Most Christians, and for that matter most Americans, are woefully ignorant of any history beyond the last 20 years. It might surprise many modern Americans to know that for a man to physically discipline his wife was historically considered by societies and courts to be “within the matrimonial privileges of the husband” up until the mid-19th century with rise of Feminism.
Below is a late 18th century account of an Irish Judge ruling on the issue of a man beating his wife with a “switch”:
In the London Quarterly Review of Legal cases Vol 136, published in 1874, we read of a case that is referenced from a century earlier which established the right of husbands to spank their wives with switches:
“A Similar doctrine had been laid down by Dr. Marmaduke Coghill, judge of the Prerogative Court in Ireland, who in a suit by a wife for divorce on the ground that her husband had given her a sound beating, delivered a well-considered opinion that, with such a switch as the one he held in his hand, moderate chastisement was within the matrimonial privileges of the husband”.
In the famous Mississippi case Calvin Bradley v. State in 1834, the court ruled:
““By the ancient common law, the husband possessed the power of chastising his Wife…let the husband be permitted to exercise the right of moderate chastisement”
Then in 1850, Tennessee became the first state to outlaw wife beating in the United States. Other states would soon follow in passing laws outlawing wife beating.
But still some courts disagreed with the new trend of outlawing a husband’s right to “chastise” his wife. In 1864, the North Carolina Supreme Court gave the following decision in State vs Jesse Black:
“A husband is responsible for the acts of his wife, and he is required to govern his household, and for that purpose the law permits him to use towards his wife such a degree of force as is necessary to control an unruly temper and make her behave herself; and unless some permanent injury be inflicted, or there be an excess of violence, or such a degree of cruelty as shows that it is inflicted to gratify his own bad passions, the law will not invade the domestic forum or go behind the curtain.”
In the infamous 1871 Alabama case of Fulgham V. State the court ruled as follows concerning all physical discipline of a husband toward his wife:
“Since then, however, learning, with its humanizing influences, has made great progress, and morals and religion have made some progress with it. Therefore, a rod which may be drawn through the wedding ring is not now deemed necessary to teach the wife her duty and subjection to the husband. The husband is therefore not justified or allowed by law to use such a weapon, or any other, for her moderate correction. The wife is not to be considered as the husband’s slave. And the privilege, ancient though it be, to beat her with a stick, to pull her hair, choke her, spit in her face or kick her about the floor, or to inflict upon her like indignities, is not now acknowledged by our law”
Even after these rulings the practice of wife spanking continued to be common practice in America well into the 1950s. It was portrayed in old films and TV shows right up to the 1970s. It was during the 1960s and 1970s with second wave feminism that the “Domestic Violence” movement attempted to eradicate wife spanking completely from American society. Wife spanking would of course return as as sexual type of fun, but it was never to be used as actual discipline by a husband toward his wife.
So as we can see from the rulings above, the practice of a husband physically disciplining his wife was considered an “ancient” privilege until western society began rejecting it in the mid-19th century. So the question is were they right to do so?
The Bible, not Culture, Should Determine Our Morality
Even though wife spanking was practiced in most cultures for most of human history that does not automatically make it right. Culture, or the majority view on whether something is right or wrong, does not make it right or wrong. For us as believers we must measure every thing we think, do or say by the God’s standard of right and wrong which is the Bible.
When we look at the Bible and not our feelings or what our culture believes as our starting point it will literally transform our view of this world. We will see things we never saw before.
The Bible tells us:
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
Romans 12:2 (KJV)
So, we are told that we are not to be conformed to what our world or our culture thinks is right but rather we are to renew our minds according to what God thinks is right. But then how do we know what the will of God is? How do we know what is moral by God’s standards?
“10 And the brethren immediately sent away Paul and Silas by night unto Berea: who coming thither went into the synagogue of the Jews. 11 These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.”
Acts 17:10-12 (KJV)
“4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.”
Matthew 4:4 (KJV)
The answer to the question of knowing what is the will of God is to look to his Word found in the Bible. We need to be as the Bereans who searched the Scriptures daily for the truth of God’s Word and once we find that truth we need to apply it to our lives no matter if it conflicts with our cultural upbringing or not.
What does the Bible say about Wife Spanking?
The Bible does not specifically speak to the situation of wife spanking and some believe because this is the case then wife spanking is forbidden.
But we must be careful when we come to the Bible and it does not address a specific case of behavior with either a positive example or a command. In these cases where we do not have a situation specifically addressed we must be careful of two extremes. One is the extreme that we can do anything we want if it is not specifically addressed and the other is if it is not specifically addressed than we cannot do it. Both extremes are wrong.
Instead we must look for general principles the Bible does teach that we can then apply to specific situations the Bible may not speak to.
For instance, the Bible does not say anything about phone sex and web cam sex. So, would we say it is ok for a man’s wife to have virtual sex through a web cam or phone with another man because the Bible does not address this specific situation? Of course not.
Instead we would look to this general truth taught in the book of Hebrews:
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
God only honors and allows sexual relations between a man and woman within the covenant of marriage. We don’t have to physically touch one another to sexually relate to one another. We can sexually relate to one through things like web cams, phones, texting and emailing as well. Any type of sexual relation that is not that of a man and woman within the covenant of marriage is not honored by God, but rather it is condemned.
Another area the Bible does not specifically speak to is physical abuse in the family. We don’t see the Bible specifically condemning men punching their wives or children in the face but we have this condemnation of masters toward their male and female slaves:
“26 And if a man smite the eye of his servant, or the eye of his maid, that it perish; he shall let him go free for his eye’s sake. 27 And if he smite out his manservant’s tooth, or his maidservant’s tooth; he shall let him go free for his tooth’s sake.”
Exodus 21:26-27 (KJV)
How would a person get their tooth knocked out or their eye permanently damaged? In most cases it would be their master either punching them in the face or shoving them to the ground where they knocked their head on something causing the injuring. This tells us God does not approve of punching and shoving as acts of discipline.
So, while this passage in Exodus 21:26-27 does not specifically speak to marriage we can apply this as a general truth to marriage and the family. If God condemns masters doing these things to their slaves then he certainly condemns husbands and fathers doing these things to their wives and children who have more rights under God’s law than slaves.
Now we need to apply this same method of searching the Scriptures to this area of wife spanking.
Two Biblical Principles That Allow for Wife Spanking
While the Bible does not specifically speak to wife spanking (either specifically allowing it or specifically condemning it) we must ask the question “Are there general principles of the Scriptures that would speak to this issue?” The answer is YES.
Principle #1 – Husbands Have a Right and Responsibility to Discipline their Wives
The Bible tells us that husbands are the head of their wives “as Christ is the head of the Church”:
“23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Ephesians 5:23-24 (KJV)
Not only are husbands the head of their wives as Christ is the head of the Church but God created marriage to model the relationship of Christ to his Church. Husbands are to model Christ’s headship over his Church by loving their wives as Christ loves the Church. One of the primary ways in which Christ loves his Church is in his spiritual washing of her:
“25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”
Ephesians 5:25-27 (KJV)
This spiritual washing by Christ of the spots and wrinkles of his Church is discipline. Christ alludes to this same concept in the book of Revelation after rebuking his seven Churches:
“As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.”
Revelation 3:19 (KJV)
So, it is clear from the Scriptures that if a husband is modeling the relationship of Christ to his Church with his wife he has not only the right, but also the responsibility of spiritual disciplining his wife.
Principle #2 – God Allows Physical Punishment As A Form Of Discipline
The Bible tells us that God approves physical punishment as a form of discipline in the following passages:
“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
Proverbs 13:24 (KJV)
“13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.”
Proverbs 23:13-14 (KJV)
“If there be a controversy between men, and they come unto judgment, that the judges may judge them; then they shall justify the righteous, and condemn the wicked. 2 And it shall be, if the wicked man be worthy to be beaten, that the judge shall cause him to lie down, and to be beaten before his face, according to his fault, by a certain number. 3 Forty stripes he may give him, and not exceed: lest, if he should exceed, and beat him above these with many stripes, then thy brother should seem vile unto thee.”
Deuteronomy 25:1-3 (KJV)
“Judgments are prepared for scorners, and stripes for the back of fools.”
Proverbs 19:29 (KJV)
“A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool’s back.”
Proverbs 26:3 (KJV)
As we can see from these passages of the Scripture – not only is physical discipline approved by God for children but it is also approved by God for adults.
When we take these two Biblical principles together we see that God has given men both the right and responsibility to discipline their wives and God approves of physical discipline for adults. Therefore, we can rightly conclude from these two Biblical truths that God allows men to spank their wives.
Objections to Wife Spanking
The primary objection to wife spanking is that such an action infantilizes women, or in other words it treats women as children. I receive comments like this one I did today all the time:
“Women are no more sinful than men, no less intelligent and shouldn’t be treated like naughty children. If a husband has authority to discipline his wife than a wife should have authority to discipline her husband. They should treat each other with love and fairness. Both are adults; none is a lesser being. A marriage should be a loving partnership.”
There are several false presuppositions in the statement above.
Spanking no more infantilizes a woman than a speeding ticket from a police officer infantilizes a man. Adults can and do discipline other adults all the time.
But some will answer my police officer giving a ticket analogy with “a speeding ticket is a piece of paper and the officer is not bending you over his knee and spanking you”. The reason for this kind of answer is because in our modern culture we look on any type of physical punishment with disdain. We think physical punishment, especially toward adults is “uncivilized”. But such thinking is at odds with the Bible.
Another problem we have is that we think wives are immune from discipline in the home because our culture teaches the false ideology of partnership marriage. Discipline in the home we are told is strictly reserved for children. So it is easy to understand with these false beliefs about physical punishment and discipline how many people might think wife spanking infantilizes women.
However, the Bible makes it clear in passages like Ephesians 5:22-33 and I Peter 3:1-7 that marriage is not a “partnership” but rather a patriarchy. It does not get any clearer than “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:23).
The fact that “both are adults; none is a lesser being” or in other words that both husbands and wives are fully mature human beings is irrelevant.
Does it matter that at my job my boss is an adult and I am adult? The fact is the owner of my company who is an adult has put my boss whose is an adult in charge of me an adult. It does not even mean that my boss is necessarily smarter than me. It does not mean I am less of a human being than my boss but rather it means I have a lesser POSITION than my boss.
And the fact is that the Bible is clear that as Christ is the head of the Church so too God the owner of humanity has put male human beings in charge of female human beings in marriage. It really is that simple.
I also agree that “Women are no more sinful than men” but that is not why God has placed men in charge of women. Read I Corinthians 11:1-16 and Ephesians 5:22-33. Really read it. These passages show it was no accident and it was not because of sin or God just rolling some cosmic dice that he placed men over women in marriage. These passages show that God created women and the institution of marriage to help men fully image God as husbands and fathers.
God made man to image him and by doing so bring him glory (I Corinthians 11:7). In order to help man fully image God’s attributes as a husband and father he created woman and by extension marriage for man (I Corinthians 7:9). God created marriage to create a model of the relationship of God to his people and in the New Testament era of Christ to his Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Just as Christ loved his Church by giving himself up for her to wash her spiritual spots and wrinkles with the Word of God so too husbands are called to wash their wife’s spiritual spots and wrinkles, in others words they are called to discipline their wives (Ephesians 5:25-27 & Revelation 3:19).
No Scriptural principle or command forbids a man from using physical discipline as method of discipline with his wife. In fact, the Scriptures show God allows physical punishment of adults as a form of discipline in Deuteronomy 25:1-3, Proverbs 19:29 and Proverbs 26:3.
I have received many emails over the years from Christian women who willingly allow their husbands to use spanking as a form of discipline. What they have in common is that they have told me this is a humbling experience for them and reminds them of two things. It reminds them of their position before their husband that God has placed them in. It also reminds them that their husband truly loves them as Christ said of his Churches in Revelation 3:19 “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.”
I know a lot of other women who truly believe in Biblical gender roles and try very much to submit to their husband’s leadership and even non-physical discipline. But they struggle with this concept of wife spanking because in our modern culture spanking is only associated with children so they believe it is a husband treating his wife as his child instead of his wife.
I would encourage such women to reconsider these thoughts and not conform their thinking to the culture they have been raised in. I would encourage these Christian women to renew their minds according to the Word of God.
If you as a husband are interested in learning more about how to implement Christian domestic discipline (wife spanking) into your marriage in a safe and effective manner which stays within the bounds of God’s law please consider subscribing to my podcast site. At BGRLearning.com, I have hundreds of podcasts about the teachings of the Bible related to gender roles including the podcast “A Husband’s Guide to Implementing Domestic Discipline” which you may find very helpful. There is also a companion episode for in the Christian women’s subscriptions entitled “A Wife’s Guide to Receiving Christian Domestic Discipline and Rough Sex“.
A Word of Caution to Christian Men Regarding Wife Spanking
But I want to close this with some words of caution on this subject of wife spanking.
Am I saying a man can do anything he wants to his wife and call it physical discipline? Absolutely not! See my article on “What Does The Bible Say About Abuse?” for more on that subject.
But even if wife spanking is not practiced in an abusive way we as Christian husbands need to exercise caution in this area. I have stated multiple times in this article that the Scriptures show that husbands have that right and responsibility to discipline their wives. But as in many other areas in life there is more than one way to skin a cat. The Bible does not command men that the only way they may discipline their wives is through spanking.
We as Christian husbands who are trying to being faithful to God by fully exercising Biblical gender roles need to realize there is a great persecution going on against God’s design of gender roles and those who would exercise them. I believe that because of the “present distress” (1 Corinthians 7:26), in other words the persecution of those who would fully exercise all their rights under the doctrines of Biblical gender roles, that we should do as Paul did and forgo exercising some of those rights (1 Corinthians 9:1-15).
I am not in any way saying we as Christian husbands should forego exercising our spiritual headship over our wives including disciplining them. In fact, if we don’t discipline our wives in one way or the other we are failing to image Christ in his relationship with his Church. Christ does not leave his church uncorrected or undisciplined and neither should we as husbands leave our wives uncorrected or undisciplined. But there are non-physical ways that we can discipline our wives. See my article “7 Ways to Discipline Your Wife” for non-physical ways that you can still exercise this right and responsibility as a Christian husband.
I think in this area of wife spanking that we as Christian husbands need to heed Christ’s admonition in Matthew 10:16 to be “wise as serpents”. While we do not need our wife’s consent to spank her anymore than we need her consent to discipline in her in any other way we need to realize that the wicked culture we live in is completely hostile to the teachings and exercise of Biblical gender roles. If you were to try and physically force your wife to receive a spanking you may accidentally cause serious harm to her in the process of forcing her to receive a spanking. Even if you can physically force her to receive a spanking without bringing any harm to her the fact remains under our legal system you could be arrested and brought up on charges if she were to report you.
So, my final word on this subject is this. Wife spanking is within the rights that God has granted to a husband as his wife’s spiritual head. I would never condemn any man for engaging in wife spanking as long as he did not engage in truly abusive physical behavior toward her. If wife spanking is done in a loving and controlled manner as all discipline should be done then this is holy and righteous before God.
Note: This article has been completely rewritten as of February 18, 2018 from it original posting on September 20, 2016. Because of this I have removed the previous comments and invite new comments on this updated version of the article.
27 thoughts on “Does the Bible allow a husband to spank his wife?”
Bravo. I love everything about this rewritten article, BGR. I am so happy to see that you have studied the word of God, and that He has brought you to these conclusions.
Have you applied this to your own marriage?
Magnificent work, BGR! 🙂 Keep up the good work!
As you can see from this article I believe that spanking is a perfectly acceptable and allowable method of discipline that God allows by husbands toward their wives in marriage. However as I also pointed out it is not the only method of discipline we can use with our wives – God allows physical discipline for adults but he does not say it is the only discipline that can be used. I also pointed out that we need to wise as serpents and understand the hostile culture that we live in toward Biblical gender roles.
For instance – I just spend several hours counseling a Christian friend of mine this week. He has been married 4 years. He started out believing his Christian wife was very submissive and things looked good for about the first year. Then all of sudden his wife’s true rebellious tendencies came out and now she openly rejects Biblical male headship. She and I have had some heated discussions when I have come over his house. They will get in arguments and his wife will literally follow him around the house and not leave him alone as he is trying to just separate himself from her. He went in the bathroom to shave and did not shut the door and she came in still wanting to argue with him. He told her to leave and she said “no”. So he said he was leaving and she said “no you are not” and she blocked the door way. So he literally picked her up under her arms and moved her out of the way. He did not shove her out of the way – he picked her up and moved her. His wife accused him of ABUSE! She said “Don’t you ever touch me like that again! Ever!” Now who was really abusing who in this case? If we are looking at this from the Biblical perspective of abuse the husband did nothing wrong in picking up his wife and moving her out of the door way so he could leave the room.
But I counseled him next time to pull out his phone and video record his wife blocking him and him trying to scoot around her so he has proof of what she was doing in case she ever says anything. And yes divorce has been discussed many times by both them but he is trying to save the marriage and do what is right.
With all that said I would not engage in wife spanking with my wife unless she came to a point where she accepted this as a God ordained method of discipline(which she does not). Do I need her consent? No. I could take her by force and attempt to fold her body into a spanking position to administer this discipline and before God I would be within my rights as her husband to do so.
However if I were to try and force this issue with my wife(who is by the way a very strong willed woman) and I were to hurt her and she were to call the police and I went to jail would this bring glory to God if I lost my family and my ministry all over trying to force a spanking on my wife? Rather there are non-physical ways that we as husbands can discipline our wives and those are the methods that I choose to use. With my wife the two primary methods of discipline I use is verbal rebuke and removal of my time. Occasionally it is me removing a date night or other outing we were going to do together.
There are two things my wife can’t stand – a verbal rebuke(especially a public one with an audience) and the removal of my free time. If the rebuke is something that is just between us I will keep it private. But if my wife disrespects me or disobeys me in front others I will often call her out right there on the spot. And that is often(but not always) a powerful incentive for her not to say or do certain things in front of the kids or others. And if I think it warrants it – or she does not act in a repentant fashion I will not give her as much of my free time as I usually do that week. I do go and do other things with my time leaving her to consider her actions.
My wife could call the police all day long about me verbally rebuking her, taking away my free time from her or canceling dates or trips we were going to take and you know what? I have no fear whatsoever of being arrested and going to jail – the worst that can happen is she can divorce me. This to me is following Christ’s Words to “be wise as serpents”. There is absolutely no arrest or prosecution of such things even if our wicked society calls these things types of “abuse”. So I can discipline her as God has called me and every other husband to do so and yet I do not have choose between keeping my freedom, my family and ministry and disciplining my wife.
If a wife comes to agree to physical discipline like we have talked about here I think that is a great step. In fact I think wives who do not resist their husbands efforts to spank them and accept this as a Biblical form of discipline are generally at a much higher level of submission than the average wife.
I noticed something the example you gave of your friend removing his wife from his path (without using too much force or doing anything that could cause her serious harm) and with the some of the examples that you used in your other article (a husband physically preventing his wife from undertaking suicidal actions or striking him). It seems that these are more defensive than disciplinary. Of course, you also pointed to instances of discipline and argued convincingly from a biblical perspective that they were permissible in certain circumstances. But I think that it’s worth making a distinction here for two reasons:
1. Legally, a husband who uses controlled force to defend himself from a wife who’s attacking him isn’t doing anything wrong. Similarly, a husband who uses force to restrain his wife when she’s trying to harm herself is on legally solid ground. Even in your friend’s case, his wife’s actions would legally be closer to abuse while his would be defensive. From a practical perspective, he should try to get proof that he acted in self defense because unfortunately, physical abusers (both male and female) often frame defensive actions on the part of their partner as equally or more abusive.
2. Wives aren’t allowed to discipline their husbands, but from a biblical perspective, I don’t think that a wife who defends herself by blocking her husband’s punch or getting out of a chokehold is sinning either. Nor would she be wrong for trying to thwart her husband’s suicide attempt.
I agree that both of those examples are in fact more defensive than disciplinary uses of physical force as opposed to a controlled front handed slap across the cheek or a spanking which would be purely disciplinary actions. I actually think even most of those who oppose spanking or slapping of wives would not condemn the man in those “defensive” actions I gave.
But I gave those examples for two reasons. The first is that they prove that physical force by a husband toward his wife is not always wrong even by what I would argue are the corrupt moral standards of modern culture. Secondly, going to your point here men have to be very careful even in exercising these defensive forceful actions toward their wives because our culture always assumes physical abuse of the man toward the woman if he lays a finger on her when she did not want him too.
On your second point:
I agree that while wives cannot discipline their husbands the Bible does not forbid them from taking defensive actions for themselves or toward their husbands. I would agree that a wife could attempt to physically intervene if her husband were trying to commit suicide. I would also agree that if he using her as punching bag or chocking her she has the right to defend herself from serious harm or a life threatening injury.
But we must be careful of the slippery slope on this issue and I will be addressing this in my upcoming article on how someone who is being abused(mistreated) in various ways should respond according to the Bible. I will give this hint of the direction I am going but I won’t respond to comments here until I finish the article.
Our culture teaches us a one size fits all approach to when others mistreat us(abuse us). They teach us we should NEVER suffer(allow) any type of mistreatment(abuse) from others. We are told we must confront all forms of abuse from wherever they come and they make absolutely no distinctions between a husband and wife, a parent and child, an employer and employee, a church member and a Pastor or a citizen and his government.
So from our world’s perspective children are encouraged to correct and rebuke their parents for every harsh word they may speak toward them. Wives are encouraged to confront every harsh word their husband speaks toward them. And this pattern is seen in churches as well as nations. In other words – every perceived or actual injustice is encouraged to be confronted no matter where it is or how it occurs.
The Biblical approach to us handling mistreatment(abuse) is not a “one size fits all approach”. The type of abuse and the sphere it occurs in(whether in marriage and the family, the church or in society with government) are handled differently. So on the one hand Biblicaly speaking we do not have to suffer(allow) every kind of abuse from every sphere in our life but on the other hand the Bible does not allow us to or encourage us to do what the world says and confront EVERY kind of abuse(mistreatment) toward us no matter what the offense is or where it comes from.
I will elaborate more on these principles in my upcoming article.
1. How hard should the spankings be and how long should they last? Should the husband be careful to only cause pain but not any damage?
2. Should the husband use a paddle, cane etc. or do it with his hand?
3. When has the wife been punished enough? Is it when her bottom starts to become light pink, when she starts to cry, when she starts kicking and crying like a baby (I’d say that’s the point when her stubborness and pride are gone) or when?
4. Must the spankings be done in private where no one can hear and/or see?
5. Should husband spank the wife when he is angry or should he calm down first?
6. How can the husband decide how hard to spank her? Are the some kind of “set of rules” (like 20 minutes of hard paddling for adultery for four days), 5 light hits with a hand for minor obedience, 5 minute medium hand spanking for public disobedience etc.)?
7. How does the husband make sure the spankings are done in justice (she gets what she deserves) and not in an unjust way (she gets spanked for nothing, she gets more than she deserves)?
YES, ENOUGH SAID! Doesn’t matter what people say. Yes he does. God put the husband is the authority of the home. What’s the use of having the authority if you can’t back it up, when most women need a good but paddling for being disrespectful and disobedient to their husbands. And believe me, I know many wives who need a good paddling on their bare bottoms.
So yes, he does allow husbands to spank their wives when they need it.
Bottom line is this. If women are taught to respect, submit, and obey their husbands, and men are taught 2 love a woman with all his heart as Christ does, but yet be strong and how he disagrees with her without being a chauvinistic dictating jerk and use the authority God has given him in the home, we wouldn’t have the problems we have. Society would be a much different place to live in. But the problem is, feminism has snuck into the church and has turned women into rebellious childish acting Bratz. Then they pushed the man around and he doesn’t know what to do. But if the roles are taught growing up, then the wife would know how she should act and behave. We would not have the divorce as we have.
Heck, I would love to go back to the 50s wear spanking your wife for Disobedience wasn’t even looked on as anything but normal. But we have too many spoiled brats and these women. And our men are not exactly holding up their end of the bargain either. It’s learned rolls in a Godly fashion that will turn society around, when Society turns around, marriages will turn around.
1. They should be hard enough to cause pain great enough to prompt the disobedient wife in question to think twice before persisting in any sinful rebellion against God or her husband again, while at the same time not causing any permanent or substantial harm to her(hinted by the Scripture which says that slaves, who had less rights than wives, in the OT had to be set free if their masters, which the husband also is to his wife in Earthly terms, caused them any permanent or substantial harm such as putting out an eye or knocking out a tooth. How long they should last is up to the husband to decide,
but within these parameters.
2. He could use his hand, or anything he pleases that would not cause permanent or substantial harm.
3. When she has been punished enough is again up to the husband to decide, within these parameters.
4. Nothing wrong with having the spanking be purely private, but if the husband is punishing his wife for rebellion she committed against God and him unrepentantly in front of their children, then I suppose if he wanted them to hear or see her punishment as a way of deterring them from committing the same conduct in any way by showing what will happen if they do, as well as to further humiliate his wife by having them see her punishment as an additional way to also entice her to think twice before committing this conduct again, then the husband could also do that.
5. If he punishes her in anger, then it must be righteous anger, which would mean he is angry at her sin, not spanking in any kind of vengeful rage for her conduct. But since it is not very easy to discipline in this way, I would recommend he calm down first indeed.
6. Based on the guidelines given above, the husband could easily decide how to do the spanking.
7. The husband could easily make sure they were done in justice by only doing them in response to unrepentant sinful rebellion, though as to the number of licks I’m not sure that could be answered in any way other than the number is his to decide.
Hi Sam, As someone who uses discipline to guide my wife, let me respond to a few of your questions:
1: Spankings should be as hard and long as they need to be to teach the right lesson and instill a contrite attitude. Obviously, they should not cause serious injury, but they might cause anything from a red bottom to some bruising which lasts up to a week.
2: A husband can use whatever instrument best does the job. I sometimes use a belt or a wooden paddle, but I occasionally use my hand.
3: As far as when punishment is enough, it really depends on different factors. More serious infractions will always receive more serious punishments, and lesser ones lesser punishments. I may also stop when I see her reach the right state of remorse. Either way, I usually have an idea when I will stop before I begin. I let her cry, and will spank through her tears. However, I may pause to comfort her a short time.
4: I have always done them in private, although it’s possible someone could hear. I have never considered doing them in public. Considering the intimate nature of the act, I would consider it inappropriate.
5: I never spank when I am angry, although I rarely do get angry. It is best to be calm at the time, and not impulsive. It should be firm and fair. She should understand why she is being punished. I usually lecture both before and during her spanking. There’s never anger there.
6: A husband uses his judgment in deciding how hard to spank. It is natural that I give harsh spankings for direct disobedience or disrespect. This does not happen often. More minor things like irresponsibility, unless it is the dangerous kind, receive a milder spanking.
7: The husband has to use his best judgment on being fair and neither too lax nor too hard. It is a punishment, but you are also instilling a lesson, and seeking to guide her. You keep the good of her soul and her life on your mind. It’s not an angry attack. It is firm and loving discipline.
I hope that helps.
Tom and Tyler; you both are amazing husbands! May God bless you and your marriages!
@Tina I am not a husband, I was just giving moral, Goddly answers to Sam’s questions, though I would employ those principles if I was married and I thank you for your kind support of my biblical position of marriage.
Thank you, Tina. God has greatly blessed our family!
The law is the law, but strictly speaking in terms of a Bible based marriage the decision to use or not to use spanking as a form of correction is completely up to the discretion of the husband. Spanking is not mandated as a form of discipline but neither is it not acceptable if the Husband feels he has need of this corrective tool. I agree with Tyler Bryant , it is permissible to correct a wife in front of the children because it reinforces in their mind the Husband and father’s leadership and authority in the family. Christian Domestic Discipline is openly practiced in our home
Thank you for your labor in the Word. My family and I are learning so many transforming truths from your teachings from the Biblical truths. These clear truths have been rejected by our churches and the society reflects the fruit of our doing it our own way. May God use these truths to heal many men and women and strengthen thier marriages and churches.
I agree with your biblical handling and reasoning. Have not implemented it with my wife but it is an interesting tool God has given us to help us submit. Fear of punishment is a God given restraint on us.
I am often surprised that some Christians try to separate the duties that husband’s authority imply with all the other authorities and their relevant duties discussed Peter 2:13-25. In Peter 2 the summary of the duty of authority is to “punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good”. Peter 3:1 unambiguously links a husband’s authority and duties (and a wife’s submission) to the previous passage. This often seems to be entangled in an argument that a husband has authority but not “that type” of authority.
I would like to point out 2 more things; that even Jesus took a the whip in his “own house” (without suggesting that husbands should start using whips) and that in my observations, the second duty of authority mentioned in Peter 2 is often neglected in the home… “praise those who do good”.
Those are interesting connections you draw, Edward. There definitely is a flow of topic between 1 Peter 2 and 3. There is the same flow through Ephesians 5 and 6. The contemporary “Christian” attack on the husband’s authority is baseless. They really have to argue from complete silence to argue against spanking, and they do real damage to Scripture in trying to water down what authority and submission mean in the first place.
Do not be surprised to hear some of the feminized Christians water down the authority of God as well. But they have been absolutely trained to hate men being in authority over women to the point you could call it conditioning. The husband certainly has real authority according to Scripture, and it is within the bounds of authority to use discipline. To rule out spanking as discipline offhand is truly arbitrary.
Agreed Tom and thanks for your thoughtful comments. I have been grappling with how to respond to theses issues recently and trying to rightly weigh the scriptural exhortations.
For the record, when I say unambiguously linked, (1 Peter 2 and 3) I mean that Peter 3 in the ESV simply begins “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands…” or in the NIV “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands…”. So where 1 Peter 2 teaches us the role of authorities and our duty of submission, 1 Peter 3 shows us that these principles are mirrored in marriage. However there is a clear warning to men that if our attitude to our wives lacks consideration and “respect as the weaker partner” (be this physical or in terms of position) it will hinder our relationship with the Lord.
So as all relationships the responsibility goes both ways. Whilst I see no problem with corporal punishment for discipline, I do see evidence from history of men abusing their power and ignoring their responsibilities. However just because it has been abused does not excuse us from ignoring the modern marriage crisis and opposing the denial that husbands have the real God given duty of judicial authority in marriage and the home, tempered by instructions to be examples of love, service and consideration for our wives.
There is a balance here that I think is required for the marriage relationship to work peacefully. The reason that I wanted to comment on this article is that the author often seems to me to articulate this balance well.
Sure Edward, There is a balance, for those who really care to understand. The common view is so negative toward the husband’s authority that I don’t think they have interest in understanding. I would not even view discipline as a force to be balanced with love, but ultimately as one function of love itself. Love cares to establish rules that nurture, aid, and protect. Love punishes harmful infractions for the good of the person and of the family. If it’s not hard to understand that a parent who disciplines a child does not hate or demean them, it should not be hard to understand that a husband who disciplines his wife neither hates nor intends her harm. It is an act which is for the good.
As a man who disciplines his wife, I can tell you it is simply a small part of the broader picture, which includes my lifelong commitment, hard work for the family, affection, protection, and tenderness. Discipline is simply one tool in loving and leading her. We have much happiness and peace, and I’d say it’s the kind of marriage others admire and view as a good example. Most people don’t wish to see that, because they are content to demonize those who discipline their wives, but it’s just one normal, good tool in managing the home. Regardless of whether a husband chooses to use spanking as discipline, he ought to take his authority seriously and use it for the good.
Hi Tom, I read what you said and absolutely agree.
Discipline is love and I was not trying to suggest a false dichotomy between love and discipline. I would say that I have personally been at odds with current church culture (at least my experience of COE youth culture) in that I have dared to question the anti patriarchy sentiment. However, as you are no doubt aware, I (we) are actually unusual in current western society and church culture in that we accept the biblical model of family authority and perceive the importance of issues like a husband’s disciplinary role. So looking for guidance and “lived examples” on how to integrate the discipline aspect of love with its other manifestations is hard to come by.
Personally I am grappling with these issues and an often fractious relationship with my wife, so I have great respect for those who have achieved happiness and peace. Looking for examples, I have seen a few “domestic discipline” web sites where the “tone” seemed wrong, almost a celebration of sadism. Maybe that’s just my problem with translation… but as I said, in this day and age its hard to find mature Christians in your local congregation who you can get to know, respect and imitate in this regard. I am often left to kind of experiment to see what works whilst fending off the condemnation of friends and family. (Demonise was apt).
Not sure if this is the right forum for these types of personal comments so I might take a break, but thanks for interacting with me. Its encouraging.
Hi Edward, Thank you. No I wasn’t claiming you presented any false dichotomy, just trying to point out how it is all unified around love and love’s purpose. I’m sure you recognize the falsehood of that dichotomy. I am saddened to learn you describe your marriage as fractious. It makes it harder that the culture and the church culture will not teach clearly and truthfully on marriage. There is nothing like the joy and fruitfulness of a peaceful marriage.
If there is anything I could do to help you I will. Feel free to write me if you’d like to talk about it. If the Admin here allows, one of my contacts is fellow95 at yahoo.
The best thing we ever did for our marriage is just root it in what the Bible plainly teaches from the start. We were both committed and agreed to that, and I learned to lead my wife from before we were married. We are prepared to fulfill our responsibilities in marriage without qualifications, and without strings attached. She also knew before marriage that I enforced discipline, and gave spankings. After many years of marriage I am more confident in its rewards than at the start.
I think there are very good domestic discipline forums out there, although some are private. I can’t recommend everything you’d find, but the more serous and mature ones usually have some good advice and worthwhile experiences to learn from, even if there are a few weak spots. I used to take part in forums for a while, but eventually left since all topics I could imagine had gotten discussed, and I didn’t have the time to keep up. There is also a lot of junk out there too, and some that is not very Christian, or leans too much toward the bdsm side.
I will start a discipline website soon. It would be mostly for teaching, but not a regular personal blog. God be with you.
My husband and I were married 44 years. Had three children and 14 grandchildren before he went home with Jesus. He was a Christian man and a husband who spanked his wife, me. But I realized my role as a submissive wife soon after we married. I know he loved me, wanted the best for me, and wanted me to be the best person I could be, serving God through our lives side by side. Thanks for this article. It made me appreciate even more what an awesome man I married and his dedication to Christ, to me and our family.
Bless you, Hopper. It sounds like a wonderful marriage to a very godly man.
As a woman who is spanked by her husband (I should say was…I got married at 17 and have been married for 5 years now. While spanking between six months of marriage and maybe 3 years was pretty common in our home it’s pretty much non existing now) I have to say I’d find it unnecessary to do it public (meaning in front of the children or so others can hear it).
We don’t spank our kids public, but it could happen that we have to take them to another room or the restroom of a restaurant etc. To discipline immediately and that makes sense with (young) children. But us wives aren’t children and we can well remember what we did hours, even days and years ago.
While I have respect for my husband I want him to respect me as well and humiliating me doesn’t show that.
If I lashed out in front of company to an extent that my husband thought a spanking was appropriate we just made up a code phrase. I haven’t heard it in a while which just shows that discipline is affective at any age.
My wife and I have been married 49 years. Jane grew up in a Christian home where spanking was openly practiced , Jane and her sisters were subject to spanking by her father until they married, her bothers up to age 13. Jane’s mother was subject to spanking as well. When I married Jane I had no intention of ever spanking her. However , despite the fact that she was sweet and deferential when we dated, after marriage she began to misbehave badly. After about a year of this behavior , with her father’s encouragement , I began spanking her for bad behavior. That was 48 years ago. All our children are married and these days Jane rarely needs to be spanked. But she knows she will never be too old to be spanked. So yes in a Christian marriage there is a place for spankings.
Ruth, I do not think anyone is advocating that a wife by punished in public. The proper place is to correct a disobedient wife is in the privacy of the home. I would never punish my wife in public. However, all our children growing up were aware that their mother was spanked by me. They were never encouraged to watch their mother being corrected, but rather they were generally expected to stay out of the room where their mother was being punished. And while it was possible for them to see her doing a timeout in the corner, they generally minimized any time where they were able to see her doing corner time, I never permitted anyone to gawk at her or talk to her when she was doing her corner time. Yes it humbled her to be punished but that is the price of disobedience as the Bible makes clear.
Thank you very much for your article so much filled with knowledge!
My husband started to take control of me with sound spanking as one punishment about two years ago. I am so greatful for that! I feel like a complete WOMAN and he is so much more loving and careful with me. I think this made us live in NATURAL gender roles. That would not have been possible without the spanking that so much sets a frame for me and for us.