In this concluding post to our series, “Is Red Pill Biblical”, we will discuss the Red Pill concept of Game and summarize what we have learned about Red Pill in comparing it to the Bible.
In the context of an LTR or Marriage what does Red Pill Game look like? For this I will refer to one of Rollo Tomassi’s articles entitled “Dread Games” where he gives the following practical examples of game:
“Dread, for lack of a better term, is a female condition.
Although I’ve suggested casually returning flirtations with other women as a means to amplifying desire and illustrating social proof, this is hardly the only, or best, means of fostering competition anxiety. Overt flirtations are a blunt means of stoking this anxiety, but often all it takes is a nuanced shift in a predictable routine to trigger that imagination. The idea isn’t to instill terror from fear of loss, but rather to demonstrate higher value; particularly when a woman’s attention is straying into comfortable, routine familiarity and she begins seeking indignation from other sources.
Sometimes all that’s necessary to provoke that imagination is to get to the gym, dress better, get a raise, travel for work, change your routine, adopt a Game mentality, hang out with a new (or old) friend, be cocky & funny with her – risk to offend her sensibilities. Most women believe that their pussies are sufficient to hold their men in thrall for a lifetime, but as a woman’s SMV declines and a Man’s appreciates their confidence in this form of leverage falls off, thus forcing them to adopt new schemas for controlling the fear of loss. When you head off to Las Vegas for that trade show and your wife fucks the ever-lovin’ shit out of you the night before you go, you’re experiencing one of those new schemas. It doesn’t take much, most times the lightest touch will do. Good dread game doesn’t even have to be initiated by you. Often enough, women will do it themselves.”
A man demonstrating his higher value, specifically his higher sexual market value (SMV) is central to the Red Pill concept of game. In the initial attraction phase, it is all about a man showing he has higher SMV than the other guys around him thus attracting the woman to himself. But then in an LTR or marriage situation, game switches into “dread” mode in order to stoke anxiety in the woman regarding the possible loss of her man.
This is one of those areas where I just have to flat out say that Red Pill contradicts itself. Tomassi says regarding game that “The idea isn’t to instill terror from fear of loss, but rather to demonstrate higher value”. But what is a man flirting with other women, changing his routine, hanging out more with friends and thus less with his wife in order to foster “competition anxiety” doing? The answer is it is in fact instilling terror in her in the form of anxiety over possibly losing her man.
And just for those unfamiliar with this concept, SMV, or sexual market value, is the Red Pill concept that when women are in their late teens to mid-20’s (18-25) they really hold all the cards when it comes to relationships with men in the same age group. However, as men progress past the mid-20s their SMV goes up and for women their SMV goes down. This is why you will more often see older men with younger women and it is much rarer to see older women with younger men.
Red Pill Game Was Born Out of a Reaction to Blue Pill Game
Red Pill game was a reaction to Blue Pill game or what it sometimes refers to as “Beta Game”. In his article “Our Sister’s Keeper”, Tomassi explains what Beta Game is:
“Just to illustrate, for about 25 years or so, popular culture strongly pointed men towards a sexual strategy that could be defined as Beta Game. Play nice, respect a woman by default, be supportive of her self-image and ambitions to the sacrifice of your own, don’t judge her and do your utmost to identify with the feminine, was the call to action that, deductively, should make a man more attractive to a woman.”
So basically, for several decades’ men have been taught if they are more sensitive (more feminine), put a woman’s ambitions ahead of their own, never correct her or judge her and basically live to make her happy this will evoke the emotional response of her desiring to have sex with them. Red Pill is correct that this entire paradigm is absolutely flawed. In most cases this kind of behavior will cause a woman to see a man as more of a friend, than a potential lover.
The vast majority of men today employ Beta Game which leaves women with little choice but to marry one of these men because of their need for emotional security and a man to provide for them and their future children. They then manipulate the Beta Game for their own purpose to control the relationship with their men, using sex as a reward mechanism to reinforce their control.
So along comes Red Pill game as an alternative to Blue Pill game. It shows the flaws in Blue Pill game by demonstrating women are not attracted to men that act in more feminine ways, but rather they are attracted to men with the Alpha mindset and Alpha physical qualities.
Why Red Pill Game Is an Unbiblical Concept
Is it wrong for a man to “get to the gym, dress better, get a raise, travel for work…hang out with a new (or old) friend, be cocky & funny”? No. These things can all be good and healthy for a man to do. But then we must ask is it wrong for a married man to flirt with women other than his wife?
Unless he is in the courtship process pursing a second wife following the practice of Biblical polygamy then yes, it is absolutely wrong. Flirtation outside the context and protection of courtship makes “provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof” which Romans 13:14 warns against.
I have read in Red Pill forums and comment areas of men who purposefully push their wife’s emotional buttons to start a fight with her so they can have great make up sex afterwards. Whether it be flirting with other women in front of their wife or purposefully starting a fight these methods are what the Bible would classify as “craftiness”. And the Bible says Christians are to have no part in such things:
“But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.”
2 Corinthians 4:2 (KJV)
But the biggest problem with Red Pill game from a Biblical perspective is that it is simply the flip side of a corrupt coin. And that coin is game itself.
What is game? It is simply the attempt of a man to evoke a desired emotional response from a woman, and that response is for her to want to have sex with him.
The focus of a Christian’s man’s life should not be on evoking emotional responses from women in his life so he can get more sex. But rather his life focus is to be on his mission, his call to image God with his life as 1 Corinthians 11:7 states “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man”.
A man images God in his life’s work outside the home in addition to being the kind of husband and father that God is within his home. Taking a wife is certainly a big part of a man’s mission. A man’s love for his wife should be pictured in the same way God shows his love his people through his leadership, provision and protection.
And in taking a wife, a man’s primary goal with his wife should not be to evoke the desired emotional responses from her, but rather to sanctify her as the Scriptures below state:
“25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.”
Ephesians 5:25-27 (KJV)
In the passage above husbands are called to love their wives “as Christ also loved the church” and in Revelation 3:10 Christ tells us how he loves his churches when he states “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent”.
God has chosen husbands as human instruments of sanctification in the lives of their wives. A man is called to sanctify his wife by rebuking his wife and chastening his wife as Christ does his churches.
This entire concept of a man sanctifying his wife by rebuking and chastening her is utterly rejected in the secular philosophy of Red Pill as well as the Beta teachings in both our secular world and sadly in most churches today.
So How Should Christian Husbands Deal with Sexual Denial from Their Wives?
So, if game is off the table for Christian husbands, how do Christian husbands deal with things like sexual denial from their wives? The answer is that a Christian man should throw out the corrupt coin of game (both blue pill and red pill) and replace that with the coin of sanctification.
When you as a Christian husband realize that your sexual problems with your wife are part of a much larger issue of her sanctification things become much clearer.
The sanctification of your wife requires you to wash her in the Word just as Christ washes his Church. That washing requires you to clearly instruct her in what God expects from her as a wife. That instruction then goes further into your specific expectations of your wife as her husband. Don’t worry about the fact that your expectations of your wife will be different than other men. That is ok. As long as you are applying the principles of God’s Word then it is right.
Most women today do not submit to their husband in any area of their marriage or family. Some women will submit to their husband in specific areas like where they go to church, finances and rules and discipline for the children and often these women will pat themselves on the back for this kind of submission. But it is the rare woman today who is completely submitted to her husband in the sexual arena. The overwhelming majority of Christian women, even those who think they are submissive wives, still retain ownership and control over their bodies and their sex lives with their husbands.
And this is why you as a Christian husband cannot leave the area of sexual submission alone and simply be satisfied with these other areas of submission if they are already present. The sanctification of a wife must start in the sexual arena because this will form the foundation for submission in all other areas of the marriage. In most cases, a woman who submits to her “in every thing” (Ephesians 5:24) regarding her body will more easily submit to her husband “in everything” in other areas of her marriage as well.
Rollo Tomassi, in his article “Christian Dread” stated “I know a common refrain of more traditionalist Christians is that Christianity was already Red Pill before there was a Red Pill…” which led to the question that we asked at the beginning of this series.
Do the doctrines of the Bible, upon which Christianity was founded, agree with any part of Red Pill theory?
And the answer we have proven in this 7-part series on Red Pill is yes!
There are indeed some Red Pill teachings regarding the nature of men and women that are also found in Bible. But there are also some Red Pill teachings that conflict with the teachings of the Bible. And even when Red Pill correctly identifies HOW the masculine and feminine human natures are different, it can never truly answer the reason of WHY they are different. Only the Bible can do that.
Red Pill is right that sex is a greater need for men than for women. The Bible compares a man’s need for sex to that of his need for water (Proverbs 5:15). But Red Pill is wrong in seeing man’s life imperative as simply to sow his seed with as many women as possible. A man’s strong sexual nature is only a part of his larger God given nature. His imperative is so much more than to have sex, it is to image God with his life (1 Corinthians 11:7).
Red Pill is right that men naturally have a polygynous nature and the Bible reveals this nature is blessed and allowed by God (Genesis 30:18, Exodus 21:10-11, Deuteronomy 21:15-17, Deuteronomy 25:5-7, II Samuel 12:8). But God meant for man’s polygynous nature only to be exercised within the covenant and protection of marriage and not in the way that Red Pill Pick Up Artists exercise it as whoremongers.
Red Pill is right that women do indeed have a hypergamous nature always seeking the next best man to be with. But Red Pill is wrong in seeing this as an amoral trait in women and simply a product of evolution for women to get the strongest and best seed from men. God directly condemns feminine hypergamy in the 7th commandment when he said in Exodus 20:14 “Thou shalt not commit adultery”. Feminine hypergamy was seen as so dangerous to society that God prescribed the death penalty for it in Deuteronomy 22:22.
Red Pill is right that a woman should never be a man’s mental point of origin. But Red Pill is wrong in saying that a man should make himself and his desires the focal point of his life. The Bible tells men that Christ and the life mission God has given them to image him should be the focal point of their life and not a woman (Genesis 3:17, Ecclesiastes 7:26, 1 Corinthians 11:7, 2 Corinthians 10:5).
Red Pill is right that men need to establish frame, or their worldview, in a relationship with a woman from the very beginning. And they need to hold that frame. In any courtship it is crucial that a man establish his frame with a potential wife and if he cannot establish that frame with her during their courtship, he most certainly should not marry her.
However Red Pill’s objection to overt methods of men holding frame opting only for covert and subtle influence does not match the Biblical call of men to rebuke and discipline their wives as Christ does his Church (Revelation 3:19). A man should set the frame not through subtle or crafty means, but rather through direct and plain instruction to his wife based upon the Word of God and when she seeks to control the frame he rebukes and disciplines her until she returns to his frame.
The Red Pill concept of Game has no place in Biblical Christianity. As we said earlier, it is not wrong for a man to do things like “get to the gym, dress better, get a raise, travel for work…hang out with a new (or old) friend, be cocky & funny”. But it is wrong to state that he must earn sex with his wife by doing these things to increase his SMV status with her.
The only “status” that matters in God’s perspective is that he is her husband and she has a duty to lovingly have sex with him whenever he so desires it.
Game is wrong because it is completely based on an appeal to a woman’s emotions in order to get her to have sex. In this way game, whether it is Red Pill or Blue Pill, makes a woman’s feelings the central focus of sex between a man and woman. The Biblical view of sex is that it is not based on feelings, but rather on duty (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Sex is referred to as something that is rendered, that is due and a right in marriage.
The Red Pill concept that husbands should only seek sex when their wives genuinely desire it goes against the Scriptural command for husbands to drink from the well that is their wife’s body whenever they are thirsty and to satisfy themselves at all times with it (Proverbs 5:15-19).
And finally, I want to leave with a note about the Christian version of Red Pill. I was aware of the existence of the Christian variation of Red Pill before I started this series. And I will admit I learned some new things about them while writing this series like the fact that some of them teach the need for husbands to take overt action by rebuking and correcting their wives.
But even among Christian Red Pill folks there is still much acceptance of game and appeal to a woman’s emotions and natural desire as the basis of sex in marriage. A woman having sex with her husband when she does not genuinely desire it and just because it is her duty is still seen as wrong by some Christian Red Pill folks who still hold to this part of the secular Red Pill philosophy.
But the truth is that Red Pill started off as a secular philosophy and MGTOW and Christian Red Pill were later off-shoots of the original secular Red Pill. This is why I have based this series on the secular version of Red Pill.
The Christian version of Red Pill may be much closer to the Bible and I don’t deny that there may be some additional truths in it. But I simply maintain like other “traditionalist Christians” where Red Pill is right “that Christianity was already Red Pill before there was a Red Pill”. And I prefer to use the Bible as a basis and framework from which I discuss intersexual dynamics rather than Red Pill. I see knowledge of Red Pill being good in the sense of being able to help non-Christians by showing them Red Pill truths that are found in the Bible. But we as Christians must also be cognizant of many unbiblical teachings in Red Pill as we have shown in this series.