10 Reasons Christian couples should NOT see marriage counselors

Reasons not to see a marriage counselor? I know it sounds crazy by our modern understanding of marriage. If marriage is a partnership of equals and in any partnership there will be disagreements why would counseling ever not be a good idea?

In an article from GotQuestions.com (http://www.gotquestions.org/Christian-marriage-counseling.html) they list these 10 reasons that Christian couples should seek marriage counseling:

1. Inability to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
2. One partner dominating the relationship so that the needs of the other are not met.
3. Inability to compromise.
4. Either partner stepping outside the marriage to “fix” the problems.
5. Breakdown in communication.
6. Confusion about the roles of each spouse in the marriage.
7. Pornography.
8. Deceit.
9. Disagreement about parenting styles.
10. Addictions.

These are actually NOT reasons for a Christian couple to seek marriage counseling. But to understand why these are not reasons to seek couples counseling we first need to understand four principles regarding Biblical marriage.

Four Biblical principles that should be considered before marriage counseling is pursued

The first principle of Biblical Marriage

The wife is to submit to her husband as her head in everything(Ephesians 5:23-24)

The second principle of Biblical Marriage

The wife is to reverence her husband as her master (Ephesians 5:33 & I Peter 3:5-6)

The third principle of Biblical Marriage

A husband is to love his wife as Christ loves his Church and as he loves his own body (Ephesians 5:25-31 & 33)

The fourth principle of Biblical Marriage

A husband is to know and honor his wife (I Peter 3:7)

So as we can clearly see from the Scriptures – marriage as God designed it is not a partnership of equals but it is instead a patriarchy (male lead hierarchy).

Some people might ask – why are the first two principles referring to women submitting to and reverencing their husbands?

I address a woman’s obligation to submit to and reverence her husband first because in the Bible God always addresses those under authority to obey and respect their authority first. Then God addresses those in authority and their treatment of those under their authority. So these principles are actually in the Biblical order that God addresses husbands and wives.

Biblical Principles regarding counseling

In my guide “When should a Christian couple seek a marriage counselor?” I discuss from a Biblical perspective the pros and cons of modern marriage counseling.

In that guide I discuss that while the Bible exhorts us to seek wise counsel, it also tells us that it unwise to allow ourselves to either hear counsel that undermines God’s law and his design of marriage or even if that counsel is wise if it is given in the wrong venue then it can still be wrong.

We need make sure that both WHAT counsel we receive and HOW we receive are right.

For instance there are things that a man needs to learn from another man in private about how to properly treat his wife and children. But it would be inappropriate in most cases for a man to be being corrected by another man in front of his wife and children. It undermines his Biblical authority over them, even if the advice is Biblically based. One of the few cases where it would be ok for a man to be corrected and stopped in front his wife and children is if he were physically abusing them.

See my post “When should a Christian couple seek a marriage counselor?” for more guidelines on when Christian couples should actually seek counseling and how they should seek it in various scenarios.

Now we will apply these Biblical principles about marriage and counsel to GotQuestions.com’s list.

Application of Biblical principles regarding marriage and counseling to GotQuestions.com’s 10 reasons for marriage counseling

“1. Inability to resolve conflict in a healthy way.”

Ok if this has to do with physical abuse by either spouse then I would agree the counseling needs to be sought and in some cases the civil authorities may need to be involved.   But often this issue of resolving conflict in a “healthy way” refers to couples yelling at one another.

A husband should not be yelling at his wife all the time, while there may be some cause for husband to raise his voice to his wife if she acting in a rebellious way. But even if a husband does yell at his wife more than he should – this is not something for a marriage counselor to solve. This is not something where a wife gets to run to a counselor and say “he yells at me too much”. He is her authority, she is to reverence him, obey him and serve him as his wife despite his flaws. This does not mean she cannot bring her concerns to him gently – but there is no cause for a third party in the form of a marriage counselor to come in and undermine his spiritual authority.

“2. One partner dominating the relationship so that the needs of the other are not met.”

Ok let’s be honest – they are prettying much targeting men with this “dominating the relationship” comment.

But first what does “dominate” mean?

These are some definitions of “dominate” as given by Webster’s online dictionary:

“rule or control”

“to exert the supreme determining or guiding influence on”

“to have or exert mastery, control, or preeminence”

“to occupy a more elevated or superior position”

Did we not just see in the Scriptures that the husband is the wife’s head and she is to regard him as her master in all things? Is the husband not to occupy the superior position in marriage if he is to follow God’s design and model for marriage?

So a man “dominating” this marriage in this regard is not only not wrong, but it commanded by God.

But if by dominating that means he is selfish and cares nothing about meeting his wife’s needs that God has commanded him to do then this is indeed a problem.

God defines what a wife’s needs are and how a husband must meet them. He must provide food, clothing, shelter and sex to his wife. He must know her (talk to her and spend time with her) and honor her position as his wife. But how he goes about these tasks is at HIS discretion. It is not the place of the wife to seek out a marriage counselor for her husband’s failures in these types of things.

“3. Inability to compromise.”

What compromise? The husband is to be the decider and the wife is to be the follower. A husband is to hear his wife’s concerns about various issues but ultimately the decisions are his to make whether it be in what church they attend, financial areas, what they teach their children regarding morality and the disciplining of the children and other areas of their marriage.

“4. Either partner stepping outside the marriage to “fix” the problems.”

If this is referring to a wife bad mouthing her husband or husband bad mouthing his wife to others then yes this is wrong – but again this is something that can and should be handled by the couple themselves.

“5. Breakdown in communication.”

Yes couples need to talk (I Peter 3:7 husbands need to know their wives, and Titus 2:4 wives are to show affection for their husbands).

Let’s first tackle the silent husband. If the husband is not talking to his wife this usually is for one of two reasons. The first has to do with her behavior regarding issues such as sexual neglect, neglect of her home, neglect of her children or disrespectful speech or behavior. The second reasons husbands may be silent is simply a selfish neglect toward their wife.

In either case a husband does not have the right to give his wife the silent treatment but neither does his wife have the right to seek out a marriage counselor in order to “tell on him” for his neglect. She needs to work within the marriage to find ways to encourage him to talk to her and to continue loving him, respecting him and submitting to him despite his neglect in this area.

But what about the silent wife? A wife giving her husband the silent treatment is more than just neglect to her duty to be affectionate toward him. It is an act of rebellion. It does not call for marriage counseling. It calls for Biblical discipline by her husband.

“6. Confusion about the roles of each spouse in the marriage.”

What confusion? The Bible is clear – the husband is the head of the wife and the wife is to submit to her husband in everything. The husband is to lead, provide and protect and the wife is to be the keeper of his home and bear and care for his children. No confusion, no counseling needed. Only an acceptance of the four Biblical principles of marriage that I outlined is required.

“7. Pornography.”

Again let’s not kid ourselves – this targeted at men. Your husband looking at a picture of a naked woman may be offensive to you but again what Biblical right do you have to go and “tell” on your husband to a counselor (or anybody else for that matter)? Is he accountable to you or is he accountable to God?

“8. Deceit.”

If a wife hides things from her husband say in regard to spending or is secretly undermining his directions for the children this is a sin against his authority as she is accountable to him. But he should not take her to marriage counselor over this, but rather he should exercise Biblical discipline toward her (e.g. cut up her credit cards).

If a husband hides things from his wife we must really look at what he is hiding. If he is hiding an affair or the fact that he is a drug dealer then these extreme situations would warrant a wife seeking outside help from his authorities in the church or civil government depending on what it was. But other than these big ticket items if he is hiding spending or hiding other things from her – HE is not accountable to her. He is her authority, she is not his.

“9. Disagreement about parenting styles.”

Yes husband and wives are going to disagree about parenting styles. The husband should hear his wife and truly consider her position. But at the end of the discussion it is ultimately his decision as to what parenting style will be applied. The Bible does not allow for a wife to drag her husband to a marriage counselor to convince him that her style is the better one to use.

“10. Addictions.”

A drug addiction or alcohol addiction may be a reason for a wife to seek help from her husband’s authorities as these can directly affect the safety of her and her children. A gambling addiction may be a reason to seek outside help IF this addiction is causing the family not to have food or shelter which a husband is required to provide.

But other than these types of addictions if a husband is say “addicted” his job, to watching sports, watching regular movies, watching porn on his computer or playing video games it is not the place of a wife to seek outside help for these things for her husband. Remember she is not responsible for him and his behavior. Only those things which can cause a real danger to the family or are cause for Biblical divorce would allow a wife to seek outside help.

Conclusion

As we can see in most cases except for extreme conditions none of these 10 reasons for seeking couples counseling would be Biblically valid when we apply the four principles of Biblical marriage to these situations.

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14 thoughts on “10 Reasons Christian couples should NOT see marriage counselors

  1. Brother, what clarity!!

    Not just in your message, not just in the clear referencing of Scripture; but clear to the human experience!

    In my own marriage I’ve seen issues, I’ve worked on myself, but I’ve also defended myself (to my wife) in areas where no such defense was necessary. This just exposes how much both of us have been inundated the modern churchianity, not to mention the messages in our culture!!

    I’ve been blessed hugely on the other hand in that for the most part, my wife and I were both raised with strong values, and a strong priority placed on our faith and beliefs. However, I still encounter areas where her belief is “well if you have that freedom why can’t I? “, and a healthy dose of solipsism returned my way when i do attempt to explain.

    I can only say” by the grace of God “that we’ve made it this far; but i can see that God has a design for us, and until my marriage is reflecting that my mind won’t be able to rest completely.

    Do you ever do Skype or phone calls? I’d be extremely interested in having a conversation with a man who’s completely aware of where we’ve gone and where we’ve come from. Either way, I’ll keep reading (TRP is a brainful) !!
    Thank you.

  2. Having been to a “Christian” marriage counselor once before let me relay to you the signs that caused me concern:

    1. Didn’t offer or suggest praying before sessions.
    2. Didn’t seem to grasp the root of the actual problem, but bandied around with a bunch of fluff questions.
    3. Focused on pointing out my faults and shortcomings and spent very little time analyzing my wife.
    4. Finally just started heaping all fault on me, and completely ignoring my wife altogether.

    I would never recommend any Christian couple go to counseling with anyone other than strong, married and dedicated family members. Even then you have to be careful because so many Christian men and women are trained to see the man as the fault in every situation. For the best advice, administer a healthy dose of the Bible daily, along with prayer and, even in this modern age, a few days of fasting/prayer a month.

  3. Good piece that uses the sword of the Word to slice into our therapy nation’s addiction to “counseling” from any source, save the Word of God.

    One minor quibble and correction. You wrote A husband is to know and honor his wife (I Peter 3:7)
    that is a modernist and feminist hermetic of the 1 Peter 3:7. I do not blame you, for this is the common christo-feminist teaching and evidence the influence of the feminist imperative in translations.

    Peter says The husbands, in like manner, dwelling with them, according to knowledge, as to a weaker vessel — to the wife — imparting honour, as also being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 YLT I quote from the YLT because it is closer to the Greek with less bias from the the translators. The grammar is a little difficult , but the point is that a husband is not commanded to know his wife, she is not the object of knowledge, true knowledge is to know Christ and His word. Peter is saying that a husband is to live with his wife knowing the Word of God so that he can honor his wife the weaker vessel. Knowing the Word he will know the besetting sins common to women and how to admonish her and train her in righteousness with the Word. (2 Tim 3:16)

    Prior to the civil war most commentaries wrote that 1 Peter 3:7 was about how the husband’s knowledge consisted primarily in knowing his Lord, the Lord’s word and secondarily the sins of his wife that he might sanctify her. With the rose of the FI the commentators have abandoned those ideas for the tenant that marriage is about communication. Modern translators have also given validation to that idea in 1 Pe 3:7
    The implication by the imposition Paul’s parallel of marriage with Christ and the church (Eph 5:31-32), is that the relationship of a Christian with Christ is primarily about communication not faith and obedience.

    Jesus says he know the Father and the Father know Him (Jn 10:14), the sheep know His voice (Jn 10:4), and follow Him. The Bible has many examples of inferiors knowing the will and the voice of their authorities, but hardly a few words on superiors knowing their inferior. Obedience and leadership are emphasized much more, than communication. The point is not that husbands should not listen to their wives, (that is a straw-man), but that 1 Pe 3:7 commands something else. That inferiors ought to know the will and word of their superiors, husbands know and obey God’s will and wives know and obey their husband’s. Knowing the Word of God, a husband will know how to live with his weaker vessel honoring her as a fellow heir of the grace of life. In other words she is sinner, who by the imputation of Christ’s righteousness to her and the imputation of her sin to Christ, received by faith alone, she is justified and welcomed as an adopted child of God with all the implied benefits, just like me!

  4. Jonadab,

    I am familiar with that interpretation that you mention but I believe if falls short of the context of the passage. The knowledge of God, his attributes,his salvation and his Word to us is certainly the most important knowledge we can ever hope to have(and none of us will ever know him completely until we someday meet him face to face if we are believers).

    However while every word that God spoke in the Bible through his prophets, his Apostles and his Son is the truth – the Bible does not contain ALL truths about the universe. All truth is God’s truth, but not all truth is found in the Bible. If I want to learn about physics or mechanical engineering I will need to study books on those topics. All the truths about the physical world found in those books are indeed God’s truth – but yet they are found outside his Word.

    In the same way if I want to know about my wife – then I must study her. I must talk to her. I must spend time with her.

    The “knowledge” in I Peter 3:7 in the context of the passage is very much talking about a man having knowledge of his wife. You cannot know your wife without talking to her. You cannot know her without spending time with her. This is not part of the feminist imperative to believe this.

    While there are some sins common to all women(just as there are some sins common to all men) each woman is uniquely different. I can tell you this from real life experience having been married to two women. While my first wife and my current wife struggle with some sins common to all women they both struggle with some VERY different sins.

    But knowing one’s wife is about much more than know what sins she struggles with and helping her with those sins. It is also about know her needs(true needs) and concerns and doing our best as husbands to address those things.

    Yes wives and children are both inferiors in position to the husbands and fathers.

    But God hears our prayers as his children, and he hears the prayers of his churches(his wife). He knows our needs and concerns before we ever utter them, yet he still loves to hear us pray to him.

    I believe when the line of verse 7 says “lest your prayers be hindered” this is telling me – If I do not hear the concerns of my wife God will not hear my concerns.

    Now I agree with you that duty and obedience are far more emphasized than communication as foundational principles of marriage and if previous generations were guilty of completely neglecting communication in marriage we today are guilt of putting communication between a husband and a wife on a pedestal and worshiping it.

    Also in the area of communication with one’s wife – I am not saying men have tell their wive’s every thought they have, or spend every waking hour at her side expressing their feelings to one another. Men do not need to “get in touch with their feminine side”. But in a straight forward manner we as husbands should know on a weekly and even daily basis if possible the issues our wives face and hear their concerns in the same we way we want God to hear our concerns.

  5. I think marriage counselors can be huge blessings. But they have to be used correctly. A lot of the points you make (both the ones I agree and disagree with) seem to stem from the picture at the top of the post. A wife is pouring her heart out to another woman while her husband sits in silent frustration about to be told what a terrible person he is from two women now instead of just the one that he hears constantly at home. In that instance, I agree that marriage counseling is useless. Just like a random man walking up to your wife and telling her she needs to have more enthusiastic sex with you is not likely to produce much in the way of results (and will not touch the issues your wife has with you in the marriage), this kind of counseling isn’t going to actually change the man nor will it address the issues he has with his wife.

    For counseling to work, I believe three stipulations must be met. 1: the counseling must be Christian (which is not the same as ‘Christian’ so please nobody start with the straw-men…I’ve been to a terrible counselor who called herself a Christian as well so please whine to somebody else). 2: Both parties must be willing to participate. This is different from one spouse nagging, badgering, or commanding the other to go to counseling. I’m guessing the man in the picture has finally agreed to attend in order to stop his wife’s constant nagging, he is clearly about to check-out of the session entirely in his frustration, and he will likely return home with everything in the marriage just a little bit worse than it was previously. Clearly not a positive thing for either spouse. 3: Both people must be willing to change and accept some responsibility for the situation. Rarely is something 100% somebody else’s fault (although it might be 95% in some cases in general we tend to see ourselves as less at fault as we actually are). Just like some women are probably shocked when their counselors tell them that sex is indeed mandated in the Bible (as mine told me….except I wasn’t shocked lol), some men might be surprised to find that being the leader doesn’t mean that everything works out how they wanted and issuing blanketed commands all day might not be being the Godly leader Jesus intended.

    Also, counseling is often not intended to bring about some earth-shattering revelation that we would never have considered in the privacy of our homes. So just because an issue might have a clear solution, doesn’t mean that counseling isn’t helpful. While I knew that my childhood abuse wasn’t my fault, it took a counselor that I saw in college to help me get over the final issues with it (which probably were complicated by my terrible childhood counselor, so there is that). Just like once you’ve read the Bible once, you’re not all set for the rest of your life, it is sometimes helpful to be reminded of things and who knows you might even learn something that you missed the first time around. While our pre-marital counselors didn’t share anything that was entirely new to us, they did have a couple ideas that we hadn’t considered and that were very helpful to us. It is also helpful sometimes to have someone else say something. My sister tried numerous times to get her husband to realize that being an alcoholic was destroying their family, but it took a counselor (that he saw on his own btw) to actually convince him of that fact. Similarly, a women who would talk to your wife about sex would probably have a much greater effect than you on your own would. However, nobody should view a counselor as a weapon in their arsenal. Every spouse will see right through that and good counselors aren’t comfortable being in that position either.

  6. There are a couple of things that I disagree with. One being when you state that men should never compromise with their wives. That is not being a good leader. A leader listens to his people’s concerns and uses his judgment to come to a solution that he feels is best. Sometimes this means sacrificing some of his own wants or needs. He doesn’t stomp his feet and tune his people out when they are feeling upset/scared/concerned.

    Second, I believe that both men and women have trouble viewing a situation neutrally. It’s human nature to view things through lenses that are comforting and make sense to us. I believe this is where a counselor can come in. Many times, a man is so busy pointing the finger at his wife for her sins, that he doesn’t even recognize the part that he has played. Make no mistake, women do this too. In my experience, it is very rare that one person holds ALL of the blame. There are instances where a person might hold most of it, but almost never all of it. My point is, a good Christian counselor can serve as a neutral party that can see the marriage objectively, and give advice accordingly.

  7. AnnaMS,

    My position on counseling has evolved over the years as I have examined the Scriptures and removed my cultural lenses. This is actually my newest position on it as I used to think it was more useful than I do now. But over the last two years after receiving tons of emails from men and really even going back to my own experiences with marriage counselors I came to realize these key concepts:

    1. Sometimes my wife would want to take me to counseling for someone else to tell me I was wrong for how I was treating her.
    2. Sometimes I would want to take my wife to counseling for someone else to tell her how wrong she was treating me.

    I realized this entire scenario was wrong. Now yes we hear the cliche all the time “You should go to counseling to fix yourself” and to a some degree I agree with that and to some degree I disagree with that.

    But the question is what kind of counseling should you go to get critical feedback about yourself from someone? Couples counseling or individual counseling? I maintain that the VAST majority of the time men should be doing individual counseling with godly men whose counsel is 100% based in the Scriptures and women should be doing the same with godly women whose counsel is 100% based in the Scriptures.

    Also not only the method of counsel but the reasons for counseling are cause for concern.

    Should a wife take her husband to counseling because she thinks he does not spend enough time with her?
    Should a wife take her husband to counseling because she thinks he does not handle the money as she would like him too?
    Should a wife take her husband to counseling because she disagrees with how he disciplines the children?

    Outside of an extremely abusive situation I believe the answer to these and many other reasons women often prompt their husbands to go to counseling is a big fat “NO”. Are husbands sinless and perfect – of course not. Are wives sinless and perfect either? Of course not.

    But who is responsible for whose behavior? A person is only responsible for their behavior and those UNDERNEATH them to extent that they can discipline them.

    So a husband and father is responsible not only for his own behavior, but also to the extent that he can discipline them- his wife’s behavior and his children’s behavior. Only when a husband has exhausted all manner of discipline that he can bring on them and in extreme situations then he may have to seek outside assistance. But in most cases when it is men initiating counseling they have not even tried to discipline their wives – they think they are powerless and need some outside person to tell their wives they are wrong.

    With a wife she is only responsible for herself and her children’s behavior to the extent she can discipline them in keeping with her husbands methods of discipline. A wife is NOT responsible for her husband’s failings.

    If she believes her husband is not spending enough time with her, not talking to her right or not disciplining the children in a manner she agrees with then she can tell him that in a private setting in respectful and kind manner. Then it is up to him how he will respond to her concerns.

    Our world today tells wives – “if you husband is not treating you as you think you deserve to be treated, or is not doing things with the children the way you think they ought to be done, or is not handling the finances as you think…or anything else – if he won’t change after you talk to him then its time to find a marriage counselor.”

    Really? We believe this stuff. Since when did God give women such power ton usurp their husband’s authority or try to “fix him” in these ways?

    The truth is that Biblically speaking if a wife shares her concerns with her husband and he chooses not to act on them the way she should – guess what she needs to do? Give it to God. Continue submitting to him. Continuing loving him. Continuing obeying him. As long as he is not abusing her or the children or asking her to engage in sinful activity she is called to submit to her imperfect husband. She is not responsible for his behavior as he IS responsible for hers.

    Really think about what I am saying – What are the reasons couples most often go to couples counseling?

  8. AnnaMS,

    One other point I wanted to raise. I realize that we as husbands can think our wife is wrong when perhaps we have also wronged her. But that is why we as men need to have godly mentors – elder men in the Lord who know the Scriptures well and will tell us when we missed something and perhaps where we are wrong in our treatment of our wife.

    I know in my life that has been the case where I counseled with my father or another elder man in the Lord and they would point out some things I had not considered and then I would have to go home and apologize to my wife. But this type of critical reflection needs to come from other men in the Lord. It does not need come from a wife dragging her husband to a counselor.

    Where I do think counselors come into play is in extreme situations(like affairs and physical abuse of the spouse or children, or alcoholism ,drug addiction, gambling addictions…ect). I think in these cases it is right to bring the spouse for the express purpose of confronting sin and getting them to admit a problem and get help.

    But there are a lot of lesser things than these that wives simply need to learn to live with.

    Maybe he is not talking to you as much as God would him to. Then kindly tell him in private how you feel and then pray for him.
    Maybe he does not handle the fiances in a way you think is right. Then kindly tell him in private how you feel and then pray for him.
    you get the point – fill in the blank the answer is the same.

  9. Mari,

    When I am talking about men not compromising on things with their wives I am not talking about men being selfish.

    I agree with this statement you said “A leader listens to his people’s concerns and uses his judgment to come to a solution that he feels is best.

    I agree 100% a husband should listen to the concerns of his wife and truly consider them. But as you so correctly point out – it is ultimately his decision. If he were to go along with his wife’s request to do something that he believed was wrong then he has just compromised in away that is wrong. God calls on a husband to take in all the facts and and concerns and then seek God’s guidance and make a decision.

    I agree that men sometimes need to sacrifice some of their wants and needs for the sake of their wife’s – this is part of the sacrificial love a man should show his wife. A man in his role as father also needs to sacrifice his needs and wants sometimes for the betterment of his children as well.

    Being husband and father is very much about sacrifice.

    However another part of being a husband and father is teaching one’s wife and children to sacrifice for each other and not to be selfish toward him. So if a husband sees that any of his children are dominating time or resources in a way they should not – or being too demanding then he has to address this. Guess what? Wives can be selfish toward their husbands and children and attempt to dominate their time and resources for their own selfish desires and a key job of a husband is to nip this kind of behavior in the bud even in his wife.

    The husband and father is in essence the referee of the house. He takes all parties concerns into account and he attempts to balance things out(including himself) to the best of his ability.

    I agree 100% that we have a hard time viewing things neutrally. But that is where we have mentors -godly men for us as men, and godly women for women who are willing to criticize us(in a loving way) and tell us where we are wrong. We don’t need couple’s counseling for that.

  10. BGR, I think my whole issue is when you say ‘take someone to counseling’. That sounds very similar to taking someone to court (and honestly, outside of legal authority, the two are sometimes very similar when done for wrong reasons). Neither spouse should be ‘taking the other’ to counseling. As I listed as my second stipulation, couples need to be in agreement on that. Now you might say that a husband has authority to force his wife to attend counseling, but then I would ask what is possibly going to change when spouses are unwilling to? This works both ways as the husband in the picture above has clearly been coerced into attending and nothing is going to change in that marriage either (other than to continue to deteriorate of course).

    If someone is viewing a counselor as the whole “while Susie/Jimmy was on my side, remember?”, they’re going about it all wrong and that kind of counseling will never work. Like I said earlier, a counselor should never be a weapon in someone’s arsenal. And good counselors are never going to want to be in that position.

    I think individual counseling is the best option and a lot of cases I’ve heard where couples will come in together to share their opinions and what they are struggling with in the marriage, and then the counselor will see them as individuals (this happened with my sister). Obviously that is ideal.

  11. AnnaMS,

    In most circumstances I agree with you that it is usually counter-productive to “take someone to counseling”. Exceptions would be if someone is suffering from suicidal depression and needs medication or other such help or has other type of addiction like gambling or drug addictions.

    Even though I think a husband has the authority to, I agree with you that in most cases nothing will change if the wife is forced to go. When I took my wife a few years ago to counsel with my Pastor and his wife she agreed to go. However looking back I think there may have been other ways to convince her using other disciplinary means.

  12. The whole marriage counselling thing is a product of a feminized society and a subtle way to let a woman usurp her husband’s authority in the home.
    We are living in a terribly feminized Western world , all the psychology and mentality has been wilfully emasculated and feminized .
    We are really under a Isaiah 3:12 curse ..with children as little tyrants and women dominating the whole picture.

    The term ‘abuse’ for example , a term that is not much to be found in the Bible though , is being used as a weapon by rebellious wives to get husbands yield to all their immature whims.
    ‘Abusive’ is so subjective a term that it can what we , women , more emotional , more in line with deceitful and changing feelings want it to mean.

    Feminized psychology is so dangerous and has no Biblical root . Yet , the devil has suceeded in corrupting the body of Christ with it.

    Actually , all the issues that couples face are so often tied to the feminist/masonic lie of ‘equality’ brought in a post modern world and forced upon us all .
    I remeber an interview of Simone de Beauvoir on You Tube ( 1975 french interview with English subtitles) where she clearly said that there would be more and more issues and conflicts if wives were given the same position of authority (which is in fact impossible) as their husbands.

    Satan is at work like never before. Our Western societies are under the radical feminist yoke and the pressure is terrible.

  13. 3 reasons wives like going to therapists:

    1) To have help justifying why and how they need to or are trying to change their husbands.

    2) To have someone else change their husband.

    3) To have justification and documentation to leave.

    Each time my wife and I went to therapy she figured I would roll over and take the verbal bashing like I do at home. With each different therapist I would give them full disclosure of my side and with out a doubt we would end up not going back. Why? My opinion would be that the therapist ended up wondering why she was the one taking me to therapy instead of the other way around.

    In each and every case, the therapists wanted to know if I wanted to be there. Is that a trick question? Yes, I want to spend 2 hours (drive time) and $100 for something I could fix with duct tape.

    The real question is why do wives have to be a complete and other kill joy for everything a husband enjoys. As of today, my wife has found the very last thing she can pick on, make fun of, or criticize that helps ease my tension and make me laugh. What was it? Joking with her brother about the size of the dancers butts in the super bowl. He is a half a world away and she read my texts. No swear words, nothing crude other than they had big behinds. Didn’t even use the word ass. She flipped out on me, then flipped out on her brother.

    From my hobbies to my career, she has managed to bash everything in my life. My parents, my friends, my employees, my choice of church.

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