In Ephesians 4:26 the Bible tells us “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” but in Colossians 3:19 the Bible also states “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them”. As husbands it should anger us when our wives’ disrespect or disobey us or when they shame us in front our children or others. It should anger us when our wives’ habitually and consistently sexually deny us. Our masculine natures were designed by God to desire respect and submission from our wives as he desires respect and submission from his people. Our anger at these sorts of behaviors in our wives is not only righteous, but it is an expression of the masculine image of God within us.
However, our flesh wants to convert that righteous anger into bitterness which is sin. Bitterness is holding a grudge and being resentful.
Thankfully the Bible tell us how to stop righteous anger from turning into sinful bitterness and that is to “let not the sun go down upon your wrath”. Don’t hold on to it. If your anger truly is righteous based on your wife’s sinful behavior, then confront that behavior there and then. Do as Christ does with his church in Revelation 3:19 and “rebuke and chasten” your wife. Then let go of your anger.
2 thoughts on “Husbands Be Angry, But Don’t Be Bitter”
It is tempting to dwell on the unrepentant ongoing sin that not only violates the Word of God but is personally profoundly painful. In my experience the only successful approach has been to reaffirm certain Biblical truths. The ones that I hold fast to most often are:
1) My suffering is fellowship with the suffering of Christ. He too suffered for His bride.
2) The testing of my faith is more precious than gold. Some days Its like I won the lottery
3) My patient suffering at the hands of my wife images the gospel. Christ is patient with us.
4). My covenant vow was for better or worse. God keeps His covenants, I should keep mine. I would have preferred better, but worse was always an option.
5) Choosing to love my chosen, even when I am unloved and rejected, is one of the most Christ-like decisions I can make. I can only agape because He first agaped me. (Forgive the koine butchering)
6) Discipline is loving. It may not lead the one disciplined to repentance, but it is part of Christ-like leadership that should not be ignored.
7) I often feel alone, that might be because I am alone. To be frank, I have been defrauded, betrayed, exiled and rejected. As an outcast I remember that the prophets were treated in a similar fashion. I hope that at the end of my life my story will read as one who stood faithfully for Christ when tested by trials brought from the church and at home. Like Jeremiah who was also abandoned, chest deep in mud in the bottom of the well, he cried out “Great is thy faithfulness”. No matter the circumstances, I look to the Lord and there I find rest for my soul.
8) My children see. We don’t talk about it, but they know I am suffering and they know that I have chosen to sacrificially love even if it not returned. We can’t talk about it without it feeling like gossip or me coaching them to dishonor their mother or church leaders, but in spite of few word on the subject they still see. My hope is that they see Christ in my actions and a flame of joy that cannot be extinguished. They see that I must depend upon strength from Christ to endure and love.
In my humble opinion, Male bitterness can stem from a myriad of things and can have nothing to do with his wife.
In fact, I know from experience that Men can be bitter about their role in Gods system just as a woman can.
Just one Example, A mans wife is keeper of her home and serves her husband and family per Gods design. Unfortunately, in order for his wife to stay at home he has to work 60 hours a week and is bitter that his wife cant enter the work force to help him because its not her design.
Now of course, he can tell her to do so which she would obviously submit to, but his bitterness is then shifted to being about his sex life declining, his house not being cleaned or his kids not being taken care of, etc…
Bitterness is a root internal issue manifesting in exteraneous, external way