The Bible commands that husbands are to be ravished by their wives in Proverbs 5:19. To fulfill this command of God requires the participation of both the husband and the wife. Simply put, a man cannot be ravished by an un-ravishing wife.
Thankfully, the Bible not only gives the command that husbands are to be ravished by their wives, but it also provides an entire book of the Bible with examples of erotic behavior that teaches wives how to ravish their husbands.
The Song of Solomon is a book of erotic poetry which uses ancient middle eastern euphemisms to describe not only the bodies of the husband and wife but also sexual acts which the two lovers want to do with each other.
In this three-part podcast series, I first talk about WHY God wants women to become ravishing wives and then I give a very detailed guide from the sexual euphemisms of the Song of Solomon for HOW women can become ravishing wives.
I also talk about the six sexual categories of wives – the frigid, the submissive, the romantic, the nympho, the manipulative and the ravishing. And I explain why only one of these categories of wives is following God’s template for sex in marriage. A woman first needs to determine what category she is starting from before she can make the necessary changes to become the wife she needs to be to her husband in the sexual arena.
TRIGGER WARNING: This series will be extremely offensive to those who adhere to the modern feminine romantic view of sex. It will also be offensive to some traditional Christians who think the quality of sex in marriage is unimportant and we need not as Christians discuss such matters in so great detail.
Click on the link in my bio to subscribe to BGRLearning.com and listen to this 3-part series on how to become a ravishing wife. My podcast site also has hundreds of other podcasts related to gender roles, marriage and sex.
This series is also available for single women as well to help them prepare for how to become ravishing wives once they marry.
Biblical Gender Roles 
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Many traditional/highly conservative women believe that their prime purpose in life is to marry and have children and are willing to submit completely in all areas of their life, surrendering their identity, dreams to build a life with their husbands. Their whole life is completely devoted to pleasing and fulfilling his wishes. She builds every area of her life keeping him at the center. (This maybe rare in the West but is more common in eastern cultures for women to do so). You may think it odd but many women who are abused and beaten by their husbands, still fall at their feet(literally) and wouldn’t dare cross him in public or even ‘respectfully disagree’. They follow him and obey him regardless. Such is the devotion of a traditional minded women (they are rare here as well.. But can be found).
But such women(particularly young women who are virgins/newly married) have deep insecurities around sex and their bodies. They tend to be passive and shy in this area but submit anyway to the sexual act to please their husbands knowing it is their duty to do so. For some women, the normal sexual act itself is very difficult to experience due to multiple reasons – he could be a stranger,it could be painful, she was brought up with puritanical notions of sex where she links her moral worth with concealing her sexual desires. Such women, submit to the basic sex act out of fear, reverence and a sense of obligation alone. Although she feels uncomfortable, insecure and as if her sexual purity (which she has been brought up to believe is her ultimate worth) is being violated… She dutifully submits to the act knowing it is her marital duty, bearing and sacrificially accepting to engage in the act.
Just like feminism made women discontented with a traditional lifestyle – where marriage and family are the key priorities for her… Where she devotes her life to her husband and children. Where she is completely dependant on her husband for his protection and guidance. She instead started wanting more..
I think something similar has happened with regard to what men want sexually in women due to a porn-saturated culture. They started wanting more and more bizarre sex acts from their wives/partners to feel affection towards them.This wasn’t always the case. For most part of our history men felt deep affection towards a woman just for allowing him to penetrate her,and bearing her breasts to him(even when done only out of duty and reverence and not necessarily her own desire).because, for most part in history young girls in their early teens with no developed sexuality of their own were married and men found it perfectly normal to enjoy a girl who held still, submitted to him out of fear and reverence. The women who were most desirable by used to be demure, sexually innocent, virgin women.. That is no longer the case where men desire absurd levels of sexual adventure in women which is extremely unnatural, uncomfortable for most traditionally brought up women.
I think if men want a woman who is traditional and so conservative that she gives her whole life to her husband’s service… Then he should be aware that she will likely be a woman who is merely submissive during the sex act and prefers to be the passive partner.
I am not saying that the traditional understanding of sex that i have been talking about is ideal or the right understanding of sex… All i am saying is that traditional women would likely be passive during sex and do it out of a sense of duty. It would be very difficult to shake those puritanical notions out of her although they can work on it.
All i am saying is that you said men feel affection for their women, only after she performs a sex act that is not the typical missionary pvi. I am saying men should feel deep affection for their wives(especially if they have a traditional, conservative upbringing and are uptight about sex)even when she is just passive during sex and allows penetration out of obligation and reverence… Know that it was difficult for her to silently submit, spread her legs and allow penetration;but she did it anyway to please her husband – even though with every fibre of her being, she feels like she is doing something wrong. When she bares her breasts to him;she feels shy and so exposed and vulnerable – but she does it anyway to please and fulfill the desires of her husband. Shouldn’t this be sufficient for a man to feel affection towards his wife? Instead of making her feel like she cannot please him unless she does other more extreme sex acts.
If a woman has decided to marry a man to be his helper to serve and obey him, then isn’t it fair that the man should also compromise on some of his particular desires to realize that she has devoted her whole life to him, she will respect and honor him. So she may not quite be the sex toy in the bedroom he was hoping for but he can still develop deep affection and love for her when he sees her sexually submitting herself to him.
Of course he could still command her to perform or demand submission or even hold her and physically force/humble her to do any act that he pleases, discipline her to accept any act that he wants… Because that is his authority and he can use it as he pleases… I am just saying that maybe in light of how some women think about sex… The husband can learn to be more understanding and try to be satisfied with her sexual submission (it maybe passive, but she still does it out of deep reverence, obedience toward her husband) and love and have affection for her.
Pearl,
You are confusing the two kinds of love in marriage. There is the agape love (actions of love taken toward another based on choice to do those things and not feelings) and then phileo love (feelings of affection and actions which flow from those feelings of affection). Even the actions of agape love itself are different depending on the relationship to the one upon which they are exercised. A father’s actions of agape love toward his children will look different than a husband’s actions of agape love toward his wife.
A man can and should do kind things toward his wife (acts of agape love) no matter what she does toward him. But his affection, his feelings of passion and desire toward her, that must be won by her. And that is why the Bible commands women to “win” their husbands in 1 Peter 3:1-2 and it also commands that men are to be intoxicated by their wives in Proverbs 5:19 – which requires the husband seeking intoxication from her and her doing things to intoxicate him.
There are many aspects of traditional and conservative living that are good and very much match what the Bible says are the roles of husbands and wives. But there are some traditional behaviors that do not match the Bible and we need to seperate those out and recognize them.
Yes a woman can please her husband to an extent by just spreading her legs. But pleasing him and intoxicating him are two very different things, and the Bible commands the latter. And no this does not come from porn in our society – that is a scapegoat many conservatives run to for too many things today.
I talk about this in this podcast. Many traditional women stop at just being a submissive wife in the bedroom and then never rise to the level of being a ravishing wife in the bedroom – and they want their husbands to settle for just what you are saying.
God’s standard for femininity is far higher than our modern standard – even our modern traditional standards. God does not just want women to be submissive wives, he wants them to be ravishing wives.