Many Christian women quietly wrestle with this question:

• What if my husband tells me to lie?
• What if he wants me to do something immoral?
• What if he pressures me into sexual sin?
• Does God really expect me to obey no matter what?

Some teachers today say there are no exceptions at all. According to them, a wife must obey her husband even if he commands something sinful, and God will hold the husband responsible instead of her.

Other teachers say the opposite. They argue a wife may refuse any command that violates her personal conscience, even if there is no clear command of God involved.

So which one is right?

This is not just a theological debate. It affects real marriages, real decisions, and real lives. A woman who fears God wants to honor her husband—but she also wants to honor the Lord above all.

Over the last few weeks, I have been in several long discussions with men who hold what I call the “absolutist” position. They argue that a wife’s submission is so absolute that she must obey even sinful commands from her husband.

Now let me say something up front. A doctrine is not wrong because it is new. A doctrine is wrong if it cannot be built from Scripture, or if it contradicts the clear teaching of Scripture.

So in this article, we are going to look honestly at the three main positions Christians hold today on exceptions to a wife’s submission, and we are going to test them against the Word of God.

The Historic Christian View

Before we talk about any exceptions, we need to establish the rule.

The biblical rule: wives are to submit to their husbands

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church…
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Ephesians 5:22–24 (KJV)

That is the foundation. A wife’s submission to her husband is part of her submission to God.

Sarah: the biblical model of submission

“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…”
1 Peter 3:5–6 (KJV)

Peter tells Christian women to look to Sarah as their example. He says she obeyed Abraham and called him lord.

That is the rule. That is the standard. That is the foundation.

As a general rule, a wife’s submission to her husband is submission to God, and rebellion against her husband is rebellion against God.

But now we must ask the real question:

What happens when a husband commands his wife to do something sinful?

The universal biblical principle: obey God above all

“Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.”
Acts 5:29 (KJV)

This principle applies to all human authority.

Abigail: the exception that proves the rule

The clearest marriage example of this principle is the story of Abigail in 1 Samuel 25.

Her husband Nabal foolishly refused David’s men and insulted them.

“Shall I then take my bread, and my water… and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be?”
1 Samuel 25:11 (KJV)

David prepared to kill every male in Nabal’s household.

A servant warned Abigail:

“Evil is determined against our master, and against all his household…”
1 Samuel 25:17 (KJV)

Abigail immediately took action.

“Then Abigail made haste… But she told not her husband Nabal.”
1 Samuel 25:18–19 (KJV)

Some argue she did not disobey because she received no direct command. But Nabal had already made a decision that endangered the household. Abigail knowingly acted in the opposite direction to undo the consequences of his decision.

“Let not my lord… regard this man of Belial, even Nabal… folly is with him.”
1 Samuel 25:25 (KJV)

“Blessed be the LORD God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me… which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood.”
1 Samuel 25:32–33 (KJV)

David blesses her. And he credits God with sending her.

Sarah represents the rule. Abigail represents the exception. But if God gives an exception, we are not free to erase it.

The historic church agreed with this principle

John Chrysostom:

“If he commands anything contrary to God… she ought not to obey.”
Homilies on Ephesians, Homily 20

Augustine:

“If the husband commands what is contrary to God, he is not to be obeyed.”
On the Good of Marriage, Chapter 7

This was the historic Christian position: strong submission, but God above all.

But over time, two opposite extremes developed.

One extreme weakened submission so much that a wife’s conscience could override her husband. The other made submission so absolute that a wife must obey even sinful commands.

“Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.”
Proverbs 4:27 (KJV)

God’s truth is not found in the extremes. It is found in the center of His Word.

The Conscience-Only View

This position weakens submission by making the wife’s conscience the final authority.

It teaches that a wife may refuse submission whenever something violates her conscience—even if there is no clear command of God involved.

What Scripture really says about the conscience

“For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law…
Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness…”
Romans 2:14–15 (KJV)

Even unbelievers know certain things are wrong:

• Taking innocent life
• Incest between parents and children
• Men having sex with men
• Married women having sex with men other than their husbands

But this does not mean the conscience is the final authority.

There is a difference between:

• “Murder is wrong,” and
• “This video game is sinful.”

One is a clear command of God. The other is a matter of interpretation and application, which is the husband’s role, not the wife’s.

“Unto the pure all things are pure… but even their mind and conscience is defiled.”
Titus 1:15 (KJV)

The conscience is real, but it is not perfect. It must be tested by Scripture.

The Absolutist View

What it teaches

This position teaches that a wife must obey every command of her husband, even sinful ones.

Their main argument: Numbers 30

“But if her husband disallowed her… then he shall bear her iniquity.”
Numbers 30:15 (KJV)

The claim that nothing is clear

Many absolutists argue that no moral commands are truly clear, and everything must be interpreted by the husband.

“Thou shalt do no murder.”
Matthew 19:18 (KJV)

“And the woman that committeth adultery… the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”
Leviticus 20:10 (KJV)

These commands require no interpretation.

A woman does not need her husband to interpret whether murder is wrong, whether adultery is wrong, or whether her husband sexually molesting her children is wrong.

“We ought to obey God rather than men.”
Acts 5:29 (KJV)

The story that destroys absolutism

The account of Ananias and Sapphira proves a wife cannot follow her husband into sin and be guiltless.

“But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife… his wife also being privy to it…”
Acts 5:1–2 (KJV)

“His wife, not knowing what was done, came in.”
Acts 5:7 (KJV)

She does not know he is dead. She believes she is still being loyal to him.

“And she said, Yea, for so much.”
Acts 5:8 (KJV)

She continues the lie.

“Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost.”
Acts 5:10 (KJV)

God judged her separately. He did not excuse her because she was following her husband.

Conclusion

The historic Christian position is simple and balanced.

• The conscience-only view creates exceptions God never gave.
• The absolutist view removes exceptions God clearly provides.

“Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.”
Proverbs 4:27 (KJV)

God’s truth is not found in the extremes. It is found in the center of His Word.

Obedience to God is the foundation of a wife’s obedience to her husband. That truth does not undermine headship. It strengthens it.