Should a husband invite “critical feedback” from his wife as to how she would rate him as a man, a husband and a father? Specifically, should he invite her to point out areas where she thinks he may be going wrong as a man, a husband and a father and where he needs to improve?
This is what Brian Sauvé, Pastor of Refuge Church in Ogden, Utah recommends that husbands do with their wives.
Let me first say before I continue that like me, Brian Sauvé is a big proponent of Biblical Patriarchy. And I agree with many things he writes.
In a Twitter post on January 2, 2023 Sauvé wrote the following:
“Men, your wife should have your explicit permission to give you critical feedback in private.
One of the most important aspects of successfully wielding authority is to make it easy to learn where you could improve.
A wise, respectful wife is a gift – don’t squander her help.”
Sauvé then went on to clarify these comments in one of his podcasts. He compared wives being able to offer critical feedback to their husbands to church members being able to bring criticisms they have of elders and military officers bringing criticisms to their superior officers.
He also said that Pastors or elders of the church were like “referees” over the marriages in their churches and were there to call “call balls and strikes” between husbands and wives when they had marital issues and disagreements.
Sauvé qualified his recommendation that a wife should give “critical feedback” to their husband in private and in a respectful manner.
Should Men Invite Critical Feedback from Their Wives?
The Bible does not say in Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a wife sharpeneth the countenance of her husband.” It says men sharpen men. And women are sharpened by fathers, husbands and other godly women. Women are not called to shape and sharpen their husbands.
In his podcast on this subject, Sauvé gave examples of the ability of church members to be able to bring criticisms against elders and subordinate military officers to bring criticisms against their superior officers. But marriage is a completely different kind of hierarchical relationship than those relationships he cites.
1 Peter 3:1-2 is crystal clear on how a wife should handle it when she feels her husband is being disobedient to God’s Word whether in their marriage or in other parts of his life. She is to win him with her subjection and her pure behavior, not her “critical feedback”.
His suggestion in his podcast that if wives feel their husbands are not open to their “critical feedback” that they should bring it to their pastor to speak to the husband also violates 1 Peter 3:1-2. The only thing wives should bring to their pastors is serious physical abuse.
The Scriptures never appoint Pastors or elders of the church as “referees” over the marriages in their churches to do as Sauvé says and “call balls and strikes”. Only if it is a matter of gross sin (physical abuse or molestation of children) should a pastor step in and intercede in a marriage.
Should Christian men regularly meet with other godly men and share in their marriage issues and hear “critical feedback” from other men? Absolutely! We as men need that. It helps us to be better husbands, fathers and men.
Am I saying women can’t give advice to their husbands?
Of course not. Proverbs 31:26 says “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness”. We as men should welcome advice from our wives. But advice is very different than correction.
Especially as it relates to the day-to-day issues with our children or the domestic affairs of the home, we as husbands should welcome advice from our wives. We should welcome suggestions from our wives.
But the fact remains that 1 Peter 3:1-2 leaves absolutely no room for a wife to verbally correct her husband. It does not say “criticize him sparingly” or “criticize him respectfully in private”. A wife wins her husband with her actions, not her words. This is the teaching of the Bible.
The custom of women bowing to their husbands, otherwise known in older times as “obeisance”, goes back to the beginnings of human civilization. This custom is still regularly practiced throughout many African nations today as well as other parts of the world.
As Christians we know that not all cultural customs are Biblical. And we also know that the commands of the Bible transcend all cultures and times. In this post, I will prove that the ancient custom of wives doing obeisance toward their husbands is not simply a relic of ages past, but that it is indeed a command to wives found in the Bible.
But before we can present the Biblical command for wives to bow to their husbands, we must first present some other commands that form the foundation upon which this command is built.
The Bible Says Marriage Is to Picture the Relationship of Christ to his Church
In Ephesians 5:22-24(KJV) the Bible says the following:
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Ephesians 5:22-24 teaches us the important Biblical principle that God designed marriage to be a picture of the relationship of Christ and his church. This tells us that we can and should look, not just at Ephesians 5:22-33, but also at all other references to how Christ and his church interact with one another throughout the Old and New Testaments to understand how marriage should operate.
A marriage built only on the principles of Ephesians 5:22-33 will be missing key and important attributes of Christ’s marriage to his church mentioned elsewhere in the Bible. In other words, a marriage modeled exclusively after the attributes described in Ephesians 5:22-33 will not fully and completely picture the relationship of Christ to his Church.
For example, Ephesians 5:25-29 commands men to love their wives a Christ loves his church and lists several attributes of Christ’s love for his church including him sacrificing himself for her, him washing her spiritual spots and wrinkles with the Word of God and him providing for and protecting his wife as he would his own body.
But Revelation 3:19 mentions some other attributes of Christ’s love for his church not found in Ephesians 5:25-29. In Revelation 3:19 (KJV) the Christ said the following to his seven churches:
“As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.”
A husband’s love for his wife includes not his spiritual washing of her, his provision for her and his protection of her – but it also includes his rebuking her and chastening her.
The Biblical truth that the wife is to picture the church in relationship to Christ and the husband represents Christs means that a wife is to obey all the commands of God to the church relating to Christ, with the notable exceptions of worshipping her husband or seeing him as her savior from sin. Those qualities belong to Christ alone and not earthly husbands. I will address the worship issue more as this post progresses.
And now that we have firmly established the Biblical principle that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church – we will explore another passage which shows other aspects of the relationship of Christ and the church which also apply to marriage.
Psalm 45 – A Picture of the Relationship of Christ to His Church
Psalm 45 is unmistakably a prophecy of Christ and his bride, the church.
The noble attributes of the king are mentioned first in verses 1-5:
“1 My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
2 Thou art fairer than the children of men: grace is poured into thy lips: therefore God hath blessed thee for ever.
3 Gird thy sword upon thy thigh, O most mighty, with thy glory and thy majesty.
4 And in thy majesty ride prosperously because of truth and meekness and righteousness; and thy right hand shall teach thee terrible things.
5 Thine arrows are sharp in the heart of the king’s enemies; whereby the people fall under thee. “
And then in verses 6 and 7 we see that this is clearly a reference to God the father appointing Christ as King:
“6 Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever: the sceptre of thy kingdom is a right sceptre.
7 Thou lovest righteousness, and hatest wickedness: therefore God, thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.”
And then in Psalm 45:10-11 the perspective changes from addressing the King to now addressing the bride who is about to marry the King:
“10 Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father’s house; 11 So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.”
These two verses are filled with rich theology. While Ephesians 5:33 commands women to reverence their husbands – it is these two verses from Psalm 45:10-11 which help to show what the reverence of a wife toward her husband should look like.
But before we can apply what these verses are saying, we need to address a translation issue.
Is Psalm 45:11 Saying that Wives Should Worship Their Husbands?
At the latter end of Psalm 45:11 the KJV renders the verse as “for he is thy Lord, worship thou him”. Since this passage is a prophecy of Christ and his church and Ephesians 5:23 tells us the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his church – is God commanding the wives should worship their husbands?
The answer to that question is found in many passages of the Bible but Revelation 19:10 gives us an extremely clear answer where John fell at the feet of angel to worship him:
“And I fell at his feet to worship him. And he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus: worship God: for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”
We worship God and God alone. So, we know that Psalm 45:11 is not teaching women to worship their husbands. Does that mean we dismiss the latter part of Psalm 45:11 as not applying to human marriage at all? The answer to that is no as well.
To better understand how Psalm 45:11 applies not just to the spiritual marriage of Christ and his church, but also to human marriage we will look at this same passage in the English Standard Version of the Bible:
“Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:
forget your people and your father’s house, and the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him.”
Notice the big difference? In the KJV it tells the woman to worship the king who will be her husband. In the ESV it tells her to bow to him. And if you were to see the wording of this you would also notice that the KJV capitalizes the word “Lord” while the ESV uses a lower case “lord”.
Why is the KJV translation of Psalm 45:11 different than the ESV translation?
The reason for the difference in translation has to do with the Hebrew word “Shachah”. The most literal meaning of Shachah is “to bow down”. But sometimes when someone bows down, they are not just showing reverence, but they are also engaging in worship. In other words, worship usually involves bowing of some sort, but not all bowing is worship. Sometimes bowing is just reverence.
The easiest way to illustrate this is when Moses did Shachah in two different occasions. In Exodus 18:7, Moses did Shachah toward his father-in-law so it is simply translated as “obeisance” which a synonym for reverence. However, in Exodus 34:8, when Moses did Shachah toward God – it was more than just reverence – it was an act of worship and it was translated as such.
Psalm 45 presents a dilemma for translators when it comes to translating Shachah. In this story, we see a King being married to the royal daughter of another king. But the story here is a prophecy of Christ being wedded to his church.
So, while the KJV would not normally translate someone bowing to a king as “worship” they decided to translate it here as worship and to capitalize the “L” in Lord to indicate it is a prophecy of Christ.
The ESV translated it as “bow down” instead of “worship” because while they agreed that this is a prophecy of Christ and his church that it is using a human story of a King marrying a royal daughter and therefore her bowing down would not be an act of worship, but rather an act of reverence.
I can see reasons for both translations. But in the end if we remember that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church than any reference to Christ and his bride has application to human marriage as well.
So, when applying this to human marriage and not the spiritual marriage of Christ and the church – Shachah must be understood in its most literal sense of bowing down in reverence.
Women Picture the Church Bowing to Christ When They Bow to Their Husbands
The full Biblical picture of the marriage of Christ and his church reveals much than his sacrificial provision for and protection of his wife, the church. It reveals more than his headship over the church. A full Biblical picture of the marriage of Christ and his church also demonstrates his lordship over his church and his discipline of his church.
A full Biblical picture of the marriage of Christ and his church shows us that women are not just commanded to submit to their husbands or even just respect them – but rather they are commanded to reverence their husbands as Ephesians 5:33 and 1 Peter 3:2 command.
Who is being commanded to acknowledge her husband as her lord and to bow to him in Psalm 45:11? It is the church.
When we tie together the principle that marriage is to picture the relationship of Christ to his church (Ephesians 5:22-33) and that the Bible commands women to acknowledge their husbands as their earthly lords (1 Peter 3:6) and to reverence them (Ephesians 5:33) then we can see beyond a shadow of a doubt that the command of Psalm 45:11 is given to wives just as it given to the church whom wives are to represent.
But Aren’t Women Worshipping Their Husbands If They Bow to Them?
Many Christians, even conservative Christians who believe in male headship and wives submitting to their husbands will object to this calling it a form of “husband worship” or a wife making her husband an idol.
But this objection to women bowing to their husbands is frankly rooted in cultural ignorance. In 21st century America when we think of the word “lord” or someone bowing to another we exclusively think of God and worship.
But if we were to go to Britain – they would not associate the word “lord” exclusively with God nor would they associate bowing exclusively with worship. Because in their society they have many lords who are of a nobility class and they bow to their Queen.
In Africa, it is an ancient custom still practiced today for women to kneel before their men when being proposed to:
And traditional African brides kneel before their husbands as part of the wedding ceremony and feed their husbands:
America was founded on the rejection of nobility classes and monarchies so our ancestors came to reject all forms of bowing to people or calling people lords.
However, the Bible does not reject calling people “lord”, which means master, nor does it reject the concept of people bowing to others as a form of reverence. In fact, in the case of a wife toward her husband it actually commands a woman to call her husband lord and bow to him.
As I mentioned previously the Bible shows Moses doing obeisance in Exodus 18:7 toward his father-in-law. In 2 Samuel 9:6 the Bible shows Mephibosheth kneeling with his face to the ground before King David:
“Now when Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, was come unto David, he fell on his face, and did reverence. And David said, Mephibosheth. And he answered, Behold thy servant!”
The word translated as ‘reverence’ here is the same as that translated as obeisance and means to bow.
This American rejection of calling anyone lord but God and bowing to no one but “King Jesus” goes directly contrary to the teaching of the Word of God in 1 Peter 3:5-6 and Psalm 45:11. And this American value, as old as it is, must be rejected by Christian husbands and wives.
Christian women must regard their husbands as their earthly lords and bow to them and Christian husbands must accept this from their wives.
The Difference Between Bowing in Reverence and Bowing in Worship
If bowing is not automatically a form of worship, which the Bible shows it is not, then what is the difference between a woman bowing in reverence to her husband and a woman bowing in worship to God?
The answer is found in the intent in the wife’s heart and how she sees her husband verses how she sees God.
Is the woman bowing to her husband in obedience to God’s command that she affirm her husband’s earthly lordship over her by bowing to him? If so, then her bowing to him is not worship which is reserved for God alone.
However, if a woman sees her husband as perfect, sinless and all powerful like God and that is why she is bowing to him – then she is engaging in an act of worship which is sin.
In other words, when we bow to God, we are and should be acknowledging his perfection, his sinlessness and his being the all-powerful sovereign of the universe.
I am often falsely accused by my detractors, whether they be Christians or non-Christians alike, of teaching that I think women should regard their husbands as gods. And nothing could be further from the truth.
Instead, I teach what the Bible says that God has placed sinful and imperfect men as the heads of sinful and imperfect women. God does not call women to submit to, reverence and bow to their husbands because these men are perfect and all-powerful beings. God calls women to submit to and bow to their husbands in spite of their imperfections and weaknesses because of the position God as ordained men to over women.
A woman’s acknowledgement of her husband’s earthly lordship over her by bowing to him is an acknowledgement of Christ’s lordship over all creation and his authority to appoint her husband as her lord.
Practical Ways That Wives Can Incorporate Bowing into Their Marriages
Now that we have established the Biblical command that wives should bow to their husbands – how can wives practically incorporate this in their marriages on a regular basis? This is the question we will address next.
The images below illustrate several ways in which a woman can bow in her husband’s presence.
The first would be her greeting him as comes home from work as seen below:
This image below from a vintage ad is routinely mocked as “sexist” yet this is very biblical behavior for women to do toward their husbands.
In many African countries today, it is still common for women to bow to their husbands when they bring them their daily meals as pictured below:
Last but certainly not least, is another way women can bow before their husbands regularly as an act of reverence and affirmation of his lordship over them.
The picture above is of an actual bride and groom on their wedding day “simulating” her performing oral sex on him as part of a series of otherwise normal wedding pictures. It is actually becoming a fad for couples to simulate this very pose as part of their wedding pictures.
I know I have extremely conservative readers and I hope you will have a sense of humor with the image above even if you don’t think a bride and groom should share such a picture. It shows absolutely nothing of what she is doing and leaves everything to the imagination.
I know many conservative Christians believe all intimate sexual acts, even if only simulated, must never be shown. But I disagree. I hope most of my readers can appreciate the humor in this image above even if you would never take such a photo at your wedding.
An interesting side note. While they did not see the actual act, it was the custom in Biblical times for two witnesses, one from the bride’s family and one from the groom’s family to stand directly outside the tent or room to hear the couple have sex.
The reason two witnesses would be just outside the door or the tent and could hear sex happening was because unlike today, sex was part of the wedding ceremony in ancient times. Sex actually occurred before the wedding vows were made to assure the woman’s virginity was intact. Then after having sex the couple would present a bloody cloth which would prove the woman’s virginity and it was kept by the bride’s family as a proof of her virginity and a memento from the wedding. This practice is alluded to in Deuteronomy 22:13-21.
And on the topic of a woman performing fellatio on her husband – yes this is mentioned in the Bible in Song of Solomon 2:3 (KJV):
“As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
The apple tree was used as a euphemism for a man’s genitals in middle eastern erotic poems. The top of the tree with branches and fruit represented the man’s testicles and the trunk of the tree represented his penis. This Biblical author is presenting a picture of a woman sitting in her husband’s shadow (so this her being beneath him) and her performing oral sex on him. She knelt before him and performed oral sex to completion with “great delight” and his fruit (his semen) was sweet to her taste.
And for those women who say “Song of Solomon 2:3 is simply descriptive, but it is not prescriptive (commanded) for women” and I would refer you to Proverbs 5:18-19 which states the following:
“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.”
The Bible commands that husbands are to ravished (the Hebrew her literally means to be sexually intoxicated) by their wives. The English word “satisfy” is a translation of the Hebrew which literally means “drink your fill”. To fulfill the command for husbands to be drink their fill of their wives’ bodies and to be ravished by their wives requires the participation of BOTH the husband and the wife. It requires the husband to seek to be ravished by his wife and the wife to act in ravishing ways toward her husband.
My point here is that Proverbs 5:18-19 commands wives to ravish their husbands and the entire book of the Song of Solomon shows women how to ravish their husbands. It is absolutely true that Song of Solomon 2:3 is written in a descriptive form rather than prescriptive form. However, Song of Solomon 2:3 is part of a larger description of what it means for a wife to ravish her husband which is commanded in Proverbs 5:18-19. Therefore, Song of Solomon 2:3 is both descriptive and prescriptive for wives in marriage.
And even if one argued that they don’t see it as commanded – a husband can simply command his wife to do it and it becomes a command from God. It really is that simple.
And finally, on this topic of wives performing fellatio on their husbands, let me address the “selfishness” argument wives use to get out of performing oral sex or really having sex at all when they don’t feel like it. It is not selfish for a man to do what God commands of him. In Proverbs 5:19, God tells him to drink his fill of his wife’s body “at all times” and he commands that his wife is to ravish him.
Therefore, from a Biblical perspective it is not a man who is acting selfishly for desiring that his wife ravish him by performing fellatio on him, but rather it is the wife who acts selfishly by denying him his privilege to receive this from her as her husband.
To learn more about how you as a wife can fulfill the command to ravish your husband go to my podcast site BGRLearning.com and listen to my 3-part, 3-hour podcast series entitled “A Biblical Guide To Ravishing Your Husband”. In that series I do an extensive exposition of several passages of the Song of Solomon explaining the ancient sexual metaphors and helping wives apply them to ravishing their husbands.
Conclusion
God commands wives to imitate the behavior that he commands of the church toward Christ in Ephesians 5:22-33. And God commands the church to bow to Christ as her lord in Psalm 45:11. Therefore, wives in following God’s command to imitate the behavior of the church, must bow to their husbands as an affirmation of their husband’s earthly lordship which is also commanded in 1 Peter 3:5-6.
The act of a woman bowing is not simply a cultural relic of ages past, but rather it is a Biblical command as part of the wife picturing the church in reverence toward her husband.
And as long as a wife does not see her husband as a god, but rather she bows to her husband in obedience to the one true God, then this is not an act of worship nor is it making her husband into an idol, but instead it is simply an act of reverence.
And yes, this act of a wife bowing to her husband is extremely anti-American and goes against America’s long opposition to lords and kings. And it is extremely triggering to humanists worldwide. But it is Biblical. Therefore, Christian wives must learn to regularly do this and Christian husbands must learn to accept this from their wives.
This simple act of a wife bowing to her husband and him accepting this is a very tangible and visible way that we can bring reverence back into marriages. A woman bowing to her husband is something her children should see their mother do as well (except of course for her performing oral sex!).
And to learn more about other ways (besides bowing to him) in which you can and should reverence your husband go to BGRLearning.com and listen to my 2-part podcast series entitled “5 Biblical Ways To Reverence Your Husband”.
The Bible commands in Ephesians 5:33 that “the wife see that she reverence her husband”. But how does God want a wife to show reverence to her husband? In this article, we will show Christian wives five biblically based ways that they should show reverence for their husbands.
In my previous article, “A Biblical View of Respect and Reverence”, I showed that while respect and honor are synonymous in the Bible – that reverence is much more than just respect or honor.
As Christians we should value (respect and honor) the institutions God has created. God has instituted civil authority, church authority, parental authority and the authority of husbands over their wives. To respect these positions is to show that we value them by our words and actions toward these authorities.
1 Peter 2:17 shows that respect (which is the same as honor) is owed to all people. Why does God want us to show by our words and actions that we value all people? The answer is found in Genesis 9:6 where God commanded that “Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man”. Mankind, both men and women, are made in God’s image. That makes human life special and more valuable than all other life on earth.
Anytime I say men and women are made in the image of God – I must always add this note for people who get confused on this issue. The Bible shows us in 1 Corinthians 11:7-8 that while woman was taken from man (and thus she is also made in God’s image because of that) that it is only the male who “is the image and glory of God”. This is why God has masculine like “Father”, “Son” and “King” and not “Mother”, “Daughter” and “Queen”. It is why Jesus chose 12 male apostles and no female apostles. It is why priests in the OId Testament had to be male and why pastors in the New Testament must be male. And it why God has commanded that families are to be led by men.
I also talked about respect for the person verses respect for the position. We can honor and respect the position of king or president without having respect for his actions in his personal life or his policy positions. The same goes for children with their parents.
But God calls wives to do much more than just respect, honor and value their husband’s position.
Wives are called to reverence their husbands.
In Ephesians 5:33 the Bible states:
““Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
And in 1 Peter 3:1-2 the Bible states
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”
The Greek words being translated as “reverence” and “fear” in Ephesians 5:33 and 1 Peter 3:1-2 are Phobeo and Phobos. These two Greek synonyms in their most literal sense mean “fear” or “to be afraid” and they can also mean “to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience”.
But while Ephesians 5 richly describes the relationship of the husband and wife as God designed it to be, it is not exhaustive in all aspects of how marriage should operate. And while Ephesians 5:33 commands wives to reverence their husbands – it does not really describe how that reverence should look.
This is where Psalm 45 comes in to help us learn how wives can show reverence toward their husbands.
Psalm 45 – A Picture of the Relationship of Christ to His Church
Psalm 45 is unmistakably a prophecy of Christ and his bride, the church. The Psalm is written from the perspective of one of the King’s subjects writing a song about his King’s upcoming wedding. He spends verses 1 to 5 talking about the noble character of his great King:
“1 My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
2 Thou art fairer than the children of men: grace is poured into thy lips: therefore God hath blessed thee for ever.
3 Gird thy sword upon thy thigh, O most mighty, with thy glory and thy majesty.
4 And in thy majesty ride prosperously because of truth and meekness and righteousness; and thy right hand shall teach thee terrible things.
5 Thine arrows are sharp in the heart of the king’s enemies; whereby the people fall under thee. “
And then in verses 6 and 7 we see that this is clearly a reference to God the father appointing Christ as King:
“6 Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever: the sceptre of thy kingdom is a right sceptre.
7 Thou lovest righteousness, and hatest wickedness: therefore God, thy God, hath anointed thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows.”
Then in Psalm 45:10-11 the songwriter changes his perspective from speaking to the King to now speaking to the bride who is about to marry the King:
“10 Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father’s house; 11 So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him.”
These two verses are filled with rich theology. While Ephesians 5:33 commands women to reverence their husbands – it is these two verses from Psalm 45:10-11 which help to show what the reverence of a wife toward her husband should look like.
But before we can apply what these verses are saying to the command for women to reverence their husbands, we need to address a translation issue.
Is Psalm 45:11 Saying that Wives Should Worship Their Husbands?
At the latter end of Psalm 45:11 the KJV renders the verse as “for he is thy Lord, worship thou him”. Since this passage is a prophecy of Christ and his church and Ephesians 5:23 tells us the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his church is God commanding that wives should worship their husbands?
The answer to that question is found in many passages of the Bible but Revelation 19:10 gives us an extremely clear answer where John fell at the feet of angel to worship him:
“And I fell at his feet to worship him. And he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that have the testimony of Jesus: worship God: for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”
We worship God and God alone. So, we know that Psalm 45:11 is not teaching women to worship their husbands. So, does that mean we dismiss the latter part of Psalm 45:11 as not applying to human marriage at all? The answer to that is no as well.
To better understand how Psalm 45:11 applies not just to the spiritual marriage of Christ and his church, but also to human marriage we will look at this same passage in the English Standard Version of the Bible:
“Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:
forget your people and your father’s house, and the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him.”
Notice the big difference? In the KJV it tells the woman to “worship” the king who will be her husband. In the ESV it tells her to “bow to him”. And if you were to see the wording of this you would also notice that the KJV capitalizes the word “Lord” while the ESV uses a lower case “lord”.
Why is the KJV translation of Psalm 45:11 different than the ESV translation?
The reason for the difference in translation has to do with the Hebrew word “Shachah”. The most literal meaning of Shachah is “to bow down”. But sometimes when someone bows down, they are not just showing reverence, but they are also engaging in worship.
In other words, all worship involves bowing of some sort, but not all bowing is worship. Sometimes bowing is just reverence.
The easiest way to illustrate this is when Moses did Shachah in two different occasions. In Exodus 18:7, Moses did Shachah toward his father-in-law so it simply translated as “obeisance” which a synonym for reverence. However, in Exodus 34:8, when Moses did Shachah toward God – it was more than just reverence – it was an act of worship and it was translated as such.
Psalm 45 presents a dilemma for translators when it comes to translating Shachah. In this story, we see a King being married to the royal daughter of another king. But the story here is a prophecy of Christ being wedded to his church.
So, while the KJV would not normally translate someone bowing to a king as “worship” they decided to translate it here as worship and to capitalize the “L” in Lord to indicate it is a prophecy of Christ.
The ESV translated it as “bow down” instead of “worship” because while they agreed that this is a prophecy of Christ and his church that it is using a human story of a King marrying a royal daughter and therefore her bowing down would not be an act of worship, but rather an act of reverence.
I can see reasons for both translations. But in the end if we remember that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church than any reference to Christ and his bride has application to human marriage as well.
So, when applying this to human marriage and not the spiritual marriage of Christ and the church – Shachah must be understood in its most literal sense of bowing down in reverence.
And now that we have shown how Psalm 45 presents a picture of the marriage between Christ and his church, we will now show four principles of reverence found in this passage that can help wives fulfill God’s command for them to reverence their husbands. And we will end with a 5th principle of reverence for wives found in Proverbs 12.
Principle #1 – A Reverent Wife Makes Her Husband Her Standard of Masculinity
Psalm 45:10 tells women “forget your people and your father’s house”.
For most young women (if they had a good relationship with him) their father is their standard of masculinity. For other women they may have other men in mind as to their standard of masculinity. But once a woman marries – her husband becomes her standard of masculinity and she should never compare him to any other man in her mind or in her words toward her husband.
One of the biggest destroyers of reverence that a woman might otherwise have for her husband is when she compares him to other men. Whether it be her father, her grandfather, her brothers or her sisters’ husbands.
The Bible shows us that there are two major variations of masculinity and your husband will most likely be more like one or the other. Those two variations could be classified as the “Warrior” and the “Wiseman”. In modern terms think of this as the “jock” and the “nerd”.
King David was a “warrior” type man while his son, King Solomon, was a “wiseman” type man. Another way to view the “wiseman” would be as a scholar. The wiseman is more cerebral in his activities and the warrior is more physical in his activities.
So maybe your father and brothers are avid hunters while you the man you married likes to read books and play strategy games. You cannot shame your husband because is he not like these other men you know. Or maybe it’s the opposite. Maybe your husband is not the reader your father was, but he is an avid hunter and sportsman. Again, you must respect him for the man he is.
Principle #2 – A Reverent Wife Addresses Her Husband as Her Earthly lord
Psalm 45:11 says “Since he is your lord…”.
There are two Hebrew words in the Old Testament used to refer to a woman’s husband beside “ish” which means “man”. Those two words are “baal” and “adown”. When baal is used it emphasizes the ownership of the husband and when “adown” is used it emphasizes the husband being ruler over his wife.
Psalm 45:11’s command to women to regard their husbands as their earthy lords perfectly connects with 1 Peter 3:5-6 which tells women to do the same thing:
“5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”
The most practical way a woman can verbally show her husband she regards him as her lord is by frequently say “Yes sir”. In our culture the word “sir” can take on many meanings. Sometimes it simply a polite way to address a man. Men will call each other sir all the time and women will call other men sir as well. But when a woman looks at her man and says “Yes sir” (and she does in a respectful way) he feels her reverence in that moment.
Some husbands might want their wives to use the word “lord” as it is in the Bible so their wives should say “Yes, my lord”, rather than “Yes sir”. But in either case – a woman should use what her husband deems shows him the most reverence in how she addresses him.
A husband and wife can work out the particulars of this and there is nothing wrong with a woman calling her husband “honey” or “my love” in various contexts just as the Song of Solomon shows. But especially when husbands and wives are having serious discussions and the husband has given his wife commands this is when “yes sir” or “yes, my lord” would absolutely be appropriate and a way wives can show reverence to their husbands.
Principle #3 – A Reverent Wife Kneels Before Her Husband
Psalm 45:11 says “Since he is your lord, bow to him”.
A minimalist view of bowing would look like the Japanese who routinely bow to one another out of respect. But I don’t think this is the kind of bowing that Psalm 45:11 has in mind for the wife with her husband when it calls her to bow to her husband as her earthly lord.
Instead, I believe the kind of Shachah, or bowing down, being pictured in Psalm 45:11 is closer to what Mephibosheth did in the presence of King David in 2 Samuel 9:6 where he “he fell on his face, and did reverence”. That is the kind of humility a wife should be having with her husband.
More evidence that God wants a woman to be comfortable being on her knees before her husband is found in Song of Solomon 2:3 where the wife states the following about her husband:
“As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
A godly woman finds “great delight” in in sitting down in the shadow of her husband. And one of the most reverent acts a woman can do as she sits in her husband’s shadow is to perform oral sex to completion on him which is what is being pictured in Song of Solomon 2:3.
Don’t misunderstand me – I am not saying every time a woman sits down below her husband she needs to try and do oral sex on him. Should she sometimes? Yes. Should she always if he wants it? Yes. But also, there may be times when she just delights to sit his shadow and look up to him as they converse.
Principle #4 – A Reverent Wife Appreciates Her Husband’s Desire For Feminine Beauty
Psalm 45:11 says “So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty”.
Why does the King desire her beauty? Because men are designed by God to be drawn to feminine beauty. A woman should never shame her husband for desiring to see her show off her beauty. How many conservative Christian women do this very thing to their husbands? This behavior is the very opposite of reverencing your husband.
Practically speaking, this means surprising your husband with some sexy lingerie is a form of reverence because you are affirming his desire for your beauty. It means if he so desires, wearing a sexy dress for date night with him. It could mean wearing a particular bathing suit he wants you to wear as you go to the beach. It means dressing the way he wants you to, and keeping your hair and makeup the way, he likes it. And it also means doing your best to keep your figure as it was when you first met.
And in a broader sense, when a woman shames her husband for noticing other beautiful women this is by definition an irreverent act on her part. Her actions shows that she despises her husband’s God given polygynous nature.
Principle #5 – A Reverent Wife Is Her Husband’s Greatest Fan
The final way that a wife should show her husband reverence does not come from this passage in Psalm 45 that we have been looking at – but rather it comes from Proverbs 12:4 which states the following:
“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.”
A woman should always be her husband’s greatest fan and cheerleader, whether it is in private just with him and especially when others are around.
Women who argue with their husbands in private or in public are being irreverent toward them. Correcting him or contradicting him is being irreverent toward him.
A woman being critical of her husband is the very definition of an irreverent wife.
Listen to the Two-Hour Podcast Series Based on This Article to Learn More
I have produced a two-part podcast series, with each part being about an hour long, where I give more detail on these principles. In these podcasts I show other ways women can reverence their husbands and combat their own pride and insecurities as they do this.
The vast majority of modern English Bibles have done a great disservice to God by replacing the words “reverence” and “fear” with the word “respect” and by doing this they have nearly removed all of the Bible’s distinctive teachings on reverence. And even when churches teach on respect today, it is a watered down and humanist version that little resembles what the Bible actually has to say on this subject.
This lack of teaching on the Biblical concepts of respect and reverence have led us to several generations disrespectful and irreverent young people who helped introduce moral chaos into every major area of our society including civil government, the church and the home.
The Bible tell Us to Respect All People
In 1 Peter 2:17 of the King James version (KJV) of the Bible it states the following:
“Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.”
Other versions like the NIV use “respect” in place of the word “honor” as seen below:
“Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.”
The same Greek word is used in reference both to the king and to all men. That word is Timao.
According to Thayer’s Greek Lexicon, Timao means the following:
1. to estimate, fix the value
for the value of something belonging to one’s self
2. to honour, to have in honour, to revere, venerate
1 Peter 2:17 is a perfect example of the two uses of timao and its Greek synonyms in the Bible. It shows us that Timao can sometimes mean to value someone (respect and honor them). Respect in this way means that we see that all people have value. But at other times timao can mean more than mere respect as it can also mean reverence or veneration for someone who is of a higher position such as kings.
In Ephesians 6:2, the Bible commands children to timao their parents when it says “Honour [timao] thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise”. Also in 1 Peter 3:7 the Bible uses a Greek synonym for timao, the word “time” (not to be confused with our English word time). Here it commands husbands to give “honour [time] unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life”.
Now let’s bring this back to 1 Peter 2:17 and our discussion of respect. A few more things we must point out. Respect and honor are synonymous in the Bible. Also, you may have noticed a difference in translation between the KJV and NIV where the KJV says “all men” as in “Honour all men” and the NIV says “Show proper respect to everyone”. In this particular case – the NIV is right in its translation of “everyone”. 1 Peter 2:17 does not use the Greek word for males, but instead uses the Greek word Pas which in means “all” or “everyone” depending on the context.
This is not to say the NIV is always more literal the KJV, the truth is the NIV is usually less literal the KJV and NIV has a lot of biased translations in it when it comes to gender. When it comes to the study of the doctrines of gender roles in the Bible – 95 percent of the time the KJV translation is much more literal to the original Biblical texts than the NIV is. We will show this later in this article. I say all this to say in this rare instance – the NIV is more literal in its translation of “everyone” as it is not gender specific in this case. But as someone once said “even a broken clock is right twice a day”.
The point thus far is this. God wants us to have basic respect for all people. All ethnicities, all ages and respect for both genders. And the reason for this is that all human beings have value because man (the male) “is the image and glory of God, but the woman is the glory of the man” (1 Corinthians 11:7). The male IS the very image of the masculine God we serve, and woman to a lesser extent also contains the image of God in her because she was taken from man to be his helper and companion.
And this leads to me to my next point on respect.
It Is Not Disrespectful to Believe and Say Men and Women Are Not Equal
Every time I bring up 1 Corinthians 11:7 I get people shouting “But it says in Genesis 1:27 that God made both male and female in his image. Women are not any less made in God’s image then men are!”. But does Genesis 1:27 really say that?
Here is Genesis 1:27 in the KJV:
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”
Many scholars and teachers will say “man” (literally “adam” in the Hebrew) in the first part of Genesis 1:27 means “mankind” as in all humanity. It is true that sometimes the Hebrew word “adam” does mean mankind in certain contexts. But the problem in Genesis 1:27 is with the phrase “he him”. The exact Hebrew phrase here is “eth haa-‘adam”. “eth” literally means “same”, and “haa” is similar to our English word “the” or “this”. This Hebrew phrase means “this same man”. So, the KJV’s rendering it as “he him” is much more literal than some modern renderings that translate it as “he them”.
The point is that Genesis 1:27 does not say God created both male and female human beings in his image. It says two things. First it says he created the first male – Adam (and by extension all males to follow) in his image. The second thing it says is that God created males and females. It does not say “in the image of God created he males and females”.
Another way to state the Biblical truth we see presented in 1 Corinthians 11:7’s divine commentary on the Genesis account is as follows:
While male human beings do not have all the characteristics of God in that they lack God’s deity characteristics there is nothing that is characteristic of Man that is not also characteristic of God. The same cannot said for female human beings. There are many traits that are characteristic of women that are not characteristic of God.
When I make such statements based on the clear teachings of the Bible many Christians are deeply offended by them. And I would submit to these people that the reason they are offended is because they have been raised in a humanist culture that is obsessed with equality. In their view, if men and women are not made equally in the image of God and if women are not made in the image of God to the same extent that men are they believe women have less value than men. And this is absolutely untrue. The truth is that God made men and women for very different purposes, but he loves both men and women equally.
And now let’s bring this back to our discussion of respect and honor for all persons. A lot of people today will accuse Bible believing Christians of disrespecting and dishonoring women for simply believing and speaking the truths of the Bible concerning the very real differences between the two genders God created. But it is never disrespectful to believe and speak the truths found in the Word of God.
Therefore, we can say that that it is not wrong to believe and speak the following Biblical truths about the differences between men and women:
Man “is the image and glory of God” – woman is not (1 Corinthians 11:7).
Woman was made for man and man was not made for woman (1 Corinthians 11:9).
Woman was purposefully designed by God to be weaker than man in many ways (1 Peter 3:7).
The husband is the master of his wife (1 Peter 3:6).
God created woman to be a companion and helper to man (Genesis 2:18), to bear his children and care for his home (1 Timothy 5:14) and for man’s sexual use (Romans 1:27) and pleasure (Proverbs 5:18-19).
To believe and speak the truths of the Bible concerning God’s design of gender roles is considered to be “disrespectful toward women” in our modern feminist and egalitarian culture. But God’s truth remains. And we as Bible believing Christians cannot allow the world to redefine what respect for women is anymore than we should allow them to redefine what a man and woman is.
So how should we respect women based on the truths of the Bible? The answer is we respect those two primary positions that God made women for.
We should have the utmost respect for young women who seek to be wives and mothers or women that are already in these sacred positions. And children should be taught to respect their mothers by both the mother’s themselves as well as by fathers. And remember – when we respect something, that means we value it and we all ought to value God’s design of motherhood.
What does it mean for a man to respect his wife Biblically speaking? It means he does not belittle her for being weaker than him and needing his emotional and logical strength to guide her through the trials of life. A man who respects his wife does not diminish the importance of her work in his home preparing meals, taking care of laundry, shopping and caring for the daily needs of his children while he is out working. A man shows his respect for his wife by regularly praising her for these tasks which she does which are so important for having strong and functional homes just as Proverbs 31:28 exhorts him to do.
So yes, the Bible commands us to respect (which is the same as honor) all people. But what respect looks like for our mother, our wife, our father, our boss at work or the President may look very different.
However, in all these cases the root of honor and respect is to assign value to all people and positions within society that God has created.
Respect for the Position Verses Respect for the Person
Many people will ask “But how can we have respect for people who do not act in respectful ways?”. What if someone is living an outwardly sinful life? What if a man has anger problems and yells at his wife and kids all the time? What if a man has an addiction to food, alcohol, drugs, video games or porn? Does his wife still have to respect him?
What if a parent does not properly provide for and care for their child or yells at them all the time? Does the child still have to respect such a parent?
What about politicians? What if a President acts in dishonest ways? What if a President promotes immoral lifestyles which are in direct contradiction with a Biblical worldview? What if a President is simply not good at his job and has no clue how to run a country?
I could go on with many examples. But you get where I am going. The fact is that God calls us to respect the position while we may not always be able to respect the behavior of the person in that position. It is similar to the concept taught in the military that “you are saluting the rank, not necessarily the man”.
Does respecting the position mean we cannot seek to have them removed from that position? Of course not. For instance, if a Pastor is acting in unethical manner there is a process to remove him as an elder (1 Timothy 5:19-20). And in our system of government, if a mayor, governor or even President are acting in immoral or ungodly ways or they are promoting immoral lifestyles we can seek through the impeachment or electoral process to have such leaders removed from office. So, it is very possible to respect the position, but not the actions or beliefs of the person in that position.
However, while pastors and politicians can be removed from their positions, this is not so easily done with husbands or parents.
God does not lightly allow for a child to be removed from their parents. The only allowance would be for gross physical abuse and neglect (not providing food, clothing…ect) based on the basic human rights God gives in Exodus chapter 21. The same goes for a wife being freed from her husband.
What that means is that often we will find that wives and children are called by God to respect husbands and fathers whose character and actions do not merit respect. Instead, wives and children must remember that God calls them to respect the position of husband and father even if the person holding that position does not act in honorable ways.
Another way to sum up this idea of respecting the position even if you cannot respect the actions of the person in that position is as follows:
We must respect God’s institution of human authority whether it be in government, in our jobs, in the church or in the home even if we do not always respect the actions and behavior of people who hold those positions.
And now that we have exhaustively covered the Biblical concept of what respect we will now move on to a Biblical command that is all but lost in the modern Western world today.
Reverence Is More Than Respect
Biblically speaking, reverence is more than respect for someone. And the Bible shows us what reverence is by the word associations it uses alongside or in place of reverence.
Hebrews 12:28 (KJV) teaches us that reverence and fear are inextricably linked together:
“Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear”
In Proverbs 24:21 (KJV) the Bible uses fear by itself as synonym for reverence:
“My son, fear thou the Lord and the king: and meddle not with them that are given to change”.
What we also learn from Proverbs 24:21 is that reverence is not just something that we should show toward God, but it is also something we should show toward our earthly civil authorities.
Hebrews 12:9 (KJV) we teaches us more about reverence:
“Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?”
From Hebrews 12:29 we learn two more things about reverence. The first is that children should have reverence toward their fathers. The second is that we see a new synonym used for reverence. This time instead of using the word fear as a synonym, God uses subjection as a synonym for reverence.
Here is what we know so far from the Bible about this topic of reverence. God does not tell us to reverence all people the way he told us to respect and honor all people in 1 Peter 2:17. So far, reverence is reserved for God, civil authorities and fathers. We also know that reverence involves fear and subjection to the one being revered.
Now I want to introduce you to one other category of people that God commands reverence towards.
God’s Command to Wives to Reverence Their Husbands
Almost every modern version of the Bible tells women to respect their husbands in Ephesians 5:33 as the NIV does:
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
But this is what the King James version (KJV) of the Bible says in the same verse:
“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
The original Greek word from the New Testament being translated as “respect” by most modern translations and as “reverence” by the KJV is Phobeo.
According to Thayer’s Greek Lexicon, Phobeo means the following:
“1. to be put to flight, to flee
2. to fear, be afraid
3. to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience”
A Greek synonym for Phobeo, the word Phobos, is also commanded of a wife toward her husband in 1 Peter 3:1-2. See below how the NASB (New American Standard Bible) translates it and then how the KJV translates it.
1 Peter 3:1-2 in NASB:
“In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your pure and respectful behavior.”
1 Peter 3:1-2 in KJV:
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”
Notice how the NASB translates phobos as “respectful” and the KJV translates phobos as “fear”.
Here is the sad fact. Most modern translations of the Bible as well most teachings on marriage today have completely removed the command of God for wives to reverence their husbands. They have instead replaced the one-way upward reverence a wife is to have toward her husband with the teaching that husbands are wives are to have mutual respect for one another.
What Kind of Fear is Involved in Biblical Reverence?
I have shown from the Bible that at the heart of reverence is fear and subjection.
When the Bible uses fear as a synonym for reverence it the fear is two-fold. The first is of chastisement. Let’s look at Hebrews 12:9 again:
“Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?”
The context of the passage above is about the chastisement of God upon our lives as Christians. God compares his chastisement of us to that of our father’s chastisement.
And let’s look at another passage from Romans 13:4 speaking of civil authorities and their God given power to chastise:
“For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil.”
God is saying we clearly should be afraid of doing evil for fear that our civil authorities will punish us.
So far, we have seen that children should fear the punishment of their fathers for doing wrong and citizens should fear the punishment of the civil authorities for doing wrong. But what about wives?
To answer that question, we need to look at two different passages. In Ephesians 5:25 the Bible commands husbands to love their wives “even as Christ also loved the church”. And what is one of the many ways in which Christ loves his church? The answer is that he rebukes and disciplines his church.
In Revelation 3:19, after rebuking his churches Christ says “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent”. So, the answer is – yes part of a wife’s reverence for her husband should be that she fears he will chastise her if she is not in complete subjection to him or if she shames in some way by her words or behavior.
But the fear spoken in the Bible in regard to reverence is not just fear of chastisement. It is also fear of not pleasing the one being reverenced or disappointing in them some way.
If you found out that the President of the United States was going to visit your house for dinner – would you not want to make everything perfect for his arrival? Wouldn’t you fear having anything out of place? Wouldn’t you get a list of his favorite foods and drinks? The fact that we would say yes or no depending on what President is in office is a testament to the problem we have in America. We have no concept of what it means to reverence the position even if we disagree with the actions and positions of the person holding the position.
So, let’s make this example easier. Let’s say you love and admire President Trump and you voted for him twice to prove it (2016 and 2020). And you get a phone call from one of his people that he will be coming to dinner at your house. Think of all the things you would do to prepare for his arrival and how you would feel as he entered your home. Would you not have fear of disappointing him? That is a crucial aspect of reverence.
And one final note on fear. Some have tried to use this passage from 1 John 4:18 (KJV) to say wives should not fear their husbands:
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”
But those who do this make the same mistake that our Egalitarian friends do when they try to use Galatians 3:28 which says “there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus” to cancel out all the commands of the Old and New Testament regarding gender roles. Trying to use 1 John 4:18 to try and cancel out clear commands from God for wives to fear their husbands in Ephesians 5:33 and 1 Peter 3:2 is the very definition of cherry picking the Scriptures. And whenever you cherry pick the Bible, you are sure to create false doctrines.
In the Scriptures there is a good kind of a fear that is encouraged and a bad kind of fear that is discouraged. We are to fear disappointing God. We are to fear punishment from our civil authorities if we do evil according to God’s law. Young children should fear their fathers. And wives should fear their husbands. But we should not fear the evil world system we live in. We should not fear standing for God in the midst of a corrupt and evil culture. We should not be afraid to submit to God. And wives should not be afraid to submit to their husbands. This is what the Bible teaches about fear.
And it is this fear aspect of reverence that naturally leads to our subjection to him. If we are truly fearing God, then we will obey him. A lack of obedience, especially willful disobedience to God is always proceeded by us no longer fearing him. Whether it is only for a minute, a day or for some many years.
Conclusion
God commands that we are to respect all people in 1 Peter 2:17. This means we are to value every human life regardless of ethnicity, nationality, religion, age or gender. All human life has value because all human beings are made in the image of God even if women are made in his image to a lesser extent than men according Genesis 1:27 and 1 Corinthians 11:7.
But the Bible shows us that there is something beyond respect that is owed to certain authorities and this is reverence.
Reverence is first and foremost owed to God the creator (Hebrews 12:28). And most Christians today would have no issue with me saying we should reverence God even if they did not fully understand its meaning.
But as soon I say we are also to reverence certain human authorities that is when many modern Christians begin to resist. Some of this resistance is due to reverence as an association with monarchial forms of government that have gone out of style in the West. But some of it is also due to people wrongly thinking that reverencing someone is the same as worshiping them. Reverence is certainly an aspect of worship just as respect is an aspect of reverence. But that does not make all acts of reverence to be acts of worship.
Worship is reserved for God alone (Revelation 22:9). But God also wants reverence to be given to civil authorities (Proverbs 24:21) by their citizens, reverence to be given to fathers by their children (Hebrews 12:9) and reverence to be given to husbands by their wives (Ephesians 5:33, 1 Peter 3:2).
We must also recognize that reverence will come easier in some relationships than others. In our relationship with God reverence can come naturally as he is the sinless and perfect almighty creator of the universe. Even reverence toward one’s father can come somewhat naturally if that father has lived a life worthy of respect from his children.
There are however two areas of reverence which modern Christians really struggle with. And those two areas are with citizens reverencing civil authorities and wives reverencing their husbands.
As conservative Christians this is truly a struggle for us and I admit at times it has been for me as well. Where is the line between respectful dissent and being irreverent with a civil authority and their policies especially when those policies violate God given rights?
The relationship between a husband and wife is very different though than the relationship between the citizen and their governing authorities. God did not create the citizen for the civil authority, but he did create the wife for the husband. And while God tells us to obey our civil authorities, he tells wives to submit “as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). God tells wives to win their husbands with their silence and subjection (1 Peter 3:1-2) and he does not prescribe the same for citizens with their civil authorities.
And it is in marriage where wives often struggle the most to reverence their husbands. After all he is not their father who may have earned their respect over an entire life. And he certainly is not the almighty and sinless of God of the universe. Their husband is simply a man, and a flawed man at that.
Women must learn to cultivate this reverence for their husbands just as they must cultivate their affection for him as well. And women must realize that if they do come to truly reverence their husbands they are going to stick out from other wives. But wives should never fear to fear their husbands as 1 Peter 3:1-6 teaches.
Women must also realize that often there is benefit that will come to them in their marriages as they obey God by reverencing their husbands. A man who is truly reverenced by his wife will be empowered to go out and conquer his world. It will literally help him in his career. And it will in turn feed his affection for his wife.
On the other hand, when a man’s wife acts as his equal having no fear of him and no submission to him this will discourage him. And it will often affect how he does in his career outside the home and it will negatively impact his affection for his wife.
Click below to go to BGRLearning.com to listen to the two part podcast companion to this article where I speak more on these subjects of respect and reverence from a Biblical perspective.
Biblical Gender Roles 