teen

I Would Want to Kill Myself Rather Than Be A Woman

/ biblicalgenderroles / 5 Comments

“Why do you guys feel the need to be superior then woman in literally EVERYTHING. It’s like woman can’t catch a break! I’m not trying to be rude as I’m only twelve. Why is this discussion important? Shouldn’t we be talking about God instead of another disadvantage of getting the trash gender? I’d hate to be born female. I would’ve cut of my genitals if I had to. Just so I would get the gender that gets have a relationship with God. Please, Larry just explain to me. Why? Why do woman have to be inferior? Why do they need to be second class. Imagine this, being born with something that you couldn’t control and you having to be nothing more then an object. I’d rather kill myself having to have that gender.”

This was a comment I recently received from a young man who called himself Daniel.

Neither I, nor most of the commenters on this site feel the need to be superior to women in “literally EVERYTHING”.  What we do feel the need to do is proclaim God’s Word to a generation that has abandoned the doctrines concerning gender roles as found in the Bible.

Women actually do have advantages or superior abilities over men when it comes to caregiving and nurturing.  God has given women this advantage as part of his design for them to be caretakers of children as we read in the passage below:

“4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:4-5 (KJV)

And speaking of children.  In God’s design women get to experience the joy of carrying another human being inside them and then molding and shaping that little person’s life for their first few years of their life.  What an awesome privilege this is!

Why is this discussion important?  Why can’t we just talk about God?

It is important to have this discussion because you cannot fully talk about God without discussing his design and intention for our lives.

The Apostle Paul said in Acts 20:27 “For I have not shunned to declare unto you all the counsel of God”.  Paul was saying he was not afraid to declare all the law of God and all his intended purposes for our lives.  Today most Christian pastors and teachers and have actually cowered in fear of our culture and they are horrified of being labeled as misogynists for teaching that the Bible says God made woman for man and to be in subjection and service to man.  Unfortunately, this is the culture you and your fellow teens have grown up in.

Why does woman have to be inferior to man in many ways?

1 Corinthians 11:7 give us the answer when it states “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man”.  It is because God created man, the male human being, with his masculine human nature to live out the attributes of God with his life.  He created woman as “the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7) for man to help him fully live out the attributes of God by needing his leadership, provision and protection.

This is why God made men with more muscle mass, more logical and systemizing natures as well as being more aggressive and competitive.  All of these attributes represent the image of God in man.   Woman was given her shared human attributes with man not to represent God with her life, but rather to make her a suitable companion for man.  This was meant to picture how all of mankind is weaker than God and needs his strength, his provision and his leadership.

The Bible Teaches Us To Honor Woman as The Weaker Vessel

The Bible teaches us that a woman’s weakness in comparison to man should not be shamed, but rather it should be honored as part of God’s plan to paint a beautiful picture of the relationship between himself and his people.  In the 5th commandment in Exodus 20:12, God commands that women are to honored as mothers and in 1 Peter 3:7 husbands are commanded to give “honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel”.

This is why as Christians we should never refer to women as “the trash gender”. And it is not treating women as trash to say that they should know their role in God’s creation and act accordingly anymore than it is treating men as trash to say they owe unconditional love, leadership, provision and protection to the women God has placed under their authority.

A Person’s Value Does Not Come From Equality

Lastly, regarding your feeling that you would want to kill yourself if you were a woman if this is God’s design for woman.  This is a message I receive all the time.  Probably about once a week at least.  The reason for your feelings is because you have been raised in a humanist culture where equality, rather than duty is it is highest value.  If a person does not have equal rights and privileges with another person than they are being said to be treated as less than human and their life does not have value.

This is why many today, reason that is better to abort a child that will have some physical disability or be born to an impoverished family.  Because after all, if they will not be equal in their physical abilities and equal in their lifestyle to others, what is the point of the life?

The Bible however, give us a very different perspective of what should give meaning and value to our lives:

“6 I will say to the north, Give up; and to the south, Keep not back: bring my sons from far, and my daughters from the ends of the earth; 7 Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.

Isaiah 43:6-8 (KJV)

Teens, the Bible teaches us that that the value of our lives comes not from our equal rights, privileges, health or economic status with other human beings but rather it comes from being created by God as part of his design to bring him glory.  And wherever he chooses to place us in his design, whether as male or female, strong or weak or rich or poor we should always give God the praise and glory for the life he has given us.

My Mom Doesn’t Want Me To Be A Homemaker

/ biblicalgenderroles / 9 Comments

“I am an 18 year old female…I’ve ever only wanted to be a wife and mother as the the Bible says. My mother has been pushing me towards a career…how and where can I find a husband who is traditional in the biblical sense and how can I convince my mom that college and a career is not what I am supposed to do”.  This was part of a comment I received from a young woman calling herself Shary.

Below is her full comment to me.

“I am a recent high school graduate (in May). For several months now I’ve been reading many blogs like yours and I just would like to say thank you for transforming my life. I am an 18 year old female And prior to graduation I’ve always been asked what career I want to go into. I’ve always had trouble figuring it out because I’ve ever only wanted to be a wife and mother as the the Bible says. My mother has been pushing me towards a career in medicine as a doctor simply because they make a lot of money and are noble.

I’ve chosen to take a gap year before college which of course has made my mom upset. She is now forcing me to find a job since I won’t be going to school. I have told my mom that I don’t want to get into so much debt from college yet she is still pushing me towards it. I’ve been raised my whole life as a Christian and by a single mother, since my father was very abusive when I was a child, but I was never taught about biblical gender roles. My mom has never lived a life according to the Bible’s gender roles.

I would like to ask you how and where can I find a husband who is traditional in the biblical sense and how can I convince my mom that college and a career is not what I am supposed to do. My church does not teach the things that you write about so I am hesitant to go to my pastor in fear that I will be pushed into college and a career.”

Shary,

The unfortunate reality is that your mother is projecting her life onto you as many women who have been hurt by men do. Feminists love to use stories like that of your mom who had an abusive husband and she had to raise her daughter on her own to encourage women to be independent and protect themselves from the potential abuses of men.  But in doing so they teach women to neglect their purpose for being created.

To be fair, this same thing goes on with men as well.  In the Manosphere we have a movement of men called MGTOW (Men going their own way) which basically uses stories of men being abused by women with stories of women cheating on their husbands only to take their kids, their money and leaving the guy in the poor house to discourage men from marriage and women completely to protect themselves from potential abuse by women.

But to all the young people out there like you Shary, both men and women, God did not create us to just “survive”.  He created us so that men and women could come together and picture the relationship of God to his people in marriage.

No generation of young people (both men and women) has ever been so averse to marriage because of the risks that it entails. And yes, there are risks to both men and women in entering marriage together.  Although in the post-feminist society we now live in, marriage is actually less riskier for women that it has ever been and conversely it is more risky for men than it has ever been.

But no matter the risk of marriage to either men or women, we must continue to call young people to have faith and follow God’s first command to “Be fruitful, and multiply” (Genesis 1:28) which requires marriage.  That does not mean of course that men and women should not be very careful in vetting potential spouses for marriage.  They absolutely should.  They should talk to family and friends of people they court and truly seek to know that person’s background well before they enter into marriage.

Regarding your question as to how to find traditional men.  Start online – 40 percent of couples who marry each year met online.  Go on all the major dating sites and setup a profile. Just make sure you put in that profile that you are looking for a traditional Christian marriage where the husband lovingly leads, provides for and protects his wife as Christ does his church and the woman submits to and serves her husband as the church is to submit to and serve Christ.  And that the woman is to bear children, care for those children and be a keeper at home.  You will find many Christian men online that are looking for exactly the kind of woman you want to be.

Regarding your mom. Give your mom the Scriptures that teach the doctrines of gender roles and especially those that emphasize the woman’s place in the home like 1 Timothy 5:14 and Titus 2:4-5.  Explain to her that Ephesians 5:22-33 shows that your purpose in creation is to join with a man in marriage to paint the picture of Christ and his church.

God does not want women to be independent of men any more than he wants the church to be independent of him.

Yes, sometimes men will fail and abuse women just as women sometimes will fail and abuse men.  Divorce happens, abuse happens.  But God wants us to have faith in his design and ultimately trust him when things go south.

Ultimately though you may never convince your mom of God’s purpose for you to be a homemaker, because her life experience.  Each of us has a choice in this life, we can live by what our feelings and by what our life experience has taught us or we can live by faith in God and his purposes for our lives.

But you don’t have to convince your mom that God’s Word is right to follow it.  In fact sometimes we must go against our human authority when they impede us from following God’s will for our lives – in Acts 5:29 Peter said “We ought to obey God rather than men“. I don’t say this lightly because I think in general that women should follow the guidance of their parents but there are times when you must go contrary to the guidance of your parents to follow God.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego made the following statement to King Nebuchadnezzar as he was about to throw them into the fiery furnace in Daniel 3:17-18:

“17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.”

Yes, statistically speaking we have around a 50 percent chance of divorce.  And there is also a chance of many other abuses going on in marriage by both men and women that may not lead to divorce, but will result in the marriage being more difficult.  But regardless of whether God places us in a more challenging marriage with an abusive spouse or even allows us to go through divorce – he is still God and we must never give up on his commands regarding marriage.

And finally, you may want to take a cue from Ruth in the Bible.  She was raised in a pagan society yet chose to worship the true God.  She had no men in her life to guide her as her husband had died.  She did however have a godly mother-in-law who helped guide her.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you are lacking this guidance from elder Christians in the Lord in your immediate area.  And you are not alone in this.  The church has been so utterly infested by feminism and egalitarianism that it is very hard for young people to find good mentors in this age.

There are however many traditional woman’s groups online on Facebook and elsewhere.  Look on Instagram as well. I have been very encouraged recently to see the awakening of many young Christian women to how feminism is destroying marriage in our society.  It is so encouraging for me to find many young women like you who are rejecting the lie of the career woman and are embracing God’s created purpose for their life to be a wife and mother and a keeper in the home.

And while your church leadership may not embrace Biblical gender roles; you would be surprised how many churches have a few families in them that do.  You need to look for these families in the church you attend or perhaps try out some other churches in your area.

A Teenage Girl’s Courtship Covenant

/ biblicalgenderroles / 1 Comment

Today I make the following covenant before God.

I will only seek to court a man when my father gives his permission to court that man and I will honor his rules for courting . (Genesis 29:15-20, Exodus 22:16-17)

I will not make provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof by allowing myself to be alone with any man that I am not married to unless he is my close blood relative. (Romans 13:14)

I will guard my heart and save not only physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy as well for marriage and I will not awaken the type of love God meant only for marriage until I am married. (Proverbs 4:23, Song of Solomon 2:7)

I will not follow my heart or feelings in seeking my future husband as it may deceive me.  Instead I will seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance  as well as the guidance of my parents and other Christian elders as they follow Christ. (Proverbs 1:8,Proverbs 11:14,John 16:13)

I will not date because dating is led by the heart, not the spirit, it can often awaken the kind of love only meant for marriage and it makes provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.

What is the difference between courting and dating?

/ biblicalgenderroles / 3 Comments

Both dating and courting will involve couples doing things together.  A dating couple and a courting couple might go out to dinner, a movie theater, a sporting event or church event together.  A dating and a courting couple might spend time together with their various friends and family members.  A dating and a courting couple may be physically attracted to one another.

With all these similarities it understandable how some people might confuse dating with courting.  But the differences between these two activities are a matter of WHY, WHEN and HOW.

WHY Dating and Courting Occur Is Different

The reason why men and women date is to enjoy one another’s company.  For instance, if a couple goes on a date and either one or both do not enjoy the other’s company then they will not see each other again.  Even if a couple has been dating for some time, if they cease to enjoy one another’s company then they simply “break up”.

The reason why men and women court is for the purpose of discovering if they are compatible for marriage.  While courting couples may enjoy their time spent together as dating couples do they understand that this is only a happy byproduct of the courting process and not it’s core purpose.  When one courts they are interviewed by the other’s parents, family and friends and they also interview their prospective spouse’s family and friends.

Courting is not about having fun, it is a fact-finding mission about a prospective spouse.

The purpose of courting is to find out the character of a potential spouse by asking them about what they believe about God and about life and then finding out from their family and friends if their life matches their beliefs.

While courtships are sometimes terminated like dating relationships are, the termination of a courtship does not happen easily and it a serious event for both families.  Only if a serious incompatibly was found or if unfaithfulness was found on the part of either person would a courtship process be terminated.  Another important reason why courtships are terminated far less often than dating relationships is because both families do a preliminary investigation of the potential spouse before a courtship arrangement is agreed upon.

WHEN Dating and Courting Happens is Different

In dating a man typically approaches a woman and “asks her out”.  It might be to dinner, a school event, a church event or some other event.  With courting a man does not ask the woman out.  He asks her father’s permission to court his daughter.

And this brings us to another key difference between courting and dating.  The man does not ask permission to court another man’s daughter until he is prepared to support a wife and family.  Courtships unlike dating are not meant to be conducted over many years.  They are meant to be a short time to see of the couple are compatible for marriage and then they marry.  Typically, this process takes only a few months but usually does not go beyond a year.

From a courting perspective, it would be highly inappropriate for a young 16-year-old man in high school who is totally unprepared for marriage or unprepared to support a family to ask a young woman’s father if he may court her.  But with the practice of dating, a man need not be mature enough for marriage or able to provide for a family to enter into an intimate relationship with a young woman.

One last thing about WHEN courting occurs.  We have spoken about the prerequisites for a young man to be able to court someone’s daughter. So the next logical question would then be what about the young woman? What is the age for courtship for her?  The age is when her father deems her ready.  This may be before the legal age of adulthood which is 18 or after the legal age of adulthood. His primary concern would be to make the determination as to whether his daughter is spiritually and emotionally mature enough for marriage.

HOW Dating and Courting is Conducted is Different

When young men and women date they may kiss and hold hands on the very first date.  In fact, some couples even have sex on the first date.  Still for many teens they may not have sex for some time but they still become very intimate with each other in other emotional and physical ways.

For many young men and women dating is sort of like taking a drug.  They experience the dopamine rush in their brains of being with a new person.  Every text they receive from the other person gives them a rush. Every touch from that person gives them a rush.  Then they need to go further and further with the touching.  Even if some teens do not engage in full sexual intercourse, many dating teens are touching one another in other sexual ways.  It is all about the rush, the thrill of being with that person.

And then for many teens when the rush and the thrill of the new relationship goes away they breakup and move on to the next teen to experience new thrills with that new person.  And this cycle goes on and on throughout high school or college until they finally decide to settle down, get serious and get married.

When young men and women court they do NOT touch.  Some courting couples may be allowed to hold hands when the wedding is very close. But beyond that there is no kissing or hugging or cuddling during courting. And while they definitely investigate one another for compatibility they are not as emotionally intimate as dating couples.  The goal of courtship is to make sure a couple is compatible but at the same time not engage in the emotional and physical intimacy God meant for marriage.  Courting couples experience that dopamine rush too, but they do not allow it to control their actions.  They can finally and fully let go once they are married.  And on their wedding night and during their honeymoon – physical and emotional intimacy is all new for them and as beautiful as God intended it to be.

To help courting couples avoid the temptation to touch or talk in ways that are reserved for marriage they are never allowed to be alone.  They always have parents or siblings or other Christian elders with them at all times. Courting couples might go out to dinner, a movie theater, a sporting event or church event together but often they don’t even sit next to one another. Someone else is in-between whether it is a sibling or a parent.  So, they experience the events together but they do not touch. This is a major difference between dating couples and courting couples.

Conclusion

Some people wrongly think that courting is just “dating for marriage”.  But as we have shown here it is so much more than that. A core component of dating is physical intimacy even if the couple does not go all the way to intercourse.  Another critical difference between dating and courting is the parental involvement.  In dating the man asks the woman out, in courting the man asks the girl’s father for permission to court his daughter.  With dating the ability of the young man to provide for a family and his overall readiness for marriage is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is if the young woman finds him attractive and fun to be around.  In courting, the young man’s ability to provide for a family as well as his faith and overall maturity are critical prerequisites to him asking to court a man’s daughter.