Stories of Sexual Denial in Marriage – Episode 3

Our next story of sexual denial comes from a man named Nathan.  He sent in this story about his sexless marriage in response to my post “8 Steps to confronting your wife’s sexual refusal”.

Nathan begins his story by quoting something I said in my post and comparing it to his situation with his wife:

““some women simply are happy not to have sex that often and would prefer that their husbands would be the same, and these see no moral dilemma in simply training their husbands to have less sex.” This is a perfect description of my wife for 40 of the 40 years we have been married.

No sex before marriage and on our wedding night she was too tired and it was too late. During the first 5 years nine months of our marriage I tallied up the time from just 4 events and came up with no sex for 2.5 years! Within a few months of our marriage she was pregnant. She claimed it was an accident but a few years later, after the second pregnancy, I found out she and her meddling, controlling mother planned the entire thing. Her mother did some bragging after the second pregnancy and it got back to me.

As soon as she verified she was pregnant the first time she cut off everything for a little over 9.5 months. She then “allowed” sex once and then nothing for over 4.5 months. The second pregnancy was more of the same but worse. This time as soon as she determined she was pregnant she cut off everything for one week short of 11 months; “allowed” sex once and then nothing for over 6 months. Even when she allowed anything it was never better than 3 times a month.”

What Nathan is describing here is the type of woman that looks at her husband simply as one part in her “master plan”. Many women, whether they are Christian or non-Christian do not see themselves as God designed them to be.  They do not see themselves as a helpmeet to their husband, but rather they see their husband’s as a helpmeet to them.

They have it all planned out – “I am going to get married, have X number of kids, have the house with the picket fence, have my career and my other activities.” The husband, and to some extent the children are simply seen as accessories to this woman’s life. I am willing to bet based on the story, that she learned this from her mother doing the exact same thing with her father.

So it makes sense in this woman’s mind that her husband’s needs and wishes are secondary to hers – since he is just a cog in the machine of a world that resolves around her.

At this point we will have all the apologists for this woman coming out of the wood work. “Maybe he was not romancing her enough, maybe he was not buying her flowers, dating her and getting her in the mood more”.

First and foremost – romance is not a prerequisite of sex in marriage.  Biblically speaking sex is restricted outside of marriage, but REQUIRED within marriage.  It is both a RIGHT and a RESPONSIBILITY with marriage.

“3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” – I Corinthians 7:3-5 (KJV)

I don’t know if this man tried to romance his wife or not, but it sounds like even if he did it would not have changed her view of sex, and even more importantly her role in marriage.  She simply saw him as an accessory to her life – he was the paycheck, the person to do the heavy lifting and a sperm donor to produce offspring to add as other accessories to her perfect life.

Nathan confronts his wife’s lack of interest in sex

“Within a couple of months of our marriage I said something to her about her apparent lack of interest. She put on a great act telling me she didn’t realize sex was that infrequent and then immediately cut things to twice a month. After the first pregnancy I made the mistake of again confronting her with the facts of her lack of interest. Same act as before and this time she cut things to once a month or less.”

As you can see from this story – Nathan’s wife began training him early in their marriage to simply be grateful for whenever she decided to grace him with her body in the act of sex. Any complaint, any grievance on his part would be met with less sex to reinforce this training.

While Nathan can’t go back in time to change this, this is a teachable scenario for many young Christian husbands. What you tolerate at the beginning of your marriage – will set the tone for the rest of your marriage.  Can you change things later on? Maybe. But it will be much more difficult once a pattern of behavior have been established.

What Nathan should have done, and what any young Christian husband in this situation should do is to turn this “training” attempt around. Instead he should make if clear to her that if she continues to refuse him sexually there will be disciplinary consequences.

The Word of God needs be the foundation for every Christian household. Whether it be with his wife or children, a husband and father should always be sitting down and sharing God’s design for the family.  For instance if a child disobeys or disrespects his mother or father, I think it is good and wise for a Father to take his children to the Scriptures to show them God’s commands that exhort children to obedience and respect toward parents.

It is no different with a wife, when a wife acts in rebellious or sinful way her husband has a duty as the head of his wife to rebuke her sin and to show her God’s Word in the hope that she will repent. Job should be the model for every Christian husband in rebuking his wife:

“Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.” – Job 2:9-10 (KJV)

Now there are gentle rebukes and there are more assertive rebukes.  I believe as Christian husband’s we should for the most part start off with gentle rebukes to our wives, in the hope that they will repent. But there are times when a wife’s behavior calls for a more assertive and aggressive rebuke.  A Christian husband needs to listen to the Holy Spirit to know what each situation calls for.

Nathan in this case should have rebuked his wife’s sin in regard to her sexual denial. If his verbal rebukes and Scriptural exhortations did not work then he should have moved on to other disciplinary measures. I have had a lot of Christians ask me if I think there could be a different order to 8 Steps to confronting your wife’s sexual refusal and I think the answer is yes.

For some Christian husbands, they may be lead to move from Step 1(rebuke) down to steps 4-7(removing privileges) and then back to steps 2(counselor) and 3(church).  I see no problem with that approach.

So in this case Nathan could have moved from rebuking his wife’s behavior, and if he saw no change or just rebellion on her part and moved to stopping dates and trips. He could then move to removing any unnecessary household upgrades and also remove her funding. But as he took each of these disciplinary steps with his wife – he needed to make it clear that this was discipline – not some form of revenge. It was action taken to correct sinful behavior in her life.   See “8 Steps to confronting your wife’s sexual refusal” for more detail on this process.

Nathan’s wife’s schedule

“With her this is how things have been for our entire marriage: Sunday through Thursday nights were out because she had to get up for work the next day. Friday night she was just too tired after working all week. Saturday night was out because she had to get up early for Church on Sunday morning, Sunday afternoon was out because she had to study for whatever she volunteered to teach Sunday night or whatever she needed to have ready for work on Monday morning. Saturday morning before 9:00am it was too early: after 9:30 am it was too late.

Almost as regular as clockwork, meddling MIL would call on Saturday morning at 9:00 am and she would yap on the phone for 30 minutes to an hour. Those Saturday am phone calls were after a 30 minute to an hour call on Friday night and calls at least 4 or 5 other nights of the week. What was always nice about all the phone calls from “mommy dearest” is that they almost always came within 10 to 15 minutes after I had been given the cold shoulder because my “loving?” wife was “too tired”.”

Here I would give a gentle correction to Nathan. I don’t think his wife did all this volunteer work in addition to her career during the week only to avoid Nathan and avoid sex with him.  She did it for her own fulfillment.  I have no doubt she had little need for sex, but I think the avoidance of sex was secondary to her other interests.

This woman is a prime example of how so many modern day women see their fulfillment in life in every other place BUT where God intended them to have their primary fulfillment in life.

They look at being as wife and mom as simply one of their many life attributes – being a wife and mom gives them a photo to put on a desk.  It gives them something to talk about around the water cooler at work or at Church activities. But they don’t see those roles as the central focus of their life or as the primary reason for which God created them as women.

I think we also have to ask a question that I would really be curious as to the answer from Nathan. Did he know his wife was this busy of a person before he met her? Often times we are blinded as men by a woman’s beauty to major flaws that will make a Christian marriage very difficult.

There is nothing wrong with a woman being ambitious and intelligent. The Bible says this of the virtuous wife:

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” – Proverbs 31:26-27 (KJV)

So as we can see – the excellent wife is one who is a wise and a busy person (she is never idle). One could argue that the excellent wife, is in fact an ambitious wife.

The Bible commends ambition for the things that God wants us to do, but it condemns selfish ambition. The virtuous wife of Proverbs 31 is a very busy woman and the Scriptures tell us that she “eateth not the bread of idleness”. Contrary to teachings of our feminist culture, the excellent wife’s ambition is centered on her God, her husband, her children, her home and how she can best serve them.  It is not centered on her own selfish ambitions.  The Bible says this about selfish ambition:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” – Philippians 2:3(NIV)

“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” – James 3:16 (NIV)

Let me remind the reader that the first sin woman ever committed was in her envy and selfish ambition in the Garden of Eden in seeking after the forbidden fruit and the knowledge of God. Eve was ambitious for something that God did intend for her.  And then we have man’s first sin “Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree” (Genesis 3:17). Adam not only failed to confront his wife’s sin, he listened to her and condoned it! Far too many Christian husbands are condoning and enabling the sin of their wives today in many areas (not just sex) and this is as displeasing to God as Adam’s condoning of Eve’s sin.

But let’s go back to my question of whether he knew or not that his wife was a selfishly ambitious person before he met her.  This is a teachable experience for young men seeking wives to check and see “Is this woman ambitious in a godly way, or is she ambitious in selfish way?”

But after marriage, even if you discover that you were blinded to your wife’s selfish ambitions – God still calls you to love your wife by leading her, providing for her and protecting her.  You are also still called to teach her the ways of God and to rebuke sinful behavior in her life, especially as it relates to her respect for you and her submission in all areas (including the area of sex).

Nathan takes his wife to a Marriage Seminar

“When it came to sex, for 40 years my wife has always been “too”: too busy, too tired, too involved, it was too early or too late. We attended a “marriage enrichment” seminar one time early in our marriage. They had us write down all the time commitments we had on a sheet of paper. Two pages or so later my wife had about listed everything.

The facilitator went around the room looking at the papers form different couples and making a few rather generic comments. Every one of these papers listed their spouse. When he got to my wife’s paper the first thing out of his mouth was “mam, there is no way you can be involved in all of this”. Oh contraire, my wife proceeded to list in great detail times and dates for every last item; she had it all planned out. At this he turned to me and asked “how do you feel about all of this?” My only comment was “isn’t it obvious that it doesn’t really matter how I feel about it”!

You see, in all of the junk she listed on over 2 pages, I did not even make the list and no doubt he saw that as well. Nice thing about that seminar, she went out of her way to start a fight so she would have an excuse for no sex that night as well.”

This marriage seminar just reinforced how blind Nathan’s wife was to her own selfish ambitions. Instead of her centering her life on God and her husband – her life was centered her own selfish pursuits.

Another key truth to point out here is that sexual denial in marriage is often just the tip of the iceberg.  Sometimes women deny their husband’s out of feelings of hurt or neglect, and while this is still sinful we can understand the source of this better.  But sometimes women neglect their husband’s from a position of pure and utter selfishness, and this wife seems to be demonstrating textbook selfish ambition.

This also shows whether Nathan realizes it or not that sex is more than a physical activity to us as men. It’s more than some pleasurable thing we do with our wives. Sex with our wife makes us feel connected and loved by her in a way no other activity can compare to.

When wives neglect or minimize the sexual needs of their husbands, they are in fact rejecting their husbands, you cannot separate a man’s sexuality from his person.  

Far too many men, even Christian men have surrendered to the false notion that man’s desire for sex is selfish and base, and this must be combated in every arena that it appears.

God created sex to be an outward symbol, a tangible symbol of the union between a man and woman in marriage. In many ways sex in marriage is similar to communion at Church in that communion is a constant tangible and physical reminder of the Churches relationship with Christ.  This is why God commands sex in marriage and it is to be often and regular. God gave man a strong physical and emotional desire for sex to make sure that it happens regularly in marriage. Of course there are other reasons God created sex and you can read about them in my post “The 7 reasons God made sex”.

Nathan tells us about his wife’s sexual teasing

“Another nice thing she liked to do for the first 30 years was to grab at me throughout the day in a sexually suggestive way. If I did anything to try and make good on it she would pull away and say “down boy down, we don’t have time for that right now”! If awards could be given for sexually abusive women I think my wife would win hands down.”

I am all for a wife sexually teasing her husband (both by touching him, and “visually romancing” him with her body), but then she needs to make good on that foreplay. It almost seems here that she was mocking his sexuality, knowing how much he needed to sexually connect with her. This is just a truly sad story.

Nathan gives up

“A little over 10 years ago I completely gave up and quit even trying. I no longer initiate anything so it is not unusual to go 1 to three, four months or more without so much as even a kiss from her. After a lifetime of this miserable existence my advice to anyone dating or married to someone like this would be, cut your losses and run as far and as fast from them as you can possibly get. No matter how much you love them they can’t be fixed and they absolutely will not change. If you think they will change if only you are patient and continue to love them you are living in a dream world; it won’t happen.”

So it sounds as if Nathan tried for the first 30 years, and then gave up for the last 10 years of his marriage. I am guessing this puts Nathan somewhere in his 60s now.  He has given up on women and marriage and I can understand why.

But to Nathan and those other men that have experienced this type of “miserable existence” in marriage – let me offer you some hope. You don’t have to give up. You can fight for what is right, in fact it is your duty to confront sin in your marriage. If you’re taking the leadership in your home and confrontation of sin in your wife’s life leads to divorce, then so be it.

God hates divorce, but he created divorce for a reason – because he knows men and women are sinful creatures.

God knew that there would be abusive husbands. He knew there would be lazy husbands who would not provide for their wives. He knew husbands would abandon their wives, and wives would abandon their husbands. He knew there would be adultery. He knew there would be husbands and wives that deny a central part of marriage to their spouse – sex.  This is the reason God created divorce.

So in a case like this if Nathan confronts his wife after all these years – she might leave and divorce him.  Even if she does not divorce him, he may divorce her for the sin of sexual denial in marriage – which is by definition sexual immorality. Regardless of if she divorces him, or he divorces her over her sexual denial – the sin rests on her head.

Another interesting phrase from Nathan was this “If you think they will change if only you are patient and continue to love them you are living in a dream world; it won’t happen.”

I am all for a husband being patient with his wife in regard to her faults, just as wives should be patient with their husband’s in regard to their faults.  But with God some faults in marriage are more serious than others, and some faults when left unchecked can break the marriage covenant and destroy the marriage.

I never recommend divorce lightly, and I get many people who write me about these kinds of issues and I tell them they need to wait, be patient and give it more time.  But I tell them that while they are waiting, that does not mean they need to tolerate the sin in these areas from their spouses.  They need to continue to confront the sin as it occurs, while at the same time continually praying that God will change the heart of their spouse.

But Biblical teachings like “patience” and “sacrificial love” in marriage can be abused to the point where these are used to excuse and enable sinful behavior on the part of a spouse.

If a woman is being beaten by her husband, should she exercise “patience” and just wait for God to work on her husband as he beats her week after week? I believe the Biblical answer is NO.

In the same way if a man is continually being denied sex for weeks, that turn into months, and then years should he just be “patient” and show “sacrificial love” to his wife by tolerating her sinful sexual denial? Again I believe the Biblical answer is NO.

One other thing I want to close with on this sad tale.  This story is about a whole lot more than sexual denial by this wife as most of these stories are. This is about a woman, like so many women today, who does not see herself as God sees her.  This is a woman who is in open and defiant rebellion against God’s design for her life. God wanted her life to center on him, her husband and her children – not her own selfish ambition.

Hannity Guest Gavin McInnes says woman happier in the home

GavinMcInnesOnHannity

I was working late tonight watching the rerun of Sean Hannity’s show on Fox News when I heard what he thought would have turned out to be an innocent interview about Hillary Clinton turn into something very different. I grabbed my DVR remote and recorded this golden piece of television history.  The interview started out with a discussion about recent reports that Hillary Clinton has paid her female staffers significantly less than her male staffers. Tamara Holder, a regular Fox News contributor who represents left wing feminists, took the position that the reports were false.

Gavin McInnes, the co-founder of Vice Media(and also a regular Fox News guest) stunned Tamara leaving her mouth wide open when he made these statements:

“The big picture here is, women do earn less in America because they choose to,they would rather go to their daughter’s piano recital than stay all night at work, working on a proposal so they end up earning less…They’re less ambitious, and I think this is sort of God’s way, this is nature’s way of saying women should be at home with the kids — they’re happier there.”

Gavin backed up his assertions with a book entitled ““Why Men Earn More” and encouraged Tamara to read it.

Gavin was right – this is “God’s Way”

The Bible states that a woman’s place is in the home, and this was the design of God from the very beginning:

“Teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” – Titus 2:4-5 (KJV)

God is clear, from the Old Testament to the New Testament, that his intention, his design for women, was for them to keep and manage their homes. This is not some drudgery, it is a privilege from God.  He has beautifully equipped with women with an eye for fashion so that each woman can beautifully decorate her home, in a way most men would not have a clue.

Who is better at taking care of the kids when they are sick, who is the great empathizer? Mom or Dad?

Who do little children cry out for most of the time – Mom or Dad?

Who did God equip with a natural way of feeding infants? Mom or Dad?

This is not just in the God’s Word, it is common sense, the truth stands before us.

I love one of Gavin’s final remarks to Tamara Holder:

 “Look, you’re miserable. You’d be so much happier with kids around you tonight…Feminism has made women miserable. Women were much happier when housewives were glorified.”

The look on her face after he said it was priceless.

FoxNewsWomenInHome2

All I have to say Gavin is Amen.  Amen brother.

I am curious if Sean Hannity will respond to this or not, he looked like he was trying to stay out of it, but this may catch a fire storm in upcoming days and I truly hope it does.  We really need to examine what feminism has done to this country and our culture, and this was a great discussion about that.

Women are truly happier, when they live according to the how God designed them, instead of daily trying to fight that design.

7 ways to let your wife manage your home

Portrait of pretty female cooking salad with her husband near by

Christian husband – the Bible clearly states that you are the head of your wife and your home. But did you know that the Bible calls your wife the “manager” of your home? These roles do not conflict, but instead they complement one another.

For those who don’t know the Bible’s teaching on male headship over women here is a small primer:

God has established the headship of man over woman

“But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ.” – I Corinthians 11:3(HCSB)

“For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:23-34(HCSB)

“One who manages his own household competently, having his children under control with all dignity.” – I Timothy 3:4(HCSB)

The Scriptures are clear here, as well as in multiple other passages (both Old and New Testaments), that a husband has authority over his wife and his family (contrary to popular teachings of our Egalitarian and Christian Feminist friends).

You are to be the head of your home, but your wife is to be the manager of your home

“Therefore, I want younger women to marry, have children, manage their households, and give the adversary no opportunity to accuse us.” – I Timothy 5:14(HCSB)

“Encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, homemakers, kind, and submissive to their husbands, so that God’s message will not be slandered.” – Titus 2:4-5(HCSB)

The phrase “manage their households” in I Timothy 5:14, is an English translation of the Greek word “Oikodespoteo”, which comes from two Greek words “oikos” (house) and “despoteo” (to rule). This literally means to “to occupy one’s self in the management of a household”. The King James Version translates this as “a guide to house”, which is also an accurate translation.

Titus 2:4, a companion passage to this subject of women and the home, calls women to be “homemakers” (translated as “keepers at home” by the KJV). This is a translation of the Greek word “Oikouros” which literally means “watcher or keeper of the house” or “caring for the affairs of the house”.

Proverbs 31 shows a wife taking care of all the affairs of the home while her husband Is away.

7 Ways to let your wife manage your home

So up to this point we have established two foundational truths about the home that are taught in Scripture. The husband is the head of the home, but the wife is the manager of the home. The wife being manager of the home, is a delegated authority from her husband, but it is an authority that God wants men to give to their wives. Below are ways that you, as a Christian husband can encourage, and delegate the management of your home to your wife.

  1. Your wife picks the appliances, you fund them and have them delivered.
  2. Your wife picks the paint color for the house, you fund it, and put it on the walls where she wants it.
  3. Your wife picks how the walls of your home are decorated, again you fund it, and hang it till she thinks it looks straight on the wall.
  4. Your wife decides the style of all furniture, your job is to fund it and get it in the house where she wants it.
  5. You can make dinner requests, but don’t ever tell her how to cook – that’s her domain.
  6. Your wife picks out the clothing for the members of her house, you are simply there to fund said clothing, and hold the bags as she shops.
  7. While you are the ultimate decider of the discipline policies and other things regarding the teaching of your children, a wise man will always hear what the mother(and manager) of his children has to say before making any determinations.

I will just say one thing about “funding”. Husband, as the head of your home, it is your job, and it is a moral responsibility for you to set the funding policies of your home. Your wife comes to you with a need in the home, you discuss the need, and determine the appropriate level of funding. Many men have spent themselves and their homes into financial ruin by not setting any spending limits on themselves, or their wives, and this ought not to be the case in a Christian home.

But having said all that – if you as a Christian husband will simply stand back and let your wife manage your home(without trying to interfere and micro manage her as she does this) you will find that God has naturally equipped your wife to make your home the best it can be. The concept that “a home is not truly a home without a woman’s touch” is not only a true statement, it is also a Biblical one.

This has been the second part of our series “How to be a godly husband”. Check back for more updates to this series.

Sexist or Biblical? Episode 4

Itsnofunwithanervywife

Is it “sexist” for a husband to not want to be around a wife that is anxious or moody most of the time? Is wrong for a husband to seek out some type of relief for his wife’s anxiety or constant moodiness? Apparently to feminists it is.

But the Bible says this:

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

– Proverbs 21:19

Everyone woman has a bad day now and then and as husbands we need to demonstrate God’s grace in our wives’ lives during these times. But if this is the pattern of a wife, then the husband needs to bring it up and try and get his wife counseling, or medication to help her, not only for her own sake, but also for the sake of the marriage.

I can hear it now from feminists – “but men suffer from anxiety and moodiness too!” While it is true that men also can suffer from this, it is far more prevalent with women, simply because of this difference in how our brains as men and women are wired.

“Women are twice as likely to suffer from panic disorder or social phobia compared with men, and they are three times as likely to have agoraphobia (fear of being in public places). They also face a slightly higher risk for specific phobia (fear of a particular object or situation). About 10%–14% of women will have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in their lives, compared with 5%–6% of men. And 6.6% in women will have generalized anxiety disorder, but just 3.6% of men will.”

http://psychcentral.com/news/2006/10/06/anxiety-more-common-in-women/312.html

The truth is that most women who suffer from issues of chronic anxiety or irritability don’t realize that they do, they do see their behavior as it is. More often than not, people who suffer from chronic anxiety and irritability have convinced themselves that it’s not as often as it really is, and that they are justified by the various circumstances of life in feeling and acting the way they do. But chronic anxiety and irritability will suck the life out of any marriage and it needs to be addressed.

Husbands, as the leader of your home, God expects you to deal with this so that you can make your relationship the best it can be. Obviously you should approach this in a gentle way initially with your wife and see if she will be willing to go to counseling and perhaps get medication (if that is prescribed). But if your wife rebuffs you concerns you may need to take a more assertive approach.

Sexist or Biblical? Episode 3

HardworkingWifeinApron

I think for most men who have not been brainwashed by our modern feminist culture to think it is demeaning for a woman to be seen as the primary caretaker of the home, we would find this flat out sexy. My wife just got a new apron and love watching her work in it. It hearkens back to a period when men were men and women were women.

Women used to see the care and upkeep of their homes as their honor, and they did not look down on it as a drudgery. We as believers in Christ need to raise the next generation to embrace God’s beautiful and distinctive design of man and woman.

Another thing I like about this ad is, it places emphasis on the fact that a woman ought to save some energy for her husband. Too often today, even women who are homemakers, act as if their job is a drudgery and when their husband gets home they say something like “ok your home, it’s your turn to take over.”

Woman have more and more modern conveniences to help them with the affairs of the home (modern ovens, washers and dryers, internet cooking classes and host of materials to help organize) – yet they seem to be able to do less with more, and few husbands are brave enough to take on this important issues of the home.

It’s not unheard of today for men to work 10 hours and then come home to then be expected to cook dinner or run out and buy it for the family. Now everyone has a bad day, and I am not saying that a husband can’t see that fact and help his wife out occasionally with the cooking or cleaning.

But if this is the norm of how a woman is managing her home for her husband, then there is something wrong and it needs to be addressed.

But on a more positive note, husbands if you have a good woman who is taking care of your home and doing these things to the best of her ability – you ought to praising her everyday! Proverbs 3:28 tells us that her husband…praiseth her. If you have not praised your wife’s cooking or upkeep of the house lately – do it today!

Proverbs31_10_11_27

Sexist or Biblical? Episode 2

MyWifeIsPrettyAndPregnant

What a sexist and horrible ad right? The eyes of Feminists are rolling. This classic ad is one that is often used to attack our supposed backward and sexist past as a nation. But if we believe the Bible is the Word of God – is this really a wrong ad?

Is wrong for a man to want his wife to be pretty,pregnant and to be happy about her duties in the home according to God’s Word? Maybe according to our modern norms it is – but maybe, just maybe, our modern norms are completely out of line with God’s design for man and woman.

When I bought a new washer and dryer for my wife 5 years ago with our new house I proudly said that I bought a new washer and dryer for her.

Now my wife was raised in a moderately feminist home, so she did not take too kindly to my statement, but it was a learning experience for her. I pointed out to her, than in no way was I saying that all she could do was laundry, as my wife is a very intelligent woman. But said to her that while I have no problem helping around the house I believe that God’s Word shows the home and the domestic work of the home is the woman’s domain, and instead of her being insulted by such a comment, she ought to be proud that I wanted her to have the best equipment to do what God had tasked her with.

Five years later, my wife knows that I have made good on my word. There have been many weeks and months that my wife was sick or had health problems, or surgeries where I took care of 100% of the laundry, dishes and cooking, and it was my honor to do so in her time of need.

I still help with some loads of laundry here and there as I see the need arise, but at the end of the day I believe my wife is fulfilling one the purposes for which God created her each and every time she does a simple load of laundry. It is not an insult, it is an honor, and more if more women were accept God’s will, and God’s design for their lives, they would happily take pride in their task of taking care of their families clothing needs.

Proverbs31_10_11_27

Does the Bible allow for a woman to be President of the United States?

WomenForPresident

Why were there no female priests in Israel and no female Apostles? Why were there no female queens appointed by God to rule over Israel? Was it just cultural sexism or was the lack of women ruling over men based on the what these people understood and accepted about God’s design of gender roles?

Moving forward to our modern culture, does the Bible allow for a woman to President of the United States?

A brief history of Women seeking America’s highest office

Contrary to popular belief, Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton are not the first women in American history to seek America’s highest office. In 1884, Belva Lockwood, an activist for voting rights for women and for African Americans campaigned for president.

In 1872 and 1892, Victoria Woodhull ran for President of the United States the first time from the Equal Rights Party, and the second time from the Humanitarian Party.

Many other women since then have either run for President from very small parties, or have sought the nominations of the Republican or Democratic parties.

What does the Bible say about a woman being President?

Obviously there was no such thing as a President in Biblical times, so the Bible would not specifically mention it. But the Bible does teach Patriarchy (male leadership over women).

The Bible tells us Man is to lead Woman in the Home:

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.”

Ephesians 5:23(KJV)

The Bible tells us Man is to lead Woman in the Church:

“This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;”

I Timothy 3:1-4(KJV)

The Bible tells us Man is to lead Woman in Society:

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

I Corinthians 11:3(KJV)

Other Biblical facts that go against women in leadership positions over men

Christian Feminists have spent the last century attempting to explain away the clear teachings of God’s Word that I have mentioned above. In addition there are many more facts they cannot overcome.

Never in Israel’s history was there ever a female high priest, or female priest period.

Never in Israel’s history did God appoint a female Queen to rule over Israel.

None of the Apostles were women (you would think if God believed in gender equality, he could have carved out at least one slot out of 12 right?)

There is not one recorded instance of a female Pastor in the New Testament.

While I would agree with my feminist Christian friends that the absence of something does not necessarily forbid that thing, it certainly makes for a stronger case when we have verses that clearly say that man is the head of woman, the husband is the head of the wife, and in the church a Bishop is “a man” who is “the husband of one wife” and one that “ruleth well his own house”.

But what about women leaders in the Bible?

This is the primary weapon that Christian feminists have used to assault the patriarchal system that is clearly taught from Old Testament and into the New Testament. Below I will mention each one of these women who are raised as an objection to the Bible’s teaching on Patriarchy in society, the church and the home. Then I will mention a brief note on each explaining her role.

Miriam – prophet. – It never specifically says she exercised authority over men.

Deborah – prophet; judge; led the army of Israel into battle with Barak, their commander. She was a spiritual and moral leader. She did not seek to lead with Barak, he begged her to. She shamed him by telling him God would hand their enemies into the hands of a “woman”. It is interesting the Bible says she sat under a tree, and not at the city Gates as leaders typically did.

Hulda – prophet during the reign of Josiah. She served at a time when Israel had forsaken God, one of their darkest hours. Josiah sought to restore worship and the Word of God and sent messengers to her to seek the will of God.

Anna – a widow who became a prophet and pronounced Jesus to be the redeemer of Israel

Lydia – business woman in the Philippian Church, but the Bible never refers to her as a leader or a Pastor.

Priscilla – helped Paul while he was establishing churches at Corinth and Ephesus; with her husband Aquila, corrected Apollo’s preaching and helped him to learn of the new way in Christ.

Junias – contrary to feminist teachings, she was not an Apostle, but she was honored by the Apostles for her work in the Lord.

Phoebe – a servant in the Church at Cenchrea, She was not a deacon as feminists assert.

Let’s address the Deborah and the Hulda in the room

Only two of the 8 women mentioned often by Christian feminists truly exercised spiritual leadership over men.

The time periods when Deborah and Hulda were prophets were times of great moral and spiritual decay for Israel. Men were no longer exercising moral or spiritual leadership as we can see in Barak’s refusal to go to war without Deborah by his side.

Let me be blunt – God called women into spiritual leadership roles, as an exception to his design, in order to shame the men into bringing the nation back to God, and into exercising their God given responsibility to lead in the church, the home and in the nation.

In no way does the Bible EVER paint women in leadership roles as a positive thing, but it is something God uses to shame the men into action.

“As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.”

Isaiah 3:12(KJV)

God is allowed to make exceptions to his own rules

God made these exceptions to his own design at limited and specific times:

  1. God allowed a donkey to speak to a Balaam in Numbers chapter 22.
  2. God tells the prophet Isaiah to go and prophesy naked for 3 years in Isaiah chapter 20.
  3. God tells the prophet Hosea to go marry a prostitute (something clearly forbidden for priests) in Hosea chapter 1.
  4. God took Enoch (in Genesis 5) and Elijah (2 Kings 2) directly to heaven without them first experiencing physical death.

My point is – God can and does make exceptions to his design at various times. But unless God actually directly commands an exception to his design, as in the case with Deborah and Hulda, we have no right to deviate from his design of patriarchy in the home, the church or society at large.

What God says women are to do

Christian feminists spend so much time looking for exceptions to God’s design that they stumble and fall over God’s clear direction to women, as to the normal way a Christian woman should live her life.

God says his normal design is for women is to be helpmeets to men and this is how women are commanded to live:

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

I Timothy 5:14(KJV)

“The aged women… That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:3-5(KJV)

The Bible is crystal clear here in regards to God’s design for women. Young women are to marry, have children and manage their homes for their husbands. They are to be obedient to their husbands, to love their husbands and children and to be discreet. When women are older they are then to teach the younger women how to be good Christian wives and mothers.

The Bible does not forbid women from spiritually leading other women, as long as that leadership does not contradict with a churches authority, or a husband’s or father’s authority.

This would allow for Christian women’s conferences, for Christian women to teach ladies Sunday school classes, and for women to write books or blogs as long they are not exercising spiritual or physical authority over men.

I have given all this Biblical evidence, and answered the false arguments of Christian feminists to say this – a Christian woman has no business running for or assuming the office of President of the United States. In fact a Christian woman has no business being in a leadership position over men, whether it is in the home, the church or society at large. God says “the head of the woman is the man” we would do well to follow his design.

But do we need to submit to female leaders in Government as Christians?

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.”

Romans 13:1(KJV)

God tells us that rulers, good or bad, are allowed to come to power by his will. We are commanded to pay taxes and be subject to our rulers. That includes if they are women. If a woman run’s for President, that is something between her husband and her, and between God and her. We can and should teach God’s design, but at the end of the day, we each have a personal responsibility before God.

Would I vote for a female President?

Depending on the situation, yes. The reason is if the female candidate comes closer to Christian positions than the male candidate, I must support the lesser of the two evils. For instance if the female candidate is pro-life and the male candidate is pro-choice, I will most likely vote for the female candidate unless she is way off in some other way.

Update 10/13/2016

The 2016 Election and the choice between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump

I originally wrote this article back in 2014 long before Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton became the candidates representing our two major political parties here in the United States.

As I write this update to this article today our nation is faced with a huge choice coming in less than a month.  This article has spiked on google as Christians search out the truth of how they should vote.

Is the fact that Hillary Clinton is a woman the only reason I as a Christian man am not voting for Hillary Clinton? No.

But in the world of politics we often have to choose the lesser of the two evils.

The prophet Daniel served under Kings that lead sinful and immoral lives and as long as they did not ask him to sin against his God he served them faithfully.  The point is sometimes we don’t get a simple choice between a godly person and an ungodly person in politics.  Sometimes the choice is between two ungodly and sinful people and I believe that is the choice we are being presented with in this 2016 Presidential election.

I would have considered voting for Hillary, despite her being a woman which is a violation of God’s design if she did not have these things on her record:

  1. She is a proponent of abortion and especially the heinous partial birth abortion.
  2. She is for forcing Christian businesses and other faith based organizations to violate their religious beliefs by making them provide contraceptives through their insurance.
  3. She is for forcing Christian businesses and other faith based organizations to violate their religious beliefs by making them accept and participate in gay marriage(bakers, photographers, wedding planners, county clerks and judges).
  4. She is for going after churches that endorse conservative Christian candidates and who call out liberal candidates as unchristian.
  5. She believes in legalized theft of private property through the government seizing the private property of some(money) and simply redistributing it to others.  It is one thing to take taxes to pay for basic government services – that is a Biblical concept.  It is another when you take what one man has rightfully earned and simply give it to another man who has done nothing to earn it.
  6. She does not believe that a nation has the right to defend its borders, language, culture and economy.  One of the first duties of government is to defend it’s nation from all outside threats whether they be military(including terrorists), cultural or economic threats.

Hillary Clinton has many other flaws including being a liar and a corrupt politician. Is Donald Trump a liar too? Yes he has been caught in many lies. So perhaps on this issue of lying they may be equally flawed.

Donald Trump despite his flaws(and they are many) is a candidate whose positions on the issues of our time comes far closer to a Biblical perspective than does Hillary Clinton’s.

These are the reasons I will be voting for Donald Trump in the next month:

  1. He proposes that we strike the IRS provision put in by Lyndon Johnson in 1954(Section 501(c)(3)) that punishes Church leaders for making political endorsements or criticizing political candidates by removing their status as non-profit organizations.  This was a major violation of the first amendment right to free speech as well as freedom of religion and it must be struck down.
  2. While he has been careful on the issue of gay rights and gay marriage in his statements, if he appoints any of the judges on his list of judges these judges will bring a screeching halt to the gay rights movement assault on religious liberty.
  3. Speaking of judges – these same judges that Donald Trump has pledged to appoint to our various levels of Federal courts will uphold private property rights(another Biblical concept) as well.
  4. He has taken a pro-life position and is against partial birth abortions.
  5. He believes one of the most important duties of government is to protect the nation from outside harm whether it be cultural, economic or military threats including terrorism.

I am glad that God has allowed us in this election cycle to be able to vote for a man in keeping with his design that men should rule over women. I am glad that the male candidate is closer to the Bible in his positions than the woman so we will not have to go against God’s design in voting for a female president.

Other related articles:

How a Christian wife should handle a controlling husband

You were made for him

 

You were made for Him

Joy and freedom

“…all things were created by him, and for him Colossians 1:16(KJV). All of us, both men and women were made for the glory of God. As a woman, you were also made for another “him”, for your current or future husband, unless you are one of the few women God has called to life of celibacy in his service.

Just as mankind was made for the glory of God, so to you as a woman were made for the glory of man.

“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.”

I Corinthians 11:7(KJV)

“Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”

I Corinthians 11:9(KJV)

The fact that you were made for you husband answers all these “why” questions:

Why do I have to submit to him? Because you were made for him.

“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

Ephesians 5:22(KJV)

Why do I need to follow him if his job moves him to a new city? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to follow his rules for discipline with our kids, whether they are stricter or more lenient than I would like them to be? Because you were made for him.

Why do I not get an equal say in all decisions of the family? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to have sex with him even when I don’t feel in the mood? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to wear the clothes he likes me to wear, or keep my hair the way he likes it? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to stay home and care for our children? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to obey him? Because you were made for him.

Why do I have to respect him? Because you were made for him.

Conclusion

Whether you are engaged, a newly wed, or have been married for many years, this principle, that you were made for your husband can and will change the way you approach your marriage. You won’t find yourself fighting for control, or your fair share in the decision making processes of your home, you will instead find peace.

Please don’t misunderstand me, this is not to say a wife should never tell her husband what she thinks, because she should.  Proverbs 31:26 tells us the virtuous wife openeth her mouth with wisdom, and a husband should be able to listen to his wife’s wisdom.  But on the other hand, we all know that there are many instances in the Bible where husband should NOT have listened to his wife.  A Godly man will judge his wife’s advice by God’s Word, and by his own judgement and exercise proper leadership.

Happiness is found when we live the way God designed us to. If you go throughout your marriage and you follow the principle that you were made for the glory of God, and God made specifically made you for your husband, I can promise you that you will have a wonderful marriage. This comes straight from our owner’s manual – the Bible.

Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands

MenYelledAtByWoman

““Should a wife obey her husband? Be in subjection to him? Should she submit to him
as if he were God? Should a husband have authority over his wife as a master does
over a servant? Should women even reverence their husbands, obeying them, and
calling them Lord? The Bible does command a woman to do all of this, as we will show
from many scriptures! But the modern woman says, “NO!” The feminist movement has
insisted on woman’s equality with man in every respect. Women have invaded fields of
endeavor once given over entirely to men. Women, aided by preachers and reformers,
sought and secured the right to vote and hold office. Many religious denominations
have women preachers. Church work from singing in the choir to financing the church
and doing the Bible teaching is done principally by women. Men sit passively in an
occasional service, help pay the bills, and are politely indifferent as to whether the world
goes to hell or not!”

-Dr. John R. Rice,  Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands

I grew up in Baptist Churches hearing preaching exactly like that of Dr. John R. Rice.

RiceJohnR

Dr. John R. Rice(1895 – 1980)

He saw the softening of gender roles and he called it out for what is it – sin, pure and simple.

He published a book in 1971, called “Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands” and its words could not be more needed today.  I don’t agree with everything he taught as I am sure some people agree with some things I teach and disagree with other things I teach.  I would not even necessarily agree with everything he wrote in this book.  But where he is preaching God’s Word, clear an plain – I say AMEN.

These are some other notable statements Dr. Rice made in this book:

“If women knew and cared about what God expects their attitude to be toward their
husbands they would be much more careful in accepting him, and marriage would last
longer and be happier. God’s word uses stronger language than any man would dare
use of his own choice on the same subject. In fact, God’s language is so strong that
most preachers, in their cowardly submission to modern tendencies, ignore it or explain
it away as fit only for other times or only under ideal circumstances. We preachers must
answer to God for the way we preach his word, so I give you what he says about a
wife’s duty toward her husband.

1. Wives, Submit ‘As Unto the Lord’
Study and scriptures given carefully and remember that the words are God’s words, not
mine, nor any man’s. Ephesians 5:22-25,28, 33 is one of the clearest passages on the
duty of a wife:

‘22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23. For the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the
savior of the body. 24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in everything. 25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ
also loved the church, and gave himself for it;…..28. So ought men to love their wives
as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself……33. Nevertheless let
every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she
reverence her husband.’

Wives should submit themselves to their own husbands ‘as unto the Lord’ (vs. 22). A
woman should obey her husband as if it were the Lord she were obeying, for in truth it
is. That means a cheerful obedience which comes from a loving and an obedient heart.
To obey her husband should be a part of a Christian wife’s religion. She submits to him
‘as unto the Lord.’

2. Wives to ‘Be Subject…in Everything’

Verse 24 quoted above says that ‘as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands IN EVERYTHING.’ It is true that every man, woman and
child, every servant and citizen are to put God first and obey him first. But here the
scripture seems to take for granted that there will never be a case where God will call
upon a wife to disobey her husband. Women are to be subject to their husbands just as
the church is subject to Christ even in everything! A woman is to be subject to her husband even in church and in religious knowledge, as we learn in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.
Wives sometimes think they please God by spending time in routine church work
when their husbands want them to attend to duties at home. I have known numerous
cases where wives sought to give money to the Lord’s cause without the husband’s
consent, sometimes stealing the money from his clothes to tithe. This was wrong
according to Numbers 30:13-15.
If the husband forbids it, he is responsible, not she.
Wives are to be subject to their own husbands in everything, says the word of God. In
her body the wife is to be subject to her husband, even as she is to have the freedom of
his body (1 Cor 7:35).
A wife is to be subject to her husband in the way she directs the
house, spends the money committed to her, controls the children, the way she dresses,
the company she keeps in everything.”

This message needs to be read by every Preacher and Priest in this country and our churches need to once again start preaching the Word of God in regarding one his most important teaches, the doctrines of Biblical manhood and Biblical womanhood.

Every husband and wife need to read God’s Word, and accept it and live by it.  Only by following God’s design for men and women can we truly find peace.

A larger excerpt of his book can be found at this here

 

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 2

MasculineWomenFeminineMen2

In the previous post, we established the fact that there are masculine women and feminine men. But does God care if a man acts more feminine and woman acts more masculine? Does God care if a man is passive and would rather his wife lead his family? Does God care if a woman is more aggressive and assertive, or if she would rather be fighting on the battlefield then cooking for her family in the kitchen?

The answer is YES. God talks about gender issues all over the Bible. The genders are not made by accident, they were made by design.

The reality is no matter how feminine a man you may be, you are still a MAN.

No matter how masculine you may be as a woman, you are still a WOMAN.

God cares about how men and women dress

The Bible addresses the issue of women and men wearing different clothes:

“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.”

Deuteronomy 22:5(KJV)

It is interesting that God did not take cross dressing lightly, God calls it an “abomination” for a man to dress like a woman, or for a woman to dress like a man. The churches would do well to take this more seriously than we do in our modern unisex society.

God does condemns men dressing or acting as women or being homosexuals

I am not in any way saying that just because a woman has some masculine qualities or a man has some feminine qualities that they will automatically be drawn to cross gender behavior or homosexuality. But in extreme cases where a man is extremely feminine or a woman is extremely masculine this is often a much greater temptation.

“9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.”

I Corinthians 6:9-11(NASB)

Let me also be clear after quoting I Corinthians 6 that being effeminate or a homosexual is one of many sins Christians may be tempted to do. It does not make you any less of a sinner if you are tempted to commit fornication or adultery, than to dress feminine or commit homosexual acts. We have a choice to fight our sinful nature or not fight it.

God wants men to lead, protect and provide for their wives and children

Whether a man feels assertive, or like a leader, God calls him to lead, protect and provide for his home.

“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”

I Corinthians 16:13

“…fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.”

Nehemiah 4:14 (NASB)

“For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church…”

Ephesians 5:23(NASB)

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4(NASB)

“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

I Timothy 5:8(NASB)

“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children…”

Proverbs 13:22(NASB)

“House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers…”

Proverbs 19:14(NASB)

God calls women to help their husbands, bare children and keep the home

Whether you as a woman feel like being Betty Crocker or not, God has called you to the most sacred duty of being a help meet to your husband, the barer of his children and the keeper of his home.

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

I Timothy 5:13-15(KJV)

“…teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:4-5(KJV)

“She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.”

Proverbs 31:27(NASB)

Women are to be respectful of the authority of men, and are not to be in dominate positions over men

Some women have a more dominate spirit about them, but that spirit by be channeled and conformed to God’s design for them as women. Women can lead and teach other women, and they can lead and teach their children. So if a woman is opinionated and strong-willed, this is where her abilities must be channeled to.

My daughter loves to write, and I hope she will use that someday perhaps in writing a Christian woman’s blog. There are many ways women can use their talents and abilities, but they must always make sure they are conforming to design God has made for them.

But the Bible is clear, that no matter how masculine a woman may be, she is never allowed to dominate men, and especially not her husband. Her spirit around men and her husband should be one of gentleness, quietness and respectfulness.

“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.”

I Corinthians 11:3(NASB)

“But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.”

I Timothy 2:12(NASB)

“…the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33(NASB)

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands… Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

I Peter 3:1 & 3-4(NASB)

But why did God make me this way?

This is the inevitable question I have heard many times on many forums when the discussion of gender roles and femininity in men or masculinity in women is raised.

God originally designed man with a certain kind of nature. He designed him with a mind and body to lead, protect and provide. Anything that is in a man that is contrary to these traits is a corruption of our original God given design, the Bible tells us we are corrupted because of sin.

This does not mean that all sensitivity in man is a bad thing. Kind David was one of the manliest men in the Bible, yet he wrote and played some of the most beautiful music and poetry ever written. But this same sensitive musician, went out and killed the Giant Goliath for insulting his God and then cut his head off.

A man being more sensitive may help in a role as counselor or jobs that require a lot of creativity. So some feminine qualities in a man are not necessarily a bad thing. But the same qualities that make a man good at his job, make present him with challenges in his marriage and home life if he becomes passive and unambitious. A Christian man needs to recognize this and ask God for help in being the man in his home that he needs to be.

In the same way, the qualities of being ambitious and assertive may help a woman in teaching Sunday school or heading up a ladies group at church, or even writing a book or blog,. These qualities may even help her in teaching and disciplining her children, but being ambitious and assertive where she attempts to usurp her husband’s authority would be a misuse of these tendencies.

There is nothing wrong with a woman being competitive as she plays for the church ladies softball team, but her competitiveness may become a problem if she begins to compete with her husband for authority or control in her marriage. Such a woman needs to pray for God to channel her ambitiousness, assertiveness and competiveness in areas that do not violate God’s boundaries and God’s design.

Conclusion of Masculine women and Feminine Men Part 2

In this final part of my two part series on Masculine women and Feminine men we established that God does indeed care about there be a difference between the sexes, both in clothing and behavior.

Women are to be quite and gentle with men, and to have a submissive spirit about them. This gentleness, quietness and submissiveness is essence of femininity according to the Bible. While the statement is often derided in our modern culture, the Bible is clear that woman’s place is in the home. This does not mean she never leaves the home to do shopping or even perhaps run a business out of her home as the Proverbs 31 wife did. But everything she does, focuses back on the fact that God created her for her husband, her children and her home.

Men need to be assertive and ambitious, they need to lead and “act like men” as the Bible calls them to. In his home a man needs to take charge, and set the tone of his family. His leadership is to be firm, but loving just as God’s leadership is firm but loving to us. The father should instruct his wife and children in the ways of God’s Word. He is to provide for his wife the things she needs to make a home for him and his children. He should leave his children and inheritance. Everything he does should focus on how God would have him to lead, protect, provide for and ultimately love his wife and children.

Masculine Women and Feminine Men Part 1