Husbands and Wives – Love God more than you love your spouse.
“He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” – Matthew 10:37
Wives – Submit to your husband.
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” – Ephesians 5:24
Husbands – Know your wife and honor her as your helper.
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” – I Peter 3:7
Wives – Respect your husband as the holy women of old did their husbands.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands… For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” – I Peter 3: 1 & 5-6
Husbands – Love your wife as Christ loved the Church.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” – Ephesians 5:25
Wives – Ravish your husband with your sexual love, and give your body freely to your husband whenever he needs sex.
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” – I Corinthians 7:3-4
Husbands – find sexual satisfaction in your wife’s body on a regular basis, and give your body freely to your wife whenever she needs sex.
“Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.” – Proverbs 5:19
Husbands and wives – have children.
“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply” – Genesis 1:28
Wives –bear children and manage your home for your husband.
“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” I Timothy 5:14
Husbands – provide food, clothing and shelter to your wife and children.
“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” – I Timothy 5:8
If we would only follow these commands of God regarding marriage – divorce would be eradicated and we would have a more peaceful and prosperous society.
Biblical Gender Roles 
what if the woman does not want to have children?
The answer to that is the same as “what if a woman does not want to obey God?” – We were made for a reason. Unless a woman wants to be celibate in the service of God – she is to be married(and thus become a help meet to a man) and to bare children. This is the design of God for woman. This does not mean she can’t do anything else, but it means that anything else she does will not conflict with the central purposes of her design.
what if a couple wasn’t able to produce an offspring due to health issues.
Joel,
God does not expect you to do what you are not capable of doing. If you can’t produce due to health issues then it is God’s will. Of course adoption is an option, but I don’t see it required in Scripture.
What if the wife comes in with 4 children from her first relashionship and the husband came in with 5. We have a houseful we were never married before but now we are to each other we have no kids together. Do we need to have one together?
Jessie,
I think that the command to “be fruitful and multiply” seems to have been fulfilled by both you and your husband. Because we live in a sin cursed world where people have sex outside marriage, spouses die and couples divorce we will have the situation arise were a husband and wife may both bring children into the marriage. I think you just have to make the best of that situation and I don’t think there is necessarily an obligation to have another child.
Having said that, I think that if either spouse does want to have a child that must be seriously considered.
God does not make cookie cutter Christians. He made me with different desires. He actually told me so. I never wanted to have children and never did. In fact, I also never cared for make-up doing my hair or dresses, any of those things that other women delight in and are considered part of womanhood. I never got any of that in my personality when God fashioned me. (As you can see from my website, “Susan’s Saddle Stands” that God gave me the desire and talent to be artistically creative.)
Men have made many rules based on what they think is in the Bible. Bill Gothard made a whole empire of “following rules according to God’s purpose and design.” and if you go to recoveringgrace.org you will read many stories of what legalism does to families and individuals. If I had had even one child because “it was my God given duty” it would not have been obedience by faith but by works and flesh and hating every moment of it.
I chose to have a career in teaching after going to college and did not think I could do both career and motherhood well as I had seen other women work all day long and come home too tired to take care of their kids. And believe me, teaching takes it all out of you. Having a husband with lots of illnesses and ailments also figured into not having children.
As I read it, “Be fruitful and multiply.” was God’s command to Adam and Eve. And again God’s plan for my life is not the same as God’s plan for anyone else’s life. Besides “bare” children need to be covered up, bearing children is what women do.
I hope you understand that It is about grace in all our lives. I have met many people from rich to poor to including 3 who have died, saw heaven and met the Lord (all in Lamar Co TX) and come back, to a mentally unstable man who humbly said to me ” I know my place is heaven is assured.” and spent his life wandering from place to place doing menial jobs. I have come to the conclusion that God will never allow himself to be boxed in. As soon as I come to a conclusion about what God does or is, He breaks my rule in an almighty way that shows His power is beyond all my reasoning.
Upon doing a search on biblical gender roles I came across your blog. I am glad to see more and more biblical emphasis on these subjects! However, and I know this is a bad place for a however, I am a little concerned with a biblical reference to one of your points. Under “Husbands – provide food, clothing and shelter to your wife and children.” you cite the reference I Timothy 5:8: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” I Timothy 5:3-16 is clearly instruction on widows and their care. It is a passage beautifully explained to us by the Holy Spirit so we can love and care for “widows indeed” as they need special care. It was specifically written (to provide instruction in the care of widows) to a specific group of people (believers) about a specific group of people (widows). Though I agree that a husband’s role includes providing for their family, (This includes widows as well!) I Timothy 5:8 is not talking about providing for your wife of children. We have many examples and specific passages dealing with just that. I certainly do not want to nit-pick or belittle the great work you have done with your blog, as I believe it is a much needed resource in this world today. I am just very careful, and challenge others to be as well, that a general truth not be pulled out of a specific truth. To do so is to misinterpret the Bible and to minimize the fullness of the truth presented, as in I Timothy 5:8. I hope this has come across as an encouragement and not chiding. I certainly have a lot to learn and hope that others will step in and help me to continue to do so!
feffer,
Thank you and I appreciate your respectful disagreement on the use of I Timothy 5:8 as a proof text that husbands ought to provide for their families. While I agree the particular context is the care of widows in the church – the Apostle Paul appeals to a more general principle that family has the duty to care for family. He does not say “if anyone does not provide for their widows” , he say if anyone does not provide for their family. Now I will agree that even though the KJV translates it as “his” and “he” it is actually gender neutral so its not specifically referring to men being the providers, but that a more general principle that family should take care of family.
However I believe under the umbrella of “family caring for their family, especially the members of their own household(immediate house)” that this would give a principle by which men know they must provide for their families.
Now I think that Ephesians 5:29 does specifically show the husbands duty to provide for his wife:
“For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:” The terms nourish and cherish can literally be interpreted as “feeds and protects”
In Exodus 21:10-11 we see that a wife has the right to be provided with food and clothing specifically by her husband:
“10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
11 And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.”
“House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord.” – Proverbs 19:14 (KJV)
The Scriptures are clear that we as husbands and fathers are to be the providers for our families in the way that God provides for us as our heavenly father.
I know you agree with that and are not arguing with that, you just thought the passage I cited was not specific to that – which you are correct on, but again I maintain that the general principle Paul presents of family providing for family does cover men providing for their families as well.
Thanks again for your respectful comments.
I translated the “Ten Commandments of Christian Marriage” to Spanish and e-mailed a copy to BGR. I also gave a copy to my wife to read. (We haven’t had sex since April of last year.)
She went back to Colombia on Sunday, December the 6th. The day before, I went with her to Mexico City (about six hours by bus away from here) where she took the plane, because she was not feeling very well before we left. I paid for the bus fare (on a first class bus much better than Greyhound) for both of us, paid for a nice hotel room, took her out to breakfast at a nice restaurant, went with her to the airport, and stood in a long line with her so she could check in her luggage at the Avianca counter. I did not leave the airport until after she entered the security check point. I then went back to the bus station and took a first class bus back to here. I saw a romantic movie on the bus and started crying, because I still love my wife very much.
She is planning to come back here on March the 11th. However, I told her that she could not come back here to live with me until, with all of her heart, she wants to put in practice what the BIble says in the “Ten Commandments of Christian Marriage”. I told her to leave her set of keys to the house with me before she left, because she won’t be needing them in Colombia. She did, with a puzzled look. When March comes around and if she still wants to come back here, if she is not ready to obey God in our marriage, I will have to tell her to stay in Colombia until she is ready to obey God. (I suspect that the only reason that she wants to come back here is for the financial benefits she was receiving from me. I married her for love, but she married me for other reasons.)
BGR has taught me to stop being a wimp in our marriage. One pastor told me that I should dump her. Her former pastor in Colombia sympathized with me, but told me that I should come to Colombia to be with her and pray that God would give me the strength to not have sex as long as my wife was sick and did not want to have sex. I am ignoring the advice of both of these well-meaning pastors. As BGR has advised, I am not in a rush to get a divorce, but am giving her time to repent. However, I am not going to allow her to live with me with a selfish, rebellious, and wordly attitude towards our marriage. In other words, she is going to have to repent and change her way of thinking about our marriage 180 degress to the way God thinks about our marriage before she can come back here to live with me.
But, I am still in contact with her. She would like for me to send her money, even though she receives two pensions. I told her that I would not do so unless it was an extreme medical emergency (if she says it is, I will have to call the doctor or the hospital to verify it first before sending her money). But, in any case, as long as she wants me to, I will continue to communicate with her, but will not send her money. I believe that, in addition to praying for her, this is the best way that I can handle this situation in our marriage right now.
I am in the process of receiving healing for the deep emotional wounds that she has given me during our marriage. However, I have decided to not be bitter towards her and to stay in contact with her as long as she wants me to.
wives must ravish thir husbands with their sexual love and give their body freely. Husbands must find sexual satisfaction in their wife’s body and give their body freely.
This shows how a wife needs to respect and please her husband from the start of their union. A husband will never find true sexual satisfaction until they know that their wife submits herself completely and in everything. Once married, her body is her husbands, whenever he wants it. This submission will not only please her husband but she will be experiencing the most joy, a high that only she will understand. Submission brings the most loving, happy and most peaceful marriages.
@esbee If the woman does not want to have children she is not a Christian. Real Christians want to obey God and He clearly commanded for us to “fill the earth”. The earth isn’t even close to being filled so by disobeying God you are spitting in the face of His commandments. Besides that it is God who decides if a woman becomes pregnant.
Kelly,
While I would definitely agree with you that women who have absolutely no desire for children definitely have their natures corrupted by sin in this area – I don’t think we can say they are not Christians. There are a lot of Christians that are wrong or blinded to many things God says in his Word. It is Christ and his shed blood that saves – not us being sinless and certainly not us being right on all attitudes or behaviors.
But I do agree with you to the extent that one of the most unnatural and contrary views of women today is the not wanting to have children. It is completely against God’s design. In the same way I think is utterly unnatural and against God’s design when some men want to stay home and play “Mr. Mom” and they want to marry a woman who will go out have a career and support them as they stay home and take care of the kids. We all know that is backwards from God’s design.
Kelly- I am so sad you think that about me. Have you read the comment I wrote earlier about God not making cookie cutter Christians? Nor does He deal with everyone the same or have the same exact plan for every Christian. If that were so all christians would look and act exactly alike. (Does the name Stepford ring a bell?) I was told by God after a 3 day fast, and that is not hard to do if you are earnest about seeking God, that He made me a certain way and that I would be able to reach others for Christ that the average Christian could not. And just to have kids to fill the earth seems to me about the same as welfare mothers having kids just to get another check. Should an impoverished mother in Ethiopia keep having kids when she can barely feed the ones she has. Should she have children at all? Should a christian couple struggling with bills and out of work have kids or wait until they can afford them? Real Christians struggle with their faith and fail often. The command was in the Old Testament and if you follow one command in the OT then you must obey all commands in the OT. And that is what atheists use to trip Christians up by quoting commands that are so weird or no longer applicable, saying we cannot pick and choose but to be obedient is to be obedient in all. And being obedient in all is an impossible task. Besides, Jesus’s life, death and resurrection was the fulfillment of the OT so those laws were no longer needed. It is ok to question, research, struggle and learn, relearn.
“D” said…”wives must ravish their husbands with their sexual love and give their body freely. Husbands must find sexual satisfaction in their wife’s body and give their body freely.
This shows how a wife needs to respect and please her husband from the start of their union. A husband will never find true sexual satisfaction until they know that their wife submits herself completely and in everything. Once married, her body is her husbands, whenever he wants it. This submission will not only please her husband but she will be experiencing the most joy, a high that only she will understand. Submission brings the most loving, happy and most peaceful marriages.”
How can submitting to my husband completely and in everything bring me the most joy, a high that only I will understand? I understand that someone has to lead and by not challenging my husband’s authority we will have a peaceful marriage. I also understand this is God’s design for us and I will do all he asks because it is my duty to God and my husband to do so. I just can not see how this will bring me so much joy that this person is comparing it to being “high”. (Which I am assuming is reference to the elation and euphoria one usually feels when high) I fail to see how this can even bring me contentment, which is about all I am aiming for at this point. I honestly wish you people would stop trying to sugar coat a woman’s role. Stop telling me that there is great joy and happiness to be had when I accept my role. Obviously there isn’t. We were made as things to be used to bring our husbands pleasure. PERIOD. Nothing in creation is for woman nor benefits woman. It is all for men and no one cares about us.