In 2019 America, the only people you can call foolish, stupid or any other host of “negative labels” is white men. If you call a woman “foolish” you are a misogynist and if you call an immigrant “illegal” you are a racist and xenophobe.
But the fact is labeling someone based on their behavior is not hatred of an entire class of people. It is simply calling out wrong behavior.
Just about every time I hear Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez speak on television the following Scripture passage comes to mind:
“A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.”
Proverbs 9:13 (KJV)
And I am willing to bet that even many of AOC’s fellow democrats are having a very similar thought every time she speaks.
But Christians Should Not Call People Fools!
Some Christians may challenge me and say something like “We should never call anyone foolish.” Some might even point to the following statement by Jesus Christ to condemn me for calling anyone foolish:
“But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.”
Matthew 5:22 (KJV)
Christ seems to be saying if we calling anyone a fool, we are in danger of going to hell. But when we study the Bible, we must look at the entirety of the Bible to fully understand the truth of God’s Word.
In the same Gospel of Matthew Jesus called the Pharisees “fools”:
“15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
16 Woe unto you, ye blind guides, which say, Whosoever shall swear by the temple, it is nothing; but whosoever shall swear by the gold of the temple, he is a debtor!
17 Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gold, or the temple that sanctifieth the gold?”
Matthew 23:15-17 (KJV)
And now lets look at what Job said to his wife in the Old Testament:
“9 Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.
10 But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.”
Job 2:9-10 (KJV)
Job told his wife she was acting as a foolish woman. And the Scriptures tell us he did not sin with his lips in saying this or anything he said before this.
So, when we tie these passages together with what Christ said what was he actually saying? He was saying that we should never call someone a fool unjustly. There are certain things that are necessary because we live in a sin cursed world. One of those things is killing. Sometimes when we kill it is justified because it is self-defense. Other times when it is not justified it can be man-slaughter or murder. And in the same way because of sin, we have sinful foolishness in this world exhibited by both men and women. And when people act foolish by God’s standards – we are right in calling them out as such.
A Silly Simple Foolish Wife
In a recent podcast I made for BGRLearning.com that goes by this same title “Silly Simple Foolish Women” I take on another foolish woman much like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. But unlike AOC this woman is not a politician and the foolishness she is spouting is not about the political realm, but rather about what she believes is important and not so important in marriage. You can listen to the first part of this podcast for free here.
The title of the article is “I Didn’t Have Sex With My Husband for Five Months and He Had an Affair”.
The summary of the article is basically this – she continued to push her husband away for months due to stress and just not feeling like having sex. And then SHOCKER! Her husband admits he had an affair after this denial by his wife because in his words “you hadn’t touched me for almost six months”.
This woman, much like the simpleton AOC, was perplexed by this. How could the man that loved her do this to her? And she saw no wrong in her denying her husband sex for almost 6 months.
She then makes the following keen observations about her husband:
“If we were having sex, he didn’t give me a hard time about buying myself a new shirt.
If we were having sex, he did things around the house willingly.
If we were having sex, he acted like he liked me more.
If we were having sex, he complimented me, the way I looked and how I mothered.
If we weren’t having sex, that all went away. He said it was because he felt neglected, unhappy and ignored.
It didn’t matter that I did his laundry, put it away for him, made him dinner every night and baked his favorite pie or cookies.
It didn’t matter that I kept the house clean, and took care of all the kids’ appointments and schedules, so he didn’t have to worry about it.
He once told me that he’d rather have the house a mess and no food in the house and a disorganized life, if we were having more sex. Twice a month wasn’t enough for him.
He’d told me that I’d “tricked” him, since I was more sexual when we first started dating and falling in love.
I realized after some time, having sex made him feel more like a man. My “withholding” made him feel less like a man, so he had to go get it from someone else…
He just wanted to feel like a man. But it wasn’t my job to make him feel like a man.
If he couldn’t look at me and see a wife who loved him, birthed his three kids, cared for him, and felt fulfilled and thankful, but who just needed to not feel pressured to give him an orgasm every other night, then I couldn’t make him see all he had.
A woman’s worth goes way beyond how much sex she’s having with her husband. Whether he sees that or not is up to him.”
Can you not feel the condescension toward her husband’s sexual needs dripping from her statements? If you read the entire article you can see that this woman placed very little value on sex in marriage and specifically meeting her husband’s sexual needs.
In fact, it is very clear from her statements that she like many other women does not see sex as a need in marriage. To her sex is just something you do once in a while when she, the wife, feels like it.
You can very much see that this woman like many women today saw her marriage as revolving around her in direct contradiction to the what the Bible says is the wife’s position in regard to her husband:
“Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
I Corinthians 11:9 (KJV)
She was the one who set what made her valuable as a wife, not her husband and not any other man.
Oh, what a foolish woman.
I can just imagine the next relationship she went into. Did she tell the guy up front “We will just have sex when I feel like it. Most of the time I will feel like it once or twice a month and sometimes I may not feel like it for several months.” Wow I am sure she had a line of men waiting to marry her after divorcing her husband! Now that is a valuable wife!
While it is true that a woman’s worth goes beyond how much sex she is having with husband – how much sex she has with her husband is absolutely a critical factor in in her worth to him.
It is great that she birthed and cared for his three children and cooked and care for the needs of his home. The Bible tells us that this is something God wants women to do and we as men should value our wives for these things:
“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”
1 Timothy 5:14 (KJV)
“Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.”
Psalm 128:3 (KJV)
So yes, dear woman, giving birth to your children, caring for them, cooking for your husband and doing his laundry all have value in God’s eyes and these things should have value in your husband’s eyes. But these things do not represent all that gives you value to him as a wife. God created you to meet these needs of your husband but he needs these things and something else as well. He needs sex with you.
But Sex Is NOT a Need!
I can’t tell you how many emails and comments I receive from mostly women (and a few men) with them claiming that sex is not a need for a man and it is just a want. Their logic usually goes like this “A need is something that you will die from if you don’t get”. So, in their view, only things like water, food, clothing and shelter are true needs while sex is just a fun thing to do for man.
But the truth is that while no man ever died from not having sex, many marriages have in fact died from lack of regular sexual relations. This woman’s story with her ex-husband is a perfect illustration of this truth.
And speaking of human needs like food and water, the Bible compares a man’s need for sex to the human desire for water:
“Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.”
Proverbs 5:15 (KJV)
Ladies – would you want to wait to have a drink only once or twice a month?
“18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.”
Proverbs 5:18-19 (KJV)
We can see from the above passage that God meant for man to drink his fill of his wife’s body. This is not a “nice to have” once or twice a month thing, but rather a husband is to have full access to wife’s body “at all times”.
Conclusion
From a Christian perspective both this husband and wife were wrong. The wife’s sin occurred first. The Scriptures tells us that sex in marriage is a duty that is owed by both the husband and wife toward one another as seen in the following passage:
“2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
I Corinthians 7:2-5 (KJV)
This passage from I Corinthians tells us that sex is both a right and responsibility in marriage and that the only thing “mutual” about when you have sex is when you DO NOT have sex. You as a couple must agree to short times for prayer and fasting or other such things. Or perhaps one of you is having surgery or the wife is having a child. These are all reasonable reasons that couples can mutually agree to forgo relations for a short period. But even then, there are many ways besides vaginal intercourse that a wife can help her husband during these times.
So, the wife in this story sinned against God and her husband by denying him her body. She acted foolishly and she did not heed God’s warning that regular sexual relations should occur to avoid the temptation to fall into the sin of fornication.
And that is exactly what her husband did. Her sin placed him in a very tempting position and he gave into that temptation and sinned. I am not justifying his sin any more than I am justifying her sin. But the fact is that often one sin can directly lead to another as is seen in this story.
This woman, like many wives today ignorantly saw sex for her husband as just giving her husband “an orgasm every other night”. But the truth was right in front of her in her own observations of her husband’s behavior toward her when she was giving him regular sexual relations:
“If we were having sex, he didn’t give me a hard time about buying myself a new shirt.
If we were having sex, he did things around the house willingly.
If we were having sex, he acted like he liked me more.
If we were having sex, he complimented me, the way I looked and how I mothered.”
Wow – so you as a wife notice that when you do a certain thing that this certain thing results in your husband letting you buy nice things you want, him helping around the house more, him acting like he likes you more and him complimenting you more.
So instead of doing this certain thing which you saw evoked all these positive behaviors in your husband, you instead held it back. And you foolishly thought to yourself that you if you denied him this certain thing but baked him his favorite cookies that you should still get the same result?
This behavior on the part of this wife and so many women is well summed up in a famous quote from the movie “As Good as it Gets” staring Jack Nicholson. In the movie Nicholson’s character is a writer and a woman comes up to him and asks him how he writes women so well. His response is not only golden but it is utterly true of the vast majority of women today:
“I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.”
And this is exactly what the wife in this story has demonstrated about herself. She has taken zero accountability for her actions in sexually denying her husband and has placed all the blame at his feet. And she fails to show any ability to reason that in order to have her husband’s affection regular sexual relations would be required. Instead she irrationally thought to herself that he should have done all these things for her and valued her apart from her giving him regular sexual relations.
What a SILLY, SIMPLE FOOLISH WOMAN.
So, wives here is your challenge from the Word of God:
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
Proverbs 14:1 (KJV)
Will you be the wise woman who actually sees the importance of regularly giving your body to your husband whenever he desires it and thus reap the rewards that this woman saw when she did? Or will you foolishly and naively think you should be able to have all those things and also never worry about your husband being sexually tempted all the while you are sexually denying him?
Will you be a wise woman or a foolish woman? The choice is yours.
Biblical Gender Roles 
Funny how women today believe sex is necessary to keep a boyfriend, but not necessary to keep a husband.
Every time a wife feels like sex isn’t needed, or “I don’t feel like it,” or “he should know I am worth more than sex,” (yes, you are, but that does NOT cancel out sex), etc, know that it is the Enemy deceiving you like he did Eve, and it will bring destruction to your marriage. Shove it in the Enemy’s face and go have sex with your husband! And thank God for the gift of sex in marriage! Let loose! Enjoy the orgasm!
There are many a wife out there that doesn’t get the bigger picture of what sex is actually about. Sure it is pleasurable, and yes, the man almost always has a release, but it goes much deeper than all that. What a lot of women don’t understand is that sex for the great majority of men is about acceptance. Sex is one of if not the greatest act of acceptance a women can show a man. Through the act of sexual intercourse, his very being is carried by the woman and that entails her to a special place in his priorities. To refuse sex is to reject the person. No man goes out of his way for a strange woman who has no intent to carry his seed and the wife should know that she has a very special position to the man who’s seed she carries. All of this is mirrored in the spirit realm with our relationship with God if we are saved. If we have accepted Christ as our Savior, we are then sealed with the Holy Spirit. We now have something viable of God within in us and we hold a special place in God’s heart. Salvation is acceptance towards God in the spirit realm, sex is seen as acceptance for men, and sacrifice is seen as acceptance for most women.
livinginblurredlines,
Your Statement:
““he should know I am worth more than sex,” (yes, you are, but that does NOT cancel out sex)”
This statement by wives that “I am worth more than sex” or “my worth is more than sex” is a perfect illustration of people taking a truth and twisting and turning it to justify their own sinful behavior. It really is a half-truth, which then makes it a lie. Yes a wife is more than a source of sexual pleasure for her husband – but the key word is “MORE”. She was designed by God to be his companion, his crown, the bearer and caregiver of his children and the keeper of his home. But she was ALSO designed to be his lover. There is an entire book of the Bible written about this (Song of Solomon). She was designed to bring him great pleasure and in doing so help him to image the fact that God seeks pleasure in his people.
So again while any measure of a wife’s worth should include more than her sexual attractiveness and sexual submission, any measure that does not include these very important things is lacking and incomplete.
This is a classic bgr. This exact story plays out day in and day out destroying families who know no truth and is the enemies plan. There are two failures going on – as you clearly point out in the article, this woman’s arrogance and belief that she is in the right when she is absolutely lost and her foolishness is on full display. It is a lack of truth on all sides, but truth is not so common these days with people who don’t put their faith and trust in God and learn his ways and obey them.
Her failure is many. She didn’t know truth. She didn’t know her place. She thought she could do what was right in her own mind instead of what God told her to do. She bought the lies. The lie that she is his equal, that she knows what is right, that her body belongs to her and she can do whatever she wants with it. She sinfully wielded that lie almost as if it were a test and it birthed disaster! There is no other word except foolishness for this. She even noticed the results and blessing of having sex with her husband and yet still decided not to! I don’t even know what to say to this. Wives – sex is good for your husband – and guess what – it also keeps him connected to you and not the woman down the street! Deep down you _know_ this is true! If you starve him, you will make him miserable guaranteed and you are giving up a gift God gave you to keep him connected to you! You aren’t punishing him – your are punishing yourself and your marriage! You may not even fully understand fully how sex connects him to you, but that is not required to do what is right and reap the blessing! When you starve your husband, you are not only starving him of sex, but you are starving him of respect. What do you think is going to happen when the first women he meets shows up and shows him respect and is in anyway sexually available to him? Engineered disaster.
Do not get caught in the trap of “I will test him to see how much he loves me”. If you starve him sexually and disrespect him by not giving him your body and obeying him, it is almost certain in his humanness that he will love you less. There is no marriage ever that the man proved he loved his wife more for her disobeying and disrespecting him. If you want more love, ask him for it. Be sweet. Don’t come at him as his equal and demand it as the world would tell you. It doesn’t work that way. Approach him in respect and do right by him and have a heart of gratitude for the things he does for you. If you demand something, he will not have the honor of blessing you with it if he gives it to you.
The man’s mistake was not having the guts to confront and destroy this seed of evil tearing his family apart. This wife needed some serious rebuke and wisdom about what is good and right, and when he failed to provide that, he failed her, himself, and his calling as husband. No doubt he has bought all the lies too, well, if she says no, I just gotta be happy about it. No you don’t. Call it out. Show her the Word (1 Cor 7). Whatever you do, do not act like everything is fine and normal when it isn’t. It sounds like this husband did react, but he should have been completely direct with her and told her she was in the wrong for withholding herself from him. He should have explained exactly how he felt, what was right, and what course of action needed to be taken to get back on track. Depending on how far she was in her sin it may not have ended any better, but at least he could say he did everything he could. In this case, she perceived his response as a lack of love and it emboldened her to continue doing wrong. A better approach is him telling his wife that he loves her and that they have a problem that needs to be resolved. if that doesn’t work, then he will have to try to bring obedience through consequences such as no extra purchasing, no help with chores, etc., until she does what she should be doing in the first place. If you are a husband in this place, I highly recommend a statement like “I want things to be right, I am not the one doing wrong here, I do not want to punish, but you are giving me no choice by what you are purposefully and willfully choosing. I will have to continue on this path until you start stop doing what is wrong.”
Twice a month is starving a man and again puts her full foolishness on display about what she does not know. Twice a month may be fine for some women, 3 times a week is a fair average for many men, some more, some less.
No sex for over 5 months?????
When I read this, I was so angry that I had to wait to calm down before I came in here and replied. This is nothing short of psychological torture and spousal abuse, and should NOT be tolerated.
Can you imagine every night, laying with your naked wife next to you, as you start to caress her back, tracing your finger down the curve of her body, inching slowly towards her breasts and legs and you feel her stiffen up and resist your affection and touch, and say no to sex….Now just imagine doing that every single night, and every single night, she stiffens up and rejects you.
If I was in that situation, I would either kill my wife, or take sex by force……or I would have cheated on her, but I would not have waited nearly 6 months, I would tolerate this vile abuse, perhaps 3 weeks max, then I would have paid for the hottest chick I could find, bring her back to my place, waited until my wife wasn’t home, then took this chick I brought home with me to bed, and timed it so that my wife would come home and SEE US TOGETHER, just so I could see the look on her face….would I feel bad about doing that?, nope, I consider a wife who wittholds sex as not a true wife, she is just a room mate who shares the same living address as I
I know you don’t agree with my extreme scenarios BGR lol, and as a Christian it shocks me that I would take things so far, even in ways that are not biblical……It’s just that being married to a woman who won’t let you have sex with her, as being equal to the sin of murder in my eyes
We need to have the church and the community at large start shaming women who do this despicable practice, I’m absolutely convinced of this, once we start to shame women and humiliate them in front of everyone, maybe they would think twice about depriving their husbands of sex and physical affection
fd I understand the anger, but as Chrstian you can’t just do anything you want or you are no better than her. You are under His Lordship and she is under yours. The mistake husbands are making now isn’t doing what you suggest above, it is by being passive, as Adam was passive. It is always the same sin over and over again. The solution for both men and women is truth. Once both know what they should do and how they should handle situations like this, it will be better for both. The poison is the mistruth, and it emboldens people to make choices that lead to their destruction. The solution is learning God’s ways and being obedient to them. Then everyone can be blessed – husbands, wives, and children.
Anm1,
Well said and good response to feministdestroyer. We as Christian men must guard against sinful reactions to our wife’s sin on both sides. And you are right that the vast majority of men would never react in the sinful way feministdestroyer speaks of. Most would and do act passively and simply take it. They are taught this approach by false teachings within our churches.
The truth is that the right approach is for the husband to confront and rebuke his wife’s sin openly. No passivity about it. And he needs to make it clear the marriage will end if the woman continues to defraud him and commit this sexual sin against him.
I just recently had a friend of mine have to give this talk to his wife and so far she has stepped back into line. But men must be vigilant about this.
My apologies BGR, my sinful response cannot be justified, I’m just angry that’s all.
The best approach seems to be your one, where we confront the wives that do this and give them an ultimatum, either provide your body for sex or the marriage is over
One more thing: Wives, do not tell yourself, I do this and this and this and this, he should happy if I don’t do that. You are not in a place to decide this and you are not on equal footing with him. Just like I can’t say God, I give you all of my heart except this one part, you can’t tell your husband that you will do good for him in all of these ways, but not that way. It wouldn’t even matter how insignificant the thing you told him NO about is; I promise you that every time if you tell him NO, it is going to eat at him and drive a wedge in your marriage. Saying no to sex is like multiplying the above from something will certainly bother him to something that will bring righteous anger from him, it really is the ultimate way to disrespect and offend him. The bottom line is that saying NO to your husband is disrespectful and disobedient, make a respectful request for a different decision once if you must, but accept his answer and direction even if you don’t like it.
I know there are a lot of people who don’t think following the gender roles of the bible are important, but if you want a God honoring marriage where you are modeling the example He has put before us, understanding them is critical. Men and women are not the same, nor do they have the same needs. Feminism has poisoned all of this and look at the results. Our design didn’t change and it is not surprising that our design is completely incompatible with the poisonous teachings of feminism. Look at women now. They are not loved. They are not even married in many cases. They “get to” toil at work like a man or take handouts from the government. Their children are fatherless. They get old and without a husband of their youth who loves them which they skipped chasing enterprise in the world like a man, they are alone. Or their disobedience and feminist incompatibility with men leads them to many husbands, a true rinse and repeat disaster. WAKE UP WOMEN! Feminism is not your friend!! It will not love you when you are old, but a husband whose heart you captured with good behavior will. Find a good man and be generous in your love for him and do what is right as the bible says and reap the blessing from it. Do not underestimate respect with a husband. It is the key to a husband going to any length for you – there is real love.
This foolish (sinful) woman’s attitude is familiar to me; I’ve told my own lurid tale before and will not repeate it now.
Yet, let me add that I find this foolish woman’s story ironic. It has often repeated trope that men separate sex from love, but in reality that is a projection. Wives more often separate sex from love when they defraud their husband. The act of defrauding is rejection and it is felt very personally to the masculine core. When foolish wives persist in their rejection of the husband they display contempt for his sexuality and despise his desire to be one with her.
Even as Christ was despised and rejected for His beloved bride, so wives very often replay this scandal in their marriage. The picture that Paul says marriage is to typify is Christ and the church, but what is actually typified is more like Christ and Jews. Perhaps this why Paul writing to Titus calls out women’s disobedience as blasphemy against the Word. It is a picture of the rejection of her lord and ingratitude for union with Christ.
Negotiating sex, be it chores, flowers, or dates, makes the wife a prostitute. Yet this strategy is what is often taught in the evangelical church. Phrases like: “happy wife – happy life” imply pay the prostitute her price if you want “happiness”. Al Mohler writes that “a husband must earn the marriage bed”, this sounds like he thinks that sex in marriage is a “pay for play” arrangement. Purchase and negotiating not covenant become the setting for sex in these teachings. Yet if one turns the tables and it is the husband who refuses to go to work because he is “not in the mood”, the church would rightly rebuke him. If he were to say to his wife, I won’t protect you unless you sexually satiate me, we would call him a coward and condemn him for not loving like Christ loves the church. Yet, one must search long and hard to find anywhere in evangelicalism even one author, speaker or pastor that will speak even a single word against a wife who will not give herself to her husband as the church does (or at least ought to), to Christ.
When the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?
BGR thank you for being a voice in the wilderness, speaking truth in this perverse and wicked generation. With all the peeping and muttering of church.inc, it is the Word of God that is the lamp unto our feet and the light unto our path. Keep it up!
“Sex in marriage is like a bathroom. You wouldn’t buy a house just because you liked the bathroom, but you definitely wouldn’t buy one that didn’t have a bathroom.
“When sex is good, it’s 10% of the relationship. When it’s bad, it’s 90% of the relationship.”
I believe that it was Dr. Phil who said these things, but I think that both statements nail it. It’s why spouses who are being denied regularly, especially husbands, seem to only care about sex—the lack of it is taking over the marriage and making everything else seem unimportant.
Alex,
The Bathroom analogy really is a good one. My wife and I watch home improvement shows and flipping shows all the time. And while it certainly is not the only thing that sells a house, the bathroom is critical in selling a house. And the bathroom is not just about a toilet. It is about the sink and mirror and the shower and tub. People spend a great deal of time in the bathroom for many reasons and they want it to be a nice area of the house. But of course if the bathroom is beautiful and updated but the kitchen looks like garbage then most people still would not buy the house. It really is a package deal.
What if the husband denies the wife? My husband barely touched me for over 10 years (since 2008). Now I know you’re probably thinking I’m contentious or physically lacking in appearance, but truthfully, I am easy to get along with. My husband is visually impaired and I drive him everywhere- work, appointments, errands and on all our family trips. I am in good shape for 40s (5’6, 125 lbs), work out, and yes, I do have a job to contribute to the family income and my husband actually prefers this. I had to beg and he did grant me sex for a few weeks but now it’s going back to “roommates.” I’m not sure what else to do. I don’t want to act desperate or seem slutty by always being the one to ask. One or two times a week would be fine, I don’t think that’s unreasonable. So it’s not just you men who are being deprived. And it is hurtful and makes me feel unworthy as a wife and a woman.
Stargaze,
First of all a husband is in sin if he fails to give his body for sex to his wife. Exodus 21:10-11 and I Corinthians 7:2-5 make that abundantly clear.
But you also need to ask yourself – what changed since 2008? Was there some traumatic life event that occurred that year?
It seems you are communicating with him that you want it.
But you don’t like having to ask for it or initiate it as most women do not. Most women like to be one the ones who are pursued, rather than being the one who does the pursuing and that is in your nature. However in some cases if the husband is lacking drive the woman may need to step up to get her needs met by initiating sex with her husband. I agree he should be initiating more, but at the end of day you may need to initiate and just work past your feelings.
Many women confuse a man’s lack of initiating with sexual denial. But those are not one and the same thing. Sexual denial is him literally saying no and shutting you down. If you have literally turning you down for great lengths of time then you should look at this article I wrote:
https://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/09/16/4-steps-to-confronting-your-husbands-sexual-refusal/
This woman in the article was more than likely sleeping with someone else. She, like most women, was using her sexuality as a bargaining tool to give use or withhold at her discretion which by the very definition is prostitution.