example I’m going to be a freshman college student starting this fall (with the intention of becoming a doctor) after taking a gap year to work. I feel conflicted because over the past several months I have been reading your blog and you write a lot that women should strive to be keepers at home. I would like to get married and have children, but at the same time I feel like I need to go to school or else I’ll just be a huge disappointment to my family. I don’t know if this is because I’ve been conditioned to think this way all my life or for some other reason, I just feel that if I don’t go to school and become a doctor I’d be a failure.”

My Response to Shary And Other Women Facing this Conflict

Shary, you asked if God can use women through their careers for “his will”? The last part of that question is the key to finding the answer to your question. So how do we know God’s will for women? For that we need to look to the Bible.

The Bible tells us for what purpose he created women in Genesis 2:18 when it states “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him”. So, we learn from Genesis 2 that God created woman as companion and helper suitable for man. The only way she could be suitable to be man’s life companion and helper was for her to have a human nature as he had. That is why God took the woman from the man.

But what kind of companion and helper did God intend for woman to be for man? Was she intended to be his equal partner and for both of them to do the same things and go and pursue their own missions?

The answer is found in Titus 2:4-5 where the Bible states “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed”.

God created woman not as an equal partner with man to have equal rights and to pursue a career outside the home as he does. But rather, the Scriptures are explicit on this that God intended for a woman’s life focus to be on serving the needs of her husband, her children and her home.

What About the Proverbs 31 Wife?

Some Christians who want to try and get around God’s explicit command for women to be keepers at home will attempt to skirt it by pointing to passages like Proverbs 31:16 which states “She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard”. They say “See – there is a career woman in the Bible! She is a land developer”.

As Bible believing Christians, we know that the Scriptures never contradict. So, we know that there is no conflict between the Bible saying in Titus 2:5 that women are to be keepers at home and Proverbs 31:16 showing a woman buying a piece of land and farming it for food. Those who say Proverbs 31 shows a career woman are reading something into the text that is not there and also ignoring the overall theme in the passage that the focus of her life is serving her husband and his home. Does it say she spends 50 or 60 hours a week buying and farming fields? No, it does not. It says she buys “a field”. Does it say she does not bring her children to help farm the field with her? No, it does not. Does it say she leaves her children with her maidens to watch them while she pursues her career in farming? Again, no it does not.

Those who read a career woman into Proverbs 31, a woman who spends upwards of 50 hours a week pouring her energy into things outside her home, are in error. They are ignoring not only the clear command of Titus 2:5 for women to be keepers at home, but also other parts of the same passage in Proverbs 31, like verse 27 which states “She looketh well to the ways of her household…”.

It is Impossible to be a Keeper at Home and a Keeper at a Career

It is impossible, utterly impossible, for a woman to be a keeper at home and at the same time spend 50 hours a week or more giving her energy to things outside her home.

Feminism sells women this lie. And sadly, even most of our modern churches today have bought this lie. They tell women they can spend 50 hours a week outside their home “following their dreams” while having a husband and kids on the side at home. What they don’t tell them is what really happens.

They don’t tell them about the anguish many of these women feel when they have to leave their young infants with others when they know an infant needs its mother. They don’t tell them about the anguish they will feel when their home is in utter disarray because they have such little energy to keep up with it. They don’t tell them about the fights they will have with their husband over who does what. They don’t tell them about when her career moves conflict with his career. And then after handling the job, the house and the kids many career women have little energy left for their husbands. And then marriages die.

Of course, there are the women who are “without natural affection” as 2 Timothy 3:3 alludes to. These women actually care more about themselves than their children or husbands. These are the women that murder their children by aborting them for the sake of their career ambitions. If these women do have children, they have absolutely no problem dropping off their crying infants with others to pursue their selfish ambitions. They have no problem donating the vast majority of their waking hours to endeavors outside their home and giving only the scraps left of their time to their children and their husbands.

And these women are a “success” in the view of our modern humanist and feminist culture.

Conclusion

So, we just described two types of women. The first group are women who after believing the lies of feminism later come to feel remorse for the decisions that they made. But now they are trapped because they have made their economic situation dependent on their income. Then we have the second group of more sinister women who lack natural affection and have absolutely no remorse for the impact that there career takes on their husbands, their children or their homes.

Are you one of these women that lacks natural affection? Could you drop your two-month-old infant off without it bothering you a bit? Could you see the stress your career places on your home, your children and your husband and be happy with giving them only the scraps left of your time and energy each day?

But there is something even more important to consider than just the impacts of a career on your future husband, children and home.

The Scriptures tell us in 1 Corinthians 11:9 “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man”.

The following statement I make to women who are not keepers at home by their own choice and design, and not because of circumstances outside of their control.

If you as a woman are not a keeper at home (and you have no desire to be so), if the majority of your time and energy are not spent supporting your husband in his career, meeting his needs sexual and otherwise, bearing his children, caring for his children and caring for the needs of his home then your life will be a failure in the sight of the one who created you.

So, are you as a woman more concerned with being seen as a failure in the eyes of our humanist culture, your parents and friends or are you more concerned with being a failure in the eyes of God?

The last subject I want to briefly touch on is celibacy.

God’s rule for men and women is marriage and having children. His exception his celibacy. And God only calls us to celibacy “that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction” (I Corinthians 7:35). Celibacy is to be used for service to the kingdom of God, not for selfish ambitions or to avoid the risks or responsibilities of marriage and having children.

So, could a woman decide to dedicate her life to God by helping on mission fields or by being a doctor, a nurse, a school teacher or other such profession? Yes. But she needs to make sure that she is doing this for the right reasons.

See these two articles I previously wrote for more these subjects:

For what reasons does God allow celibacy?

Why does God make some women with a genius level IQ if he wants all women to be homemakers?

Are You a “What about him?” Woman?

In the Gospel of John there is an incident where John is leaning on Christ’s chest as Jesus tells his disciples about the future.  In John 21:21-22, we read “Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?  Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.

What was Jesus saying to Peter? He was saying “Don’t be concerned about what I have for him to do in his life, only be concerned about what I have for you to do in your life”.

Is your knee jerk reaction as a Christian woman, when you hear tough Biblical teaching toward women, “What about him?” Or more specifically “What about the men?” This mindset comes not from God, but rather the feminist and humanist culture you have been brought up in.  And more often than not, this response is a cover for your own conviction of sin as a woman. You feel that conviction and want to deflect as quickly as possible to the men.

If this is your reaction as a woman, you have a major spiritual defect in your thinking.    The Bible commands us as Christians And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God in Romans 12:2.

Don’t worry about the men.  Leave the men to other men and to God.  Only be concerned about what God has for you to do in this life as a woman.

God has given men and women different roles to play in this life and thus different races to run.  And one of the critical differences between the roles of men and women is that God has given men spiritual oversight and responsibility for the women in their lives.  So, men must be concerned not only with how they fulfill the role God has given them as men, but they must also be concerned with the instruction and discipline of women under their spiritual authority as well.

This same thing cannot be said for women.  Women should only be concerned with the role God has given them as women and leave the men to other men and ultimately to God.   Heed Christ’s words to Peter “what is that to thee? follow thou me.