16 Ways to Instill Biblical Masculinity in your Sons

Teach your son that God is his ultimate example of masculinity

“For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.” – I Corinthians 11:7 (NASB)

Teach your son to be strong in mind and body

“I am going the way of all the earth. Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man.” – I Kings 2:2 (NASB)

“A wise man is strong, and a man of knowledge increases power.” – Proverbs 24:5 (NASB)

“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” – I Corinthians 16:13 (NASB)

Teach your son to be brave

“Therefore, keep up your courage, men” – Acts 27:25 (NASB)

“But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul.” – Hebrews 10:39 (NASB)

Teach your son to be a leader

“The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” – Proverbs 12:26 (NASB)

Teach your son to listen to wise counsel

“A wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel” – Proverbs 1:5 (NASB)

“Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory.” – Proverbs 11:14 (NASB)

Teach your son to be a man of integrity

“A righteous man who walks in his integrity— How blessed are his sons after him.” – Proverbs 20:7 (NASB)

“A good name is to be more desired than great wealth, favor is better than silver and gold.” – Proverbs 22:1 (NASB)

“The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the crookedness of the treacherous will destroy them.” – Proverbs 11:3 (NASB)

Teach your son to channel his competitive and aggressive nature but do not suppress it

“Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle” – Psalm 144:1 (NASB)

“Fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.” – Nehemiah 4:14 (NASB)

Teach your son to channel his anger but do not suppress it

“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” – Ephesians 4:26 (NASB)

“Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit.” – Proverbs 25:28 (NASB)

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.” – Proverbs 16:32 (NASB)

Teach your son to channel his sexuality but do not suppress it

“Your head crowns you like Carmel, and the flowing locks of your head are like purple threads;

The king is captivated by your tresses.

“How beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms!

“Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters.”

”I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree,
I will take hold of its fruit stalks.’
Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
And the fragrance of your breath like apples,
And your mouth like the best wine!” – Song of Solomon 7:5-9 (NASB)

Teach your son to defend the weak

“Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow.” – Isaiah 1:17 (NASB)

“Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.” – Proverbs 31:9 (NASB)

“Moses was educated in all the learning of the Egyptians, and he was a man of power in words and deeds…  And when he saw one of them being treated unjustly, he defended him and took vengeance for the oppressed by striking down the Egyptian.” – Acts 7:22 & 24 (NASB)

Teach your son to not be manipulated by women’s sexual charms

“For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; And reproofs for discipline are the way of life to keep you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. Do not desire her beauty in your heart, nor let her capture you with her eyelids. For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread, and an adulteress hunts for the precious life.” – Proverbs 6:23-26 (NASB)

Teach your son the value of hard work

“Man goes forth to his work and to his labor until evening.” Psalm 104:23 (NASB)

“Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before obscure men.” – Proverbs 22:29 (NASB)

“He who gathers in summer is a son who acts wisely, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who acts shamefully.” – Proverbs 10:5 (NASB)

“Here is what I have seen to be good and fitting: to eat, to drink and enjoy oneself in all one’s labor in which he toils under the sun during the few years of his life which God has given him; for this is his reward.” – Ecclesiastes 5:18 (NASB)

“Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established.” – Proverbs 16:3 (NASB)

“He also who is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys.” – Proverbs 18:9 (NASB)

“Prepare your work outside and make it ready for yourself in the field; Afterwards, then, build your house.” – Proverbs 24:27 (NASB)

“The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, but everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty.” – Proverbs 21:5 (NASB)

“In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” – Proverbs 14:23 (NASB)

Teach your son to value and seek out a wife and have a family

“Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NASB)

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” – Proverbs 18:22 (NASB)

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30 (NASB)

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them” – Psalm 127:3-5 (NASB)

Teach your son that men provide for and protect their women and children

“When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are undisturbed.” – Luke 11:21 (NASB)

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,  so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.  So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;  for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,  because we are members of His body.” – Ephesians 5:25-28 (NASB)

“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, and the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous.” – Proverbs 13:22 (NASB)

Teach your son to show proper respect for authority

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” – Exodus 20:10 (NASB)

“Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right.” – I Peter 2:13-14 (NASB)

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.” – Hebrews 13:17 (NASB)

Teach your son to show proper honor to women

“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” – I Peter 3:7 (NASB)

Fairfax County Public Schools to teach children they can be any gender they want

Apparently we can are no longer born male or female, but we actually choose over our lifetime what gender we want to be.  At least that is what one of the largest school systems in the country will start teaching its students.

These are some things the students will now be taught:

“Students will be provided definitions for sexual orientation terms heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality; and the gender identity term transgender,” the district’s recommendations state. “Emphasis will be placed on recognizing that everyone is experiencing changes and the role of respectful, inclusive language in promoting an environment free of bias and discrimination”

“Individual identity will also be described as having four parts – biological gender, gender identity (includes transgender), gender role, and sexual orientation (includes heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual).”

I agree with what Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council said:

“The larger picture is this is really an attack on nature itself – the created order…

Human beings are created male and female. But the current transgender ideology goes way beyond that. They’re telling us you can be both genders, you can be no gender, you can be a gender that you make up for yourself. And we’re supposed to affirm all of it.”

The full article from Fox News can be found here

 

Is God more like man, more like woman, or a combination of the two?

IsGodBothMaleFemale

Does Genesis 1:27 tell us that “God created both man and woman equally in his image” as we are so often told by Christian Feminists, Egalitarians and even many conservative Bible teachers? Does this passage or the surrounding passages show that God split his attributes between man and woman – so that only together do they form the true image of God?

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

Genesis 1:27(KJV)

Every Word of the Bible is important, that is one of the tenants of our faith. I don’t want to lose you with technicalities, so we will look at the two most important words in this key passage of Scripture which will help to set the tone for this discussion. The words are “man” and “him”.

A Quick Bible History Lesson

The Old Testament was originally written in the Hebrew language. One of the words translated as “man” comes from the Hebrew word “adam”. “adam” is both the name of the first man, as well as a word used to reference all of mankind (all humanity, men and women). In Genesis 1:27, the Hebrew word here is “adam”.

Is the “adam” of Genesis 1:27 referring to “mankind” (all human beings) or is it referring particularly to Adam, and the male gender of humanity?

The exact Hebrew phrase here is eth haa-‘adam. “eth” literally means “this same”, and “haa” is similar to our English word “the”. Literally this phrase could be “this same man” or “the same man”. In any case, it refers very particularly to Adam, not mankind in general. This is why it is correct that that translators accurately add the phrase “created he him”. The “him” here, refers to a particular person – to Adam.

But What About “male and female created he them”?

The phrase “male and female created he them”, refers to the fact that God created both man and woman. It does not mean that he created them at the same time or that he created them both in his image. We can clearly see that this is not the case from Genesis chapter 2 when Eve was created from Adam’s rib.

Woman Made in the Image of God But is Not the Image of God

God gave the following command to Noah after the flood as part of his Noahic Covenant:

Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.” –  Genesis 9:6 (KJV)

This passage is different from Genesis 1:27 in that there is no qualifier saying this is talking about about a particular man – that being Adam.   The context of this passage indicates that “man” in this passage represents all people, all of mankind which includes both men and women.  So while Genesis 1:27 does not specifically say woman was created in God’s image, Genesis 9:6 does in say she was.

If this was the last revelation from God on how he created men and women then we might conclude that man and woman were created in God’s image in the same way or equally.

However, in the New Testament the Apostle Paul is given divine commentary from God on the Genesis account where he states:

For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.” – I Corinthians 11:7 (KJV)

The Greek word translated as “man” in this passage above is “male”.  So it in its most literal form it is saying “For the MALE indeed out not to cover his head, for as much as he is the image and glory of God, but the FEMALE is the glory of MALE”.

Genesis 1:27 says the particular man, Adam was created in God’s image and that God made both male and female human beings.  Genesis 9:6 says that God created all mankind in his image, including men and women, and this is why it is wrong to murder and this is why all human life has special value to God.  But then I Corinthians 11:7 states that the male is the image and glory of God but the female is the glory of the male.   So how do we harmonize all of these statements about men and women being created in the image of God?

The answer is the word “is“.  Look Genesis 9:6 and I Corinthians 11:7 again compared side by with the special emphasis I show below:

Genesis 9:6 (KJV) Corinthians 11:7 (KJV)
“Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God MADE he man.” “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he IS the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.”

Both man and woman were MADE in the image of God, but only man IS the image God.  that is a fundamental truth of the Scriptures.  But what is this difference that the Scriptures are communicating between “made” and “is”.   I think the best way to describe this is to look at the table below illustrating the characteristics of God’s image in both men and women.

The word “characteristic” can be used as both a noun and an adjective.   When used in as a noun a characteristic describes something that is a distinguishing trait or something that is an integral part of something or someone.  When used as adjective is refers to something that is typical of something or someone.

So if we look at the characteristics of God in the above table we can see in the middle the characteristics that both man and woman share with God.  These characteristics of self-awareness, speech, creativity, morality and emotions are what separate man and woman from the animals.

So when God says in Genesis 9:6 that mankind, both men and women, were made in the image of God it is these shared attributes of humanity to which God is referring. And it is these attributes of God’s image that gives value to every single human life.

But if you look at the chart above again you will notice something else.

While male human beings do not have all the characteristics of God in that they lack God’s deity characteristics there is nothing that is characteristic of Man that is not also characteristic of God.  The same cannot said for female human beings.  There are many traits that are characteristic of women that are not characteristic of God.

And this is why we can rightly say based upon the Word of God that while both man and woman were MADE in the image of God that only man IS the image of God.

Some may contend that that God can demonstrate some of the qualities of the feminine human nature as well.  For instance God will sometimes act in empathetic ways.  Others will point to Christ’s submission to the Father or Christ’s gentleness in some situations.

But if we look at men, can  even the most masculine man sometimes act in ways that are more typical for feminine behavior? Do men sometimes show empathy? Yes.  Do men sometimes cry as women do? Yes.  Can men be gentle and caring as women are sometimes? Yes.  But the question is this – is this behavior typical for men or characteristic of men?  The answer is no.

In the same way God may act in more feminine ways at times but this is the exception and not characteristic or typical of his behavior.

The truth of God’s Word is that while man and woman were both made in the image of God, it is the masculine human nature which more closely represents the image and character of God.

Why Does This Matter?

Some will continue to reject what I have shown here from the Word of God, even though it is plainly in front of them. They will reject 99 percent of references to God in the masculine sense, and cling to those 1% of references to God that seem to be indicating a feminine sense.

But others who may accept this on face value, still might ask – “why does it matter if God’s image is more accurately represented in “masculine humanity” than in “feminine humanity”?

We don’t teach this belief to belittle women, or to say that men have more value to God than women. If any person is reading that into my words here, I have said no such thing. Every human being, whether they are male or female, have equal value to God. In fact in I Peter 3:7, men are commanded to honor their wives as “the weaker vessel” and we are told in Ephesians 6:2 to honor our mothers.

But understanding that God’s image is best reflected in that of masculine humanity, and not as well in feminine humanity is very important.

Today masculinity has come under massive attack because of modern feminism and egalitarianism, men are constantly called to be more like women. But would any Christian leaders today have the courage to say women ought to try and emulate men more?

How Should Women Try to Emulate the Image of God in Men More?

By “emulate men more”, I don’t mean women need to start dressing or acting exactly like men – we already have way too much that today! What I mean is that women ought to try and emulate the sense of duty that many men have, rather than living their lives completely by their feelings.

  1. Do your duty toward God, even when you don’t feel like it, or don’t feel his presence.
  2. Do your duty toward your husband, even when you don’t feel like it, or perhaps don’t feel an emotional connection with him.
  3. Do your duties as mother toward your children, even when you do not feel like doing them, and even when you don’t feel appreciated by your children.
  4. Do your duties toward your home, and keep up your home even when you don’t feel like it.

God’s Love is More Often Seen as a Love Founded in a Commitment of the Will, a Duty

When the Bible famously says in I John 4:8, that “God is love” it is literally saying God is “Agape”.

Agape love is a love of the will, of duty and commitment, and this is the way that God’s love is most often described, it is not a love based in emotion. It is the strongest kind of love, and an unconditional kind of love. The emotional type of love, Philia love, is used far less to describe the kind of love God has towards us, or that we are to have toward God.

This is another way in which women should try to emulate men more. Women most often love based on feelings, or how others make them feel. Men more often love from a sense of will, duty and commitment, this is the driving force of how God loves us. A woman should try to emulate this Agape love that men usually possess more naturally than women often do.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying women need to become exactly like men, God created women with the natures they have for a reason. God purposefully made woman both emotionally weaker and physically weaker (“the weaker vessel”) so that he could demonstrate his strength in woman’s weakness.

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I Corinthians 12:9(KJV)

Just as God made all of humanity(both men and women), weaker than him, so that he could demonstrate his strength and glory in us, so too woman was made weaker than man, so that man could exercise the image of God within him, by being a strength for her.

Conclusion

I hope as both men and women, we will all seek to emulate God more each day in our lives. The battle with our sin and pride will never end until God takes us out of these sin cursed bodies. As Christians, we ought to honor true and Biblical masculine qualities, and not belittle them or engage in the misandry(hatred of all things male) that we too often see today in our TV shows, books and schools. But in our honoring of true Biblical masculinity, we ought never to dishonor women, but continue to honor them as the “weaker vessel” as the Apostle Peter commanded us to do.

How should Christian women respond to their men looking at other women? Part 3

Guylooking2

In part 1 of this series, we established that men look and many women get jealous, hurt or angry. In part 2 we established that man has a polygynous nature both from biology and from Biblical example. In this final part of this three part series, we will look at how a Christian woman should alter her responses based on this knowledge of the men in her life (sons, brothers, husbands).

I realize a lot of Christian women – mothers, wives, sisters and daughters are reading this with smoke coming out their ears. Let me try and set your mind at ease, the best that I can.

All whore-mongers look, but most lookers do not engage in whore-mongering.

For most men look they may have found discreet ways to do it over the years so that you won’t notice but make no mistake they still look.

The Christian men that don’t look do so either because they are asexual (not attracted to women or men), have homosexual tendencies (so there not looking at you ladies, but they are looking elsewhere) or they have had it drilled into their head since they were young that it is a sin for them to enjoy the site of beautiful women other than their wife after they are married.

This last group of Christian men have been “brainwashed” of sorts, to be at war continually with their God given nature to appreciate female beauty.

I hear and read all the time from women who have had experience with a whore-mongering husband and they say things like “It was because he was looking at other women, and I never put a stop to it”.

While it breaks the heart of God when any man engages in whore-mongering the truth is that he did not engage in whore-mongering simply because he allowed himself to look at and enjoy the beauty of other women. He engaged in whore-mongering because he allowed the sin of covetousness to grow and take root in his heart and then he acted on it.

Another thing I want to mention here is – I am not giving men a complete free pass, please read the ending section I have speaking to Christian men about this issue of looking at other women.

But before I get to the men, Christian wife – you have a decision to make.

Instead of having these attitudes toward your husband:

whatdoyouthinkyourlooking

WhyDoTheyHaveToLook

menarepigs

Christian wife – Perhaps you would consider having these attitudes instead:

WomanAcceptingGod'sDesign

“My husband was built by God with the capacity to be attracted to, and to love multiple women, but he has chosen to only have one wife and that is me. I have absolutely no right to be jealous of the fact that my husband finds other women attractive in addition to me. I won’t give him a hard time for enjoying the site of beautiful women around him, as long as he doesn’t purposefully make it obvious, or compare me to other women or flirt with them as he has taken a pledge to make me his one and only wife.

I realize that because I am his one and only wife – I need to work that much harder to meet his needs for visual beauty by keeping myself beautiful and dressing in ways that are attractive to him”

The old adage “Men marry women hoping they will never change, and women marry men hoping that they will” is just as true for Christian woman as it is for others. Will you accept your husband as God has made him? Or will you continue to put him in the box you would have him in?

Christian Moms and sisters – don’t shame your son’s for their natural masculine attraction to female beauty. You may never fully understand it, but you need to honor it in the same way that men should honor the feminine nature with which God has designed woman.

Instead allow their fathers to help them experience the beauty of their masculinity, within the bounds of God’s law. In the last section coming up, I will discuss what men (including fathers) need to understand about expressing, experiencing their God-given male sexuality in a proper way, that does not dishonor God or women.

A final note to the Christian men reading this

Young business man enjoying the fresh air on a sunny day

Yes it is completely natural, part of God’s original design for you to look. It is perfectly natural, normal and not sinful for you to be aroused by the site of beautiful women around you, and no that does not stop when you get married! Many men falsely think this to be the case, but not long after they are married(sometimes 5 minutes afterwards), a beautiful woman walks by and their head turns – they immediately turn it back and wonder “why did I just do that? I love my wife and she is so beautiful to me!” The reason brothers in Christ is, you have a polygynous nature.

Many men don’t even realize they have a polygynous nature, or they simply dismiss these instances as part of their sin nature, because they have been conditioned from an early age to do so. They have never looked at Scriptures closely, or questioned anything they have been taught.

So to you man who thought it was wrong to look at beautiful women, other than you wife, I invite you to check out and truly research the evidences I have provide for you here, both from a biological standpoint, as well as Biblical standpoint. If after that God has convinced you that what I am saying is right, that he has freed you from the shackles of feminism and Christian legalism, that the real war is against Covetousness, not your natural male attraction to beautiful women then you truly will have a whole new world opened to you.

Don’t go crazy guys!!!

The Scriptures tell us:

“All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.”

1 Corinthians 6:12(NASB)

What that means men is that while glancing at beautiful women may be natural for you, and give you pleasure, you have to make sure you are not mastered by this. Eating is something we are naturally driven to do as well, but we can eat too much, and too often, the same principle applies to our God-given male sexuality.

There is a difference between Glancing and Gawking

While I would say that woman are wrong for condemning men for taking discreet glances at other women, I would say men are equally wrong when they gawk at women. The classic seen of construction works whistling and saying obscenities to a random woman as she walks by is an example of unconstrained, uncontrolled male sexuality, and that does not honor God or women.

How we act when our women are present, and how we act when they are not should be different

I realize some Christians believe we ought to act the same at all times, and all places, and I understand where they are coming from. For instance, if I don’t swear on Sunday at Church, then I equally should not swear on Monday at work.

I am a Christian wherever I go, seven days a week, and that should be consistent. But the truth is, we all understand that certain things are appropriate at different times and places. The way a husband might talk to his wife when they are about to have sex, or during sex, and the way he may act in front of his children with her may be very different, and it should be different.

The same goes for men – when you are with a private group of guys and you happen to see a beautiful woman walk by – there is ABSOLUTELY NO SIN in you as men talking about how beautiful she is. But the difference between you and the construction worker example is – you are not whistling at her, or gawking at her and making her feel uncomfortable. You can “watch the game” and go over the instant replay after she is out of hearing distance. As long as you are not talking about trying to track that girl down, and have pre-marital sex with her, you are not lusting and you are NOT sinning.

The Apostle Paul wrote this very similar passage to first one I mentioned, later in the same book of I Corinthians:

“23 All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify. 24 let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor.

(I Corinthians 10:23-24(NASB)

Guys – if you are gawking at a woman, or making her feel uncomfortable by your staring, are you seeking her good, or your own?

Guys – if you are gawking at a woman, maybe even one that can’t see you gawking at her, but your mom, or your daughter, or your wife can see you do that – are you seeking their good, or your own?

So in conclusion guys, yes its natural for man to look and appreciate the beauty of women, but we must temper this natural desire by doing it in a discreet and appropriate way for the setting that we find ourselves in.

How should Christian women respond to their men looking at other women? Part 2

chrisPinestaringatlakergirl

In part 1 of this series, we established that men look, and many women get jealous, hurt or angry. In part 2 we will explore biological evidence and Biblical examples to show why men look at other women.

As believers in Christ, we understand that we all have a sin nature. But we also have a God given nature. In the Garden of Eden, before Adam and Eve ever sinned, God gave Adam a distinct and different male nature and he gave Eve a distinct and different female nature. He literally built Eve for Adam, and he made her nature almost completely the opposite of his.

Adam was built to lead, and God gave him dominion over the Garden, and had him name all the animals before Eve was ever made. God made a man’s mind to systemize, he made a woman’s mind to empathize.

So the question is – is man’s natural inclination to look at a variety of attractive women (even when he is in a committed relationship) a corruption of the nature God gave him in the Garden of Eden? All the ladies are saying “of course God never meant for a man to be attracted to more than one woman”.

Biological Evidence of man’s attraction mechanism

“the average man’s brain is sexually stimulated by visual cues and is built for variety…

Using functional MRI scans, researchers examined the brains of young men as they looked at pictures of beautiful women. They found that feminine beauty affects a man’s brain at a very primal level – similar to what a hungry person gets from a good meal or addict gets from a fix. One of the researchers said, “This is hard core circuitry. This is not a conditioned response.” Another concluded, “Men apparently cannot do anything about their pleasurable feelings [in the presence of beauty]”

Dr. Walt Larimore, MD – pg. 99 “His Brain, Her Brain”

MalelBrain

Even some Christian writers who take the “men just need to be trained to look away” approach admit this:

“Men’s sex drives are completely different from women’s sex drives…They really are primarily visual. If a man sees a pretty woman, his body automatically starts to respond, in the same way that if you were to walk in the front door, even if you weren’t hungry, and you smelled chocolate chip cookies just out of the oven, your mouth would start to water, whether you really wanted them or not. Even if you weren’t seeking it out, you respond. There’s nothing wrong with that…

If he’s noticing that a woman is attractive, and then he’s pulling his eyes away, he’s only being tempted. He’s not sinning. He hasn’t decided to do anything; in fact, he’s decided to turn from the temptation, which is exactly what he should be doing…

if your husband looks at other women, or comments on them, that’s hurtful…Tell him how you feel. Tell him you understand the temptation to look, but that he promised to love you and you alone. You’re worth it. And he has no right to look at anyone other than you. None of this “all men do it” garbage. We all are tempted towards sin; but we do not have to give into it.”

-Sheila Wray Gregoire

http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2011/03/husband-looks-at-other-women/

But as you can see from the last statement above, while the writer acknowledges man’s biological inclination to look, she sees it as part of his sin nature and a temptation he must be trained to pull “his eyes away” from.

Shelia then goes on to say that “he promised to love you and you alone…and he has no right to look at anyone else other than you.”

I could point to many more sources, and research , both from a biological standpoint, as well as psychological standpoint about man’s physical sexual attraction mechanisms, as well as his being wired for variety, but you get the point.

Biblical Examples of Man’s sexual nature

So at this point all the Christian ladies, and many Christian men are saying –“so what, man is naturally inclined to look at multiple women, but it’s part of his sin nature, and not part of God’s original design. Men just need to be trained to suppress, and flee from their sinful desire for variety – problem solved.”

But what about so many of the Patriarchs having more than one wife?

Abraham – the man of faith, the father of Jewish people, had multiple “concubines” (Genesis 25:6)

Jacob – The father of the twelve tribes of Israel, had all these sons through a combination of four wives (two free wives, two slave wives). The names of these twelve tribes are inscribed on the City of God for all time.

Gideon – the judge, great warrior and one of only a few men in the Bible to meet God in physical form (as the Angel of God), “had seventy sons of his own, for he had many wives.” (Judges 8:29-30)

David – “the man after God’s own heart”, had 18 wives. God scolded David for stealing a man’s wife (Bathsheba), and told him that he had given David his “master’s wives” and “and if that had been too little, I would have added to you many more things like these” (2 Samuel 12:8)

Notice I left out King Solomon. The reason for that is unlike Abraham, Jacob, Gideon and David, God condemned King Solomon for marrying many foreign wives who lead his heart astray. Also Solomon’s behavior was in fact, the “hording of wives” (having 700 wives and 300 concubines) which was condemned by God in Deuteronomy 17:17.

So in the Bible – we have Abraham, Jacob, Gideon and David, all great men of God, and if they had sinned by having more than one wife, if they had horded wives as Solomon did, then God would have said something, but he did not – as we said previously – God told David he gave him many wives!

Man’s polygynous nature (being drawn to more than one woman) is part of his original design by God

When we put together the fact that men are naturally wired for variety, and biologically conditioned to receive pleasure when seeing a variety of beautiful women – and we put that together with the fact that many great men of God had more than one wife we see a very different picture. Man’s wiring for a variety of women is actually part of the original design (before the fall) that God made man with.

The Adam and Eve argument

The argument that if God wired men for polygyny (to have the capacity for having multiple wives) then he would have gave Adam more than one wife does not hold water. If Adam’s monogamous relationship with Eve was meant to be God’s pattern for marriage, then we have two problems:

  1. Adam and Eve’s children had to marry each other – sibling marriage, something that God later condemned.   So did God mean for brothers and sisters to marry for all time, since brothers and sisters had to marry in the beginning?
  2. The second problem with the “God only gave Adam one wife, therefore that was his pattern for marriage” argument is that God pictures himself as a Polygamist husband in the book of Ezekiel when talking about his relationship with Israel and Judah:

“The word of the Lord came to me again, saying, 2 “Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother; 3 and they played the harlot in Egypt. They played the harlot in their youth; there their breasts were pressed and there their virgin bosom was handled. 4 Their names were Oholah the elder and Oholibah her sister. And they became Mine, and they bore sons and daughters. And as for their names, Samaria is Oholah and Jerusalem is Oholibah… 36 Moreover, the Lord said to me, “Son of man, will you judge Oholah and Oholibah? Then declare to them their abominations. 37 For they have committed adultery, and blood is on their hands.”

Ezekiel 23:1-4 & 36-37(NASB)

MansPolygynousNature

So if men looking is not the problem, then what is?

God made man with the capacity for polygyny – that’s why men whether they are in a committed relationship or not, are drawn to beautiful women. Many men throughout history have chosen not act on their polygynous capacity, while many did choose to act on it. It is interesting to note from a historical standpoint, that Israel was still highly polygamous at the time of Christ, as the Romans had trouble enforcing their monogamy laws in nations like Israel (but eventually their monogamy laws did end polygamy in Israel).

So since God made man with a capacity for polygyny, then it is not sinful for him to be visually drawn to multiple women even after marriage.

And no it’s not lusting for a man (single or married) to be aroused by the site of beautiful women, other than his wife. Lust in Matthew 5:28 is talking about sexual covetousness, meaning a man thinking about trying to get a woman to actually have sex with him outside of marriage.

So the problem is not man’s polygynous nature (his being drawn to many women), but with woman’s jealousy, anger and insecurity.

Many people attack the polygamy of the Patriarchs noting the problems with jealousy between their wives – but they never even consider the fact that the wives jealousy was the sin, not their husband’s polygyny.

In the final part of this series about Christian men looking at other, we will explore how women should handle this issue of men looking at other women.

Click here to go to the final part of this series

How should Christian women respond to their men looking at other women? Part 1

guybeingstoppedlooking

How should Christian moms respond to their son’s looking at girls? How should Christian women respond to their boyfriends looking at other women? How should Christian wives respond to their husbands looking at other women?

This is first of a three part series on this issue of men looking at other women, and how Christian women should respond to this. In this first part, I just want to setup the situation as it occurs, with a little bit of what is normally the conventional thoughts on it.  In the next two parts we will dive deeper in this issue.

Before we get into how a Christian woman should respond to this issue of men looking at other women, let’s examine how many women react when they catch their men looking at women.

whatdoyouthinkyourlooking

The mothering or jealous reaction

This response could either come from a position of jealousy, or of mothering.

The mothering reaction is not usually from a position of hurt or anger, but is more of a corrective reaction. If this woman is coming from the position of an actual mother with her son, she feels it her duty to keep her Christian sons from lusting after women, and this is the primary reason for her calling out her son’s looking at girls around him.

A Christian wife, can also have this “mothering” reaction. This woman typically does not have hatred for the male nature, and is relatively secure about how her husband feels towards her. She simply feels it her Christian duty as a wife, to keep her husband’s eyes off other women, because she believes for him to take pleasure from looking at any other woman is lust.

But this reaction could also be a jealous reaction. When it is, it is more of a controlling action. This is more of the “I am the only woman you are allowed to look at buster – and you can only look at me when I say so”.

WhyDoTheyHaveToLook

The insecure/hurt reaction

Typically this a reaction from a Christian wife or girlfriend, but it could also come from a Christian daughter.

A Christian daughter might have this reaction, when she sees her Dad look at another woman other than her mother. She thinks – “Does Dad not love mom anymore? Does Dad think mom is not beautiful anymore?” “Is my Dad going to cheat on my mom?”

The Christian girlfriend or wife may have this same hurt reaction toward her boyfriend or fiancé or her husband. She thinks – “Does he not love me anymore? Does he think I am not beautiful anymore?” “Is he going to leave me or cheat on me?”

menarepigs

The Misandrist Reaction (hater of male nature)

This is the angry and disgusted reaction that some women have toward men looking at other women.

The women believe many men are just scum! If men look at other women, they are or will become cheaters. They believe these men see women as simply sex objects for their viewing pleasure, and not as people.

NewsFlashMenLook

Many Christians (both men and women) would admit that it is natural for a man (and teen boys) to be drawn to beautiful women.

Teens and pre-teen boys look…

boylookingatwoman

Young men look…

Guylooking

Older men look…

mancaughtlooking3smaller

Even famous men look…

mancaughtlooking_smaller

But these same people would also admit that it is natural for a woman to be jealous when she catches her man glancing at an attractive woman. Other women who are not coming from the perspective of the wife or girlfriend, may just say this behavior “objectifies women” and they become angry when men look at them.

So we have reached a philosophical impasse – both behaviors are natural in each gender, yet they are contradictory to each other.

The commonly accepted answer in most Christian circles to this dilemma is that the man’s natural instinct to look at other women, even when he is in a committed relationship, or married is part of his sin nature. In Matthew 5:27-28(NASB) Christ says:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

So the Scriptures tell us that if a man lusts after a woman, he has committed adultery with her in his heart – pretty cut and dry right?

The general idea is, it is not wrong for him to be tempted to look, because temptation is not sin, the sin is if he gives in to his sinful nature(to look at any other women than the woman he is with).

The answer to this problem, we are told, is to train our men to look away when attractive women come by and presto! – Christian mothers, girlfriends, fiances and wives have nothing to be worried about or jealous of.

ProblemSolved

In second part of this three part series, we will look at this problem from a perspective that most Christian women (and many Christian men) may have never considered.

Click here to go to part two of this series

Ben Affleck says girls are smarter than boys – REALLY?

Ben_Affleck_2009_2a

There are some well read and intelligent Hollywood actors, both liberal and conservative. Ben Affleck is not one of them.  Don’t get me wrong, I usually love his films, and as an actor he is great. But as a philosopher, historian, or just someone who truly understands the facts of life and the world, lets just say he is not a good source in these areas.

In Ben’s great wisdom he is quoted in a USA today article stating the following:

“Boys, as we now know, are much slower than girls. Boys just take a while. We’re not as smart as women for many, many years. I don’t know if we ever catch up. We catch up in some ways but probably not in all of them,”

Source: http://entertainthis.usatoday.com/2014/10/09/ben-affleck-on-boys-versus-girls-were-just-not-as-smart/

Are girls sometimes smarter than boys? Absolutely. I have sons and a daughter. I know first hand from helping my kids with their school work, seeing their strengths and weaknesses(as well as their report cards) and talking to their teachers that there is definitely a difference in cognitive(intellectual) ability.

Two of my sons are very intelligent when it comes to math and science, while two of my sons struggle in these categories. My daughter comes somewhere in the middle, she still struggles in math, but not as much as two of my sons do. So in my family with 5 children, my daughter’s intelligence comes right in the middle.

But my children have different strengths, one of my son’s who struggles academically is very good with his hands and very mechanically inclined.  He can take about just about anything and put it back together. This is something that his “book smart” brothers would never be able to do.  My daughter while she struggles in math and science, excels in writing, especially creative writing.

I say all that to say this, can I take the small case study in my home, and put that as how all people are – like Ben Affleck did? Of course not!

Mr. Affleck, let’s look at the cold hard facts.

Men are superior to women in STEM fields (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics)

“Psychological tests also reveal patterns of sex difference. On average, males finish faster and score higher than females on a test that requires the taker to visualize an object’s appearance after it is rotated in three dimensions. The same is true for map-reading tests, and for embedded-figures tests, which ask subjects to find a component shape hidden within a larger design. Males are over-represented in the top percentiles on college-level math tests and tend to score higher on mechanics tests than females do.”

“…males on average have a stronger drive to systemize, and females to empathize. Systemizing involves identifying the laws that govern how a system works…”

Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen, Cambridge University

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/08/opinion/08baron-cohen.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

A man’s brain is made to systemize things, to analyze, construct and explore. When we accept that God gave men some superior abilities to women in these areas then it will come as no shock that 73% percent of Computer Scientists are men.

“20 percent of bachelor’s degrees in computer science go to women, even though female graduates hold 60 percent of all bachelor’s degrees.”

Heather R. Huhman, Forbes

http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/06/20/stem-fields-and-the-gender-gap-where-are-the-women/

There are more highly intelligent men than highly intelligent women

While men and women have about the same average IQ (according to intelligence testing), men vary much more than women do. What that means is there are more men at each spectrum of intelligence than women (below average and above average). However after crossing the average intelligence threshold the amount of men who have above average IQs begins to dominate the women bringing us to the point where there are eight genius level IQ men to every one woman genius.

http://www.iqcomparisonsite.com/sexdifferences.aspx

Many people try and explain away the fact that men dominate the STEM fields as simply a cultural thing that can be overcome with time.  We see commercials and books and articles telling us we have to encourage more young girls to get into the STEM fields.  But no one even considers the fact that there simply may not be as many women who are cognitively wired for these fields.

You can’t make someone more intelligent, and you can’t turn someone into a genius, either you are, or you are not.

Girls mature faster than boys

There is a difference between maturity and intelligence.  No one could argue with that fact that generally speaking, girls mature far faster than boys.  Take any 15 year old girl, and compare her to a 15 year old boy, and you will see a huge difference in maturity.

But guess what? If we understand God’s design for women as presented in the Bible, it is no shock to us that girls must mature faster than boys.

Guess why? Because up until the last 100 years or so, for the all of human history women typically became mothers by the time they reached age 15 or sooner. They had to be mature faster, they were parents at a much earlier age than boys typically were.

Since God designed women to be wives and mothers first and foremost, not business leaders, politicians, engineers and scientists, they mature much faster than boys. This also explains why most women are not generally drawn to, nor do they have the natural ability, generally speaking, to go into these fields.

Different kinds of intelligence

When we say someone is “smart” or “smarter”, what do we mean? Generally speaking we are referring to how capable they are at grasping different intellectual topics.  People can be “smart” in different ways.  Some people are creative writing geniuses, but stink at the math and science fields.  While typically the same people who excel at math and science fields are not always good in the creative and artistic fields.  So yes there are definitely different kinds of intelligence.

But are there people, who possess neither creative(or artistic) intelligence, or math and science intelligence? Absolutely. In fact that would probably describe the majority of the world’s population. That is why we pay creative and intelligent people more, and why certain fields pay so much money, because there are so few people who can do certain jobs.

But the reality is, in just about every field, whether it is a creative field, business, political, or STEM, men dominate these fields, world-wide.

Conclusion

Mr. Affleck, yes your daughters might have matured faster than your son, and someday they may be even prove to be smarter than your son, but that would be the exception, not the norm.  The world around you tells a very different story about whether boys are smarter than girls, and the verdict is all around you, intelligent and business savvy men are the norm, super intelligent and business savvy women are the exception.

In lieu of all the hate comments I might get here – no I do not think women are dumb. But I think it is dumb to say girls are smarter than boys, when that simply is not the case, and later in life the world shows otherwise.