Why God Wants You to Seduce Your Husband

Most Christian wives today are taught that their husbands must earn sex with them by romancing them. What if the Bible taught the opposite? What if wives were required to seduce their husbands?

I know it sounds crazy. The Bible couldn’t possibly tell women they need to seduce their husbands, right?

Well if you give me a few minutes of your time the answer might surprise you.

In my article “How the Church Made Sex Dirty” I explain how Church fathers like Clement of Alexandria made sexual desire, even in marriage, to be dirty and sinful. This false doctrine infected the churches like a disease shortly after the Apostles death.  I show in that article that the Bible in fact has a very positive view of sex and in no way, does the Bible support the false teaching that sex is only for procreative purposes.  This false teaching is still alive and well in Christian churches all across the world today.

The negative view of sex was even worse when it came to women than to men. Women were taught to view sex as dirty and women who expressed any pleasurable thoughts about sex were condemned as whorish.

This brings us to how women view sex today in our modern era.

Six Modern Feminine Views of Sex

Below are six views of sexuality that women have today. I know some people hate to be boxed into categories.  But if you are a woman reading this, and you are honest with yourself or asked your husband to be honest with you, you would find that you will come closer to one of these categories than the others.

The Frigid Wife

This Frigid wife views sex as a dirty activity that is a necessary evil for conceiving children.  She has no desire to be touched in a sexual way or to touch her husband in a sexual way. If her husband presses her for sexual relations outside the context of trying to conceive a child she may reluctantly and grudgingly agree to do this “dirty” act with him.  But she will have a nasty look on her face and be lifeless as he has sex with her.

The Submissive Wife

The Submissive wife has regular sexual relations with her husband whenever he desires it because she believes God tells her to and she believes this will help keep him from sexual temptation. But she views sex from the female perspective as more of a “receptive” position.  She does not take any proactive steps to sexually arouse her husband or seduce her husband. She may actually enjoy sex sometimes with her husband but never enough to want to initiate it with him – she always waits for him to initiate sex.

The Romantic Wife

The Romantic wife loves sex but only views sex from a relational, romantic and feelings oriented position. She would reject the view of the Frigid wife that sex is only for procreation and she would also reject the view of the Submissive wife that a woman should just be in a submissive position to have sex with her husband whenever he desires it.

The Romantic wife believes her husband must earn each sexual encounter with her by romancing her.  If for any reason, she does not feel like having sex then sex will not occur. Like the Submissive wife though, she rarely if ever initiates sex with her husband because she believes sex in a marriage should always center on a husband romancing his wife.

The Nympho Wife

The Nympho wife is a woman that has a sexual nature that is more similar to that of a man than a woman in that her sex drive is more physically oriented than relationally oriented. This type of woman could easily be having sex with multiple men in the same period in her unending quest for sexual pleasure.

The Nympho wife’s primary goal in sex is not procreation nor is it to please her husband but rather to meet her own sexual desires. She really has no desire to take the time or energy to seduce her husband or to truly concentrate on giving her body to him for his pleasure.  She just wants the clothes off and to have him pleasure her and fulfill her sexual desires – him getting his sexual needs met is of little to no concern to her.

The Evil Seductress Wife

The Evil Seductress wife uses her body and her sexual charms to get what she wants.  She uses sex to lure her husband into marrying her and then afterwards uses her sexual charms to control him and manipulate him for the remainder of their marriage.  The Evil Seductress wife sees sex primarily as a tool for power and only secondarily as an activity for procreation or pleasure. Her goals in seduction may be just to have control of the man and his money or it may also include her desire for him to be a sperm donor to give her children.

The Good Seductress Wife

The Good Seductress wife is one who views sex primarily through the lenses of pleasing her husband sexually, not just submitting herself to her husband sexually. She goes much further than the Submissive wife in that she takes an active role in trying to please her husband sexually rather than just taking a passive role and waiting for him to initiate sexual relations.

The Good Seductress wife makes herself a student of her husband’s sexual preferences.  She learns what turns her husband on and what turns her husband off sexually. She not only learns all these things about her husband – but she acts on this knowledge. The Good Seductress wife realizes that she cannot fully please her husband sexually unless she finds a way to truly enjoy sex herself so she becomes a student of her own body as well helping herself to work in concert sexually with her husband to bring him the maximum sexual pleasure that she can.

Which of these views of sexuality are most common among women?

I would say based on what I have read and observed through real life interactions and emails that the majority of women in American come closest to the Romantic wife position on sex.  There are also probably a good number of women who come somewhere between the Submissive wife position and the Romantic wife position in that they will sometimes give into their husband’s request for sex even though they feel he has not really earned it.

The Nympho wife’s are a rarity but sadly there are more Frigid wives and Evil Seductress wives than people generally realize.

In the realm of Christianity Romantic wives are extremely common but in more conservative circles there are more Submissive wives.  The Good Seductress wife is the rare jewel alluded to in Proverbs 31:10.

Now that we have presented these common feminine views of sex we now to need to measure these views against the Scriptures as we should all our beliefs about life.

Sex is both a Responsibility and Right in Marriage

First we need to establish the fact that under God’s law sexual access to one’s spouse is both a responsibility and a right within marriage for both the husband and wife.

The Scriptures teach both the responsibility to give sex and right to have sex in marriage:

“3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

I Corinthians 7:3-5 (KJV)

I once heard a Pastor say to the young women of the church “If you don’t want to have sex three to four times a week for the better part of your life then don’t get married.”  Unlike many Pastors today – he had a Biblical view of sexuality in marriage. A person who wants to get married and not have much sex is like a person who joins a baseball team but does not really want to play baseball.

It is absolutely amazing to me how many Pastors and Christian teachers today question this very clear Scriptural command. They look for all kinds of ways to give spouses (primarily women) excuses for denying their spouse sex in marriage.

Sex is not just a right a responsibility in marriage – it is like water for men

I think it is very telling that God chose to use water to describe a man’s desire for sex.  God could have chosen to compare a man desiring to have sex with his desiring meat but humans can survive on just fruits and vegetables.  God chose something that is necessary for all life on earth and something that we cannot live without to describe a man’s sex drive.  In this one verse God makes it clear to both men and women – sex is a need for men, not just a want.

From a larger societal point of view while men on an individual level will not die from not having sex, the human race would die out if men don’t have sex with women. Even on a relational level, if a couple stops having sex the relationship often dies.

But here in Proverbs 5 we see that God is showing us that sex is a need on a very personal level for a man in comparing it to water.

But there is another principle God is teaching us about the masculine sex drive.  Water is not just necessary for life but it is also beautiful in its natural state.  Just imagine a beautiful lake, a mountain stream or an ocean view – water is one of God’s most beautiful creations. A man’s sex drive which is often thought of as “dirty” is actually said by God to be a pure as water.

As human beings, we don’t just need to take in water to survive, but we are mostly water – human beings are 60% water! In the same way that human beings are mostly water men are mostly sexual beings.  It is a very important and defining aspect of who men are.

This brings up an important distinction between men and women.  While both men and women desire sex – a core defining attribute of men is their sexual nature.  For women, the core defining attribute of who they are is their relational nature. A man’s sex drive fuels all aspects of his life and gives him energy for him to go out and build, explore and conquer his world.

A man’s desire to touch, taste and experience a woman’s body on a sexual level is as pure and beautiful as water and like water is a defining part of who we are as human beings so too a man’s sexual nature is a defining aspect of his person.

So some women might be reading this and saying “Ok you proved your point that my husband has a right to have sex with me and I need to give myself to him for sex.  But that is a far cry from me having to seduce him! Where is that in the Bible?”

We are almost to that answer, but first we have to talk about a special type of command in the Bible.

Some Biblical commands require a team effort to be fulfilled

There are commands in the Bible that we as individuals can fulfill without help from anyone else.  For instance the Bible tells us not to steal, not to covet and not to murder. It tells us to be kind and caring to others. We each are responsible on our own for fulfilling these commands. A wife is told to submit to her husband and she can do this regardless of his behavior toward her unless he tells her to sin.  A husband is to provide for and protect his wife and he can do this regardless of her lack of submission or other sins she may commit toward him.

However there are certain commands in Scripture which require two or more people to act in concert with one another. God’s very first command to mankind requires that husbands and wives work together.

“27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”

Genesis 1:27-28 (KJV)

So what must happen for men and women to fulfill God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply”?

  1. A man and a woman must agree to a covenant of marriage.
  2. A man and a woman must willingly come together in sexual union to create offspring.

If men and women do not marry and do not have sex this first command of God cannot be fulfilled.  A man cannot fulfill this on his own and neither can a woman but only in working together can man and woman fulfill this command of God.

Sex in marriage is not just for procreation or to avoid sexual temptation

Most Christian married couples do not know is that God gave another command that can only be fulfilled by husbands and wives working together:

“15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. 16 Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.17 Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee.

18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Proverbs 5:15 & 18-19(KJV)

Proverbs 5 shows the third principle of sex that is often ignored in Christian circles.  Most Christians will agree that God’s command in Genesis 1:28 to” Be fruitful, and multiply” tells us that one of the reasons God wants us to have sex is for procreation.  Most Christians would also agree that I Corinthians 7:2 tells us that we should have sex in marriage “to avoid fornication”.

But what most Christians do not realize is that God wants men to satisfy themselves – to drink their fill of their wives’ body for their pleasure. This principle of God wanting us to seek sex for its pleasure is routinely denied by Christian writers today.  Sue Bohlin, writing for Probe.org, displays the typical attitude of Christian writers who down play pleasure as a major motivating factor in sex:

“If the purpose and goal of sex is primarily pleasure, then other people are just objects to be used for sensual gratification. Since people are infinitely valuable because God made us in His image, that is a slap in the face whether we realize it or not. The Christian perspective is that the purpose of sex is relational, with pleasure as the by-product.

https://www.probe.org/what-god-says-about-sex/

The truth is that men primarily seek sex from the physical (or pleasurable aspect of it) and women primarily seek sex from the emotional (or relational aspect of it).  Christianity and Feminism both falsely teach that the female perspective of sex “that the purpose of sex is relational, with pleasure as the by-product” is the right perspective and that men have it all wrong and need to become more like women in their sexual natures.

These same people who deny that God intended for men to freely seek sexual pleasure in their wife’s body try and reinterpret the command in Proverbs 5:19 for men to be satisfied by their wife’s breasts as it teaching that men should be content with whatever their wives do.

They actually reverse the true meaning of this passage and use this passage to excuse laziness and lack of effort on the part of a wife to please her husband sexually. If she gained excessive amounts of weight, dressed in frumpy clothes and failed to have basic hygiene that husbands were to make themselves satisfied with her and ravished by her.  If she only liked to have sex in one position and only once a week with the lights turned off, again men were required to be satisfied by whatever their wife did or did not do.  Rachel Pietka, writing for relevantmagazine.com, shows a common Christian attitude that God does not care about Christians making a good effort to have great sex:

“Although sex is indeed God’s gift to us, Christians are not directly commanded by God to have great sex. Couples may find themselves incompatible in the bedroom, and they should not be bombarded with pressure from the Christian community to start having good sex and lots of it.”

http://archives.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/christians-are-not-called-have-amazing-sex

But I will demonstrate to you that this modern interpretation and application of this passage is false.

 “Let her breasts SATISFY thee at all times”

The English word “satisfy” is a translation of the Hebrew word “Ravah” which literally means “to be satiated or saturated, have or drink one’s fill or to drench, water abundantly, saturate”.

So when we understand that “breasts” are symbolic of her whole body this is what God is saying to men regarding their wives:

“Drink your fill of your wife’s body whenever you are sexually thirsty and drink until you are satisfied”

So as we have shown here – the teaching that men are just to be content with whatever their wives do or don’t do in the sexual arena goes in direct contradiction to what this phrase actually teaches.  Men are to drink their fill and drench themselves sexually in their wife’s body.

This flies in the face of modern teachings about sex in marriage that men should just be content with however much their wives want to have sex.  It also contradicts the idea that husbands should be content with whatever their wives want to do sexually. “You should only have your wife do what she feels comfortable doing sexually” – is that not what we are told today? If a man desires anything more from his wife than what she is comfortable with then he is told that he is going too far and is being selfish.

But this passage tells us husbands are to drink their fill of their wife’s body!  Am I saying there are absolutely no limits? Of course not.  I have written about these limits in my previous articles. In my article “Does a Christian wife have to submit to a sinful request from her husband?” I stated that a wife does not have to submit to her husband wanting her to participate in orgies or sex with other men. In my post “Do Christian wives have to submit to requests for anal sex by their husbands?” I showed why I believe that Christians should not engage in anal sex because the anus is not designed for sexual penetration and wives do not have to submit to these requests from their husbands.

But let’s be honest – these are extreme cases but some wives try and use these types of extremes to justify any limitations they want to put on their sex lives. For instance I have heard of cases on the other extreme where wives do not feel “comfortable” touching their husband’s penis.  They literally have never placed their hands on their husband’s penis.  These types of “uncomfortableness” have no Biblical backing and women with these types of issues should be challenged by their husbands to change their behavior and thinking.

“and be thou ravished always with her love”

The English word “ravished” is a translation of the Hebrew word ‘Shagah’ which has to do with drunkenness or intoxication.  Literally husbands are called to be intoxicated with their wife’s sexual love.

We associate drunkenness with wrong doing and most of the time it is.  But the Bible tells us certain types of intoxication are not wrong.  Listen to what Paul says about the Holy Spirit:

“And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;”

Ephesians 5:18 (KJV)

Paul is telling us not to be drunk with wine – but be drunk with the Spirit of God!  In the same way men are not to be intoxicated by whores but instead they are to be intoxicated by their wife’s sexual love.

It is critically important to point out that God tells husbands and wives that sex is not just for procreation as so many Christians have been wrongly taught in churches for centuries. Sex was also designed for pleasure and enjoyment. In this passage from Proverbs, God tells a man that he is to be satisfied by his wife’s breasts (symbolic of her entire body) and that he is to be ravished(intoxicated) by her love which is clearly erotic love based on the context of the passage.

Great sex in marriage is a team effort

The modern formula for sexual relations is that a man seduces a woman into having sex by romancing her.

The Biblical formula for sex is a woman makes herself affectionate as the loving hind” and beautiful as the “pleasant roe” and available “at all times” and she ties her affection, her beauty and availability together to make herself sexually intoxicating to her husband.  In other words – in the Biblical model of marriage a woman seduces or sexually entices her husband to come to his well and drink of the waters of her body and by doing this she intoxicates him, or ravishes him with her sexual love.

Now the team effort is that the husband must respond – to her affection, her beauty and availability.  He must choose to “drink his fill” of his wife so that he may be intoxicated by her sexual love.

So as we can see, these commands require a husband and wife to work together in the same way they must work together to follow God’s command to be fruitful and multiply.

Solomon tells us here in Proverbs that the answer to a man not running after strange women (whores) is for him to find satisfaction in his wife’s body and be ravished with her sexual love.

But how can a man be intoxicated with sexual love for his wife if she makes no attempt to be affectionate toward him and she does not make herself beautiful and she does not show him that her body is always available to him?

The answer to that question is the same answer to this question – how can a man be fruitful and multiply if he can’t have sex with his wife? It is impossible.  In the same way, for a man to be sexually ravished by his wife and sexually satisfied by her body she has to give him something to be ravished and satisfied by.

And this is not the only passage in the Bible speaking of erotic love between a man and woman.  The entire book of the Song of Solomon is dedicated to this type of erotic, physical and sexual love that God commands there to be between a husband and wife in Proverbs.

“7 This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes. 8 I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples; 9 And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.”

Song of Solomon 7:7-9 (KJV)

I also want to bring up one passage that does not speak specifically of sexual love in marriage but would still apply to how a woman shows her husband sexual love in marriage:

“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

Proverbs 31:12 (KJV)

This passage above from Proverbs speaks of the virtuous wife.

If a wife denies her husband sexually is she doing him good or evil?

She is doing him evil.

If a wife has sex with her husband, but does so in a grudging manner is she doing him good or evil?

She is doing him evil.

If a wife has sex with her husband but does so in a frigid manner is she doing him good or evil?

She is doing him evil.

If a wife refuses to make a good faith attempt to cause her husband to be satisfied with her body and be ravished with her sexual love by getting to know his sexual preferences and acting on those things is she doing him good or evil?

I would argue that a woman who fails to make a good faith attempt to know her husband’s sexual desires and satisfy them to the best of her ability in order to cause him to be ravished by her sexual love is in clear violation of the Word of God.

But why does God want women to seduce their husbands?

We have shown from Proverbs 5:19 that God wants wives to seduce their husbands to help fulfill the command that their husbands be ravished by them. But why did God setup such a paradigm wherein women must seduce their husbands to cause them to be ravished in their wives?

To answer that question, we have to ask another question first.  Why does the Bible say God created the world?

“Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.”

Revelation 4:11 (KJV)

God created the world and his most precious creation mankind, to bring him glory and honor and for him to exercise his power.  Not only does God have power over our lives – but he is worthy to receive that power by his very position as creator.  But God did not just make his creation to receive glory, honor and power – but he also created it for his own pleasure.

Like an artist or engineer that receives pleasure from their own creations God himself receives pleasure from his creations.

In this same way, God created woman to give man honor and glory and to allow him to exercise his power.

 “7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. 8 For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. 10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.”

I Corinthians 11:7-10 (KJV)

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.”

Proverbs 12:4 (KJV)

And God has also created woman to be a source of comfort, blessing and pleasure for man:

“And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.”

Genesis 24:67 (KJV)

“25 Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:”

Genesis 49:25 (KJV)

“18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Proverbs 5:18-19 (KJV)

Conclusion

God has created woman to be a source of comfort, blessing and pleasure for man and this is why he commands that husbands are to find sexual satisfaction in their wife’s bodies and be ravished by their wife’s sexual love.

But a husband cannot fulfill this command on his own any more than he can fulfill God’s command to be fruitful and multiply on his own.  For a husband to find satisfaction in his wife’s body and for him to be ravished by his wife’s sexual love requires active participation rather than just passive participation on his wife’s part to accomplish these goals.

In order to do this a wife must make her husband to believe and feel that her body is available to satisfy his sexual desires whenever he wishes.  She must seduce him with her body and her sexual love for him.

A woman who simply spreads her legs and gives sex in a frigid manner is not cooperating with her husband to fulfill the command of God which requires BOTH their participation to fulfill. Wives must not just submit to sexual relations with their husbands but they must also give their husbands something to be ravished by!

In this article, we simply showed the command of God found in Proverbs 5:19 that women should sexually satisfy their husbands with their bodies and seduce their husbands with their sexual love. But we did not talk about how a woman could act out this command and set about to seduce her husband.

Many times, in the Scriptures God not only give us commands but he also give us examples to help us understand ways in which we can act out those commands.  For instance, in 1 Timothy 5:14 God tells women to “guide the house” and then if we look back to Proverbs 31 he gives a detailed example of how a woman can fulfill her duty to “guide the house”.

In the same way in the area of a wife seducing her husband God has not left women without an example.  In fact, God has given us not only a chapter like Proverbs 31, but an entire book in the Song of Solomon! In our next post, we will assemble a series of examples and principles found in the Song of Solomon that can act as sort of “A Biblical Guide to Seducing Your Husband”.

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35 thoughts on “Why God Wants You to Seduce Your Husband

  1. @BGR Bravo! You get a standing “O” for this most needed correction in Christian culture.. Two thumbs up and a hearty “Amen”.

    Tis a shame that teachings like this are not usually part of the older women teaching the younger women curriculum. Tis a greater shame that evangelicalism has taught wives to withhold sex for advantage and celibacy as sanctification. When a man must earn the marriage bed as Al Mohler has written it makes every wife a prostitute, exchanging sex as a form of commerce.

    There is a better way, thanks for writing so clearly about that better way!

  2. @ Belle

    My copy of “The Christian Writers Handbook of Style” prefers the capital of exhalation when using pronouns referencing any of the persons of the Trinity.

  3. Ever since I first read the Song of Songs, I’ve been amazed that Christians can deny that God meant for husbands and wives to take pleasure in each other’s bodies. Why do they think we’d have a whole book on the subject otherwise? Beyond that, doesn’t the design of a woman’s body show that sex isn’t meant to just be a quick get-in-get-off-get-out affair? While most women find it difficult to get lubricated enough to have comfortable sex without foreplay and to orgasm through penetration alone, they can get lots of arousing, lubricating, and orgasmic pleasure from foreplay and from continuing to touch and be touched sexually their husbands during the penetrative phase. Plus, women’s bodies are generally very sensitive to pleasure, especially in the places where man generally like touch and kiss them the most. For example, no one can doubt that men love playing with their wives’ breasts, but they should also remember how much sexual pleasure this brings women. Women weren’t just designed to be sexually pleasing to men–they were designed to get pleasure from having their husbands kiss, caress, and enjoy their bodies. And of course there’s the psychological pleasure that women can get from sexually pleasing their husbands as well as the emotional pleasure that they can experience from a true physical union with their husband and the many relational and personal benefits of hormones released during orgasm–particularly the female orgasm.

  4. Anyway, I have a question about your description of the nympho wife. You make he point that her sexuality is more masculine in that she’s more physically oriented than relationally oriented. Is being a woman who views sex from a primarily physical perspective sinful in and of itself, or it simply an unusual perspective for a woman to have that she can put to good use for herself and her husband as long as she doesn’t become selfish? I’d think that just as men can be primarily physically oriented when it comes to sex and still care about their wives’ pleasure that women can have a masculine sexual nature and still care about their husbands’ pleasure.

  5. Alex,

    When we approach anything having to do with the genders, marriage and specifically sexual relations within marriage we must also start with this guiding principle as found in Genesis and then further expanded in I Corinthians:

    “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
    Genesis 2:18 (KJV)

    “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
    I Corinthians 11:9 (KJV)

    So the Scriptures are clear that woman was made for man and everything about her design was meant to fulfill a need or a desire on his part.

    God knew that man would need someone to bear his children and care for children and his home – so he made woman to fulfill this need. This is why he gave the women that extremely strong urge to have children – in fact a woman’s urge for children is often as strong as a man’s sex drive. He also gave women an extremely strong nesting instinct – to go and make a home and each woman makes her home in own special way.

    God knew that man needed someone like him, unlike the animals, with him who he could talk and share the joys and troubles of his life and woman having this same human nature(taken from man) fulfilled this need.

    God designed man to desire beauty just as God himself desires beauty – so he made woman beautiful to fulfill this desire of man.

    God designed man to want to be a protector, to be the hero as God himself wants to be our protector and hero. So instead of making woman as tough as man – he made her the weaker vessel so that she would be dependent on man for her protection.

    Now we come to sex. Why did God design a woman to enjoy sex with her husband? Why did he give her a clitoris and make her breasts and other areas sexually sensitive? I would argue again this was not for her benefit – but for her husband’s benefit because God designed men to receive pleasure by knowing they are giving a woman pleasure during sex. This is why porn is enticing to men – it is not just the visual aspects of the woman’s body – but her enthusiasm and her displaying how much pleasure she is receiving from the man.

    The point is that as a woman you must realize that every part of your nature, every part of your design was meant to please and benefit your husband. Your enjoyment of and desire for sex(which is good and healthy) was made for the benefit of your husband and you need to never forget that.

    So there is nothing wrong with a woman enjoying sex from a physical perspective. However with the Nympho type woman she genuinely does not care about pleasing the man – his pleasure from her is only a by-product of her getting her desire for him pleasuring her met. So while the Nympho woman’s nature may come closer to that of a man’s – I would argue it is a distortion of man’s physical sexual nature as God designed it because God designed men to actually desire the woman they are having sex with to feel and display pleasure.

  6. Alex,

    Another comment on the Nympho wife. I do actually believe a woman should view it as a problem if she is not really relationally oriented. Remember that God made woman as man’s opposite. She is his counter balance. Women are supposed to be feminine and men are supposed to masculine. So when men are more feminine(soft,frail and dependent) and women are more masculine(hard, tough and independent) this breaks the model that God designed man and woman to portray.

    Women need to cultivate a relational nature, emotional and empathetic nature that honors God, their gender and their role in God’s design. For instance I have had many people write me about their daughters that are manly, not empathetic and much more competitive like men. I have told them they need to help their daughters to downplay those masculine attributes and to encourage them to cultivate their feminine side which is usually buried deep within themselves.

    The Bible says God “male and female created he them” Genesis 1:27 and we need to encourage masculinity in our men and femininity in our women. Again this does not mean women can’t enjoy or look forward to sex – I am all for that and I think it blesses their husbands when women understand how their own bodies work and try to actually enjoy and look forward to sex. I just think there are extremes when a woman becomes too much like a man and looses her femininity in the process.

  7. BGR,

    I agree entirely with your first post. I was trying to make the point that women are designed to get the most out of sex that’s more than just lying back and thinking of England BECAUSE it motivates them to be sexually pleasing and enthusiastic to their husbands. Plus, it’s another sign of women being made to complement men. I think that you could even compare man’s desire to give his wife pleasure to God’s desire to make things that please his creation’s senses.

    And thanks for expanding on your point about the “nympho” wife. For myself, I’d say that my sex drive is primarily motivated by my desire to please my husband and then by my physical attraction to and desire for him. That’s not to say that there’s no relational component to it. Romance and emotional closeness are major turn-ons. There are also times when I seek it out for emotional comfort. But I’ll also admit that there are times where I want sex more than conversations or dates, that a lack of conversation or romance doesn’t generally diminish my desire to please and enjoy my husband because those things are important and enjoyable to me, and that my physical attraction to my husband often kickstarts my sex drive even when my mood isn’t great.

    My husband would say that he doesn’t have any problems with that because it makes me pretty easy to please and he doesn’t have to worry about getting everything right every single time. Plus, he likes the enthusiasm that it leads to because it makes him both desired and skilled. (Which I’d say he is. Lol.) Is this problematic? I do still get a lot emotionally out of sex, and I’ve worked on cultivating that more over the years.

  8. Again, many pastors do not teach things that might offend the women because these pastors are really hirelings who run their churches like a business. Therefore, the man having to earn sex with his wife by romancing her is what most women want to hear. After all, the paying customers of these churches are mainly women and these pastors don’t want to lose these paying customers.

  9. Now we come to sex. Why did God design a woman to enjoy sex with her husband? Why did he give her a clitoris and make her breasts and other areas sexually sensitive? I would argue again this was not for her benefit – but for her husband’s benefit because God designed men to receive pleasure by knowing they are giving a woman pleasure during sex. This is why porn is enticing to men – it is not just the visual aspects of the woman’s body – but her enthusiasm and her displaying how much pleasure she is receiving from the man.

    The point is that as a woman you must realize that every part of your nature, every part of your design was meant to please and benefit your husband. Your enjoyment of and desire for sex(which is good and healthy) was made for the benefit of your husband and you need to never forget that.

    This is so true! Wow! You have such a gift in the way you make it easy to understand what a wife’s role is.It seems like such a simple thing yet we must always be reminded that we were made for man and all the pleasure we receive is for their benefit. I think most women feel the same way but feminist brain washing keeps them from admitting it.

  10. Alex,

    Your Statement:

    “I think that you could even compare man’s desire to give his wife pleasure to God’s desire to make things that please his creation’s senses.”

    This is absolutely true – part of the pleasure God takes in his creation is making things that please us. God made the beauty of this entire world for his own pleasure as well as our pleasure which in turn gives him more pleasure!

  11. This blog is awesome and I am glad that I found it (almost a year since I did).

    When I decide to marry, I will definitely ask my future wife to go through this blog and tell me her thoughts and views. I think it will be a good way to find the ideal woman.

    Thank you for writing such a great blog, BGR.

  12. @Subin,

    “When I decide to marry, I will definitely ask my future wife to go through this blog and tell me her thoughts and views. I think it will be a good way to find the ideal woman.”

    That would be good.

    But, a better approach is to use the information on this blog and others like deepstrength blog to prepare your own Bible Studies on these topics. Keep it short, no more than 10 minutes plus discussion. Discuss these topics as Bible Studies with a girl you are dating, gauge her response and her thoughts.

    Start in Genesis 2 & 3 which is explained and amplified in 1 Corinthians 11.

  13. @BGR,

    So, is a man who doesn’t care about his wife’s pleasure and enjoyment of sex corrupting God’s design of sex as well?

  14. Alex,

    Your Statement:

    “So, is a man who doesn’t care about his wife’s pleasure and enjoyment of sex corrupting God’s design of sex as well?”

    Yes he is corrupting God’s design. God designed men to naturally enjoy giving their wife’s pleasure and seeing the display pleasure. A man who cares nothing about his wife’s sexual pleasure does not understand God’s design.

    I have heard of cases where men have absolutely no care or concern for their wife’s sexual pleasure even though she tries to to show him what to do – he could care less. He just wants to hop and do his business and hop off. That is not what God intended for sex.

    Now this concept can be taken to an extreme. For instance some women insist that every sexual encounter must be this long drawn out affair or else sex can’t happen at all. Their is no sin in a man sometimes wanting a quickie and women should not think badly of their husbands for that. If every encounter is a quickie – that is a problem. But if you have good times where he takes his time sprinkled with quickies here and there that should be acceptable to women.

    In other cases a man may try and give his wife sexual pleasure but because of her psychological hang ups and her lack of understanding of her own body it may be next to impossible and even be frustrating for him. Other women only want sex one way and in one position and they restrict how their husband can give them pleasure as well. In that case the fault does not lie with him.

  15. “For instance some women insist that every sexual encounter must be this long drawn out affair or else sex can’t happen at all. Their is no sin in a man sometimes wanting a quickie and women should not think badly of their husbands for that. If every encounter is a quickie – that is a problem. But if you have good times where he takes his time sprinkled with quickies here and there that should be acceptable to women.”

    I’d agree with that. When you have a full schedule, sometimes it’s necessary to have quickies here and there. And occasionally wanting things to be very passionate but very quick is okay too.

    “In other cases a man may try and give his wife sexual pleasure but because of her psychological hang ups and her lack of understanding of her own body it may be next to impossible and even be frustrating for him.”

    Agreed again. I’d also say that this is very different from a man who doesn’t care about his wife. This is a man who’s doing the best that he can with the situation that he’s in.

    “Other women only want sex one way and in one position and they restrict how their husband can give them pleasure as well. In that case the fault does not lie with him.”

    There are few, if any, cases where I’d describe wanting more sexual variety as selfishness. There, you’re not refusing to do what your husband or wife likes. You’re asking for more than just that one thing.

  16. Even “good Christian wives”, who aren’t snobby about sex, will stop short at actually trying to seduce their husbands or, for lack of a better term, act sexy. They may know how to BE sexy in dress and even in the sack, but to actually act sexy outside of the arena of the actual act is beyond them. Either they have been taught that doing so makes them a slutty woman or they are simply too lazy to engage in the activity. For those that have been raised to believe that women should not act in that manner it is nearly impossible for them to break, as it would require them to completely give up a core belief that has been pounded into them as a centerpiece of their Christianity. The lazy ones, well, they can sometimes be motivated with the proper carrots dangled in front of them, but that is just as sad a story.

    Even sadder still is that many women have men in their minds that could easily convert them to “slut mode” (just being used as a term here, not necessarily a reflection of the woman) with little to no effort. A Christian wife who would NEVER be that way with her husband would easily drool over and become VERY sexually forward if she ran into The Rock. Red pill sites have proven this over and over again.

    I think this is another case of “if it takes effort, forget it, but if it just happens, well that’s fine”.

  17. I think that it’s generally true that a wife should subduce her husband but it can sometimes cause more stress in your marriage. I no longer try to initiate sex because most of the time my husband can’t achieve arousal. This makes him stressed out and depressed so I wait until he is interested like the submissive wife.

  18. @Rachael,

    Your reasoning makes sense. But I will add that you should encourage your husband to seek medical treatment if he’s experiencing frequent erectile dysfunction. It’s good that you’re being patient and refraining from shaming him or causing him more stress–shame and stress can only worsen his problem. But that doesn’t mean that you need to stay silent. Don’t make him feel guilty in the moment when he has trouble getting elect, but don’t keep yourself from having a conversation with him outside of sex about going to the doctor. It’s not good for you or your marriage if you two aren’t able to be as intimate as you (and probably he) would like due to a physiological problem of his.

  19. Rachael,

    You are doing the right thing in your situation. Remember I said some Biblical commands like the command to be fruitful and multiply and the command for a man to drink water from his well(have sex with his wife) and satisfy(drink his fill) himself with his wife’s body as well as him be ravished(intoxicated) by her sexual love for him requires full participation on both the part of the wife and husband.

    Think about if you were trying to have a baby. What if you were not getting pregnant after having sex for several months? What would the next step be? It would be to go to the doctor and you each get tested – it might be you, it might be him or might be both of you. But what if you went and got tested and proved it was not you and he refused to get tested? Is that your fault? No. Again the command requires the full participation of both the husband and wife.

    In the same way if you husband has ED issues it is his job to go to the doctor and determine if it is a psychological issue or physical issue and get help. There are all kinds of help for ED today. And I agree with Alex – never shame a man for his ED issues in the moments when you were trying to have sex. Give it some space between that time and later at some other point gently bring up the issue and the fact that their his help for this condition. A lot of men are embarrassed to talk to doctors about ED because for a man so much of his self esteem is based is based in his ability to get an erection and please a woman sexually. When he feels he cannot do this, or is not sure he can, he may withdraw from sex from longer periods of time. It is not right and he needs encouragement though to get help.

  20. Wow BGR!!! I’ve done a few posts on this exact topic, but I love how you used biblical verses to back it all up! I even did one a year or two ago called “The Good Seductress” lol!!!! That’s one of your types of wives you describe!

    Anyway, great post, love this and love seducing my husband ❤ !!!!

  21. Oh yea and I did an entire post on that relevant magazine article teaching young unmarried Christians that they shouldn’t expect to have great sex. Yuck!!!!! I was so disturbed by that article and knew MANY young unmarried friends who read it (grrrrr). So yea, wrote an article post in defense of Christians having amazing sex (and this being God’s desire for them).

  22. Stephanie,

    I honestly did not read that post from you on the “Good Seductress” and here I thought I was being original…LOL.

    Even if I had known I probably still would have used it as it is a logical title – great minds think a like.

  23. It’s fine! LOL And the only reason I wrote that one was because multiple Christian women (crazy women) were trying to argue with me and other commenters on my blog that “seducing” your husband was morally wrong! One even brought up something about men being raped (?!?) as if that had anything to do with what the topic was about. Just crazy!

  24. Stephanie,

    I think the same people who believe it is wrong for a Christian woman to seduce her husbands are the ones that tell Christian husbands it is wrong to lust after their own wives. I have seen the same craziness. I think words are important and we need to distinguish between the original Hebrew and Greek words and how our various words are English translations use to translate them.

    For instance in our English language we have tree words “desire”, “covet” and “lust” and these words are all used to translate various Hebrew and Greek words for desire. Sometimes the desire is bad and other times it is good and acceptable. In English “lust” is always seen as a bad desire. In fact while lust used to refer to all types of bad desires(not just sexual) today in modern English it refers pretty much to wrong sexual desires. So when we are discussing sexual desires – to be clear to our English speaking audience “lust” cannot refer to a man’s normal heterosexual desires or his desires for his wife. It can only apply to illicit sexual desires and the only way it could ever apply to his wife is if he wanted to do something like sharing his wife sexually with another man.

    On the Seducing – again we often think of this in a negative sense but I do think we can redeem the word positive use. A Christian woman seducing her husband is basically the same thing as her ravishing her husband. She is intoxicating him by drawing him to her sexually. Proverbs 5:19 makes it clear this is not only a good thing that God honors – but it is actually a requirement in marriage and husbands and wives need to make a team effort together to fulfill this command.

  25. Yea I’ve heard the lust argument, too… probably here even!

    On a serious note though, it’s sad that Christians can be “stunted” in such a critical way regarding their married sex lives 😥 And I’ve always been taught that the more promiscuous a woman is before marriage, the worse she’ll be when having sex with her husband later on (for a lot of reasons but most of it comes down to her view of sex being completely wrong from the get go). This goes against our culture that says you need to have experience for everything and especially before marrying something (kind of like test-driving a car). 😦 It just doesn’t work that way. Although there are virgin women who like Snapper said, were taught that being sexy for their husbands was dirty or degrading.

    We knew a couple that got married right around the time we did, and for her lingerie shower she pointedly asked on the invites to not be given anything “too sexy,” or with “leopard print” or “racy!” Those were the words she used!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Really strange that women can feel that way about their own sexuality and in a marriage bed! We both felt sorry for her husband.

  26. @Stephanie

    I suppose that it’s possible that she didn’t feel comfortable enough with her own body to start with anything too…er…racy. But it’s more likely that she had been too conditioned into false notions of modesty to abandon those principles even in the privacy of her own home with her own husband.

    But more importantly, what was her issue with leopard print? Was she afraid that it was promoting bestiality?

  27. Alex and BGR,

    Thanks for your reply guys. I did get my husband to go to the doctor some months ago but his t count is fine and their not sure what’s causing his ED. I’ve managed to talk my husband into taking some supplements and hopefully that will help. My husband has always had a fairly low sex drive (at least in comparison to other men that I read about) even before the ED started but we want to start a family soon and I am afraid once a week won’t be enough.

  28. I hope that things get better for you both soon. ED can be a complex issue, and it may take some time to get to the bottom of it. But it is good that he’s making an effort to improve things, going to the doctor and taking supplements, and that you’re able to be patient and empathetic. His problem might be more psychological. You say that he had a low libido on his. Maybe he’s psyching himself out about being able to respond to your efforts to turn him on and then turning his performance anxiety into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  29. Alex, it was nothing like that. Looking back when I remembered it today, I had a strong inclination that her mom was probably enforcing a semi-sexless if not totally sexless marriage for her father. I’d never realized that before, but if she taught her daughter to feel that way about even sexy underwear (which the whole point is to be sexy), then it probably passed down from their marriage.

    Really sad 😦 he was a pastor, too, so that means another pastor suffering in silence with a more-than-likely sexless marriage.

  30. And just FYI for all the men who read here.

    It’s the mom’s primary duty (job?) to teach your daughters all about sex – how to think about it, feel about it, and what to expect when she’s married. My mom did a great job of this for me and I’m planning on doing that for our daughter (excited!!). I think a father can do a great job of it too if the mother isn’t available or if she’s a bad enough example that he can show the daughter where her mom made serious mistakes and messed up her own life. That’s critical for kids development… to understand the mistakes their parents made (especially the same-sex parent because it’s like a pattern for them to follow or avoid if they know how). Normally it’d be good for the mom to explain to the daughter herself what she did wrong. But many wives are still living out the bad choices they made without ever having self-knowledge enough to understand that they are even RESPONSIBLE for their bad choices.

    Kids can ONLY know how to avoid the same mistakes their mom (or dad) made if you tell them and point out a different way or what you did wrong and most importantly, WHY you made that choice.

  31. Stephanie,

    It is very sad that some mothers have a negative view of sex and pass that onto their daughters so that their sons-in-laws have a huge battle ahead of them, even if they start out as men willing to learn to be good lovers to their wives. Their wives start outviewing sex as a dirty and unenjoyable chore, at best, and they expect that their husbands will be pleased with anything they get while they themselves will never enjoy sex.

    I agree that men have to be upfront with their sons and women with their daughters on how to be good spouses and how to avoid repeating their parents’ mistakes. I also think that as children approach adulthood and marriage, they need to look at their parents’ honestly. They need to see where their parents gave them a good example, but also where Mom and Dad messed up.

  32. The passage on “be fruitful and multiply” was a command given by God directly to both men and women, so obviously both men and women have a responsibility to participate and play active roles in this. The preceding statement literarily says, “God blessed them and said to ‘them’…”. On the other hand, Proverbs 5:19 was a command only given to husbands. It means that the husband is to find ways to be satisfied and “intoxicated” with his wife’s body and her love, and not chase whores. If he’s horny, he is to seek his wife and in the times that they have sex or sexual activities, he is to indulge fully and be satisfied with her body and with their sexual activities, such that he keeps coming back for more (like an alcoholic repeatedly coming back to get drunk). Alcohol does not pursue or actively seduce a person, in the same way that the Holy Spirit does not pursue us in order for us to become intoxicated (in reference to the Ephesians 5:18 passage you mentioned). So, I don’t think that if a woman doesn’t initiate sex or take an active role in seducing or pursuing sex with her husband, that she’s sinning against God. The wife that acts more like the ‘submissive wife’ in your 6 different types of wives scenario, would not be punished because she has never initiated sex with her husband. If whenever her husband wishes to have sex with her, she accommodates him and pays attention to his preferences and tries to please him sexually, as he tries to please her during their sexual encounter, such a wife is doing her duty and her husband becomes satisfied and ‘ravished’ in their erotic love.

    It would be nice, and I bet a lot of husbands would like it if their wives initiated sex and seduced them, but just like romancing your wife, neither of these activities are actual requirements by God. Besides, for a lot of women, a major part of sexual enjoyment is the act of being pursued sexually. Even in the main act of sex, the man usually takes an active role (doing the penetration) while the woman takes a more passive/receptive role (being penetrated and receiving the ejaculate). Other sexual activities might obviously play out a little differently, but the main act is generally like that. This dynamic works well, not just in the act of sex, but in the events leading up to it too.

  33. As a new believer who is desperately trying to pull myself out of the pit of feminism, I find myself becoming depressed reading some of the articles and comments on biblicalgenderroles.com. I had bought into all the lies about marriage being an equal partnership. The whole “we are a team” as opposed to the master/ servant relationship it really is. I completely understand that everything (including men and women) is made for God’s pleasure.

    I struggle with the knowledge that everything I am is made for my husband’s pleasure. Kinda makes one feel worthless as a person. I feel like I am not allowed to have my own tastes or preferences in anything. Should I even bother having an opinion or should I ask my husband what my opinion is?

    It also kind of makes me feel like God hates women. After all, there are no women in heaven, and probably never will be. The Godhead is male, the angels are male and from what I understand there will be no marriage or children in heaven/eternity so there will be no need for gender. The pastors I have talked to about this tell me either:

    1. all women will be turned into men at the final judgement.
    2. women have no souls/ no need for salvation and when we die we just cease to exist like the animals.

    They said God only created us as women b/c He had to for reproductive purposes not b/c He wanted to. This all hurts and I have no idea what is biblical or not. I just started reading the bible and have not made it past exodus yet. How do I find joy in my role as a woman if I feel like I am nothing to God or anyone else?

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