Some Christians believe women should “follow the science” and let the government (CDC, NIH) determine their proper weight. Others believe that women should weigh whatever makes them feel good about themselves. But what does the Bible teach? What biblical principles should guide a Christian woman in her weight loss journey?
The Bible says in Ephesians 5:24 (KJV) “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing”. And “every thing” includes how much a woman weighs.
Since God has given the husband complete control over his wife, including her body, what considerations then should guide the husband in determining the right weight for his wife? The answer is that her duties should determine her weight.
The three primary duties of a wife are to bear children (1 Timothy 5:14), keep her home (Titus 2:5) and bring sexual pleasure to her husband (Proverbs 5:18-19). And all of these duties are to be done in complete submission to her husband.
A woman’s fertility can be hindered by a body fat percentage that is too high or too low. Also, her ability to care for her home and her children may be impacted by a body fat percentage that is too high or too low. These are two important considerations for husbands.
After considering impacts to her fertility as well as her duties to care for their home and their children there is another very important consideration a man must take into account. What weight on his wife most sexually intoxicates him? (Proverbs 5:18-19)
Some men prefer large breasts, large hips and large rear ends on their wives. And this combination often requires these women to have a higher body fat percentage. Other men prefer a smaller fit build with small breasts, small hips and small rear ends on their wives.
All women gain weight as a result of their pregnancies. The question of them returning to their pre-pregnancy weight is completely up to the husband. Does he like her post pregnancy body better or does he want her to lose the weight? The choice is his.
The four biblical principles that determine a Christian wife’s proper weight are as follows:
1. God wants wives to submit to their husbands.
2. God wants wives to have children.
3. God wants wives to be homemakers.
4. God wants wives to be sexually pleasing to their husbands.
If you as a woman are fulfilling all these tasks which God has given you with the weight you are at, then you have a healthy weight in the eyes of God.
In the final part of this series, we will discuss the scenario of a fat husband expecting his wife to remain fit
The concept of wife spanking or really a man disciplining his wife even using non-physical means is abhorrent to our modern culture. The reason for this is because we in our modern culture have been conditioned to believe that discipline is only for children and that a man spanking his wife is him treating her like a child.
The truth however, both from a Biblical as well as a historic perspective is very different. The Bible teaches us that chastisement both in the form of corporal punishment as well as taking away various things is ordained by God for both civil government and especially the sphere of the home with the husband and father as its patriarch. And for thousands of years the practice of corporal discipline by husbands and fathers within the home and the marriage was an accepted behavior.
It was not until the rise of feminism in mid-19th century that the historic practice of what American courts called “domestic discipline” came into question.
I first started writing on the need for husbands to return to the Biblical and historic practice of disciplining their wives back in 2015 with my article entitled “7 Ways to Discipline Your Wife”. And in recent years I made a podcast series on my podcast site BGRLearning.com where expound more on that article.
In addition, I wrote “A Christian Husband’s Guide to Grooming His Young Wife” for newlywed husbands which includes discipline as part of a larger Biblically based grooming process that Christian husbands should practice with their wives.
As you can imagine, I get a lot of angry emails and comments related to my writings on domestic discipline. I also get the occasional catfishing emails where people send me outlandish discipline tactics which they are using to get my take and those emails go straight to my trash bin. But I also get emails which I believe to be genuine like one I received recently. And it always encourages me to see how God awakens men to the truth of his Word regarding discipline in general and the need for chastisement of wives in particular.
Recently I received such an email from a man calling himself Edward. Below his email that I hope you will also find encouraging.
Edward’s Email to BGR
“Dear Sir,
I would like to share with you what the Lord showed me in the last couple of months, regarding disciplining one’s wife. You might already know all of this, but I thought you might find it interesting.
Firstly, I came to learn that discipline is a huge thing for the whole body of Christ – it’s so big that the very word the Lord chose for his followers (disciples) is even based on discipline! In fact, as one meditates on it, one find that just about the whole Bible deals with a lack of discipline, the consequences thereof and the Lord’s dealings with it – from the garden of Eden through to Revelations.
Here are some things I learned, before I share some additional scriptures.
1. Your point is correct: God rebukes and chastises those He loves. Man is obliged to do the same.
2. There is a great reward in accepting discipline. We should embrace it and actually ask for it.
3. It’s not really optional. As His children, He disciplines us because of His great love for us. In this world, we WILL be disciplined – either by His loving hand, or by consequencial circumstances. Of course, there is also the terrible alternative to be “handed over to satan” as Paul writes to the Corinthians.
The above is just a summary of my own observations. Following are some additional scriptures that you and others might find interesting – starting with general guidance and ending with an absolute clincher! I must just add that the Lord showed me these scriptures when I sought Him for council in this matter.
1. He also spoke this parable: “A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. Then he said to the keeper of his vineyard, ‘Look, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree and find none. Cut it down; why does it use up the ground?’ But he answered and said to him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and fertilize it. And if it bears fruit, well. But if not, after that you can cut it down.’ ”
Luke 13:6-9
This was a general scripture the Lord gave me that emphasised our responsibility as men to maintain discipline.
2. “…I am consumed by the blow of Your hand. When with rebukes You correct man for iniquity, You make his beauty melt away like a moth…
Psalms 39:10-11
3. And that servant who knew his master’s will, and did not prepare himself or do according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. Luke 12:47-48
I laughed when the Lord showed me this scripture in relation to a good spanking. He even tells us when a long, hard spanking is required: When the offence was committed “knowingly”…
4. This was a major eye-opener for me! The whole of Ezekiel 23 is the story of the rebellious sins and judgements of the two sisters Oholah and Oholibah. The chapter draws to a conclusion with this curious verse: “Thus I will cause lewdness to cease from the land, that all women may be taught not to practice your lewdness.” Ezekiel 23:48
Here is the (summarized) meaning and an explanation of the original Hebrew word for “taught” in this verse. It’s exactly the same word that is used for chastisement.
H3256
Original: יסר
Transliteration: yâsar
Phonetic: yaw-sar’
a) to chasten, discipline, instruct, admonish
b) to let oneself be chastened or corrected or admonished
c) to discipline, correct, to chasten, chastise
Strong’s Definition: A primitive root; to chastise, literally (with blows) or figuratively (with words); hence to instruct: – bind, chasten, chastise, correct, instruct, punish, reform, reprove, sore, teach.
The chapter refers to Samaria and Jerusalem as the two sisters, so the common teaching is that the reference to “all women” in the concluding verses should also be interpreted figuratively (as all tribes/nations). In my opinion, the Lord would not have stated it as such if it was not commonplace already to apply chastisement in order to teach women this/a lesson.
Hope you found this as interesting as I did.
Thank you for your obedience to the Lord in maintaining your site/blog. A great reward awaits you.”
This “daughter of the king” theology (really heresy) has been taught for many years by both conservative and liberal Christian women. And this teaching has been extended to men being taught that “Husbands should treat their wives as daughters of the king”. In other words, husbands should treat their wives as princesses.
In her book “Everyday Princess: Daughter of the King”, Sheila Keckler Butt writes the following:
“Young ladies: Wouldn’t it be awesome to be a real princess… not just for a day… or for a month… but for everyday… forever?! God invites as to be just that, and then gives us the perfect instruction manual for becoming His child and living like a courageous daughter of The King.”
But the truth is that nowhere, not one time in the Scriptures, are Christian women referred to as “Daughters of the King” or as princesses.
Christians Have One Prince and That is Jesus Christ
The Bible calls us “the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:26). And it also says God “predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself” (Ephesians 1:5). So, we as believers are adopted children of God through faith in Jesus Christ – Amen.
The Bible calls us as Christians “a royal priesthood” (1 Peter 2:9) and says that we are citizens of heaven (Philippians 3:20).
But the Bible never ever refers to Christians as princes or princesses. Only Jesus Christ is called a prince in relation to God:
“The God of our fathers raised up Jesus, whom ye slew and hanged on a tree. Him hath God exalted with his right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins.”
Acts 5:30-31 (KJV)
Does the Bible Tell Husbands to Treat their Wives as Daughters of the King or Princesses?
Nowhere does the Bible say what we see on Instagram, Facebook pages or Christian blogs that husbands should treat their wives as “daughters of king” aka princesses. But rather, this is how the Bible actually tells husbands to treat their wives:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
The Bible teaches us that men are to honor their wives as “the weaker vessel” and if their wife is a Christian, they are to honor her as a fellow heir of eternal life. Neither this passage, or any other passage of the Bible tells men to honor their wives as “daughters of the king” or “princesses of God”.
But while the Bible never refers to Christians as princes or princesses it does in fact refer to husbands as the earthly lords (masters) of their wives:
“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”
1 Peter 3:5-6 (KJV)
Conclusion
God has given women an important part to play in his creation plan. He has made woman beautiful for man, to bring man pleasure, to bear and care for his children, to keep his home and submit to and serve him (Song of Solomon 4:7, Proverbs 5:18-19, 1 Timothy 5:14, Ephesians 5:22-24).
The modern “daughter of the king” teaching which is popular among Christian women today is just another way of elevating women to a place God never meant them to be in.
The Bible does not teach that husbands should treat their wives as “daughters of the king” but it does teach women to treat their husbands as their masters (1 Peter 3:5-6).
To listen to hundreds of podcasts about gender roles, masculinity, femininity, courting, marriage and sex all from a Biblical perspective go to BGRLearning.com and subscribe today.
“A wife being submissive does not mean her being a doormat”. This phrase is commonly used even within traditional and conservative Christian circles which promote the submission of wives to their husbands and male headship. But this teaching, that wives should not allow themselves to be doormats for their husbands is totally unbiblical and instead finds its basis in modern humanist teachings.
“A doormat is a small rug placed just inside a doorway where people can wipe their dirty shoes before entering the house. The term doormat is also used figuratively to describe people who allow themselves to be (figuratively) walked on by others; that is, a doormat allows himself or herself to be abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of without mounting a defense. Since Jesus taught us to “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39) and to “do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27), was He telling us to be doormats?
Jesus was not teaching His disciples to be doormats. Rather, He was teaching that, to glorify God and show ourselves to be His true children, we need to be pure inside and out and to be as accommodating as possible for the sake of a lost world. To “turn the other cheek” does not mean we place ourselves or others in danger or that we ignore injustice…
It may appear noble and Christlike when someone allows himself or herself to be used as a doormat, but there could also be a selfish reason behind it. For example, some people allow themselves to be doormats because of their own insecurities and low self-worth. They fear rejection, so they allow their personal boundaries to be violated by others in hopes they will be appreciated and loved. They are trying to gain validation by purchasing it with their compliance, in effect, expecting fallible people to tell them who they are instead of relying on God to do that….
Third, Christians can seek wise counsel about boundary-setting. The Bible is a book of boundaries and consequences. Healthy boundaries make for healthy relationships. The word no is powerful. We need to learn that enabling the sins or irresponsibility of others is not loving; it is self-indulgent. Selfish fear, rooted in a desire for others to love, appreciate, or need us, propels us to rescue those who should experience their own consequences.”
So, what is the synopsis of this false doctrine?
The modern doormat doctrine teaches that no Christian man or woman should allow themselves “to be abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of without mounting a defense” and to tolerate such mistreatment makes one guilty of the sin of being a “doormat”.
According to the Doormat doctrine, in order to avoid the sin of becoming a doormat, a Christian must learn to set boundaries with others and learn the concept that “The word no is powerful”. When one commits the sin of being a doormat, they are “enabling the sins or irresponsibility of others” and engaging in “selfish fear”.
And let’s not kid ourselves. The Doormat doctrine was invented as a result of the influence of feminism in modern churches. It was invented to give power to women that God never meant for them to have. And that is why in most cases, you will see this Doormat doctrine applied to wives in regard to their husbands.
A Little Truth Mixed in With the False Doormat Doctrine
Many false doctrines have at least a little bit of truth in them. This is what gets people to fall for false doctrines. And this is the case with the Doormat doctrine.
First, it is true that is not always wrong for Christians to say no, in fact sometimes it absolutely right to say no and resist wrong doing that is being done against us or others.
In Deuteronomy 22:23-27 God requires that a young woman say no and cry out and resist if a man who is not her husband tries to make her have sex with him. And the Apostles, when told not to preach the Gospel, said in Acts 5:29 “We ought to obey God rather than men”.
In Nehemiah 4:14 the God given right and responsibility of men to fight to defend their wives, their children and their homes is firmly established where it states “fight for your brethren, your sons, and your daughters, your wives, and your houses”.
Even within the Christian church among the Apostles, we see that the Apostle Paul took a strong stand against injustice when he saw the Apostle Peter discriminating against the new Gentile Christians in Galatians 2:11-12:
“11 But when Peter was come to Antioch, I withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed. 12 For before that certain came from James, he did eat with the Gentiles: but when they were come, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing them which were of the circumcision.”
The point is that sometimes we must absolutely say no and take a stand against certain sinful behaviors that are committed against us or against others.
And certainly, we all must set the boundary with others that we will never allow someone to make us do something which God forbids in his law.
The Errors of the False Doormat Doctrine
One of the foundational errors of the modern church’s false Doormat doctrine is that it utterly ignores the relational context of when someone is being “abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of”. But in the Bible, the relational context of when someone is being “abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of” is crucial to understanding what God wants our response to be in that situation.
For instance, if someone is threatening or committing harm against a man, his wife, his children or his property he has the God given right of self-defense (Nehemiah 4:14).
But what about someone who has a master? If they are being “abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of” what does God say they should do in that situation? Should they mount a defense? The answer is given to us in the following passage from 1 Peter 2:18-21:
“18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. 19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. 21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps”
So, what is God’s answer to those who have masters who are froward (cruel and unjust) toward them? Does he tell them to mount a defense? No, but rather he tells them that it is “thankworthy” and “acceptable with God” for them to endure such unjust treatment by their masters and that in doing so they emulate Christ who also suffered unjustly.
And then, immediately after saying this to slaves regarding their masters, he says the following to wives regarding their husbands in 1 Peter 3:1-2 & 5-6:
“1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear…5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement”
When taken together – 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 teaches that those who have masters, whether they be wives or slaves, are commanded to endure cruel and unjust treatment from their masters. And in doing so, those who endure mistreatment at the hands of their masters emulate Christ in his sufferings.
Why 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 Is So Hard for Americans to Accept
1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 is a very difficult passage of the Bible for modern westerners, and especially Americans, to swallow. This passage really takes a sledge hammer to the individualist and humanist ideals which form the foundation for modern American values.
Below is a list of modern American values which 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 contradicts:
No person may be owned by another – to do so makes them a slave and slavery is always immoral under any circumstances.
No person may be controlled or coerced against their will to do something they do not wish to do. (Of course, the humanists make exceptions for parents with children and the government making people do certain things like paying taxes, giving up guns or taking vaccines).
Men and women have equal rights and should have equal opportunities in all areas of society.
No person should ever tolerate abuse from another person, they should always defend themselves against any unjust treatment by others.
The fact is that the Bible does not hold to any of these modern core American beliefs. The Bible explicitly allows the taking of slaves and the concept of human property in Leviticus 25:44-46. The Bible does not condemn slavery, but rather it condemns the unjust taking of slaves in Deuteronomy 24:7 (someone taking one of his fellow citizens and selling them). The Bible also condemns the physical abuse of slaves in Exodus 21:20-21 & 26-27. For more on the subject of slavery from a Biblical perspective see my article “Why Christians Shouldn’t Be Ashamed of slavery in the Bible”.
The Bible also teaches that a person can have a master (be owned) and yet not be slave. This concept is a real head-scratcher for modern Americans but it is very Biblical.
In the passage above from 1 Peter 3:6, God exhorts women to follow the example of Sarah who called her husband “lord”. The Greek word there is ‘Kurios’ which means “master/lord/owner” and throughout the Old Testament it was common for the Hebrew word ‘baal’ meaning “master/lord/owner” to be used in regard to a woman’s husband.
So, both wives and slaves have masters, yet wives are not slaves.
The primary difference in the relationship between masters and their wives and masters and their slaves is that the master of a wife has a much greater set of responsibilities toward his wife than that of a master of a slave. The master of a wife is to love her as Christ does his church and to provide for her and protect her as he does his own body. A master of a wife is to give his body to his wife in the bed. He is to be willing to lay down his life to save hers. He has a responsibility to mold her and teach her how to emulate the church and to be the glorious wife she needs to be. A master of a slave has none of these responsibilities toward his slave. For more on this subject of the Biblical comparison of wives to slaves see my article “8 Biblical Differences Between Wives and Slaves”.
And this is why passages like 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6 is almost impossible for modern Christians to fully comprehend without first understanding that some of our core American values are in fact unbiblical.
But Aren’t Wives Enabling Sin If They Don’t Confront Their Husbands?
This is a very popular aspect of the modern false Doormat doctrine. It teaches that if wives allow their husbands to sin against them by mistreating them that they are enabling their husband’s sin and thus sinning against God themselves in doing so.
But I encourage you to look throughout the Scriptures to find God calling a woman to go to her husband and rebuke him to his face about his sin. You won’t find one passage. Yes, we have Pilot’s wife warning him about a vision she had about Christ in Matthew 27:19 – but that was not a rebuke – it was a plea. And even with Abigail in 1 Samuel 25 when she acted to save her family from her husband’s evil deeds, she did not rebuke her husband to his face.
So, what is so different about the husband/wife relationship which forbids a wife from rebuking her husband? The answer is found in Ephesians 5:22-24:
“22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
The husband/wife relationship is different than any other human relationship. It is a sacred institution created by God. The husband represents God and the wife represents the people of God. For the wife to rebuke her husband would symbolize the church rebuking Christ.
Now some would argue that husbands are not perfect like Christ and that is true. Christ was the only sinless man to ever walk this earth – amen.
But the Biblical prescription for how women should handle sin in their lives of their husbands shows us that even though husbands are sinners, God has not given wives the right to rebuke or chastise their husbands for their sin.
The prescription for how a wife is to handle sin in the life of her husband, whether it is toward her or others, is found in 1 Peter 3:1-2. The wife is to win her husband without a word, by her behavior (that is what conversation means in the KJV translation of 1 Peter 3:1).
However, the situation is very different with a husband in regard to his wife. The Bible tells husbands to love their wives as Christ does his church in Ephesians 5:25 and in Revelation 3:19 Christ says to his churches “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent”. Therefore, we can rightly say that is a sin for a wife to rebuke her husband but on the other hand it is a sin for a husband not to rebuke his wife because the husband and wife have different positions and responsibilities.
Conclusion
The Doormat doctrine, the doctrine that wives should never allow themselves “to be abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of without mounting a defense” is completely contradictory to the Biblical teachings of 1 Peter 2:18 through 1 Peter 3:6.
The Bible says it is “acceptable with God” (1 Peter 2:20) for those with masters, which includes wives, to “endure grief, suffering wrongfully” (1 Peter 2:19). In other words, it is acceptable and honoring to God for wives to be doormats when it comes to their husbands. And in doing so, wives emulate Christ when he suffered unjust treatment.
Rather than rebuking their husbands for each and every offense, 1 Peter 3:1-2 teaches wives to win their husbands without a word by their behavior which includes their pure actions, their submission and their reverence toward their husbands.
Can and should Christian wives have any boundaries with their husbands? Yes.
Not all forms of abuse must be taken by Christian wives. The prohibition against masters abusing their slaves from Exodus 21:20-21 & 26-27 absolutely applies to masters (husbands) of wives. And women can be freed from their husbands if their husbands do anything that risks serious bodily harm to them. Women can also take actions to defend themselves and their children against imminent harm that their husband’s actions pose against them or their children as Abigail did in 1 Samuel 25.
Women can and should establish the boundary with their husbands that they will never do anything which God forbids in his Word. That means if a husband asks his wife to engage in a threesome with their neighbor or asks her to help him rob a bank, she must respectfully decline in obedience to God which is her higher authority.
This really is the big difference between the Doormat doctrine and what the Bible teaches. The Doormat doctrine teaches that wives should not tolerate any abusive behavior from their husbands, while the Bible teaches that women should tolerate most kinds of abuse but not all abuse from their husbands.
And a final note on husbands and their sin. Many will ask – “If a wife cannot confront her husband on his sin than who can?” And then answer is other men. Whether it be fellow male church members, his brothers, his wife’s brothers, his father or his wife’s father other men absolutely have a right and responsibility to confront one another about their sinful treatment of their wives.
Many women today believe it is absolutely righteous for them to be jealous of their husbands. And they are even backed in their jealousy toward their husbands by many modern Christian preachers, teachers and counselors.
But such a teaching, that it is right for women to be jealous over their husbands, is found nowhere in the Scriptures. In fact, the Scriptures show the very opposite.
A woman entertaining and acting upon jealous feelings toward her husband is a sin because her jealousy is a complete rejection of God’s design of the masculine sexual nature and God’s allowance for polygamy.
A Husband’s Jealousy Over His Wife Is Righteous
In Ezekiel 16:38 (KJV) we read “And I will judge thee, as women that break wedlock and shed blood are judged; and I will give thee blood in fury and jealousy”. A husband’s possessive jealousy over his wife images God’s jealousy over his wife Israel and it is a righteous and holy type of jealousy.
The Husband Exclusively Owns His Wife, the Wife Does Not Own Her Husband
The Bible says the following in Deuteronomy 22:22 (KJV):
“If a man be found lying with a woman married [Hebrew: “baal” as pronoun – “owned”] to an husband [Hebrew: “baal” as noun “Master/Owner”], then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.”
This principle of the husband’s mastery over his wife is reinforced in the New Testament as well in 1 Peter 3:5-6 (KJV):
“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord [Greek “kurios” Master/Owner]: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”
In the Scriptures, for a woman to be married means for her to owned by a husband. He owns her, she does not own him. This is why the Bible allows husbands to have more than one wife (Polygyny),but forbids wives to have more than one husband (Polyandry). Regarding men taking second wives the Scriptures state the following:
“If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish”
Exodus 21:10 (KJV)
The Bible uses two different words for ownership. The Greek Word “heautou” always means exclusive ownership while the Greek word “idios” can mean someone being owned by another or someone having shared access to someone or something. Consider these uses of “idios”:
“For Jesus himself testified, that a prophet hath no honour in his own [idios] country.”
John 4:44 (KJV)
“Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own [idios] master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.”
Romans 14:4 (KJV)
Now let’s consider the following New Testament passage which so many Pastors today wrongly teach as husbands and wives mutually owning one another:
“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own [heautou] wife, and let every woman have her own [idios] husband.”
1 Corinthians 7:2 (KJV)
When we consider the fact that the husband is the master and owner of his wife and the fact that God uses the word for exclusive ownership – “heautou” – when it comes to a man’s ownership over his wife – yet he uses the word idios which when used with masters means the very opposite – “owned” we see a very different picture than what is told to us in many pulpits today.
But while the husband is his wife’s master, she is not his slave. She is his wife. Exodus 21:10 as well as 1 Corinthians7:3-5 show us that a wife is to have shared access to her husband’s provision, protection and his body in the bed.
Many Christian women today comfort themselves in their possessive jealousy over their husbands by saying “God only made one wife for the first man”. Yet they ignore the fact that God made the second man marry his sister.
The fact is in order to understand God’s full design for marriage we must look at the complete revelation of God from Genesis to Revelation. Only when we do this will we will then understand that a man having one wife as well as a man marrying his sister were temporary. That later in the law of Moses God would take away his temporary allowance for sibling marriage while at the same time expanding on his allowance for polygamy. And God never removed his allowance for polygamy in the New Testament no matter how much many Christians would like to believe he did.
The evidence is all over the Bible – women do NOT have a right to be possessively jealous over their husbands but husbands absolutely have a right to be possessively jealous over their wives.
A wife’s jealousy over her husband’s thoughts or glancing at other women or liking certain actresses in movies or TV can cause a lot of problems in marriage. It is only when a wife’s sinful jealousy is confronted by both herself and her husband that men can be free to exercise their full masculine nature.
And what does a husband fully exercising his masculine polygynous nature look like? Does it mean he runs out and gets another wife? In most cases the answer is no – he is not going to do that. In 21st century America, it is rare for husbands to act on their right to take additional wives. It is a difficult life not only for financial reasons but also because of our societal condemnation of polygamy.
But here is what a man being free to fully exercise his God give masculine polygynous sexual nature will most likely look like. He won’t go out and get another wife – but he may ask his wife to engage in sexual role play acting like she is another woman. He might feel free to watch movies and TV shows with actresses he likes where before he would worry about incurring the jealous rage of his wife. He won’t have to look at the ground when he goes to the mall or especially the beach because he is afraid his wife might see him enjoying the beauty of other women around him.
Possessive Jealousy Verses Envious Jealousy
As I have shown throughout this article, possessive jealousy by a woman toward her husband is always wrong because this kind of jealousy reflects a rejection of God’s design of masculinity and marriage. But there is another type of jealousy, envious jealousy, which God was attempting to provoke in his wife Israel. In the context of speaking about his first wife Israel (whom he divorced for adultery) God said this about his new bride the Church:
“I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.” Romans 11:11 (KJV)
God in taking the church (a new spiritual body made up of believing Jews and Gentiles) was seeking to provoke his old wife (ethnic Jews – Israel) to envious jealousy. His goal is for the Jews who rejected him to see how well he treats the church so that Israel (ethnic Jews collectively) will one day want him back as her husband. And this is a way that wives can totally transform their possessive jealousy into an envious jealousy that drives them to be better wives to their husbands.
But to explain how women can do this I need to first give a brief review of love in marriage.
A husband’s love for his wife in the form of his leadership, provision, and protection towards her is unconditional. She does not have to earn that – he committed these things to her on the day he took her as his wife.
But most women confuse Agape love (committed love) with Phileo love (feelings love) and Eros love (sexual love). A woman does not have earn her husband’s committed love, but she very much has to earn his Phileo and Eros love by what she does toward him.
This is why the Bible commands that husbands are to be ravished (sexually intoxicated) by their wives in Proverbs 5:19. And this command requires the participation of both the husband and the wife. A husband cannot be ravished by a prudish wife and a wife cannot ravish a husband who ignores her attempts to ravish him.
So here is how women can transform their possessive jealousy into an envious jealously which fuels positive change in their marriage. Instead of being mad at him for checking out that woman in the mall – the ravishing wife takes what she saw and offers to role play being that woman in bed with her husband at home. Or maybe she sees some sexual acts in a movie her and her husband are watching and sees that he likes it – maybe later than evening or another night she seeks to recreate what they saw that he likes.
My point is that a woman’s jealousy can be used for good or for evil. And women should redirect and harness their jealousy for the good of their husbands and their marriages.
Why keep speaking on Polygamy?
A lot of my traditional Christian followers write me wishing I would stop talking about Biblical polygamy. It makes them uncomfortable.
I consider myself a traditional Christian. But unlike many traditional Christians today, my traditional beliefs are not based in 1950s American values.
My beliefs are based upon traditional values which started with the teachings and law God gave to Moses more than 3500 years ago.
And I fully recognize the progressive revelation of God and the fact that in the New Testament the Civil and Ceremonial laws of Israel are replaced with the new law of Christ. But the moral law of the Old Testament remains and acceptance of it is crucial for us to understand God’s view of marriage and sexuality.
Go to BGRLearning.com to listen to hundreds of podcasts on topics such as gender roles, marriage and sexuality from a Biblical perspective.
3000 years ago, the Bible declared in Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” In other words, long before feminism infested and poisoned every part of our modern society it was hard for a man to find a woman who thought and acted as God wants wives to.
So why was it hard even 3000 years ago for a man to find a virtuous woman? The answer is one word – sin. Sin corrupts the perfect masculine and feminine human natures that God created in Eden.
Sin corrupts us both mentally and physically. It also corrupts us differently as men and women. Sin is why we get sick and why we age and it is why we will eventually die. It is why people have mental illnesses including issues with depression and anxiety.
Women tend to suffer from some common corruptions of their feminine natures by sin. Women typically are affected by depression and anxiety issues at a much higher rate then men are.
God created women as feelings-based beings, rather than duty-based beings as men are. And sin corrupts the emotions of women causing them to fail in their duties as wives, mothers and keepers of their homes.
This is why the vast majority of women need their husband to love them as Christ loves his church by washing their spots and wrinkles, teaching them, rebuking them and chastening them in order for them to become the glorious wives God wants them to be.
Single Christian men – the Scriptures declare that it is nearly impossible to find a woman who will come to you prepackaged as a good wife. If you are looking for a woman that has everything in her life together, is disciplined and has her emotions completely in control you may find yourself one day being a 40-year-old virgin.
Are there single women who are not yet everything a good wife should be? Women who love God, believe they must live by his Word, believe in male headship, believe in women being keepers at home and aspire to become good wives one day with their help of their husbands and God? Yes. And those are the women Christian men should be looking for.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”
Ephesians 5:25-27 (KJV)
Virtuous women are rarely found that way. It is only after years of washing, teaching, rebuking and chastening by their husbands that that most women achieve this noble status.
Would you like to listen to hundreds of podcasts about what the Bible says regarding masculinity, femininity, courtship, marriage, sex in marriage and many other gender related topics?
The Bible commands that husbands are to be ravished by their wives in Proverbs 5:19. To fulfill this command of God requires the participation of both the husband and the wife. Simply put, a man cannot be ravished by an un-ravishing wife.
Thankfully, the Bible not only gives the command that husbands are to be ravished by their wives, but it also provides an entire book of the Bible with examples of erotic behavior that teaches wives how to ravish their husbands.
The Song of Solomon is a book of erotic poetry which uses ancient middle eastern euphemisms to describe not only the bodies of the husband and wife but also sexual acts which the two lovers want to do with each other.
In this three-part podcast series, I first talk about WHY God wants women to become ravishing wives and then I give a very detailed guide from the sexual euphemisms of the Song of Solomon for HOW women can become ravishing wives.
I also talk about the six sexual categories of wives – the frigid, the submissive, the romantic, the nympho, the manipulative and the ravishing. And I explain why only one of these categories of wives is following God’s template for sex in marriage. A woman first needs to determine what category she is starting from before she can make the necessary changes to become the wife she needs to be to her husband in the sexual arena.
TRIGGER WARNING: This series will be extremely offensive to those who adhere to the modern feminine romantic view of sex. It will also be offensive to some traditional Christians who think the quality of sex in marriage is unimportant and we need not as Christians discuss such matters in so great detail.
Click on the link in my bio to subscribe to BGRLearning.com and listen to this 3-part series on how to become a ravishing wife. My podcast site also has hundreds of other podcasts related to gender roles, marriage and sex.
This series is also available for single women as well to help them prepare for how to become ravishing wives once they marry.
In this new article I wrote for BiblicalSexology.com, I tackle the common but false interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7:2 which states “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband”. For decades, to appease our post-feminist culture, this passage has been used to teach the false doctrine of the sexual equality of husbands and wives in marriage.
In this article I prove from the original Greek language of 1 Corinthians 7:2 as well as other Scripture passages on the relationship of the husband toward his wife, that the husband and wife do NOT exclusively own one another sexually. The husband has exclusive sexual ownership over his wife, the wife does not have this over her husband. I show that this passage does not prohibit polygamy, but rather it allows it.
And I also show why the common false interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7:2 is part of a larger effort to elevate a woman’s power over her husband, something God never gave her.
Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines a “teacher’s pet” as “a pupil who has won the teacher’s special favor”. And this is what every wife should strive for, to be her husband’s pet, his student who has won his special favor.
The Bible teaches that a woman is not only to regard her husband as her head (Eph 5:23) and her master (1 Peter 3:6) but also as her teacher.
The Bible says this of wives in 1 Corinthians 14:35:
“And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.”
And 1 Peter 3:1-2 teaches wives to win their husbands with their subjection, their reverence and overall good behavior.
The husband is to be his wife’s teacher. Her worldview should be shaped by his teachings. And the wife is to be the teacher’s pet.
This requires a woman to humble herself and rid herself of the pride that this modern post feminist world fills women with.
I just released a brand new podcast to my podcast site BGRLearning.com. “His Image Our Purpose” is a completely new version of the first podcast series I did for my podcast site. This time instead of it being 12 parts, it is one – one hour condensed podcast. I talk about the two most important doctrines in the Bible in this podcast – the doctrine of the Gospel first, and then the doctrine of Biblical gender roles.
I have made this part of the free area of my podcast site – you don’t have to subscribe to listen. You can listen for free to this podcast here.
Biblical Gender Roles 