“My daughter is 15 years old and told her counselor that she is having gender identity issues. She says she is a boy in a girl’s body. She knows her father and I believe what the Bible says and that we are not going to allow her to identify as a male. She recently told her teen counselor that she is depressed and had thought about suicide but does not intend to act on those thoughts. What do I do?”
I received this cry for help from a heart broken Christian mother. The issue of transgenderism as well as homosexuality has become front and center in American culture since the Supreme Court recently granted homosexuals the right to marry. This has now opened the door for court battles regarding transgenderism.
What is the difference between homosexuality, bisexuality and transgenderism?
Homosexuality and Bisexuality refer to a person’s sexual orientation.
If a person has homosexual tendencies this means they are only attracted to people of the same sex. Some people have bisexual tendencies meaning they are attracted to both male and females and could carry on relationships with either sex.
Transgenderism has to do with what gender a person identifies themselves with as opposed to what gender they are attracted to. Not all transgender people are homosexual or bisexual but many are. Conversely, just because a person has homosexual tendencies does not mean they want to be a different gender.
What does the Bible say about transgenderism?
The Bible clearly condemns transgenderism as a sin against God. Men must live and appear as men and women must live and appear as women.
“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.” – Deuteronomy 22:5(KJV)
In many ways transgenderism is even more difficult to deal with as a parent or loved one than homosexuality. Homosexuality can be hidden. Transgenderism cannot be. If someone is transgender and they practice it at all it is like holding up a sign to the world “something is wrong with me”.
In the vast majority of cases even if a person with a sexual identity disorder has sex change surgery(or what they now are calling “gender confirmation surgery”) you can still sense their true sex. Just because you put breasts on a man does not make him look like a woman. If you remove a woman’s breasts it will not take away the curves of her hips or the feminine features of her face.
What does the Bible say about homosexuality?
The Bible clearly condemns the gay and lesbian lifestyles as a sin against God. Men are not to engage in sexual relations with men nor are women to engage in sexual relations with women:
“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” – Leviticus 18:22 (KJV)
“22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.” – Romans 1:22-32 (KJV)
This issue of transgenderism and homosexuality is not a gray area in the Christian faith.
God calls it an abomination for a person to either dress like the opposite sex (transgenderism) or engage in sex with the one’s same gender (homosexuality).
We are living in an age when our culture thinks they are don’t need God anymore. Our modern culture is now wiser than the God of some “old dusty book” as I often hear them tell me in emails. But God says they have become fools.
Transgenderism – the next assault on God’s Word and religious liberty
The Supreme Court’s decision to grant the right of gay marriage in June of 2015 has opened the flood gates to assaults on religious liberty. Transgenderism is the next major battle in that assault.
For example, Michigan is one of many states considering granting new transgender rights to students in schools.
“Michigan’s State Board of Education has drafted a guidance that would push the state’s schools to allow all students, regardless of parental or doctoral input, to choose their gender, name, pronouns, and bathrooms…
“The responsibility for determining a student’s gender identity rests with the student. Outside confirmation from medical or mental health professionals, or documentation of legal changes, is not needed,” the guidance states…
The guidance informs schools that “Students should be allowed to use the restroom in accordance with their gender identity.”…
Locker rooms also should become inclusive of students’ many gender identities. “A student should not be required to use a locker room that is incongruent with their gender identity,” the guidance states… “Locker room usage should be determined on a case-by-case basis, using the guiding principles of safety and honoring the student’s gender identity and expression.”
http://dailycaller.com/2016/03/21/michigan-schools-to-let-students-choose-gender-name-and-bathroom/
This is the insanity and wickedness that we now face as a nation.
Now that we have identified transgenderism and homosexuality as abominations before God and we have also shown the reality of this threat to our culture we will now bring this back to Christian parents facing this issue.
This issue hits close to home for me
My brother is a practicing homosexual. He has a partner that he has been with for many years. In many ways my brother is one of the most decent men you would ever meet. He is kind and generous to those around him. He has a very empathetic nature.
About 20 years ago when my brother first revealed he was a homosexual I faced a range of emotions from anger to hurt. My parents did as well. We were raised together in conservative Baptist churches and we knew the Word of God. My brother left the church and Christianity completely when he realized the faith he was raised in was incompatible with his homosexual lifestyle. Later God revealed to me that I needed to stop shunning my brother and instead show him the love of Christ.
In my defense though – it was not all me. My brother was pretty belligerent there for a while throwing his lifestyle in our face and mocking and ridiculing our Christian faith. So there was a time when I felt separation from him was justified. But over many years he came to act more respectful toward mine and my parent’s faith and we have learned to be able to have peaceful times with each other at various family gatherings.
I love my brother very much. There is no contradiction between the fact that I love my brother yet I hate the sin of homosexuality that he lives in. This is something that is very hard for many Christians to accept as well as homosexuals.
Homosexuals might ask “How can you love me but not accept my homosexuality?” and transgender’s might ask “How can you love me but not accept my gender change?” These kinds of questions are asked by many homosexual and transgender people to their Christian loved ones all the time.
The fact is we can love our homosexual and transgender relatives, coworkers and neighbors because this is how God loves us. We love the sinner and hate the sin.
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8 (KJV)
God loved us “while we were yet sinners” and that means we can love people who are homosexuals or transgender while they are yet sinners.
But I have never allowed my brother to cause me to compromise my faith. He knows I would never attend a gay wedding if he and his partner had one and invited us. I will never tell him that I accept and approve of his homosexual lifestyle. I have taught my children since they were young that what their uncle is doing is a grave sin before God. My brother also knows I will not back away from endorsing political movements that will protect religious liberty for Christians in opposing homosexuality and transgenderism.
Now we will discuss ways that parents can confront transgenderism and homosexuality with their teenagers.
7 Steps for Christian parents to confront transgenderism and homosexuality in their teenagers
So you have just found out from your teenager that they are struggling with transgender tendencies or homosexual tendencies. Here are steps as a Christian parent that you should take.
Step 1 – Acknowledge your hurt and disappointment
“The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” – Psalm 34:17 (KJV)
You cannot deny or suppress your hurt in this moment. You need to let it out. Cry out to God. You need to cry. You need to seek out the support of your Pastor and other close Christian friends.
Step 2 – Speak the truth in love
“14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:” – Ephesians 4:15 (KJV)
Speak the truth of the Word of God to your teen in a loving way. Explain to them from the Scriptures that God condemns this type of behavior – whether it be transgender behavior or homosexual behavior.
Step 3 – Tell them that God did NOT make them this way
“Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.” – Psalm 51:5 (KJV)
“So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:” – I Corinthians 15:42 (KJV)
The Bible is clear that “male and female created he them”(Genesis 1:27) and throughout the Scriptures we find that any deviation we see in our world from this is a result of the corruption of sin in the world and in our bodies. No gay, lesbian or transgender person can Biblically say “God made me this way”.
God did not make gays, lesbians or transgenders the way they are – sin made them that way.
The struggle your teen faces with gender identity disorders or homosexual temptations is not a struggle against cultural prejudices but rather it is a struggle against the corruption of sin that is in their body.
God did not make us with sinful habits and desires – we inherited that from our father Adam:
“Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:” – Romans 5:12 (KJV)
Step 4 – Tell them that God wants them to be renewed their minds
“22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.” – Ephesians 4:22:-24 (KJV)
In the same way that people with other defects must overcome their defects so too God calls on those who struggle with transgender and homosexual desires to see these desires as a sinful corruption of their mind and they must resist these urges and thoughts.
Step 5 – Tell them they cannot do this alone and they will need to depend on God and others for strength
“The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.” – Psalm 18:2 (KJV)
Try and get them to a professional Christian counselor or Pastor that specializes in helping teens who struggle with transgender and homosexual desires.
Step 6 – Tell them that God can and will help them beat this temptation if they will let him
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” – I Corinthians 10:13 (KJV)
Many people act as if it is impossible for a person to overcome the temptations of transgenderism and homosexuality. But there are many Christians who have done this and gone on to live normal lives that are pleasing to God. It might be helpful to lookup some Christian ministries and stories of gay and transgender teens that have gone on to live normal lives.
Pray with them daily and tell them to pray by themselves as well daily. They need to bring their struggle to God on a daily basis.
Step 7 – Tell them that your love for them and God’s love for them has not changed because they struggle with this temptation
“38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39 (KJV)
We all face different temptations due to the corruption of our bodies by the presence of sin in the world and our inherited sin nature from Adam. We must show our children the love of God – he truly wants to help us and renew our minds if we will let him and depend on him.
My teen struggles with suicidal thoughts how should I deal with this?
This is extremely common for teens who struggle with transgender and homosexual desire to also struggle with suicidal thoughts. This is yet another reason to get your teen into a good Christian counselor who can not only help them with their transgender or homosexual temptations but also the accompanying suicidal thoughts that come with it.
Even teens who struggle with transgender desires and homosexual desires who do not come from Christian homes struggle with suicidal thoughts. The reason for this is that even our corrupt world knows deep down that transgender behavior and homosexual behavior goes against the laws of nature. We can try and pretend that it does not – but we know it does.
Be ready for your faith to be tested
There are few things in this world that will test your faith more than when your own child tells you that you they are struggling with transgender or homosexual desires. It becomes even worse when they reject their faith and choose their transgender or homosexual desires over their faith. They may even make you choose between your faith and accepting their new lifestyle. They may threaten to commit suicide if you do not deny your faith and embrace their sin.
But remember the words of Christ:
“He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” – Matthew 10:37 (KJV)
You cannot deny your faith in order to appease your teen’s sin. Tell them you love them but you cannot deny God or his Word. If they choose to depart from you because you will not deny your faith then you must let them depart and give them over to God.
Conclusion
Dealing with transgenderism and homosexuality in one’s family or one’s church is not an easy thing to do. In fact is heartbreaking. I have personally experienced this with my brother and I also experienced this with people in the church I attend. But even in the midst of the darkness – God can receive glory in these things. While it is so sad when some teens choose their corrupted sexuality over their faith, it is a glorious thing when other teens choose God over their flesh and he transforms their life.
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – II Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)
Check out this link from Focus on the Family that has many helpful resources for helping people overcome transgender and homosexual temptations:
Biblical Gender Roles 
when my mom left my dad (after all us kids were grown and on our own), she moved cross-country and later brought her girlfriend with her. she’s far away from all of us, so we don’t know everything, but when she left our dad, she left all of us and doesn’t keep up with any of us. it wasn’t a change for me, but it was for my siblings as she began to treat them, and their children, the way she’d always treated me and mine. I can’t verify it, but I believe she’s attending a gay church, and she uses God to justify her choices. I just stay away, don’t engage with her. she’s mentioned teaching a bible study and the women just loving what she has to say.
I have to add that my dad is not better than she. they’re both screwed up. one of my siblings believes based on some solid evidence that before my mom left, my mom was sleeping with this one girl, and my dad was sleeping with the girl’s sister. and yes, they both claim to be Christians. I stay away from my dad, too, and don’t engage him. they both abused me growing up and are still not safe for me, or my kids, to be around.
I attended a breakfast for pastors today. A young man, who I think is the son of the founder of the church, was the main speaker. He said instead of criticizing the brethren who are different from us, we need to realize that God gave us different giftings. An example he gave us was of a pastor that he met at a conference who has long hair and wears makeup, even though he is a man. He says that this pastor loves God with all of his heart!
Doesn’t the way that we dress reveal what’s in our heart? Like most of the Pentecostal churches where I live, the church that I have been attending lately likes to use heavy metal for their time of praise. Last Sunday, one of the young women who was leading worship wore a mini-skirt (that is, a dress that showed half of her thigh when she was standing up). I have discussed both of these issues with the pastor and he said basically that he would look into it (this young lady is one of his nieces). If I don’t see any positive changes with these issues, I will be attending another church.
I remember when the praise and worship in churches truly glorified God. People leading the worship dressed in a manner that glorified God. Today, with the introduction of rock music in the services, here where I live the young people leading the worship with a band wear T-shirts, blue jeans (faded), and tennis shoes. Many have spiked hair. However, many pastors believe that you can use any type of music as long as the words glorify God. But, the Bible and scientific studies prove that rock music cannot be used to glorify God! It is like putting a gold ring in a pig’s snout. It is still a pig!
So, because most of the church in the free world has lost the reverence for God, we now have “gay Christians”, girls dressing like prostitues in the churches, and a number of people in the churches having sex outside of marriage. Rock music in the church is only one of the signs of the loss of reverence for God.
What does the bible say about hermaphroditism/ intersex individuals?
@Missionary
Though I disagree with your view on ‘rock’ music in the church I do agree with the issue of church dress. Women in the churches have started dressing more and more like they are going to a club rather than going to worship and learn about God. Unfortunately they either don’t have husbands to tell them to dress more appropriately or their husbands don’t have the guts to tell them to cover their bodies. My wife will sometimes ask me if something she is wearing is appropriate, and it if is not then I tell her (I also tell her that if she has to ask then she probably needs to change). I have recounted a story in the past about a guest speaker we had at a church I used to attend who gave a message on modest dress. The ladies of the church reported being ‘mortified’ and he was never invited back again. Rather than ask WHY they felt mortified by looking at their own fashion they decided to kick a good preacher out of the church, and their husbands backed them every step of the way, even doing their dirty work for them.
Again I would disagree about the type of music involved in the church. I have always hated rap music, but over the past few years I have been listening to the likes of Lecrae and KJ-52 (one of my favorite artists out there. I met him and totally geeked out.). The lyrics of their music are exceptionally strong and unmistakeably point toward Christ – maybe more so even than some of the pop type worship music out there. I would highly recommend giving some a listen. Also the latest album by the group Stryper (no affiliation with Ted Cruz!) contains INCREDIBLE worship music that glorifies God in a powerful way! I listen to Christian radio, but I know the majority of the music on there is ‘feel good’ music. It mentions God, but it is not real PRAISE music (there is a difference), but you can find good praise music in almost any genre. Does not the bible even say ‘make a joyful NOISE unto the Lord’?
As for the issue of transgendered children – this is a very sad thing that is being pushed by the state, our society and even by some in the church. Jesus said:
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!” (Matthew 18:6-7)
Woe to those who push this upon children, warping their minds and causing them confusion. But moreso woe to those in the church who turn a blind eye to scripture and run with this. Those people will go through this life thinking they are in God’s good grace, but will stand before Him in judgement, much to their dismay. The bible is VERY clear on how God views homosexuality, and transgenderism is a gateway to it. I pray my kids never go through such confusion, but if they do I will be very clear on the fact that we love them and that they need to change their thinking because it goes counter to Gods design. If they choose to continue in their disobedience then I would certainly no longer accept them in my home. The bible is clear that those who claim to be believers but still live in sin will be outcast:
Matthew 18:
15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’[b] 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
If we continue to treat those living in sin like they are doing nothing wrong there is no impetus to change, they don’t see any difference in their lives. Though it may break our hearts to do so, we may need to do as the Lord does and release them to their own base desires, to suffer the consequences of their actions. Of course, we continue to pray for them, and are always ready to accept them and care for them should they finally decide to repent of their sin and return to their Fathers waiting arms.
Here is a sample of KJ-52’s music, if anyone is willing to listen. He raps about the elements of his shows, the mic, the turntable, the spray paint (he does sanctioned graffiti art for the churches he visits) and, always, the final element – Christ. It’s a great song. I used to hate rap music, not so much for the music but for the content. Okay, early Christian rap I didn’t like because of the music….it was pretty bad, but some of these guys are great, and rap music is an awesome delivery device for the gospel because the words can be much more clearly heard and are woven together as a story in ways a typical song cannot be. Anyhow, enjoy:
Okay, I had to throw this song in as well. It’s a unique tale of two men, one a believer and one a non-believer who have an interaction with one another that leads to their deaths. It’s a stark example of what we have to look forward to if we don’t have Christ, and if we do.
Snapper –
hope it’s okay … for those of us who really just don’t like the sound of the music … here are links to the lyrics:
5th Element: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kj52/5thelement.html
Life After Death: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kj52/lifeafterdeath.html
Missionary,
On the issue of Christian rock or what is now called CCM I could not disagree with you more. The Lord has so blessed my heart through the years through musicians like Casting Crowns, Big Daddy Weave,Tenth Avenue North, Chris Tomlin, Side Walk Prophets and many others.
I would agree with you that some women dress in appropriately for church and husbands need to be keeping their husbands in line about this. I also agree that women should dress like women and men should dress and appear as men.
Emma,
No the Bible does not directly address these individuals. But since we know that God says “male and female created he them” (Genesis 1:27) then we know God did not create hermaphroditism. This like many other deformities is a result of the corruption of sin in the world. Now in the case of a hermaphrodite there is a difference between them and a person suffering from gender identity disorder or sexual orientation disorders. The hermaphrodite if they are a true hermaphrodite have both XX and XY chromosomes. But even in this case usually one is more dominate than the other – XX may be more dominate or the XY may be more dominate. In this case the parents of the child should help to decide what gender the child will live as. The truth is that in most cases of hermaphrodite they actually have XX chromosomes so they are technically female but they had a large dose of testosterone while in the womb which caused them as female to develop some male features(including extra male genitals).
So hermaphroditism is a physical deformation while sexual identity disorder and sexual orientation disorders are mental disorders. The Biggest difference between the two is that with hermaphroditism there may be clear doubt because of physical deformities what gender the person is. But when it comes to sexual identity disorder and sexual orientation disorders there is no doubt what the person’s physical gender is. In this case a person is held accountable for what they know – and they know what gender their body is and they must choose to follow God’s law and live as that gender. In the other case with hermaphroditism God only holds a person accountable for what they know and if they don’t know I believe God grants grace in this case for a person to seek medical and other help for determining their gender.
Awww. It’s tough to take in the gravity of the lyrics without the music though. Notice the change in tempo and the focus placed on the lyrics about Christ. Very heavy stuff, and this isn’t even his heaviest. I actually like the genre without there being a foul word every other sentence (or any sentence, for that matter).
i’m one of those weird people who is super-sensitive to sound. i can go through a whole day and not have any sound on … no music, no tv, nothing. and i can NOT have two sounds going on at one time … ie – the tv and music and/or talking. that makes it a bit frustrating with 3 teenagers who love music, games, tv, etc. but it’s like nails on a chalkboard for me. i also can NOT listen to music or tv or any sound if concentrating on something. i have to make everyone turn off all sounds in the house. and i cannot stand watching a movie with any distractions – no talking, no food, no moving around.
sooo … i’m sure the music is wonderful … as a matter of fact, i’ll share these w/my kids, and they’ll probably love them (i’ve shared other music you’ve posted w/them and they loved it). but … i honestly do love reading lyrics without the music (though i do love music; just not *all* music). for me, there’s something very powerful reading the written word in silence.
but … drives.my.family.nuts!
as a matter of fact – HUGE marriage saver in our home … wireless headphones for the tv cause my husband loves watching tv shows i hate … and loves just having the sound on. ameonmeltdownameonmeltdownameonmeltdown!
Snapper,
Like sex and many other things in life, I equate music with food. We all have different tastes and preferences. My 16 year old son likes Christian rap and other types of harder CCM music. Our church during youth conferences will have CCM bands come in that play music we would not use during the main worship service. Some think this is wrong – I do not.
Consider this. My church has a lot of potluck dinners. So in this potluck everyone brings a dish. Some people bring hot and spicy mexican and thai foods while other bring the traditional american foods of mash potatoes and roast beef. Imagine if everyone there was forced to put every type of food on their plate instead of being able to choose the traditional vs the spicy? I see music as the same. That is why I think it is appropriate for churches to keep the heavy rock and rap music to you youth services and keep the more traditional(including some softer CCM) in other services.
I think that Christian rap could definitely be used to spread the Gospel to the youth especially in urban cities. But I don’t think we should force those to who this “spicy food” might be less palatable to have to consume it.
Do you believe that same sex attraction is a sin as well or only if the attraction is acted upon?
@Ninja,
A person who has same sex attraction must realize that this attraction they feel toward the opposite sex is a corruption of God’s design of sexuality. This is a part of them that has been broken by sin. So in a sense yes the very attraction itself is sin because it is a corruption of God’s design for sex.
God cares about not just our actions – but our thoughts and desires as well. If we entertain wicked thoughts or desires that is sin too. This is why God tells us that we must put away wicked imaginations and take every thought captive to Christ:
So if a person has same sex attraction they must work very hard not to entertain that attraction but whenever those thoughts come in their mind they must give them to Christ.
Think of it this way – if a man is a pedophile and is sexually aroused by prepubescent children is that attraction ok as long as he does not act on it? No way. He needs to take every thought he has about that and regard it as evil and give it to Christ. It is no different for people who have same sex attraction.
I am not saying this is easy. I have seen the struggle with this up front and personal with people I have known. Good people who love God.
OK. Just found out yesterday that my 21 year old daughter believes she *is supposed to be* a man. She turned her back on the Christian faith years ago and embraced Wicca. (“As a lifestyle, not a religion, dad.”) How am I supposed to express the unconditional love of Christ to her when I simply can NOT support her “transition”. (Not to deny her feelings on the issue. She’s the one living in her skin, not me…)
While I appreciate the “hope” and “promise” of “healing in The Lord”, why is there no preparation for losing one’s child because they don’t see our love of them as they think they ought to be? They see our rejection of their predilections as a rejection of their “true self”. So they turn their back on “hateful”, “bigoted”, “transphobic” parents “who never really loved them, or they would accept me for who I ‘really’ am”.
“The World will hate you because it hated Me.” If our loved ones are living in The World, we need to be prepared for them to hate us for not “celebrating” them in an LGBT-approved manner.
I have yet to speak with my daughter since piecing together her desire to be a man. It makes absolutely no sense to me. Apparently she hid this from us extremely well. It doesn’t help that we live in a culture that is explicitly anti-Christian, and reinforces ANYTHING instead of a Christian response to this psychological issue. We are EXPECTED to join in the triumphalist cry that has thrown off the “outdated, victorian, prude, sexual mores of a stone-age, mythical sky-father.” If not, we are cast out… Even of the lives of those we love dearest in this world.
I fear that the most I can give will still be seen as a rejection. It’s a price I don’t want to pay. But sometimes we are called to pay such a price. (Matt 10:37-38; Luke 14:26-27)
But aren’t we called to show the Love of Christ? The love that met people *where they are*? Jesus met with shake-down men, whores, pickpockets, addicts, street-people, and the like… All to the consternation of the religious leaders of the day. What was the central issue of Jesus personal ministry? “You are worthy as you are. However, as you are is not what God intends you to be. Allow God to fill the void in your soul and NOT The World, and you will find peace.”
Sorry for the ramble… I’m “stream of consciousness” posting as I work a few things out. My overarching dilemma: How do you tell someone you love them when they are engaging in something you believe is 100% wrong, immoral, and self-destructive? Do you support them in their endeavors to engage in that lifestyle, or do you tell them that you do NOT support them, but that you still love them and that you hope they come to their senses? If you didn’t love them, you wouldn’t tell them you believed what they were doing was wrong!
Craig,
I am so sorry to hear about what is happening with your daughter. I will never forget my dad weeping when my brother announced to the family he was gay. It was one only a few times in my life I have seen my father cry.
Our ungodly world focuses on the pain and sorrow of LGBT people but they could care less about your pain.
We have to ask ourselves when we feel sorrow…is it godly sorrow or is it self inflicted pain because we refuse accept God’s design and order?
As it relates to your daughter you need to practice the Christian principle of loving the sinner and hating the sin. If she forces you to either full embrace and honor her choice or have nothing to do with you than the choice is clear. You let her go and give her to God. But if she is willing to accept that you feel this is sin and a sinful lifestyle she is choosing then you should try to have some relationship with her as hard as it will be at first.
As a Christian parent, should one rather see their child commit suicide than accept them being transgender or homosexual?
Erin,
If a person is a true believer in Christ and they believe his word then they know God calls on them to put him first even if it means the loss of their job, their freedom, their life and yes even their child’s life.
As I said in the post Christian parents still need to show their children the love of Christ.
But Christ loves us while hating our sin. We can love our children yet not approve of their choices.
I have a transgender daughter and fully support her. I have been Methodist my whole life and it breaks my heart when people use the Bible to attack my child. If you are going to use the Bible then you are for slavery which is discussed in the Bible more then homosexuality. You “cafeteria Christians” make me question my religious faith.
Ross,
I am the farthest from a “cafeteria Christian” that you will ever find. I accept the whole Bible from Genesis to Revelation. But I also understand that we don’t live in the nation of Israel as a theocracy and the New Covenant has come. Things like stoning for adultery were civil punishments prescribed for Israel as theocracy and these things were never given to the church.
On the issue of slavery – yes slavery is allowed by God in the Old Testament and the Apostles exhort slaves to obey and serve well their masters in the New Testament. But the Bible only allows slavery under certain conditions – parents selling their children(in most cases because they were poor), buying existing slaves from other slave owners and taking captives of war as slaves. The Bible forbids kidnapping as a form of enslaving someone. It also does not condone enslaving people based on their race as America did. It also prescribes humane treatment for slaves(again something that American slavery did not do).
You can read my complete article on this here https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/07/10/why-christians-shouldnt-be-ashamed-of-slavery-in-the-bible/
Again slavery is allowable – but it is not required. Our government does not allow slavery and I am fine with that. However if that changed and our government allowed it following the rules of the Bible and legislating humane treatment of slaves I would not be against it.
And about your child – I was not attacking a person but rather attacking sin. We are all sinners from birth. We are born with the “birth defect” of sin and it looks different in each one of us. Some people are born the birth defect of transgender and homosexual issues. It does not mean that God does not love them or that we as parents should not love our children who struggle with these defects. But we MUST acknowledge these things as defects cause by the corruption of God given natures by sin.
In Genesis 1:27 it states “male and female created he them”. God did not create transgenders, intersex or homosexuals in the same way he did not create conjoined twins or children born with other defects. These conditions exist because of the corrupting influence of sin upon God’s creation.
Yes God loves all these people – but there are some things that are sinful if acted upon. It is not a sin for a person to struggle with transgender desires(the desire to live as a man if they are a woman or the desire to live as a woman if they are man). The temptation is not sin – it is when they act on these temptations actually carry through with living differently than they were born that they sin. We as Christians are to honor that fact that God made male and female – nothing more and nothing less.
I am a bisexual teenager. I have thought about killing myself several times (not because I am bi, but for other reasons that is not the case), the only thing that prevents me from committing suicide is because it is sin, and whoever destroys the temple of the Holy Spirit, God will destroy it. 1 Corinthians 3: 16,17.
I see people who make excuses to practice homosexuality because they were born that way, but I prefer to keep my body from this practice. When I come face to face with God I want to ask Him why I am like this, maybe I’m even a vessel of wrath.
Erina,
Your Statement:
I respectfully disagree with the reason you feel suicidal. It is in fact because you are Bi. Homosexuals, Bisexuals and Transsexuals have a much higher incidence of feelings of suicide and this is because in their heart they know what feel about sex or their gender identity is against nature and against God’s design as Romans 1:18-28 shows us.
The reason you are Bi, the reason some are homosexual and the reason some are transexual and the reason others have sadistic tendencies in sex(get off on causing others pain) is because of the corruption of sin in the world. We are all corrupted in different ways. But God calls us to fight against the corruption of sin in us each day of our lives until he gives us new bodies.
You recognize your sinful inclinations and that is great – you simply need to continue fighting them each day with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Thank you for the post.
I am in the first 48 hours of finding out. So many things to think about, some of the things here are heartening, although it’s kind of odd we went on the music tangent.
Anyhow, my son who works at his local church is going on a two week trip to Vegas with a friend that he has been visiting in Ohio for a year or so. Let’s call this friend Patrice for purposes of confidentiality. After my son’s struggle with social behaviors I always thought we’re on the autism spectrum I was glad to see he found someone who would accept his Christian faith. He recently showed me a picture of Patrice and the new car Patrice purchased from the job at which Patrice works. I was joyful and congratulatory. I did as any parent would and decided to have a look at social media to see what my future grandchildren might look like. That pit in my stomach grew quickly as it was clear Patrice is really Patrick with an unmistakable Adam’s apple.
I’ve called some Christian friends and spoken to friends who have had different brushes with homosexuality in children or spouses. I, sadly, am a pretty poor Christian. I have been a poor example of a Christian father. My son’s mother and I are divorced going on 8 years now and while I’ve always believed that Christi’s our savior, I have not attended on a regular basis as I should. I’m sure a lot of this can be laid at my feet. For 23 years his mother and I fought and when it came to anything I thought important (sports, chores, work ethic, discipline, choice of religion) I would most often give in for the sake of peace-happy wife, happy life.
I think it is fair to say we put our best efforts into our children and neglected each and God along the way. So when I discovered the Patrice/Patrick issue I texted her and asked how much he knew about Patrice/Patrick before they go on this trip together. My former spouse said “he (our son) has been out to visit her several times in the last year and she’s been here to visit a couple times and she is delightful. I have never seen him (our son) happier”. I responded that Patrice’s page has references to formerly being Patrick and wanted to know if (our son) was aware as he had tried to date girls before who ended up being lesbian and had his heart broken”. After about an hour she replied “He is aware. We (she and new fiancé) fully support this relationship”. I thanked her for her honesty.
I am still trying to wrap my head around it all. I haven’t called my son yet because I’m usually someone who is as tactful as a badger at a birthday party. The biblical arguments are valid but so many in society dismiss anything biblical without even listening because of the (insert your rhetoric)phobia.
So I’ve always made the rational thought arguments to augment. If I put on makeup or a hat, I can’t become another nationality or race yet if someone puts on make or a fake bra they suddenly become a woman, this is clearly insanity, right? Isn’t this an insult to what being a woman really is? Also this transgender phenomenon affects the rights of other people. Because a person is pretending to another gender, I am now expected to change my language, my free speech to say something is that other than the truth.
Obviously I can’t lead with that and expect to have a decent relationship with my son. I want to speak with him once before he goes out west but I’m trying to figure out what this is going to look like. If we discuss the transition I am pretty sure neither of us is going to change each other’s minds. Apparently the new friend likes/owns golden retrievers, I guess that is something we have in common. Do I start there? Thank you for this post, this venue, for sharing God’s advice, and in advance for anything you have to offer.
Cliff,
I am sorry to hear of the trouble you having with your son. I can only imagine what how it would feel to find out the girl my son has been dating is really a guy that is trans.
The Scriptures I have presented in this article are clear – both homosexuality and transgenderism are sin. If your son is involved in an intimate sexual relationship with this other man who is trying to be a woman he is engaging in homosexual behavior.
The question is what will you do? You have talked about having “a decent relationship with my son” and while that is not a bad desire to have you need to remember your relationship with God is the most important relationship you have.
You cannot in any way endorse, or give aid and comfort or take any pleasure in your son’s relationship with this other man.
For instance – if your son does marry this other man(and that is what he is – make no mistake) you cannot attend the wedding or giving any help to him or endorsement of this wedding. This is not a marriage and there entire relationship is an abomination before God.
Now if your son agrees to some boundaries and to respect your faith and its teachings then you may be able to have a relationship. My brother married his partner many years ago. None of us went to the wedding nor were we invited because he knew how we felt. But he and this other man he has been in a homosexual relationship with do come to family gatherings like Christmas maybe once a year(they live out of state). So when they come we are respectful toward them and they toward us in not being overtly physical toward each other in our presence.
You must set these same boundaries with your son if you are to have a relationship with him – because remember you relationship with God trumps all other relationships and God does not want you showing the least amount of approval to what your son is doing.
May God grant you strength and wisdom to do what you must.
Hi, do you do counseling? I have a friend who is trans, thinks she is a guy, and I’m not sure how to best love her and encourage her to Christ at the same time.
Have any resources?
Ruth,
No I don’t do that sort of counseling – and that something that really is a process. I would look to a local Bible preaching church in your area, they may be able to help you.
Larry