How to Emotionally Connect with Women (Part 1)

I respectfully disagree with the main idea of this post that men stick to talking about actions and concrete ideas without verbalizing their feelings because of lack effective roles models.

Men do these things because they are men, it is how we as men are designed.
The reality is that most men (not all) simply do not feel the need to attach feelings to most things in life. Men are objective by nature, and women are relational by nature. It is how God designed us.

Objectivity is what makes men better leaders and problem solvers than women often times because most men (not all) are able to separate their emotions from the task at hand which must be done.

I reject the modern concept that men need to change themselves to be more like women and women need to change themselves to more like men where in the end we have this new great unisex being.

God created us distinctively different and instead of fighting the sex differences and trying to change them we should respect and embrace these differences.

Does that mean a man should never listen to his wife’s feelings? Of course not. But does that mean a man needs to try and modify his thought processes to be more like a woman, where they attach relational aspects to each and every event? No.

Do husbands and wives need to communicate? Absolutely. Every successful relationship depends upon good communication, whether it is between a husband and wife, a child and parent, or with coworkers at work.

But good communication does not require a man to be more like a woman, and woman to be more like a man.

For instance anyone who has been in any long term relationship or married for any length of time knows that women sometimes just need to talk out their feelings. They don’t need the “problem” fixed or analyzed, they just want to talk about it. So we as men are told not to try and solve the problem but just to listen.

I believe that advice is good to a certain extent. However, sometimes a problem needs a resolution and it needs to be addressed right away, there is not time to sit around and explore “how we feel”. In this case a man needs to use his objectivity and analytical abilities to cut through the emotional fog and fix the issue.

Other times when an issue is not as urgent or it does not require “fixing” then I agree men just need to listen.

But women need to realize that when we are listening to them vent, and just supporting their venting process this can sometimes (not always) be a painful event for us as men. Our analytical brains have solved your issue 12 times over, and we feel like you may have repeated the same information 40 times. We may not have much emotionally to say except, “I am sorry they did that to you” or “I am sorry that is making you feel so bad”. Women need to accept that may be the best we can give as men.

In the same way that men can’t expect their wives to get into all their hobbies the same as their guy friends do.

With men and women there are varying degrees of emotional openness. I have shed tears in my life much more than I saw my father shed them. But it has to do with my personality. Some men are naturally more emotionally vulnerable than others. In the same way some women are more emotional than others.

I am not saying I don’t believe in personal growth either. As a Christian I believe I am called to grow each and every day. But personal growth does not mean a complete change of personality, or that I can or should make myself more like a woman, any more than a woman should be expected to be more like a man.

I am not saying it is not valuable to read books or blog articles to find out how the opposite sex thinks, and how they process the world around them. I highly encourage that. Men should read about and learn about how a woman’s thought processes work and women should about men as well. But that is not the same as modifying one gender, to be more like the other gender in their actual world outlook and brain processing.

thelovemanifesto

men oneMany of the stereotypes surrounding the male gender do not apply to all men. Yet their widespread acceptance inhibits the way men communicate.  For example, not all men prefer to occupy their Sunday afternoons sitting on the couch, eating potato chips, yelling at the TV over a football game.

Traits such as having a sense of fashion, appreciating art, or knowing how to dance are often perceived as feminine and males who possess these qualities must be homosexual.  Questioning the sexuality of heterosexual men based on these traits is a mentality that much of our society shares.  Sexual preference is not determined by personal interest or personality.

Regardless of your sexual orientation, men tend to be confined by “social norms” or generalized based on gender (often against their will).  For many generations men have been crippled by the effects of these stereotypes.   For example, the belief that men have no…

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How God made man superior to woman

HowGodMadeManSupToWoman

We live in a world that is doing everything it can to deny the gifts that God has given to man. And I don’t mean mankind, but male human beings. Men are not superior to women, yet they have many superior abilities when compared to women. For several decades it was politically incorrect even to discuss these differences between men and women. But we do not need a scientific study to show what has always been right before our very eyes.

It is great though that with new MRI technology we can now verify differences in how men’s brains work from women’s. Not only can we see and observe the differences from the outside, but now we can see them on the inside as well in the most complex organ of the human body, the brain.

There are many non-Christian scientists and psychologists today that can no longer follow the politically correct agenda of feminists and egalitarians. More and more scientists and studies are verifying the vastly different physiological and psychological differences between the sexes.

Men are different from women. They are equal only in their common membership in the same species, humankind. To maintain that they are the same in aptitude, skill or behavior is to build a society based on a biological and scientific lie.

– Anne Moir and David Jessel (pg. 30 “Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women”)

As Christians we applaud and agree with the finding of these differences. Our only disagreements come when we talk about the source of these differences, evolution versus the intelligent design of our God and creator.

Superior, inferior or just different?

Before I go further into this I want to say a few more things about what has become a controversial topic – mainly the FACT that men have some superior abilities to women in many areas.

If you give this blog a fair reading, you will see I do not hate women. I do hate, and I believe God also hates, the ideology of feminism. It seems today like every time some study comes out that women are better at this or that than men – everybody is applauding it from the rooftops.

But in our society we are not allowed to say men are better than women at anything and anytime it is brought up excuses are made and it is simply a “cultural” thing, otherwise women will always be equal to or excel past men – or so we are told. On the rare occasion that women can’t deny a male advantage in something, then they just say “so what” and want you to shut up.

This site will make no apologies for giving glory to God’s marvelous design of man (and I mean males). There is a difference in saying “men are awesome, and women stink” and saying “men are superior to women in certain ways”. The fact is, in many ways women are inferior to men, but so too men are also inferior to women in some ways. To say so is not rude, or mean, it is simply a Biblical fact that is backed up by science.

There are some things about men and women that aren’t an issue of being superior or inferior to the other – they are just about differences. An example of this would be the different ways men and women approach sexuality. One is not superior to the other, but they are different, and complementary.

But I don’t think we are being fully truthful when we say that a man having 50% more strength than a woman is just a “difference”. No way! It’s a superior capability. When I talk about how woman is superior to man I will gladly acknowledge that women have superior hearing and color-perception to men; again, it is not a difference, it is a superiority!

With all that said as an introduction, I will begin our discussion of how God made man superior to woman with this verse:

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

– Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

 

Men are superior to women in strength, endurance and athletics

God made man taller and stronger than woman. In the United States men are typically 6 inches taller than women. Men on average have 40% more upper body strength and 33% more lower body strength than women. Men are much leaner than women with typically 50% less body fat than the average woman carries in her body. Of course there are exceptions where a man may have very little muscle mass and a woman has more muscle mass, but these are just that – exceptions. Both science and general observation show that men are typically larger and more muscular than women without working out or doing anything artificially to change their bodies.

There is a popular misconception that women have a higher tolerance to pain than men because of the horrendous pain they endure before, during and sometimes even after childbirth. But that is actually a myth.

“This study has serious implications about how we treat women after surgery as well as women who experience chronic pain…. Because women have more nerve receptors, they may experience pain more powerfully than men, requiring different surgical techniques, treatments or medicine dosages to help manage their pain and make them feel comfortable.”

– Dr. Bradon Wilhelmi, a member of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons

http://www.livescience.com/433-ouch-women-feel-pain.html

Not only do men have less nerve receptors in their skin (so they feel less pain), but their skin is also up to 25% thicker than women’s. Men not only have thicker skin, but they also have better clotting ability which makes their wounds heal faster. Men also have stronger bones, tendons and ligaments.

Men are more aggressive and competitive than women

A male’s major sex hormone, testosterone, impacts his behavior…testosterone is the hormone most associated with male aggressiveness, competitiveness, and assertiveness…. Furthermore competitiont raises testosterone levels and rivalry fuels aggression. For example, the testosterone levels among athletes are actually highest at the end of a competition rather than at the beginning…

Testosterone also helps a man focus on a project, competition, mission or venture…. Researchers at Georgia State University found that the “high performers” tested in each field (business leaders, politicians, sportsmen, and the like) had higher levels of testosterone.

– Dr. Walt Larimore, MD (pg. 42 “His Brain, Her Brain”)

http://www.amazon.com/His-Brain-Her-Differences-Strengthen/dp/031024028X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1396807524&sr=1-1&keywords=his+brain+her+brain

When we take into account that men have superior strength, stamina and sensory motor skills along with a built-in desire to compete and be aggressive, it is no surprise that the vast majority of the best athletes in the world are men.

Professional sports is an area in which we want to see nothing but the best. The WNBA gets a tiny fraction of the audience that the NBA does. And no, it’s not cultural! Common sense, and a general observation of the world around us tells us it’s more fun to watch men play sports than women, men are the best athletes – period.

Men’s aggressive and competitive natures, along with their tendency to take more risks makes men highly suited to starting up new businesses or managing businesses. Again, this is the primary reason why even today, generations after the rise of feminism, men still heavily dominate the entrepreneurial and management aspects of the business world.

The state of our military today is a sad story. We have allowed the politicians to force the military commanders to allow women in combat. I don’t care about what the liberal mouth-piece generals say when they put them on TV. A man’s body is vastly superior when it comes to combat. You put that woman on the front lines in battle and you are going to get a lot of men killed when they go out of their way to protect her, or she is just going to get killed. This is yet another common sense thing, which any person, educated or otherwise can see with their own eyes. It would be funny if it were not so sad and pathetic.

In summing up this section, we can see the fact that God has designed man larger, stronger and tougher than woman to naturally equip him for the protection and provision roles he has assigned to man. If only our world would regain some of the common sense it used to have and acknowledge what is right in front of their very eyes.

The denial of God’s unique design of man and woman is not just some disagreement. It is a fundamental doctrine taught all throughout the Scriptures, and it is wickedness and foolishness to deny the creator’s design and plan when he made man and woman.

18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them….

21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools…

– Romans 1:18-19 & 21b-22 (NIV)

 

MansBrainSupToWoman

Men are superior to women in STEM fields (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics)

Psychological tests also reveal patterns of sex difference. On average, males finish faster and score higher than females on a test that requires the taker to visualize an object’s appearance after it is rotated in three dimensions. The same is true for map-reading tests, and for embedded-figures tests, which ask subjects to find a component shape hidden within a larger design. Males are over-represented in the top percentiles on college-level math tests and tend to score higher on mechanics tests than females do.

…males on average have a stronger drive to systemize, and females to empathize. Systemizing involves identifying the laws that govern how a system works….

– Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen, Cambridge University

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/08/opinion/08baron-cohen.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

A man’s brain is made to systemize things, to analyze, construct and explore. When we accept that God gave men some superior abilities to women in these areas then it will come as no shock that 73% of computer scientists are men. We won’t cry “discrimination” when we hear that six out of seven engineers are men.

I have worked in software development for about 15 years. I would agree that probably 1 in 4 software developers are women. The honest truth is though, most of the female developers I have worked with (even with them representing about 1 in 4 developers) were not always as good at problem-solving as the men. That is not to say there are not some very sharp female developers. I have one in mind who I worked with several years ago who was a great problem-solver. And anyone in the hacker area knows there are some genius-level hackers that are female. So my point is not to say that no woman can compete with a man in the area of computer technology, or any other STEM field. The point is there are far, far fewer women that can compete with men in this area; it is not a matter of discrimination, it is just a matter of how God distributes his gifts.

I would bet though, that the women who are great at programming or other technology use different parts of their brain to do what they do than what men do. So I would still agree that a man’s brain is naturally wired for these STEM fields, and a woman’s brain if she is good at them will be sort of “hotwired”, uniquely wired differently than the average woman and it allows her to do these types of technical jobs.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/06/20/stem-fields-and-the-gender-gap-where-are-the-women/

A man’s drive to systemize will manifest itself in many different ways depending on the man. Some men have a need to systemize mechanical things and that’s why they love working on cars or fixing things around the house. Other men love to systemize things by exploring their world whether in traveling to exotic lands or mountain-climbing or other dangerous endeavors. Still other men utilize their systemizing abilities in a much less physical way, and a more cerebral one. Some men want to explore and systemize the world around them through religion, politics, philosophy, science, and technology. One cross-over area that men of many different backgrounds like is video games. Video games allow men to systemize, compete and conquer. It is no wonder that the vast majority of video gamers are men.

There are more highly intelligent men than highly intelligent women

While men and women have about the same average IQ (according to intelligence testing), men vary much more than women do. What that means is there are more men at each spectrum of intelligence than women (below average and above average). However, after crossing the average intelligence threshold the amount of men who have above average IQs begins to dominate the women, bringing us to the point where there are eight genius-level IQ men to every one woman genius.

When we accept the strengths that God has given man in his brain, then we are not shocked to discover that there are eight male geniuses to every one female genius. We don’t say “the survey must be wrong”, or “it’s just a cultural thing” – NO! We accept it is how God made man.

http://www.iqcomparisonsite.com/sexdifferences.aspx

Men are built for conquest and leadership

These biological differences are critical for women to understand because boys, and the men they grow up to be, have brains that are built to be more aggressive, more impulsive, and more assertive–their design is to earn their self-worth. They are compelled to discover their calling and meaning in life. They are made to conquer the world around them, and they begin their conquests at a surprisingly early age… By six months of age, boys are far less fearful than girls, and “fearlessness” is associated with levels of testosterone (the higher level of testosterone, the higher the level of “fearlessness”); by thirteen months, boys are demonstrably more aggressive and assertive than girls; and by thirty-six months, boys dominate mixed-gender groups of children.

– Dr. Walt Larimore, MD (pg. 116 “His Brain, Her Brain”)

The first question a man usually asks another man when they meet for the first time is, “What do you do?” …most men identify themselves by their work. God created men to “do” something in the field. Watch young boys as they pick up sticks and turn them into imaginary guns or tools. Recently a mother told us she had prevented her son from having any toy guns or using sticks as pretend rifles, but when he made his cheese sandwich into the form of a pistol and was shooting a friend, she cried out in exasperation, “I give up!”

Mothers should never give up because this is simply part of a boy’s nature. He is called to be a hunter, a worker, a doer. He wants to make his conquest in the field of life. The academic term for this is the “instrumentality of the male.” From childhood there is something in a male that makes him like adventure and conquest. He wants to go into the field to hunt or to work some way.

– Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (pg. 168 “Love and Respect”)

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Needs/dp/1591451876/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1396807479&sr=1-1&keywords=love+and+respect

Men are built to conquer the world around them. They are built to lead, and boys follow boys and stop following girls at a very young age. Men find their value in what they do, in what they accomplish. As we previously established, men are systemizers, and the best place for they to systemize is out in the world. I believe it is Biblical that a woman’s place is in the home: not saying she can never go out, but that caring for the needs of her husband, her children and her home should be the focus of her life.

However, it would be Biblically, and even biologically correct to say that a man is the polar opposite in this area. A man’s place is outside the home – hunting, working, achieving, exploring, building and yes, even fighting. Some men are built to be warriors, whether on the athletic field or on the battlefield.

Mothers need to respect and help channel their boys’ God-given need for conquest and not try to make their sons more like their daughters. Wives need to respect their husbands’ need for achievement, to work, and to make his mark on the world.

So mom, when you see your little boys playing cops and robbers – let them! When you see them wrestling, let them! When your boy wants a toy gun for his birthday, get it for him? When he wants a shooter video game, let him! With some of the violent shootings in the last decade parents have been paranoid about letting their little boys play with guns and shooter video games.

Let me help you with something – those people who did those shootings did not do what they did because of playing with toy guns or video games as a child. There is one of two reasons mass shootings occur. One is because of parental neglect, or verbal or physical abuse that warped the child’s mind. The other reason is one we don’t like to accept in this day and age. Some children are raised with two loving parents, and maybe even a mom who took care of them when they were little. They are simply born evil and sadistic and psychotic, plain and simple.

If men are wired for conquest and leadership, should men also be involved in the home and with their family? Absolutely! Are there times when a man is called to sacrifice his job because it is hurting his family? Yes. But while men need to be good husbands and fathers, they also have a drive and need to make their mark on the world, and the woman who ignores this, or tries to downplay this as selfishness, does so to her own peril.

Men have a deep need for respect

A man’s need for conquest, to work and to achieve is also directly related to his need for respect. I really appreciated when Dr. Emerson Eggerichs came out with his book “Love and Respect”. He may not have been the first author in recent decades to talk about a man’s need for respect, but the fact that he focused basically half a book to it was great.

Men and women both need love and respect, but God has wired man so that respect is his first need and the emotional side of love is secondary to that. If a man feels disrespected by his colleagues or especially his wife and children, this will cause him a great deal of pain and he will most likely react in very negative ways towards disrespect.

When a woman accepts and appreciates her husband’s need for respect, she will most likely see a transformation in her marriage. Women who take the attitude that “I will respect him when I think he has earned it” will never experience the full happiness in marriage that is possible if they would just show him the respect that he needs.

Men are wired to be the primary provider for the home

God has made man with a built-in desire to be the primary provider for his family. If his wife has a more successful career than him, in many marriages it eventually destroys the marriage. His self-respect, as well as his wife’s self-respect is tied to his ability to be the primary provider (the one who makes the most money). It is not uncommon for men who become disabled (and their wives are forced to support the family) to become very depressed; it violates the man’s nature down to his very core.

This is not some simple pride thing as some feminists have tried to say, but a built-in desire given by God in men. It would be the same as woman’s built-in desire to have children (often times called her “biological clock”).

Well into feminism’s second generation, there are finally a significant number of women reaching parity with the men in their fields–not to mention surpassing them–and winning the salary, bonuses, and perks that signify their arrival… Yet this proud professional achievement often seems to have unhappy consequences at home.

Neither the newly liberated alpha women nor their shell-shocked beta spouses seem comfortable with the role reversal.

According to psychologists (and divorce lawyers) who see couples struggling with such changes, many relationships follow the same patter. First, the wife starts to lose respect for her husband, then he begins to feel emasculated, and then sex dwindles to a full stop.

http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/features/n_9495/

Suppose that both men and women are happier – all else being equal – the more money their spouse makes. In such a world, couples wouldn’t care whether the man or woman earns more, so the population of couples would have what we call a “normal distribution,” and would be captured in a bell-shaped curve. But that’s not what we see in the real-world data.

Instead, there is a sharp drop in the number of male-female couples at exactly the point where the woman starts to earn more than half of household income.

This finding supports earlier research from speed-dating sessions, which found that while women prefer men to be intelligent and ambitious, men have these preferences for women only to the point where women threaten to earn more than they do.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/02/business/breadwinner-wives-and-nervous-husbands.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Aversion to wives earning more than husbands could be leading to fewer weddings and more divorces, according to a National Bureau of Economic Research working paper released this month by Marianne Bertrand and Emir Kamenica, University of Chicago Booth School of Business economists, and Jessica Pan at the National University of Singapore.

Compiling results from surveys taken by the U.S. Census Bureau and by the Labor Department, the reserachers came to several conclusions. One was that marriage rates decline as the probability that a woman earns more than a man increases.

http://go.bloomberg.com/political-capital/2013-05-15/higher-paid-women-less-married-more-divorced/

Even people that are in favor of feminist changes in our society see the problems. We just disagree about the causes and the solution. Both sides agree that men are generally not attracted to women who are smarter or make more money than them, and when they do get with a woman who becomes more successful it usually takes a terrible toll on the marriage.

Feminist advocates just argue it’s caused by a culture that says men need to be the primary breadwinner. In their view it is just about changing hearts and minds and then men and women will all live together in a wonderful utopia. Those of us who oppose these feminist changes will maintain that it is something that is wired biologically into men, and if it is biological, no amount of social brain-washing of men will change this.

Marriage rates are declining, while divorce rates stay close to 50 percent. Divorce rates have slightly declined from their high in the 1980s. But what is not mentioned is that one of the contributing factors to the divorce-rate decline is that people are just not marrying as much as they used to. Couples are just cohabitng much more. I would argue that if we could get good studies on the breakup rate of long-term cohabiting couples and then combine that with divorce rates, we would go well beyond the 50-percent divorce rate we had in the 1980s.

Either way you slice it, most relationships between men and women do not work well when the wife is more intelligent and makes more money than the husband. In the rare instances where it does work, I guarantee you will find a feminine man who is low on testosterone, or a man who had a domineering and aggressive mother who beat his father down. Even in relationships where a man is forced to stay home because he is disabled, if he is honest he will tell you it drives him nuts that his wife has to support the family. It does not just go against our cultural values, but it goes against male biology itself.

Men are built to compartmentalize

None of us will ever agree with everything in a marriage book. But the book “Men Are Like Waffles – Women Are Like Spaghetti” is still a great book and I highly recommend it. The very title of the book, as well as their other descriptions in the book, gives a great picture of the different ways a man’s brain works from a woman’s brain.

If you look down at a waffle, you see a collection of boxes separated by walls. The boxes are all separate from each other and make convenient holding places. That is typically how a man processes life. Our thinking is divided up into boxes that have room for one issue and one issue only…. The typical man lives in one box at a time and one box only. When a man is at work, he is at work. When he is in the garage tinkering around, he is in the garage tinkering. When he is watching TV, he is simply watching TV. That is why he looks as though he is in a trance and can ignore everything else going on around him. Social scientists call this “compartmentalizing”–that is, putting life and responsibilities into different compartments.

As a result, men are problem solvers by nature. They enter a box, size up the “problem,” and formulate a solution….

In contrast to men’s waffle-like approach, women process life more like a plate of pasta. If you look at a plate of spaghetti, you notice that there are lots of individual noodles that all touch one another. If you attempted to follow one noodle around the plate, you would intersect a lot of other noodles, and you might even switch to another noodle seamlessly. That is how women face life. Every thought and issue is connected to every other thought and issue in some way. Life is much more of a process for women than it is for men.

This is why women are typically better at multitasking than men. She can talk on the phone, prepare a meal, make a shopping list, work on the agenda for tomorrow’s business meeting, give instructions to her children as they are going out to play, and close the door with her foot without skipping a beat. Because all her thoughts, emotions, and convictions are connected, she is able to process more information and keep track of more activites.

– Bill & Pam Farrel (pg. 11, 13 “Men Are Like Waffles–Women Are Life Spaghetti”)

http://www.amazon.com/Men-Like-Waffles-Women-Spaghetti-Understanding/dp/0736919619

Bill and Pam Farrel did an amazing job with this illustration of how men and women process life differently. Are there exceptions where some men may be great at multitasking? Of course there are. But the vast majority (I would safely say 90%) of men are exactly as Bill and Pam describe. We will cover God’s design for women in a separate paper, but their description of how women process the world is spot on as well.

Conclusion and Application

Whether you are a Christian reading this, or a non-Christian I invite you to examine the evidence both from biology as well as your own general observations of human behavior. Will there be exceptions? Yes. There are some men who have behaviors and abilities that more mimic the typical woman, and there are some women who have behaviors and abilities that more mirror the typical man. But these are rare.

As believers we have a source of truth that not only confirms the differences we see in biology and typical gender behaviors, but it also gives a reason for the differences. It gives us a purpose, if we will only believe and accept it.

To the men I say, will you accept how God has made you? Will you accept the purpose for your differences and use them in accordance with his plan? Will you lead your families, protect your families and provide for your families even if your abilities are not as strong as other men in various areas? Will you pray to God to strengthen your weaknesses?

To the women I say, will you accept how God has made men?

Moms – will you accept that it is ok that your boys are more aggressive than your girls? Will you accept your little boy’s need to compete, his need to conquer the world around him? Will you resist the ungodly world’s call to feminize him, to soften him or to emasculate him?

Wives – will you accept your husband’s God-given need to lead you, protect you and provide for you? Will you stop trying to compete with him, and just complete him with the unique gifts God has given you as a woman?

We must all accept that God has built man to systemize, to compartmentalize, to conquer and to compete. Accept that a man needs to be respected, even before his need for love. Accept the differences God has made, and do not try to minimize them or ignore them. Our world is doing that now, to our own destruction.

You may have noticed I left out a huge area of God’s design of man, and that is his sexuality. I have opted to cover that in a completely separate paper because I really don’t believe I can do it justice in just a few paragraphs. Look for a separate post on human sexuality coming soon.

Other sources:

http://www.dermalogica.com/is-a-man%27s-skin-really-different-from-a-woman%27s%3F/ys_shave_4,default,pg.html

http://drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=ff773023-2693-410d-b9e1-662f6985be4e

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201207/the-battle-the-sexes

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/08/opinion/08baron-cohen.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

How God made woman superior to man

Man and Woman with Working Brain in blackboard Style

To deny that God made woman uniquely different from man is like denying the Sun is different from the Moon. Denying the special gifts that God gave only to woman is to rob her and the rest of humanity of the true joy that God intended for his creation. In this post, we will explore how God made woman in all her wondrous ways, and how her physical and psychological attributes perfectly equip her for the role for which God created her.

The Bible says:

9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

– I Corinthians 11:9 (KJV)

When we look at man, we can see how a woman in almost every way is man’s opposite. Men are tough, women are soft. Men are project-oriented, women are people-oriented. Men love to compete, women are more cooperative. As I have previously discussed, man and woman were both made for the glory of God. However, how God accomplishes his glory is different in man from how it is in woman.

God made man to have a creature who would come closest to his nature. Man represents God’s love exemplified through his leadership, provision and protection. Man, also, is able to symbolize God’s wrath and judgment through his aggression.

God made woman to be a help meet for man. Woman brings glory to God by modeling God the Son’s submission to God the Father by submitting to her husband and helping him in every way she can.

3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

– I Corinthians 11:3 (KJV)

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

– Ephesians 5:23-24 (KJV)

Literally the phrase “help meet” is a helper that is suitable for man. God knew that he wanted man and woman to reproduce and have children. He gave women the responsibility, as well as the capability, of bearing the sons and daughters of men. Women were not only designed to bear children, but they were also designed to raise children. However, a woman’s body was not only designed for reproduction, but it was also designed to give pleasure and comfort to men.

Whenever we have a discussion of differences in gender, people run from the words like “superior” or “better” and we are only allowed to use the word “different”. Some things between men and women are not really a matter of being better or superior, but they truly are just differences.

But when one gender simply excels at something over the other gender’s ability, I don’t think it is wrong to use the words “better” or “superior”. I believe we should honor God’s creation and the beautiful differences, as well as superiorities between genders.

With all that said as an introduction, I will begin our discussion of how God made woman superior to man with this verse:

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

– Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

Women are superior to men in language and facial recognition abilities

…researchers found that areas of the brain involved in language and fine motor skills (such as handwriting) mature about six years earlier in girls than in boys.

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-male-female-brains-differ

A new brain connectivity study from Penn Medicine published today in the Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences found striking differences in the neural wiring of men and women that’s lending credence to some commonly-held beliefs about their behavior.

…in females, the wiring goes between the left and right hemispheres, suggesting that they facilitate communication between the analytical and intuition.

…Females outperformed males on attention, word and face memory, and social cognition tests.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/12/131202161935.htm

There are few men that have been married for any length of time that would argue that their wife is not better at reading people and their emotions than they are. Most men would also agree that their wife often times has a better memory than they do, especially when it comes to relational facts and things that are going on in various family members’ lives.

news-eyes-have-it-blue-eye_58914_990x742

Women can see more colors than men

Men trail women in discerning shades of blue, yellow, and green, a new study says.

Females are better at discriminating among colors, researchers say, while males excel at tracking fast-moving objects and discerning detail from a distance–evolutionary adaptations possibly linked to our hunter-gatherer past.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2012/09/120907-men-women-see-differently-science-health-vision-sex/

So ladies, when you are showing your husband those 4 shades of green for the bedroom, he really probably only sees one color. Even if he can distinguish, the colors just don’t pop out to him the way they do to you.

Maybe the next time you see your hubby putting on the wrong color shirt with his pants, you will just laugh and chuckle instead of wondering how he could do that. I have always considered my wife to be my fashion advisor. I am more colorblind than most men; I just can’t tell what goes with what.

Women can hear more than men

At one week of age, girls can distinguish their mother’s voice from sounds made by another baby. Boys can’t. Scientists who do this work have found that young girls can hear much softer sounds than those audible to young boys. Girls have a sense of hearing that is two to four times better than boys.

– Dr. Walt Larimore, MD (pg. 52 “His Brain, Her Brain”)

http://www.amazon.com/His-Brain-Her-Differences-Strengthen/dp/031024028X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1396807524&sr=1-1&keywords=his+brain+her+brain

Women have a better sense of smell

…women have more taste buds and are significantly superior in tasting bitter and complex flavors.

– Dr. Walt Larimore, MD (pg. 54 “His Brain, Her Brain”)

http://www.amazon.com/His-Brain-Her-Differences-Strengthen/dp/031024028X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1396807524&sr=1-1&keywords=his+brain+her+brain

So, when a mom goes in her teenage boy’s room and can smell the dirty clothes in his room, she needs to understand he probably does not smell a thing. It is her super-smelling ability that allows her to smell all these wonderful things!

Women are better at multi-tasking

…women have superior memory and social cognition skills, making them more equipped for multitasking and creating solutions that work for a group.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/12/131202161935.htm

Because women have almost 10 times more white matter (processing matter) than men as well as more connections between the right and left hemispheres of the brain, they are better equipped to multi-task than a man. Feminists hate it when people bring up that women are better multi-taskers because this multi-tasking ability is automatically associated with women being better able to manage children than men.

Even non-Christian scientists acknowledge that women evolved this multi-tasking ability to help them care for children. Believers who accept God’s Biblical design for women don’t believe they evolved their multi-tasking ability, but that God purposefully made it as part of a woman’s design from day one to help women in their mothering duties.

A woman’s multi-tasking abilities not only help her in her mothering and home-care duties, but they also assist her in certain occupations outside the home.

According to an article from CNN Money, these were the most common jobs for women in the 1950s as well as today:

130129111152-women-workforce-chart-monster

About 4 million workers in the United States fell under the category of “secretaries and administrative assistants” between 2006 and 2010, and 96% of them were women, according to the U.S. Census.

– Annalyn Kurtz (CNN Money)

“The good news is over the past 40 years, there are very few jobs in which women have not broken through,” Cameron said. “The glass ceiling is cracking in all different directions, but the bad news is, there is still a sticky floor. Most women still work in traditionally female jobs, like administrative support.”

– Cindia Cameron (9to5, National Association of Working Women)

http://money.cnn.com/2013/01/31/news/economy/secretary-women-jobs/index.html

Both of the female contributors to the article above lament that while some women have broken into more traditionally male-dominated fields, the vast majority of women have not. This is a great mystery to them and something that needs to be overcome.

But if we understand and accept how God has created and designed women, the fact that the majority of women who work outside the home work in these fields makes perfect sense.

All of these fields require abilities that women typically surpass men in. Secretaries, cashiers and clerical workers are all fields that require excellent multi-tasking abilities. Elementary school teachers require multi-tasking ability to manage a classroom full of young children.

Nurses and nursing aides require multi-tasking as well.

To deny that women excel in multi-tasking would be the same as denying that tigers are faster than elephants. While it is true that the fastest running elephants run at around 30 mph and the slowest running tigers may run around 25 to 30 mph, we never take the exceptions to negate the norm.

So yes, there may be some men that are better than some women at multi-tasking, but these are exceptions, and not the norm.

This brings us to perhaps the greatest gift God has given women.

Mother with newborn sun

Women are empathizers

The sex differences in nurturing appear…well before girls and boys are capable of reliably discriminating between the genders or knowing which behaviors are more characteristic of one than the other. Even among children ages twelve months to twenty months, exposure to the distress of other people causes girls to respond with more empathy and less indifference than boys…. Multiple studies have concluded that women are “more empathetic, tender-minded and nurturing than men.”

– Dr. Walt Larimore, MD (pg. 120 “His Brain, Her Brain”)

http://www.amazon.com/His-Brain-Her-Differences-Strengthen/dp/031024028X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1396807524&sr=1-1&keywords=his+brain+her+brain

A woman’s greatest gift is her ability to feel the emotions of others. She truly feels them, in a way most men never can. A woman’s gentleness, her sensitiveness and her empathy are the defining characteristics of the psyche for the vast majority of women. In fact, in most cultures around the world a woman who is not gentle, sensitive and empathetic is not only considered to be strange, but un-feminine.

I am not saying that there are not women who struggle with these qualities, but God has called women to cultivate these attributes in themselves even if they do not come as naturally to some women as to others.

It then comes as no surprise that we find the vast majority of nurses as well as daycare workers to be women. Women are well-gifted at anticipating the needs of others, both emotional and physical. This makes women well-suited to the most important task requiring their empathy – the nurturing and caring of their children.

One of the greatest joys of a woman’s life is the carrying of a child in her womb, and then one day the holding of that child in her arms. Most women can tell you every detail of their pregnancies, births and the weaning of their children.

In the Bible, bareness was considered a curse, because a woman knew this was one of the main purposes for which her mind and body were designed. I am not saying women who have not been able to bear children are under a curse, because sometimes God simply does not allow it. My second wife (after divorcing my first wife), was not able to bear children. But she has had the joy and privilege of being a great step-mother to my children from my first marriage. She still grieves at times when her friends or relatives get pregnant, and it is very difficult for her. This is the natural reaction of a woman when she cannot have children of her own.

A woman’s body compliments the nature of her mind

Just as a woman’s mind is soft and gentle, so too her body is soft and gentle. A man’s body is not designed for beauty or appearance, but for work and combat. A woman’s body is the opposite: her body is designed to be beautiful. A woman is God’s most beautiful creation. A woman’s body is designed to serve the needs of men and their children. I realize this statement will be highly offensive to the modern feminist woman, but sometimes the truth is offensive.

This does not mean that men have a right to mistreat women as some have from the beginning of creation. A woman is to be treated as a precious and delicate treasure, not as someone to be beaten or physically or emotionally abused.

In fact, God warns men that if they mistreat their wives, God will not hear their prayers.

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

– I Peter 3:7 (KJV)

So, the fact that a woman’s body was created to serve the needs of men and their children in no way diminishes her importance and does not give anyone the right to treat her with disrespect. Men who do dishonor and mistreat their wives do so to their own peril.

With that being said let us explore God’s wonderful work of art – a woman’s body.

 

HowGodMadeWoman

A woman’s breasts are a visible symbol to the world of her womanhood

Breasts are considered to be the defining physical symbol of womanhood.

8 We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for?

– Song of Solomon 8:8 (KJV)

While a woman may start her menstrual cycles long before she has breasts, her breasts are an unmistakable symbol to the world that she is transitioning from being a girl to being a woman. This is one of the reasons that most insurance companies cover artificial breast replacements for women who lose their breasts due to cancer. It is because a woman’s breasts are key to her feeling like a woman.

A woman’s breasts are the perfect feeding instruments for infants

A woman’s breasts serve the needs of her children by feeding them the perfect nutrients as they grow and develop. Science today has proven that no formula can perfectly match the health benefits of a mother’s breast milk. Her breast milk changes to match the changing needs of her child as they grow and mature. Her breasts also serve the needs of her child by being a place of comfort for a young child.

9 But thou are he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother’s breasts.

– Psalm 22:9 (KJV)

A woman’s breasts are a blessing from God to man

But breasts are not only for feeding children. Female humans are the only mammals in God’s creation that keep constantly protruding breasts. A woman’s constantly protruding breasts serve the second function for which God made them: the pleasure and comfort of men.

25 Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:

– Genesis 49:25 (KJV)

18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

– Proverbs 5:18-19 (KJV)

10 I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.

– Song of Solomon 8:10 (KJV)

I will cover this in more detail when I write on human sexuality from a Christian perspective, but for now I will say this. A woman’s breasts serve two purposes: the feeding of infants, and the pleasure of and comfort of man. To say a woman’s breasts are only meant for feeding children would fly in the face of biology, psychology and most importantly the Bible.

Fat helps a woman look more attractive than a man

Contrary to modern preconceptions, fat, in and of itself, is not a bad thing for a woman. It can become a bad thing when there are excessive amounts of fat, but when fat is in the correct proportions it is one of the key things that makes a woman beautiful. In the same way that a man’s body naturally produces more muscle than a woman’s, a woman’s body naturally produces more fat than a man’s body.

Men should have an average of 9 to 15% of their body weight come from fat. Women, however, should have a range of 14 to 21% of their body weight from fat. So as you can see, a normal woman with a low percentage of body fat would be at the high end of where a man should be. On average, women typically have 50% more body fat than men and that is a good thing for several reasons.

http://www.humankinetics.com/excerpts/excerpts/normal-ranges-of-body-weight-and-body-fat

Girls begin to add more fat just prior to and during puberty. This fat is distributed to their cheeks, lips, breasts, hips, pelvis and buttocks. It is only after they take in too much fat that it will be distributed to their stomach or elsewhere.

In fact, a woman produces and stores special fat in her hips, buttocks and legs called DHA. Her body uses this fat to help with infant brain development when she is pregnant. This fat (along a woman’s hips, buttocks and legs) is some of the more difficult for her to lose because her body is programmed to keep it for having children. That is why the ladies in the gym have to work so much harder on their legs, buttocks and hips to lose weight in those regions.

So ladies, fat is not always the enemy. In fact, contrary to the skinny, bony models we are shown on television or in ads, most men actually prefer curvy women.

An article in the 2012 issue of Psychology Today explains that men “know” something significant about women’s bodies that women don’t. And it all has to do with nature’s mandate to produce children with great survival skills. In fact, women are usually more like men’s ideals than they realize, and losing weight to meet the standard set by the fashion modeling industries may not make them any more attractive to men.

Men rate women as most attractive when they have a waste (sic) size that is 60-70% of this hip size. To put things in perspective: The typical US undergrad has a waist that is 75% of her hip size. The average Playboy playmate is 53%, and the average fashion model is 46%…

The total amount of fat a human female carries is seven times that of other animals, and much more than men. And the fat stored in women’s hips, butt, and legs is “protected” from weight fluctuations…

Babies have an organ that is seven times larger than in other animals – the brain. And it grows fastest in the first two years of life, and it only does so with ample supplies of the omega-3 fatty acid DHA. Guess where women’s bodies tend to stash DHA? In the hips and legs…

Women are much less satisfied with their bodies after viewing images of super-skinny models. However, men consistently prefer a curvier, fuller look that is nothing like the “ideal” presented by the fashion industry!

– Jonathan Ross (Discovery Health)

http://blogs.discovery.com/jonathan_ross/2012/09/men-find-curvy-women-more-attractive-because-they-produce-smarter-babies.html

(Just FYI Discovery removed this article from their blog since I posted this – maybe because it was politically incorrect? I don’t know.)

So ladies – stop looking at all those skinny fashion models that have no curves and have bodies that look more like teenage boys than women. God made you the way you are for a reason.

Conclusion and Application

Whether you are a Christian reading this or a non-Christian, I invite you to examine the evidence both from biology as well as your own general observations of human behavior. Will there be exceptions? Yes. There are some women who have behaviors and abilities that more mimic the typical man, and there are some men who have behaviors and abilities that more mirror the typical woman. But these are rare.

As believers, we have a source of truth that not only confirms the differences we see in biology and typical gender behaviors, but it also gives a reason for the differences. It gives us a purpose, if we will only believe and accept it.

To the women I say, will you accept how God has made you? Will you accept the purpose for your differences and use them in accordance with his plan? Will you accept that God created you not to give the majority of your time and talents to strangers, but that he specially gifted you for bearing and raising children and supporting your husband? As a woman the greatest thing you can ever build in God’s sight is your home, not a career. Even if your abilities are not as strong as other women in various areas – will you pray to God to strengthen your weaknesses?

Moms – will you raise your daughters to be independent of men? Or, will you raise them to honor their God-given role of wife and mother and teach them to find a man and pour themselves 100% into being the best wife and mother a man could ever want? If you have a son, are you raising your daughters to be like the kind of wife you would want your son to have?

Husbands – will you accept your wife’s God-given need to have children, and to feel protected and secure? Will you accept that God has made women like a delicate vases and you need to treat them as the treasure God has given you? Will you show your daughters the special love that they need? Do you treat your wife the way you would want your daughter’s husband to treat her?

We must all accept that God has built women to be help meets to men and mothers to their children. Women are gifted with a special ability to empathize and nurture; they have multi-tasking and care-taking abilities. Women are built for beauty and comfort, to bring pleasure to both the eyes and bodies of men.

I have briefly mentioned God’s sexual design of woman, but I have not gone into great detail. I have opted to cover that in a completely separate paper because I really don’t believe I can do it justice in just a few paragraphs. Look for a separate post on human sexuality coming soon.

Other sources:

http://www.dermalogica.com/is-a-man%27s-skin-really-different-from-a-woman%27s%3F/ys_shave_4,default,pg.html

http://drjamesdobson.org/Solid-Answers/Answers?a=ff773023-2693-410d-b9e1-662f6985be4e

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201207/the-battle-the-sexes

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/08/opinion/08baron-cohen.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0