There are some things that are just common sense and this is one of them.
Heather Mac Donald, in her article for the Wall Street Journal entitled “Women Don’t Belong in Combat” wrote a blistering condemnation of this “Obama-era policy”:
“The Obama-era policy of integrating women into ground combat units is a misguided social experiment that threatens military readiness and wastes resources in the service of a political agenda. The next defense secretary should end it.
In September 2015 the Marine Corps released a study comparing the performance of gender-integrated and male-only infantry units in simulated combat. The all-male teams greatly outperformed the integrated teams, whether on shooting, surmounting obstacles or evacuating casualties. Female Marines were injured at more than six times the rate of men during preliminary training—unsurprising, since men’s higher testosterone levels produce stronger bones and muscles. Even the fittest women (which the study participants were) must work at maximal physical capacity when carrying a 100-pound pack or repeatedly loading heavy shells into a cannon
Lowering these physical requirements risks reducing the American military’s lethality. A more serious effect of sex integration has become taboo to mention: the inevitable introduction of eros into combat units. Putting young, hormonally charged men and women into stressful close quarters for extended periods guarantees sexual liaisons, rivalries and breakups, all of which undermine the bonding essential to a unified fighting force.
The argument for putting women into combat roles has always been nonmilitary: Combat experience qualifies soldiers for high-ranking Pentagon jobs. But war isn’t about promoting equality. Its objective is to break the enemy’s will through precise lethal engagement, with the lowest possible loss of American life. The claim that female combat soldiers will perform as lethally as men over an extended deployment entailsa denial of biological reality as great as the one underlying the transgender crusade.”
Heather Mac Donald’s is absolutely right that putting women into combat units and pretending that it good for increasing the lethality of America’s military “entails a denial of biological reality”.
But let’s just remember that modern progressivism is actually a denial of the reality of human nature in general. Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that if you take the average 10 men and put them up against the average 10 women in any athletic event the men will win every time. That is why we have Olympic teams, and professional sports teams segregated by gender. Now will you get outliers where a woman is as big and muscular as a man? Sure. But exceptions do not negate norms.
And you cannot build something as important as the military around exceptions. You must build it based on norms.
Heather MacDonald also brings up what she calls the “taboo” subject of sexual affairs happening between male and female military members. Again, this should be a common sense issue. When you put a man and woman together, especially in emotionally intense situations bonds will form and those bonds often lead to sexual intimacy. This is by the design of God and yet progressives want to pretend we can just reprogram human nature and say it isn’t so.
“Today’s workplace has become the No. 1 spot for married individuals to meet affair partners. More men and women are breaking their marriage vows by engaging in office friendships that slowly become romantic relationships — relationships that would have been socially impossible just 30 years ago. As the boundaries that once separated the sexes crumble, so do the boundaries that protect marriage.
In her book Not ‘Just Friends’, Dr. Shirley Glass says, “The new infidelity is between people who unwittingly form deep, passionate connections before realizing that they’ve crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love. Eighty-two percent of the 210 unfaithful partners I’ve treated have had an affair with someone who was, at first, ‘just a friend.'” From 1991 to 2000, Glass discovered in her practice that 50 percent of the unfaithful women and about 62 percent of unfaithful men she treated were involved with someone from work. “Today’s workplace has become the new danger zone of romantic attraction and opportunity,” Glass writes.
Today’s careers offer more opportunity for extramarital affairs. Group interaction in coed workplaces, frequent travel and long hours create more opportunity and temptation than ever. Glass writes, “all of these changes and others allow individuals to mix freely where once they were segregated and restricted.” Studies published in the American Sociological Review and the Journal of Marriage and Family show that before 1985, divorce rates were about equal among working and homemaking women; however, “between 1985 and 1992, the annual probability of divorce among employed wives exceeded that for nonemployed wives by 40 percent.””
As any of my regular readers know, I am not a huge fan of Focus on the Family because of how much they pretend to be for the traditional family, yet they utterly gut Biblical gender roles with many things they teach. But in this instance the author of this article is absolutely right that “As the boundaries that once separated the sexes crumble, so do the boundaries that protect marriage.”
One of the many reasons I have argued against careerism for women is that mixing men and women together in a workplace for 40 to 50 hours a week, especially in fast paced or high stress level environments will inevitably lead to extramarital affairs. And the stats as Focus on the Family has shown prove that.
The only men that women can be close friends with are close blood relatives or their husbands. That is, it. Otherwise you always run the risk of that friendship turning into something it should not. Yet our progressive friends living in their pretend little world want to deny this basic tenant of human nature even though evidence to contrary surrounds them each and every day.
Whether it be socialism or egalitarianism, the only way these systems survive is on the backs of the capitalist and patriarchal systems they so detest. The capitalists make all the money for the socialists to spend and the Patriarchal families produce the children for egalitarians to later indoctrinate.
So, at some point when enough of the capitalists and patriarchal families get tired of supporting those who detest their way of life and values and actually band together then these horrible social experiments will finally come to an end.
But until that day of reckoning comes, we as Bible believing Christians need to follow the command God gave to parents in Israel:
“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.” – Deuteronomy 6:6-9
Whitney Houston, like Focus on the Family was often wrong in her life’s philosophies. But she was right in her song that “The Children Are Our Future”. That is Biblical. The struggle for the future is a struggle for the hearts and minds of our children and young adults.
Conservative Christian families in America have far more children than secular progressive families do. We just need do what Deuteronomy 6:6-9 admonishes us as Christian parents do and heavily indoctrinate our children with the Word of God.
We don’t need to shelter our children from the world, but rather we need to expose each and everything they see in the news and around them to the light of the Word of God. We need to show them why God’s way is right and the world’s way is wrong.
But at the same time, we need to reach out to a generation of young adults whose minds are still moldable. Many of these young people came from homes where they have never been exposed to the teachings of the Word of God. We need to share these truths with them and expose the lies of socialism, egalitarianism and secularism humanism.
We can actually use ridiculous notions like this idea of putting women into combat units with men to open up conversations with young people. We can show them how a Biblical world view that teaches the reality of gender differences and why they exist is far superior to these views that deny the real and stark differences between the genders.
The “love has no labels” campaign was launched back in 2015. The purpose of this campaign was to conflate race, age and people with disabilities with homosexuality to further attempt to normalize homosexuality. So, in the commercials they will show older people kissing, interracial couples kissing and disabled people kissing and then compare that with gay and lesbian couples kissing as if it was the same thing.
According to lovehasnolabels.com our natural aversion to two men kissing or two women kissing at a football game or other public events is just an “implicit bias” that we may not even know we have and we can work to change this “bias”.
But according to God’s Word some types of love DO in fact have a label.
“For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.” – Romans 1:26-27
God labels what those two guys or two gals are doing as “vile affections” and “against nature”. Those are some pretty strong labels.
This is the first part of a new Instagram and Facebook campaign I am launching. I have had a presence on Facebook for many years but I am just expanding on to Instagram over the last six months. Because Instagram only allows 15 second clips, I am having to do something I am not good at – be very concise. But that is a good thing since most of our youth today have very short attention spans. If you can’t catch their attention in 15 seconds you may not catch them at all. But most of the teens and young people are on Instagram so while I will still be on Facebook, I am going to really try harder to target the Instagram audience with the message of God’s Word regarding Biblical gender roles.
But don’t worry, for those of my audience who want more meat (longer more detailed teaching) I will be doing longer videos this year as well.
Many Christian teachers teach that husbands and wives should be equally accountable to one another. We are told that neither the husband nor the wife should keep any information back from one another and that this complete transparency is the foundation for a healthy Christian marriage.
Before we get into the Scriptural arguments that proponents of this teaching make, we need to define what it means to be accountable.
Merriam-Webster.com defines “accountable” as “required to explain actions or decisions to someone”.
Dictionary.com defines “accountable” as “subject to the obligation to report, explain, or justify something; responsible; answerable”.
Now that we understand what accountable means we can discuss whether the doctrine of equal accountability between husbands and wives is founded in the teaching of the Bible or just the teachings of our culture.
The Husband and Wife are One Flesh
Christian teachers who teach equal accountability between a husband and wife base their doctrine on the following principle that God says a husband and wife are one flesh in marriage:
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.” – Mark 10:7-8
So, the argument basically goes like this. If a husband and wife are no longer two, but one, then there should be nothing that one knows that the other does not.
The problem with this interpretation of the “one flesh” principle is that the oneness between a husband and wife is not a oneness of equals.
The Scriptures tell us that marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and Church:
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” – Ephesians 5:22-24
Are Christ and his Church equals? Absolutely not. One leads and one follows.
Is Christ accountable to his Church? Is Christ required to explain his actions or decisions to his Church? Absolutely not. Does he sometimes explain his actions? Yes, but he is not required to do so.
Is Christ answerable to his Church? Must he justify whatever he does to his Church? The answer again is absolutely not.
The language of Ephesians chapter five on the position of the husband to the wife is crystal clear. There is no gray area here. The husband is the head of the wife “AS” Christ is the head of the Church. Therefore, the husband is not in any way accountable to his wife even though he and his wife are one as the Church is one with Christ.
Does Responsibility Always Equal Accountability?
Does this mean a husband does not have any responsibilities toward his wife? Of course, he does!
After God addresses the duty of the wife to submit to her husband in everything, he addresses the responsibilities of the husband toward his wife:
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” – Ephesians 5:25-29
There are several kinds of love in the Bible. There is an affectionate kind of love that is usually conditionally based upon what a person does for another. There is a family type of love that is instinctual which describes the love of a parent for a child or a child for a parent. There is a type of love that is sexually based. And then there is a love based in a choice and not feelings. This last kind of love is the one that is the strongest type of love and it is most often associated with God and his actions toward us. This is the kind of love God commands husbands to have toward their wives in Ephesians chapter 5.
Husbands are called by God to choose to love their wives by washing their wife’s spiritual spots and wrinkles with the Word of God (teaching, correcting and rebuking them as necessary), they are to provide for their wife’s physical needs, protect their wife’s body as if it were their own and give their lives to save their wife’s life as Christ did for his Church.
But just because we have responsibilities toward someone does not always mean we are accountable to that person for how we fulfill those responsibilities.
For instance, a teacher is responsible to their students for teaching them the right materials they need to learn. But they are not accountable to their students for fulfilling those responsibilities, but rather their school leadership.
Another example would be parents. Parents have many responsibilities toward their children, yet they are not accountable to their children for how they fulfill those responsibilities.
But sometimes we are accountable to the person that we have responsibilities toward. We as both men and women have many responsibilities toward God and we are also accountable to him for how we fulfill those responsibilities. But women are also accountable to their husbands for how they fulfill their responsibilities to them as wives and mothers to their children.
Men and Women Were Created Unequal for a Specific Purpose
If a husband and wife were equal partners in marriage, like two equal partners in a business together then yes, they would be required to be completely transparent and there could be no secrets. All decisions would need to be made jointly and agreed upon together.
That is what the world, and sadly many Christian churches and teachers teach today – that marriage is an equal partnership between a man and a woman.
But the Scriptures are clear in multiple passages throughout the Old and New Testaments that marriage is not a partnership of equals, but rather it is a patriarchy or male lead relationship. And God did not just flip a coin as some people think “because someone had to be in charge”.
The Scriptures show us that marriage was purposefully designed the way it was as part of God’s larger plan shown in I Corinthians 11:
“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” – I Corinthians 11:7-9
The passage above from I Corinthians that I have just shown you is one that you will not hear in most Churches today. Instead you will hear all the time how God made man and woman equally in his image.
Most Christian teachers today appeal to the Genesis account to teach that God made man and woman equally in his image:
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” – Genesis 1:27
They teach “See it says male and female created he them. That means God created both man and woman equally in his image”. But is that really what that passage teaches? Does it say God created male and female in his image or does it just say that God created male and female? Read the passage again.
And while the Hebrew word for man (“adam”) can be mean mankind there are two reasons that we know it refers specifically to male human beings and not all mankind (men and women). The first reason is the key phrase “created he him” and this refers particularly to Adam, the man, the male. Therefore, we know that when it says he created man in his image, it is referring specifically to male human beings, not female human beings. The second reason we know he was not referring to creating both men and women equally in his image is because of Paul’s divine commentary from I Corinthians 11 that we have just mentioned. It clearly states that man is “the image and glory of God” and then uses “but” indicating that woman is NOT the image and glory of God. Woman is “the glory of man”.
So, it is NOT Scripturally accurate to say that men and women are equally created in God’s image or that God split his image between men and women.
And there is a reason man is created in God’s image and woman is not. Man was created by God to image him, or live out his attributes, and thereby bring him glory. Woman was created by God for man to help man in is primary mission to image God. It is not woman’s mission to image God, but rather it is her mission to help man in his mission to image God.
Man could not fully image God without being a husband and father. Therefore, God had to make woman to be his wife and the mother of his children. It really is that simple. A woman who fights to be equal with a man or one who is offended because she is not equal to a man is a woman who has a problem with God’s plan for her life.
The American Egalitarian Lie
I realize what I have just said here is extremely offensive to our culture’s modern egalitarian views. We are taught in America that everyone is equal and that men and women should have equal rights. And by extension we are taught that marriage is a partnership of equals where all actions and decisions must be discussed and agreed upon because men and women are equal.
The vast majority of Churches and Christian teachers have bowed to our egalitarian culture and in the process many Christian books and articles have been published over the last half century trying to make the Bible fit an egalitarian worldview. The primary passage that Christian egalitarians use to teach this view is found in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Galatians.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.” – Galatians 3:28
Christian egalitarians use Galatians 3:28 to cancel out the rest of the Bible in regard to gender roles. It really is a very faulty interpretation of the Bible. Christian Egalitarians ask us to believe the ridiculous notion that somehow Paul changed his mind about what he wrote in Ephesians 5:22-31 and he just canceled it all out with Galatians 3:28.
And we are also supposed to believe that the Apostle Peter did not get the memo from Paul because he wrote in I Peter 3:1-6 that women were to be in subjection to their husbands and show respectful fear to their husbands and follow Sarah’s example who obeyed her husband and called him lord.
This is why I have maintained for years that you have throw the doctrine of Biblical inerrancy out the door to be a Christian Egalitarian. There are not mistakes and no contradictions in the Bible. And the Scriptures interpret the Scriptures.
I Corinthians 11:1-6 is speaking about the purposes for which God created man and woman and man’s primary mission to image God. That is why men are not to wear a head covering for worship and prayer and women are. That is also why God is always referred to in the Bible in the masculine sense as husband, father and son. It is why Christ had 12 male Apostles. It is why the priests in Israel had to be male.
Ephesians 5:22-31 and I Peter 3:1-7 are speaking to gender roles in marriage as part of God’s larger plan for man to image God and woman to picture the people of God in her submission and service to her husband.
And finally, Galatians 3:28 has absolutely nothing to do with gender roles in this world or marriage. It is speaking to the subject of salvation! The Apostle Paul was saying men and women, Jews and Greeks, slaves and freemen could all be saved and be a part of the body of Christ.
But Accountability Keeps Us Out of Sin!
Some would argue that even though the husband does not have to be accountable to his wife, because he is her head as Christ is the head of the Church, that he still should be accountable to her to keep from sinning.
I think accountability partners are a great thing to have in our spiritual life. I have several of them where we confess to one another when we fail and try to encourage one another in in our walk with God.
The Scriptures give us the following admonitions that I believe support the concept of having accountability partners.
Accountability Partners Sharpen Our Character and Make us Better Christians
“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” – Proverbs 27:17
Accountability Partners Give Us Someone to Confess Our Fault To
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” – James 5:16
Accountability Partners Keep Our Secrets
“A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.” – Proverbs 11:13
Accountability Partners Tell Us When We Are Wrong
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” – Proverbs 27:6
Accountability Partners Encourage Us to Keep Doing What is Right
“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
So, yes accountability partners are a great thing for us all to have as Christians. But that then leads us to our next point.
Why A Husband Should NOT Make His Wife His Accountability Partner
So, after reading all of the previous passages you might be asking “Why should a man’s wife not be one of his accountability partners?”
There really are two reasons.
The first reason is that it undermines his authority by making him spiritually accountable to his subordinate. The reason a husband should not have his wife as an accountability partner is same reason a Pastor should not have one his members be his accountability partner. Accountability partners should ALWAYS be equals, and never subordinates.
The second reason a husband should not have his wife as an accountability partner is because of the simple fact that she is a woman. Men and women are different. We have very different spiritual struggles and very different natures. A man cannot fully comprehend or understand the spiritual struggles of a woman nor can a woman fully comprehend the spiritual struggles of a man.
That is why the Scriptures even encourage gender segregated spiritual mentoring:
“But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:
That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.” – Titus 2:1-6
So, again Accountability partners are great. But wives should not be accountability partners for their husbands because they are their husband’s subordinate and because they are women and cannot fully relate to the spiritual struggles of a man.
Why Women Want to Know Everything About Their Husbands
The Bible talks about women wanting to know everything about the people around them (which would include their husbands) and how they can get into trouble with this part of their nature:
“And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” – 1 Timothy 5:13-14
And just as marriage helps to keep couples from fornication (I Corinthians 7:2-5) so too we are told that marriage is the answer to keeping women from being tattlers, busy bodies and speaking things they ought not to.
In fact, the very first sin woman committed had to do with her seeking out knowledge that was forbidden to her (Genesis 3:6). But it is not just a woman’s lust for knowledge, but also her lust for power that drives her to make her husband accountable to her.
In the Genesis account we read the following:
“Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” – Genesis 3:16
And God’s statement to Eve mirrors what he said to Cain:
“If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.” – Genesis 4:7
So, as we can see, in the same way that Cain’s sin nature desired to control him, but he had to rule over it, so too a woman’s sinful nature causes her to try to control her husband, but he must rule over her.
Wives, It is Not for You to Know
How many TV shows have you seen where a woman breaks up with a man for keeping something a secret? And I don’t mean him cheating with another woman. I mean any secret. Women in our post-feminist culture have been taught that they can expect their men to tell them everything. Anything held back by the man from the woman is considered a breach of trust and could possibly end the relationship.
For Christian wives reading this – what would your reaction be if you asked your husband to read his email and he said “it is not for you to know”. What if you asked him for his password for his phone or social media accounts and he said “it is not for you to know”. If you are like most American women you would be infuriated. Because you have been brought up in a culture that teaches you that you are an equal partner with your husband in your marriage and you entitled to know everything he knows and everything about him.
What if your husband decided to lock you out of the bank and manage the finances completely on his own? Most American women would completely rebel. But do you know who says to his wife “it is not for you to know”?
“And he said unto them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power.” – Acts 1:7
That’s right. It was Jesus Christ himself.
It is utterly amazing to me how many modern Christian teachers grab Ephesians 5:25’s statement“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” and then the just fill in whatever they think what that love means.
Modern Christian teachers teach that Jesus was a husband that lived to make his wife happy. But the Bible teaches that Jesus was a husband that lived to make his wife holy (Ephesians 5:26-27).
Modern Christian teachers teach that Jesus was a husband who never corrected his wife or tried to change her. But the Bible teaches us that Christ washes his wife’s spiritual spots and wrinkles with the Word of God to make her the wife he wants her to be (Ephesians 5:26-27). It also teaches us that he rebukes and chastens his wife out love for her (Revelation 3:19).
Modern Christian teachers teach Jesus was a husband who was completely transparent with his wife and held nothing back from her. But the Bible teaches us that Christ does indeed hold things back from his wife and tells her there are things that are not for her to know (Acts 1:7).
Christian wives – I know a lot of the Scriptures and information I have given you here might be new to you. It might even be offensive to you. But it is what the Word of God teaches.
You will find absolutely no Scriptural support for a lot of what you hear and read today in Christian circles that basically teaches partnership marriage. Sadly, some Christian groups pretend that they teach male headship only to gut it making the man nothing more than a figure head leader.
This is not about a power trip. This is not about men hating on you as a woman or trying to make your life miserable. It is about God’s design.
So, what you need to do is follow the admonition of the Apostle Paul when he wrote:
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” – Romans 12:2
You need to renew your mind. You need to unlearn the feminist and egalitarian teachings you grew up with in school and church and maybe even in your own family. That is tough process. It won’t be easy and it will take time. But if you yield to the Holy Spirit you can do it with his help.
Also, before I conclude with the men, I want to clarify something for you ladies on the subject of accountability partners. While I think it is great and valuable for women to mentor and be accountability partners with other women it needs to be the right kind of women. It needs to be a spiritual woman who will not contradict your husband’s spiritual leadership. In addition, you are still accountable to your husband as well because he is your spiritual head.
In practical terms, that means if your husband wants to know your passwords for your phone, email and social media accounts you must give it to him but he does not and I would argue should not give this same information to you. Why? Because as I said before he is your authority and you are his subordinate. He is responsible for monitoring and if necessary, correcting your behavior, but you do not have that same right and responsibility toward him.
“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” – 1 Corinthians 16:13 (NASB)
The Bible does not just call you to be a figure head leader as some churches teach today, but it tells you that you are to be “One that ruleth well his own house” (I Timothy 3:4). You are to be a ruler, not just a leader.
Do not undermine your spiritual authority by making yourself accountable to your wife. Make yourself accountable to other good Christian men, but not your wife. But realize at the end of the day the one you are truly accountable to is Christ who is your head (I Corinthians 11:3).
You are the head of your wife as Christ is the head of the Church (Ephesians 5:23). Your wife is not spiritually accountable for you to God, but rather you are spiritually accountable for her to God. You are tasked with teaching her (1 Corinthians 14:35) and washing her spiritual spots and blemishes with the Word of God (Ephesians 5:25-27).
And I encourage you to read Romans 12:2 as well and seek the renewal of your mind through the help of the Holy Spirit. You must unlearn what our American culture has raised you with and replace that with the truth of God’s Word. This is the only way you can truly fulfill your mission as a man to image God with your life and thereby bring him glory.
“What do you do as a spiritual wife if you know that your husband is aroused by your pain (sexual sadism). And that it is inflicted purposefully? How much of this type of pain is it our duty to endure?”
The overwhelming vast majority of men would be turned off by their wife expressing any symptoms of pain during sexual intercourse. This natural response is by the design of God. Whether it be with our wives, our children, other human beings or even animals the natural human response to pain is that we are uncomfortable with seeing it.
A sadist is one who actually enjoys causing pain, or watching pain being caused to others. A sexual sadist is one who is sexually aroused by causing pain to others. Some sexual sadists cannot be aroused to sex by any other way except causing the person they are about to have sex with pain. And to continue their arousal during sex they need to continually be causing pain to that person as they are having sex with them.
Unfortunately, though, pain is apart of living in this sin cursed world. We all experience lesser or greater amounts of pain from various activities. Some people experience chronic types of pain every day of their lives. Many common chronic types of pain revolve around neck, back, shoulder, and joint paint that people suffer on a daily basis especially as they age.
Many couples have to overcome chronic neck, shoulder and back pain in order to have sex.
And in some situations, husbands must overcome how their wife’s chronic pain inhibits their sexual arousal. They take no joy or arousal from their wife’s pain, and they must block it out to find any enjoyment in sexual intercourse with her. They must train their minds to take pleasure from sexual intercourse with their wife DESPITE her pain for the proper bonding of their marriage and to keep from sexual temptation.
A husband who is a sexual sadist is one who is aroused by the pain his wife is having both before or during sex, and he is most aroused by pain that he inflicts on her. A husband who is not aroused by his wife’s pain, but has sex with her DESPITE her pain for the good of their marriage cannot be classified as a sexual sadist.
The Bible Condemns All Forms of Sadism
The Bible condemns sadism in several passages including the following passage from Mark 7:20-23:
“20 And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man. 21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22 Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: 23 All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”
The English word “wickedness” found in verse 22 is a translation of the Greek word ‘’Poneria” not to be confused with “Porneia” which refers to sexually immoral acts. This word refers to taking pleasure from causing others pain.
The English phrase “evil eye” also found in verse 22 is a translation of the Greek words “Poneros” and “Ophthalmos”. What this phrase refers to is one who derives pleasure from watching another person cause pain to others.
God shows us in Revelation 21:4 that suffering and pain are a result of the corrupting influence of sin on this world:
“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” – Revelation 21:4
A man who seeks to cause his wife pain to arouse himself sexually is engaging in wickedness. 1 Corinthians 11:9 tell us of man that “he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man”. The Scriptures tell us as part of this sacred duty for men to live out the attributes of God that they are to paint a picture of the relationship between Christ and his Church with their wives:
“25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself f or it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” – Ephesians 5:25-29
Can we honestly say that Christ gets a kick out of needlessly causing the church pain? The answer is no! While it is absolutely true that Christ disciplines his churches as seen in Revelation 3:19 he does this for their holiness, not because he gets his kicks from causing them pain.
God does not cause his people pain to arouse himself or amuse himself.
A husband is who causes his wife pain to sexually arouse himself is not protecting his wife’s body as he does his own. When a man causes his wife pain for his own arousal or amusement he is doing the exact opposite of what God calls him to do in Ephesians 5:29.
Husbands Who Use Misuse Biblical Truths to Satisfy their Sadism
Some Christian men take the doctrines of Biblical gender roles and use them for evil instead of for the purposes for which God intended them. The Scriptures tell us the following principles regarding the roles for which God created men and women:
Principle # 1 – Man is the Head of Woman and Woman Was Made for Man
“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God…Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” – I Corinthians 11:3 & 9
Principle # 2 – Part of God’s Purpose in Making Woman was For Man’s Pleasure
“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” – Proverbs 5:18-19
Principle # 3- Women are to Submit to their Husbands in Everything
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” – Ephesians 5:22-24
Principle # 4- Women are to Submit Even to Husbands Who Disobey God’s Word
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear… For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” – I Peter 3:1-2 & 5-6
Some Christian husbands use these four Biblical principles for evil and not for the purposes for which God intended them. Instead of using their God given position to image God and paint the picture of Christ and his Church with their wife they use their position for their own evil desires. And as we have said previously if a man seeks to be aroused by his wife’s pain this is an evil desire.
This area of sexual sadism is one that we cannot speak in generalities about. We must talk about specific examples of behavior so women understand what is and is not sadism.
Examples of Behavior By Husbands That Are NOT Sadism
As I have written extensively in another article – wife spanking is not unbiblical and is NOT automatically sadism. Wife spanking can become sadistic, but from the wife’s perspective it is very hard to tell. Just because the husband forcefully spanks his wife for some sin she has committed against him or others, does not mean he is acting sadistically. His actions could be righteous and holy.
I have had many Christian wives whose husbands spank them write me and ask “Is the fact that my husband gets a massive erection while spanking me a sign that he is acting sadistically toward me?” And I have told them NO, it is not an automatic sign of sadism on his part. It is perfectly natural for a man a man to get an erection while spanking his wife for a variety of reasons.
The first is that men are very visual – so him seeing her backside will cause him to be aroused. Secondly, men are turned on by dominating a woman, by exercising power over her. This is not sadism as God has designed and commanded that men should rule over women (Genesis 3:16). Thirdly, men are turned on by the submission of women – and after the spanking is completed the wife is now brought to a very submissive state. So it is possible that a man could be aroused for reasons God designed him to be aroused – because of seeing his wife’s backside, because of the exercise of his dominance over her and because of her submissive state after a spanking.
The act of a man taking his wife forcefully or him having rough sex with her either after discipline or completely separately from discipline is NOT automatically sadism on his part. In fact, this could be a very natural act for a man to do. After all – he has an erection and could be aroused for non-sadistic reasons. The Bible does not say that sex must always be of the gentle and affectionate variety. Sometimes a man just needs to take his wife. And it may be a little rough at times. And wives need to be ok with this.
Examples of Sadistic Behavior By Husbands
Now let’s return to husband’s spanking their wives. Is it possible that a husband may be looking for reasons to discipline his wife to satisfy his sadistic urges? YES. Is it possible that the main reason he is getting an erection while disciplining his wife is because he is being turned on by her pain? YES. But a woman can’t get in her husband’s head to know this for sure. This is something another man would have to explore with the husband.
But one definite way a woman could tell that her husband was spanking her for sadistic reasons is if he photographs her during discipline. Especially if he takes photos of her face – so he can capture the pain on her face and enjoy those images later. This is a dead give away of sadism on the part of the husband.
I have had many Christian husbands try and pass off to me this act of them photographing or taking videos of “punishment sessions” as them “just being turned on by their wife’s submission and not her pain”. But if a man photographs the pain on his wife’s face and the pain he inflicts on her backside and he is turned on not by the normal site of her rear end and vulva – but instead it being red and bruised that IS textbook sadism.
Some Christian husbands abuse their authority to convince their wife to do other horrible and heinous things.
I have corresponded with Christian husbands, professing the name of Christ, who have admitted that they forced their wives to strip naked in the presence of other men and then encouraged those other men to masturbate and ejaculate on their wife. They would convince their wife that she was not actually having sex with the man because he never physically touched them. Yes this really happened and does happen.
I have heard of husbands who attach electrodes to their wife’s clitoris to shock her clitoris as a supposed act of discipline. And they literally film this session focusing on the pain on her face and the swelling of her clitoris as a result of the electrocution. This is NOT biblical discipline – this is sadistic torture!
I have conversed with men via email who have forced their wives to purposefully wear very revealing clothes to public places and forced them engage in sinful exhibitionism and show their nipples to waiters or other men.
These actions of these husbands causing both pain and humiliation to their wives are textbook examples of sexual sadism. Yes – God caused pain and humiliation to his wife Israel to discipline her. But he NEVER got pleasure from doing these things. In Lamentations 3:32-33, God said this regarding the pain and humbling he brought to Israel because of her sin:
“32 But though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies. 33 For he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men.”
God did not want to cause his wife pain or humiliation (humbling). He did it because he had to because of her sin. Christ does not want have to chasten his churches either (Revelation 3:19), but he does so because he has to – because he loves his churches.
Sadistic husbands justify all this behavior by twisting the principle that God made their wives for them and that their wife must obey them in everything. They convince their wives that even if they ask them to sin, that she bears no consequences and the consequences are all on him. These men take their wives through mental conditioning courses breaking down their opposition to these heinous acts teaching them that I Peter 3:1-2 absolves a woman from all sin that her husband commands her to do.
Some men literally have used I Peter 3:1-2 to convince their wife to have full sexual intercourse with other men for their amusement.
So, what has my response been to these men who misuse Biblical truths to get their wives to submit to their sexual sadism? My response from one man who claims Christ to another who claims Christ has been simple. REPENT. What you are doing is wicked and you are perverting what God meant for his glory and not your desire for sin. You must recognize that if you are a Christian man with sadist tendencies these tendencies are NOT from God. They are a corruption of the sexual nature he designed in you.
You need to repent both to God and to your wife for this evil you have committed against her. And as a failsafe against you giving into your evil desires again, you need to tell your wife that she must resist your sadism with all her ability if this happens again. You need to explain to her the principles I will now outline for wives in dealing with their husbands who have sadist desires.
How Should a Christian Wife Respond to Her Husband’s Sexual Sadism?
“So on the one hand Biblically speaking we do not have to suffer or allow every kind of abuse from every sphere in our life but on the other hand the Bible does not allow us to or encourage us to do what the world says and confront EVERY kind of abuse or mistreatment toward us no matter what the offense is or where it comes from.
We all need to look to Christ’s example of “taking it patiently”.
What I was tackling in that article was the American “abuse” industry. We are told here in America that we are not to tolerate any kind mistreatment by others.
Many people did not actually fully read that article and did not see the disclaimers I made. I made it clear that if a person feels their life is threatened, or they are suffering serious physical abuse that causes permanent damage they should get out. They should seek out the proper authorities for help.
But today we have people saying if a husband or wife calls the other person a name that is “verbal abuse” and they need to get out of that relationship.
Now let’s relate this to a husband engaging in sexual sadism with his wife. This is definitely an abuse or mistreatment toward his wife. God did not give a man his wife so that he could arouse himself by causing her pain. This is evil and wicked in the sight of God.
So how should a Christian wife respond? Some Christian teachers would say she should separate from him and tell him if he does not seek counseling to address the issue, she will divorce him. The problem with that advice is that it is completely based on emotion and not one ounce of Scripture. That Bible does NOT allow a person to be divorced or free from their marriage for just any kind of mistreatment by their spouse. See my article “For what reasons does God allow divorce” for the Scriptural reasons that God allows divorce.
Trigger Warning for those of us raised in a “resist and fight all abuse culture”
The husband is called the master of his wife in 1 Peter 3:6. And the Bible says this to those who suffer under cruel masters in 1 Peter 2:18-19:
“Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.”
The word “froward” means “cruel”. God calls servants and wives to suffer cruel and sinful treatment from their masters.
But just as 1 Peter 2:18-19’s admonition to servants to endure cruel behavior from their master’s applies to wives – so too Exodus 21:26-27 applies to wives regarding their master husbands as well:
“26 And if a man smite the eye of his servant, or the eye of his maid, that it perish; he shall let him go free for his eye’s sake. 27 And if he smite out his manservant’s tooth, or his maidservant’s tooth; he shall let him go free for his tooth’s sake.”
If a sadistic husband does anything to his wife that risks or causes serious or permanent physical injury she may leave him.
Acts 5:29 very much applies to a woman dealing with a sadistic husband:
“Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.”
If the sadistic husband asks his wife to do anything that risks serious or permanent harm to her body she must respectfully decline.
If a woman’s sadistic husband in an effort to humiliate her commands her to do something like stripping off her clothes in front their dinner guests – the wife must respectfully decline.
If the sadistic husband commands his wife to flirt with a waiter at the restaurant they are dining at, again the wife must respectfully decline.
If the husband asks his wife to drink large amounts of alcohol the wife must decline both because it is a sin to become drunk and drinking too much alcohol can kill or seriously injure someone.
First a woman needs to be careful of calling her husband’s behavior sadistic when it may not be. Male dominance is not sadism. Rough sex is not automatically sadism. If a man takes pleasure from sexually dominating his wife this is not sadism. But if he takes pleasure directly from causing her pain or humiliation that is sadism.
If a husband acts upon his sadistic urges toward his wife there is no doubt that this a great sin before God. But Christian wives need to be careful of compounding their husband’s sin of sadism by adding their own sin of rebellion against God. God calls those under masters to suffer cruel and unjust treatment from them. This does not mesh with modern Western values which teach us to fight all forms of injustice and abuse. But it is the truth of God’s Word.
But there are of course limits on this. God allows a woman to be freed from a man who is so sadistic in his treatment of her that he risks serious or permanent bodily harm to her. God also allows a woman to respectfully decline anything her sadistic husband asks her to do which is sinful.