Is the Wife the Holy Spirit of The Home?

During a revival meeting I was recently in at my church, the guest Pastor said “the wife is the Holy Spirit of the home”.  This Pastor had been married for more than 20 years and had previously talked about times in his marriage where his wife stopped him and corrected him when he was going down some wrong paths or about to make some wrong decisions.   He then went further after his statement and asked the men of the church to raise their hands to affirm that they agreed that their wives were the Holy Spirit for their homes.

Needless to say, my children looked at me when the Pastor said this and they knew where I stood on this and they knew such a statement was highly unbiblical and it actually was heresy.  My hand was glued down to my chair as many hands from other husbands went up across the auditorium.   I was pleased to see that many other men did keep their hands down though.  I could not see if my Pastor lifted his hand or not.

Let me just say that besides this statement and his having the men raise their hands about it everything else this Pastor taught both before and after it was very Biblical.  He taught a perfect message on the Gospel and he taught on holiness and us living our lives in a holy way in which we would not be ashamed when Christ returns.

I truly believe this Pastor loves the Lord, believes the Bible is the Word of God and believes the same Gospel I do.  He preachers hard against sin.  But like so many Pastors, even conservative Bible believing Pastors, he has had his thinking poisoned by the feminist ideals that have infested our churches.

Let me make something abundantly clear. The Scriptures never compare the wife to the Holy Spirit.  Such an analogy is borderline blasphemy.

The Bible Compares the Husband to God, Not the Wife

The Bible compares man to God in I Corinthians 11:7:

“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.”

Because man is God’s direct image bearer and woman is not, this is why God is very concerned with there always be a distinction made between men and women.  This is the reason that God condemns cross-dressing and transvestism in Deuteronomy 22:5:

“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.”

In Ephesians 5:22-24 the Scriptures tell us that in marriage man represents Christ and woman represents the Church:

“22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

The Scriptures here are clear that the husband is the head of the wife AS Christ is the head of the church and that AS the church is subject to Christ in everything so to wives are to be subject to their husbands in everything.  In fact, the husband wife relationship is the only human authority relationship where God commands the one under authority to submit to their human authority “as unto the Lord”.

But Men Are Not God!

It is interesting to me that this Pastor and many Christian feminists would have no problem hearing a person say “the wife is the Holy Spirit of the home” but if you were to say “The husband is the Christ of the home” they would go nuts.  This is due in part to the misandry that we have allowed to fester in this nation since the start of second wave feminism in the 1960s.

Am I saying Husbands are Christ? Absolutely not! Men are God’s direct image bearers and in this world husbands symbolize Christ in the home but that does not mean they are Christ. Husbands are not sinless, all knowing or all powerful as Christ is.  Husbands do not have all the attributes of God as Christ does.

But men, and by extension husbands, have more in common with God than women do. And this is not by chance, but by the design of God.  This is why God is always referred to in the masculine sense.  This is why God is referred to as a husband, father and son and never as a wife, mother or daughter. The masculine human nature is a reflection of God’s nature and feminine human nature is not.  The feminine human nature was created to compliment and serve the masculine nature, not to image the nature of God.

The Husband is the Ruler, Leader and Guide to Wife

The Scriptures tell us in I Peter 3:1-2 & 5-6

“1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear…

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

The Scriptures tell us in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35:

“34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. 35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.”

And in 1 Timothy 2:12 the Scriptures tell us:

“But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.”

These passages smack our modern feminist ideals right in the face. But it is the Word of God.   God does not tell husbands to go to their wives to learn how to lead their home or understand the Word of God.  On the contrary it teaches women are to seek spiritual guidance from their husbands.

Should Husbands Listen their Wives?

In Genesis 3:17 the Scriptures tell us the first sin man ever committed:

“And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life”

If you ask most Christians “What was the first sin that man committed?” most will answer “eating the forbidden fruit”.  But Genesis 3:17 tells us the first sin man actually committed was listening to his wife when she was wrong.  Adam’s first failure was a failure of his duty to rule over his wife by rebuking her sin and then refusing to participate with her in it.  But he was more concerned with keeping her love and affection and so he listened to his wife when he knew she was wrong.

Job in many ways was the “anti-Adam”.  In Job 2:10 we read that when his wife asked him to sin against God he responded as Adam should have to Eve:

“But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.”

But the question is, are there times when husbands should listen to their wives? The answer from a Biblical perspective is yes.   In Genesis 21:12 the Scriptures tell us:

“And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.”

In Genesis 21:12 we see a situation where Abraham did not feel right about sending Hagar and Ishmael away as his wife was asking him to do.  And it was her advice to try and have an heir through Hagar that got him in this mess in the first place so I am sure he was at a point where he felt he should not listen to her.

But God knows Sarah is trying to clean up the mess she had made.  She knows there will be contention over the inheritance and leadership of the tribe between Ishmael and Isaac when Abraham dies if Ishmael is still there.  So, God intervenes and speaks to Abraham telling him in this particular case to listen to Sarah.

There are other stories in the Scriptures where we can see that husbands should have listened to their wives as in the story of Abigail and her husband Nabal in 1 Samuel 25 as well as the story of Pontius Pilate and his wife in Matthew 27:19.

The Scriptures tell us of the virtuous wife in Proverbs 31:26 that “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness”.  What that means is that a wise wife is meant to be asset to her husband, not a burden.  But she is to offer her wisdom to her husband and others in a kind and gentle way that is appropriate for women of good character.

The unfortunate truth is that often times intelligent women are more of a liability and burden to their husbands because they do not use their intelligence in a kind and respectful way with their husbands.  Instead they use it to badger and disrespect their husbands and often to try and usurp authority over their husbands.

So, the answer to the question “Should a husband listen to his wife?” is – it depends on the guidance of the Holy Spirit.   Sometimes the Holy Spirit will prompt us to follow our wife’s advice in a certain situation and other times he will tell us her advice is wrong and we must then go against her advice and in some cases it might actually require a rebuke toward her.

Should a Man’s Wife’s Advice Carry the Most Weight?

Many Christians including Christian feminists and even some complementarian Christians believe that the concerns and advice of a man’s wife should carry more weight for him than any other advisor in his life.  The Christian feminists argue this from their belief that marriage is a partnership of equals and therefore the husband and wife have equal say in all family decisions.  Many Christian complentarians while teaching male headship in marriage teach that a man’s wife’s concerns and advice should carry the most weight because he is in a one flesh relationship with her.

Some would argue that this passage below from I Peter 3:7 teaches that husbands should give the most weight to their wife’s advice:

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

It is for these reasons above that many Christian wives are mortally offended when their husbands seek the advice of others and even follow that advice over the advice of their wife.

The question is what does the Bible say about this? Should a man’s wife’s advice carry the most weight in is decision making?

Before we answer this from the Biblical point of view let’s make something clear.  Contrary to what many Christian feminists teach we who believe in Biblical gender roles do not believe husbands are all knowing and that wives know nothing.  Such an attack is straw man argument.  The argument basically goes, if you believe a husband is the head of his wife and that a husband does not always have to listen to his wife then you believe husbands are never wrong, never make bad decisions and that they know all.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

The Bible exhorts men to seek the counsel of their parents in their old age as well as other men both older and the same age to get different points of view and learn from the experience and spiritual knowledge of others:

In Proverbs 23:22 the scriptures tell us this regarding a man’s mother and his father:

“Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.”

And in Proverbs 13:20 we read:

“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

And finally, in Proverbs 27:17 the Scriptures state:

“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

The Scriptures are clear from the passage we discussed earlier in Ephesians 5:22-24 that marriage is not an equal partnership between a man and a woman.  The Bible says the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church – are the church and Christ equal partners? The answer is no.  The Church is subject to Christ.  And as the Church is subject to Christ so too the wife is to be subject to her husband.  Therefore, Christian feminism does not have a Biblical leg to stand on.

But what about the Christian complementarian argument that because a husband and wife are in a one flesh relationship and the husband is to dwell with his wife according to knowledge (I Peter 3:7) that this means her advice should carry the most weight in his decision-making processes?

I Peter 3:7 does not teach men that their wife’s advice or concerns must carry the most weight in their decision-making processes.  When it warns of a man’s prayers not being heard, this is a warning to the husband that he must know his wife and at least hear her concerns.  He should hear his wife’s concerns the same way he wants God to hear his.  God is telling husbands – “if you won’t listen to your wife’s petitions, I won’t listen to yours”.

But let’s think of how prayer works.  Does God always do what we ask in our prayers? The answer is no.  Often his answer may be “no” or “wait”.   Sometimes we ask for things we should not ask for.  Sometimes we don’t realize we are wrong in asking for the things we are asking for. It is the same way with a husband and wife. Sometimes a husband’s answer to his wife will be “no” or other times it will be “wait”.  And sometimes women ask for things that are completely wrong or against the will of God.

Finally let’s address the “one flesh” argument for husband’s giving the most weight to their wife’s advice. Who is the head of this “one flesh” relationship? The man or the woman? We know from Ephesians 5:22-24 that the husband is the head of the “one flesh” relationship otherwise known as marriage.  That means the wife should be molding herself to and following her head.  The unity of the husband and wife is most dependent on a wife submitting to her husband even when he does not follow her advice or grant her wishes.

So, no the fact that a husband and wife are in a one-flesh relationship does not mean a husband must give the most weight to his wife’s advice.  What it means is that the wife after giving her advice must humble herself and realize she is but one of her husband’s many advisers.  It means she must humble herself and follow her husband even when he goes against her advice.  It also means that she needs to mold herself to her husband’s views over time.  Biblically speaking, a husband and wife become one as the wife molds herself more and more to her husband and his thinking.  As long as his thinking in any given area does not directly contract the Scriptures, the wife is to mold herself to her husband.

In other words, biblically speaking there is nothing wrong with a woman “loosing her identity in her husband”, but rather Biblically speaking that is exactly what a wife is supposed to do.   That is why wives are to take on their husband’s name and leave their father’s house behind.

“Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy father’s house;” – Psalm 45:10

Conclusion

The wife is not the Holy Spirit of the home.  But rather Christian husbands should listen to the true Holy Spirit of God and follow his guidance and he will guide husbands as he did Abraham as to when they should or should not listen to their wife’s advice or grant their requests.   Also, husbands should not feel that their wife should be their only advisor or that her advice must always carry the most weight.  Husbands don’t know everything just because they are men and neither do wives because they are women. It is good for men to have a multitude of counselors, especially other Christian men both older and of the same age who can offer spiritual advice and life experience.

11 thoughts on “Is the Wife the Holy Spirit of The Home?

  1. The churches have strayed so far from the bible where marriage is concerned I surprised the concept even works at all. Unfortunately for Christian men things seem to work well for a while before they start to corrode and they end up believing the warped messages from the pastor that their relationship with God isn’t good enough or that they aren’t loving their wives enough when, in reality, neither they nor their wives are living in the biblical instruction on how marriage works. Is it difficult? Yeah, it can be, but how much less difficult is anything when you are living it out the way it was intended, instead of trying to pigeonhole it into your own design?

    We should be in the habit of warning pastors that stuff like this is dangerous not only for their congregation but for themselves. To preach such things, which aren’t even close to heresy – they ARE heresy, is putting ones self at odds with God! Where in the bible does it even come close to suggesting the wife is any relation to the Holy Spirit? Add this to scripture is absolutely heretical and a lie! Lets hope that pastors like this will either find themselves removed or come to their senses, as they are leading weak Christian men astray, and right down the path of marital trouble.

  2. My husband has told me that I am his holy spirit, so to speak. He will adjust his outward morality based on my upset about certain things or my being vocal. After he said that, I made sure to try my best to keep mum and poker-faced concerning his deeds and possible misdeeds. I’m not very successful, but my point is that what he does is between him and God, not me. How can he hear God if all he hears is me?

    How can he ever be a spiritual leader if I am on the front line instead of the home front?

    I think this idea stems from the notion that women are more spiritually and morally minded. They use the fact that men are the minority in church these days and women far outnumber the men. In households, women are more typically the church goers with the kids while dad stays home and watches football. But, you can’t fight imbalance and abdication with more imbalance and usurpation.

  3. It had been subtly arriving, but our society is now in a full on worship of the female gender as a deity. It is as if Eve’s desire to be God is being realized in this lost world at an ever increasing pace.
    With all that in place, the false teaching that this article covers is both not surprising and shocking all at the same time to those who know the truth.

  4. This notion is false and fed to people by the church simply because women consume more religious material than men do. The idea is that since a lot of women read more bible studies and attend more church functions they MUST be more “in touch with God” than men are. This has caused the churches to preach the falsehood that women can lead men spiritually when the bible says otherwise. Women are just as sinful as men are, but as BGR has explained, God has given men the mantle of authority, and to take that away or convince both men and women that women are more deserving of this mantle is a recipe for disaster.

    Now you say he “adjusts his outward morality” based on your being upset. What do you mean by this? Do you mean that he may, in one moment, say (as an example) that abortion is bad and then the next say its okay because you say something about it or do you mean he changes his DECISIONS on certain things after you are vocal about it? One sounds like a very dangerous behavior while the other may not be so bad. It sounds like you have caught on to the effect your being vocal has on the situation and it sounds like you’re doing right by keeping silent when your input may not be needed. This doesn’t mean you have no voice, it just means you, yourself, are more aware of where your input might hinder the situation.

    Have you ever tried just telling him: “Hey, look, I’m a woman and sometimes I say things out of spite or panic or ignorance and when I do that I need you to just do what needs to be done instead of changing your mind because of my feelings.” Not really giving him permission, but maybe he doesn’t know that this is a thing, like, sometimes women act in that way and they dont even know it. Sadly men are trained to fear their wives emotions instead of understanding that, sometimes, you just have to ignore them in order to get done what needs to be done. A man should know his wife well enough to determine if her input is helpful or not.

    Just my 2 cents.

  5. >In households, women are more typically the church goers
    >with the kids while dad stays home and watches football.
    LBL this comment isn’t aimed at you, but rather the point you bring up.
    My first comment is that perhaps this is why the bible tells women to be silent in church. Perhaps they have the tendency to take it over and turn it into a giant competition click. In the churches I’ve seen where there is a noticeable lack of men, this is always the case. (Not that I stay in a church that lacks men, that is one of the first indicators to me that there is damage there)…
    This if of course the men’s fault, first of all for allowing it, and second of all for abdicating their roles to lead in church.

  6. “Then to Adam He (God) said, “BECAUSE YOU HAVE LISTENED TO THE VOICE OF YOUR WIFE, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’; Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you will eat of it All the days of your life.”
    ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:17‬ ‭NASB‬‬ (Emphasis mine)

    Makes one think just how much a husband really ought to heed the voice of his wife. Seems like God is saying that a husband ought to listen to God and not his wife and that a wife ought to heed her husband (submit) and stop trying to be something she was not created to be (like a goddess or a male or the head of her husband).

  7. “But Genesis 3:17 tells us the first sin man actually committed was listening to his wife when she was wrong.” A better word here is “obeying” as listening could refer just to hearing someone out without actually doing anything. His eating the fruiting was the act of “hearkening unto the voice of his voice.” The Scripture could just as easily mean that, and if so the first sin man committed would indeed have been the eating of the forbidden fruit. The word in Hebrew translated as “hearkened” is used to refer obeying. The Bible likewise says Adam was there when Eve took the fruit and ate it, so his first failure wasn’t failing to rebuke her sin, but to prevent her from doing it. He could have spoken up, grabbed her hand, reminded her of God’s order and, upon learning the serpent had tricked her with lies told Eve that the serpent’s lies were lies and that God’s warning mean’t exactly what He said it mean’t, but Adam didn’t.

    “But God knows Sarah is trying to clean up the mess she had made.” It’s also possible that Sarah was acting on God’s behalf and delivering a message from Him to Abraham, as indicated by God backing her play and telling Abraham to do as she said, and if that is the case Sarah botched delivering the message as she did in the form of barking orders at Abraham and commanding him to do it when as his wife she has no authority over him or right to command him to do anything, while also not mentioning it to be a message from God, instead of approaching him in humility and gently saying something like “My lord, God has instructed me to give you a message” and then telling him what it is. This could be why Abraham became unhappy(the Bible says the matter displeased Abraham “exceedingly”), and the fact that God had to personally intervene for Abraham to agree to do it in the scenario of this possibility shows just how bad Sarah botched delivering the message, while also showing in an otherwise scenario that Abraham probably wouldn’t have agreed to send Ishmael and Hagar had God not told him to. As to Nabal and Abigail, Abigail never tried to advise Nabal with regards to David. Other than these things, I have nothing to add and/ or there were no mistakes in the article. Loved it, BGR! 🙂 Keep up the good work!

  8. This reminds me of why I chunked the book Woman, The Completer by Hyles. It can be read for free online. I’ll have to go back and read it to fully understand what was so wrong. I couldn’t pinpoint it when I decided it wasn’t worth keeping. The first chapter is titled: Woman, The Holy Spirit Of The Family. The last line in the first chapter ends with, “You have that power too. It’s up to you which one you choose. You are the mood-determiner, the atmosphere-determiner, the Holy Spirit of the family.” The Hyles website says this book was compiled of messages preached to thousands of women.

  9. Thank you for clearly articulating this idea in the framework of scripture. I especially appreciated the comparison of listening to a wife and God listening to our prayers as a way to properly apply the obligation of husbands towards wives in the context of 1 Peter 3:7.

  10. MB8,

    Yes I am extremely familiar with Jack Hyles and his teachings as he was very popular in the Independent Fundamental Baptist churches that I grew up in. One of my high school friends from the Baptist Christian school I attend used to listen to his sermons on cassette all the time. I used to ask him where he had his altar with candles and a picture of Jack Hyles. He would go on to become a Baptist preacher much in the style of Jack Hyles. Jack Hyles is the one who famously said that if you were brought to Christ using any other translation than the KJV you probably were not saved. There was some wisdom in some things he said but you really had to sort through a lot of legalism and opinion to find it. He really created a personality cult for himself at that church in Hammond, Indiana before he died.

    The book you are referring is online here at this site: https://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Books,%20Tracts%20&%20Preaching/Printed%20Books/Dr%20Jack%20Hyles/woman_the_completer.htm

    I am actually planning on doing a review of what he said and combining it with something focus on the family said that is very similar.

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