Why God Wants Wives To Be Doormats

“A wife being submissive does not mean her being a doormat”.    This phrase is commonly used even within traditional and conservative Christian circles which promote the submission of wives to their husbands and male headship.    But this teaching, that wives should not allow themselves to be doormats for their husbands is totally unbiblical and instead finds its basis in modern humanist teachings.

The Modern Church’s False Doormat Doctrine

GotQuestions.org, in an article entitled “How can a Christian avoid being a doormat for other people?”  makes the following statements which accurately represent the modern Doormat doctrine:

“A doormat is a small rug placed just inside a doorway where people can wipe their dirty shoes before entering the house. The term doormat is also used figuratively to describe people who allow themselves to be (figuratively) walked on by others; that is, a doormat allows himself or herself to be abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of without mounting a defense. Since Jesus taught us to “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39) and to “do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27), was He telling us to be doormats?

Jesus was not teaching His disciples to be doormats. Rather, He was teaching that, to glorify God and show ourselves to be His true children, we need to be pure inside and out and to be as accommodating as possible for the sake of a lost world. To “turn the other cheek” does not mean we place ourselves or others in danger or that we ignore injustice…

It may appear noble and Christlike when someone allows himself or herself to be used as a doormat, but there could also be a selfish reason behind it. For example, some people allow themselves to be doormats because of their own insecurities and low self-worth. They fear rejection, so they allow their personal boundaries to be violated by others in hopes they will be appreciated and loved. They are trying to gain validation by purchasing it with their compliance, in effect, expecting fallible people to tell them who they are instead of relying on God to do that….

Third, Christians can seek wise counsel about boundary-setting. The Bible is a book of boundaries and consequences. Healthy boundaries make for healthy relationships. The word no is powerful. We need to learn that enabling the sins or irresponsibility of others is not loving; it is self-indulgent. Selfish fear, rooted in a desire for others to love, appreciate, or need us, propels us to rescue those who should experience their own consequences.”

So, what is the synopsis of this false doctrine?

The modern doormat doctrine teaches that no Christian man or woman should allow themselves “to be abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of without mounting a defense” and to tolerate such mistreatment makes one guilty of the sin of being a “doormat”.

According to the Doormat doctrine, in order to avoid the sin of becoming a doormat, a Christian must learn to set boundaries with others and learn the concept that “The word no is powerful”.  When one commits the sin of being a doormat, they are “enabling the sins or irresponsibility of others” and engaging in “selfish fear”.

And let’s not kid ourselves.  The Doormat doctrine was invented as a result of the influence of feminism in modern churches.  It was invented to give power to women that God never meant for them to have.  And that is why in most cases, you will see this Doormat doctrine applied to wives in regard to their husbands.

A Little Truth Mixed in With the False Doormat Doctrine

Many false doctrines have at least a little bit of truth in them.  This is what gets people to fall for false doctrines.  And this is the case with the Doormat doctrine.

First, it is true that is not always wrong for Christians to say no, in fact sometimes it absolutely right to say no and resist wrong doing that is being done against us or others.

In Deuteronomy 22:23-27 God requires that a young woman say no and cry out and resist if a man who is not her husband tries to make her have sex with him.  And the Apostles, when told not to preach the Gospel, said in Acts 5:29 “We ought to obey God rather than men”.      

In Nehemiah 4:14 the God given right and responsibility of men to fight to defend their wives, their children and their homes is firmly established where it states “fight for your brethren, your sons, and your daughters, your wives, and your houses”.

Even within the Christian church among the Apostles, we see that the Apostle Paul took a strong stand against injustice when he saw the Apostle Peter discriminating against the new Gentile Christians in Galatians 2:11-12:

“11 But when Peter was come to Antioch, I withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed. 12 For before that certain came from James, he did eat with the Gentiles: but when they were come, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing them which were of the circumcision.”

The point is that sometimes we must absolutely say no and take a stand against certain sinful behaviors that are committed against us or against others.

And certainly, we all must set the boundary with others that we will never allow someone to make us do something which God forbids in his law.

The Errors of the False Doormat Doctrine

One of the foundational errors of the modern church’s false Doormat doctrine is that it utterly ignores the relational context of when someone is being “abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of”.  But in the Bible, the relational context of when someone is being “abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of” is crucial to understanding what God wants our response to be in that situation.

For instance, if someone is threatening or committing harm against a man, his wife, his children or his property he has the God given right of self-defense (Nehemiah 4:14). 

But what about someone who has a master? If they are being “abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of” what does God say they should do in that situation? Should they mount a defense?  The answer is given to us in the following passage from 1 Peter 2:18-21:

“18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.  19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. 21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps”

So, what is God’s answer to those who have masters who are froward (cruel and unjust) toward them?  Does he tell them to mount a defense? No, but rather he tells them that it is “thankworthy” and “acceptable with God” for them to endure such unjust treatment by their masters and that in doing so they emulate Christ who also suffered unjustly.

And then, immediately after saying this to slaves regarding their masters, he says the following to wives regarding their husbands in 1 Peter 3:1-2 & 5-6:

“1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear…5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement”

When taken together – 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 teaches that those who have masters, whether they be wives or slaves, are commanded to endure cruel and unjust treatment from their masters.  And in doing so, those who endure mistreatment at the hands of their masters emulate Christ in his sufferings. 

Why 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 Is So Hard for Americans to Accept

1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 is a very difficult passage of the Bible for modern westerners, and especially Americans, to swallow.  This passage really takes a sledge hammer to the individualist and humanist ideals which form the foundation for modern American values.

Below is a list of modern American values which 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 contradicts:

  1. No person may be owned by another – to do so makes them a slave and slavery is always immoral under any circumstances.
  2. No person may be controlled or coerced against their will to do something they do not wish to do. (Of course, the humanists make exceptions for parents with children and the government making people do certain things like paying taxes, giving up guns or taking vaccines).
  3. Men and women have equal rights and should have equal opportunities in all areas of society.
  4. No person should ever tolerate abuse from another person, they should always defend themselves against any unjust treatment by others.

The fact is that the Bible does not hold to any of these modern core American beliefs.  The Bible explicitly allows the taking of slaves and the concept of human property in Leviticus 25:44-46.  The Bible does not condemn slavery, but rather it condemns the unjust taking of slaves in Deuteronomy 24:7 (someone taking one of his fellow citizens and selling them). The Bible also condemns the physical abuse of slaves in Exodus 21:20-21 & 26-27.   For more on the subject of slavery from a Biblical perspective see my article “Why Christians Shouldn’t Be Ashamed of slavery in the Bible”.

The Bible also teaches that a person can have a master (be owned) and yet not be slave.  This concept is a real head-scratcher for modern Americans but it is very Biblical.

In the passage above from 1 Peter 3:6, God exhorts women to follow the example of Sarah who called her husband “lord”.  The Greek word there is ‘Kurios’ which means “master/lord/owner” and throughout the Old Testament it was common for the Hebrew word ‘baal’ meaning “master/lord/owner” to be used in regard to a woman’s husband.

So, both wives and slaves have masters, yet wives are not slaves. 

The primary difference in the relationship between masters and their wives and masters and their slaves is that the master of a wife has a much greater set of responsibilities toward his wife than that of a master of a slave.   The master of a wife is to love her as Christ does his church and to provide for her and protect her as he does his own body.  A master of a wife is to give his body to his wife in the bed. He is to be willing to lay down his life to save hers.  He has a responsibility to mold her and teach her how to emulate the church and to be the glorious wife she needs to be.  A master of a slave has none of these responsibilities toward his slave.  For more on this subject of the Biblical comparison of wives to slaves see my article “8 Biblical Differences Between Wives and Slaves”.

And this is why passages like 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 is almost impossible for modern Christians to fully comprehend without first understanding that some of our core American values are in fact unbiblical.

But Aren’t Wives Enabling Sin If They Don’t Confront Their Husbands?

This is a very popular aspect of the modern false Doormat doctrine.  It teaches that if wives allow their husbands to sin against them by mistreating them that they are enabling their husband’s sin and thus sinning against God themselves in doing so. 

But I encourage you to look throughout the Scriptures to find God calling a woman to go to her husband and rebuke him to his face about his sin.  You won’t find one passage.  Yes, we have Pilot’s wife warning him about a vision she had about Christ in Matthew 27:19 – but that was not a rebuke – it was a plea.  And even with Abigail in 1 Samuel 25 when she acted to save her family from her husband’s evil deeds, she did not rebuke her husband to his face.

So, what is so different about the husband/wife relationship which forbids a wife from rebuking her husband? The answer is found in Ephesians 5:22-24:

“22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

The husband/wife relationship is different than any other human relationship.  It is a sacred institution created by God.  The husband represents God and the wife represents the people of God.   For the wife to rebuke her husband would symbolize the church rebuking Christ.  

Now some would argue that husbands are not perfect like Christ and that is true.  Christ was the only sinless man to ever walk this earth – amen.  

But the Biblical prescription for how women should handle sin in their lives of their husbands shows us that even though husbands are sinners, God has not given wives the right to rebuke or chastise their husbands for their sin.

The prescription for how a wife is to handle sin in the life of her husband, whether it is toward her or others, is found in 1 Peter 3:1-2.  The wife is to win her husband without a word, by her behavior (that is what conversation means in the KJV translation of 1 Peter 3:1).  

However, the situation is very different with a husband in regard to his wife.   The Bible tells husbands to love their wives as Christ does his church in Ephesians 5:25 and in Revelation 3:19 Christ says to his churches “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent”.  Therefore, we can rightly say that is a sin for a wife to rebuke her husband but on the other hand it is a sin for a husband not to rebuke his wife because the husband and wife have different positions and responsibilities.

Conclusion

The Doormat doctrine, the doctrine that wives should never allow themselves “to be abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of without mounting a defense” is completely contradictory to the Biblical teachings of 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6.

The Bible says it is “acceptable with God” (1 Peter 2:20) for those with masters, which includes wives, to “endure grief, suffering wrongfully” (1 Peter 2:19).  In other words, it is acceptable and honoring to God for wives to be doormats when it comes to their husbands.  And in doing so, wives emulate Christ when he suffered unjust treatment.

Rather than rebuking their husbands for each and every offense, 1 Peter 3:1-2 teaches wives to win their husbands without a word by their behavior which includes their pure actions, their submission and their reverence toward their husbands.

Can and should Christian wives have any boundaries with their husbands? Yes.

Not all forms of abuse must be taken by Christian wives.  The prohibition against masters abusing their slaves from Exodus 21:20-21 & 26-27 absolutely applies to masters (husbands) of wives.  And women can be freed from their husbands if their husbands do anything that risks serious bodily harm to them. Women can also take actions to defend themselves and their children against imminent harm that their husband’s actions pose against them or their children as Abigail did in 1 Samuel 25.

Women can and should establish the boundary with their husbands that they will never do anything which God forbids in his Word.  That means if a husband asks his wife to engage in a threesome with their neighbor or asks her to help him rob a bank, she must respectfully decline in obedience to God which is her higher authority.   

This really is the big difference between the Doormat doctrine and what the Bible teaches.  The Doormat doctrine teaches that wives should not tolerate any abusive behavior from their husbands, while the Bible teaches that women should tolerate most kinds of abuse but not all abuse from their husbands.

And a final note on husbands and their sin.  Many will ask – “If a wife cannot confront her husband on his sin than who can?” And then answer is other men.  Whether it be fellow male church members, his brothers, his wife’s brothers, his father or his wife’s father other men absolutely have a right and responsibility to confront one another about their sinful treatment of their wives.

Dominance, Dialogue and Delegation – Habits Newlywed Husbands Need To Implement in Marriage

There are three habits that every newlywed Christian husband needs to form in his marriage beginning on his wedding day.  And these are the habits of dominance, dialogue and delegation.  In this new podcast I have produced for BGRLearning.com, I supply newlywed husbands with biblically based, practical ways to help them establish the regular habits of dominance, dialogue and delegation with their new wives.

Click here to go to BGRLearning.com and subscribe to listen to this podcast and hundreds of other podcasts on the topics of masculinity, femininity, marriage, sex and discipline from all from a Biblical perspective.

Masturbation Is NOT A Sin In The Bible

Nowhere in the Scriptures does the Bible condemn masturbation either by specific command or by a general principle. Yet, since the days of the early post apostolic church, Christian theologians have waged a war on this aspect of masculine sexuality as well as masculine sexuality in general. And they continue to to so to this day.

An unfortunate truth of church history is that even while the Apostles were still alive asceticism (the belief that seeking anything that is physically pleasurable is sin) began to infest the church like a plague. The Apostle Paul tried to address the growing asceticism in Colossians 2:20-23 but his words fell on deaf ears.

The popularity of asceticism would lead early church fathers like Clement to declare that a husband’s sexual desire for his wife was a desire of the flesh(the sin nature). And Augustine would later declare a husband’s sexual desire for his wife to be a venial fault.

The modern church for all its faults (and they are many) has rightly recognized part of the errors of the early church in that they no longer believe the Bible condemns a husband’s sexual desire toward his wife (nor that of a wife toward her husband).

But the church still clings to view that masturbation is still a sin that men and women may only experience sexual pleasure together as husbands and wives and they are absolutely forbidden to experience any kind of sexual pleasure by themselves as individuals.

To be sure, church leaders have attempted to use some Scriptures to support their false position on masturbation. And in this podcast I address all the faulty uses of Scripture to attempt to condemn the practice of masturbation.

The sad reality is – this teaching has placed a burden of guilt and shame on men for nearly 2000 years. It is time for this shaming of the masculine nature as God designed it to end. As you listen to this podcast and the Scriptures I present, you will see that you can be free from this burden placed upon you as a man.

We are called as Christian men to wage a daily war against our sin nature – not our masculine nature as God designed it. This is the truth this video presents.

I also briefly speak to the secular “No Fap” movement occurring in the manosphere today.

Click here to listen to this podcast on rumble.

If this podcast was a blessing to you, go to BGRLearning.com to listen to hundreds of podcasts on the topics of gender roles, life planning, courtship, marriage, and sex all from a Biblical perspective.

Please setup a free rumble account and subscribe to my new channel there so you can comment and also receive notices of new podcasts I put on that rumble channel. Also subscribing will help my channel grow, so even if you are not usually the type to subscribe – please do. You can easily setup an anonymous email and account there and subscribe.

The Dark Side of Patriarchy

The Bible is clear that patriarchy is God’s design.  It is not meant as a punishment on women, but rather it is meant to be a beautiful picture of the relationship between God and his people. 

From Genesis 3:16 in the Old Testament where God declared that man would rule over woman to 1 Peter 3:6 in the New Testament where God commanded women to regard their husbands as their early lords, Patriarchy is firmly established in the Bible.

But those of us Christians who still hold to the truth of Biblical Patriarchy must also acknowledge another truth.  That some men sinfully use the power of patriarchy, they pervert it and use it to feed their sinful desires rather than using it as God intended it to be used for good.

And this is what I will be talking about in today’s podcast – the dark side of patriarchy.

Warning – I will be sharing some very disturbing stories in this podcast that I have heard from people who have written me over the years. But we as believers in Biblical Patriarchy need to recognize and know the reality of these perversions of patriarchy that are going on around us – even in Christian churches.

To listen to this podcast, as well as hundreds of other podcasts on subjects like courtship, marriage, sex and discipline from a Biblical perspective go to BGRLearning.com today and subscribe.

Why Gender Matters To God

In my first podcast made exclusively for my new rumble channel I tackle the issues of transgenderism and homosexuality which are a plague on modern America.

In this podcast I will answer the following questions:

Why does our gender matter so much to God and why does he have different rules for each gender?

Why should Christians care about homosexuality and transgenderism?

Why should it matter to us if a man dresses like a woman or a woman dresses like a man?

Why should it matter to us if a man gets surgery to look more like a woman or a woman gets surgery to look more like a man?

Why should it matter to us if two men marry or two women marry?

After answering those questions from the Bible, we will do a brief survey of English and American history which brought us to the total confusion which we face today regarding the topic of gender.

And if you enjoyed this podcast, please make sure you subscribe to my new channel on Rumble.com. It’s free to join and you can then subscribe and make comments.

Also, I have hundreds of other podcasts on my main podcast site – BGRLearning.com that are not available on Rumble. There is a small subscription fee there, but it will give access to hundreds of podcasts on gender roles, courtship, marriage and sex all from a Biblical perspective.

You can click on the image above to go to the video or click here to see the video on my new Rumble channel.

Listen to BGR on Rumble!

I have started a brand new channel over on Rumble.com. I will be moving over old content I had over on my YouTube channel to Rumble, as well as adding new original content on Rumble. I am also in the process of converting several of my older podcasts from my subscription podcast site, BGRLearning.com, to videos for my rumble channel.

Rumble.com is a new free speech version of YouTube and I am looking forward to being able to speak more freely there and not get my videos taken down like they have in the past on YouTube.

My plan in the coming months is to create some content that will be exclusively distributed on my new Rumble channel to get you folks over there. Creating a rumble account for just viewing is easy. Give it a try today. You can join rumble and subscribe to my channel for free! And the more subscribers I get to my channel – the more options will open for this ministry.

I greatly appreciate your support in this new extension of the ministry here at Biblicalgenderroles.com. And as always, please pray that God blesses and gets his truths about biblical gender roles out to a larger audience with rumble. He has really blessed my extension Instagram in the last couple of years and I hope he does the same with Rumble.

The War on Masculine Sexuality

The church’s war against masculine sexuality began around 50 A.D. when some post apostolic church fathers began to follow false doctrines of asceticism. Clement of Alexandria taught that sex was a desire of the flesh and that men should only have sex for “begetting children” and not because of “desire he feels for his wife”.  Later in 400 A.D., Augustine would call the sexual desire of a husband toward his wife a “venial fault”.

“Men should not sexually objectify women” , “Men are dogs”, “Men should only be sexually attracted to one woman and that is their wife”. It is these narratives and others that men are bombarded with every day of their lives. And make no mistake, these narratives represent a visceral hatred for male sexuality as God designed it. And at the same time that the church and feminists denigrate the visual and physical aspects of male sexuality – they exalt the feminine relational and emotional sexual nature as the ideal that men should strive for.

In my new article on BiblicalSexology.com I address this war on masculine sexuality and prove from the Scriptures why this war on male sexuality that began 2000 years ago was wrong from its very inception. Click here to go directly this article.

To listen to hundreds of podcasts on Biblical masculinity, marriage and sex click on the link below and subscribe to my podcast site.

Why Christian Women Should Wear Head Coverings – A Three Part Podcast

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 11:5 “But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.”

For 2000 years of church history women covered their heads when they came to worship in the assembled church in obedience to this command from God’s Word. And then in the 20th century, the church bowed to the demands of feminism and allowed women to stop obeying this ordinance.

In this Three-Part series, I examine 1 Corinthians 11:1-16 and show why Christian women should wear head coverings, what the head covering is, and when they should wear head coverings.
This is part one of this series on head coverings. The next two parts deal with what the head covering is and when it is to be worn as well. I also address what the Bible is referring to when it speaks to women prophesying in the last part of this series.

I originally release this series, based on my article of the same name, back in 2019. I have just done a completely new recording of the final part of this series with added discussion on this topic.

Also I have just started adding some of my content to Rumble.com and I will be adding more in the future. You can listen to the first part of this series free over on my new Rumble.com account here.

To listen to the last two parts of the series (including the brand new version of part 3) you can go to BGRLearning.com and subscribe. There in addition to this series, you will find hundreds of podcasts on the topics of gender roles, courtship, marriage and sex from a Biblical perspective.

Katie – 24 year old non-denominational Christian woman from Oregon seeks patriarchal husband

What follows is Katie from Oregon talking about herself and the kind of husband she is looking for:

“I’m a 24-year-old non-denominational Christian woman from Oregon. I could not move too far from Oregon.

I’m a virgin and intend to stay that way until marriage. I have no debt, no tattoos and no piercings. I’m about 5″4 and slender, with long brown hair.

I believe my role as a wife is to be a helpmeet to my husband, and mother to our children and a keeper at home.  And I believe this includes being under my husband’s authority.

I believe in courting. My excellent Dad passed away two years ago, but I’m sure my older brother would be happy to oversee.

 I was brought up in a home with my father as provider and head and my mother as a stay-at-home wife and mother. I have six siblings and we were all homeschooled.

I am working on gaining domestic skills such as sewing. I can cook but I can still improve quite a bit.

As far as what kind of man I’m looking for, I would say a non-denominational Christian man who believes in a patriarchal relationship, someone who is able to support a wife either now or within a year.

I’m open to courting someone up to 35 years old.

I’m hoping for a man with an earnest desire to lead. A man who reads The Word and forms his opinion on what Scripture says and not necessarily always with what his preacher says. Someone who wants to lead his wife and who looks to God for his own guidance.

Finally, I am looking for a Christian man who holds to my same beliefs regarding not celebrating holidays.”

If you are a Christian man living in or around Oregon and you believe you match what Katie is looking for in a potential husband please email me at biblicalgenderroles@gmail.com and be sure to include the subject line “Regarding Katie from Oregon”.

Also gentlemen – don’t just tell me you are interested and ask for her contact info. You need to go through me first. That means telling me about yourself. Important things to include are your Christian faith and beliefs, your age, your occupation and where you live. And include anything else that you believe would interest Katie about you.

Then I will share your information with Katie and discuss with her whether or not she is interested in speaking further with you. And if she is interested, I will give her your email for her to get in touch with you.

It Is a Sin for Wives to Be Jealous of Their Husbands


Many women today believe it is absolutely righteous for them to be jealous of their husbands.  And they are even backed in their jealousy toward their husbands by many modern Christian preachers, teachers and counselors.

But such a teaching, that it is right for women to be jealous over their husbands, is found nowhere in the Scriptures.  In fact, the Scriptures show the very opposite. 

A woman entertaining and acting upon jealous feelings toward her husband is a sin because her jealousy is a complete rejection of God’s design of the masculine sexual nature and God’s allowance for polygamy.

A Husband’s Jealousy Over His Wife Is Righteous

In Ezekiel 16:38 (KJV) we read “And I will judge thee, as women that break wedlock and shed blood are judged; and I will give thee blood in fury and jealousy”.  A husband’s possessive jealousy over his wife images God’s jealousy over his wife Israel and it is a righteous and holy type of jealousy. 

The Husband Exclusively Owns His Wife, the Wife Does Not Own Her Husband

The Bible says the following in Deuteronomy 22:22 (KJV):

“If a man be found lying with a woman married [Hebrew: “baal” as pronoun – “owned”] to an husband [Hebrew: “baal” as noun “Master/Owner”], then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.”

This principle of the husband’s mastery over his wife is reinforced in the New Testament as well in 1 Peter 3:5-6 (KJV):

“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord [Greek “kurios” Master/Owner]: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

In the Scriptures, for a woman to be married means for her to owned by a husband.  He owns her, she does not own him.
This is why the Bible allows husbands to have more than one wife (Polygyny),but forbids wives to have more than one husband (Polyandry).  Regarding men taking second wives the Scriptures state the following:

“If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish”

Exodus 21:10 (KJV)

The Bible uses two different words for ownership.  The Greek Word “heautou” always means exclusive ownership while the Greek word “idios” can mean someone being owned by another or someone having shared access to someone or something. Consider these uses of “idios”:

“For Jesus himself testified, that a prophet hath no honour in his own [idios] country.” 

John 4:44 (KJV)

“Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own [idios] master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.” 

Romans 14:4 (KJV)

Now let’s consider the following New Testament passage which so many Pastors today wrongly teach as husbands and wives mutually owning one another:

“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own [heautou] wife, and let every woman have her own [idios] husband.” 

1 Corinthians 7:2 (KJV)

When we consider the fact that the husband is the master and owner of his wife and the fact that God uses the word for exclusive ownership – “heautou” – when it comes to a man’s ownership over his wife – yet he uses the word idios which when used with masters means the very opposite – “owned” we see a very different picture than what is told to us in many pulpits today. 

But while the husband is his wife’s master, she is not his slave.  She is his wife.  Exodus 21:10 as well as 1 Corinthians7:3-5 show us that a wife is to have shared access to her husband’s provision, protection and his body in the bed. 

Many Christian women today comfort themselves in their possessive jealousy over their husbands by saying “God only made one wife for the first man”.  Yet they ignore the fact that God made the second man marry his sister. 

The fact is in order to understand God’s full design for marriage we must look at the complete revelation of God from Genesis to Revelation.  Only when we do this will we will then understand that a man having one wife as well as a man marrying his sister were temporary. That later in the law of Moses God would take away his temporary allowance for sibling marriage while at the same time expanding on his allowance for polygamy.  And God never removed his allowance for polygamy in the New Testament no matter how much many Christians would like to believe he did.

The evidence is all over the Bible – women do NOT have a right to be possessively jealous over their husbands but husbands absolutely have a right to be possessively jealous over their wives. 

A wife’s jealousy over her husband’s thoughts or glancing at other women or liking certain actresses in movies or TV can cause a lot of problems in marriage.  It is only when a wife’s sinful jealousy is confronted by both herself and her husband that men can be free to exercise their full masculine nature.


And what does a husband fully exercising his masculine polygynous nature look like? Does it mean he runs out and gets another wife? In most cases the answer is no – he is not going to do that.  In 21st century America, it is rare for husbands to act on their right to take additional wives.  It is a difficult life not only for financial reasons but also because of our societal condemnation of polygamy. 

But here is what a man being free to fully exercise his God give masculine polygynous sexual nature will most likely look like.  He won’t go out and get another wife – but he may ask his wife to engage in sexual role play acting like she is another woman.  He might feel free to watch movies and TV shows with actresses he likes where before he would worry about incurring the jealous rage of his wife.  He won’t have to look at the ground when he goes to the mall or especially the beach because he is afraid his wife might see him enjoying the beauty of other women around him.

 
Possessive Jealousy Verses Envious Jealousy

As I have shown throughout this article, possessive jealousy by a woman toward her husband is always wrong because this kind of jealousy reflects a rejection of God’s design of masculinity and marriage.
But there is another type of jealousy, envious jealousy, which God was attempting to provoke in his wife Israel.  In the context of speaking about his first wife Israel (whom he divorced for adultery) God said this about his new bride the Church:

“I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.”
Romans 11:11 (KJV)

God in taking the church (a new spiritual body made up of believing Jews and Gentiles) was seeking to provoke his old wife (ethnic Jews – Israel) to envious jealousy.  His goal is for the Jews who rejected him to see how well he treats the church so that Israel (ethnic Jews collectively) will one day want him back as her husband. And this is a way that wives can totally transform their possessive jealousy into an envious jealousy that drives them to be better wives to their husbands. 

But to explain how women can do this I need to first give a brief review of love in marriage.

A husband’s love for his wife in the form of his leadership, provision, and protection towards her is unconditional.  She does not have to earn that – he committed these things to her on the day he took her as his wife. 

But most women confuse Agape love (committed love) with Phileo love (feelings love) and Eros love (sexual love).   A woman does not have earn her husband’s committed love, but she very much has to earn his Phileo and Eros love by what she does toward him. 

This is why the Bible commands that husbands are to be ravished (sexually intoxicated) by their wives in Proverbs 5:19. And this command requires the participation of both the husband and the wife.  A husband cannot be ravished by a prudish wife and a wife cannot ravish a husband who ignores her attempts to ravish him.

So here is how women can transform their possessive jealousy into an envious jealously which fuels positive change in their marriage.   Instead of being mad at him for checking out that woman in the mall – the ravishing wife takes what she saw and offers to role play being that woman in bed with her husband at home.  Or maybe she sees some sexual acts in a movie her and her husband are watching and sees that he likes it – maybe later than evening or another night she seeks to recreate what they saw that he likes.

My point is that a woman’s jealousy can be used for good or for evil.  And women should redirect and harness their jealousy for the good of their husbands and their marriages.

Why keep speaking on Polygamy?

A lot of my traditional Christian followers write me wishing I would stop talking about Biblical polygamy. It makes them uncomfortable.  

I consider myself a traditional Christian.  But unlike many traditional Christians today, my traditional beliefs are not based in 1950s American values.

My beliefs are based upon traditional values which started with the teachings and law God gave to Moses more than 3500 years ago.

And I fully recognize the progressive revelation of God and the fact that in the New Testament the Civil and Ceremonial laws of Israel are replaced with the new law of Christ.  But the moral law of the Old Testament remains and acceptance of it is crucial for us to understand God’s view of marriage and sexuality.

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