How Should Fatherless Women Approach Choosing a Husband?

Women, not just wives, but women in general are made by God with a need for male headship. 

In 1 Corinthians 11:3 the Bible says “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” And this is why we are told in 1 Corinthians 11:5-6 & 10 that all women (without any qualification of whether they are married or single) are to wear a head covering when they come to church to worship. This is an acknowledgement not only of man’s higher rank, but of woman’s need for man’s leadership. For a much more detailed discussion on this subject of women wearing head coverings see my article “Why Christian Women Should Wear Head Coverings” which also includes a link to my three part podcast series on this same subject.

The Apostle Paul even speaks of younger widows getting into trouble without male headship in their lives. Before a woman got married, she was under her father’s headship. Her father could refuse to give her to a man in marriage or grant her hand in marriage (Exodus 22:17, Jeremiah 29:6). And her father could cancel any of her decisions or commitments (Numbers 30:5). And when a young woman became a widow – this left her without male headship – a precarious position for any woman, especially younger women. The Apostle Paul encouraged younger women to marry and be under the headship of their husbands in 1 Timothy 5:13-14:

“And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

The Scriptures are very clear on this point – young women should not be making major life decisions without male headship to guide them.

When a woman has no father or even if she has a father but he is unwillingly or unable to provide spiritual headship in her life, she must seek out a spiritual surrogate for her father, a spiritual man who can guide her.

Where should a woman look for a spiritual surrogate in place of her father? The first place to look is among her own male kin. Does she have a godly grand father or uncle she could go to? Some might ask “What about her brother?” If her brother is significantly older and experienced in life as well as being a spiritual man, he may be able to offer her this spiritual male headship.  If he is immature or unspiritual, he won’t be able to help her. 

What if a woman has no male relatives that she can look to for spiritual male headship? The next choice would be to seek out an elder man in her church, one who is trusted and respected like a deacon or the pastor.

Still there are some women who will say “My church does not believe in or teach Biblical patriarchy nor do they believe women need male spiritual headship to make these kinds of life decisions.  What do I do now?”

If a woman has no male relatives to provide her with spiritual male headship and the churches in her area deny the doctrines of biblical patriarchy in the Bible the only choice she is left with is to seek spiritual male headship remotely.

While seeking a godly man for male headship remotely, a woman should be careful to choose a true Biblical Patriarchist as many men who claim to be Biblical Patriarchists are actually Chivalrous Patriarchists or Complementarians. Ask a man if he believes the husband is the earthly lord of his wife (1 Pet 3:5-6) and if he believes husbands should discipline their wives (Rev 3:19).  If he answers no to either of those questions, he is not a true Biblical Patriarchist.

For more detailed guide for women in how to seeking a godly husband see my article “A Christian Young Woman’s Guide to Life and Finding A Husband in a Post-Feminist World” which also has a link to my podcast below:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.