A Christian Young Man’s Guide to Life and Finding A Wife in a Post-Feminist World

Recently I received the following email from a young Christian man which ended in a challenge from him to me.

“Dear BGR, I am a 17-year-old male who will be graduating high school in this next year.  I have attended a Bible preaching Baptist church for all of my life. I was taught both at my church and in the public schools I have attended that women being given equal rights with men was and still continues to be a good thing for society.   My parents are conservatives and I have considered myself a conservative for a long as I can remember.  Like many conservatives, I believed that equal rights for women was good thing.  But this is no longer the case for me.

Because of your blog I have had my “cultural blinders” as you call them removed.   

I did not make the connection between the rise of feminism in the mid-1800s and the rampant sexual immorality, divorce, abortion and problems with LGBTQ that we face today until I read your blog.  I cannot believe how blind I was and how blind the adults around me still are to this connection.

I love how deep you dive into the Hebrew and Greek Scriptures and how you base everything you believe on the Bible, the whole Bible and not just the parts people like.  I also love how you dissect and tear apart liberal, socialist and secularist arguments against the Bible.   With that said I have a favor to ask you or maybe more of a challenge for you.

Can you write a simple list, like a step by step list, of how young Christian men like me who have had our eyes opened to the evils that feminism has brought on our society can navigate this Post-Feminist world and live in a way that honors God and his design of gender roles?  And here will be the hardest part for you – can you do it in 1000 words or less? I just know that a lot people my age don’t have the attention span that I do and I think if you made it short, they might just listen.


Jonathan – challenge excepted.

Step 1 – Know Your Purpose in Life

God created you to be “the image and glory of God” and he created woman to be “the glory of man” (I Corinthians 11:7).  This means you were created as a man to display or live out God’s attributes in your life’s work outside the home and as a husband and father in your home.

Companionship, sex and having children are all benefits of marriage and commanded by God in marriage but they are not the reason for marriage.

Ephesians 5:23-24 tell us “the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” and “as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing”. It also tells us in Ephesians 5:25 that husbands are to love their wives “even as Christ also loved the church”.  It is “for this cause” (Ephesians 5:31), the cause of picturing the relationship between God and his people, that we are to seek and enter into marriage.

Step 2 – Read Your Bible from Genesis to Revelation

You cannot be the kind of spiritual leader and teacher to your future home that God has called you to be without becoming a student of his Word (2 Timothy 2:15, 1 Corinthians 14:35, Ephesians 6:4).

Step 3 – Keep Sexual Relations for Marriage

The only sexual relations that God calls “honorable” (Hebrews 13:4) is that which occurs within marriage between a man and woman. When you have sex with a woman before entering into a covenant of marriage with her you pervert God’s design for man, woman, marriage and sex.

Step 4 – Build Your Career First, Then Seek A Wife

In Proverbs 24:27 we read “Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house”.  Build your career first, then get build a home and family.  In Ephesians 5:29 we read that husbands have a responsibility to nourish or provide for the physical needs of their wives “even as the Lord the church”.  A man’s ability to provide for his future wife and children is a critical aspect of him picturing the relationship of God to his people in marriage. No man should ever even begin to seek marriage until he is fully prepared to be a provider for his future wife and children.

Step 5 – Look for A Woman Who Knows Her Purpose

Just as you must know your purpose in God’s creation as a man, so too you should seek out a woman who fully embraces her purpose in God’s creation as well.

“4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Titus 2:4-5 (KJV)

The women you seek should fully embrace the teaching found in the passage above.  No part of it should be uncomfortable for them.

Step 6 – Avoid Sexual Temptation While Waiting on Marriage

Some men may be able to provide for a family and therefore can marry in their late teens or early twenties because they enter a lucrative skilled trade or family business.  Others may have to wait till their late twenties or early thirties after they finish college and then spend several years in their career before making enough to be the provider God has called them to be.  A good example of those who would have to wait much longer are doctors and lawyers as it takes them almost a full decade to be firmly established in their careers.

So how does God want you to handle your unmet, yet God given sexual desires during this waiting phase of your life?  The answer is one word and it is an uncomfortable word for some while others have been taught it is a sin.  And that word is masturbation.

The scriptures condemn lust, not masturbation.  And then we must understand how the Bible defines lust verses how we define it today.  Romans 7:7 teaches us that lust is not mere sexual arousal or sexual fantasy, but it is in fact covetousness as defined in the 10th commandment. It is not a sin for you as a young man to be sexually aroused by or even have sexual fantasies about women.  It is not even a sin for you to masturbate to such thoughts or images.

Lust, in the Biblical sense, is when you think about or desire to entice a woman into having sex with you outside of marriage.  So, you don’t have to suppress your sexual nature until you are married, but rather you must exercise it within the bounds of God’s law.  And a big part of avoiding sexual temptation before marriage is to set a boundary for yourself that you will never be alone with a woman that is not your wife or your blood relative.

Step 7 – Be Diligent in Your Search for A Wife

Jesus said in Matthew 7:7 “seek, and ye shall find”.  You cannot hope to find a wife by simply sitting around and waiting for one to fall from the sky.  40 percent of couples who married in 2017 met online.

Below is a list of the most popular dating sites and I would highly recommend that you subscribe to each of them and setup a profile realizing there is a 40 percent chance you could meet your spouse on one of these sites.









Please do not make the mistake of just signing up for dating sites tailored more toward Christians like ChristianMingle, ChristianCupid and ChristianCafe.  Those sites are more tailored, but they do not have the volume of members that sites like Eharmony and Match have.  Sign up for ALL the sites above.  Yes it cost money.  But this is your future and it is worth it.  Cast as wide a net as you can.

Use all resources at your disposal and do not limit your search to only your local area, but look nationally and globally. And yes, if you look outside your local area it will require a lot more money for travel. So, start saving.  Concentrate your efforts on rural areas as urban areas are often filled with women who don’t follow God’s purpose for their lives.

Step 8 – Do not Date but Instead Court

Dating leads to relationships based on emotion rather than compatibility.  The Courtship process helps protect a couple from the temptation to have premarital sex while at the same time allowing parents the ability to offer an objective analysis of the compatibility of the couple.

You can find my companion podcast on this subject below:

73 thoughts on “A Christian Young Man’s Guide to Life and Finding A Wife in a Post-Feminist World

  1. Abolt,

    Another thing I want to clarify here. I completely agree with Rollo and Red Pill that men for the most part are rational, thus “The Rational Male” and that women for the most part are irrational(i.e. lead by their feelings rather than logic). But again I do see exceptions where some men are very irrational and lead by their emotions and some women that are in fact very rational. But as I say on here all the time, exceptions never negate norms. So it is 100% accurate to say that male human beings typically are rational and female human beings typically are irrational.

    But this is absent two major controls – the control of faith and patriarchy. When women are controlled by faith, patriarchy or both this has an effect on them. And these women don’t have to be emotionally manipulated by various means to get them do what men want them to do. They give themselves in service to their husbands as a service to God.

  2. Old Soul, the flaw there is that Time NEVER stops; her aging never stops. And it WILL take time for me to reach my potential.

    That will mean that she will have to wait, and most women will NOT wait. And if she’s attractive, there is NO WAY she will still be a virgin by 36, and plus, at 36, her youth is pretty much over.

    If a brand-new car and a 18 year old car are being sold at the same price, I am not going to pay full-price for an 18 year old car, nor have a ridiculously expensive wedding for a woman who isn’t young.

  3. Rick,
    I hear you. I mentioned in an earlier comment that if you find the right woman while you’re young and she’s into you based on your potential, you should lock it down and get to work. If you are single in your thirties and you’re just reaching your potential, you’re probably marrying a younger woman at that point. Unless you’re Prince Harry, I suppose.

    But yeah man, the whole point of the advice I laid out above was to help give you a blueprint for how to find a quality woman in your thirties, who ideally would be in her 20s. If you can’t tell, I’m a big proponent of the old school model, where a guy is generally going to be 5-10 years older than his bride.

    Good luck.

  4. One more thought, Rick – you might want to check that your mindset regarding marriage in general is right. You seem to be prioritizing age, the cost of the wedding, and virginity more than things that are far more important, like compatibility, attitude, work-ethic, and so forth.

  5. BGR, i think I’ve been misunderstood here. You said you agree with me that the church gives poor advice regarding marriage and relationships between the sexes, but then you defend Anm1 points. What then do you agree with me then? Rollo is easy to criticize since he’s not a Christian. So let’s go with Dalrock who is.

    The “control of faith and Patriarchy “ , as you said, is true. However it doesn’t exist today, except in fantasyland. Women’s Hypergamy was kept in check for Millennia by that, but now there are no restraints on it. You wish in vain for it to be so. There are thousands, if not millions of Christian men who could prove it! If you and Anmi1 think there are many devout Christian women who are willing to sign up to be your wedded sex slave , then I say you will be sorely disappointed.

    I personally can site multiple marriages in my very conservative church were the wives just punted on their marriage after 20 years, just because they felt like it. So your “ faith and Patriarch” will not insulate most men fro women’s Hypergamy. What Dalrock and Red Pill thinking does is help a man maintain Frame and save his marriage in TODAYS world, where feminism runs rampant.

    Without getting too personal, I understand that your first wife had an affair on you.
    Of course I don’t know the details, but could it have been because of her Hypergamy, and you being a Beta.? I say this with all respect because Alpha doesn’t come to me naturally either. Condensed to its purest form, RedPill is a mans defense against a woman’s Hypergamy. Period.

    If we lived in the 1500s then we men would have nothing to fear. But we live in 2019, and because feminism has infiltrated ALL churches and all women we have much to fear. And quoting Paul in 1 Cor. 7 won’t in the slightest deter 99% of Christian women from exercising there Hypergamy unless men follow Red Pill teaching, which is nothing more than understanding how women REALLY are, rather than how we think they ought to be.

    Regarding the so called negative of Red Pill “ manipulation “, it’s really not a negative. Wives, even Christian ones, manipulate their husbands in a myriad of ways. Do you deny that? Red Pill only levels the playing field for Christian men. Nothing more. True, it can be used in sinful ways by sinful men. But it can also be used in proper ways by Christian men because AWALT.

    Finally, I stand by my assertion that demanding sex from your wife tonight when she is otherwise sexually available most days is not what Paul is talking about. He,s inferring when either party is refusing sex for an extended period of time, in which case I heartily agree a husband should assert his authority over her body. But on a once and awhile occasion it’s n big deal.

    And for the husband to think otherwise means he’s just being a jerk or worse. Remember, our marriages are supposed to mirror Christ and the Church, with love, forbearance, kindness, etc. I don’t think a husband forcing his wife into sex on the rare occasion that she’s tired or just not in the mood, mirrors that! Anm1 thinks so but I expressly disagree. And I’ve still not gotten my answer to if he is married, and if so for how long?

  6. Abolt,

    Regarding your statement:

    “You said you agree with me that the church gives poor advice regarding marriage and relationships between the sexes, but then you defend Anm1 points.”

    I agree that church gives poor advice regarding marriage and relationships between the sexes, however I think you I would disagree on what is good or bad about the typical churches regarding marriage and relationships between the sexes.

    We – both you and I as well as Anm1 would agree that the church teaching men to be Mr. Nice Guy Beta type men and husbands is absolutely wrong. The whole “servant husband” garbage is a prime example.

    Here is where we will disagree. You and most churches would be in absolute agreement that a wife “occasionally” saying no to her husband’s request for sex is not a sin at all. Just like if your kid occasionally disobeys you it is not a sin as long as your kid does not do this consistently over an “extended period of time”.

    You don’t get to use “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25), without the phrase that came directly before it:
    “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in EVERY THING.”(Ephesians 5:24)

    I have been married for more than a decade to my second wife. She came into our marriage with faulty ideas about sex in marriage that centered on the woman’s desire and mood being the basis on which sex should occur in marriage. This is also what most churches unfortunately teach today(that is bad teaching of the churches I was talking about) and also what Rollo teaches. I do not believe Darlock teaches this though although I could be wrong – if someone can show me a statement where he agrees sex in marriage is centered on the wife’s mood I am all ears.

    Now does this mean I don’t think we as men should not use frame, alpha and some variations of game(depending on what they are) to get our wife in the mood? Of course not. But the reality is that sometimes a wife will be in the mood and other times she will not be. And in real marriages the wife not being in the mood is not just “occasional” if the man is being honest.

    The fact is most men want sex at least twice as often as their wives do. I actually had an extended email discussion with Rollo several years ago about this. At the end of the discussion I determined that his teachings would lead to a man not having sex as often as he desired. In fact far less than he desired. Sure he could use frame, and game and be an alpha and keep himself in shape to raise the frequency, but at the end of the day it was still the woman’s desire for him, and not his desire for her which would determine the frequency of sex in marriage.

    So in other words – both the modern church and Red Pill agree that a woman’s desire and mood determines when sex happens in a marriage, not the man’s desire.

    In other words, sex in marriage happens at the frequency of the person who desires it least(which in most cases is the woman), not the person who desires it most (which in most cases is the man). That is the cold hard truth.

    However the Bible presents a very different view of sex. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 which you deride when you state “And quoting Paul in 1 Cor. 7 won’t in the slightest deter 99% of Christian women from exercising there Hypergamy” teaches us that sex in marriage is both a right and responsibility. In other words sex is a duty and the frequency is determined by the one who desires it most, not the one who desires it least. And this the exact opposite of the church and Red Pill teach.

    I want to add this. There are many times when I have gone to have sex with my wife where she was not in the mood and I have decided not pursue it. And not just for medical issues, but other issues. This is not about a man never letting his wife off the hook. But what Anm1 said is correct. The wife should offer herself even if she is not in the mood.

    While my wife does have relapses where she acts sinfully – I have been able to train her over more than a decade in the Word in this regard. If she is not in the mood for sex and she is checking her feelings by what she knows to be right based on God’s Word she will simply say “ok but it probably won’t be as exciting tonight” – that is code for her saying “I am not really in the mood, but I will give you my body because it is my commitment to our marriage and to God”.

  7. Abolt,

    Respectfully a wife can never be a sex slave. A sex slave is NOT a wife.
    Please read these articles I wrote on the comparison of wives to slaves if you want to understand the Biblical position on this:
    Did the Bible allow Sex Slaves?
    8 Biblical Differences Between Wives and Slaves

    Again this is something Rollo and I will disagree on because he is a secular humanist and I am a Christian who bases my world view and view of human rights and social classes on the Bible.

  8. Abolt,

    Regarding your statement:

    “Without getting too personal, I understand that your first wife had an affair on you.
    Of course I don’t know the details, but could it have been because of her Hypergamy, and you being a Beta.? I say this with all respect because Alpha doesn’t come to me naturally either. Condensed to its purest form, RedPill is a mans defense against a woman’s Hypergamy. Period.”

    I have stated elsewhere on this blog that I veered between the Alpha and Beta positions at different points in my first marriage although I always did believe in male headship in marriage since I was a young man. Where I went waivered from alpha to beta was in the sexual department trying earn sex with her although she had better drive than my second wife. But if an inconsistent alpha is a beta than that may have been the case.

    Not long into my second marriage I saw my Mr. Nice Guy mentality kicking again and then I put a hard stop to it never to return.

    But hear is where the Red Pill Hypergamy theory falls apart.

    My ex-wife did not leave me for an alpha, or some muscular guy. And money wise – he made half what I did. I was a bit overweight and so was he. Neither of us were packing abs or muscles. He was actually more of a Mr. Nice guy than me and he worshiped the ground she walked on. My ex-wife had the “I want to be worshipped by my husband as the only beautiful woman in the world” mentality. She was extremely jealous of me even glancing at other women. This is why I laugh at Red Pill game theory which states if you make your wife jealous by having other women show interest that will make her want you more. My experience showed the exact opposite.

    I am a very outgoing guy and always have been and have had no problem talking to the ladies – in fact that was a primary factor in attracting both my first and second wives. With my first wife she would get angry when women talked to me and I to them at church or other functions. She would get even angrier when they would laugh at my jokes and tell my wife how lucky she was to have me. This made her have sex with me less, not more.

    The guy she left me for made her feel like she was the only woman in the world he would have eyes for. As if no other woman in the world existed. He would worship the ground she walked on and spend his life trying to make her happy every day. So no – my ex-wife did not leave for some muscular hunk or a guy with a lot more money or “a bad guy” or big alpha male. No sir – she left me for a guy who made half what I did, was not spectacular looking at all and was the biggest beta you ever saw.

    My kids still joke to this day(because she married this other guy and he is their step dad) that my ex-wife has their step dad’s balls in a jar.

  9. BGR, thanks for your kind response. I’d like to clarify a few of my points. First, I was using the term “wedded sex slave” sarcastically. I read your article sometime ago and I heartily agree.

    Second, I totally agree that a wife’s mood should NOT control the frequency of sex. My wife has certainly had sex with me when she was not in the mood. But also there have been times when I have “let her off the hook “ as you say. I’m just uncomfortable with Anm1s idea of a husband acting like a dictator and demanding sex whenever he feels like it, without concern for his wife. Ultimately our marriages are supposed to be covered with LOVE. Can he do that? Sure. Should he? I don’t think so.

    Third, regarding Red Pill, I think there’s a short term and a long term, aspect here. ST; regarding sex, I think RP is saying it’s better to cultivate desire in ones wife by using its techniques, but certainly “transactional “ sex is always available. But I’d prefer sex with desire any day. LT; regarding marriage, I absolutely believe that in today’s world, where there is no restraint on women’s Hypergamy either in society or the church, that a man who doesn’t practice some RP principals is putting his marriage in jeopardy.

    It’s said 70-80% of divorces are initiated by women, and I believe the vast majority are for unbiblical reasons. Of course Hypergamy is not 100% the cause every time, as your specific case illustrates. But I do believe it is a strong factor on the macro level. Plus you add in the group of divorcees found at every church and you find that divorce among women is contagious. The divorcees talk the married women into it. I’ve seen it a few times at my own church.

    When I mentioned 1Cor 7 I did not intend to “deride it by any means. I was merely saying that in today’s world “faith and Patriarchy “ are no insulation from a wife divorcing her husband. The evidence of that truth is all around us. As Rollo says, and I agree, women are masters at rationalization, especially on divorce. Fourthly; Dalrock talks a lot about women and their feelings. I don’t know how to insert a link here, but his series “Reframing Christian Marriage “ is a tour de force on the subject. Well that’s all for now. Look forward to talking more!

  10. BGR,
    Does your first wife know that she can NEVER legally marry again in God’s eyes?

    It’s written in Matthew that if a woman throws her husband away and marries another, that new marriage is NOT blessed and thus she is guilty of Adultery.

  11. I probably come across as harsher than I am because my attitude is that a husband and wife should know the truth of scripture and how to relate properly with each other. If you don’t start from a clear solid understanding, then there are problems. I don’t have to demand anything from my wife because my wife has faith and knows and accepts scripture. It is certainly not all my way or only about what I want as I am mindful of treating her flesh as my own as the bible commands. At the same time, the final decision is mine to make and that doesn’t make me a dictator, it makes me a patriarch. If you lead your family well and properly, there will be love.

  12. And one more thing – bgr is right on the money with a woman having real faith and real truth. If she understands and accepts the Word and has a real relationship with Jesus, she will be committed to doing what He says is right. She will not up and divorce her husband the minute it suits her or she foolishly thinks it is a good idea. This is a responsibility of the husband – to wash his wife in the Word so that she knows truth and is not lost. I will admit this is not an easy task, but it is a critical one.

  13. Rick,

    She left the church during our divorce and aside from visiting a couple churches a few times since has not been a regular church goer for more than a decade. And she would do as many women do today and rationalize why she could divorce and remarry and there is no problem – yet the Scriptures would not allow this.

  14. Anm1, I totally agree that “washing your wife in the Word” is critical. And I truly hope the best for you in your marriage. However, I still would advise caution and reading at least some RP theory. If you don’t like Rollo because he’s not a Christian, then read Dalrock, who is. And he is especially great at discussing divorce in the Church, which is about the same as divorce in the larger society, sadly. And I firmly believe my statement that a wife’s immersion in the Word is no guarantee that she won’t divorce her husband at some time. Certainly a devout Christian wife will be held in check and guided by the Holy Spirit. But even that can be overcome by her sin nature, emotions, and wrong advice from the World and divorcees in the church. The observation of women in the church who divorce they’re husbands for no good reason “I just feel out of love with him”, are rampant. Thinking otherwise I believe is naive. Thoughts like that lead a husband to be the guy who “never saw it coming”, when he’s served with divorce papers. All the best to you!

  15. I know you believe that when the boy is older he shouldn’t continue living with his parents, but I don’t agree with that. The nuclear family is a mistake. In the nuclear family every nucleus is isolated, this opens a gap for all kinds of abuse in the relationship, alienation and adultery because the coexistence is limited and nobody polices anyone.
    On top of that, young people are more educated by the media/state than by their families.

    And the nuclear family is something new. In the history of humanity the common was the “extended family”. The true traditional family is what some people call the “clan”. Sometimes living all or almost all under the same roof, sometimes living in several houses, but relatively close.

    Sometimes I think young people hate their parents. They can’t wait to leave their parents as soon as possible, to live as far away from them as possible, and they find it normal to keep in touch with relatives only on holidays. The fate of the elderly in this universe is to die in an asylum.

    I read that on twitter:

    “American conservative: kick the kid out of the house. An empty nest is a good nest.
    American traditional: build the house for 4 generations so that it can both retirement home and pre-school.”

  16. Julia,

    One of the first commands God gave to mankind is found in Genesis 2:24:

    “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
    Genesis 2:24 (KJV)

    The “leaving and cleaving” principle is crucial to beginning of a new family unit which is what each new marriage represents.

    Now how far a man must leave is certainly open for debate. In early tribal times a man leaving his father and mother simply meant he had his own tent with his wife 100 feet a way from his parent’s tent. But the fact remains there was a recognized separation.

    God does not stipulate a form of human government in the Bible – yes he allowed Israel to have a King, but ultimately he rests the most authority with the husband as the head of the home. All forms of civil government, whether they be clans with a tribal head, a monarchy, a dictatorship, or even a democracy are there to enforce God’s laws and ultimately protect the rights of the family units under them.

    I believe the nuclear family model can be a good thing or bad thing just as the extended family model can be a good thing or bad thing.

    The extended family which used to be the norm in many cultures, and still is in some parts of the world, where several married couples and their children along with grand parents and an aunts and uncles all live together in the same house or in a communal type area with houses right next to each other has its strengths and weaknesses.

    The strengths are that yes you have more accountability both for the men and the women. If done correctly you have can have men keeping each other accountable as men and women correcting other women when they don’t do their duties as wives and mothers. You also have the economic strength of that everyone pooling their resources with the men all contributing together from their work helps to reduce the overall costs for everyone.

    However the extended family model has some weaknesses as well. Often in these models the headship of each of the husband’s over their wives and their children can become blurred with perhaps the oldest member of the clan(the grandfather or perhaps an uncle) telling other men’s wives and children and what to do. It does not allow for the husband to fully exercise his rights as the head and teacher of his wife and children.

    Also the extended family model can inhibit men’s ambition to provide well for their families. After all if you are living together in one house with many other male providers pooling your resources for food and everything else you don’t have to make as much. You might be able to work at McDonald’s and be fine.

    And you are right that the nuclear family does sometimes present the problems of alienation and lack of accountability.

    This is why I believe in a more middle approach between the nuclear and extended family models. I actually have no problem with a young man living with his parents until he is married if he is working hard at his career and saving for his home. I do think though that he should buy his home just before he is married so the home will be in his name and his name alone. I believe this is symbolic that the husband is the owner of the family, he owns his wife, his children and everything that comes into the home.

    I also believe it is good for families to live close so they can help one another. I actually live only a few miles from my parents and also my niece and her husband and we all help one another often with things that come up. And I do very much believe in male accountability between nuclear families in the sense that we men keep each other spiritually accountable. This is a good thing. And it is good for the women to keep each other spiritually accountable as well and for the older women in the family to teach the younger women how to be good wives and mothers.

    But sometimes for work or other things a child may have to move further away. I think it depends on the motivation. If you are moving out to just get away from any spiritual accountability and so you can just do your own thing – then yes that is wrong. However, there are very legitimate reasons that person should move from their parents especially when they get married. The husband needs to firmly and clearly establish his headship and role as the teacher of his wife and this is very hard to do if his parents room is right down the hallway.

    Now again I realize there may be some situations where a young couple has to live with their parents for a time. I am not saying its always wrong. But what I am saying is that it is not always right either.

    But on the larger issue of a man being a provider. He absolutely must be able to provide for his wife before they marry. If he goes into a marriage knowing he cannot provide for his wife, but rather he will have to depend on his father’s provision then he is not modeling Christ as a provider for his wife.

  17. Julia,

    Also on the issue of adultery, I understand what you are saying with the nuclear family and a woman being alone while her husband is away for work and the possibility of adultery. However the Scriptures show in even an tribal extended family setting this can occur as well:

    “Now the sons of Reuben the firstborn of Israel, (for he was the firstborn; but forasmuch as he defiled his father’s bed, his birthright was given unto the sons of Joseph the son of Israel: and the genealogy is not to be reckoned after the birthright.”

    1 Chronicles 5:1 (KJV)

    Reuben slept with his father’s wife. And there have been many cases of adultery between brothers and sister in-laws while living in the same households together. My point is that the extended family model has it own inherent risks and issues as well.

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