BiblicalGenderRoles.Com to be featured on Alan Colmes Radio Show

I am happy to announce that I have accepted an invitation to be interviewed by Alan Colmes on his nationally syndicated radio show.  His show runs from 6 PM to 9 PM EST and I will be talking to him around 7 PM tomorrow night(11/4/2015).

For those who don’t know I write under the pen name ‘Larry Solomon’ so that is how he will be addressing me for the phone interview.

I have watched Alan for many years on the Fox News channel going back to his TV show with Sean Hannity that was called “Hannity & Colmes”.  While Hannity now does that show alone, Colmes is still a regular guest on many of the Fox News programs.

Alan Colmes is a liberal and thus a feminist . I hold no illusions about him taking any kind of a positive look at what I have written.  I know it will be an opposition style interview that will compare the values of feminism against the values of the Bible.  But I am hoping that if he is as polite as he is on Fox News that he will at least let me honestly represent my Biblical views even though he disagrees with them.

Here is the link where you can listen to his show live online tomorrow night when I come on around 7 PM tomorrow night(11/4/2015).  Just click the Listen Live link in the upper left corner of the page.

http://radio.foxnews.com/fox-news-talk/alan-colmes/

A Rape victim takes on “Rape Culture” Hysteria

“Coercion is NOT, I repeat, is NOT when a husband talks to his wife about their sexual relationship and she “agrees” to have sex even though she really doesn’t feel like it. It also is NOT her “choosing” to have sex with her husband because things are as fun for her anymore (dates etc). Again, it is also NOT when the house doesn’t get the latest update but is in working order. If she doesn’t like not having money control, she can get a job.” – This is part of a comment that was sent to me today by a woman named Jessica as a response to my article “The Frustrated Feminist Wife”.

Jessica’s words actually remind me a lot of my own mother’s words on this subject of rape.  My mother was a victim of rape by a close relative when she was a young teen. It took her a long time to truly enjoy sex with my father.  She had to go through a lot of counseling and therapy to get to the place where she could truly enjoy sex as the gift God meant it to be.

But my mother who is also a devout Christian had a very similar reaction to Jessica’s here when she read what I wrote months back on this subject of sex in marriage and saw me being accused of advocating for rape.  These “rape accusers” truly do a disservice to women who have truly suffered sexual abuse and rape by their false accusations.

I am thankful that many women both Christian and non-Christian are willing to take a stand against the false rape accusers.

Jessica’s Statement

“I really want to thank you! As a Christian woman with a deep, troubled past of physical, mental and sexual abuse I approve of this message 🙂 It’s hard for me to read comments on how this is rape when it is not. It’s annoying to read comments by people that have clearly not read all the articles before commenting, or because of their ignorance they add bits and pieces of each article/comment to make up their own idea of “what you said”.

To be clear to those out there that seem to think “this” example, or any of the articles for the matter, are coercion or rape really need to get their britches out of a bunch, pull them up, take a seat, and use their God-given brain to understand the Bible and what has been expressed in your articles.

Coercion is for example: When Johnny tells Jane that if she doesn’t have sex with him, he will murder her. or… when a younger person in a family threatens to tell a dirty secret of an older relative if they do not name them executive of their will (yes, also known as blackmail). Or when your boss coerces you to have sex with him or he will divulge another affair he knows you’re involved in.

Coercion is NOT, I repeat, is NOT when a husband talks to his wife about their sexual relationship and she “agrees” to have sex even though she really doesn’t feel like it. It also is NOT her “choosing” to have sex with her husband because things are as fun for her anymore (dates etc). Again, it is also NOT when the house doesn’t get the latest update but is in working order. If she doesn’t like not having money control, she can get a job.

From creation we were given the intellect to understand God’s Word, but the sin within us wants to twist it to please our own selfish needs. Unfortunately, so many in the church want to please and not lose numbers in their congregation that they preach what is acceptable instead of what is Doctrine.

In a Christian marriage, you ARE to give yourselves to each other.

And I’m agreeing to this, KNOWING that I have severe issues with this due to my past. Even though progress is being made, it’s a slow process. My poor husband knows that I suffer in the same pain he does, but I do give myself to him, even when I’m not in the mood! Maybe not always (and I know I’m in sin), but deep down I want to but during those times I don’t is because I cannot accept the touch from a man, even though he’s my husband. He works with me, we talk… Why? BECAUSE I HAVE SOME MENTAL ISSUES (that I’m getting help for)! Like was stated in the author’s articles! And it’s not like I’m being a brat of a wife and saying, “No, it’s my body and I don’t want to give it to you, so no.” I want to give it, just can’t do it at those times.

So many of these “what if’s” that are being mentioned are covered, but the rape activists and domestic abuse activists are out here screaming and don’t even have the full story. I’m studying psychology and abuse in women. Why? Because I plan to help others that have gone through it and it helps me as well, to understand and overcome my traumas.

It’s discipline I tell you! If she doesn’t like it, she can leave and get a job.

And if any body that does not have a job wants to complain about not receiving money and extras, while they’re being fed, clothed, and housed… well shame on you.

If you want to know abuse I’ll be more than happy to inform you and give great details of being captive in your ‘home’. Being beat bloody. Fighting for your life. Afraid to leave. Being fired from jobs because of not being allowed to leave the house to go to work. etc…. the list goes on. In extreme tears and gagging during sex… yeah… then it’s domestic abuse.

Preach it Sir.

I actually came here because of reading a bashing article on another “Christian” site, so I figured I’d check it out to see what the hype was all about. I figured it had to be something horrible from what I read. But of course that was cut and paste of certain phrases, pushed together, which out of context can sound bad on their own.

Have a blessed day!”

I believe Jessica may have had this passage of Scripture in mind when she said “Preach it Sir.”

Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.  For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.” – II Timothy 4:2-4 (KJV)

Amen Jessica.  Amen. Thank you for taking on the Rape Straw Man from a woman’s perspective.  It truly is enlightening.

Photo Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:0809_Der_%C3%B6sterliche_Judas-Brauch_(Figur_aus_Stroh).JPG

Is wanting sex with your wife when she is not in the mood childish?

“Yes, God has given us the sex drive, but that doesn’t mean we must gratify it. We are not children any more…I can accept the sex drive to be almost impossible to resist when one is a teenager and the hormones are wild, but I cannot accept an adult man trying to excuse his adultery – or coerce his wife to have sex with him – by “I have a sex drive and my wife doesn’t!”.

This is an excerpt from a comment I received today from a Christian wife who calls herself ‘ketutar’. She was commenting on my post “Is a husband selfish for having sex with his wife when she is not in the mood?”.

This comment  is just another textbook example of the problem with the poisonous feminization of marriage that we see today throughout America and the Western world.

Here is her full comment.

Ketutar’s philosophy of sex in Marriage

“I’m OK with this, except for two things.

1) Your marriage doesn’t need sex. If it does, you’re doing it wrong. Due to my health, we have not had sex for several years now. Our marriage is not suffering in any way. We are very intimate, kissing, hugging, holding each other, petting each other – we give each other compliments and express our love in all kinds of manners, like doing small favors to each other, giving each other tokens of love, thinking about the other, sending each other messages and kisses and hugs. Marriage needs intimacy, not sex.

2) Yes, God has given us the sex drive, but that doesn’t mean we must gratify it. We are not children any more. We don’t use diapers, we wait until we can use the toilet. We don’t need snacks, we wait until the meal is served and eat by the table with the family at decided times. We don’t need a bedtime story, teddy and a glass of water before we can sleep. We get up in the morning even when it would be so nice to stay in bed. We don’t have a 2 mile present wish list, nor do we go and buy whatever we might want just because we could – no, we are adults, so we see if the thing fits our economy, home, family and plan. If it doesn’t, we forget the whim, not the family and plan. I can accept the sex drive to be almost impossible to resist when one is a teenager and the hormones are wild, but I cannot accept an adult man trying to excuse his adultery – or coerce his wife to have sex with him – by “I have a sex drive and my wife doesn’t!”.

Also, God gave your wife her sex drive, too… if she got less than you do, should she go against God’s will to adjust to yours? Or should you perhaps exercise not giving in to your animal instincts, bodily whims and yetzer hara?”

My response to Ketutar and other Christian wives who may think like this

You said – “Your marriage doesn’t need sex. If it does, you’re doing it wrong.”

No I am sorry Ketutar, but if your marriage does not need sex – you are in fact doing something wrong. The Bible shows sex as a need in marriage.

“If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.”  – Exodus 21:10-11 (KJV)

God compares sex with food and clothing which are both needs as well. In a marriage – sex is a need.  While it is true that no person has ever died from not having sex, it is equally true that plenty of marriages have died from lack of sex.

Your husband is commanded by God to seek sexual pleasure in your body, and for you to give it to him.

“Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” – Proverbs 5:18-19 (KJV)

A man wanting sex when his wife is not in the mood is NOT childish.

In fact I would argue that women are often the ones who are acting childish for the reasons they often turn down their husbands for sex.

A big part of what it means to be an adult and growing up is doing things when you don’t feel like it. It is getting up for work when you don’t feel like it.  It is talking to your spouse when you don’t feel like it.  And yes it is having sex with your spouse when you don’t feel like it.

That is what it means to be a Christian spouse and an adult in God’s eyes.

Sex is what separates marriage from friendship

It is one thing for a married couple to not be able to have sex for brief periods of time due to health issues, surgeries or being physically separated(like because of job situations). But if a couple simply chooses not to have sex anymore that is no longer marriage as God intended it.

Even if it is due to health reasons.  I am going to be frank here.  Unless it becomes a physical impossibly for a man to achieve an erection or for a woman to have vaginal penetration a couple ought to be having sex.  This goes to the core of marriage.  Even with ED issues or women having issues with vaginal penetration there are other ways for a couple to have physical sexual intimacy.

Ketutar – you and your husband have allowed the “one flesh” aspect of marriage to be neglected or basically removed.  You no longer have a fully functioning marriage as God designed it to be – instead you have at best a close friendship.

In fact I would take a guess and say that you have successfully converted your husband into your girlfriend.

The only way your husband is not suffering is because of one of these possibilities:

  1. He was and has always has been an asexual man. So when your health problems came along he was like “Yeah – I don’t have to have sex anymore”.
  2. He has homosexual tendencies. So when you were first married he had sex with you but he really did not like it – he just did it to please you. Then when your health problems came that burden was lifted off his shoulders. Now he just has to suppress his desires toward other men.
  3. He is simply doing a very good job of hiding his displeasure and frustration about not having sex with you. If this is the case he is probably relieving his sexual tension by looking at porn and masturbating. But this in no way can completely replace that physical sexual connection that he needs with you. He may also be hiding affairs or seeing prostitutes.

Adults don’t need snacks?

You said “We don’t need snacks, we wait until the meal is served and eat by the table with the family at decided times.”

Well I don’t know about you – but as an adult I still need a granola bar or other snacks in between meals.  In fact many studies have shown that eating 4 or 5 small meals a day is better than eating three big meals a day the way many of us do.

And yes as adults we need “sexual snacks” as well as “sexual meals”.

Sexual snacks are quickies. That is when you don’t have a lot of time and maybe only one of you is in the mood but the other needs it so you go have a quickie.  Every healthy marriage should have quickies as part of its sexual diet.

Sexual meals are the full treatment.  This is when both people are in the mood (or get themselves in the mood if one is not) and they take their time with foreplay and just enjoying one another’s bodies until they get to the actual act of intercourse. This is the kind of sex where you hold each other afterwards and just cuddle.

A Christian marriage needs both sexual snacks and sexual meals. Without sexual snacks and meals the marriage will starve to death and at best become a close friendship and nothing more – as your marriage has apparently become. At worst it will lead to sexual immorality and the marriage may end.

Is a woman going against God’s will if she has sex with her husband when she is not in the mood?

You said “Also, God gave your wife her sex drive, too… if she got less than you do, should she go against God’s will to adjust to yours? Or should you perhaps exercise not giving in to your animal instincts, bodily whims and yetzer hara?”

Ketutar – do you honestly tell yourself that you are going against God’s will if you have sex with your husband when you are not in the mood?

It is ABSOLUTELY God’s will that you give your body to your husband whenever he needs it!

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” – I Corinthians 7:3-5 (KJV)

I realize you may have some health problems.  But health problems are not an excuse to end sex in a marriage. They may be cause for brief delays and rainchecks, but they should never eradicate sex from the marriage.

Ketutar – you have defrauded your husband (I Corinthians 7:5) and he has sinned by not finding sexual satisfaction in your body (Proverbs 5:19).  It appears he has abandoned his leadership position at least in this sexual arena, if not others.  He has enabled your sin now for “years”.

I pray that you will both repent of this mockery you have made of marriage and that you will indeed become “one flesh” as God designed you to be.