While this is certainly not the first time Biblical Gender Roles has been featured on other blogs, it is probably the highest profile features that have been done on this blog.
I was contacted today by two reporters, one from the Huffington Post and one from Daily Mail regarding my post “How a husband can enjoy sex that is grudgingly given by his wife”.
I was pleased that both reporters fairly represented my views. Obviously they both did a negative spin on my views but I expected that.
Some might ask why I would be happy that my blog was featured based on an article I wrote telling men to not look at their wives faces if they are grudgingly giving sex. The reason is because God’s Word was displayed on a very public stage. I am not concerned with all those who will disagree, and the minions that disagree with me on a daily basis. This ministry is for those few who will listen to what God’s Word says and will see their lives transformed as a result.
My critics ask all the time why I write about sex as if I am some sex obsessed person. The truth is if you look over my blog carefully I talk about a lot more than sex here. I talk about living as God designed us to and living according to his will and his purpose for our lives.
If I am able to spread the Word of God, especially as it relates to his distinct plans for men and women that is all that matters to me. I don’t care what vehicle God uses to do that. As I have said here many times this is about way more than sex. Sex is just the tip of the iceberg. But once we realize what submission looks like in the area of sex in marriage, and accept our duty there – it then becomes easier for us to accept our duties to one another in many areas of marriage and life.
The two articles can be found here:
If Your Wife Hates Sex, Just Don’t Look At Her Face, Says Christian Blogger
Biblical Gender Roles 
I am just curious, you go on about how humans (mostly husbands) NEED sex and what a big deal sex is in a marriage, but you don’t support premarital sex. So do we only NEED sex after we’re married? I feel like people like you always underplay sex when addressing to single people (sex is a gift from God, be holy, abstain from premarital sex etc), but as soon as you’re married, then sex is something you can’t live without? If you never find a suitable marriage partner then you don’t deserve to enjoy and have sex?
Congrats, BGR!
This should be interesting. Do you have any idea when they are going to run the article?
🙂
Liz,
Both articles were already published yesterday.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3291687/Christian-website-claims-no-thing-marital-rape-advises-husbands-avoid-wives-faces-sex-spouses-sinfully-not-mood-intercourse.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/if-your-wife-hates-sex-just-dont-look-at-her-face-says-christian-blogger_562fe79fe4b0c66bae59f710
Breathe,
The reason I don’t support premarital sex is because the Bible does not support it.
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” – Hebrews 13:4 (KJV)
Sexual relations between a man and a woman are only allowed by God in marriage. But consider this – obviously there were spiritual reasons why God does not allow sex outside of marriage, but there were also practical considerations.
Keeping sex in marriage is actually a great protection for women. If men could just have sex with women outside of marriage and if the woman got pregant she had no provision and protection for that child.
Also as we can see today in our modern western culture – marriage is way down. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
I feel for you single people, I have a dear friend of mine (divorced) that is truly struggling with not being able to have sex. I think the sexual desire can be just as strong whether a person is single or married – no question.
I think you need sex right now as a single person in the same way I need sex as a married person. I don’t think you have to completely suppress that sexual desire either. But I think for now you have to channel into ways that do not violate God’s law. Masturbation is a way that God has given you to relieve that sexual tension until you are married.
The Bible actually acknowledges the fact that one of the reasons we should marry is to avoid sex outside of marriage because we are sexual beings.
And its not a matter of “deserving to enjoy sex”, it is a matter of following God’s law and yes sometimes that is very hard for us to do as I see right now with my divorced friend who is single and struggling with this.
Thanks for the links BGR.
That was quite a smear campaign! Not exactly an even-handed analysis of what you wrote.
I expected both of them to be a negative spin, but it still gets the message out there for those few who will listen. Those are the people I am concerned with reaching, not the naysayers. But honestly I was impressed that both of them put some comments in that I wanted them to.
Here is an interesting juxtaposition:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/03/fantasizing-about-someone-else_n_992447.html
Huffington post’s take on fantasizing about someone else during sex. For comparison/contrast, you have asserted that the husband should think about the wife’s body during sex. In the contrasting case, the woman would close her eyes (or face away) and actually think of someone else.
Looky here what they have to say about that:
“For those in a long-term monogamous relationship, fantasizing is “crucial” to the relationship, says Dr. Wendy Walsh. Dr. Lisa Masterson agrees, calling fantasies a form of role play and part of a “healthy” sexual relationship.”
Huh. Very interesting.
FWIW, I’ve never fantasized about someone else during sex (and I sure wouldn’t call that crucial to a healthy monogamous relationship!) , but yes when I’m not so much in the mood sometimes the lights are out (we actually have a bit of fun with that one).
Liz,
I don’t have any problem with sexual fantasy, or turning the lights out from time to time and just letting one’s imagination go. But I do think in a healthy marriage that the majority of the time a husband and wife should be able to have that intimacy where they can look into one another’s eyes as they have sex. It truly adds to the sex and intimacy.
I am actually one of the few Christian bloggers out there that thinks sexual fantasy and couples watching sexy shows together(or even apart and then coming together) is a good thing. Our sexual imagination is a gift from God, not something to be suppressed. As long as we channel that fantasy in healthy ways that do not violate God’s law there is no problem with that.
Congrats Larry 🙂
Larry, while I’m glad ‘God’s word was displayed on a very public stage,’ the article put a very negative spin on the things you said. That’ll just reinforce the negative beliefs some people hold about Christians.
On the other hand its good that more people will know about your blog. After all, I found your site through a video on youtube where they were mentioning you, remember? 🙂
Emily,
Thanks. I realize it will just reinforce negative beliefs that some people hold toward Christians.
But should we do as many church leaders do today and run from duty, honor and commitment in marriage? Should we run from the dirty “s word”(submission) so more people will come into churches that no longer teach about marriage and family from God’s point of view?
The truth is that my articles such these never get much traction:
https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/05/30/12-ways-to-honor-your-wife/
https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/05/30/10-ways-to-know-your-wife/
https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/04/24/7-ways-to-let-your-wife-manage-your-home-2/
https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2014/07/01/how-a-christian-wife-should-handle-a-controlling-husband/
https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2014/07/17/how-to-handle-a-perfectionist-husband/
But you know what? People find this site because of the positions I take calling out the sin of modern feminist views of marriage. Then some men find these posts I have above and realize they were not treating their wives right. I have had several men email me about the posts above and admit that it changed their marriage. They realized they were not honoring their wife, or perhaps not know their wife. It gave them some ideas on how to to talk to her and how to praise her. For some men it helped them to realize how their controlling or perfectionist natures were hurting their relationships with their wives.
And I plan on writing more of these posts encouraging men to be better husbands. I am working on new series now on Christian parenting.
Emily do you realize that other Christian sites that take what the world believes to be a “negative stance” regarding abortion and gay marriage also greatly impact people for Christ. Yes they may turn off many people by proclaiming God’s Word against abortion and gay marriage but they also positively influence the lives of many people.
Stories like this one I posted https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/02/loving-through-the-pain-episode-1/ were a great inspiration to many women.
Take the Duggars – Yes there family has suffered some horrible tragedies recently. Josh is now facing the consequences of his sin. But whether it was before all this, or after all this broke they have always stood for what they believe God’s Word says. They have always taken a lot of flack for their beliefs, and some people have watched the Duggars out of disgust with their lifestyle of Patriarchy, but others have come to see its benefits and have trusted in the Lord because of them.
Well here we go again. A while back I was guy from India. Then I was supposedly a Muslim from the middle east. Now I am supposedly Matt Perkins(which I am not).
The sad truth is that when those who oppose the truth of God’s Word can’t actually attack the principles themselves, they instead go after the messenger. I have had so many people try to report me to facebook, wordpress and google. I have had people try and hack my site.
Why? because I am teaching principles that for most of the history of mankind people accepted. Only in the last century would my views be considered so horrible and repulsive.
Call me a Muslim, or say I am not a Christian. But the Word God stands plainly on my site for all to read:
“I believe that Jesus Christ was the Son of God and God in the flesh. He was the perfect and sinless lamb of God that took away the sins of the world. He was prophet, priest and king. He death on the cross paid for the sins of the world and he arose victoriously on the third day. He sits now at the right hand of God and one day he will return for his own….
I believe the Bible is the perfect, inerrant and inspired Word of God from Genesis to Revelation.
I believe that we must take the Scriptures literally unless the context is specifically speaking symbolically(like in Prophecy) which means the vast majority of Scripture is to be taken literally.”
insanitybytes22, BGR is just preaching what’s in the Bible. According to your line of thinking we should tear out the pages from the bible that support slavery, polygamy, concubinage.
I would argue that culture should submit to Scripture, and not the other way around. The only reason he talks about it so much is beacuse no one else is. And if they are, they’re doing a rubbish job at best.
Yes Larry, I understand that we must preach what the Bible teaches regardless.
But I think you should be a little more subtle. I think I discussed this with you in our very first conversation. Sometimes it is important to dress up your message. For example you could/should use the word ‘revere’ instead of ‘fear.’ A wife should revere her husband. Within the context of what you are saying, both words mean essentially the same thing, but the former is less likely to prey on the sensibilities of your readers, particularly women.
Also, sometimes you don’t have to give so many details. In the post the articles mentioned, even I had trouble with your advice to husbands to not look at their wives faces. You got your point across in the article, you didn’t really have to say that (and I’m not so sure I agree w that advice either.)
These sites (huffpost/dailymail) won’t focus on your good articles. They are sensationalist news websites that focus on getting hits with taglines like ‘wife not enjoying sex? Dont look at her face!’ Don’t make statements like that which give them ammunition to use your blog to paint Christianity in a bad light. Thats all I’m saying. On the other hand.. I’m glad your blog is going viral. hah
It was only practical in the Biblical days, now it’s just archaic.
Then why don’t you teach men who have wives that don’t want to sleep with them to MASTURBATE!? Did they only marry so they can have a wench they can have sex with anytime they want? Your ideal marriage is like prostitution except it’s a life long commitment.
Breathe Honestly. Patriarchy is biblical. Serial monogomy and casual sex are what is truly archaic. It was practiced by the ancient heathen nations and is previlant in modern society, leading to our downfall.
The nations that practiced biblical patriarchy were blessed because it is a system that promotes Godly values that permiate all aspects of society.
The nations that practiced serial monogomy and casual sex were cursed because there was a discarding of those values which blead into other areas of society.