Can Christian Man Marry A Woman Intending to Tame Her?

Can a Christian man marry a feminist Christian woman with the intent of taming her like Petruchio did with Katherine in Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew”? Or must a Christian husband always seek a woman who is submissive and believes in and follows Biblical gender roles?

Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew”

Here are some excerpts from synopsis of Taming of the Shrew by

“In the Italian city of Padua, a rich young man named Lucentio arrives with his servants, Tranio and Biondello, to attend the local university. Lucentio is excited to begin his studies, but his priorities change when he sees Bianca, a beautiful, mild young woman with whom Lucentio instantly falls in love. There are two problems: first, Bianca already has two suitors, Gremio and Hortensio; second, Bianca’s father, a wealthy old man named Baptista Minola, has declared that no one may court Bianca until first her older sister, the vicious, ill-tempered Katherine, is married…

The Katherine problem is solved for Bianca’s suitors when Hortensio’s friend Petruchio, a brash young man from Verona, arrives in Padua to find a wife. He intends to marry a rich woman, and does not care what she is like as long as she will bring him a fortune. He agrees to marry Katherine sight unseen. The next day, he goes to Baptista’s house to meet her, and they have a tremendous duel of words. As Katherine insults Petruchio repeatedly, Petruchio tells her that he will marry her whether she agrees or not. He tells Baptista, falsely, that Katherine has consented to marry him on Sunday. Hearing this claim, Katherine is strangely silent, and the wedding is set.

On Sunday, Petruchio is late to his own wedding, leaving Katherine to fear she will become an old maid. When Petruchio arrives, he is dressed in a ridiculous outfit and rides on a broken-down horse. After the wedding, Petruchio forces Katherine to leave for his country house before the feast, telling all in earshot that she is now his property and that he may do with her as he pleases. Once they reach his country house, Petruchio continues the process of “taming” Katherine by keeping her from eating or sleeping for several days—he pretends that he loves her so much he cannot allow her to eat his inferior food or to sleep in his poorly made bed

Katherine and Petruchio soon return to Padua to visit Baptista. On the way, Petruchio forces Katherine to say that the sun is the moon and that an old man is really a beautiful young maiden. Since Katherine’s willfulness is dissipating, she agrees that all is as her husband says

At the banquet following Hortensio’s wedding to the widow, the other characters are shocked to see that Katherine seems to have been “tamed”—she obeys everything that Petruchio says and gives a long speech advocating the loyalty of wives to their husbands. When the three new husbands stage a contest to see which of their wives will obey first when summoned, everyone expects Lucentio to win. Bianca, however, sends a message back refusing to obey, while Katherine comes immediately. The others acknowledge that Petruchio has won an astonishing victory, and the happy Katherine and Petruchio leave the banquet to go to bed.”

A lot of Christians who are ignorant of history and even the Bible would say a person is wrong for marrying for economic reasons. If you believe that, I would invite you to read the story of Ruth in the Bible.  She married Boaz to redeem her mother-in-law’s husband’s family land.  We falsely have been taught today that a person must marry because they first “fall in love with a person” – that command is found nowhere in the Bible. It is wishful thinking, mostly on the part of women.   Some will say – what about Jacob? He loved Rachel so much he served seven years for her.  But again, this is not a command, it is an example. And why did he love her? Check the story – it was because of how beautiful she was.

And let’s not forget Jacob’s mother and father. What a whirlwind romance they had right? They just met each other and went into his mother’s tent had sex and became man and wife.  No long courtship, no discussion.   Isaac followed his father’s advice for him in finding a wife and Rebekah followed her father’s command for her to go back and marry Isaac.  It was that simple.

But the most important question the Taming of the Shrew presents us with is whether or not it is sinful or immoral for a Christian man to marry a rebellious woman with the intention of taming her into submission?

However, before we can answer this question, we must first answer another very important question for Christians.

Can a Christian Marry an Unbeliever?

In 2 Corinthians 6:14-17 the Apostle Paul gives the following command regarding Christians entering into relationships with non-believers:

“14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.”

As we can see from the above Scriptures, it is clear that believers are not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.

This is why a Christian church has no business having an inter-faith conference with the Muslim church down the street. And it is also why a Christian man or woman can never enter into the most intimate of human relationships God ever designed which is marriage, with a non-believer.

Some Christians have falsely used 1 Corinthians 7:13-16 to say that the Apostle Paul was ok with Christians marrying non-Christians:

“13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?”

However, such an interpretation betrays the entire context of the passage which Paul states in verse 20 of this same chapter:

“Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.”

Paul is saying that if you become a believer and your spouses does not come to the faith as you have that you are to remain with them if they want to stay.  He is not saying it is ok for a Christian to purposefully marry a non-believer which would then conflict with what he said in 2 Corinthians 6:14-17.

Now that we have established this important principle of the Scriptures, we can go on to answer the question at the center of this article.

Can a Christian Man Marry a Christian Feminist Woman with the Intent to Tame Her?

Throughout the Bible God’s relationship with humanity is pictured in two different ways.  As individuals our relationship with God is pictured as a father and child relationship.  But God’s relationship with his people in the collective sense is always pictured as that of a husband to his wife.

We can see this concept shown where God pictures the nation of Israel as a treacherous wife in Jeremiah 3:20:

“Surely as a wife treacherously departeth from her husband, so have ye dealt treacherously with me, O house of Israel, saith the Lord.”

Notice how he refers to his wife – “O house of Israel”.

Now let’s look further in this book to Jeremiah 18:1-6:

“The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying, 2 Arise, and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause thee to hear my words.

3 Then I went down to the potter’s house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. 4 And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.

5 Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying,

6 O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel.”

What do we see here? God presents the picture of a potter who had a marred, meaning it had defects.  So, he reshaped it against as a whole new vessel.  God tells Israel, his wife, that she is like that clay.  He saw defects in her and wanted to reshape her in another vessel but she would not allow him to do so.

Now let’s look to the New Testament in Ephesians 5:25-27:

“25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”

There is an important parallel here between God as a husband to Israel and Christ as a husband to the Church.  How does a potter shape his clay into the form he wishes it to be? He uses water.  In the same way we as Christian husbands are told to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her so he could wash her with “water by the word”, so she would not have “spot, or wrinkle”, so he could present her to “himself a glorious church”.

Why did God want to reshape Israel as his wife? Because she was “marred” which parallels the “spot or wrinkle” shown to us here with Christ and his wife, the Church, in the New Testament.

The point is that God is a consistent husband.  Christ is not a different kind of husband to the Church than God was to Israel.  We as Christian husbands can learn just a much from God’s example as a husband to Israel as we can learn from Christ’s example as a husband to the Church.  This is a fundamental truth that all Christian husbands must embrace.

With that being said can a Christian man marry a Christian woman whom he perceives is marred by feminist tendencies with the intention that he is going to attempt to wash her of those tendencies?

The answer based on God’s own example with both Israel and the Church is a resounding YES!

Am I recommending Men Marry Feminist Women with the Intent to Tame Them?

I have proven the case from the Scriptures that nothing in the Scriptures stops a man from marrying a woman whom he genuinely believes to be a Christian but is marred by feminism.

I made the following statement about my second wife in a post I wrote a few years ago that include my story about how I met my second wife and married her:

“While we were dating, I detected feminist tendencies in her that she had from her upbringing (her mom was a career woman as well).  Her mom even told me on one occasion that she taught her daughters to “be independent and not need a man”.  So even though my wife had become a Christian a few years before she met me, the feminism ran deep in her.  I also detected that her job as a manager might cause some friction in her commitment to our marriage and our home.

But she was so different from my first wife, and such a good Christian woman with great character that I chose to overlook some of these areas that would later come back to haunt me, naively thinking I could help her to see what God says a Christian woman’s priorities should be in regard to her husband, her children and her home.

I mentioned in that same post that my wife displayed many marks of a true believer in Christ.  She was so dedicated to seeing people saved.  She witnessed to her friends at work and relatives and she was concerned for her lost loved ones.  She went on missions’ trips with her church.  I spoke with her Pastor and some deacons at her church and saw in her a woman that had many great character traits and a passion for God.  But she was a new Christian, saved only few years before I met her.

So, I believed when I saw the feminist tendencies in her that I could just teach her and help her to learn those ways were not right.  She told me she believed the passages about submission that I showed her. But she also believed that men and women were equal and she was trying to square that with what the Bible said about submission.

I thought I could wash this feminism from her, but alas after almost 9 years of marriage much of it remains.  There has been some progress and some change but not nearly as much as I had hoped.

The question though is this – does my failure to be able to wash away my wife’s feminism with the Word of God mean that no man could do this with another woman?

The answer is no.  It is in fact possible.

In the three years since I wrote about my story with my failure to completely wash away my wife’s feminism, I have had many men write me telling they had success with their wives in this.  I have actually even had many young women write me telling me that my writings helped to convince them that feminism was wrong and they came out of it on their own before marriage.

So, what is the variable that makes for success in the taming of a feminist Christian wife?  The answer is it comes down to whether the woman will recognize this sinful thought process in her own life and then allow her husband in conjunction with the Holy Spirit to wash it from her.

In James 1:23-24 the Bible tells us about a man looking in a glass seeing his reflection:

“23 For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: 24 For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.”

Now let’s apply what James is saying to a feminist Christian wife.  A man can take his wife to the spiritual mirror which is the Word of God.  He can show her the reflection of herself.  He can show her the sin of feminism all over her face.  But she must choose to humble herself before God and accept what she sees right there in the mirror.  She must then submit herself to her husband’s washing and see him as a God given instrument for sanctification in her life.

Some may argue “Well I am fine with trying to tame her before marriage, but you should not marry her until she is completely tamed of feminism”.  And I understand where that thinking comes from.   But just because something presents a lot more risk does not make it wrong.  Marriage itself is a risk.  Even marriage to a woman who seems to be a good Christian and one who fully embraces Biblical gender roles. It is simply a matter of how much risk is involved.

Is This a Change in My Position on Christian Men Marrying Feminist Women?

The answer is Yes. Throughout this ministry over the last four years I have made changes on several positions.  Really – over my entire Christian life I have made changes in my beliefs as the Lord has led me to do so.  We must never be so rigid or get to the point where God cannot change our position on something and teach us new things.

Up until now I have taught people on this blog as well as my own sons that I made a grave mistake in marrying their step mother with the intent to help her understand the errors of her feminist thinking.  I have taught young men on this blog and elsewhere that they should avoid interactions with feminist Christian women and at the first sign of feminist tendencies when dating or courting they should abandon such a woman.

If you or my sons want to follow the advice I have previously given there is no sin in following it still.  If you decide that the potential costs in this spiritual warfare to attempt to tame a feminist Christian wife is too much I completely understand and there is no sin in avoiding feminist women like the plague.

So here is my change. 

I have thought back to when I met my second wife and after I talked to all the people that knew her from her church as well as her family.  My intentions were noble.  I saw the potential in her for change.  I went into this marriage fully intent on washing her feminism away and believing she would allow me over time to do it. I believed her passion to see souls saved would result in a similar passion to conform herself as a wife to the will of God for her life. The problem was not in my intent, but in her continued unwillingness to fully yield to the Holy Spirit on this issue, so in turn she could not fully yield to me either.

If you find a woman who has the markings of a true believer in Christ as my second wife had, but this appears to be a blind spot in her life and you are intent on doing spiritual battle, even if takes the rest of your life married to her, to wash the spiritual wrinkles and spots of feminism from her then this is a noble cause. But be forewarned, this is not for the faint of heart. It could greatly affect your future children and in some cases the battle could even lead to divorce.

However, if you are marrying a feminist Christian woman with the intent that you are going to tolerate her feminism and will just give up your headship role over her then you are wrong.  As a Christian God does not allow you to surrender your position as head to your wife. So, if you know you are not willing to do battle to attempt to wash the feminism from a woman then you should not marry her.  You should only marry a woman who fully embraces Biblical gender roles before you marry her.

So here is the conclusion of the matter.  Is it a sin before God for a man to marry a Christian woman with the intent of taming her of her feminist tendencies and beliefs? The answer is no it is not a sin.

But I would leave any Christian man who intends to go into such a spiritual battle with this admonition from Christ found in Luke 14:31:

“Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand?” 

Be sure before you go to war, that you count the costs that may be incurred on you in the process of that war.

125 thoughts on “Can Christian Man Marry A Woman Intending to Tame Her?

  1. Traditional Catholocism is on the rise, and they very much support, encourage, and expect traditional gender roles.

  2. Alice, Father Chad Ripperger has spoken about the scandals in the Church and the infiltration (Bella Dodd testimonies) of communism and Masonic influences to destroy the Church from within with these scandals. He has is very traditional and teaches trad gender roles. Look him up on YouTube.

  3. @livingblurredlines, thank you! Catholic priests have definitely fallen prey to feminist teachings in the US. We had a very conservative priest who was driven out of our parish because the women complained that he was “sexist.” I was terribly disappointed, I always found his homilies inspirational and helpful.

  4. @Alice I can respect you stance but it was just a thought. The examples you gave are not examples of women who get together for a common goal such as a bible study. A “gir’s night out” is a totally different thing than a woman’s bible study. It was actually a condition of my marriage that I would not participate in anything near a girls night out. My husband pays close attention to the people that I associate with. I certainly wouldn’t consider a bible group to be anywhere near those examples but I can respect your decline either way. For me, knowing what other women go through and seeing how they deal with those situations would be a positive influence for me. I think for many women, it can make them feel less alone. My husband would most likely prefer that I associate with women who encouraged me to live a better lifestyle. Thank you for the response anyway.

  5. Have you ladies ever visited Lori Alexander’s blog “The Transformed Wife”? That’s one of my favorites and she is always encouraging and edifying women to follow God and submit and being a biblical woman in the spirit of Titus 2. I also think she has a Facebook group you can join. I am not in it, but that could be an option if you are looking for like minded ladies.

  6. Sunny, I would enjoy speaking with you, maybe I could give you my email? I’m just wary of women’s groups. @afd I have read Lori’s blog and I really dislike it. She seems into mindless submission, and while that definitely works, it does not work for me. I walked away from her blog feeling very rebellious, which is definitely the opposite of what I’m after!

  7. @BGR, I don’t remember the specifics, because her blog was an occasion of sin for me, but it seemed to say that no matter what your husband does, you must submit. I beleive Debi Pearl said the same thing, along the lines of “if your husband is molesting your children, just pray for him.” i would certainly pray for my husband if he were molesting our children, but I would also address that issue with a shot gun and I don’t believe that would be a sin.

    Mindless submission means you obey no matter what, even if your husband is leading you to sin. I don’t believe God wants that. Mind you, that is not an issue in my marriage and never has been, but I see where it could be. For example, if your husband is going 20 miles over the speed limit and he gets pulled over and the police office questions you, do you lie to protect your husband?

  8. @Alice, Your statement “I believe Debi Pearl said the same thing, along the lines of “if your husband is molesting your children, just pray for him.” is UNTRUE (and I’m being kind here).

    Neither Lori nor Debi EVER advocate for a wife to just stand by in either the case of physical abuse or molestation of children. They do not advocate for divorce for such sins (because the Bible does not allow for it) but they do advocate that the wife first make sure the children are safe, then to confront her husband with his sin and insist that he seek help and counseling. If he does not seek help and is unrepentant, then they instruct the wife to CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE HIM ARRESTED! Then they tell the wife that she is to stick by him but TESTIFY AGAINST HIM in court! Visit him in jail and pray that God will deliver him from his sin but NEVER does either one of them say to just “pray for him” and allow that sinful behaviour to continue.

    Please be careful with libelous accusations! Matthew 12:36 – “But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment.”

  9. @Trey, you are right, I was mistaken. It was Michael Pearl. I assume Debi goes along with it.
    According to Michael Pearl:

    “But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, “What if he doesn’t repent even then?” Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face. God hates divorce — always, forever, regardless, without exception.”

    I’m not on board with checking to make sure he repents BEFORE calling in law enforcement. Of course he’s going to say he’s repentant!

  10. @Alice – Your statement that “I have read Lori’s blog and I really dislike it. She seems into mindless submission.” followed by your explanation that “Mindless submission means you obey no matter what, even if your husband is leading you to sin.”

    This is also a false statement. Neither Lori nor Debbi EVER calls for a wife to obey her husband if her tells her to sin. They both clearly say just the opposite that the wife obey God first and man second.

    I know there has been a lot of nonsense written about the Lori and the Pearls on the web (just as there are those that try and burn BGR at the stake also) but do not believe the lies, read what the Pearls actually say in it’s context. If you can find where any of what you said is true then please share the quotes and the source with us here. Otherwise please cease and desist in your libelous claims regarding regarding Lori and the Debi.

  11. @Trey, BTW since the Bible allows divorce for adultery, I’m pretty sure sexual molestation of children qualifies. I have absolutely no use for the Pearls.

  12. @Alice, Michael did not say to just check “to make sure he repents BEFORE calling in law enforcement”. He said to “…know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court.” That is a far cry from just “praying for him”.

    Now we all agree that child molestation is a heinous sin and a crime. In Gods eyes, all of our sin is heinous. If you want to “address that issue with a shot gun” or call and have your husband arrested immediately, then one of those is legal and the other is not and you are free to do either one but the question is how would God have you handle the situation. If you disagree with what the Pearls are saying, then fine but do not lie about them on the internet.

  13. @Trey,

    I adore Lori and Debi’s pages. I find that they offer helpful reminders for me quite often!

    We must remember to be “wise as serpents” when dealing with anyone’s opinion. ❤

  14. @Alice I’ve never looked at her blog, but I know what you mean by “mindless submission” that sort of mentality annoys me too. I’m very much the type of person that needs to understand the reasoning for things, otherwise I will have a hard time submitting to a request. This is why I ask a lot of questions on here because if I can understand why things should function the way they do then I’m much more likely to do them with hesitation. I’m also going to add that leadership is a skill and I do not believe every man out their has that skill. There are a lot of men I won’t listen to because I disagree with their choices and they lack intelligence. I’m pretty sure the bible doesn’t say that women have to respect “all men” though so maybe that’s irrelevant. In the workplace, I have a tendancy to select the men who I want to listen to based on their level of intelligence and how they treat other people. I’ve seen underqualified people get put in leadership roles in the workplace and in everyday life.

  15. Sunny, Ephesians 5:22 says “wives be submissive to their *own* husbands”, so I don’t believe that we are called to be submissive to all men and my husband wouldn’t tolerate that, in any case. I’ve been thinking a lot about submission since I started reading this blog, and while we are called to submit the way the church submits to Christ, I think that since Christ is perfect and our husbands are not, we can, and have to, use our own judgment once in a while. Someone posted a comment on another article a while back where she was sure her child had broken a bone and her husband thought she was being dramatic. She took the child to the doctor anyways and it turned out she was right, her son had broken a bone. So submission is a lot more complicated than just blind obedience, which we can and should do to the Lord.

  16. @Alice
    Exactly, I know which comments you’re talking about. Actually, I was the one asking the initial question on that topic. I’m going to be straight forward and admit that I am pretty judgemental of women who blindly submit. As I stated before I want to know the details and reasoning of why things can and cannot be done in certain ways before I will take orders. I’ve always associated “submissive” with concepts like: weak, unmotivated, stupid, even lazy at times. I’m praying that I can alter that state of thought which in turn, should put me at ease with embracing a new lifestyle. I’ve never wanted to rule over a man or disobey just for the sake of causing problems but I would certainly consider myself very strong willed. This is probably the reason I’m married to a man that I also very strong willed. My husband also understand why I act the way I do. I think he views me as a woman with a lot of potential to change those things because they don’t identify who I am.

  17. @Sunny – You state that “I’m going to be straight forward and admit that I am pretty judgemental of women who blindly submit. As I stated before I want to know the details and reasoning of why things can and cannot be done in certain ways before I will take orders. I’ve always associated “submissive” with concepts like: weak, unmotivated, stupid, even lazy at times.”

    The judgemental attitude comes from an unhealthy pride in yourself. Your difficulty in doing it comes from a lack of faith in the Lord. When you only submit when you can understand the “reasoning of why… before you will take orders…” it’s not submission at all. It’s being persuaded to go along with what your husband wants. Biblical submission is yielding your will to your husbands in everything (that is not sin), even when you disagree or don’t understand. You do it simply because of your obedience to (and trust in) the Lord knowing that’s what He has instructed you to do.

    It’s NOT the “weak, unmotivated, stupid” women that can “blindly” submit in everything. It’s the women who have a proper (sober) understanding of who they are and a STRONG faith in the Lord. It may “look” like blind (or mindless) submission to those who do not understand it, but in fact, it’s anything but. They have their eyes wide open and know exactly what they are doing and why… and only the strongest of women can do it. Only the women who draw their strength from the Holy Spirit can do it.

    You are close and asking the right questions. Be encouraged and keep praying. Specifically, ask God to help you humble yourself so that you can see yourself the way HE does. Ask Him to give you the power (thru the Holy Spirit) to obey Him so that you can walk in the Spirit and not carry out the desires of the flesh.

  18. I do believe it is ok to ask to understand. There are times I just blindly say ok and trust in my husband. There are other times I may ask some questions….mostly just to be on the same page or to make sure I have it well understood and not mess it up on him. Or because I really want to know his thoughts and heart on the matter.

    We have a marriage, a relationship. Of course we can talk, converse, discuss, even disagree!

  19. livinginblurredlines,

    Your Statement:

    “I do believe it is ok to ask to understand. There are times I just blindly say ok and trust in my husband. There are other times I may ask some questions….mostly just to be on the same page or to make sure I have it well understood and not mess it up on him. Or because I really want to know his thoughts and heart on the matter.

    We have a marriage, a relationship. Of course we can talk, converse, discuss, even disagree!”

    I don’t believe it is wrong for a woman to ask why, especially if on larger life decisions. I don’t believe discussion is wrong easier and that she can offer her wisdom in a kind manner as Proverbs 31 states. However a woman must always weigh her desire to ask why with these Scriptural truths as well:

    “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”
    Proverbs 27:15

    “24 It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”
    Proverbs 25:24

    “3 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
    2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
    3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
    4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

    I Peter 3:1-4

    A woman needs to be careful that her she is sparing in her questions to her husband. It is one thing to ask questions for clarification, and it is very much another to ask questions contending with your husband and every decision – making him convince you and get you to agree with and understand what he is doing. If you as must always be convinced of something, then it is not submission. It is instead agreement. God did command you to agree everything your husband tells you to do, or even understand it, but he tell women to submit.

    It can be exhausting for many Christian husband – even those who claim to be submissive – to have to convince their wives of each and every decision they make. I am not saying you are that way. Maybe you rarely challenge your husband on decisions you disagree with.

    But make no mistake – the true measure of your submissiveness as a wife is not in when you follow him because you agree and understand his decisions and follow them. The true measure of your submission is what percentage of his decisions that you disagree with do you have to question him and make him try to convince you, and then even if he fails to convince you or does not even wish to attempt to convince you but just says “follow me” what is your attitude then? Do you follow with a right attitude or grudingly?

    But says a strong woman, is a meek and quiet woman – this woman if of great price in the sight of God. Meekness means restrained strength. It does not mean you are stupid. It simply means restraining and humbling yourself and recognizing your position before your husband and before God.

  20. @BGR. I agree. That’s what I meant. Hubby recently made several decisions that I do not entirely agree with, but I have just smiled and said ok. A couple of these decisions go against what I want. They remove something that brings me joy, but hubby believes I have had my fun and it is time to move on and focus my time, energy, and the money elsewhere, namely building up our home and his business.

    It does bring some sadness to me to let this go, but I obey and trust entirely that he is right. After all, it isn’t all about me. It is about our family as a whole.

  21. @Trey,

    “He said to ‘…know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court.’ That is a far cry from just “praying for him”.

    That’s the issue though. If you find out that your husband or wife is molesting your children, you should call the police. Why? Because they’ve committed a serious crime and because the only way to ensure that your children or safe is to get them away from the person who’s been hurting them. The best way to do that is to turn the predator in. And let’s suppose that they do somehow keep their children safe without exposing the child-molesting spouse. How then are they supposed to keep other people’s children safe without offering anyone else a word of warning?

    Additionally, a man or woman who’s molested a child can claim to be repentant all day long, but if they only offer up that repentance after getting caught and to avoid being reported, then that alleged repentance doesn’t amount to anything. Pedophiles who act on their urges and molest children are notoriously good manipulators. That’s how they manage to get so much access to other people’s children or (if they victimize their own children) conceal that fact from their spouse for so long. I don’t know how Michael Pearl thinks that a wife who’s caught her husband molesting their kids is supposed to evaluate the sincerity of his repentance, but I can’t advise a woman in that situation to accept shows of repentance at face value unless her husband turns himself in and accepts full punishment.

  22. @Trey. I actually just ordered the book you were referring to earlier “The Excellent Wife”. My husband saw it and commented. I had said something that seemed to slightly irritate him today and he said “why don’t you go start reading your how to be a perfect wife book instead…” I thought that was a bit funny.

  23. @Sunny – That book will likely challenge you in many good ways to become a more Godly wife. Just be careful how you apply her instructions to “admonish your husband”. I don’t believe she has that part of it completely right.
    There is a corresponding book that I recommend to men called “The Exemplary Husband” by Stuart Scott. It is an excellent book on Biblical manhood and (although I’m unsure about a few things he teaches) it is for the most part an excellent book with much knowledge and wisdom and I know that it challenged me and helped me to become a more Godly husband. I believe that every man who calls himself a Christian should read that book and see what the Holy Spirit might use in it to convict them of in their lives.

  24. @Alex – The point of my comments were not to argue that Michael Pearl is right (or wrong) in how he recommends that a wife should act in that situation. I can see both sides of the argument because on the one hand I feel as you do in this matter (maybe stronger). On the other hand, I see how our judgements (and our emotions) are affected by our cultural bias and in some cases, our own personal experiences but what we should all strive for is conforming ourselves (thinking and actions) to what the Bible says in our dealings with others.

    The argument that Michael was making had nothing to do with my comments. My comments were driven by the fact that a commenter on here bore false witness against the Pearls and Lori Alexander and I could not let those lies go unchallenged.

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