“I really enjoyed your post “A Christian Young Man’s Guide to Life and Finding A Wife in a Post-Feminist World” and I was wondering if you could write up something similar for me as a 16 year old Christian woman. – Emily”
Well Emily I am happy to help. And like the first guide I did for the young men, I kept this under 1000 words.
Step 1 – Know Your Purpose in Life
The first and most important realization you must come to as a young Christian woman is that you were created for man, or in other words, your future husband. In 1 Corinthians 11:9 the Bible says “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man“. The Bible gives young women their prime directive in life in 1 Timothy 5:14 where it states “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house…”.
Companionship, sex and having children are all benefits of marriage and commanded by God in marriage but they are not the reason for marriage.
God created you as a woman to paint the picture of the church’s love, submission and service to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24) when you do these same things toward your future husband.
Step 2 – Learn The Bible From Christian Men In Your Life
Women are to seek the spiritual guidance and teaching of the men. Before marriage this would be your father if he is a Christian. But if you don’t have a Christian father it might be your grandfather or an uncle or perhaps the Pastor at your church. After marriage you are to be a student of your husband’s Biblical teachings. (Ephesians 6:4,1 Corinthians 14:35)
Step 3 – Keep Sexual Relations for Marriage
The only sexual relations that God calls “honorable” (Hebrews 13:4) is that which occurs within marriage between a man and woman. When you have sex with a man before entering into a covenant of marriage with him you pervert God’s design for man, woman, marriage and sex.
Step 4 – Prepare for Your Future Life as a Homemaker
The greatest lie that Feminism teaches young women is “You can have it all”. In Matthew 6:24 the Bible tells us “No man can serve two masters…”. This truth directly applies to the fact that you as a woman cannot serve in a career outside your home and be the keeper at home that God calls women to be in Titus 2:3-5.
In Proverbs 31:27 we read “She looketh well to the ways of her household…”. You cannot look well to the ways of your future household without preparing for this years in advance as a young woman. Look to aged and godly women in your life whether it be your mother, grandmother or others who can help you.
Step 5 – Look for A Man Who Knows His Purpose
Just as you must know your purpose in God’s creation as a woman, so too you should seek out a man who fully embraces his purpose in God’s creation as well. Find a man who believes he was not created for you, but that you were created for him and that he was created for God. Look for a man who believes the purpose of marriage is to model the relationship of Christ to his Church. And find a man who has wants to correct and teach you. (1 Corinthians 11:7-9, 1 Corinthians 14:35, Ephesians 5:22-33, Revelation 3:19).
Step 6 – Avoid Sexual Temptation While Waiting on Marriage
It is completely normal for you as a young woman to desire sex and think about sex.
But how does God want you to handle your unmet, yet God given sexual desires during this waiting phase of your life? The answer is one word and it is an uncomfortable word for some while others have been taught it is a sin. And that word is masturbation.
The scriptures condemn lust, not masturbation. And then we must understand how the Bible defines lust verses how we define it today. Romans 7:7 teaches us that lust is not mere sexual arousal or sexual fantasy, but it is in fact covetousness as defined in the 10th commandment. It is not a sin for you as a young woman to be sexually aroused by or even have sexual fantasies about men. It is not even a sin for you to masturbate to such thoughts or images.
Lust, in the Biblical sense, is when you think about or desire to entice a man into having sex with you outside of marriage. So, you don’t have to suppress your sexual nature until you are married, but rather you must exercise it within the bounds of God’s law. And a big part of avoiding sexual temptation before marriage is to set a boundary for yourself that you will never be alone with a man that is not your husband or your blood relative.
Step 7 – Seek a Husband Under The Guidance of Male Headship
The Scriptures tell us in Exodus 22:17 that fathers have the right of refusal when it comes to their daughter’s marrying a man. This follows the general principle of creation found in 1 Corinthians 11:3 that “the head of the woman is the man“. If a Christian woman does not have a Christian father to guide her, then she should look toward a Christian grandfather or Christian uncle or her pastor.
Work with your male spiritual head to help you setup profiles on Christian dating sites and also help you with the vetting process when men contact you. 40 percent of couples who married in 2017 met online so make sure you make the most of online resources for meeting potential husbands.
Below is a list of the most popular dating sites and I would highly recommend that you subscribe to each of them and setup a profile realizing there is a 40 percent chance you could meet your spouse on one of these sites.
Please do not make the mistake of just signing up for dating sites tailored more toward Christians like ChristianMingle, ChristianCupid and ChristianCafe. Those sites are more tailored, but they do not have the volume of members that sites like Eharmony and Match have. Sign up for ALL the sites above. Yes it cost money. But this is your future and it is worth it. Cast as wide a net as you can.
Also make sure that you participate in church activities not just in your church, but other churches in your area as well under the guidance of your male spiritual head. Find ways to serve in Christian ministries in your area as you never know where you may meet your future husband.
Step 8 – Do not Date but Instead Court
Dating leads to relationships based on emotion rather than compatibility. The Courtship process helps protect a couple from the temptation to have premarital sex while at the same time allowing parents the ability to offer an objective analysis of the compatibility of the couple.
You can find the companion podcast for this article here:
2 thoughts on “A Christian Young Woman’s Guide to Life and Finding A Husband in a Post-Feminist World”
Good instructions, except I’d be cautious about recommending internet dating, better to go with somebody where your family knows their past. I got burned pretty bad.
For a young woman it is critical to know the heart of the man she is considering. In a proper Christian marriage, he will be leading and setting the direction of the marriage. You don’t want to be in a boat going the wrong direction, so make sure he is going in a God honoring direction. Does he respect God? Does he follow God even when it is difficult? Know his heart. It is terrible for a Godly wife to be married to a man who isn’t seeking His direction.