Is the romantic approach to sex the only Biblical approach to sex in marriage?

The vast majority of church pastors and Christian teachers today would have Christians believe that a romantic and feminine centric approach to sex is the only approach to sex which God approves of. 

Teachings like “Let’s get rid of duty of sex” and “Intercourse is not automatically intimacy” and “Real intimacy requires selflessness” are common teachings on some Christian Masculinity and Femininity Instagram pages.   

The common thread in many of these teachings is if men seek sex with their wives in way that is more pleasing for themselves and not as pleasing to their wives that they are being “selfish” and “childish”.  

And then we have other Christian Masculinity teachers making the following statements and encouraging their male followers to believe and emulate these statements:

“I don’t need sex from my wife, I don’t care about it, I don’t do anything for it…except be the most attractive version of me, and so therefore she is all over me like white on rice, because this is the standard.”

“You don’t NEED to have sex with your wife, you don’t NEED her to do anything for you…”

I am not arguing that the romantic approach to sex is bad or wrong.  In fact, I see in the Scriptures that the romantic approach to sex is actually commanded of husbands.

However, the romantic approach to sex is not the only approach to sex that God commands of husbands toward their wives or of wives toward their husbands.  And this is the truth that engaged couples as well as married couples need to understand and accept.

The truth is that the Bible teaches that there are two other approaches to sex in marriage besides the romantic approach and one of these other approaches to sex is actually commanded just like the romantic approach to sex is commanded. 

A marriage which only incorporates the romantic feminine centric approach to sex is not honoring God because it does not fulfill all his commands and purposes for sex in marriage.

In my new two-part podcast series entitled “Three Biblical Approaches to Sex In Marriage” I answer these questions and more using Biblical principles, commands and sexual euphemisms:

What are the differences between the masculine and feminine sexual natures?

Do men and women need or just desire sex?

Is there a difference between intercourse and intimacy?

How is sexual selfishness defined?

Is it wrong for a man to see his wife as a sex object?

Is it wrong for a man to grope his wife?

Does a man always have to make sure his wife is in the mood before they have sex?

Is it wrong for a man to ask his wife do sexual things she is not comfortable with?

Is it wrong for a man to have dominant or rough sex with his wife in marriage?

How can husbands determine a proper balance between the three approaches as they seek to lead their wives sexually in marriage?

You click on the link below to go to my podcast site, BGRLearning.com and listen to this two part podcast and hundreds of other podcasts about sex, gender roles and marriage all from a Biblical perspective.

Three Biblical Approaches to Sex in Marriage